Archive of Our Own

It’s in days like these when Jungkook feels like he chose the wrong path. 

Don’t get him wrong, he doesn’t think his training life is a mistake per se. He like singing and dancing and Jungkook feels if he practiced enough he will able to be successful in the industry... if he manages to debut any time soon. 

Usually, he doesn’t think much about his future, focusing on one day at the time and not in how the company he chose was almost bankrupt. He definitely didn’t give it much thought to that when he signed with them.

Jungkook has fun practicing with his hyungs and manages somehow to get used to living with them. Sort of. Jungkook still can’t change his clothes in front of them but he is getting there. Hopefully soon. Maybe. 

Jungkook likes them. Being in the studio together, dancing together, singing together. Even doing their homework together, although this doesn’t happen that often (he like playing games better, sue him). He likes how his life has been transformed in this past year and think he can see himself being together with them in a group for a long time more. Even when it gets hard and things feel hopeless, when the now seven of them are together Jungkook feels like they can overcome any obstacle. 

So, why is he feeling like he shouldn’t be here now?

Maybe is the changing season. Maybe is the tiresome practice of the past days. Maybe is school. 

Yeah, it’s definitely school. He hasn’t been getting along with school lately. Too tired to focus on classes and too busy to go play with his friends. Feeling like being there was a mere formality than something that he really needs or wants to do. Jungkook wants to sing and dance, why he needs to know that mitochondria are the powerhouse of the cell?

Sometimes he feels jealous of his classmates. They seem so carefree, their only worry is passing their classes so their parent won’t ground them. No dance practice until late night, no vocal lessons until his throat is sore, no living away from your parents in a strange city. But, he is living the dream, right?

Sometimes Jungkook isn’t sure about it. 

Sometimes he just wants to go play with his friends in the park near his house. Sometimes he just wants his parent to complain he play too much on the computer. Sometimes he wants classes to be his only worry. Sometimes he wants his dad helping him to do homework. Sometimes he wants his mom’s homemade food. Sometimes he wants to draw with his brother. Sometimes he wants to go walk with his dog in his hometown. 

Sometimes he just misses his family and his old life and sometimes is too much.

But homesickness is nothing new to him. Leaving Busan to move to Seoul wasn’t the easiest of the decision to make. Have to live with complete strangers wasn’t the more pleasant decision either. He is lucky that his hyungs are good to him, he knows that not everyone has the same fate as him. But it isn’t the same as home. 

Sure, he could call his family and go to visit them sometimes. But for some reason, he sucks with that. Every time he wants to call them he just stares at his phone for way too long until he put it to the side and tells himself he will call later. But later never come and he is left with a growing distance between him and his family. It’s possible to feel like a stranger to your own family? Jungkook somehow feels like he is becoming one now. And let’s not talk about his friends there. That’s a whole other problem he won’t approach now. Or never. 

But there isn’t much to do about it now anyway. He can’t complain, can he? Jungkook put himself in this situation when he decides he wanted to sing and signed with this company just because the rapper guy that it was there was really cool. He is already here and can’t quit now. Not with debut feeling so close and so far at the same time, he doesn’t want to quit now and have to deal with the “what if” for the rest of his life. 

So Jungkook just deals with his feelings on his own. Like always. It’s better this way. 

And yet, he still wants someone to complain about it. The school was especially ruthless today and he needs someone to vent with. He failed his English test and forget to do his math homework because he was too busy with practice (it’s not like those were the easiest subjects for him anyway). The teachers weren’t very happy about it, especially with the end of the semester getting close. And either was the manager when they tell him about it if the scold he received outside his school could tell him something. But, somehow, that wasn’t that bad as seeing his classmates laughing together and going to play somewhere. 

The car ride is a silent one. It's not like he talks to the man much any other day. But the atmosphere is tense so he just prefers to sit still there, playing with the straps of his backpack, until they arrive at the company building. 

As soon as the car stopped, Jungkook runs away after thanking the manager to go change and dance practice. He hoped the physical activity could distract him, even if it only for a couple of hours. 

After changing, he entered the dance studio in silence. But the room is cover in mirrors so he is easily spotted by Hoseok while is stretching in front of them. 

“Oh Jungkookie”, he salutes stretching one of his arms over his head. “How was school?”, asks through the mirror. He just grunts in response leaving his stuff on the corner of the room, Hoseok laugh at that. 

Jungkook looks at the room and is Namjoon and Seokjin stretching together on the floor. The oldest looks at him and smiles before Namjoon pushed his body too hard to the floor and complain about it. He laughs softly but decide to go with Hoseok instead. 

“Where are the others?” asks as he imitates the movement of his hyung. 

“Yoongi hyung is in the studio but he gonna come soon. Jimin and Taehyung... I would like to know too. There better be here soon”, says and twist his waist to the right. 

After Jimin joined the team just two weeks ago, he and Taehyung have been inseparable. Despite fighting a lot, the two of them are always quick to fix their problems. Jungkook is happy that his hyung has now a friend in the group but it makes him feel a little bit lonely. His relationship with Taehyung is the closest thing he has of friendship in the group despite the age difference and now he feels a little left behind.

But it’s not the moment to think in his loneliness so instead Jungkook focuses on warm his body. 

Shortly after, Yoongi joins them and just two minutes before the dance practice start, Taehyung and Jimin do too. The practice started and for a couple of hours, Jungkook is happy. When you are focus on the movement of your body there isn’t time to be sad. And the loud music and laugh of his hyungs are really good distractions. And he is happy about it. And feels better too. 

Practice ends and Jungkook is competing with Taehyung about who can bend more to touch the tip of their shoes when their choreographer speaks to him. 

“Jungkook-ssi”, says and everyone stops to look at him, “can you come with me for a moment?”  

He looks at the oldest man and then at his hyungs confused and nervous. 

Namjoon speaks first after seeing his expression, “There is a problem?”

The man shakes his head, “Pd-nim just want to talk to him about something”.

The boys share a look between them and then just look at Jungkook. Feeling a little awkward at the attention he gets up from the floor and follow the choreographer to the door. He looks back and the rest shout that they will wait for him, give him a couple of thumbs-up, and encouraging smiles. Jungkook leaves the room and walks behind the man to the upper floor in silence. 

He can’t really think about what his boss wants to talk with him. The choreographer said that there wasn’t any problem but they could lie. It is about the classes? Jungkook really don’t want problems with that. He is really trying his best to pass his classes and graduate. 

The knock in a door and a “Come in” wake him up from his thoughts. The choreographer opens the door and indicated him to enter the office. Insecure, he does and sees the producer sitting on his desk. He smiles kindly at Jungkook while standing up and that calm his nervousness a little bit. Just a little. 

“Jungkook-ssi”, salute the man and he does a bow as he couldn’t speak, “here, seat” and point at the couch. Jungkook doubts for a moment but sits down at the opposite side of the couch. Bang sits down too and the choreographer stays up by his boss's side with arms crossed. “How are you?”, asks after a moment of silence. 

“Uhm... fine”, answer moving a little uncomfortable in his place. 

The producer only nods and that makes him more nervous. The older men look at him in silence for a moment and Jungkook only can watch his hands twitching in his lap, feeling self-conscious in his sweated practice clothes. 

“Jungkook-ssi, you have improved a lot since you start training”, starts after a minute, “your singing has become more stable and now you don’t seem that nervous of performing, and your dancing has become better too”, Jungkook feels himself blushing a little. “But...”, his stomach twist, “but there is something that you are lacking: emotion”. 

Jungkook frowns slightly, “Wh-what that means?”

“When I see you dance, I don’t feel anything. Son-nim thinks the same too. And I don’t think that having an artist that can’t share their emotions with the public will be good for debut”.

“I can improve!” Says loudly and quickly, almost jumping on the spot, surprising himself and the two men, if the expressions on their faces can tell him something. Embarrassed by his own reaction, he stays still but continues, “I can improve, please give me an opportunity”. 

Both men look at each other for a second and look at him. “I know you can improve. That’s why I have a proposal for you”. 

“What proposal?” asks softly. 

“There is a dance studio in LA where I would like you to go to train in the summer”. 

Jungkook’s eyes gets bigger and his heart starts beating faster. “Me? In the US alone?”

Bang Pd shakes his head. “Son-nim will go with you. The training will last for a month, you won’t have to worry about anything but training. What you say?”

Jungkook doesn’t know what to say as he stares blankly at his hands. One part of him is telling him that this is good news and he should be happy. Being able to go to a new place is great, and have extra training so he could be a better artist is excellent news.

But there is another part of him, one that grows bigger with every second that passes, that makes him feel uncomfortable thinking about that. Really uncomfortable. 

The voice of his boss brings him out of his thoughts, “Jungkook-ssi?” He looks up and blinks a couple of times. 

“Do I have to do it?” says in a whisper. 

“Oh? I thought you wanted to improve?”

“I want it! I just...”, his brain starts looking for an excuse that won’t get him in trouble, “I just really tired now and I don’t think I should make a decision right now”.

The producer stares at him for a moment and the nods slowly, “Alright. We will talk again on Monday so you can use this weekend to think about it, it’s that good for you?”

Jungkook nods fiercely, “Yes, thank you PD-nim” and stand up. “If you excuse me”, he bows to both men and leave the office quickly. 

Without much thought, he goes to the nearest bathroom and locks up himself in. He stand in front of the mirror and the reflection in it feel foreign to him. He opens the sink and throws water to his face. His skin starts feeling like it prick, uncomfortable like his body doesn’t fit in it. He doesn’t like it. It makes him feel uneasy, really uneasy. He wets his face again, look at the mirror and try to breathe hoping that will help him to wash out the sensation.

After a couple of minutes and a lot of breathing later, he feels a little better. Not good, but better. Jungkook looks up at the mirror and into his eyes, remembering that his hyungs will ask about it. The uncomfortableness threat with coming back.  He shakes his head and reminds himself that nothing bad happened. Their boss is just offering a special training in the US, nothing bad. 

Then why his head is telling him the opposite? Why his whole body is reacting at the idea so badly? Why is he feeling like this? This is stupid, he says to himself, nothing bad is happening. 

Maybe my brain is broken. Maybe the tiredness of the day really was messing with his head, his excuse not fake after all. Jungkook tells himself that he just needs to rest and tomorrow he will be excited about the proposal. 

When Jungkook can convince himself, he leaves the bathroom and goes back to the practice room. But the room is empty and with the light off. His stomach tightens nervously again. 

Jungkook shakes his head, “No” he mumbles to himself, “the studio”. 

He turns around and goes to their studio. Even from a couple of meters away Jungkook can hear the laughs of his hyungs. For some reason, the sound makes him feel calmer. He pushes the already slightly open door and sees Yoongi and Namjoon talking about something in front of the computer, Taehyung and Jimin running around trying to steal each other snacks, and Seokjin and Hoseok are sitting in the couch laughing at them. For a second, that chaotic atmosphere feels like home. But as soon as it came it goes when Jimin spots him in the door.

“Oh, Jungkookie came back”, announces and everyone in the room stops and look at him. 

His cheeks start blushing. Jungkook feels like he will never get used to the attention his hyungs give to him. 

Taehyung takes advantage of the distraction to snatch Jimin’s snack from his hand and comes over him to offering food, ignoring his friend's complaints. “How it went?” 

Jungkook looks at the food but doesn’t move or respond. Instead, Taehyung grabs his hand and pulls him into the room closing the door behind them. 

“Why PD nim wanted to speak to you?” Yoongi asks from the computer desk. 

He still doesn’t speak, words caught in his throat. This shouldn’t be difficult at all. Someone takes his hand on his own and start rubbing it softly. Jungkook turns his head and sees his oldest hyung looking at him and giving him an encouraging smile. 

“He...”, his voice sounds weird so he coughs, “he wants me to go to a dance training in LA”.

Everything goes silent, only the computer ventilator is heard in the background. 

“That’s amazing Jungkookie!” Hoseok speaks suddenly startling him and soon the older is by his side. 

“You are going to a dance studio? Which one?” asks Jimin getting closer. 

“When are you going? How long?” asks Taehyung by his side. 

Too many questions, too little space. Jungkook doesn’t know what or to who answers first so he just stood there with an open mouth. 

“Guys”, Namjoon speaks, “you are overwhelming him, give him space”. 

Jungkook gives him a small smile as thanks and the rest apologize to him and give the space he needs it. Still, Seokjin doesn’t let go of his hand but he isn’t mad about it. 

Jungkook almost whispers a moment later, “I... I don’t know if I’m going yet”.

A surprise sound escapes from everyone mouths.

“What? Why?” Asks Taehyung looking at him with puppy eyes. 

“I...”, he rubs the back of his neck uncomfortable, “I’m tired now and I didn’t want to make a decision like this now so he told me to give an answer on Monday”. 

Yoongi nods from his position, “That’s a wise thing to do”, says and it makes Jungkook feel better that his process of thought actually makes sense. Maybe his brain isn’t broken after all. 

“But it’s amazing Jungkook”, says Hoseok, “if you accept will learn a lot and you will better that you already are”, Jungkook smile at the compliment. 

“And you could teach us later”, says Taehyung. 

“Yeah, I guess”, answer fidgeting with the end of his shirt. 

“Yeah, but we can talk about it later, we have to go home now”, speaks Seokjin for the first time. 

“Yay!” says Taehyung, “Jin hyung is cooking dinner tonight”, announce grabbing his backpack from the floor. 

“Says who?” Asks half laughing and finally letting go of his hand to stand up. 

“But I want your food hyung”, the pout is heard in his voice. 

“Not tonight, I’m tired. We gonna have take out or something”. Taehyung starts complaining, “You are probably the only person who would complain about that”. 

“Here”, Jimin’s voice distracts him from the discussion of his hyungs, “your stuff” and handles his backpack. 

“Oh, thanks Jimin-ssi”, says softly and the oldest give him a tight smile and move to grab his own stuff. That’s when Jungkook notices how the rest are also picking their stuff to go home.

Well, all except for one. 

“Come on hyung, let’s go home”, Hoseok whines. 

“I want to finish this first”, answer Yoongi still doing something on the computer. 

“You can finish it tomorrow”, says Namjoon on his other side. 

“Or I can finish it today”. 

“Jin hyung”, Hoseok whines again to the oldest now, “say something to him”. 

“Yoongi let’s go home”, says Jin walking to him. 

“But I want to finish this”, complains almost pouting. 

“You couldn’t do it early, it not gonna happen today”, states the oldest. 

“That’s because you all were too noisy”, protest, Taehyung and Jimin complains at the same time and Hoseok can’t contain his laugh. 

“Come on Yoongi-yah”, the oldest whines now too, “we almost never can’t eat dinner together. Just for today, please?”

Yoongi frowns and pout harder at the oldest. They have a silent stare battle until Seokjin speaks again.

“Jungkook-ah”, says and he is surprised to be included in the conversation, “you want Yoongi to come home and have dinner with us?”

Both of the oldest look at him waiting for an answer. Jungkook’s eyes go back and forward between them until they stop in the second oldest. Yoongi looks at him, not mad or annoying, just looking at him waiting for the answer. 

“I... I would like to”, says still looking at his eyes. 

After what it feels like an eternity for an introverted like him, Yoongi sighs. “Fine” and turn around to close the program he was using. 

“Wow”, says Hoseok going to his side, “that’s the youngest power” and puts an arm in his shoulders. 

Everyone collect their stuff and shut down their equipment quickly and leave their Bangtan Room while Taehyung screams again that Seokjin gonna cook dinner despite the oldest’s complains. 

The moon is in almost full display and there is a soft breeze, but it isn’t cold at all. The summer is coming soon. The summer when he is supposed to go to the other side of the globe for training. His stomach twists again so he shakes his head erasing those thoughts. He isn’t going to think about it tonight, what is the point? He is clearly too exhausted to make a properly thought tonight anyway. 

He looks at the rest that walks in front of him. Usually, he would be walking with them, talking and joking together. But now he isn’t in the mood for that so he just watches them from afar. No matter how funny seem to be the joke that Taehyung told them making them laugh so hard and how bad he wants to know what is about. 

Jungkook sighs loudly, he hates feeling like this. 

“It’s everything okay?” A voice asks him from the side and makes his startle. He looks at his oldest hyung that looks at him with an amused smile. 

“I- yeah, everything okay”, answer looking at the rest again and holding the straps of his backpack. 

“Are you sure? You seem distracted, you didn’t even notice I was by your side”, Seokjin mentions. 

Jungkook side-eye him for a second but then settle his eyes on the floor, feeling a little embarrassed. “I was just thinking”. 

“About the proposal?” Jungkook stays in silence for a moment but just shrug in the end. Seokjin hums acknowledged him. “How was school?” Asks changing subjects. Jungkook grunts loudly and the oldest laugh softly, “That bad?”

Jungkook thinks again for a moment but decides to speak. “I failed my English test,” says, “and I forget to do my math homework”.

“Oh I’m sorry,” says and pats his head softly for a moment, Jungkook hums in response. “Do you need help with that?”

Jungkook turns his head at him, “Can you help me?”

Seokjin laughs behind his hand like he just told him the best joke and dismiss him with a move of his head. “Don’t be silly, you know I suck with those subjects”.

Jungkook frowns at him, “How did you even get into university?”

“I’m an acting major, I don’t need those,” says simply. 

“Who did you bribe? How much?” He jokes. 

Seokjin look offended at the insinuation, Jungkook would think he is actually mad at him if he didn’t know his hyung better, “No one, I’m just that talented, alright?” He says half proud, half-joking. “Besides, I wasn’t talking about me. Namjoonie is good with English, I’m sure he can help you. And Jiminie is good with maths if you need help with that”. 

Jungkook looks at the rest of his hyungs in the front going further now as he stops his track. “I don’t wanna bother Jimin, and Namjoon hyung is already too busy”, says in an almost whisper scrunching his nose. 

Seokjin stops too and turns around to look at him, “You are not bothering anyone Jungkookie”. He looks at the oldest and sees a soft smile in this face, “I know for a fact that Jiminie will glad of being bothered by you”, mention and laugh softly at a joke he couldn’t understand, “and Namjoonie will always be ready to help you. You just have to say it”. 

Seokjin puts a hand on his back and pushes him to start walking again so they do. They stay in silence as they tried to match their pace with the rest of the group. 

“But you don’t have to do it right now though,” says Seokjin after a minute, “I mean, it’s late and we are all tired and you need to rest too but... you could if you want, you know? Maybe mentally prepare yourself if that makes you feel more comfortable?”

Jungkook keeps looking at the ground as they walk. If any other person would have told him that he would have felt offended that they doubt his capacities. But he knows Seokjin knows him and his shy self so he just nods, not even sure if he was even looking at him. 

The hand of the oldest comes back to his hair to ruffle it again and stay there. “Good”, and Jungkook turns his head just in time to watch him smile. “How about I cook some meat we have for dinner?”

Jungkook starts beaming, “Really?” Seokjin nods, “I would like it”, answer suddenly feeling better in the thought of homemade food. 

“Seokjin hyung is cooking dinner!” Another voice scream and both turn their head to the culprit who is walking backward-looking at them with both of his hand holding the shoulder straps of his backpack and a big boxy smile on his face. 

Seokjin looks at him dumbfounded, opening and closing his mouth like a fish before he points an accusatory finger at him and says, “How can you hear that but not when I tell you to pick up your stuff?”

Taehyung giggles and turn around running away, but Seokjin is faster and in just seconds he has his arm around his shoulders and is tickling the second youngest until he is a giggling mess. Jungkook runs to them too and soon the seven of them are together again laughing and screaming in the middle of the street. 

Once again, in the middle of the chaos, Jungkook found himself in peace. 

At the moment they enter their dorm, Jungkook is holding his and Seokjin’s stuff because the later has Taehyung on his back. He isn’t sure how that happened but it’s not like it really matters. The dorms start filling with noise, everyone doing something different but somehow feeling harmonious in the chaos. 

About an hour and a quick shower later, Jungkook is sitting on the floor of their living room eating dinner. In the end, Seokjin did cook dinner. Ramen, meat, and kimchi. Nothing too elaborate but by the way they eat, it seems that it was.  Everyone is in silence, too busy stuffing their mouths to speak. 

Jungkook starts chewing a piece of meat and looks at the two of his members sitting in front of him. He had spent the last hour thinking about what Seokjin said to him and how to ask them to help him with the school. It shouldn’t be that difficult. Just a “Hey, can you help me with this?” and that’s it. But his shyness just paralyzed him, even if he was just thinking about it. Maybe with Jimin, it was more reasonable to have trouble asking for a favor, he has just known him for a little less than two weeks. But still, Jimin has been nothing but nice to him, he shouldn’t feel like this. And definitely, he shouldn’t have trouble speaking Namjoon, he has been living together for more than a year. Maybe he is still a little starstruck by him. 

“Jungkook-ah”, a voice makes him jump on his spot, “are you alright?” He hasn’t noticed that he was spacing out. 

He looks around and sees how the second oldest is looking at him. “Yeah, I was just thinking”, he answer and look at the bowl in his hands. 

“You were almost sleeping with your eyes open”, mention Hoseok, laughing with his mouth full of food. 

Jungkook laughs a little and fills his mouth with noodles. He shouldn’t be thinking, he really is too tired now. Tomorrow will have more opportunities to do it. 

Still, he sighs eating more noodles. He can feel the stare of the oldest at his side but try to ignore him. 

A couple of minutes later, Seokjin speak. “Why were you almost late for practice?” he says and it’s obvious that he is speaking to the two friends. Jungkook looks at them, Jimin seems embarrassed but Taehyung is just smiling. 

“We got distracted celebrating after school”, answers Taehyung before taking a piece of meat. 

“Celebrating? What are you celebrating?” Ask Namjoon frowning at both of them. 

Taehyung seems excited to share the news with them, “Jimin got a perfect score in his math test today!”, announces with a smile. 

Everyone look at him and Jimin starts blushing, “Oh, it’s not important. Tae is just making a big deal out of nothing”, says dismissing with a movement of his hand.

“It is a big deal”, correct his friend frowning. 

“Our Jiminie is a genius”, says Hoseok stating a fact, making him giggle. 

“You are exaggerating. Maths are just easy for me, that’s all”, he shrugs. 

“I’m sure you could teach someone math if you wanted”, says Seokjin casually. 

“Do you want me to teach you, hyung?” Ask Jimin to look at him. 

Seokjin shakes his head, “No, but I’m sure someone could use your help”.

Without any direct word, Jungkook knows that his oldest hyung is helping him. So before the doubts catch him, he speaks. “I need your help,” says and three seconds later he can feel how hot his cheeks are so he looks at his bowl instead. 

Jimin looks at him in silence, a little taken back. “Really? You need my help?” Jungkook nods without looking at him. “Of course!” Says and he looks up at the older who is smiling widely. “Just tell me when and I will help you with anything you want”, offers and Jungkook blinks a couple of time at his disposition but then smile shyly at him. 

“Are you having problems with school work?” Asks Namjoon. 

Jungkook moves uncomfortable in his place and puts his bowl in the small table. He really doesn’t want to be scolded by his hyungs but he already speaked so he just continues. “I forget to do my math homework yesterday and I failed the English test from the other day so the manager wasn’t very happy about it”.

There is a minute of silence and Jungkook feels like he has disappointed his hyungs. 

“Jungkook-ah”, Hoseok start and he prepares himself for the scold, “we should have reminds you to do your homework”.

Jungkook’s eyes got bigger than usual while turning to his side to look at Hoseok, only distracted by Namjoon speaking to him. “We were too focused on practice that we forget that we still have homework to do. Sorry Jungkook-ah”, says apologetically.

“You aren’t mad?” Asks with disbelief to the room. 

Hoseok tilts his head to the side, “Why we would be?”

“Because me failing could cause a problem to the group?” Says not sure if that is the correct answer.

“What kind of problem?” Asks Hoseok again and Jungkook isn’t sure what to answer again.

“I don’t think having a member who fails a grade would be good”, says in the end. 

Seokjin laughs softly at his side, “One bad grade won’t make you fail a year, especially since you have excellent grades”.

“Look Jungkook-ah”, speaks Yoongi and he turns to look at him, “you aren’t causing any problem for having bad grades. Grades aren’t that important anyway”.

Namjoon gives a glare to his hyung but soon looks at Jungkook, “Of course that doesn’t mean that you can fail every class”, says quickly, “but one bad grade or missing some homework is nothing big. Especially because you are doing something to fix it so don’t worry too much about it”. 

“It’s also our responsibility to take care of you, that includes school”, adds Seokjin while massaging his neck. “We promise that your parent, remember? So don’t worry, we got your back”.

Jungkook looks at his hands on his lap, feeling the stares of his hyungs over him. “I feel like you are spoiling me too much”, says looking up at them after a moment. 

The group shares a silent stares before they say a collective “Nah” while laughing. “Who told you?” Says someone and before he can recognize who it was, Hoseok pull him to his arms and start snuggling him. Jungkook feels himself blushing but he isn’t bothered by the affection. 

“Our cute maknae think we are spoiling him, how silly”, says like he is talking to a baby and pinch softly his side which makes giggle. 

“It’s kinda inevitable, we are watching you grow up”, says Namjoon with a fond smile. 

“But I’m not a kid anymore”, complain pouting. 

“Oh excuse me mister grown-up”, tease Yoongi, “how old are you again?”

“I’m sixteen”, answer a little petulant, still in Hoseok arms. 

“Oh no, he is such an adult now”, jokes Seokjin poking him on his leg and Jungkook giggle again. 

“But for real”, says Hoseok more serious fidgeting with Jungkook’s shirt, “you are growing up a lot”.

“You are gonna enter high school next year”, mention Taehyung.

“If I manage to graduate middle school”, mention looking at the hands of his hyung on his stomach. 

“You are gonna graduate”, Jimin corrects him quickly, “we gonna make sure you do, alright?” Jungkook looks at him and smiles. 

“You will need help with your English class?” Asks Namjoon and he nods as an answer, “I can help you with that if you want. Although I’m not sure if I will be able to help you much”, says and touch his neck a little nervous. 

Jungkook frees himself of Hoseok’s arms, sits up properly, and nods his head vividly. “I would like your help!”, says with more enthusiasm than he thought he felt. The rest laugh softly at his expression.

“Yeah, you need to teach him English so he can manage himself in America”, teases Hoseok poking him with his elbow. 

It was like someone poured cold water over his head. His whole body tense up and the prickly sensation came back. Jungkook almost forgets about that. 

Before he could say anything else, Seokjin speaks, “Alright, enough talking. Who is doing the dishes? And no, it not gonna be me”, he puts an arm around his shoulders and drag him closer, “and Jungkook either”. 

Everyone starts complaining. “Why not him?” Asks Taehyung pouting. 

“Because I say so. Now play rock-paper-scissors so we can go to bed”. 

“We live in a dictatorship”, Yoongi deadpans but still got closer to play the game. 

“Yeah, yeah, quickly”, answers Seokjin ignoring his complaint. 

The rest starts playing the game but Jungkook looks up to see the face of the oldest. Seokjin looks at him too for a second and smiles before moving his eyes to the rest. His hyung knows he doesn’t want to talk about that right now and he is helping him. He also knows that he can’t run from this for too long (I’m not running, I’m just being cautious) but it feels nice knowing that someone has your back. So, slowly, Jungkook snuggles closer to Seokjin and watch how the rest of his hyungs decide their destiny. 

About 40 minutes and a lot of screaming, betrayal, and a dance battle later, Yoongi is doing the dishes. The rest start getting ready for bed. After Jungkook finishes brushing his teeth, he goes to their room and finds Jimin and Taehyung sitting on his bed. 

“Jungkookie”, says Jimin before he could speak, “show me your homework”. 

He blinks a couple of times before entering, “I’m too tired to do homework now”, excuse himself but Jimin just shakes his head.  

“I know, I just wanna know what are you doing so I know how to help you”, explains and only a soft “oh” escape from his mouth. 

Jungkook grabs his backpack and goes sit with them. Taehyung moves to the side so he can sit in the middle of them. As soon as he do it, Taehyung throws an arm around his waist and puts his chin his shoulder so he can look at what are they doing. Jungkook takes the book from his backpack and searches for the page they are studying.

“Oh right, algebra”, says Jimin looking at the page, “do you understand something of this?”

“Yeah, some. It’s just that I’m usually tired so I can’t focus much on this and then I don’t remember how to do some part alone or I just forget to do it”, explain and Jimin hums in response still reading the book.  

“I remember that stuff too”, says Taehyung, “I can help you too”. 

Jungkook looks at him incredulously, “Really?”

“Yeah, I can help you by cheering you. Go go Jeon Jungkook!” Says shaking an invisible pompon making both laughs. 

“Hey”, says Jimin, and both turn around to him, “can I borrow this?” Jungkook tilts his head confused. “It will help know exactly what this is about so I can teach you well”.

“Ah... that not necessary”, he starts but Jimin shaking his head stop him. 

“I take my job pretty seriously, I want to do it well”, says simply with a smile. 

Jungkook stares at him for a moment, “Why are you being so nice to me?” 

Jimin smiles softly but before he could speak, Taehyung says, “Jimin thinks you hate him”. 

The surprise is clear in Jungkook’s face while try to look at the two of them. Jimin hiss an angry “Taehyung!” looking embarrassed, but Taehyung just shrugs still hugging him from behind.

“I don’t hate you”, says quickly, “why would you think that?”

“I don’t think that!”, responds with a bigger blush on his face, “I just... I just thought you didn’t like me that much”, says in a soft voice and looks away for a moment. 

“I don’t hate you”, repeat not knowing what else to say. 

“I know that you don’t hate me”, assures him looking at him, “and that you are just really shy. I just... I just want us to be friends”, says and scratches the back of his head shyly. “I mean, we gonna be on the same team but I feel like we haven’t really talked at all so I thought that maybe I could use this opportunity to get closer. I didn’t think that someone would speak and ruin everything”, he says the last part clearly to Taehyung but he only shrugs lightly and keeps his unbothered expression. 

Jungkook just stares at Jimin without knowing what to say. He never imagines how the oldest was feeling. It wasn’t really his intention to be distant with Jimin, it was just his shy self. But it makes him feel nice inside that Jimin thinks about him and wants to have a closer relationship. 

Jimin sigh distracting him from his thoughts, “I’m sorry, did I make things awkward?” Asks with an apologetic expression. 

“No no!” Says quickly shaking his head, “I was just thinking... that you are very nice. Hyung”, adds two seconds later starting to feel how his cheeks burn. 

Jimin blinks a couple of time before start smiling broadly, “Yeah, hyung is very nice”, giggles obviously happy with his new honorific, which causes that both he and Taehyung to smile. 

“Let’s hug!” Says Taehyung suddenly removing his arms of Jungkook’s waist. Before he could process was happening, Jimin throws himself to hug both of them. Jungkook is surprised by the sudden movement but is brought back to reality by the giggles of his two hyungs. Ignoring his own shyness, he wraps his arms around Jimin’s torso, which causes the oldest to giggle even more that he thought it was possible. “Jungkookie sandwich!” Exclaim and the three of them laugh. 

The warm that Jungkook feels knowing that he made Jimin this happy is something that he doesn’t want to forget. 

“Oh? We are cuddling now?” Says Hoseok entering the room. “Let me, let me!” And throws himself over them causing to all of them to fall in the bed. 

The three youngest starts complaining about it without any anger in their voices and Hoseok just continues to lay on them and tickles them where he could. Screaming and giggles fills the room and for some reason, in the middle of this chaos, Jungkook feels happy and at home for the first time in so long. The thought of that makes him feel weird for a moment but it was easily distracted by someone (he isn’t sure who in this limbs mess) pinching his side making him laugh again.

“What are you doing?”, asks Yoongi entering the room, the four of them kinda turn around to watch him frown at the scene. 

“We are cuddling, do you wanna come?” Says Taehyung from somewhere under Hoseok. 

“Tempting but no thanks”, says sitting on one of the lower bunks and search for something on the bag on his legs. 

The booing at him but start getting up to go their own beds. Jungkook stays laying down since he is on his own bed anyway. 

“I’m taking this”, says Jimin already in his feet shaking his math book in his hand. Jungkook only nods at that. 

“Are you gonna do math now, Jimin?” Asks Yoongi, frowning a little bit, “are you a nerd?” The oldest tease him with a side smile.

“Hyung”, says turning to look at him, “just because you don’t know how to do divisions with two numbers doesn’t mean that anyone who can do it is a nerd”, sass back at him. 

Absolute silence for two seconds before Hoseok’s explosive laugh is heard in the room. Taehyung high five his friend. Jungkook rolls on his bed laughing at his hyung’s disbelief expression. Yoongi looks at Jimin with a surprised expression but in his eyes, there is a special kind of fire. Not angry, but something more exciting.

“Who said I don’t know how to divisions with two numbers?” Jimin just shrugs and walks to his bed. “Wow, what happened to the polite Jimin?” Asks trying to sound mad but failing. 

Seokjin and Namjoon enters the room before he could answer. “What happened? What did we miss?” Says Seokjin pushing Namjoon into the room. 

“Jiminie is in his rebellious phase”, explains Hoseok from his bed half laughing. A surprised “oh?” was all the oldest said stopping his walking. 

“But it’s only against Yoongi hyung”, adds Jimin.

“Oh, then is alright”, accepts and continue to climb his bunk bed. 

“How is that alright?” Asks Yoongi dumbfounded, climbing the other bunk bed. 

“It’s your problem, you have to fix it with him now”, explains. “While isn’t a problem with me, I don’t care”, he jokes, “right, Jiminie?”

“Yes hyung-nim”, Jimin answers with a sweet voice. 

“What with all of you today? Why are you attacking me?” Everyone can heard the pout on his voice while he lay down on the bed.

“Yeah yeah, let’s go to sleep”, says ignoring him and pulling the blanket to his face. “Can you turn off the lights Jungkookie?”

Jungkook, who was watching the whole scene still laying on his bed with a big smile, stands up and wait that all his hyungs are in bed and turns off the lights. He quickly goes under his blankets and makes himself more comfortable. 

“We have practice in the afternoon so try to sleep a little more”, says Namjoon to the room. The rest answers with various forms of “yes”, followed by goodnights. 

Little by little the room is filled by silence, only their breathing is heard. And, once again, Jungkook is left alone with his thoughts. 

He stays in the darkness without being able to control his smile. His heart feels so full. He is feeling happy, the happiest he has feel in a long time.

It’s weird, not in his wildest dreams he imagined that he could be feeling happy in a house full of strangers but here he is. Jungkook can’t imagine his life without his six hyungs now. He is excited to wake up tomorrow and play around with Taehyung and Jimin, dance with Hoseok, be with Namjoon, and Yoongi when they start producing another song and talk with Seokjin on their way back home.

Jungkook doesn’t want to separate from them ever. 

But... he has to go to the training in LA, right? It’s the right thing to do... right? Jungkook isn’t sure anymore. Being away from them for a month shouldn’t be that hard, he will come back eventually. But what if things change in that month? He isn’t sure if he will able to maintain their relationship if he is away for so long. Jungkook had learned that the hard way with his family and friends in his hometown.

And in all honesty, Jungkook doesn’t want to miss his hyungs. He doesn’t like missing people. He has suffered enough missing his family when he is only hours away, he doesn’t want to miss his hyungs being on the other side of the world. 

Jungkook curls himself in his bed when he feels the uncomfortable feeling on his stomach coming back.

He doesn’t want to go. No, I won’t go. He will stay here near his family and his hyungs.  He will learn how to put emotions into his dancing here and will debut with them. Yes, that what he will do.

So, why he feels like he is making the wrong decision?

But Jungkook won’t change his mind now. He doesn’t know how he will explain that to his boss though. How can you say to your boss that you will reject his proposal because you don’t want to be homesick? He needs to think something quick. But tomorrow, it’s already late and he is tired. 

And yet, he doesn’t feel like he can sleep anytime soon. Jungkook tries to find a good position but everything feels uncomfortable. He feels uncomfortable. How is supposed to rest when he feels so restless?

So he doesn’t. Not until at some point hours later at least. Jungkook only knows that when he opens his eyes again and the sunlight is entering the room. He barely can open his eyes, his body feels so so tired. He may have been able to sleep a couple of hours but he definitely didn’t rest at all. 

Slowly, he starts moving and feels his muscle aches more badly than usual. Still, he sits on his bed and looks around the room. 

Empty. The room is empty. The sleepiness left his body all suddenly. They left you. Ignoring his aching body, Jungkook goes out of the room almost tripping on the blankets. He hears something in their living room so he goes there. 

The surprised face of Seokjin speaking on the phone greets him. The oldest frowns at him and mouth a “what” at him. Jungkook releases his breath and Jin frowns deeper. Before he could say something about it, the voice on the other side of the phone seems to distract him. “What? I’m sorry mom, I didn’t hear you”.

Taking advantage of the distraction, Jungkook turns around and goes to the bathroom. 

What was that? Why he felt so anxious when he saw himself alone? It isn’t the first time he wakes up alone and probably won’t be the last. The memories of last night come back to his mind making him growl out loud. It is going to be like this now? Jungkook doesn’t like it but what else is he supposed to do? Go to the training on the other side of the world? No thanks. He hasn’t changed his mind about it. He just has to get used to it.

When Jungkook returns to his room ten minutes later, he finds Seokjin sitting on his bed. Why everyone is sitting on his bed now?

The oldest looks at him tilting his head to the side, “It’s everything okay?” 

Jungkook he goes inside the room slowly and stands awkwardly by the bed, “Yeah, why?”

“You seem like you saw a monster early”, Seokjin answers. 

“Oh”, he scratches the back of his neck, “I was just confused when I wake up, I thought it was a school day and that I was late”, he says hoping that Seokjin believes him, the oldest just hums in respond. “Where are the others?”

“Joonie, Hoseokie, and Yoongi went to the studio early. Taehyung and Jimin went to exercise at the park but they should be back soon. They wanted to wake you up to go with them but I told them to let you sleep”, he adds. 

“Why you didn’t go with them?”

Seokjin just shrugs, “Not in the mood today”.

They stay in silence for a moment too long looking at each other. 

“You want breakfast?” Asks finally. Jungkook looks at the clock on the wall —11:23am—, and nods. “Alright, let’s go”, says standing up and pushing him out of the room. 

10 minutes later, Jungkook and Seokjin are sitting on the floor by their tiny table. 

“Sorry that I couldn’t make you a proper breakfast”, apologize the oldest watching him eat the bowl of cereal. 

Jungkook shakes his head, “Don’t worry, it’s late anyway, I shouldn’t be eating anything”. 

“You shouldn’t be not eating breakfast”, correct softly. “We just need to buy groceries, maybe...”, he doesn’t complete the sentence and just stare at the wall in front, caught in his thoughts. 

They stay in silence until he finishes his cereal. Only the clock in the wall and their refrigerator can be heard, but it isn’t uncomfortable. Both share introverted personalities so they really don’t feel the need to fill the silence. 

Only when Jungkook puts his bowl on the table, Seokjin looks back at him. “You were talking with your mom early?” 

Seokjin nods. “Since everyone was gone and you were sleeping I call her so I could talk with her in peace and not with all of you screaming at the back”. Jungkook laughs at that. “Why you all always want to talk with her?”

Jungkook shrugs. “She is nice, she gives us stuff”.

“Wow, you only like my mom because she gives you stuffs, I’m hurt”, he jokes. 

“We don’t only like her for that. We also like your dad for the allowance he gives you”, jokes back with a mischievous smile. 

The oldest laughs dumbfounded by the confession. “Wow, I’m really hurt now. I’m gonna tell them this”, Jungkook continues smiling at the act of his hyung. “Have you call your parents?” Asks after a moment and his smile disappears. “You should call them now”, says reading the expression on his face, “I’m sure they want to know how his son is.”

Seokjin stands up and take the bowl to the kitchen leaving him alone with his thoughts. 

He knows that his hyung is right, he should call his parent. Jungkook really misses his parent’s voices but somehow he doesn’t feel ready to speak with them. Like they would see trough him even though they are kilometers apart.

Seokjin comes back and looks at him, “There is a problem? Why aren’t you calling them?”

But before he could even thought on an excuse, the front door is opened and a “We are back!” is heard. Seconds later, a sweated Taehyung and Jimin appears in front of the sala. “Jungkookie!”, exclaims Taehyung and throws himself over him. 

“Ah hyung”, he complains, “you’re sweated”, says and try to push him off. 

“We saw a puppy!” Says ignoring he complaints, “It was really little and cute!”

“Tae, leave him alone”, says Jimin pulling his friend shirt to make him stand again.

“But the puppy, he needs to know!” Explains to Jimin. 

“You can explain it later, let’s go change now”. Taehyung finally stands again and Jimin starts pushing him to their room but before they leave, Jimin speaks again. “Jungkookie, do you want to study now?”

In all honesty, he doesn’t want to. But he also doesn’t want to explain to Seokjin why he can’t talk to his parent now so if he has to study to not do it, he will study. “Alright hyung”, and stands up to follow them.

The two hours they have before going to work they spend it studying on Jungkook’s bed. He tries to focus on it but Taehyung keeps bothering both of them. They kick him out of the room at some point but he comes back five minutes later and lay down next to Jimin. After a moment he starts explaining things that Jimin forgets to mention leaving both of them dumbfounded (“I told you I could help you”, “I thought you were joking”). Jungkook feels grateful for his hyungs’ help. He wasn’t going to learn everything the first day but he is grateful anyway.

After a quick lunch that Seokjin manages to put together, they leave for the company. Jungkook walks with Jimin and Taehyung by his side, still evading Seokjin. He feels bad for doing it but he just needs time for him to forget about it and doesn’t bring back the subject again. So he just keeps talking with his younger hyungs hoping that everything will go back to normal that way. 

Sadly, that doesn’t happen. 

Maybe he is imagining it, but when their choreographer greets him, Jungkook could swear that he looks at him like he knows. He knows that he will reject the proposal and he is judging him so much for that. 

Jungkook tries to ignore the feeling, telling himself that he is all in his mind. But he swears that he is looking at him more while dancing. He try to stay back, hide behind his hyungs but the choreography they’re practicing have him front and center, exposed. The nervousness makes him do more mistakes, every error making the rest more tired and annoyed. 

He is disappointing his members and that only makes him feel worse. 

After Jungkook starts almost bowing 90º at the choreographer because he tripped with his own feet, the man calls a much-needed break. Everyone in the room grunts and goes to drink water or lay on the floor. Jungkook decides to do the later. He is drinking from the bottle when he feels a hand on his back making him almost jump on the spot. 

“Are you alright Jungkookie?” Asks Hoseok at his side with clear worry on his expression. 

“Yeah, yeah”, answers trying to sounds normal. 

“It doesn’t seem”, the frown was bigger now. 

Before he can excuse himself, another voice calls him, “Jungkook-ssi”. He did jump this time but still, turns around to face his oldest man. 

“Y-yes?”, he fidget with his t-shirt nervously. 

“There is a problem? You seem distracted today”, he mentions with actual worry on his voice. 

“Yeah! No! I mean”, he moves uncomfortably in his place, “I will do my best to not interrupt practice, I’m sorry for the problems”, and bows deeply. 

The man shakes his head, “I didn’t mean it like that”, he starts but Jungkook interrupts him. 

“I need to go to the bathroom!” He excuses himself and bolts out of the room.

For the second time in two days, he finds himself locked on a bathroom running away, this time in one of the cubicles. 

What is wrong with me? He isn’t like that, why his feelings are being such a mess lately? Why everything makes him feel so uncomfortable and nervous? He hates it. He hates it so much. He just wants to feel normal again. He wants to be happy. He doesn’t want to cause problems for others. He is supposed to act like a grown-up. He is a grown-up. Why is he acting like such a kid now?

Suddenly, the door of the bathroom opens and Jungkook can only stay still hoping that whoever entered doesn’t notice him. 

“Jungkook?” The voice of the oldest asks, “Are you here?”

Jungkook holds his breath trying to not make any sound. He hears the steps outside the cubicles looking for him and then stopping in front of his door. He looks down and curses himself for not lifting his feet on time. 

“Jungkook-ah?”, his voice is soft on the other side. “What is wrong?”

He stays still looking at the sneakers on the other side, thinking if he pretends that he isn’t there the other will go. 

“Please, let me help you”, Seokjin pleads and Jungkook can heard how broken his hyung sound. 

He doesn’t want to cause that to him, his hyungs have already too many problems to add his to the bunch. The less he could do is not make him beg. 

Slowly, he stands from the toilet and opens the door. He meets the worry expression of his hyung. “Hey”, says softly, “come here”, asks open his arms.

Jungkook hesitates for a moment. Does he really deserves a hug right now? Probably not but he definitely needs one. So, carefully, he steps forward but before he can’t even walk three-step, Seokjin closes the gap and hug him tightly. 

His body automatically melts, Jungkook hadn’t even noticed how much tense he was. Wrapping his arms in his hyung’s waist and snuggling his face on the crook of his neck, Jungkook decides to just stop thinking and instead embraces this. Embraces how warms and secure he feels being on Seokjin’s arms. Embraces the feeling of his hyung’s hands massaging his neck and caressing his neck. Embraces how nice is that he can feel his breathing on his ear. He can ignore how sweated they both are if that means he could hear his heartbeat.

This is so nice. So nice. And Jungkook needed it so much. He realizes that no one had hugged him in so long. Sure, Hoseok and Taehyung are pretty affectional people that like to show it by touch. But this is different. No one have hug him with so much intention in a long time. Like they’re trying to put him together just by the strength on their arms. 

Jungkook reminds that his dad used to hug him like that when he went to his room after a nightmare. His mom did it too when he hurt himself playing outside. He also remembers that the last time they hug him like that was when they were saying goodbye at the entry of the dorms before they come back to Busan. 

Seokjin’s hug doesn’t feel exactly the same. But it’s nice. A good different. Even if his hold was gentle than his dad, he didn’t feel less protected and loved. Jungkook doesn’t want to end this. 

His eyes start pricking with tears that want to escape. No, I won’t cry. He isn’t a baby anymore. No matter how much he wants to cry, Jungkook refuses to do it. 

After a couple of minutes, Seokjin calls his name. “Jungkook”, it’s just a whisper on his ears, “what is inside your mind?” He just hugs his hyung tighter and hides his face more making Seokjin sigh. “Please, talk to me”. 

More silence until he decides to speaks a minute later. “I’m just tired”, he says half lying, voice muffles on the shoulder of the oldest.

“Just that?”

He thinks for a moment, “I think I’m a little stressed”, Seokjin hums in response. “I don’t know, my mind doesn’t feel right”. 

“I see”, says and caresses his hair softly. “What do you want to do?” Jungkook somehow shrugs and Seokjin hums again. 

They stay like that for a couple of minutes. Jungkook really likes being like this, he wouldn’t mind staying longer. 

Sadly, Seokjin starts pulling him away. He grabs his T-shirt refusing to let him go completely yet. “Jungkookie, look at me”, asks and he looks up to meet his eyes. “Do you trust me?”

Jungkook frowns a little, he isn’t expecting that question. But the answer is easy for him. “Yes, I do”.

Seokjin smiles fondly and pats his head, “Then let hyung take care of you, alright”

He isn’t sure how he gonna do that but at the same time, he doesn’t have a doubt he will be able to do it. His hyung has been nothing but wonderful to him since the day he met him. Jungkook just nods in response. 

“But we have to come back now”, says and Jungkook scrunches his nose. “Are you gonna be fine?”

“Yeah, yeah”, answers a moment later. It’s not like he really can evade it forever. Or can I?

“Let’s go then”. 

Although he really not want to do it, he lets go Seokjin’s t-shirt. The oldest puts his arm around his shoulders and walk him out of the bathroom. 

Two steps into the practice room and someone grabs his wrist to pulls him. It takes him three seconds to realizes that it’s Taehyung who is pulling him to one of the corners of the room. “Watch this video Jungkookie”, simply says when both of them plus Jimin are sitting on the floor.

Jungkook is a little dumbfounded by the sudden approach but he appreciates the distraction. Still, he keeps side looking at the rest of his hyungs talking with the choreographer. Shouldn’t he go to apologize for suddenly bolt out of practice? But he can’t keep thinking about it cause Taehyung wants his opinion about the video (about an anime? He isn’t sure).

Before they could finish watching the second video, the man speaks again. “Guys, come here”. 

Slowly, he stands up and walks behind his hyungs, still nervous. 

“Practice is over”, announces, “don’t forget to stretch before going, alright? See you on Monday”, says, everyone says their goodbyes and soon after he is gone. 

Jungkook stays still in the middle of the room.  He really ruined practice, doesn’t it? You are disappointing them. That definitely doesn’t help him with his mood.  They shouldn't be missing practice. Especially him. If he really doesn’t want to go away, he has to prove he can improve here. But then again, the only emotion he can express right now with his dancing is annoyance and sadness. Jungkook doesn’t think that is the type of emotion they want to see.

“Jungkookie”, Jimin’s voice brings him back out of his mind, “what are you gonna do?” He blinks a couple of time without understanding so Jimin elaborates. “Hoseokie hyung and I are going to keep practicing a little more. Namjoon and Yoongi hyung are gonna work in the studio. And Jin hyung and Tae have vocal lessons now. What you want to do?”

What do I want to do? Jungkook wants to go home, be under his blankets and disappear from the world. Maybe sleep will help him, although he doesn’t think he could sleep even though his body feels like dying. But he doesn’t want to be alone there.

Jungkook looks around the room, eyes expecting his answer. But he stops when he meets with Namjoon’s ones. “Can I be in the studio with you?” Says almost pleading. 

Namjoon smiles fondly, “Of course you can”. 

“I promise I won’t bother you”, adds to him and Yoongi.

“You never do”, Yoongi answers like it is obvious. 

“Come on, let stretch so we can go”. 

After ten minutes of stretching and playfulness of his hyungs, they walk to their studio room. Yoongi goes directly to turn on their computer and Namjoon sits on the chair nearby searching something on his bag. Jungkook stands by the door not knowing what to do. He decides to just sit on the couch hugging his knees and watch his hyung work.

It isn’t the first time that Jungkook just sits and watches them work. He is a little curious about the production process but still feels insecure to even ask to do something himself. Still, it is kinda fun to watch them throw ideas around, try new things, and getting excited when they finally accomplish what they want. And today isn’t different. Even when his brain feeling weird, he like watching them work.

Sadly, it’s doesn’t last long. About ten minutes after they get there, someone knocks in their door. Jungkook tense up immediately, thinking someone is come to scold him. The door opens up after one of his hyungs says “Come in” and one of the company producers appears. His body relax and releases the breath he was holding.

“Namjoon-ah”, says ignoring his presence, he probably haven’t noticed him, “are you busy now?”

“Ah”, he doubts for a moment looking between Yoongi and the producer, “I was going to work on something with Yoongi hyung, why?”

“I wanted to talk with you about the song”, explains. 

Namjoon looks at Yoongi for a moment and he just does a movement with the head telling him to go. “Alright, I’m going”, answers standing up, “I’m coming back later”, says to Yoongi and he just nods looking at the screen. 

“Alright, let’s go”, says the producer and leaves the room. 

Namjoon follows him but stops by his side and hesitate for a moment before turning his head to him and speaks. “You should rest Jungkookie, try to sleep, alright?” Jungkook looks at him for a moment and then just nods, Namjoon smile showing a bit of his dimples and ruffled the youngest’s hair. “See you later,” says and leaves the room closing the door behind him. 

Jungkook looks at the door for a moment until he decides to listen to his hyung. Slowly, he lays down on the couch and try to make himself comfortable. Which it isn’t an easy job, the couch is old and he can feel that on every muscle that touches it. But he had sleep in worse places so he won’t complain. 

Still, after a couple of minutes, Jungkook can’t bring himself to sleep and he knows that the couch isn’t at fault. He closes his eyes and tries to rest but his thoughts are so loud and too many at the same time. He moves around –on his back, looking at the wall, on his stomach, and then back to look Yoongi on the computer –, trying to make himself stop thinking but it’s impossible. His body is tired but his mind is too active. He sighs loudly and decides to stay laying watching the back of his hyung work in silence. 

Jungkook isn’t sure how long he has been staring at his hyung but at some point, Yoongi turns his head at him and frowns. “You aren’t sleeping”, he states taking off his headphones and turning his chair to look at him. 

“I can’t sleep”, he simply says. 

Yoongi hums in acknowledgment. “Are you bored?” Asks and Jungkook manages to shrug in his position. “Then come here to help me with something”. 

Jungkook frowns slightly but starts sitting anyway, “But you are working with Namjoon hyung”, he mentions not wanting to intrude on their work. 

“I have other songs to work on”, explains. “You can help me with this one”.

“Are you sure?” 

Yoongi huffs. “Of course, I wouldn’t asking otherwise”, he says like is the most obvious thing in the world.  “Come here”, he pats the chair on his side where Namjoon was previously sitting. 

Jungkook hesitates for a moment, unsure of why he feels nervous, but still stands up and walks to the chair and sits slowly on it. 

“Here”, says taking off the headphones of his neck and gave it to him, “listen to this and tell me what you think”.

After he accommodates the headphones on his head, Yoongi does a double click, and music starts filling his ears.  The sounds are simple, probably on the early stage of production, but it has a heavy hip-hop vibe and a somehow familiar sound.  Probably the samples are from some song he has heard before but he can't point out the name of it.

Shortly after a minute, the music stops. Jungkook puts the headphones down on his neck and looks at Yoongi who is waiting expectantly. “So?” He asks after a moment. 

“It is good”, answers sincerely but not knowing what else to say. 

Yoongi hums again. “I start working on this a couple of days ago but I haven’t been able to continue it. I feel like is missing something”. 

Jungkook thinks for a moment. “Gunshots”, says bluntly making Yoongi’s brows to go high up. “You always put gunshots on your songs so maybe that was is missing”, explains when the older doesn’t speak. 

Yoongi blinks at him in silence before a big grin spreads on his face and a laugh escape of his mouth. And then another one until he is fully laughing throwing his head back and holding his stomach. Jungkook own smile spreads and a more soft laugh escape his lips, impossible to stop it, his hyung’s laugh is contagious. 

After a minute, Yoongi looks at him again, his eyes shining with happy tears. He points an accusatory finger at him and says while trying to hold his laugh, “They are great, okay? They give character to the song”. He tries to sound serious defending himself but a gummy smile makes its way to his face. 

“I never said they weren’t”, he says fake pout on his mouth, "I’m just mentioning a fact”, he tries to sound the more innocent possible but Yoongi can see through him and just shake his head with a smile on his face in response. 

“Whatever you say”, he says and turns around to the computer and starts playing around with the program on the screen. 

Jungkook looks at him focusing on his work, now a more serious expression on his face, probably looking for the missing part of his song. “You are amazing hyung”, he suddenly says without being able to stop himself. Yoongi turns around with a surprise expression but a shy smile fighting on his lips. Jungkook feels his cheeks to burn, “I mean”, he starts stumbling with his words, “it’s great that you’re able to create music, it’s great yeah”. 

Yoongi’s eyes on his own intimidates him so he decides to look at his hands instead. “Thanks”, the second oldest says with a soft voice, “You could do it too, you know?”, adds a moment later. 

He shakes his head, “I don’t think I can do it”. 

“Not with that attitude, that’s for sure”, he looks at his hyung again. “You can do it if you want to, aren’t you the Golden Maknae?” Says teasing him and Jungkook scrunches his nose at the nickname. 

“I don’t know why hyung keep calling me that”. 

“Because Namjoon sees what everyone else sees too: that you have so much talent and potential that you will able to do everything you propose to do”. Jungkook scrunches his nose again, “I mean it Jungkook-ah, you can do everything you want to do. It’s time to start believing more in yourself”.

It’s weird. He believes every word that Yoongi said and yet he feels like if he saw what is inside of him he wouldn’t speak so highly of him. Yoongi probably would feel disappointed with him, seeing him waste his potential like this. Jungkook wonders if he should speak to him about the training and what had been on his mind, his hyung always so mature would be able to give him the guide and advice he needs, Jungkook is sure. But he doesn’t feel capable of doing it now. Too scared of losing the proud shine that is in his hyung’s eyes.

You will disappoint him. Again. 

Jungkook just sighs, feeling dejected once again. 

“Okay, no more sighing, come here”, says and grabs the armrest of the chair to drag him closer to him. “Let me teach you the basic”. 

Jungkook sighs again but smiles slightly at him anyway. 

They spend the next hour or so fooling around with the music program.  Yoongi explain the basic to him and Jungkook sorta understood it, some terms still new to him.  But it was nice and help to distract him for a moment.  Yoongi taking his whole attention, always asking questions or making he do the things he explained.  Jungkook really couldn’t be with his own thoughts when his hyung was so talkative.

Past 8:30 pm, there is a knock on the door following by the click of its opening. Jungkook turns around and sees how Seokjin is entering the room. 

“Hyung! Did you finish your lessons?” Asks Jungkook. 

Seokjin looks at him for a moment while closing the door behind him but then smiles softly. “Yeah, I just finished. What are you doing?” He walks through them and stands behind them. 

“Yoongi hyung was teaching me how to produce a song”, explains. 

“Oh, and you learned something?”

Jungkook doubts for a moment and then shrugs. “Sort of. I think. I don’t know”, and scratch the back of his neck feeling a little insecure. 

“It’s just the first lesson”, Yoongi speaks suddenly turning to look at him. “When I teach you more you will able to do your own songs all alone”.

Jungkook looks into his hyung’s eyes and it feels like they are speaking to him. That is an invitation to come again to learn and be with him. His chest flutters with happiness and he can’t stop the big smile that spreads on his face. “Yeah”, it’s all his mind could form.

“I’m going to the dorms now, are you coming? Are you hungry?” Seokjin asks after a moment of silence to no one in particular. 

Jungkook stops for a moment, he hadn't thought about food in a while but the mention of it makes his stomach growl.  “Yeah, I want to eat”, answers looking at his hyung.

Seokjin nods at him and then turns, “Yoongi?”

He shakes his head still looking at the screen, “I have work to do and I’m still waiting for Namjoon”.  

“Alright”, he accepts easily. “Don’t stay working until too late and eat something with Namjoon, okay?” Yoongi only hums in response. “Let’s go Jungkook”. 

He gets up and goes to grab his stuff on the couch. Before getting out the door, Jungkook says a “See you later, hyung” and Yoongi turns around with a soft smile on his lips and a quick wave of his hand to him. 

They are almost out of the building when Jungkook speaks again. “Oh? We are not going with the rest?”

Seokjin shakes his head, “Taehyungie is still on vocal lessons and Jimin wanted to wait for him. Hoseokie is still practicing and is going to come back with them later I think, so it’s just you and me now”, says and opens the street door. “What do you want to eat? Should we go to eat somewhere?”

Jungkook stops his steps to think for a moment. The thought of his hyung taking him to eat out is always tempting, he knows his hyung would buy him any food he wanted. Any other day he would say almost without any doubt. But now, the idea doesn’t feel that great. And he hates it. He hates that can’t feel normal.  

“I don’t know”, he decides to answer. 

Seokjin hums. “You really don’t feel good, don’t you?” The statement makes him startle in the spot, suddenly feeling exposed, but the look on his hyung face makes him feel calm. There isn’t a bit of judgment or pity, just the usual fond with he usually look at him. “How about we buy something and we eat at the dorm, uhm?” Jungkook nods after a moment. “Alright, let’s go”.

Seokjin puts his arm around his shoulders and starts walking. After a little talk, they decide to buy black bean noodles for dinner. Seokjin buys for them and the rest and then both come back at the dorms carrying two bags each. Jungkook feels a little bad that his hyung pays for their food even though he doesn’t have to. But in the end, he decide to say nothing because Seokjin is happily chatting about the noodle they are about to eat. 

Once they are in their dorm, they don’t waste time and start eating right away. The only noises in the room are they slurping the noodles and Seokjin’s happy sounds. The food on his stomach does wonderful to his mind, almost immediately feeling better when his stomach is full.

They are almost done when the front door’s open and a lot of noise enters, also know as Hoseok and Taehyung.  Jimin walks behind them complaining about how their neighbors gonna complain about all the noise (Jungkook wonders how long it will take Jimin to be just as loud as them).  But everything is forgotten as soon as they see the food on the table.  Shortly after, the five of them are eating and talking loudly about their day.  Well, at least they talked, he just continues eating and enjoying their company.

They spend hours there, talking and laughing without caring about anything in the world. Jungkook join them at some point and it is great. No one ask him about his outburst early and he is grateful for that. 

At 11 pm, they start getting ready for bed. Although Sunday is their free day and don’t have to wake early, all of them could use more hours of sleep. Jungkook is waiting on the sala his turn for the shower when Seokjin appears there with a towel around his neck. 

“The bathroom is free”, announces and Jungkook gets up to go there but he speaks him before he could leave the room. “Jungkook”, says voice lower than usual, he stops and look at his hyung, “You remember what you told me early?” Jungkook tilts his head confused. “That you trust me”, explains and his mouth form an “o” in understanding. “Remember that tomorrow, alright?” Jungkook frown and want to asks but his hyung start pushing him to the bathroom, “Go go”.

Jungkook gives him a look but let himself be pushed to the bathroom. He is curious about what he means by that. Really curious. He did trusts Seokjin, that isn’t a problem, he knows that he will never gonna do something to hurt him on purpose. But what about on accident? Jungkook shakes his head. He won’t think about that. He trusts him and that’s it.

Later that night, when he is laying on his bed in a dark room without being able to sleep, the negative thoughts comes back again. Nervousness starts filling his body and and he hates it so much. Jungkook is so tired, he just wants to sleep and feel normal. He wants to fool around with his hyungs, he wants to see his family, he wants to feel well already. He can feels his eyes filling with tears so he just shut them harder and covers his face with his blanket. No, he won’t cry. No matter how frustrated he feels, he won’t do it.

No. 

No. 

No. 

——

The first thing he feels when he gains consciousness after falling asleep at some point is someone shaking him. Jungkook opens his eyes and tries to focus on the figure sitting on his bed but his eyes don’t cooperate. 

“Jungkook, wake up”, a whisper is heard near his ears and he almost recognizes the voice. He blinks a couple of times, “Wake up”, repeat and then recognize him. 

“Uh? Hyung?”, says still half sleepy, “what happens?”

“Nothing, but get up”, he still whispers. 

“What? Why?”

“Remember”, simply says and it took two seconds to understand. “Now get ready, we are going out”, elaborates getting up, “and don’t make much noise, the rest are still sleeping”.

Jungkook frowns and look at the clock. Almost 9 am. Why is Seokjin waking him up early on their only free day? He isn’t even sure how much he slept last night. He is about to complain but his hyung leaves the room before he can. He looks over the other beds and sees how the rest is still peacefully sleeping. Yoongi and Namjoon probably come back at some point of the night and he didn’t hear them. 

He sighs but gets off of his bed anyway. What else is he supposed to do?

10 minutes later, he finds Seokjin looking at his phone on the sala. 

“Where are we going hyung?” He asks pouting and Seokjin just laughs softly at him putting his phone in his pocket. 

“You will see, let’s go”. 

They left the building and starts walking. The sky is clear and it isn’t cold even if he is just wearing a hoodie. It’s a pretty good morning. Jungkook thinks he could appreciate it more if his body wasn’t feeling like dying because of the lack of good sleep.

“Where are we going?” Asks after a couple of minutes. 

“We are going for a walk”, answers just giving him a quick look. 

“Walk? You wake me up just to walk?” Says in disbelief. 

“What? Exercise is good for you”. 

“I think we do a lot of exercises all week”. 

“It’s not the same and you know it”. 

Jungkook whines, “Hyung”. Seokjin sighs and stops his walking and so he does too. 

“Alright. First, we are going to the convenience store for something to eat and then we go to our destination, okay” Jungkook look at him but then nods. 

They go to the near store and buy some kimbap, milk, and some other snacks. They keep walking eating in silence. There aren’t many people around, only a few walking their dogs or going to the store. 

Jungkook takes a sip of his milk, “So, where are we going?”

Seokjin laughs behind his hand, “You’re gonna keep asking that, don’t you?”

“Well, yeah, if you don’t tell me”. 

“I thought you trust me”

“I do but I’m curious”. Seokjin doesn’t respond, “Hyung, come on. Why are you trying to be so mysterious? It doesn’t suit you”.

“Wow”, says half laughing, “Why are you disrespecting me like that?” Seokjin tries to sound mad but Jungkook looks at him almost pouting so he can only sigh. “Right now we are going to the station, when we get there I will tell you where we are really going, alright?” Jungkook nods. “Good, now eat your food or I’m gonna do it”.  

Jungkook hugs his food and glares at his hyung making him laugh. They eat and talk and less than 10 minutes later they are at the outside of the station. Jungkook follows Seokjin inside, keeping his pace in the more crowded place, trying not to get lost. His hyung seems to know exactly where to go, not doubting any of his steps. 

They are on the platform when Seokjin speaks again. “We gonna have to transfer later but now, we are going to my home”, explains with a soft smile. 

His eyes grows bigger than expected, “Your home?”

“Well, my parents’ home. Although is still my home but yeah”, says and laughs massaging his own neck. 

“Why?” It’s all that he can says.

“And why not? I was going to go by myself anyway and thought that could take you with me for a change”, he shrugs. “Now you can say to them that you like them because they give you stuff”, he jokes and Jungkook can’t help to feel flustered. 

But before he can defend himself, the train come and they enter quickly. Jungkook doesn’t speak much after that, going back again into his brain. It will be the first time he met his hyung’s parents or any of the members' parents (although they all know his, except for Taehyung and Jimin). He feels kinda nervous about it but they can’t be bad if they have a son like Seokjin.

Fifteen or so minutes later, they are already on line 4, that one goes to Gwacheon. Seokjin explains to him that he usually takes the bus there but thought that the train would be more fun. He promises they will take the bus to go back to the dorms. 

The trip isn’t long, another fifteen minutes and the voice announces that they arrive at the Gwacheon station. They leave the cart and make their way up to the surface once again. 

The sunlight hits his eyes blind him for a moment but when they adjust to the new lighting, he can appreciate his new surroundings. And it’s strange, the tall buildings and cars passing by make him feel like he hasn’t Seoul but the atmosphere is different. Calmer, greener, less noisy. It makes Jungkook feel like there is something wrong there or maybe he is just getting too used to the loud life of the capital. 

“Do you like it?” Seokjin’s question brought him back to reality, he haven’t realize that he stop at the top of the mechanical stairs.

He rapidly moves to the side to not bother other people. “It feels weird”, says and his hyung tilt the side confused. “It’s kinda... silent”, elaborates and Seokjin laugh at that. 

“Yeah, it’s calmer here, which makes it perfect to come to relax, don’t you think?” Jungkook nods. “Let’s go this way”, says and starts walking ahead. 

The temperature has risen a bit making him start sweating but it was still alright. It is just an announcement that the summer is getting closer. He really doesn’t want to think about that now so he focuses on his hyung instead. 

“It will be only your parents ?” 

“And Jjanggu, don’t forget about him”, adds with a fond smile for his dog. “But yes, it’s only us for now. My brother gonna come for dinner later”.

“Dinner?”

“Yeah, what about it?”

Jungkook shrugs, “I don’t know, I thought we wouldn’t stay for long”. 

“You thought we come all the way here just to say hi and come back?” Asks half laughing and puts an arm around his shoulders, “We gonna be here and lazy around until late and eat a lot of tasty food”, announces with a big grin and Jungkook can’t hide his. 

“Do they know I’m coming?” Says a little insecure. 

“Of course, I told them I was bringing a friend with me. They are excited to meet you, especially my mom. Don’t worry about anything and just enjoy the day, alright?” He nods into the response. 

Seokjin guides him through different streets and as they get far from the station, everything gets quieter and quieter. At some point, they are the only ones walking in a tiny street. 

After a turn, Seokjin speaks again. “The one right there”, says pointing a house made of some kind of stone, “that’s my home”. 

As they get closer, his hyung smile get bigger and it’s contagious. Soon, they are in front of the two-story house. Seokjin pulls out a set of keys of his pocket and opens the front yard door. He is almost opening the front door when he turns around to see him. 

“What are you doing?” Asks frowning at him, “Come here”. 

Jungkook blinks and realizes that he still standing on the street. Quickly he enters closing the front yard door behind him and goes to his side. 

“Don’t space out in the streets, it’s dangerous”, scolds him putting his key on the lock and he just smiles embarrassed. 

Seokjin shakes his head but finally opens the door and makes him enter first. Jungkook stands awkwardly by the entry looking around while his hyung is closing the door. 

“We are home!” Announces and start taking off his shoes, Jungkook imitates him. He is taking off his second sneakers when he hears tiny foots approaching. He looks up and sees how a tiny white dog is in front of them wagging his tail. “Hey there buddy”, salutes bending down to pet him, Jungkook follow closely behind. “Jjanggu, this is Jungkookie. Jungkookie, this is our Jjanggu”, presents them.

He looks at the dog that doesn’t stop wagging his tail, “Hi...” says not sure what else to say. 

“Come on, you can pet him, he not gonna bite you”, encourages him. Jungkook crouch by his side and slowly starts petting him between his ears. “See? He is a good boy”, he smiles at the dog, it reminds him to his own. 

“Seokjinie”, the voice of a woman make him almost jump in the spot. He looks up and sees her standing there drying his hands with a kitchen towel. 

His hyung stands up and goes to her. “I’m home, mom”, says and bends a little to put his head on her shoulder and hug her. 

“Welcome back. I thought you were going later, food isn’t really yet”, says patting his back. 

Seokjin shakes his head breaking the hug, “It’s alright”, says and turns his head in his direction. He stands up and gets closer awkwardly, feeling nervous all suddenly. “Mom, this is Jungkook. Jungkook, this is my mom”.

Jungkook does a bow to her. “It’s nice to meet you, Mrs. Kim”, he feels himself blush. 

Mrs. Kim looks at him for a moment and then smile so widely that makes wrinkle around her eyes. Somehow, Jungkook feels like he has seen that smile so many times before. “So this is the famous Jungkookie”, says and cup his face between her hands, “he is such cutie pie Seokjinie, why didn’t you tell me before?” He feels his cheeks burn some more on her cold hands.

“It’s because your son is cuter”, explains.  

“Ah yes”, she pulls her hands off his face and turns to watch his hyung, “Seokjoong is really cute”, teases him. 

“Mom, that’s low”, says in a serious tone but his mom just laughs and squishes his cheeks now. 

“My Seokjinie is cute too”, says smiling and Seokjin can’t help but smile too. “Come, come, let’s say hi to your dad”, and starts walking into the house. 

“Yeah, give us a second”, says and she just nods before disappearing. Seokjin turns around and takes some home slippers from the shoe rack and put it in front of Jungkook. “Here. Are you alright?” He nods while putting the slippers on. “Don’t mind her too much, she is like that with everyone. Now, let’s go”, Seokjin pats his back and starts walking. 

They pass the living room to the kitchen where they only see the back of a man cutting something. He turns around his head when he hears the footsteps and gives them a small smile. Jungkook stops at the kitchen entry while Seokjin walks to him. 

“Hi dad”, salutes Seokjin and gives him a side hug. 

“How are you? Did you eat?” Asks still cutting something. 

“Yeah, we eat something when we were coming. Jungkook-ah”, Seokjin calls him with a hand movement to come closer, he does. “Dad, this is Jungkook”. 

“Nice to meet you sir”, says bowing before anyone else could say something. 

He laughs loudly and pats his arm, “Nice to meet you too, Seokjin had told us a lot about you”. 

“Only good things”, Seokjin adds putting his hands over his shoulders. 

“Boys here”, his mom make them turn around, “drink this”, says and show them two glasses of water on the counter. 

“Oh thanks, mom”, Seokjin push s him softly to starts walking to the other side of the counter where they couldn’t get on the way. His hyung pats the stool next to him and makes him sit there side by side. He takes one of the glasses and drinks it after saying a low “thank you” but he isn’t sure if someone heard it. “What there is for lunch?”

Jungkook doesn’t listen to the answer. He instead keeps looking at the glass in his hands. It’s not like he wanted to ignore the conversation, it’s just it isn’t easy to participate in it. Sometimes he hates how shy he can be. 

“Jungkook-ah”, someone call him and make him jump, he looks around and sees how everyone is looking at him. His cheeks start burning at the attention. 

“Uh, I’m sorry, what?”, says to no one in specific. 

“I was asking”, Mrs. Kim starts saying so he turns to look at her, “if you want something to eat or if you’re tired”. 

Jungkook shakes his head rapidly. “No, I’m fine, thank you”. 

Seokjin’s mom looks at him for a moment and then laughs softly behind her hand. “You don’t have to look so frightened, sweetheart”.

He opens his mouth to answer but a hand on the back of his neck makes him stop. “He is just shy at first”, explains Seokjin massaging his neck, “but give him a little time and he will be really loud”. Jungkook looks at him frowning a little, “Don’t give me that look, you know it’s true”.

“You know”, speaks Seokjin’s mom suddenly cupping her face and looking directly at him, “I want to ask so many things about you but I feel like I already know the answers because my son has already told me everything. He is always calling to complain about all of you”. 

“That’s not true! You know that’s not true Jungkook”, his hyung explains to him a little flustered. “It’s not like I can talk in private because they are always around anyway”.

His mom laughs behind his hand, “It’s always so fun to receive a call from him because there is always screaming behind him. Who was the one from last time? The one who was reciting some lines from a drama?”

“Oh, wasn’t that Tae hyung?” Answers Jungkook looking at him. 

“Yeah, Taehyung, I remember that name. I would like to know him, he seems like such a happy kid”. 

“He is”, Seokjin agrees with a fond smile. 

“Do you get along with them?” Suddenly asks him. 

“Me?” Says and Mrs. Kim nods. “Yeah”. 

“You can tell me if my son is bothering you”. 

Seokjin complains and Jungkook just laughs. 

“Boys”, Seokjin’s dad speaks suddenly making him startle, he almost forgets he was here too. “Since food won’t be ready yet, why don’t you go walk Jjangu?” He suggests. As if he was listening, the white dog appears by their foot and wags his tail.

“What do you say Jungkook?” Seokjin asks but he still looking at the dog. Jjanggu keeps looking at him and he could swear that he smiles at him.

“Okay”, says simply bending a little to pet him. 

Five minutes later, Jungkook is closing the front gate behind him while Seokjin is already walking with Jjanggu in front of him. He speeds up until he is at their side. 

“It’s really nice today”, comment the oldest after a moment, “Before I would take hour-long walks on days like these with Jjanggu. But he is getting old and me or my brother aren’t around that much so we can’t do that much now. But it’s nice, don’t you think?”

Jungkook watches the dog in front of them for a moment before he speaks again, “I use to take long walks with Gureum too. Sometimes we would walk him by the river with my brother. And in the summer we would go to the beach with my family and take him too”. 

“Oh, that sounds like a lot of fun”.

“Yeah”, it’s all he can say. Jungkook wonder if he can go back to those days. He didn’t appreciate it enough then and now he regrets it. He sighs again. 

“You should take me there someday”. 

Jungkook turns his head to his hyung, “Huh?” Seokjin only smiles at him. “To where?”

“To Busan, to your home, so I can met Gureum and we can take him on walks. I think it would be fun to do that”, he shrugs nonchalantly. “Although I think the rest would like to go if we tell them and I’m not sure if your parents would like to have the seven of us there”.

Jungkook thinks about that for a moment. His family and his hyungs together, in his hometown. Could that be possible? He could take them to all his favorites places and they could eat his favorite food together. He can’t hide the smile that starts growing on his face.

“I think it would be fun too”, says feeling happy at the thought. 

“Then will we do it someday soon, okay?” Jungkook nods and Seokjin smiles at him like he accomplished something that he can’t understand yet.

Minutes later, they arrive at a park nearby. Seokjin takes the leash out of his dog so he can run around freely. Feeling a little better, Jungkook starts running with Jjanggu. He tries to gain his attention but the small dog just ignore him, more interested in smelling the dirty on the ground. He can hear Seokjin laugh in the distance but he doesn’t mind and continues playing around. 

Almost an hour later, they start walking to the house while Jungkook is holding the leash of Jjanggu. They talk vividly the whole way back and made it in no time. He is so immersed in the story his hyung is telling them that almost didn’t realize they are in the hallway going to the living room until someone else speaks.

“Welcome back, did you have fun?” Seokjin’s mom is sitting on the couch with her husband by her side watching television. 

“Yeah, Jungkook lost a race against Jjanggu”, his hyung tells them and makes him sit down on the one person couch while he sits in the hand rest.

“I let him win”, he defends himself while pouting. 

“Sure thing you did”, says ruffling his hair. 

“Food is almost ready, are you hungry?” Before he can answer, his stomach growls loudly making everyone laugh. He wants to hide and lucky for him, Seokjin pushes him softly to his side so his parent can’t see him. “Come to help me, Seokjinie”, says his mom standing up. 

“Alright”, says turning around to him, “Just stay here, alright?”

Jungkook nods at him and Seokjin leaves to the kitchen after ruffling his hair again. He can hear their muffled voices talking happily in the kitchen, but in the living room, only the voice of the presenter on tv was hears. He glances a moment to Seokjin’s dad and sees how the man is just watching the screen. He seems like a calm and collected person, probably on the introvert side. Jungkook can see from where his hyung got that calm side. And he also could from where he got his caring and happy side. His mom seems like a happy, talkative, and kind person, you can even see that on her face. Seokjin looks a lot like her, physical and personality-wise. They seem like a happy family, it make him happy that his hyung has a family like this.

He blinks again and sees that Seokjin’s dad is looking at him with a question on his face. Jungkook shakes his head and looks at the screen instead. He really needs to stop spacing out. There is some travel program on tv that he isn’t familiar with but he doesn’t mind. There is some travel program on the screen that he isn’t familiar with but he doesn’t mind. 

The chatter on the kitchen, the voice of the presenter, the breeze that enters from the open window make him feel comfortable in there. Reminds him of those lazy days in his home when no one wanted to do anything but to be each other company. Jungkook wonders what his family could be doing now. Are they home or they are out eating something? Whatever it is, he would like to be there. He really would like to be there. 

Before his thoughts start going down, he hear steps getting closer. He turns around to peep over the back of the couch and see how Mrs. Kim is putting the things on the table. He asks himself if he should offer his help but he stays silent. When she is coming back to the kitchen, she notices him and locks eyes with him. She seems to want to say something but Seokjin appears before that and frowns a little by the interaction. 

“What?” Says confused looking at both. 

“Look at him. Look at those eyes”, she says without stop staring at him, “how could you resist?” Jungkook feels himself blushing but smile widely anyway behind the back of the couch. 

Seokjin snorts but keeps walking to put the juice jar on the table. “No one really does”, he admits. 

“Can I help with something?” He asks suddenly feeling brave.

Seokjin’s mom put his hand over her chest, “Oh my, he is so polite too, why weren’t you like that?” Asks hitting his son’s arm when he passes by. 

Seokjin look offended at her, “I was, I am. Mom!” Jungkook laughs at his expression and he gets into the kitchen shaking his head. 

Mrs. Kim goes to her husband who is looking at her with a glace full of love, “Honey”, she says nudge his arm, “we should adopt him”. Jungkook starts giggling behind his hand, “Maybe we should start a family now and adopt him as our first son”. 

“Do you think so?” Says to his wife with a smile. 

“I’m right here!” Seokjin screams from the kitchen making him giggle even more. 

“I don’t think my parent would want to give me in adoption”, Jungkook explains to her. 

“Are you sure? I think we can come to an agreement”, Jungkook nods. “Oh, it’s a shame”, says sounding genially disappointed. “Oh, look who is here”, says suddenly and walks to her son who is standing behind him with his arms crossed. “If it isn’t my cute son?”

“So now I’m your son?” Says pouting to his mom. 

“You know I always wanted another child”. 

“You wanted a girl”, he continues pouting. 

“Your mom can’t change her mind?”

“No, she can’t!”

She laughs loudly at him, “You look so cute when you are mad”, says squeezing his cheeks, “but let’s eat now, the food is getting cold”. 

She pats his arm and walks away. Seokjin signs and drops his arms to the side feeling dejected but with a tiny smile on his face. With a head movement, he tells him to get up so he does.

They sit side by side on the table after washing their hands and see that in front of him there is a bowl with bibimbap. His mouth starts watering at the sight. When everyone is sitting they start eating, in silence at first but then Mrs. Kim starts speaking filling the air with her voice. 

Jungkook doesn’t participate much in the conversation, aside from answering some questions directed to him. But it isn’t for shyness anymore, he is simply concentrating on eating his food.

He doesn’t understand exactly how but this food makes him feel at home.  Maybe is because it was cooked by a mom.  What is the deal with moms and food that always ends tasting even better?  Because this food right here, it’s not only filling his stomach but also his heart.

After eating the dessert (a bowl of fresh cut fruits because Mrs. Kim says she “want to keep healthy her little stars”) and clean the table, Seokjin excuse both of them so they can go to his old room, followed by Jjanggu. 

Jungkook stops at the door and looks around. “Hyung, I think you have a problem”. 

Seokjin turns around and looks at him confused, “What? Why?” He points around at all the Mario figurines in the room. “Oh come on, it’s not that bad”. 

“I feel watched now”, says entering the room still looking around. 

“Wait until I got more money to spend, I will cover this room with more figurines”. 

“Why are you threatening me now?”

Seokjin laughs loudly. “Shut up and come here”. 

He sits down on the floor in front of the bed while his hyung turns on the console. He had promised before that he would beat his ass on Mario Kart so now they would see if that was true. 

They spend the next hour or so playing video games. They laugh and complain loudly when they lose or win. Jungkook discovered that his hyung is a bad loser but lucky for him, Seokjin doesn’t lose that much (“I have been playing this before you could even walk, you can’t beat me that easily”), which make everything more fun. 

But he starts feeling sleepy after a while, his eyes start closing on their own making him lose more often. 

“You should take a nap”, says Seokjin when he notices it. Jungkook shakes his head, “Why not? You are tired”. 

“Wouldn’t be disrespectful to come here to sleep?”

Seokjin laughs softly, “I think is more disrespectful to come here to scream”, mentions. “Go to nap, I will wake you up for dinner if you sleep too much. Go go”, says nudge his side. 

“I don’t know know if I can sleep with so many eyes watching me”, says standing up to go the bed. 

“Shut up you brat”, scolds him half laughing. 

“How did you even sleep here?” 

“I’m sleeping pretty great, thank you very much. Now lay down, close your eyes, and shut up”. 

Jungkook laughs at him but does as he is told. He makes himself comfortable in the soft bed and stays still looking at the window. The sky is light blue and he could see there is a soft breeze by the movement of the leaves in the tree outside. He closes his eyes and lets himself lullaby by the sound of his hyung pressing the button of the joystick. 

When he opens his eyes again, the sky starts looking orange. How long did he sleep? No, scratch that. How well did he sleep? Jungkook feels rested, his body doesn’t ache and his head doesn’t hurt. He stretches still laying and his body feels even more relaxed after that. Jungkook snuggles closer to the pillow and closes his eyes again. Everything feels so nice now. The soft duvet under him, the light blanket that Seokjin covered him with at some point, the pillow that smells like his hyung perfume. It is really nice. Maybe he should sleep more often on his hyung’s bed, probably that would help him sleep better. Jungkook wouldn’t mind go to the top bunk when he needs it. 

But for now, he can stay here and forget about everything, even if it’s just for a moment.  

Jungkook thinks he fell asleep again because now the sky is completely orange. He probably should get up now, dinner will be ready soon. Seokjin told him that he will wake him up but he didn’t want to abuse much of the kindness of them. So, collecting all his willpower, Jungkook starts getting out of bed. He folds the blanket, stretches again, and get out the room.

He goes downstairs and walks to where he hears the voices coming, the kitchen. Jungkook sees that both Seokjin and his mom are cooking. 

“Oh hello there”, says Seokjin’s mom as soon as she see him, “how was the nap, sweetheart?”

He smiles shyly and stands a little awkward at the entry of the kitchen, “It was fine”. 

“Come to sit down, we are preparing dinner”, he sits on one of the stools. “We are doing samgyeopsal, I heard that was one of your favorites”. 

Jungkook can’t control the expression of his face, “Yes!”

Both of the present laugh at him, “Well, get ready to eat a lot then”.

They keep cutting stuff and Jungkook can only see their backs, so he decides to go with Seokjin and watch over his shoulder what he is doing. His hyung looks at him for a second but then his eyes was back to the cutting table. 

He stays there watching him until Seokjin speaks, “You can help if you want”. 

“Do you want me to use a knife?”

“I trust more in you with a knife that any of the other kids”, says making him smile. “Come on, wash your hands and do it”. 

Jungkook quickly washes his hands and come back to Seokjin giving him the knife. He teaches him how to properly use the knife, how to hold it, and the position on his hands. Seokjin is a really patient teacher and his mom too, considering that they are playing with the dinner. She doesn’t tell anything to them, just occasionally look at them and smile. 

“See? That was easy. Now you can help me when I cook on the dorms”, says Seokjin patting his back. 

“You just wanted an assistant”, accuses him pouting. 

“You are right, and now I have one. Best day ever”, says smiling widely. 

There is a sound from the front door makes them turn around. Then, a man's voice is heard, “I’m home!” 

Quickly, Mrs. Kim goes out of the kitchen with a smile. “My brother just came”, explains Seokjin putting the carrot they just cut on a bowl, his mouth form an “o”, he forgot about that. 

Soon after, Mrs. Kim comes back with an older guy. He is about the same height as Seokjin but he seems bigger somehow and it has the same kind face that all of them. It must be a family trait. 

“Seokjoong, sweetie, this is Jungkookie”, says excitedly their mom dragging her son where he is. 

“Nice to meet you Seokjoong-ssi”, Jungkook salutes doing a tiny bow.  

“Call me hyung, Seokjoong-ssi makes me feel old”, says simply. 

“Oh, okay... hyung”, says and he hears Seokjin snort at his side. 

“So, what brings you here?” Asks putting his arm around his shoulders and dragging him out of the kitchen. Jungkook is taken back by the casual familiarity, “I didn’t think Jin-ah would bring one of the boys today”.

“You know me?” Asks ignoring his question. 

Seokjoong snorts and drags him down to sit down on the couch, still with his arms on him, “Of course I know you, you are Jeon Jungkook, the youngest of the group, right?” He nods. “Seokjin always call to complain about you”. 

“That’s a lie!” Seokjin screams from the kitchen. 

“We are having a private conversation here!” Screams back almost on his ear but he doesn’t mind. “So, tell me, how is Jin there? I need blackmail material”. 

Jungkook laughs behind his hand, “He is good”, says not sure what else to say. 

“Come on, tell me something more”, says poking his arm. 

Jungkook thinks for a moment, “Seokjin hyung... he is really good. At singing and to us. He is always taking care of us even if he doesn’t have to. He is a really good hyung”. 

The expression of the older brother changes from a teasing one to a more soft and proud look. “It’s that so?”, his voice is soft. Jungkook nods, “I’m glad then”. 

“Hyung”, Seokjin says getting out the kitchen and next to them, “why are you harassing him?”

“I’m not harassing him, we are bonding, right Jungkook-ah? I’m taking him out to eat soon so he can tell me all about you as a trainee”, says teasing him again.

“Hyung”, he whines at him, “why are you bonding with the enemy?”

Seokjoong gasps and remove his arms from him, “What do you mean?” He asks his brother. 

“Mom almost disowned both of us because she wanted to adopt him and make him her only son”, explains pouting and crossing his arms.

The older brother gasps again, more dramatically this time, and get off the couch to stand by his younger brother. “How could do you this to us?”

“I didn’t do anything!” Defends himself trying to fight the smile on his face. 

“And we that treat you like part of the family, the betrayal”, he shakes his head. “And you mother!” Almost screams in the kitchen’s direction, “How could you say that?”

She appears at the kitchen entry, “I did it  and I would do it again”, says firmly with hands on her hips. 

Both of her sons gasps together. “What, what is this?” Asks the older massaging his chest, “Is this how a heartbreak feels like?”

“And you know what is worse?” Says Seokjin nudging his brother's clothes, “Dad didn’t even try to stop her”. 

“I can’t believe this”, says with disappointment in his voice pinching his nose bridge.  “We don’t have parents anymore, it’s really you and me against the world, uh?”

“Why are you being dramatic now?” Their dad says, coming from somewhere Jungkook doesn’t know.

“Hello, strange person that live here and that I definitely don’t know, how are you?”

That was the last straw. Jungkook couldn’t hide his laugh anymore so he just laughs freely making his stomach hurt. 

“Hey, Jungkookie! Why are you laughing? We are having a family crisis here!”, screams at him but he can hear the laugh in his voice which only makes him laugh louder and fall on his side on the couch, “Jungkook!” Seokjin knees down on the couch and starts tickling him. He just transforms on a giggling mess that doesn’t seems have any intention to stop any time soon.

Jungkook isn’t sure how long has been but it takes another couple of minutes after his hyung stopped tickling him to calm down. Still, some laughs escape and some tears too. Seokjin is sitting by his side watching him with a smile while he is laying down on the couch. It’s only them in the living room.

“That was cruel hyung, you didn’t have to tickle me”, complains without any meaning in his voice. 

“That what happens when you laugh of other people’s tragedies”, says poking his stomach making laugh again. 

“Stop”, says giggling and hit his hands away. 

“Boys, go wash your hands, we are gonna eat”, he hears Seokjin’s mom say from somewhere he can’t see. 

Seokjin helps him to get up and they do what she told them to do. When they come back at the table, the grill already some pieces of pork in there. The smell makes his mouth watered again so he quickly sits down. 

Little by little, the meat gets cooked and they start eating. Jungkook’s first bite almost makes him cry, it’s been long since he eats samgyeopsal for the last time, he almost forgets how good it tasted. He could eat it forever and never be tired of it. 

Dinner pass like that. Food and drinks going around the table (coke for him, no matter how much he looks at the beers in front of him, Seokjin makes it pretty clear that he was still too young for that), and the conversation flows naturally between them. They include him on the topics and listen to his answers. Seokjin makes sure that there was always food on his plate and his mom always asks him if he wants something else. Seokjoong keeps teasing him and trying to get something about his younger brother. It’s almost like they know him since forever and not just a couple of hours ago. The thought made him happy. Really happy. 

When Jungkook is finishing his hotteok, Seokjin speaks. “I think we should be leaving soon. I don’t want to lost the last bus”. 

“I would offer you to take you back but I think I’m too drunk for that now”, says Seokjoong. 

“You just stay here and try not to be a public hazard”, says Seokjin to his brother and he laughs. 

“Jinnie, take some food with you, I know the boys will appreciate it”, says his mom standing up. 

“Oh thanks, mom”, responds and follows her to the kitchen. 

Jungkook follows them with his eyes until they disappear. When his stare comes back to the table, Mr. Kim is looking at him. He feels like he should say something to him, even if they didn’t talk to each other much. “Thank you for having me today”. 

Seokjin’s dad shakes his head with a smile. “It was a pleasure to have you here and finally met one of the boys my son always talk about. Seokjin is a really committed to this new life and he seems to really like all of you so I hope you can always treat him kindly”.

Jungkook nods vividly. “I will! I will take care of hyung”, promises heartily. 

Seokjin’s dad and brother laugh fondly at him. “Then I have nothing to worry about”. 

“Now if it is Seokjin that one who is causing you problem”, starts Seokjoong, “you can call me and I will fix it for you, alright?”

Jungkook giggles behind his hand but nods anyway. At that moment, Seokjin and his mom come back to the table with two bigs bags. 

“We should be going now Jungkookie”. 

He starts saying his goodbyes, a little awkward but he is pulled in a hug by Mr. Kim. Seokjoong hugs him too, more tightly. Seokjin is pulled in a hug too making his hyung giggle. It is easy to forget that he is the youngest of his family. They start telling him something and suddenly Jungkook feels he was intruding a personal moment. So he takes that as his cue to leave and go at the door to wait there. 

He is kneeling down petting Jjanggu when Seokjin’s mom calls him. He feels embarrassed that he forgets to say goodbye to her so he quickly gets up and bows deeply to her. “Thank you for everything today”. 

She laughs softly, “It was my pleasure to have such a cute and polite boy here”, he stands straight again. “You really remembered me when my boys were your age, it was really nice. You can come back whenever you want, the door of this home is always open for you, alright?” Jungkook smile and nods. “Also”, her voice softer than before, “whatever is bothering in your mind right now... it will pass, just hang in there, alright? And if you need help, ask for it. I know my son will gladly help you and I’m sure the rest will do the same for you. Everything gonna is alright. Know that there is another person that is rooting for you here, okay?” She finishs caressing his hair with a soft expression.

Jungkook feels his eyes prick and his throat tightens, he knows he won’t be able to speak now so just nods with his eyes closed. 

He hears steps getting closer. “Mom”, Seokjin says, “I’m going”. 

Jungkook opens his eyes when she stops caressing his head and goes to her son. “Have a safe way back and enjoy the food. Don’t forget to call me”.

“Never, mom”, says and hugs her tightly. 

“I love you so much Seokjinie”, says and kisses his cheek. 

“I love you too mom”, says and broke the hug to put his shoes. “I will text you when we are at the dorms, alright?” She nods. “Bye Jjanggu, bye mom”.

“Take care!”

The last thing Jungkook sees from inside the house is Mrs. Kim and Jjanggu in the entry waving at them. 

Seokjin passes one of the bags to him and starts walking to the bus stop. The sky is dark already and the moon is full now, shining brightly over them. The streets are still silent which make it easy for him to be alone on his thoughts.  

Jungkook starts thinking about what Mrs. Kim said. Did she realize that something was bothering him on her own or his hyung tell her? In all honesty, he did forget about his worries for most of the part while he was there. Probably Seokjin told her about his outburst from yesterday. Should he be mad about that? Jungkook looks for a moment at his hyung who is just looking at the road ahead. No, he can’t be mad at him. He probably just wanted some help to deal with him. I’m really causing problems. That is the last thing he wanted to do and yet, there he is. 

“Its everything okay?” Asks Seokjin when he hears him sigh. 

It’s everything okay? He doesn’t know. So he just stays silent and keeps walking. It’s Seokjin who sigh now but says nothing else. 

It takes them ten minutes to get to the bus stop. He sits there and watches the cars pass by in silence. Everything is so silent now. He never thought he would miss the noisy life of Seoul, but now he just wanted the noise to distract him from his own thoughts. 

The bus doesn’t take long to come. They got in there and sit on the back, again, in silence. He just looks out of the window, how the moon follows them.

Jungkook tries to distract himself, think about the classes tomorrow and practice. But his mind always returns to the same thing. 

He was a fool. Today was just a distraction, nothing has changed. He still has to talk to his boss tomorrow and tell him that he won’t go to the special training because he doesn’t want to be homesick. The more he think about it, the more stupid and childish he feels. And yet, he doesn’t want to change his mind. Or does he want to? He isn’t sure anymore. He doesn’t want to think about it but he really should. But it’s not like it really matters, he gets the same conclusion every time.

He wants to see his family so badly now. He wants to run away, be with them, and hide from the world. He misses them so badly. But if he does that, everyone will be disappointed. His family, his hyungs, his boss. Himself. 

This is driving him crazy once again. Jungkook should have slept more on Seokjin’s house because he knows he won’t get any tonight. 

The rest of the trip he spends it trying to calm his mind and stomach but it is complicated.  He wants to return and stay on Gwacheon until the world stops threatening him. If he can’t have his own parents, his hyung’s parents will do the work. 

Jungkook starts being aware of his surroundings again when Seokjin shakes his shoulder to tell him that the next stop is theirs. He isn’t really sure where he is but he trusts his hyung so he just gets out the bus with him. 

He doesn’t really recognize the zone in the dark but doesn’t mind. They walk and walk and don’t seem to get to the dorms. Jungkook is about to mention it but Seokjin speaks first. 

“Jungkook, can we stop here for a moment?” Asks watching the kids’ park a little ahead from them, “I want to talk with you”. Jungkook feels like his stomach drops, he wants to say no but his hyung speaks again. “Please”, his voice is pleading and he can’t resist so he just nods.

They walk to the kids’ park and sits on the swings that are definitely too small for them. It’s really silent here and he is worry that people would be mad at them for being there. But again, he doesn’t say anything. Instead, he looks at the bag of food resting on his legs. 

Seokjin doesn’t speak for a couple of minutes even though it looks like he wants to. “Jungkook-ah”, starts with a soft voice, “I want to know what is bothering you”. 

Jungkook body tenses immediately. “Nothing”, says too quickly, more an automatic response than conscious thought. 

“Jungkook...”

“Really, I’m fine”, says again too quickly and still looking at the bag on his legs. “I was just tired, really hyung”.

Seokjin sighs. “I thought you were only tired, just too stressed. That’s why I take you with me to my parents' home so you could relax and it worked. At least I thought it worked. But we got out there and it’s like we are back at the start and I don’t know what else to do. Please, tell me what to do”.

Jungkook can hear the plea on his voice and it’s breaking his heart. He doesn’t want to make his hyung feel like that but his whole body is paralyzed. He is scared to speak. 

“Something happened?” He try again. “Something in school? Someone is bothering you? Or someone did something to you in the company?” There isn’t a response. “It’s about the special training?” His body immediately jumps at those words and Seokjin understands, “It’s the training proposal? You don’t want to do it?”

Do I want to do it? Do I want not to do it? He isn’t sure what he wants more so he just shrugs in response. 

“You know you don’t have to do it if you don’t want to, right? They can’t make you do anything if you are not 100% sure about it”. 

But I’m not 100% sure about anything. He knows that he should go there, he knows that he would learn a lot there and be a fun experience. But he also knows that he doesn’t want to be away from home. 

“You don’t want to do it?”

“I don’t know”, his voice is low, almost a whisper. 

“Why?” Jungkook just shrugs, “Are you scared?”

Scared? Definitely. And he hates it. He is supposed to be a grown-up, he shouldn’t feel scared to be away from home. But I am. He is scared of being so far away, alone, no one to help him. But what is the difference between being here and being on the other side of the globe? He already left his home once, what does it matter if it goes even further now? Who cares if he isn’t there anymore? No one did in the first place, why would they do now?

Jungkook closes his eyes tightly and harder his grip on the chain of the swings. I won’t cry. This is stupid. I won’t cry. 

“Jungkook?” He can hear the worry on his voice and how the chains of the swing tinkles when he gets up. He feels how his hyung takes the bag out of his legs and then his hands cold against his face. Jungkook opens his eyes at the touch and looks directly at his eyes. 

When he see his eyes, filled with genuine worry, something in his inside break. And then a tear rolls out on his cheeks, and then another one, and another one. And Jungkook knows he won’t be able to stop them now.

“Oh Kookie”, says and simply brings close and hugs him.

Jungkook starts crying loudly, his sobs making him hiccup. But the tension starts leaving his body, his hands fall and his feelings starts running around his brain. Still, his heart feels heavy. There are so many things in there, so many fears and worries that he isn’t aware of, all behind the walls he build himself. So, for once, he break those walls and let out all of that. Maybe when he finish, all of this would make sense.

Minutes later, his sobbing is calmer and his hyung breaks the hug. Still, he doesn’t let him go, he grabs the jacket like his life depend of that. He feels if he gets apart from him, he gonna break down once again. Seokjin takes tissue from somewhere and starts dabbing on his cheeks to dry the tears. Then he put it on his nose to blow it. Despite that it isn’t something he wanted to do, he does as told. But when his hyung makes the motion to go to the trash can, his hold on the jacket tight more.

“I’m just gonna throw this”, explains when he realizes he won’t let go, “I’m right here”. 

Jungkook stares at him for a moment but let him go in the end. His eyes follow him all the way to the trash can, just ten-step away, and back. Then his hyung knees down in front of him and look at him with a tiny smile. 

“How are you feeling?”

Jungkook looks at him and notices how there is a trace of tears on his cheeks. “Why are you crying?” Asks ignoring him and starts dabbing his cheeks softly with the sleeves of his hoodie the same way his hyung did to him.

Seokjin smiles at the gesture. “You were crying and expect me to not cry?” He responds almost joking. “How are you feeling?” Asks again. Jungkook drops his hands at his lap and just shrugs. “Do you wanna talk now?”

He thinks for a moment. He does feels a little better after crying. Not good, just better. His mind feels a little more clear but he still doesn’t know how to start. 

“You know”, starts softly, “when you share your problems with others, they divide so you don’t have to carry everything on your own. So let me help you carry them”, asks holding one of his hands. 

Jungkook looks at him, not sure of what to say but his hyung is waiting for him, looking him with patience eyes.

“I don’t know how to explain it”, opts to answer. 

“Alright”, Seokjin sits on the floor cross-legged. “So, it’s about training, right?” He nods. “You don’t want to go?”

“I don’t know”. 

Seokjin hums. “Why aren’t you sure? You don’t like the place? It gonna be too exhausting? You never told us much about it”. 

That’s true, maybe he should start there. “When PD nim calls me that day, he said that even though I have improved a lot, my dancing still lack emotion. And for that I should go to special training in LA with Son-nim for a month”, his hyung hums telling him he’s listening. “And... and I want to improve! I want to be better so we can debut together... but I can’t”.

“Why you can’t?”

Jungkook wants to tell him, the words on the tip of his tongue. But he feels ashamed of his childish feelings. 

“You can tell me anything and I won’t judge you, okay? This is a judgment-free zone”, says trying to encourage him. 

He stays silent for a moment, trying to gain courage and the correct words to say. 

“I don’t want to be alone”, he finally says and gains an “oh” from his hyung. “I don’t want to feel lonely”, continues feeling how new tears start forming, “But I’m already feel lonely now and I want to be with my family. But I know that if I’m with them I’m gonna miss all of you and I don’t want that either”.

“Oh I’m so sorry”, says drying the tears that falls from his eyes. 

“I hate it. I don’t like feeling like this. I shouldn’t be feeling like that. It’s stupid”. 

Seokjin frowns slightly. “Why you shouldn’t feeling like this?”

“It’s childish”. 

“You are a child”, says as it’s obvious. 

Jungkook frowns almost offended, “I’m sixteen”. 

Seokjin rolls his eyes. “You are a teenager”, corrects himself. “Why wouldn’t you, a teenager, feel homesickness?”

“But it’s really just homesickness? Sometimes I feel like I shouldn’t be here at all and that I’m using the fact that I miss my family as an excuse”, his hyung look at him waiting to elaborate so he does. “I like being a trainee, I like dancing and singing, it’s fun. But everything else... I don’t like it. I’m away from home in a strange city, I don’t have any friend here, I practice until I’m exhausted and hungry. And sometimes I question if it’s really worthy. But then I’m with all of you and I feel a little less lonely and I feel like maybe it is worthy. But now that I finally feel like I have a place here, I’m supposed to go to the other side of the world alone? I don’t want that! I don’t want to feel lost again! But I know I should go because I will learn more and be a better artist but I’m not sure about it and it’s driving me crazy! Tell me what to do hyung, I don’t know what to do”, a sob escapes his lips and more tears rolls out.

“I’m afraid”, starts now holding both of Jungkook’s hands on his own, “that isn’t something I can do”. 

Another sob, a more heartbreaking one, escapes. “Hyung”, says almost begging. 

“I know is hard but I can’t make that decision for you. It’s your life. I’m really sorry”. Jungkook keeps crying, his eyes closed tightly. “Maybe… maybe your parents could help you with that”, mentions after a moment. “Why haven’t call them? You say you miss them, you should call them then”, Jungkook doesn’t answers. “I think you really need to call them right now”.

He shakes his head, “They will know that something is happening”. 

“Well, something is happening and I think they should know. Maybe they can help you to make a decision. Come on, do it, let’s start there. I will be right here with you”.

Jungkook looks at him, seeing how he is waiting for an answer. Maybe he is right, maybe this way he can resolve this. So he nods and pulls out his phone from the pants’ pocket. He searches their number and looks at the screen still nervous for a moment. 

With his heart beating fast, he presses call. Just a couple seconds later, they pick up. “Hello?”

“Mom?”

“Oh my, Jungkook! Baby, how are you? Honey, come here! Jungkook is calling”, his mom calls his dad and he laughs softly because of his parents. 

“Jungkook?”, he hears his dad say from afar, “Jungkookie?” Says again by phone. 

“Hi dad”, salute with a tiny smile in his face, he already feels better by just hearing their voices. 

“How are you baby? Why haven’t you call? We miss you so much”, says his mom. 

“I’m sorry about that”. 

“No no, don’t worry about that now. How have you been? How is Seoul? Did you eat yet?”

“Yeah, I already eat”

“How is school?”, asks his dad. 

“Fine I guess”

They stay in silence for a moment, he doesn't know what or how to say what is in his mind. Speak out was never one of his fortes.

“It’s everything okay?”, says his mom, worry in her voice. 

“No”, answers sincerely. 

“What happened? Where are you?”

“I’m out”. 

“What? Out? At this hour? Alone?”

Jungkook shakes his head even though they can’t see him, “I’m with Seokjin hyung”. 

“Are you both alright?”

“Yeah yeah, it’s just... I haven’t been feeling well recently”

“What happened? Talk to us”. 

He is silent for a moment. “I have been feeling really lonely and I have been missing you a lot. And”, says before they can interrupt him, “that has been interfering with my training. They want me to go special training in LA and I’m not sure if I should go”, both of his parents only hums which makes Jungkook frowns. “Why aren’t you saying anything? Aren’t you surprised?” He thinks for a moment, “Did you knew about it?”

“Well, you can’t precisely leave the country without us knowing”, explains his dad like is obvious. Which, it actually is. 

“So you knew about it?” He says a little bit mad.  

“Of course we knew. They talk with us about it last week”. 

“And what did you say to them?”

“That it was up to you if you wanted to do it or not”, Jungkook groans, “What? What did you expect us to say?”

“Yes or no would have to help me right now”. 

He hears them laugh softly, “When you decided that you wanted to be a trainee and even choosed a company to do it on your own, it was the day that we knew we couldn’t control or make decisions for you. You have always been very determined, why are you hesitating now?”

“I don’t know. Now that I’m saying it out loud it seems really stupid”, confess. 

“Don’t treat your emotions like that”, his mom scolds him softly. “You missing us is very normal, we miss you a lot too and wish you could be here with us but you are working hard for your dream and that’s something that makes us very proud”.

A little smile appears on his lips. “I just don’t know what to do. I feel whatever I do I will disappoint someone”.

“If it helps you somehow, no matter what you do, you would never disappoint us”, says his dad. “We always gonna support your decisions if those make you happy. Our priority has always been that you have a happy life, we wouldn’t have let you go to Seoul on your own otherwise. So, if we are one of the reasons you can’t make a decision, please don’t mind us. We will always be here for you, whatever you stay, or decided to go. You being here in Korea, the US or in the moon will never change the fact that we love you so much and we are proud of you”.

Jungkook closes his eyes and tears starts falling down once again, and soon he was sobbing again. 

“Oh baby, don’t cry, you are breaking my heart. I wish I could hug you right now”, says his mom. 

As if it was a miracle, he feels arms around him. He opens his eyes quickly and sees how Seokjin isn’t in front of him anymore. Instead, he is hugging him from behind putting his head on top of his own. The gesture makes him cry harder. 

“Jungkook...”

“I’m fine”, says with a tight throat, “I just...”

“Need to let it out, I know. Take a moment, we are gonna wait for you”.  

They stay in silence, the phone on his laps still with the call going. Seokjin keep hugging and humming a melody to him. After a couple of minutes, he dries his tears and put the phone up to his ear again. 

“Alright”, his voice is hoarse. 

“How are you feeling sweetheart?”

“I will be fine I think”, says a little more convinced. 

“You say that you were feeling lonely”, mentions his dad after a moment, “Are you having trouble with the rest of the boys?”

“No no”, answers quickly, “they are really good to me, they are taking care of me and probably spoiling me too much”, he can feels Seokjin laughing silently behind him. “But... but they are probably other of the reasons I don’t want to go. I really like being here with them and I don’t want to go away and miss them too”.

Jungkook hears his mom laugh softly and he frowns at that. “Oh baby”, says with a voice full of love, “you have such a wonderful and big heart”, he feels his cheeks blush. “I can’t really speak for them but I’m sure they gonna miss you as much as you gonna miss them if you decide to go. And that isn’t a bad thing. Missing someone just means that they are important to you. Feel proud that you have so much love in you to care for so many people, I know I’m proud to have a son like you”. 

“Mom...”, says feeling a little embarrassed but happy. 

“I mean it, baby. But I think you probably have to talk with them, maybe a little bit reassurance would help you right now”, he just hums. 

“But remember, no matter what you decide, we are proud of you and we support you”, adds his dad. 

His mom agrees, “Whether you go or stay, it will only change when you gonna take a free week to come home. I don’t care what they say, I want you here with us for at least a week, you heard me?”.

Jungkook laughs, “Yeah, I heard you”

“Mom?” A voice from afar is heard on the phone, “Where is... oh? Who are you talking to?”

Jungkook sit straighten hitting Seokjin in the chin, he complains a little but he didn’t say anything. “It’s hyung there?” Asks his parents. 

“It’s your brother”, answers to both of them. 

A second later, there is a new voice through the phone. “Jungkook-ah?”

“Hyung!” Says happily. 

“You! Ungrateful brat!” Shout into the phone, “Why haven’t you called me?”

“Why haven’t you called me?”

“I’m busy”.

“And you think I’m playing around here?” Defends himself. 

“Don’t talk back to your hyung! Just wait until I see you again, I’m gonna kick your ass”, threats him. 

Jungkook laughs loudly at his brother. He knows that his brother will kick him for real, in the most affectionately and brotherly way. It’s going to hurt anyway. 

“Stop screaming Junghyun!” Scolds his dad. 

“He is bothering me!”

“You started!”

“Both stop right now”, scolds their mom but there isn’t any anger in her voice. “You should go back to the dorms right now, Jungkookie”. 

“Why is he out at this hour?” Asks his brother, a hint of worry on his voice. 

“I will. I... I will call you when I know what I’m gonna do”.

“Alright, sweetie. Now go back and rest, okay?” He hums in to respond. “We love you and miss you a lot”. 

“I love you too. All of you”.

They hums pleased. “Say hi to Seokjin and the rest for us, alright? Talk to you soon”. 

“Bye, love you”, and he hangs. 

He drops his hand on his laps and exhales loudly. Suddenly, he feels the cold air and realizes that his hyung stopped hugging him. He really stay with him the whole time. Jungkook follows him with his eyes until he sits on the swing by his side.

“My parents say hi”, says to him. 

Seokjin smile, “I heard that”. 

“You shouldn’t listen to other people’s calls”, scolds him but he only laughs. 

The oldest keep looking at him, waiting patiently as always, for him to speak again. 

“Can we stay here for a little longer?” 

“Sure”, he accepts as simply as that. 

Jungkook turns around and looks at the sky and the moon that still seems look at him. Everything is still silent but for once, he isn’t bothered by it. Talking to his family really did help him, it was really reassuring to know that your family has your back always. Deep inside he knew that but the voice in his head was louder and didn’t let him heard it. 

Still, he isn’t sure of what to do yet. But now he isn’t feeling that scared anymore, just indecisive. Maybe he should speak to the rest, heard their opinions would definitely help him. 

After a couple of minutes, Seokjin speaks again. “What are you thinking?”

“Nothing”, says simply. 

His hyung snorts. “No thoughts?”

“No thoughts”, agrees. “It’s just... I still don’t know what to do but…I’m not that scared anymore”. 

“That’s good”. 

“Hyung”, says after a moment, “what would you do? If the company tells you tomorrow to go to train to another country? Would you go?”

“If they told me tomorrow to go to another country... I think I would go. But I don’t think you should use me to compare yourself. I’m twenty-one, you are sixteen, we are indifferent stage of our life. And, well, we are different person, that should be enough to not compare. But I think you would do it perfectly fine, you are good at everything”.

“Why everyone keeps talking so highly of me?” Says, sadness and angry combined in his voice, “I’m not that great, I’m not the extraordinary kid everyone thinks I am. I’m just a lonely and scared kid, I’m not even as a grown-up I thought I was”, both stay in silence for a moment. “Am I doing the right thing? Should I really still be a trainee? I mean, if I can’t go too simple training now, what about later when we have to do a concert in other countries? Or I have to go alone somewhere for whatever reason? Maybe I shouldn’t be here, I feel like I’m missing so many normal things too, like going out with friends or do what I want without a worry of missing practice or if the manager would get mad at me. Maybe this isn’t the life for me”.

Jungkook looks at his feet for a moment and sees how they start looking blurry again. 

“But... I like being a trainee. I like singing, I like dancing, and I like being with all of you. It’s fun and exciting to think about one day perform in front of thousands of people. But it’s really worth it? Follow this dream seem something I want to do but I know it will end badly. Like when I want to eat spicy ramen in the middle of the night even though I know I’m gonna get sick, you know?” He looks at his hyung for reaffirmation, Seokjin looks at him fighting a smile and nods. “I’m still not sure what I’m supposed to do. With everything. I don’t think PD nim thought I would hesitate to accept this. I didn’t thought I would hesitate this much either, I thought I would be excited. But I think my mind hasn’t been it best these days”, he pauses for a moment recollecting his thoughts. “I think being school has been a little bit difficult recently too. I recently noticed that my life and the life of my friends are really different. Sometimes we talk about what we did on the weekend and they talk about how they went to the sea with their family or went to watch the last movie and then I tell them that I learned how to b-boy. And they think I’m so lucky that I get to learn that but I think they are luckier than me”, he pauses for a moment. “It makes me feel a little distance from them. And I don’t like it, I want to have friends, I want someone to talk freely but it’s getting more difficult now. I don’t know, it’s not like I really have a problem, I guess life just has been more difficult lately”, finish. 

Jungkook finally letting all out and he definitely feels good. A little more exposed but more light. 

“I’m not sure what I can tell you to help you”, says Seokjin after a moment, “besides saying that I think deep down in your heart you already know what you want to do”. Jungkook frowns at him, confused so he elaborates. “You didn’t say that having friends or be with your family was your dream. You called this your dream, that singing and performing is your dream. I think that pretty much tell where your mind and heart are. So now you have to work for that dream”.

“But why I have so many doubts about it?”

“Because you are scared. Which is normal and expected, don’t feel bad about it. The life of an artist is really unpredictable, you can be the bigger star of the world one day and be nothing the next day. There is a lot of things that could go wrong, so many things you could lose, but also so many things you can win. I can’t guarantee you that being here is the right decision or not. But if we are being honest, there isn’t guaranteed in anything in this life. You can stay here and be sad or happy about that decision or you can go home and be sad or happy there. There is no way to know what will happen. Life is just a bunch of decisions and how we deal with the consequences of it”. Seokjin looks at him in the eyes, “I can’t tell you what to do or not, that’s your decision at the end of the day. But I can help you to not feel so scared, show you that those big monsters that terrify you now aren’t actually that big”.

“How?” Asks in a whisper. 

“Let me tell you a story. Well, more than a story, let me remind you something that you did and mention early. Two or three weeks ago, it was past midnight and you wanted to eat spicy ramen. And like you said, you knew you would get sick if you eat it, but what you did?”

“I ate it anyway”, answers remembering that night. 

“Exactly, you knew the consequences but you did it anyway because it was something you really wanted to do and it makes you happy. And sure, the next day you were sick of your stomach and it was a pain but look at you, I don’t think you remember the pain you felt at the moment now, or am I wrong?” He shakes his head. “Life is like that. You can do something that causes you a lot of pain and hurt you really badly and maybe you will regret it later, but someday you will look back at seeing that wasn’t the end of the world, that you survived and move on with your life. You’re still really young, you can’t expect to make the correct decisions every time. But the fact that you’re young is a big advantage because you can make mistakes and still have the rest of your life to fix them. Allow yourself to make mistakes, that’s the only way to really grow up. So don’t get stuck on the “What if” and just do it”.

Jungkook looks at his hyung, digesting his words and pieces of advice. The words that didn't know existed but that his heart wanted to hear so badly. He feels like crying, but for different reasons.

“Since when did you become so wise?” Says joking but he could hear how his voice trembles.

“How you manage to be a brat even now?” Says dumbfounded, Jungkook laughs but a tear escapes. Seokjin expression changes for a soft one and extended one of his hands to him. Jungkook didn’t hesitate to hold it.

More tears escapes and he does his best to clean his face with his sleeve. “I feel like I have cried so much today”. 

“It’s alright, you are a cry baby anyway”. 

“I’m not”, says pouting. 

“You were sobbing last week when we watched Titanic”.

“You can’t not cry with that movie”, defends himself. “And you were crying too!"

“We are not talking about me here”, he excuses himself.

They stay in silence for a couple of minutes, still holding hands. 

“Hyung”, says and receives a hum in response, “do you want me to stay? In the group I mean.” 

“Yes”, answers honestly, without hesitation. “I like having you around, you are like the annoying little brother I never have”, Jungkook snorts at that. “But what I want you more to do is to be happy. If you are here, in LA or back in Busan, it will only change the hours I can call you or how long I have to travel to goes to see you. You will always be my cute and annoying little brother”. 

Jungkook smiles at him. “Thanks you”, says and receive a smile. “I think... I think I know what I have to do but I want to talk about with the rest”.  

“Then we should go back to the dorm”, Jungkook nods and stands up. 

They leave the park and walk to their dorm without any hurry. The moon keeps shining brightly over them, a witness of this night. It’s like it is protecting him and bring him light in the darkest moment. 

It reminds him of Seokjin. He really took care of him as he promised and even did more. He is like his personal moon. 

“Hyung”, speaks and Seokjin tilts his head to look at him, “thank you, for everything today”.

He smiles. “Anytime. I had fun with you today, and my family loves you if you didn’t notice”, Jungkook laughs at that. “But also, I apologize if bringing you there make you uncomfortable, with everything that was going in your head maybe there was something...”

Jungkook shakes his head interrupting, “No, you didn’t. Seeing your parent and brother make me realize that I missed mine more that I thought I did. Probably if you wouldn’t have taken me there I would be still denying my feeling. So don’t apologize, I’m really grateful for you”, he could see how his hyung is blushing. “And I took a much needed nap and your mom’s food was really good, I honestly don’t care about anything else”, jokes making him laugh. 

“Yeah, my mom’s food is great, it’s probably the best part of going home but don’t tell her that”. He pauses for a moment, “You know why I’m always cooking in the dorms?” Jungkook denies with his head, “You know, she taught me how to cook since I was little, I spent a lot of hours in the kitchen with her so every time I cook I remember those times and feel like I’m not that away from home. And”, adds, “I like to believe that when all of you eat homemade food it makes you feel a little closer to your home too”.

Jungkook stops walking and Seokjin stops a couple of steps ahead too. He looks at his hyung in silence for a moment and the oldest just tilts his head confused. 

“You are amazing hyung”, says without much thought but with a lot of sincerity in his voice. 

“What are you saying?” He laughs embarrassed and Jungkook can see how his ears are turning red even in the dark. “Come on, let’s go, it’s late”, he goes by his side and the oldest put san arm on his shoulders and continues walking. “Since you are my new assistant, I will teach you some recipes that you can do, okay?” He just simply nods and smile. 

The rest of the way back to their dorms is on silence but the atmosphere doesn’t feel heavy at all. Jungkook feels the more light that he has feel in days. He just wants to get there and talk with the rest. 

“Do you think the rest are awake?” Asks when they are entering the building. 

“I don’t think so”, answers climbing the stairs, “tomorrow is the class day, they shouldn’t be staying awake for long anyway. I know you want to talk to them but maybe wait until the morning”, says and Jungkook just nods. 

They get to their floor in no time and Seokjin opens the door the more silent possible to not bother the rest. But the first thing they hear is a scream of Namjoon and a loud laugh of Hoseok. The oldest stays still and Jungkook can see how he closes his eyes and sighs tiredly. He holds his own laugh. A couple of seconds later, they enter and walk straight to the living room. 

As they enter, they see is the five boys on the floor. Jimin is laying on his stomach, Hoseok is laughing rolling on the floor, Namjoon sitting legs crossed almost sulking and Yoongi sitting with Taehyung hanging on his back. All of them surrounding a bell and a bunch of cards. 

“What are you doing?” Seokjin asks to the room leaving the bag on the floor. Jungkook does the same. 

Jimin turns his head fast at them but the bell rings so he turns around again to see Yoongi throwing his hands to the airs celebrating and making Taehyung fall from his back to the floor. “Wait no! I got distracted!” says Jimin whining to Yoongi, “That’s not fair hyung”. 

“Life isn’t fair Jimin-ah”, says to him with a side smile. Hoseok laughs more at that. 

“Hyung!” Whines now at Seokjin, “You distracted me! I was about to win!”

“How I was supposed to know that?” Defends himself almost pouting. “And why are you playing Halli Galli? At this hour? Without me? Move, I’m gonna teach all of you how this is played”, says sitting on the floor with the rest when they made a space for him. 

Quietly Jungkook sits by his side. 

“Yoongi hyung has been bragging that he could beat Jimin on Halli Galli”, explains Taehyung laying on the floor. 

“I said it and I did it”, clarifies Yoongi mixing the cards. “Who else gonna play?” Asks and look around and see how everyone is nodding, then he stops on him, “Jungkook?”His expression change in a second. “Jungkook?” His tone is worry and he is frowning now. 

Everyone in the room stays silent and turns to look at him. Jungkook doesn’t understand. That well his hyung can read him?

“Jungkookie...”, starts Hoseok sitting, “your eyes...” 

Oh, right. His eyes. He doesn’t want to look in the mirror and see how red and puffy they are. 

“Why were you crying?” Asks Taehyung with puppy eyes. 

“What happened?” Asks Namjoon, to him and Seokjin. 

He shares a look with his oldest hyung before Seokjin pat his back and he moves a little closer to the rest to speak. 

“Did something bad happened?” Asks Jimin frowning sadly.  

Jungkook shakes his head. “No, nothing. But I want to talk with all of you”, says and everyone accommodates themselves to look at him and wait. “Do you think I should go to the dance training?”

Everyone starts frowning. “What? What does this have to do with you crying?” Asks Yoongi. 

“It has everything to do”, says and everyone frowns some more. “Just... answer the question”.  

Everyone looks around at each other, not one really understanding. But Namjoon decides to speak anyway. 

“I think you should go”, says a little bit insecure. 

“Why?”

Namjoon looks at Hoseok for support so his friend speaks, “Because you will learn new dance techniques and you will become a better artist”, says not sure if that’s the correct answer. 

“Everyone thinks the same?” There is a doubt for a moment but everyone nods so Jungkook hums and nods. “Alright”, simply says. 

“I don’t understand”, says Jimin confused, “What is this about? Why were you crying?”

He accommodates better at his place knowing that he will end talking a lot. Hiding things didn’t help him before and certainly won’t help him now so it’s better to speak. 

“First, I want to apologize for what happened yesterday in dance practice”, the rest want to speak but he rises his hand in front of him stopping them. “Let me finish first. I’m sorry that I ruined practice and I will do my best for that not to happen again. But, I do want to explain why that happened”.  

His hyungs looks at him in silence, waiting for him to continue. Their complete attention is on him and in any other occasion that would have made him nervous but now, it make him feel reassured and relaxed.

“These days I haven’t felt the best. I have been more tired, more confused, more lonely, and overall it has been more difficult. I thought it was only the stress, that if I rested well everything would be back to normal. I mean, it’s not unusual for us to feel stressed”, he pauses for a moment. “But then PD-nim told me about the proposal and I think my already tired mind didn’t take it well and... yeah. I have been thinking a lot about a lot of stuff lately, if should take that special training, if I should stay as a trainee... The more I thought about it, I only got more confused. I talked with Seokjin hyung and my family about it and my mind feels a little more clear now but I still wanted to know what all of you think I should do”.

“Jungkookie... we didn’t know you were feeling like this, I’m so sorry”, says Hoseok with an apologetic expression. 

“It’s alright, it was me who didn’t want to tell anyone about it”. 

“Did something happened that makes me feel more stressed? We could do something so that doesn’t happen again”, offers Namjoon making him smile a little. 

“Nothing happened, it’s more what hasn’t happened. I haven’t seen my family in months and haven’t talked to them much either. And since we have been busier with practice that I haven’t been able to hang out with my friends, more than before. And the end of the semester is coming soon too. So it’s not like something bad happened, it’s just too many things at once”.

“And it was too much”, completes Hoseok. 

Jungkooo nods, “Yeah but isn’t the first time that I was stressed, I thought that since summer is coming I would be able to rest, see my family and friends and everything would be okay. But then I was told that I’m supposed to go to LA for a month? I think I just collapsed and everything feels so big and terrifying and bad. It was really awful”, confess. 

“I’m sorry Jungkookie”, says Jimin caressing his back. 

“It’s okay, now I feel better. Although if I haven’t talked with hyung tonight I would probably still be feeling really lost. But it’s fine now, really”.

“It seems like you already made up your mind,” mentions Yoongi looking into his eyes, “so what you needed our opinions?”

Jungkook moves on his place, feeling a little bit awkward and embarrassed. “One of the reasons why I didn’t want to go was because I didn’t want you to left me out”.

“What? Why would we leave you out?” Asks Taehyung clearly confused. 

He shrugs, “When I came here I lost contact with all my friends from Busan and then I start losing contact with my family so I thought that would happen if went to LA, even if only for a month. But then I felt childish for thinking like that, I’m supposed to go to be a better artist so I can help with the group. I was being selfish but I didn’t want to change my mind either. Everything just escalated from there and even thought if I should really be here. Now that I’m saying that out loud it feels really dumb but it didn’t feel dumb then”.

“Feeling like that isn’t dumb”, says Yoongi, “It’s normal to feel doubt sometimes, it helps you to meditate and realize what is important to you”. 

Jungkook nods, “I did think a lot about it and I think it did help me. But still made me feel bad”. 

“Jungkook”, calls Taehyung, he turns and see him with a sad expression, “do you want to leave?” Asks softly, without any accusation in his voice.

Jungkook looks at him for a moment and shakes his head, “No, I want to stay here. That was just me wanting to run away from my problems. I really like being here and despite the things that make me sad, there are a lot of things that make me happy too and I think I really should be here and fight for my dream. Our dream”. Taehyung still looks at him with a sad expression but just nods.

“But do you want to go to special training?” Asks Yoongi serious. 

“Yeah, I think is something I should do”. 

“I didn’t ask what you should do. I ask you what do you want to do. Do you want to go?”

Jungkook looks at his hyung in the eyes, feeling how he is trying to enter his mind. He feels hesitations in his own answer. He was so sure a moment ago and now is like his convictions just crumbles. 

“I don’t know”, answers after a moment. 

“What makes you doubt?”

“I’m not sure. I know that going would help me a lot and I honestly think I will have fun there. But I’m still scared, I don’t think that will disappear that easily”.

“That’s normal, don’t feel bad about it”, tell him Namjoon with a smile. “But... I do feel bad now”, says and receives the confused look from everyone. “Despite that we usually spoiled you a lot, we still treat you like an adult and expect that you act like one but you are still young and there is a lot of things that are scary at your age. You feeling scared of being away from home is perfectly normal but this kind of life make you feel like you shouldn’t feel like that. I’m really sorry about that”.

“It’s true”, says Yoongi before he could say anything, “I think we see you too much as this prodigious and talented kid that’s good at everything but you came here when you were just 13 years old. You are growing up and living your teenage years here, away from your family, and in an environment that isn’t normal. Kids at your age aren’t questioning themselves if they should leave the country to train or not. You shouldn’t feel bad that you want to go out with friends or for feeling homesick”.

“I feel homesick a lot”, confess Taehyung, “I miss my grandparents and my parents a lot, I wish they could be here so I could talk with them every day how I use to”. 

“Me too”, says Seokjin speaking for the first time in a while, “that’s why I’m always calling my mom or going with my parents almost every weekend. It was hard for me to start living in the dorms but I thought it was necessary. But you Jungkookie, you left your hometown with only a “maybe one day I will debut”. I really admire your bravery and talent and I suppose I was blinded and didn’t notice that you were and are still very young. Things that may seem normal for us to understand at our age, aren’t the same at yours. We should help you better with those”.

“It isn’t your fault hyungs”, says feeling a little bad. 

“It’s still our job to guide you now”, corrects Hoseok. “Whether is good or not, now we are the ones in charge of teaching you how life is. We may be just a couple years older but believe me, those years make a big difference. Although there are probably things where we are lacking I assure you that the six of us are ready to help you”, finish with a smile. 

“But for us to do that, you need to talk with us”, says Jimin by his side. “I know is difficult for you but... know that we are ready to hear you and give you advice or anything you need. We just want you to be happy”.

“And for that I, we don’t want you to do something you don’t want to do. I don’t know why they want you to take this training but I’m sure you would be able to learn that here if you want to”, says the second oldest. 

“But maybe it would take me longer to do and that would mean we will debut later. Or if I don’t they may take me out of the group”, explains. 

“Then they would be the biggest idiots in the world”, states Yoongi shrugging. 

“I think I speak for everyone here”, starts Namjoon, “that without you there isn’t Bangtan”. Jungkook’s heart skips a beat. “Our group has seen a lot of people going in and out but I feel like the seven of us... it’s the final thing, you know? If someone wants to take you or anyone out I will probably just quit. So don’t worry, your place here is safe. Just do the best for you”.

Jungkook stares at him for a moment and then at the rest who are nodding, agreeing to what he said. His eyes start prickly and knows that he will start crying soon. But he doesn’t care at all. His hearts feel so full and he can swear there are butterflies there, together with confidence and support that starts filling him. They want him with them, they will wait for him, they want the best for him. Is this what unconditional support feels like? Jungkook suddenly feels like he can do everything in the world if his hyungs are with him.

Closing his eyes tightly, Jungkook starts nodding. He feels the tears rolling down his face and how his throat tight but he speaks despite that, “I want to do it. I wanna go. I want to be better to make you proud”, declares between sobbing.  

“Oh Jungkookie”, says Jimin and he can feels his arms hugging him. 

“You already makes us proud”, completes Seokjin hugging him too. 

Soon he feels more arms and bodies around him. It feels a little bit suffocating have six persons surrounding him but it was the best feeling right now. Knowing that there are six persons by your side that only want the best for you and aren’t afraid to show it is the best thing that could ever happened to him. Jungkook still doesn’t know how he was so lucky to found them but he isn’t going to question it now. 

“Jungkook-ah, don’t cry”, says Hoseok with trembling voice, “you gonna make me cry more”.

“Hyung, are you crying?” Says Jimin to someone. 

“I’m not”, says the someone. 

Jungkook opens his eyes and between the limbs mess, he sees how Yoongi is drying his tears. He smiles at that but not for long because suddenly his face is in between two hands. Taehyung is in front of him looking directly into his eyes, those round eyes filled with tears that seem to be talking to him.

“When you come back”, starts serious, “I’m gonna buy you ice cream after practice until the end of the summer, okay?”

Jungkook knows that isn’t just about ice cream. There are hiding words behind it, a promise. Of spend time together. Of waiting for him. Of a friendship that will last forever. 

“Okay”, responds with a smile that mirrors by his hyung.

“With what money are planning to do that?” Asks Yoongi frowning. 

Taehyung shrugs, “I got my funds”.

“Oh, rich boy”, teases Hoseok breaking the hug. Everyone starts separating from him but stay close by. Jimin keeps his arm around his shoulders. 

“I’m not rich. Jin hyung is”. 

“Since when I’m rich?” Asks dumbfounded. 

“You always bring us food”, explains and put his hands in front of him begging, “please feed me”.  

“It’s almost 2 am, you are not gonna eat now. All of you should be sleep already, I don’t know why are you awake”.

“We were waiting for you, the hyungs haven’t fed us”, accuses and the three older complains. “I want Jin hyung’s mom's food. Since you don’t want to take me to your home I have to wait here until you come back”.

“I feel so used right now”.

“Hyung”, he whines pulling his arm, “take me there”, says pouting, “they gonna love me, I know”. 

“You just want to go eat all the food”, accuses. 

“And she gonna love me for that! I’m every mom’s dream!”, answers.

Jimin speaks distracting him from his hyungs discussion. “You met hyung’s family?”

“Yeah, I met his parents, Seokjoong hyung and Jjanggu, they are great”, answers. 

Jimin starts frowning and drops his arm off his shoulders, “Seokjoong hyung?”

“Yeah?” Says without understanding his expression, “Hyung’s older brother”, elaborates. 

“You just meet him and already call him hyung? Why it took you almost three weeks to do with me?” Accuses clearly mad. 

Jungkook blinks a couple of times at him before start laughing loudly. 

“Why are you laughing? This isn’t fun Jungkookie!” He continues laughing loudly so Jimin hits his arm falling on his side, still laughing. “I was suffering! You are cruel Jungkook!”

He just continues laughing which just causes Jimin to start tickling him. He is a giggling mess for the second time on the same day. At some point, his hyung start laughing too. And he could hear the rest laughing too, although he isn’t sure why. Everything feels light and happy and relaxed for the first time in a while. 

When Jungkook calms down minutes later, the rest decides that they are going to eat the food they brought despite the hour. But he doesn’t move and just let the others to prepare the table. The floor is really comfortable, he hasn’t realized before. So he just closes his eyes and relaxes more and more. His thoughts start drifting away. 

“He tired out himself”, Seokjin says but he hears him like he is far away. 

“Our Jungkookie... going... time, uh?”, words are confusing but he still feel someone caressing his hair. Hoseok hyung. I like that. “But he did really well”. 

“Yeah...he’s...great...”, that’s Namjoon hyung. Why is he praising me?

“Should...wake him up to...?” Wake up?

“No... rest”. Yeah, let’s rest.

“Good night Jungkookie”. 

Good night hyungs. 

—-

Jungkook thinks he can get used to this weather. The high temperatures, the dry air, the soft breeze if he goes close to the sea. It’s nice, despite feeling like he is getting tanned and tanned at every second. LA is nice. 

And yet, he finds himself missing the humid air and the summer rain of Seoul. He never thought he would miss something that annoyed him so much. But isn’t like it really mattered, he isn’t staying for too long anyway. 

The first days were difficult, mostly for the jet lag. But he got used to it pretty quickly and everything went well after that. He doesn’t have time to think too much about anything else besides dancing. The teacher is really nice and is teaching him to move his body in a way that he didn’t know he could. He is counting the days until he will able to show the rest what he has learned in person. 

Almost three weeks later, his days are pretty much the same routine. Wake up, breakfast, and call with his parents, dance, lunch, dance, dinner with a video call with his hyungs, and sleep. Some days he would go out with his choreographer as tourists and walk around the city. It’s really fun. He is glad to have come. 

After his dance practice and a shower, he just prepare some ramen and runs to his room to turn on his computer. Minutes after, with him sitting on the desk, Jungkook waits for them to answer the video call.

Just seconds later, the screen change and he can see six persons trying to fit in.

“Jungkookie!” Screams Hoseok making the rest to cover their ears. 

“Hyung!” Whines, “I miss you”. 

“I miss you too, come back”, and he just starts pouting. “It’s not the same playing with these two without you”, says putting his hands in the for now youngest members. 

“We shouldn’t have let you go! We were fools!” Screams Taehyung. 

“Fools!” Screams Hoseok too. 

“Stop the dramatic please”, asks Namjoon to the two of them. 

“You miss him too, what are saying?” Accuses Hoseok pointing a finger at him. 

“No one said I don’t”, defends himself.

“How was practice today?” Asks Seokjin ignoring the discussion at the back. 

Jungkook smile. “It was fun, I learn a new choreography today”  

“Oh? Really? Show it, show it”, asks Hoseok going back in front of the screen. 

Jungkook is about to stand up but Seokjin scream a “No” makes him stay on his sit. “Just sit there and eat your food, you can show them later”. Hoseok and the two youngest booes at him but he just rolled his eyes. 

“Jungkook-ah”, says Yoongi from one of the corners of the screen, he just hums while stuffing his mouth with noodles, “Did you search what I asked for?”

He shakes his head and swallows, “Not yet, I haven’t been able to go the stores yet”.

Yoongi deadpans at him. “I give you one job...”

“I have been busy”, excuses himself frowning. 

“Then un-busy yourself”

“Yoongi! Leave the kid alone”, Seokjin scold him he just starts sulking, “What with all of you?”

Everyone starts talking at the same time between them, discussing something Jungkook can’t hear clearly. He just stares at the screen smiling the whole time. He can’t wait to come back and watch their bickering in person again. 

“Hyung”, says after a moment and everyone stops to look at the camera. 

“Be more specific”, asks Yoongi, “You have six hyungs here”. 

Jungkook smiles at that, happy at first but then it changes to a teasing one. “There are only five hyungs there”. 

“Jungkook, I swear...” starts Jimin. 

“What? You swear what Jimin-ssi?” Keep teasing. 

“Hyung! Jimin hyung! Call me hyung you brat”, asks clearly mad but he can only laugh loudly at that. “I swear the first thing I’m gonna do when you come back is kick your ass”, Jungkook laughs harder at that. 

“It’s okay Jiminie”, Taehyung tries to console his friend patting his back. 

“He gonna give me a headache”, laments hiding his face on the shoulder of his friend. 

Jungkook giggles but change his attention to other person. “Jin hyung”, he calls, “my mom told me that your mom talked to her”. 

“Oh, really?”

“Yeah, she said that your mom ask her about what she has to do to adopt me”. 

Seokjin looks straight to the screen, without any emotion until he stands up seconds later and says, “That’s it, I’m done. Goodbye”, and walks out away from the camera. 

“Hyung!” Calls him half laughing, “Don’t leave! It isn’t my fault!”

“It is!” He hears the scream somewhere in the room.

“Why every mom want to adopt him?” Asks Namjoon to anyone in specific. 

“It’s the big eyes, I’m telling you”, answers Hoseok. 

“I have big eyes too and no one has offered to adopt me”, says Taehyung.

“Your eyes aren’t enough to ignore everything else”, teases Jimin. 

“What does that even mean?” Asks mad but with a pout in his face. 

And there they go again. He just keeps looking at them while eating in silence.  

It’s odd. He talks to them every day, some days with only a couple of them, other days with all of them. And yet, he still misses them so much. He misses waking up with them in the same room, eats together, dancing together, singing together. Being together. They really became his second family and home.

Jungkook still doesn’t like feeling homesick but if that means he found important people in his life, he will gladly feel homesickness until the day he can say “I’m home” again.