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Another day, another free afternoon, and Minako found herself lingering at Yukari's desk, leaning on it as she frowned down at the notebook Yukari had just finished writing in.
"Bored?" Yukari asked, not sounding particularly sympathetic. "You should go bother Sanada-senpai, seriously, I've been hearing all about you two."
"He's not my boyfriend!" Minako exclaimed. "Seriously, I don't know where everyone gets that."
"Uh, probably because he's basically the most popular senior in school?" Yukari shook her head, looking amused. "I mean, I know we live in the same dorm and all, but I still don't get how you two became friends."
Truth be told, when Minako tried to think of it, it was all a slightly fuzzy blur. She frowned, sitting sideways on Yukari's desk, swinging her legs in the air. "I think," she said after a moment, "I reminded him of his sister." But was that it? There was something niggling at the back of her mind, like there was something important she'd forgotten -
"Well, that explains why you're not dating," Yukari said, sliding the last of her books into her bag with a sigh, then stood up and stretched. "You got into Mitsuru-senpai's good graces too, huh?" she asked, looking wistful.
"Aw, Yukari-chan," Minako sing-songed teasingly, but added, "I can introduce you, you know. I don't really know why..." why I'm friends with her and you're not, she thought about saying, but it got caught in her throat.
"Hey," Yukari protested, but she was smiling. "I don't know... it's almost the end of the year, you know? And after Kirijo-san died so suddenly..."
"Yeah," Minako agreed, twisting her nose, feeling that tug on her memory once again. "Hey," she said, thoughtful, "do you feel like there's something missing? Like, there's something we need to remember..."
Yukari frowned, looking contemplative. "I don't know," she said, "I think if I've forgotten something, it can't have been that important, anyway." Shaking her head, she smiled at Minako, tongue-in-cheek. "I think you just need to find more friends, stop hanging around all our senpai stressing about entrance exams. Too much, and you'll come down with Apathy Syndrome," she joked, and Minako felt a twinge of disquiet she covered with a twitch of a smile.
"We shouldn't..."
"Joke about that, I know," Yukari sighed. "But with everyone coming down with it... it feels like that cult thing all over again, you know?"
"That death cult," Minako said, and she shivered and wrapped her arms around herself to ward off the sudden chill she felt creep down her spine.
"Yeah..." Yukari said, her expression awkward and regretful. "Hey," she said, looking around in an obvious attempt at a subject change, and nodded at a table a few seats in front of them. "What about befriending her?"
Minako followed her gaze to the girl sitting straight-backed at her desk, only a few seats away. From the ribbons in her hair and the odd circular things she kept over her ears, Minako recognised her immediately. "Doesn't she live in our dorm?" she asked, frowning.
"Yeah," Yukari said absentmindedly, pushing in her chair. "That's kind of weird, though, isn't it? I mean," she said, mouth wrinkled in a frown, "you made friends with everyone in our dorm except for her, didn't you? Even Sanada-senpai's delinquent friend..."
"Well," Minako said, "That's not right." Mouth firmed in a stubborn line, she rose to her feet, sights fixed. "Hey, I'll see you later, yeah?"
"Go on, then," Yukari said with a smile, waving her off as she shouldered her bag. Minako spared her a look and a cheeky grin before she stalked off to confront the one person she had apparently missed.
What was strange, though, was that Minako had no idea why she'd never had the opportunity to befriend the girl. Their dorm wasn't exactly large, and despite the odd, foggy feeling when she tried to remember, Minako must have talked to her before. Coming around from the side, Minako stopped in front of the girl, searching her memory - ah, that was it. "Hey," she said with an approachable smile, "Aigis, right?"
She was absurdly pretty, Minako realised, as the girl blinked bright blue eyes at her which just as quickly froze over on seeing her. She nodded, once. "Yes," she said flatly.
"Oh, that's good," Minako said. "I'm Minako - "
"Arisato," said Aigis, at the same time Minako did, and she stopped. "I am aware."
Aigis turned her head away, and Minako said, "Um," and faltered. She wasn't used to such a hostile response, but she forged on. "That's great!" she exclaimed, her enthusiasm a little fixed. "I was wondering if you'd like some company on your way back to the dorms. We could hang out for a bit," she continued, "go to the sweet shop, or the shrine, or feed some stray cats..."
"Feed - " Aigis started, looking back at her, but stopped herself. "My apologies," she said stiffly, "I have other commitments."
"Hm," Minako said, feeling dubious. "Are you sure you're not just mad at me for something? Whatever it was," she said, peering down at the other girl earnestly, "I'm sorry."
Aigis met her gaze, piercing blue that seemed to judge her down to her soul, and Minako was left feeling like she was weighed and found wanting. "It was nothing," Aigis said, softer. "But I can't. I'm sorry." She stood up, pushing in her chair with a single motion as she picked up her things and walked out the door.
"Wait - " Minako tried, reaching out after her, but it was too late. What had that been about, anyway? She frowned and sighed out a breath, sitting on the edge of Aigis' desk as she tried to remember if she had done anything wrong. Now that she thought of it, she had invited Aigis out to the movies before - maybe she should have pressed for a friendship then? But for some reason, she hadn't; for some reason, Aigis couldn't stand her for something she'd completely forgotten. There was this lingering feeling of guilt and despair that lurked around the edges of her fuzzy memory, but why?
Well, whatever it was, Minako wouldn't be deterred so easily. Aigis seemed interested in helping stray cats, at least, so she had something to work from; this would, she thought, be a challenge, but like befriending Shinjiro-senpai, all good things came to those who persevered.
So Minako pulled a fortune slip for their hopeful friendship at the shrine and later that night, back at the dorms, knocked on Aigis' door.
Aigis looked surprised to see her there, as though Minako would have given up already. Aigis stood with the door held barely ajar, and Minako couldn't see much past her as she said, "Arisato-san?"
"Aigis-san," Minako replied, smiling. "I was just wondering if you'd like to walk Koro-chan with me - there's a stray cat on the way Koro-chan's always nagging me to feed," she added, hopeful.
"I," said Aigis, and looked conflicted. "Arisato-san, please," she implored, "don't attempt to become my friend."
"But," said Minako, "why? I want to," she said, intent, "I want to get to know you better, to have fun with you, to feed stray cats with you and - Aigis-san, you seem like a lovely person, and whatever I did that's made you so upset, please," she took a breath, and said as solemnly as she could, "please tell me, and I'll try to fix it."
Aigis' eyes had closed, sometime in that, and when Minako had finished she shook her head. "It can't be fixed."
"Never say never," Minako said firmly. "C'mon," she entreated, "just come for a walk, no pressure. If you really can't stand me, I'll leave you alone after that, I promise."
In a motion so quick Minako couldn't even catch a glimpse inside, Aigis stepped out of her room and shut the door. "I accept your terms," she said, her mouth pulled into a mulish frown. "But Arisato-san - you will not change my mind."
"We'll see," said Minako, toning down her triumphant grin to a pleased smile.
After collecting Koromaru and heading out, Aigis fell into step with Minako like they'd done this a dozen times. And now that she thought about it, Minako was sure they had; moments of sitting around the shrine chatting to Aigis crystallising in her mind.
The feeling that something was very wrong with the world was taking root, and Minako knew with a startling clarity that Aigis was the only one who knew why. Koromaru tugged at his leash, and when Minako unclipped it he led them toward the little ragdoll kitten he'd taken to like a mother hen. Minako reached into her bag and pulled out a tin of cat food, holding it out like an apology. "Here," she said, keeping her voice soft, "do you want to...?"
Aigis took the tin, cracking it open soundlessly as she scooped out the contents. The kitten, tiny and ragged, took a few hesitant licks before it started eating with vigour, and Aigis looked back up. "Thank you," she said.
And right there, with Aigis' gaze soft and accepting, Minako knew she'd have to push if she wanted any answers at all. "So this thing," she started, "that you're mad about, is it the reason why my memories are all fuzzy?"
"You forced this on them! Your selfishness - " Aigis' raised voice stopped as the stray kitten bumped it's head against her hand, meowing quietly. Aigis looked down at it, a complicated expression crossing her face, and sighed. "You made your decision," she said, and the word sounded like a curse.
"You mean," Minako said hesitantly, "I chose to lose my memories? I chose for all of us," she said, and bit her lip as she looked down at her hands, the strange callouses on her palms she couldn't explain. Junpei had them too, like he'd taken up baseball with extraordinary vigour, and even Yukari seemed surprised at how much she'd improved at archery, like she'd been practising for hours at a time. "What were we fighting?" she asked, "what was so great and terrible that we couldn't win?" But even then, Minako couldn't see herself giving up; there had to be more to it, something that made her heart ache as she pushed for recollection. "Who - who did I do this for?" she said, and swallowed back the sob building in her throat.
Aigis looked at her, her face still. "Did you love him?"
Minako shook her head, almost automatic. "Of course, but it wasn't that," she said, the response something unconscious. She shook her head and raised a hand to her temples as they ached, sharp and painful. "I... I don't know, why I made the choice I did," she said, "but I'll assume responsibility for my choices, for the decisions which led us all here - " and there was something stirring in her mind, something awakening as she continued, "- and I'll make sure I won't fail you again. Aigis-san, I swear to you, I'll fix it, all of it, so we can defeat Nyx - "
And with that realisation, the voicing of their greatest enemy, everything came flooding back in a rush. Her personas settled in her mind and Minako swallowed the heavy lump in her throat at the realisation Ryoji had forced upon her, the quiet plead in his voice as he asked her to kill him one last time, the panicked, selfish decision she had made because - with a quiet, oppressive finality, she said, "Or die trying.
"I'm sorry," she repeated, with the weight of what her hasty decision had wrought on her friend. "Aigis, I'm so sorry," and bit back further apologies as Aigis looked at her, that bright piercing stare. "I," she said, her memories of the quick self-justifications she had made filtering slowly through, "I didn't want anyone to suffer. And I thought," she continued, slowly, "that I'd end up remembering, before the end." Because who could forget such a destiny? Minako could feel her hands shaking and clenched them tight into fists. "It gives us time. A month, at least."
Aigis' gaze dropped to the ground. "Minako-san," she said, and her voice faltered. "I - were you planning on facing Nyx yourself?"
Minako bit her lip, looking away. That - that was what Ryoji had confessed, quiet and uncertain, sitting on her bed - that actions had consequences, that the contract he had given her as Pharos encompassed her death. Nyx can't be defeated, he had said, but - she can be sealed; and then, Minako knew the weight of the world rested on her unready shoulders. She didn't want to die, she didn't want to suffer, she'd given enough already - but now, it seemed, her future was set in stone.
"I will fight with you," Aigis said, her voice stronger, "if you will let me."
A month, Minako knew, was no time at all, but she forced a smile on her face regardless. "Thanks," she said, and reached out, tugging Aigis' hand in her own. "It won't be so bad, with you."
Looking up through her hair, Aigis gave her a tremulous smile. "Minako-san," she said, "I... am also sorry, for how I treated you."
"Nah," Minako dismissed. "I needed to hear it - you helped me remember, too."
Koromaru came running back to them, and barked curiously. "It's okay, Koromaru-san," Aigis told him, and Minako couldn't keep the slightly wry smile from her face as they walked back to the dorm, hands swinging between them as Koromaru trotted along.
They arrived back at the dorm quite late; a half-hour to the Dark Hour, Minako noticed, and no one was in the lounge. Aigis followed along obediently as Minako dragged her into her room, closing the door. "Aigis-san," she started, and sighed, sitting down on her bed and patting the place beside her.
Aigis sat down gingerly. "Minako-san?"
"I was thinking," Minako said, wrinkling her nose, "that we should probably get back into it - training, I mean." Minako could flip through personas at a moment's notice, but she'd be rusty with a naginata after nearly a month without training. They needed to get to the top before the end. "Do you want to set up a schedule for Dark Hour training?"
"We don't have a sensor persona-user," Aigis informed her, and Minako shook her head.
"No, I know," she said, biting her lip as she frowned. "But... I'm not sure if you've seen everyone, but they're all so happy; in December," she said quietly, pulling on useless justifications like a cloak, "everyone was so stressed out, so tired... I don't want to bring Fuuka-san back into it if I can help it." I don't want them to know, itched on her tongue, but she wouldn't make herself seem even more selfish, she'd done enough of that already.
"Then you wish to climb Tartarus without her?" Aigis prompted, and Minako sighed.
"We'll try," she suggested, "the first night, anyway. I might figure out something."
Aigis nodded, and Minako shooed her off. "Go on, then," she said, and forced a smile. "I need to get some sleep if we're going to Tartarus tomorrow."
But as Aigis shut the door quietly after herself, Minako swallowed as she sat once more on her bed. Here she had been, when Ryoji had taken her defiance as challenge instead, when Minako had wrapped shaking fingers around his throat as a scream built up in her chest - why, why, why -
Ryoji had smiled at her, loving and accepting, as his face turned blue, as the life had slowly left his eyes and Minako had barely a moment to realise what she had done before the world and her memories reset.
Whether he had lied to her or not, he had gotten what he wanted - his death at her hands. But already his supposed peace was unravelling, and Minako knew she could no longer stand by and keep it. It was different, with just her and him, sitting on her bed with the rest of the world shut out; no one would know what choice she made. Now she was accountable, now she had to make the conscious choice - but it wasn't much of a choice at all.
When she went to sleep that night, she dreamed of terrible things.
They went to Tartarus the following night, just Minako and Aigis sneaking out of the dorm at the start of the Dark Hour. It had always seemed dangerous and forbidding, but with only Aigis by her side, Minako knew she had to tread carefully lest everything be for naught. It wouldn't do to die here, premature; her time was later, Minako knew, and her smile was decidedly tired.
"I'll be right back," Minako said, already fixated on the ever-present blue door at the entrance, as she stepped inside and let the door click shut behind her.
"Welcome back," Igor intoned, peering at her intently over his folded hands.
"Hi," Minako said, shifting in her seat. "I suppose my destiny's right back on track?"
Igor smiled. "Indeed it is." He glanced over to the side, where Elizabeth usually stood, and she stepped out of the shadows.
"How may I help you?"
"Do you think," Minako asked slowly, meeting her golden-eyed gaze, "that you could help us?"
"You don't mean - " Elizabeth started, and paused. She shared a long look with Igor and met Minako's gaze. "Your destiny approaches. Tonight the moon is full and in twenty-nine days it will be full once more, heralding the being you call Nyx's arrival to your world."
Just over four weeks, closer than she expected, and Minako pressed back the stirrings of fear. It was a useless feeling, one that had sunk her to this point already; she had no time to be afraid, not any more. "I won't shirk my duty," she said. "Will you help? I know what I have to do," she said, her smile tight, "but we could use an extra, at least for climbing the rest of the tower."
"The mysteries of Tartarus," Elizabeth said musingly, and Igor inclined his head. "Very well, as my Master allows; I will accompany you on your ascension of the Tower. I will not fight the Shadows, as we have no quarrel with one another," she said, her golden-yellow eyes meeting Minako's own, "but whatever other assistance I may provide, you will have it."
Elizabeth's more serious demeanor dropped as she stepped outside the door, admiring the entrance hall of Tartarus. Minako gave a tight smile to Aigis, who was watching Elizabeth with narrowed eyes, which hardened further when Elizabeth exclaimed, "Oh, and this is your mechanical maiden, infused with an ego of her own!"
"My name is Aigis," Aigis said, her tone stiff, and Minako stepped over to her to rest a hand on her arm. Aigis met her gaze, and something seemed to loosen inside her as her mouth twitched into a tiny smile.
Elizabeth absently said, "Oh, of course. And I am Elizabeth." She peered at Aigis then, a slight frown furrowing her eyebrows. "What potential you have," she said, sounding surprised.
"Potential?" Aigis questioned, as Minako felt a terrible sort of dread creep over her - not her she thought with terror, not her as well; she met Elizabeth's gaze, and Elizabeth gave her a tiny shake of her head. Minako, flush with relief, smiled tentatively in response.
"Perhaps," said Elizabeth. "We shall see. Shall we proceed?"
Four weeks, Minako reminded herself, as they teleported to the last barrier in Tartarus and started climbing. Four weeks, as Elizabeth kept track of weaknesses and strengths and Aigis shifted into Orgia Mode and back, as they climbed and climbed and climbed. Four weeks, as she forced out Persona after Persona, as her hands blistered on her naginata and her Evoker; and it was four, then three, then two.
She spent all her time sleeping in class during the day, talking battle strategies in hushed voices with Aigis after school before they could climb Tartarus at night. In the end, it was pushing on a week left by the time they finally reached the top.
"The final barrier," Elizabeth had said, two days previous and nearly two dozen floors lower, and gave Minako a cheeky smile as she punched on through it. "Though, as I doubt you'd wish to climb more on the hour of reckoning, I'm sure we can pass just this once."
"Thank you," Minako had whispered, fervent and tired, and Elizabeth's smile softened to something quiet.
"You are like a sister to me," she repeated, "I will ease your trial if I can."
Aigis, meanwhile, watched them with curious eyes.
"What is life?" she asked Minako later. They were the last two customers at Wild Duck Burger, in the florescent lighting and colourful plastic seats. "I made a decision," she clarified, "to live my life for it's own sake. But Minako-san, what does it mean? How do I...?"
"I don't think anyone knows," Minako said, after a moment, chewing on some fries. It weighed on her, more than Aigis knew, that she was no closer to finding the meaning to life even with her own death approaching so soon. "But, I think you should enjoy it; have fun while you can. Live life to its fullest," she said, the cliché coming easily to her lips.
Aigis looked down at Minako's plate, lost in thought. "But," she said, "Minako-san, shouldn't you also be living 'life to its fullest'?"
"Who says I'm not?" Minako said, and her smile was wry. "Aigis... though we're kinda pressed for time on Tartarus, that doesn't mean I'm not having fun. I get to hang out with you, after all - and you're my friend."
"Friends," repeated Aigis, and gave Minako a tremulous smile. "Yes, we are."
"Then, see?" Minako reached out and grasped Aigis' hands between her own, her smile easier. "It's not so bad, with you."
Aigis held her gaze, piercing blue eyes staring into her soul for a long, steady moment as she said intently, "Minako-san, thank you."
Pulling away her hands, Minako turned back to her burger, face ducked to hide the heat risen in her cheeks. "Hey," she said, after regaining her composure, "that's what friends are for, right?"
"Yes," Aigis repeated, her smile small but genuine, "I believe it is."
The next day Aigis invited Minako back to her room after school. With their foreheads pressed together, her hands over Aigis' pulsing heart, Minako though she might know the answer to it, after all. The meaning of life, she thought, might just be, and the words hovered on her lips. But she remembered then that nothing could last, that death, especially hers, was inevitable, and she pulled away with a melancholy smile.
"Thank you," Aigis said, with a quiet honesty that made Minako's heart ache.
"No," she said, "don't thank me. If some part of me can stay with you forever..." She closed her eyes, words stuck in her throat. "Thank you."
The day before the end came faster than Minako wanted to believe. She knew she should be spending the day resting, or with Aigis, sorting out the last of their strategies, or even hanging out with her friends one last time, Yukari or Fuuka or Rio, perhaps. But instead she skipped school for the day to take a trip to the hospital, and the private room where Shinjiro Aragaki lay.
He lay pale and cold and still, the only evidence of life the movement of his chest with silent breaths and the steady beeping of a heart monitor nearby. Minako sat down in the visitor's plastic chair which wobbled on its feet, and reached out and grasped his lifeless hand.
"Hey," she said, and her voice cracked. "Senpai. Sorry I haven't come to see you much this year, but I'm sure you'd want me to get out and enjoy life while I can." She swallowed the lump in her throat and exhaled. "Um, so, I just wanted to say goodbye, and, I'm sorry. I'm sorry I wasn't as brave as you, when it counted. I'm sorry I wasn't willing to die, to live a fate worse than death with - " and she cut herself off as her voice rose, tamping down on her outburst. "You didn't know him, Ryoji-kun, did you?" she said, almost absently, fixated on that terrible memory. "He told me - he told me that the only way to defeat Nyx was to seal her away, that I was the only one who could."
She exhaled slowly and whispered, as though saying it louder might make it true, "He said every moment would be a struggle, that he had seen my soul there, frozen for the rest of eternity, begging him to let me off, let me out, free me from that eternal pain and suffering as the manifestation of the human desire for death and apathy fought against me every step of the way - "
She stopped and took a moment to compose herself, watching Shinjiro's placid, unchanging face. "I just wanted to say," she said with a wry twitch of her lips, "that I'm doing it for you. For you, and for everyone I'm trying to protect. All my social links, all my friends who stayed with me even as I gave up on them..." She leaned over to brush away the hair on his forehead, pressing a chaste kiss to his temple as she murmured, no louder than a breath, "Please don't forget me."
She knew it was selfish. But she wanted to be remembered.
The last day dawned bright and cold. Minako could feel the chill creeping into her bones, settling there and burying deep. She couldn't quite fathom going to school feeling as she did, the process of doing her hair and putting on her uniform some great effort she wasn't sure she could manage. That night, she would die - if she were lucky. If she weren't... she wasn't going to think of if she weren't.
Listless, tired and uncertain, Minako laid in bed until the sun was high in the sky, until she heard a quiet knock on the door. "Minako-san?" Opening the door, Aigis peered inside, and Minako waved her in.
The door clicked shut behind her, an oddly final sound, as Aigis stepped closer to her bed. "Minako-san," she said again, and there was a quiet sort of understanding in her eyes that had Minako reach out and tug her down. Her synthetic heart was warm against Minako's palms when she tangled her fingers in Aigis' hair at the base of her neck, pulling her closer.
"Please," Minako breathed, "please," and she couldn't bring herself to say it out loud once more. But it didn't matter when Aigis, her expression bright and strange, leaned the half-inch forward to bring their mouths together, when Minako pulled her closer, closer so that some lasting imprint of herself could be left in Aigis' indelible memory, so that some tiny remnant of her would be left behind -
So that when the end came, she would be remembered.
And when the clock ticked over to midnight, Minako Arisato stood at the peak of Tartarus, watching Nyx descend from the sky.
There was no physical, humanoid form for this being, no constraints on her manifestation because her Harbinger was dead; instead a giant cloud of Shadow seeping tendrils into the world crept from the moon, its presence too much for humans to bear. Perhaps people were screaming, panicking and praying as it descended upon them, or perhaps they were taken in their coffins, gently into the darkness that awaited, but at the top of Tartarus, Minako looked into its dark shining heart and knew her death. Would this be her afterlife, trapped and holding tight to this form of death and apathy made real? Her breath came short and painful in her chest as she rose to meet it, but she knew that in the end, this was her destiny, no matter how far she tried to run. The World Arcana they had given her, the power of all her bonds resting deep in her soul, and she held up a finger and cast a seal and closed her eyes for the very last time as the sky filled with light.
Her body fell to the ground like a puppet loose from its strings; cradled, ever so gently, in mechanical arms as the tower collapsed beneath them.
but what really happened was:
"Is that all?" Minako said, defiance shining in her eyes. "Ryoji-kun, you must know that won't convince me."
Ryoji let his human guise fall over his body once more, retaking the seat beside her - his beloved. "Minako-chan," he said with a quiet intensity, "please, reconsider," and he thought desperately of his trump card, the words already half-formed on his lips -
But his mouth fell instead into a self-deprecating smile, the knowledge of his choices rushing into his head like a flood with his existence slowly fading, tied more to Death than reality. He could feel his hands loose and strange like they were about to disintegrate before his eyes, and he clenched them into fists in his lap. "Nothing I say here will change anything," he said, with a terrible settling resignation. "Whatever I do, whatever I say. You'll always fight Nyx, in the end, you'll always - " and he cut himself off, turning his face into his scarf so she couldn't see his expression.
Minako nudged him, smiling in that understated way of hers. "Ryoji-kun," she said, "I signed the contract. Whatever it entails, I will take responsibility for what we've brought upon ourselves; that's my decision."
And it always was, a thousand times over, regardless of what he said or did. There was nothing he could change, nothing he could do to save her that which awaited; every permutation lead to the same result. If only, if only... there were no ifs here, only a barely changeable when. He would be selfish, then, and spare her the knowledge of her inevitable future - her last days would be haunted only by the shadow of Death rather than the true trial to come.
"Well," said Ryoji, as though it came from a long distance away, as the clock ticked over to midnight. "What is it they say? Happy new year."