Chapter Text
This wasn’t the first time you entered someone’s mind so by now you knew these places usually looked quite similar. Even ruthless criminals had at least a few rooms that looked brighter than the rest, ones that were filled with good memories. But Kakashi’s mind was different: it was dark, depressing and you could barely shake off the suffocating feeling of anxiety that filled the air. It wasn’t Rin’s death alone that made it look this way, though. It was… everything he had gone through in his life so far.
It took a while until you finally found a door that was different. “So he does have at least one happy memory after all,” you thought as you breathed a sigh of relief. Although you were there to take care of something else, you still felt the urge to peek inside and see what this certain memory was. He probably wouldn’t even notice if you took a quick look inside the room, but the information you would get this way could be really valuable later.
But before you could reach the handle of the door, someone grabbed your wrist to stop you. “Please, don't go in there.”
“I was wondering when you'd show up,” you told Kakashi once you turned to look at him. “Why shouldn't I, though? Everything looks so... dark and lonely here. This seems to be the only happy room.”
He let out a long, thoughtful hum as his hand rubbed his chin over the mask. “Maybe it is,” he admitted eventually with a small nod. “Either way, I'd like you to focus on why you came here.”
“But you look so depressed all the time, and you tend to shut everyone out. If this room can help me figure out how to make you feel better—”
“No need.”
Why did he have to be so damn stubborn all the time? There were nights when he couldn’t sleep because of his nightmares, and whenever this happened, he visited you to try to get them out of his head and at least have some company so he wouldn’t be alone with his thoughts. But no matter how many times you asked him about them or what you should do to help, he always ignored it. “Please, don’t do this again. Don’t shut me out and let me help!”
This time it seemed to work. But maybe it only worked because you weren’t talking to the real Kakashi, only the version that guarded his mind. Letting out a sigh, he nodded. “Fine.”
When you opened the door, you found yourself in a completely different environment. In fact, it all looked very familiar. Was it a place you’d visited before? But then you caught a glimpse of a young girl running out of a room, followed by a boy who looked really annoyed for some reason. Then you noticed a forehead protector in the girl’s hand and realized why it was so familiar. “Are they–”
“Yes, they’re us, but a long time ago,” Kakashi replied without missing a beat. He leaned against the doorframe with his arms folded over his chest and it didn’t seem like he was about to follow you any further. “After that... incident with my father, your parents tried to help him, although it didn't work. But whenever we were there, you tried to cheer me up. Sometimes I think you were my only real friend at the time.”
Then suddenly the scene changed and you found yourself in a memory from not long ago. He was in your room in the middle of the night, reading a book with a flashlight in his mouth while you slept with your head in his lap. Did he really have a separate room for these memories alone? “I know we've been talking quite a lot lately, but considering we hadn't been very close for long years, I didn't think you valued our friendship this much,” you muttered quietly while the scene changed once again.
Behind you Kakashi awkwardly cleared his throat. “Uhm, yeah, right, our friendship.” You couldn’t recall ever seeing him be awkward around you so this unusual reaction immediately made you turn around with a questioning look on your face. “I'm just not sure if what I truly value can be called that.”
“Why?”
“It doesn't matter.”
“Hey, don't be so cryptic. You know I can find the answer here whether you like it or not,” you warned him.
But when you tried to leave the room, he simply extended his arm to grab the other side of the doorframe in order to block your way out. For long seconds he didn’t say anything, only watched you with a seemingly neutral expression. “You're more than a friend to me. But... it just doesn't feel like I'm ready for anything else. Maybe in a few years. I don't really know to be honest.”
You didn’t know what to say. This was uncharted territory not only for you, but for him as well apparently. And you knew he was right about not being ready for something like this. So you nodded then walked out of the room under his arm, determined to find the room you came to look for in the first place. Soon you heard his footsteps from behind you but you didn’t turn around because you assumed it would be the best if you just avoided the topic for now.
“I ruined everything, didn't I?” he suddenly asked, surprising you with this question.
“What? No. I can see you're uncomfortable and I don't want to push you,” you explained with a kind smile before you came to a halt in front of a room. You could hear the crackling sound of his Chidori from inside and the air was heavy from the feeling of anxiety you’d felt before at other parts of this place. “This is the room I'm looking for, right?”
Note: The reader in this story has an ability that’s pretty useful in the Torture and Interrogation Force...