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“I never intended it to be this way.”
Risotto shifted from one side to the other to face Cannolo. Currently, they were laying together in the latter’s bed in his cheap and trashy apartment. In a way both of them could feel that neither of them wanted to be there, but instead together anywhere else in the world. The same could be applied to their current situation.
“We weren’t supposed to mingle,” Cannolo mumbled.
“I don’t think this qualifies as mingling,” Risotto said, refining his statement down.
Cannolo huffed a quick puff of air through his pursed lips, staring up at the ceiling above him. He glanced over at the man laying next to him, “Obviously sleeping together isn’t mingling, but you know what I mean. Fuck, it’s not even our...relationship, Ris. It’s what I’m doing for la squandra.”
“What you’re going to do.”
“I know.”
Rubbing his head against his pillow, Risotto was silent for a moment. Possibly out of his own need for sleep, but more likely to collect his thoughts. “You know I am in no way forcing you to get information on the boss, and you know that I could get this information yourself if I see fit, correct?”
“Of course I fucking do. This is just something for me to do, no special circumstances attached.” Cannolo was now also on his side, “You didn’t even ask me to do this in the first place.”
“Hmf,” Risotto nodded, “you’re right.”
And for a long moment they were both quiet, quiet enough for Risotto to let his crimson and sable eyes flutter shut and bring him into slumber. Cannolo couldn’t help but stare as he collected his thoughts. All truth be told, this wasn’t for Risotto’s gain, nor the boss’, or anyone in la squandra. This was all for himself; all for Cannolo. No, he didn’t feel regret, he didn’t feel guilt either. It was just something that had to be done.
Something that had to be done.
Cannolo reached out a steady hand and ran it thorugh Risotto’s hair. This was something that didn’t have to be done. His vague and inconsistent immoral relationship with him didn’t have to be done, but why was it there in the first place? Cannolo could say it was simply his attraction to Risotto and his dark honey thighs or his strong frame, or he could say he was only sticking around because he was bored. Whichever it was, it didn’t matter. There was no guilt in his heart. He knew what was to come of this, and he knew he was smart enough to fly away with it.
There was no guilt.