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“Wait, hyung, what do you mean?” Jungkook gasps out a breath trying to keep up with Jin, legs struggling to cover the same amount of ground that his hyung so easily steps over.
“Well Kook,” Jin starts slowly, as if he’s talking to an idiot, which Jungkook figures is close to the truth. “We all know you fall asleep easily…but this is the third time I’ve caught you spending the night at Namjoon’s this week.”
Jungkook is struggling to find the correlation between this and Jin looking between him and Namjoon and suddenly shouting I can’t believe you guys! a mere five minutes ago.
“And…” he trails off, waiting for Jin to fill in the blanks.
“Jungkook-ah, you know you can tell us anything right? We just want the best for you,” Jin says seriously, a sharp glint in his eye that tells Jungkook he means business.
“Of course,” Jungkook replies dutifully, not wanting to worry his hyung. He isn’t 100% sure what he’s talking about with the snoring and sudden protectiveness, but his heart squeezes at his reassurances.
“So if there’s anything going on between you and Namjoon…you don’t have to keep it a secret. We love you guys and we want you to be happy.” Jin’s voice always sounds smooth and practiced, but there’s something now that tells Jungkook it’s definitely practiced.
Oh. Oh. Jungkook gets it now.
People don’t give him much credit for figuring things out on his own, but somehow everything is crystal clear when it comes to Namjoon. One time, Jimin asked him what 5285 Namjoons times 6 Namjoons was, and he immediately knew the answer was 31,710 Namjoons. And then he had a panic attack because thinking about 31,710 Namjoons in this world was overwhelming as fuck.
Honestly, he wishes that what Jin is implying really was the truth—that Namjoon is finally his boyfriend and reciprocates the love that’s been multiplying in his heart since day one.
All Namjoon has to do is smile and it a million little cuts all over his heart are closing and reopening all at once, over and over again. Loving Namjoon is as easy as breathing, but Jungkook can’t help the fact that it hurts, jagged lines pushing at soft edges.
There were so many opportunities for their relationship to evolve into something more, but even Jungkook knows the window is closing by the day. Namjoon sees him as nothing more than a friend, helping with his studies and allowing Jungkook to witness his late night soliloquies.
He almost always manages to fall asleep after Namjoon does, save for the time Jungkook woke up in the middle of their Marvel marathon to find himself plastered to Namjoon’s side, tiny puddle of drool gathering at the dead center of Namjoon’s covered chest. Still in a daze from his nap, he thanked his lucky stars that all he could do was nuzzle closer and sigh when Namjoon finally started stroking his hair.
“Our Kookie’s hair is getting so long,” Namjoon had said. His voice rumbled low in his chest and Jungkook felt it reverberate throughout his entire being. Maybe it was the lingering drowsiness, but Jungkook swore in that moment he was literally enveloped by Namjoon’s voice.
Jungkook murmured back an affirmative, too lost in the feeling of Namjoon’s slender, beautiful fingers pushing and pulling softly at the crown of his head.
“It’s pretty,” Namjoon said, uttered like it was a secret, the only other sound in the room ironically that of Captain America pulling apart a log with his bare hands.
Jungkook vaguely sensed alarm bells going off in his head for some reason, but he was too distracted by the waves of sleep beckoning him back to shore. Being in Namjoon’s arms was the best place, full stop. His breathing returned to a slow and steady inhale-exhale, and Namjoon smiled and brushed a thumb over Jungkook’s cheek.
“Hyung,” Jungkook says softly, all previous worry of catching his breath forgotten. He bites his lip before speaking, and Jin’s gaze softens. “It’s just a me thing. I’ve been going over to Joon hyung’s place a lot for help with philosophy and he lets me sleep over when it gets late. That’s it, nothing more.”
It’s true. With Jackson studying abroad in America for the semester, Namjoon simply lifted the covers of his bed one night and told Jungkook to get in before he changed his mind. Jungkook knows that Namjoon could just have easily told him to take Jackson’s bed, but when the opportunity to sleep next to Namjoon presented itself, Jungkook had been a weak man.
Namjoon’s cuddles always make Jungkook feel like he’s on top of the world. Anything could try to bring them down, but none of that stands a chance when the two of them are together. Like clockwork, Namjoon pulls Jungkook close and drops a kiss to the top of his head. Jungkook always burrows his face deeper into Namjoon’s neck and scratches lightly over Namjoon’s back until the elder’s breaths even out.
It’s all platonic. Jungkook knows that.
“Kook,” Jin says. If his eyes could somehow get any softer, they would. Jungkook doesn’t know what he’s supposed to see, but he’s grateful it isn’t pity.
He knows his crush is of so great a magnitude there’s literally no way to keep it inside anymore. He knows what Jimin and Taehyung are trying to say whenever they shoot him looks around Namjoon. And he knows that there’s no easy way to untangle himself from his stupid mess of feelings, but he has to do it soon. Eventually, Namjoon’s going to find someone to love and cherish, and Jungkook will be left in the dust.
So with the New Year, Jungkook’s given himself a new goal of Getting the Fuck Over Kim Namjoon. Jungkook’s got this. He’s even got fucking action steps for it, too, because new year, new Jeon Jungkook. Namjoon doesn’t call him his Golden Maknae for nothing—fuck. Namjoon.
Regardless, Jungkook knows he’s primed for success. He has it all mapped out:
1. Grieve everything that could’ve happened but don’t ask why
2. Hype himself up because what better way to pay tribute to Namjoon than by loving himself
3. Spend less time with Namjoon
4. Go on a date with someone who isn’t Namjoon
5. Be over Namjoon
6. Fall in love with someone who’s name is not Kim Namjoon
Jungkook doubts he’ll ever get to step 6 in his plan, but he has hope he might reach it in one of his next lifetimes.
“Seriously, hyung. Don’t worry about me, I’ve got this!” Jungkook tries to inject more enthusiasm in his voice to ease Jin’s worries.
“I’ve got a plan and everything. You guys won’t have to worry about me mooning over Namjoon hyung anymore, it’s going to be awesome.”
Jin pauses and furrows his brows, at a loss for words.
“Wait, Jungkook-ah, that’s not…that’s not what I meant. It’s not—it’s not mooning over Namjoon or whatever you think it—“ Jungkook cuts him off to save himself from any more embarrassment.
“It’s okay,” he tries again, slower this time, nodding his head to convince Jin to go along with it. “I’ve got a six step plan and it’s full steam ahead, hyung. Don’t worry!”
Jin definitely looks worried but thankfully doesn’t say anything, just slips his hand in Jungkook’s and squeezes before letting go. As if the conversation never happened, Jin easily transitions to a rant about how Byulyi leaves her socks all over their apartment. I swear, if she wasn’t my girlfriend, I would’ve started charging her rent a long time ago.
And Jungkook pauses his daily thoughts about Namjoon and wonders how the hell Moon Byulyi has been living rent-free for the past six months.
1. Grieve everything that could’ve been, but don’t ask why
The sun is shining, the birds are singing, and in Jungkook’s book, it’s the perfect day to kick off his Get Over Namjoon plan. Of course, the universe doesn’t seem to agree, which is how he finds himself flat on his ass staring up at the sky. He hates snow, misses the warm and sandy beaches of Busan, and is never going to leave his apartment ever again.
He hears footsteps approaching and closes his eyes before he can face the imminent embarrassment and mortification.
“Jungkook? Is that you?” the shadow asks, and Jungkook groans when he recognizes the gravelly voice.
“Hi Yoongi hyung. I’m dying.”
Jungkook feels a light tap on his hip that he knows has to be Yoongi’s foot and groans again. The bed of ice is starting to feel cold on his back, but he can’t for the life of him gather the energy to get back on his feet.
It’s a sign. The universe is telling him that he isn’t meant to start getting over Namjoon today.
“Did you just say you’re not getting over Namjoon today,” Yoongi deadpans, voice devoid of any and all emotion. Oh. It seems Jungkook’s now in the business of saying everything aloud.
“Stop saying this shit out loud, it’s too fucking early for this.”
Yoongi sips from his travel mug of coffee. Jungkook blinks.
“Help me, hyung, pleaseeeee,” Jungkook whines, reaching out a gloved hand in the general direction of up.
Yoongi sighs and sips again, loudly, before taking Jungkook’s hand in his solid one. Finally, he’s upright and looking Yoongi in the eye, which is made slightly difficult by the fact that Yoongi’s squinting at him.
“Can we just, like, not talk about this? It’s fine, Yoongi hyung. Don’t worry about me.”
“I’m always worried about you, you shithead,” Yoongi replies seriously. “Takes up so much of my energy but it’s worth it.”
Jungkook knows Yoongi adores him, but hearing it said so matter of factly still brings little prickles to his cold, dead heart.
“So what is this shit with Namjoon you didn’t mean to tell me about?”
Jungkook realizes there’re a few different ways to go about this:
Avoid the question further and risk the wrath of Yoongi obliterating him to pieces and calling him out on his bullshit.
Take one for the team and risk the embarrassment of telling him about the whole being in love with Namjoon and trying to get over him thing.
He mentally shakes his head at the third option of making Yoongi hyung guess what the issue is; he would most definitely slice Jungkook up with the special sashimi knives he bought off Gmarket the other day. The knives themselves had been shiny as fuck, but hadn’t compared to the frankly terrifying glint in Yoongi’s eye as he hit Submit Order.
“I’m in love with Namjoon hyung.”
Yoongi’s silent for a moment and Jungkook starts growing excited, wondering what his reaction will be. Instead, he’s met with the most uncool, boring, unexpected response ever.
“Is that your confession or something? I didn’t ask for you to tell me something I already know.”
Even though Jungkook already has huge, round Bambi eyes to begin with (Namjoon’s words, not his), they turn into literal saucers when Yoongi’s words finally process in his too slow brain.
“What,” he screeches, halting to a stop.
Yoongi keeps walking but pauses to shoot him a glare before continuing on his merry way. Jungkook gathers his bearings and jogs to make up for lost ground, making the point of only stepping where he can’t see ice.
“Kook, come on. You love Namjoon, Namjoon loves you, is someone finally gonna make a move?”
“What!” Jungkook yells this time. “No! I’m literally trying to get over him. You heard me the first time, hyung.”
“Why?”
“Why what?”
“Why do you need to get over him,” Yoongi grits, looking 1000% over this conversation already.
“I just need to.” Jungkook doesn’t want to explain this, literally anything but this, Yoongi hyung please.
“Jungkook,” Yoongi warns.
Alright. Jungkook really values his life so his resolve officially breaks with that.
“I need to get over him so I don’t get hurt when he starts dating someone else cause it’s going to really suck, and I already know Namjoon hyung would never want me, like even I’m not that disillusioned, you know? I need to stop hoping because loving him just kinda sucks now,” Jungkook lets out in a single breath.
He waits for the older man to laugh or pat him on the shoulder. He never expected him to look so pained.
“Jungkook. What.”
Jungkook shrugs in response. He feels like he’s said everything that needs to be said.
“You’re wrong.”
He wants to argue, but he knows Yoongi well enough that arguing with him isn’t on the table.
“I’m not even going to waste my time asking why you think Namjoon would never want to date you, but Kook. This is Joon we’re talking about. The kid literally thinks you hung the moon he’s so obsessed with.”
“Sounds fake, but okay.”
Yoongi nearly growls in frustration and sounds like he’s going to toss Jungkook out a window. Luckily they’re still walking slowly but steadily to the coffee shop sitting at the edge of campus, where Jimin and Taehyung await their arrival. Jungkook makes a mental note to tell Hoseok what Yoongi’s growl sounded like when he sees him for their art history lecture later.
Regardless of whether or not his unrequited love doesn’t work out, he still wants someone to be happy, even if that someone is Hoseok of all people.
Studying with his hyungs is one of Jungkook’s favorite things to do. It’s the best time to do mindless stuff like get through his calculus problem sets while everyone goofs off around him. The sacred routine never changes—thanks to their university refusing to hold lectures on Friday, the seven of them always meet at Filter in the morning to breeze through homework while wasting time in each other’s company.
Today, Jungkook doesn’t bother taking out his philosophy readings. Jin’s talking loudly about his date the other night, so after Jungkook finishes these last few integrals, he’s packing up his stuff for the day and migrating to the other end of the table to hear all about said mystery date.
Instead, a gentle kick to his calf snaps his concentration, and Jungkook looks up to find Namjoon’s face smiling back at him, dimples fully on display. Jungkook wants to know what it’s like to swim in them. The corners of Jungkook’s mouth lift of their own accord.
“What’re you working on?” Namjoon asks, as if it isn’t obvious from a single glance at Jungkook’s worksheet.
“Uh. Calculus?”
Namjoon laughs, a little like a child and a lot like a buffoon, and Jungkook raises an eyebrow, unsure where his answer got lost in translation.
“You’re so cute,” Namjoon says in lieu of an explanation, and Jungkook feels blood rushing to his cheeks.
“I’m always cute, you know that,” Jungkook murmurs, scratching his neck to give his hands something to do.
“I do know that,” Namjoon assures. “And because I know you so well, I’m very well aware of the fact that your philosophy essay is due on Monday.”
Jungkook groans loudly, briefly attracting the attention of a curious Hoseok and an amused Yoongi. Namjoon’s correct, just as he always is: Jungkook’s essay is indeed due on Monday, and Jungkook isn’t remotely close to starting it. He was hoping he’d close his eyes on Sunday night and wake up in a universe where he’d already finished it.
Namjoon seems to understand exactly what Jungkook’s thinking since he just laughs again.
“What’s your prompt? Let’s walk through it together, yeah?”
And while hearing about Jin’s date is so, so enticing, it’s nothing compared to the prospect of getting individualized attention from his favorite person in the world. The way Namjoon explains Wittgenstein and breaks down something as abstract as color always blows Jungkook away. Namjoon teaching is similar to every other Namjoon that Jungkook knows—he somehow makes the burden of life that much easier to carry.
If Yoongi shoots him a knowing smirk every once in awhile, Jungkook pretends not to notice, instead turning his attention back to Namjoon. Beautiful, beautiful Namjoon with his tousled hair and kind eyes, the man who’s never let Jungkook down in the several years they’ve known each other.
The man that Jungkook is so, so painfully in love with, and probably always will be in love with.
2. Hype himself up because what better way to pay tribute to Namjoon than by loving himself?
The first time Jeon Jungkook goes to spin class will not be the last, he swears his life on this. But of course the song after the arms circuit that makes everyone cry just has to be Forever Rain today. He wishes it were something more cliche, like Halo. He has no qualms crying to Beyonce. But instead, Jungkook keeps pedaling and crying, returning the suspiciously understanding mmm from next to him with one of his own.
If Jimin asks how he liked his first class, Jungkook won’t admit he cried like a baby hearing Namjoon’s voice fill the studio in the dark, the only sound other than the music being the bikes whirring with movement. The strong, clean scent of grapefruit coupled with the solidarity he feels with everyone around him is one he doesn’t think he’ll ever forget. He thinks offhandedly that part of it was Namjoon’s voice facilitating the safety within the room so this could even happen.
“So, what’d you think?” Jimin bounds over to Jungkook, who’s still trying to figure out how to use the keyless lock in the pristine white locker room. He bummed a ride with Jimin and left his wallet and keys in the glove compartment, so he doesn’t think he’d be in any immediate trouble if he just left his stuff in the locker and never returned.
Jimin’s eyes are doing the bright shining thing again, and it takes everything in Jungkook not to shield his eyes from the sight. Jimin’s in this sinful pair of black vinyl workout leggings that make his thighs look amazing, a big yellow SOULCYCLE tank draped loosely over his shoulders. Jungkook promises he will reward himself with a pair of Takara leggings when he’s finally over Namjoon.
Wait. He realizes wickedly that Jimin has an extra pair of red ones in his closet. Perfect.
Jungkook aims for nonchalant and shrugs. “It was okay, I guess. You were really good.”
Jimin preens at the praise, booping Jungkook on the nose before waving goodbye to another rider.
“There’s a reason I got promoted to master instructor, you know.”
Jungkook’s gaze immediately shifts to the newest Cartier Love bracelet on Jimin’s list. He’d recently taken both Jungkook and Taehyung along to get another one, and Taehyung had cried a little when the man had handed him the screwdriver to close the bracelet. Jungkook thinks it was more emotional than their actual wedding.
“Uh, yeah Chim. We know master instructors are the ones modeling all the merch here.”
“Well, with a body like this and a face like this, it’d be a waste not to.”
Jungkook laughs when Jimin scrunches his nose in distaste. Jimin’s been trying out this new brand of humor in which he’s constantly waxing poetic about himself and Jungkook secretly loves it.
“Anyways, what’d you think of my mix? Good, right?” There’s an evil glint in Jimin’s eye that tells him his song choices were definitely influenced by Jungkook coming to his class today.
“I loved it,” Jungkook answers honestly.
“Hmm, I wonder how happy Namjoon hyung’s going to be when he hears. Let’s see—is it going to be heart eyes Joon or so soft he malfunctions Joon?”
Jungkook pauses from his lock picking attempts to level Jimin with a look.
“Hyuuuuuuung,” he whines, gesturing to the locker. “Help meeeeee.”
Jimin rolls his eyes but immediately swivels the numbers around to read 0912. He twists the lock and it opens all too easily. Jungkook can’t bring himself to feel any modicum of shame.
“God, you’re such a sap. I literally cannot with you anymore.”
Jungkook shrugs and pat his face with the towel around his neck. If loving Kim Namjoon was a crime, he should’ve been locked up years ago.
From there, it’s a tightly choreographed dance of Jimin indulging small conversations with his riders on his way out the door while Jungkook grabs the keys from Jimin’s pocket and makes for the parking garage. He pulls Jimin’s shiny expensive car around just in time for the older man to hop in, and like that, they’re off and running.
“Make sure you stay out of the left lanes, they always close them down around here for construction,” Jimin says after a few minutes, plucking his sunglasses from a compartment somewhere and pushing them to rest on the bridge of his nose. He looks glamorous and rich, as if dropping out of college to become a spin instructor had been the best decision to come his way. And for Jimin, it was.
Jungkook hums an affirmation and focuses on the task at hand. He can see a pile up ahead, so he taps the blinker and maneuvers the car into the opposite lane.
“So what’s all this I hear about your plan to get over Joonie hyung?”
Startled, Jungkook’s foot flies to the brakes.
Jimin glares at him. “I will skin you alive if you so much as leave a dent in my Mercedes, you being in love with Namjoon be damned.”
Jungkook swallows but otherwise lifts his foot and moves it over to the gas, gradually adding pressure as the cars in front of him start to move.
“Sorry hyung,” he says meekly, and Jimin nods once before continuing.
“I don’t even know if I should bother giving you a chance to explain yourself, my dear Jungkookie. This plan is so idiotic I genuinely have no idea what to do with you.”
“Why does everyone keep thinking it’s dumb? If you think about it, I’m really saving our entire group from ruin. Imagine how awkward it’d be if Namjoon hyung actually found out about my feelings?”
“You really think he’d be shitty about it? You and I both know for a fact that he wouldn’t.”
Jungkook sighs. He does know it. Namjoon would still be the nicest person while rejecting Jungkook, taking his time to explain that while he was flattered, he didn’t see Jungkook like that. They’d eventually grow apart, stop being friends, and ruin the dynamics of their entire friend group with their awkwardness until they were out of each other’s lives for good.
And Jungkook doesn’t want to lose the really great rhythm he’s found with Namjoon just yet. He loves him so much that just a moment with him feels infinitely more satisfying than a million with anyone else. Every moment with Namjoon registers as a blip in the radar when Jungkook wants them to last a lifetime.
“I know, hyung. But right now, respecting myself means not letting myself get so hung up on him anymore. I don’t want to be the person who sits around waiting for my life to start with him falling in love with me or something. I deserve better than that, right?”
As Jimin’s apartment complex comes into view, Jungkook gradually eases the car to a rolling stop and pushes the gear into park. When he finally musters the courage to look Jimin in the eye, he doesn’t see the pity he expected. Instead, there’s understanding—a silent I get it and I support you that speaks louder than words ever could.
Jungkook’s smile is watery but genuine, and Jimin doesn’t prod any further.
“Is seaweed a vegetable, hyung?”
Namjoon stares up at Jungkook from behind his open computer and blinks. And blinks. And blinks.
When he finally finds the words to respond he deadpans, “You’re from Busan, Kook. You are, to literally quote what you told me when we first met, a sea man.”
Jungkook can’t help it. He giggles. The joke was funny back when he was a lonely freshman looking for friends, and it’s still hilarious now as a junior with a shit ton of friends. A shit ton meaning exactly six and change.
“What do you think?” Namjoon asks, shutting his computer and fixing his gaze solely on Jungkook. His eyes are soft, and Jungkook wants to swim in them.
“It’s green. So it has to be a vegetable.”
“What does that make a tomato then?”
“Come on hyung. That’s literally a fruit, even I know that. And I also know that bananas, pumpkins, avocados, and watermelon are all berries. Must I remind you that I know how to google things?”
“Then why couldn’t you google this?” Namjoon retorts, and Jungkook doesn’t really have an answer for that besides You’re the smartest man I know and I might be in love with you. So he goes with the second best option.
“Well. I wanted to ask you, hyung. Why waste my time googling on my lonesome when the extrovert in me could learn and talk to you?” Jungkook blinks innocently for good measure and Namjoon smiles.
“You’re an introvert. You just wanted attention, didn’t you? You could’ve just said so—I was getting sick of going through my emails anyhow. For your information though, seaweed is an algae. We learned that in school.”
“Okay…so that’s a yes then? It is a vegetable?” If Jungkook spends too much time on the first portion of Namjoon’s words, he’s pretty sure he’d combust.
Namjoon chuckles and sets his computer aside. “Jungkook-ah, it’s all subjective isn’t it? What did Kant say about subjectivity?”
Jungkook groans. Of fucking course Namjoon would turn this into another philosophy lesson. He really fucking loves this man (like really fucking loves this man), but Jungkook is in no state to be talking about Kant or Descartes right now. It doesn’t even seem plausible for Jungkook to bring up IU of all people with his brain all over the place.
“I don’t remember, hyung. My brain melted after I took my last exam, and unfortunately I Kant remember who the hell Kant even is. Please take a number—Jeon Jungkook will be with you next semester.” He punctuates his words with a long sigh.
“Hey.”
Namjoon’s hand comes to rest on Jungkook’s head and it’s so warm, as if the sun’s shining its rays right at Jungkook, hidden in the tiny spaces between Namjoon’s fingers. That’s the power he holds over Jungkook, and Jungkook himself has no qualms about it.
“You’ve done so well, Jungkook-ah. I’m really proud of you.”
Namjoon ins’t supposed to say shit like this when Jungkook is weak and impressionable. He’s vulnerable, for fuck’s sake.
“Hyung, you can’t just say things like that without warning.”
Namjoon pauses, probably unsure of what Jungkook means. “Why?”
Jungkook could tell him everything right here and right now:
Hyung, I love you. Hyung, I want to be with you. My life is that much better with you in it, just like how philosophy is fun and reading is cool when you’re around. You make me better, and when you tell me you’re proud of me, my heart feels like it’s going to burst with how grateful I am to know you.
No, no. Jungkook promised himself that he was going to get over Namjoon, and the least he could do is make an effort.
“I’m trying to be like Jin hyung and the first rule is that I’m not allowed to have emotions.” Jungkook tries to school his face into something serious but, as always, fails miserably.
“Well, regardless of that ridiculous dream of yours, I’m going to keep doing it because you deserve it. You worked really fucking hard this semester and you don’t give yourself enough credit. If you can’t hype yourself up it’s good thing I’m here, because I’m going to hype the hell out of you, my golden boy.”
Looking at Namjoon again with his sun-kissed skin and dimpled smiles, the way his eyes crinkle with delight at Jungkook’s joke, the way he knows the in’s and out’s of Jungkook’s life better than the back of his own hand, the way he sees Jungkook’s successes as sweeter than his own—Jungkook falls in love all over again.
3. Spend less time with Namjoon
Jungkook is less than thrilled to embark on this step of his journey. If he’s being honest with himself, he’s really, really bad at it.
Namjoon’s been over for most of the day at this point, helping Jungkook put together the furniture he bought at IKEA (again, with Namjoon in tow). Surprisingly, Namjoon is really good at following instructions, so they’ve progressed to the point where he’s reading on Jungkook’s new love seat while the younger boy tries to make dinner but instead watches him from the kitchen with stars in his eyes.
“Hyung, you’re kind of the worst. You make it so hard for me to hate you,” Jungkook says all at once, huffing a big gust of air that makes his bangs lift and flop back onto his forehead.
He’s leaning his hip against the kitchen counter with a wooden spatula, pretending to stir the already simmering soup while sneaking glances at Namjoon.
Namjoon snaps his head up from the couch where he’s reading another of Plato’s works, dog-eared and worn at the sides. It speaks to how often Namjoon is at Jungkook’s place that there’s a pile of books Jungkook’s never read sitting on his coffee table, highlighted and dog-eared all the way through. Namjoon quirks an eyebrow while he processes what Jungkook’s just said and shoots him a puzzled look.
“What?” Namjoon’s hair is fluffy and sticks up at the sides while his glasses slowly drift down the length of his gorgeous nose. Jungkook wants to kiss and bite it all at once.
Instead, he swallows and takes a deep breath before starting over.
“Hyung, it’s really hard to hate you.”
Namjoon’s forehead creases, confused by the sudden confession.
“Thanks?” he tries, but Jungkook is faster.
“I really want to hate you, but it never works. I just love you a lot.”
“Why,” Namjoon starts, voice suddenly guarded and void of emotion. “Why do you want to hate me?”
“I don’t,” Jungkook admits, voice dropping to a near whisper.
Namjoon eases at that, one corner of his mouth lifting into a smirk.
“Good,” he says simply, leaving Jungkook to fish-mouth at the soup.
Namjoon drops the book on Jungkook’s coffee table and shuffles over to the kitchen, entering Jungkook’s space without a second thought. He leans his chin against Jungkook’s shoulder and knocks his head softly against Jungkook’s in lieu of a greeting. Namjoon’s arms stretch to grab at the counter, trapping Jungkook at the waist.
Blood rushes to Jungkook’s cheeks, and he hums nervously as he stirs the soup some more. It’s Namjoon’s favorite, one of Jungkook’s mother’s recipes that he’d brought with him from Busan: a ton of beef seasoned with garlic, soy sauce, and sesame oil, topped off with heaping handfuls of tofu and radish, all set to simmer in homemade dashima broth. Namjoon doesn’t like seafood, so Jungkook always makes sure to omit the mussels that give the soup its southern seaside flair.
“I could never hate you,” Namjoon whispers, words tingling at the shell of Jungkook’s ear.
Jungkook swallows, unable to breathe, let alone think with Namjoon draping himself all over him like this. He’s always been the tactile one, slotting his fingers through Namjoon’s on the long walks back to his apartment after study dates late into the night.
When Jungkook looks back on it now, it feels foolish. They say hindsight is 20/20, and Jungkook’s never had the best vision to begin with. He wonders if Namjoon could sense his desperation back then, if he could feel it radiating off him in waves even now.
Jungkook just nods, jostling Namjoon’s head the tiniest bit as he does so. There’s no way he trusts himself to speak so he leans on the one device he thinks he has left.
“I love you too, Kook. So much.”
It’s too much for Jungkook to process so he closes his eyes and leans his head against the cabinet in front of him. The soup continues to simmer, and with Namjoon pressing against him like this, he can feel the heat of the stove directly against his belly.
Namjoon runs a hand along the line of his waist and Jungkook bites his lip. While it doesn’t mean anything to Namjoon, it means too much to Jungkook. He knows he’s despicable for wishing it meant anything other than what Namjoon intended for it to be, but he can’t stop.
The past few weeks have been filled with Jungkook holding back and turning away from Namjoon’s touches, but right now there’s nowhere to escape to. Against every voice in his head urging him otherwise, Jungkook leans in to Namjoon’s embrace.
“You’re my best friend,” Namjoon continues, completely oblivious to the way Jungkook’s stomach drops.
He shrugs Namjoon off, gentle as can be to avoid arousing suspicion. Plastering a smile on his face, Jungkook takes a big step to the side and feigns the need to find some salt to restore some space between the two of them. Boundaries shouldn’t hurt this much, he thinks.
Who was he kidding? Namjoon would never see him like that. It was better to focus on the plan and move on. If it hurts now, Jungkook has no idea how much it’ll destroy him further down the line.
And he loves Namjoon…with all his being, he really does. But he isn’t sure how pathetic he wants to be in the face of love when the future is written for him to see, clear as day.
Jungkook is munching on a bag of Banana Kicks nearly a week later when Jin delivers the final blow.
“Namjoon said you rejected him the other day,” he says nonchalantly, as if this isn’t the most life changing news Jungkook has heard in at least the past year.
Jungkook chokes on his favorite banana flavored snack and swats Jin’s hands away when they inevitably approach to pat his back. Jin screeches with laughter as Jungkook finally gathers his wits about him.
“What do you mean I rejected him? He never asked me anything.”
Jungkook wracks his brain for where the hell this interaction could’ve originated. He thinks he’d recognize if Namjoon had been throwing him a bone, considering it’s the one thing he’s been waiting honest to god years for.
Jin rolls his eyes and levels Jungkook with a stare.
“It’s not becoming of you to play dumb,” he says, stealing a Banana Kick from Jungkook’s quickly diminishing supply. “He said he brought up you guys being an item and that you replied, absolutely not.”
Oh. Oh. That changes things. Jungkook definitely remembers that.
“Your ears are turning red, spill.”
The last thing Jungkook wants to do is spill. It was humiliating enough living through the ordeal, the prospect of reliving it as he relays it to Jin feels like a nightmare.
“I took some extra hotteok I made over to his place and we hung out for a bit?” Jungkook recalls, remembering the way the hot sugar felt on his lips, how Namjoon had looked leaning in to brush away the flecks of it on Jungkook’s chin. “We started talking about working out so I offered to bring him to one of Jimin hyung’s spin classes sometime.”
He pauses for dramatic effect and stuffs another Banana Kick into his mouth before continuing the story, crumbs spilling onto Seokjin’s immaculate marble counter.
“He said, and I quote, Only if you can guarantee a relationship afterwards. I asked him if he meant a romantic one, and he said yes.”
Jin takes a moment to process what he’s just heard, which Jungkook gladly obliges. Finally though, it seems his mind has caught up as he smacks Jungkook’s shoulders and squeals.
“Oh my god. Oh my god. That’s the lamest come on I’ve ever heard. I’m going to murder Namjoon when I see him next.”
Jungkook furrows his brow. “That’s when I said absolutely not.”
“What.”
After taking a moment to sigh loudly, Jungkook dives headfirst into the humiliation of the moment, already lived through but still able to make his skin prickle with embarrassment.
“It sounded like he wanted me to set him up with some hottie at the gym, and I’m not about that kind of life, hyung. Why the hell would I deliver the love of my life into the arms of a handsome stranger? Make it make sense.”
Jin blinks at him and Jungkook starts feeling afraid for some reason. Very afraid.
“You said what.”
Jungkook groans. “You already know what I said, I’m not repeating it to you.”
“Jungkook-ah,” Jin says, voice hard but not harsh, leaving no room for argument. “Namjoonie was asking you out.”
“That’s not true,” he retorts, though his voice sounds weak even to his own ears. He refuses to believe what his Jin hyung is telling him on the simple grounds that it’s just too good to be true.
Even on the off chance that he is correct in his assessment of the situation, Jungkook just wants another moment to dwell in the familiarity of hopelessness and rejection. He’s been pining for Namjoon for years and the possibility that he might want him back might be too much to bear.
As much as Jungkook wants to upgrade their relationship to the next level, he can’t help that he’s scared. Namjoon reciprocating his feelings was always the dream, but he never expected it to be a reality.
Jin must see a hint of something across his face because he himself softens.
“Regretting coming up with that plan of yours, huh? That ten step plan you said would help you get over Namjoon? Mark my words, my young bean sprout.”
Jungkook groans. “It’s a six step plan, hyung. And for your information, I’m already halfway through the entire thing. Just a little while longer and we won’t have to talk about this anymore.”
Jin fixes him with a skeptical look but otherwise doesn’t say anything. He scrutinizes Jungkook carefully though not unkindly, and Jungkook hopes that what he sees is satisfactory. He looks down at the empty bag of Banana Kicks in his hands and rolls it into a ball that he successfully shoots into the garbage.
“Come on,” Jin says as he rolls his eyes. “Put those big beautiful biceps to work and mince this garlic for me—the fate of our family dinner tonight rests in your hands.”
And when he puts it that way, who is Jungkook to refuse?
4. Go on a date with someone who isn’t Namjoon
“Hey.”
“Hey yourself,” Taehyung says, not moving from his seat at the dining table.
Jungkook swallows his pride and utters the words he never thought he’d be saying to Taehyung of all people: “I need you to set me up with someone, hyung.”
“No.”
“You didn’t even look at me! Come on hyung, please?”
“No.”
“Why not? You’re always gagging to play matchmaker and I’m giving you a chance. Literally handing it to you.”
Jungkook drops his head into his hands and debates pushing Taehyung’s hands away so he can lie down across the table comfortably.
“Jungkook-ah, I know we dropped you a lot when you were a wee baby, but come on. You really think I’m going to risk Namjoon’s wrath to get you a date? Keep dreaming, kid.” Taehyung still hasn’t looked up from his phone, and Jungkook is equal parts frustrated and confused.
“How does everything I do somehow relate back to him? There’s no reason for him to get mad at you over this, unless you hook me up with someone like Seojoon hyung.”
“What’s wrong with PSJ?” Taehyung finally takes the bait and turns to Jungkook, locking his phone and setting it face-down on the table.
Jungkook knew this would work—Taehyung’s soft spot for a certain Park Seojoon can probably be seen from space. Jimin claims that Taehyung denies his request for a threesome because he’s afraid he’ll actually fall in love with him.
“The better question is who wouldn’t get mad at you for setting me up with someone like Seojoon hyung? He’s a god amongst men. I would gauge my eyeballs out of my face for him if he asked.”
“Gross. He would never.”
“Exactly! Which is why I’m formally requesting you to set me up with someone of relatively normal handsomeness. Please.”
“No. Namjoon is going to murder me in my sleep and then cry when he realizes I can’t visit him in prison because I’m dead.”
“I think he’d like prison,” Jungkook muses. “He’d turn into that one ahjusshi from Prison Playbook or just end up reading a ton. Actually, he might love it there. I’ll miss him, though.”
“Oh my god. I hate everything about this. This is why I can’t set you up with any of my friends: because our entire friend group would fall apart and end with Namjoon in prison, me and Jiminie dying like the martyrs we are, and everyone else turning into a ragtag group of sad sacks.”
Jungkook has no idea how Taehyung managed to fit that into a single breath, but he’s always impressed by his beautiful, talented, capable hyung.
“Wait, why would you and Jiminie hyung both be dead? Who killed him?”
“If I die, Jiminie automatically dies with me. It’s a proven soulmate fact.”
“Oooookay.”
Taehyung blinks, large eyes staring into Jungkook’s soul all the while. It makes him nervous to remind Taehyung of their original topic of conversation.
“No,” Taehyung says, as if he’s read Jungkook’s mind.
“I didn’t even say anything!”
“You didn’t have to, young grasshopper. It was written all over your face. The answer’s still no—Namjoon hyung would murder me in my sleep and laugh, probably.”
Jungkook sighs loudly. No one understands his plight. Namjoon would have no qualms about him going on a date and somehow he’s the only one with enough brains to realize it.
“So I’m just existing by my lonesome self because none of the other hyungs will set me up with their friends. And now I’m here complaining about this to you because you’re the one person who doesn’t have friends so it’s not like you of all people can set me up, you know?”
Yoongi honest to god chokes on the Americano he was sipping on and glares at Jungkook. Jungkook can’t bring himself to argue with the cute little kitten hyung sitting in front of him, headband pushing blonde strands away from his face to reveal the soft face usually hidden away in a scowl. He’s so fucking cute.
It genuinely hurts Jungkook to refrain from pinching his cheeks, but even he knows that a misstep like that would actually end up hurting him.
“All I’m asking is for a date, and literally everyone’s said no!”
“Jungkook-ah. Literally what the fuck is wrong with you?”
“Hyung, leave me alone to die please. I’m just so in love with him I think I might die. And when I do that, Namjoonie hyung is going to find someone like Park Seojoon who won’t be able to love and cherish him like I could, and that would be a fucking travesty, you know?”
Jungkook hears someone choke behind him and freezes. It’s Namjoon, Jungkook can tell, and this was absolutely the worst thing to say when he fucking knew Namjoon was on his way.
He buries his face in the crook of his elbow and hears Yoongi snicker in front of him.
“He’s all yours,” is the last thing Yoongi says before Jungkook hears footsteps walking away.
There’s a rustling that moves from behind Jungkook to in front of Jungkook, and he hates that he can identify the exact coat Namjoon’s wearing from the sound alone. It’s the beautiful green puffer coat from Uniqlo that rolls into a tiny pocket that allows Namjoon to go from summer to winter in no time at all. He still remembers Namjoon’s glee when he’d managed to get it on sale last spring.
“Alright, come on, hyung. You heard the man, I’m all yours. Have at it, my king. Tell me you hate me and that you never want to see me again. I can take it.”
A snicker, followed by a gentle brush of fingers against the nape of Jungkook’s neck. It feels good, and Jungkook is shameless enough to admit it.
“I’m not going to do that, Kook.” It’s the first thing Namjoon’s said since he walked in, and Jungkook does his best to bottle up the sound in his memory in case Namjoon never wants to see him again.
“So what’s this about me dating Seojoon hyung? I think Hyungsik hyung might have an issue with that. Hell, even Taehyung would.”
Jungkook scowls into his elbow, fully aware that Namjoon can’t see him right now.
“Shut up,” Jungkook pleads. “Please.”
Namjoon is silent for a beat. “Why?”
Jungkook finally lifts his head, shoulders slumping from the prospect of Namjoon’s rejection already on his back. If the cat’s already out of the bag, it’s up to Jungkook now to tell Namjoon how he feels and quietly exit his way out of his life. He really, really doesn’t want to, though.
Namjoon is beautiful, though this itself is nothing new. Jungkook has toiled over this simple fact of life for years on end and should be immune to it. Alas, he is a mere human and a weak one at that, grasping desperately at some semblance of normalcy when all his brain does is think about how wonderful Namjoon is. All the time.
“Hey,” Namjoon says softly, leaning forward to poke a finger into Jungkook’s dimple.
Jungkook scowls. This is the exact opposite of how it’s supposed to go—it’s always Jungkook pressing happy fingers into Namjoon’s deep, deep dimples, closing his eyes and praying a quick word of thanks to the universe for allowing him the privilege.
“Look at me,” Namjoon says, smiling down at Jungkook as if he somehow holds the key to the universe in his balled up fist.
Jungkook bites the sleeve of his own puffy coat and muffles the loudest groan he can muster—he hears his barista friend Yugyeom shout something in the distance, but it doesn’t matter anymore.
He’s going to die of embarrassment. He wishes he were a wizard so he could poof back home in an instant or erase everything that’s happened in the past minute. There’s no way to come back from this without confessing his love for Namjoon, and this is the exact opposite outcome of what he’s spent the past few weeks hoping for.
Still, Jungkook owes it to his crush, his best friend, the love of his life, to be respectful enough to look him in the eye and answer the questions he’s asking. He sucks in a deep breath, ignores Namjoon’s soft chuckle, and sits up straight before finally making eye contact with Namjoon for the first time today.
“So. You said Seojoon hyung can’t love or cherish me the way you could,” Namjoon starts, voice trailing off in an obvious attempt to get Jungkook to explain.
Jungkook cannot come to the phone right now and would very much like to be excluded from this narrative, thank you.
Instead, Jungkook says this, because he’s an idiot: “Yeah, hyung. He can’t love you the way that I can since he’s dating Hyungsik hyung. Haha.”
Namjoon snickers this time and retains an echo of mirth in his eye. His lips quirk back up into a half smirk, half smile, and Jungkook wishes he had a photographic memory to keep it with him for the rest of his days.
“Since he’s dating Hyungsik hyung, huh. So you’re saying if he were single he’d love me…because that’s how you feel about me?” Namjoon pauses, voice growing serious. “Jungkook-ah, remember what we covered when we went over logic the other day? In layman’s terms, what are you trying to tell me right now?”
Jungkook swallows, knowing how this moment blows over will change things forever. He wants so badly to keep this a secret, sheer stubbornness demanding he retain his bullish conviction that he can shut down this crush on Namjoon business on his own.
But it’s been weeks and nothing’s changed.
“Jungkook-ah,” Namjoon says, voice much softer this time around, as if he’s changing his approach. “Someone said to me once that I should always tell people I love them, because how are they supposed to know otherwise? People to deserve to know that.”
Jungkook’s mouth runs dry. Now that the moment is here, Namjoon’s set it up perfectly for Jungkook to just go ahead and confess. But Namjoon beats him to the punch.
“I love you, Jungkook-ah. I love you like how Seojoon hyung loves Hyungsik hyung, but if I’m being honest, probably a lot more than that. I love you like a tree loves water, because it needs it to grow. I love you like a flower loves sunlight, because it warms it from the inside out. I love you like you’re my best friend, because you are. You make me better, you erode all the harsh lines of me that are tough for some people to swallow, then turn around and soften all my edges to help me realize that it’s okay to be soft, too. Sure I can live without you, but would I ever want to? No. Because you are my love.”
Tears spill down Jungkook’s face, and he feels like a child entering a candy store for the first time, overwhelmed with gratitude and emotion. Never in a million years would Jungkook have ever imagined that Kim Namjoon could love him, cherish him, want him.
Jungkook knows how much Namjoon loves the words of Pablo Neruda, because they are beautiful and Namjoon is a sap. But he thinks all one million and one works of Neruda would pale in comparison to the words Kim Namjoon has just gifted to Jeon Jungkook.
He says as much, and it makes his heart sing to be the source of Namjoon’s laughter this time around.
5. Be over Namjoon —> Be all over Namjoon
For all the fanfare of them getting together, nothing really changes in the day-to-day when Jungkook’s title gets upgraded from Namjoon’s friend to Namjoon’s boyfriend.
They still spend nearly all their waking time together: Namjoon helps him with his philosophy homework, Jungkook cooks for Namjoon, and Saturday mornings are reserved for lazy kisses and indulgent cuddles in front of the TV.
The only thing that really changes is that Jungkook’s now allowed to touch Namjoon as much as he wants to. There’s a bit of a learning curve as Jungkook slowly realizes that yes, each of Namjoon’s dimples are as deep as they look, and no, Namjoon doesn’t mind when Jungkook pokes curious fingers into them.
In fact, Namjoon loves it when Jungkook does just that and makes sure to tell him so every single time without fail.
If love is a multitude of languages, each so individual to the person, Jungkook wants to spend the rest of his life learning all of Namjoon’s. He hates studying anything that isn’t art, but the clean lines and systematic rules of Namjoon’s life are suddenly the most interesting things in the world.
For what it’s worth, Namjoon reminds him every day that he feels the same.
6. Fall in love with someone who isn’t Namjoon —> Fall completely head over heels in love with Namjoon
Loving Namjoon is, for the most part, easy. Other times, it’s much more difficult than anything Jungkook could’ve ever imagined. Like today, when Namjoon refuses to answer any of Jungkook’s calls or texts after leaving the house with a cryptic smile and a promise to be back later.
Eight hours later and Jungkook is half a second away from either tearing his hair out, calling the police, or going out to look for his boyfriend himself.
Namjoon’s never done this before, not in any of the years Jungkook has known him, and it scares the shit out of him to think of all the trouble Namjoon could’ve managed to get into in the course of a simple day.
They’d slept in this morning and only woken up when the sun shined its brightest rays into their eyes, and even then Jungkook had just pressed his face deeper into Namjoon’s bare chest to avoid waking up for another few minutes. He’d fallen back asleep with the smell of Namjoon’s clean, sleep-rumpled skin tainting his half-lucid dreams and awoken again to find Namjoon smiling down at him fondly.
If he’d known his plan would’ve ended up with such success, Jungkook thinks he might’ve started it earlier.
But all of that is for naught when his boyfriend has suddenly gone missing and no one has any idea where the hell he could be.
“Fuck,” Jungkook whispers to himself for the millionth time today after getting off the phone with Yoongi.
He paces back and forth in his living room, trying his hardest not to let the sinking feeling in his belly grow into something much larger. Yoongi hadn’t said anything remotely close to a sometimes he does this because that would’ve been wrong, Namjoon never does shit like this, but he had hummed and simply said he had an idea as to where Namjoon would be before hanging up.
As soon as this mess is handled, Jungkook is heading to Yoongi and Hoseok's apartment and strangling Yoongi himself, him being Hoseok's boyfriend be damned. Friendship and family mean nothing in the face of Jungkook’s pursuit for justice.
Jungkook tries not to let his mind wander but he can’t help the way it conjures up ideas of where Namjoon could be. They morph from his own insecurities of Namjoon being unhappy in their relationship and letting Jungkook go, to something awful and terrible happening to his boyfriend. Something cold travels down his spine at the thought, and Jungkook immediately clenches his fists and bites the inside of his cheek. No, he won't let his mind go there.
Sound travels fast in the stillness, so Jungkook immediately shoots up straight like an arrow when he hears rustling by his front door. As afraid as he is of an intruder at this moment in time, he can’t help the hope that buds within that this intruder is his currently missing boyfriend.
The sound of a key sliding into the lock is unmistakable. A voice calls from the landing and immediately Jungkook’s biggest fears dissipate into thin air.
“Hey babe, miss me?” Namjoon asks as he uses his newly minted key to open Jungkook’s front door. His voice is casual, as if he hadn’t seen or heard any of Jungkook’s frustrated and frantic texts and voicemails.
Jungkook immediately turns his head towards his door, refusing to believe this isn’t his mind playing tricks on him. There’s no way his boyfriend, who’s practically been missing all day, is suddenly here in the flesh, the literal answer to Jungkook’s prayers.
But no, here he is crossing the threshold and walking into the living room with a huge smile on his face, seemingly unaware to the turmoil he’s unleashed in Jungkook’s heart. His face screams of contentment and quiet happiness, and Jungkook is so fucking relieved to see him in one piece that he promptly bursts into tears, loud and ugly sobs wracking through his entire body.
Namjoon’s expression immediately turns to one of concern and he drops the bags in his hands in his haste to get to Jungkook. Shh, shh, he murmurs, wrapping his arms around Jungkook and squeezing him as tight as he can. Jungkook rests his head in the crook of his neck and tears stain the collar of Namjoon’s thin cotton t-shirt.
“Never d-do that, a-again,” Jungkook sobs, and Namjoon drops little kisses to his temples, his forehead, his nose, in apology.
Jungkook’s boyfriend is back in Jungkook’s home, touching Jungkook with his very real hands and running them up and down his back in the most comforting of gestures.
Jungkook pounds loose fists into Namjoon’s chest as he cries, all the tensions and fears from the past few hours hitting him head-on like a freight train.
“Babe, what’s wrong?” Namjoon deigns to ask, and Jungkook sobs even harder at the question. Everything Jungkook does, everything Jungkook says, is important to Namjoon, and Jungkook is wondering how on earth he ended up dating the best person he knows.
Namjoon hums quietly and leads Jungkook to the couch, gently bringing a hand to his waist as he makes to sit them both down. Jungkook continues to cry and Namjoon continues to murmur softly, never once stopping the way he runs his hand up and down Jungkook's back.
“Never do that again,” Jungkook repeats, this time with hiccups interrupting the flow of his sentences. “Never disappear like that again without answering your phone, Joon, please. I thought you—“ Jungkook cuts off with another sob at the mere mention of what he’d thought, his brain reminding him of all the possibilities of where he thought Namjoon could be, terrifying and awful and all.
“Hey, hey, babe. I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to worry you, but I did and I’m sorry. I’m here. I’m safe in one piece. I’ll always come back to you.”
Jungkook rests his forehead on Namjoon’s shoulder, trying his best to even out his breathing and stop the flow of tears falling from his eyes. Namjoon is here. Namjoon is safe. Namjoon's presence is the foundation Jungkook rests on, grounding and comforting all in one. When Namjoon is with him, Jungkook can do anything and everything.
“Promise me.”
“I promise,” Namjoon answers immediately, and the way he nearly gasps with how desperately he needs to get his words out has Jungkook wondering if he's reassuring him of the weight and influence he holds in Namjoon’s life, too.
“For as long as I shall live, I promise that you will always know my whereabouts. I vow to you that no matter what, I will always do my best to come home to you in one piece.”
And Jungkook’s heart leaps into his throat because the words that Namjoon’s just put into the world—those are serious.
Jungkook pulls away to assess Namjoon with bleary eyes, and it isn’t surprising in the least to see the conviction written in the way his brows furrow or the way his mouth pulls into a thin line. Namjoon means every single word and it shows.
“Joon,” Jungkook intones, and Namjoon’s face lights up into a smile so bright that it hurts Jungkook’s eyes to look at, a little. Still he fights the urge to look away and instead continues looking directly at Namjoon, unafraid of getting burned.
Namjoon bites his lip and continues looking at Jungkook full on as if speaking through his eyes. He reaches in his pocket for something and Jungkook gasps when he feels Namjoon take his own hand and drop something smooth and velvety into it.
It’s a jewelry box, something flat and wide and fitting perfectly into the palm of Jungkook’s hand. He doesn’t know where it came from or what it is, but he looks to Namjoon and sets about trying to open it as soon as the older man nods.
And oh. The box opens with a snap and that’s…that’s a necklace if Jungkook’s ever seen one before. The chain is thin and dainty, shimmering a soft gold under the light. The pendent on it though, hanging right at the center, is a gold band with a thin line of something shimmery and beautiful running through it—Jungkook is sure it’s mother of pearl from the way it reminds him of his parents’ various lacquered furniture at home.
Jungkook looks up at Namjoon with questions in his eyes, and Namjoon smiles shyly back at him.
“I…I saw someone selling this ring online last night and bought it without thinking,” Namjoon admits, scratching his head in embarrassment. Jungkook isn’t sure what on earth there is to be embarrassed about when he’s just gifted Jungkook with what might be the best gift he’s ever received.
“They were all the way in Sokcho, though, so I took one of the first buses out there this morning and met up with this nice older lady who sold it to me. She said it was a gift from her husband years before they’d gotten married, and that he’d gotten it for her as a promise ring.
“And so I started freaking out a little, right? I was out by the coast thinking for a little bit before the bus was scheduled to come back to Seoul, with this fucking ring in my hand, thinking about how much I love you. How much I want to be with you. How it’s only been a few months since we started dating, but already I’m sure that you’re the one I want to spend my whole life with.”
Jungkook gasps and clutches at Namjoon’s hand but doesn’t say anything, too in shock to do anything but gape at his boyfriend.
Namjoon doesn’t meet his eyes for a moment, trying to find his words, but when he does he looks confident and free, shy smile making its presence known at the corners of his lips before he continues his story.
“The ring itself is a little small, which is why I had to stop at a jeweler on the way home to grab a chain in case you’d want to wear it that way. I didn’t get much signal by the water, and then my phone died on the way back, which is why I didn’t see your texts. I’m sorry I worried you,” Namjoon says sheepishly.
Jungkook squeezes at his hand and nods for him to keep going.
“As you probably already deduced, this ring is a promise of my love to you. It’s a promise that I’ll continue to stand by your side, listen without complaint when you’re upset about work, and continually root for you in everything that you do. I know I’m graduating soon and you’re not too far behind, so this is a promise that even when things are changing and nothing makes sense, we’ll always have each other to lean on. I promise to fight with you through the thick and thin, and to value your dreams as highly as my own.”
Tears flow freely down Jungkook’s face, except now they’re tears of overwhelming joy rather than tears of worry and sorrow.
“It’s a promise that one day I might propose to you, or if it’s the other way around, it’s the promise that I’ll say yes because it’d make me the happiest man on earth to marry you, Jeon Jungkook,” Namjoon finishes with a smile, so easy and confident in his love for Jungkook.
It makes Jungkook’s heart burst in a rainbow of color and a myriad of emotions he wouldn’t be able to put names to if he tried. Jungkook wants to give Namjoon everything, his everything, but he can’t put any of it into words to show his boyfriend how much he means to him.
He nods and Namjoon’s face splits with absolute elation, delighted at Jungkook’s answer.
Jungkook sticks out the hand holding Namjoon’s promises in its palm in a silent question. Namjoon picks up on it right away and takes the jewelry box back to pull out the necklace. In his hands, it's so beautiful it makes Jungkook's heart hurt the tiniest bit. Namjoon’s thin, nimble fingers easily find the clasp before patting Jungkook on the shoulder to turn to face away from him.
Jungkook always loves Namjoon’s skin on his own, but this time screams of an intimacy and reverence akin only to Namjoon’s ability to pull Jungkook apart using solely his mouth and his hands. Even with his back to Namjoon, Jungkook can feel the way his boyfriend so gently works to close the loop around Jungkook’s neck. For something holding so much weight, the necklace itself is light where it sits around Jungkook’s neck, nothing like the albatross of old.
Namjoon is giving so much of himself in one small gesture, offering so much for Jungkook to trample on if he wanted to, so instead Jungkook turns and reaches for Namjoon’s face with trembling hands. They cup around Namjoon’s narrow chin and sturdy jaw like the petals of a tiger lily, and Jungkook realizes the privilege it is to witness Namjoon blossom.
He leans forward to press his forehead against Namjoon’s and smiles when their eyelashes brush against the other’s skin.
“I love you,” Jungkook whispers against Namjoon’s lips.
“I love you too,” Namjoon says, except this time Jungkook feels it not in his ears or even his eyes, but stamped across the inside of his mouth, around his neck, and inside his heart.
Loving Namjoon is, for the most part, easy. And it’s the selfsame little things that make Jungkook hate him sometimes, that in turn carve out the well for him to love Namjoon even more. He doesn’t think it’ll ever run dry.