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I'm the kind of guy who likes routines. Knowing that I'll sleep in until 10am every Saturday, before a leisurely brunch whole wheat toast and maybe some fresh melon. It was a good routine too, until early one Saturday morning when I stumbled downstairs to answer the door and found Nick standing on my front porch, holding a baby.
If anyone can destroy a perfectly good routine, it's Nick Carter. Let's face it, it's of the reasons we broke up.
"What are you doing?" I might have sounded upset, but in my defense, I was pretty annoyed. I'm not exactly fond of ex-boyfriends appearing at my front door. Not that anyone else had ever tried. Trust Nick to be a trendsetter.
The baby sucks in a giant gulp of air, paused, then screams loud enough their entire head turns red.
"Kevin, you've got to help me." Nick says desperately.
**********
Nick gingerly sets the baby down on my couch, where it continues to wail.
"Are you sure it's yours?" I ask.
Nick manages to look even more miserable. "Probably. She definitely could be. Her mom was pretty sure."
The baby screams some more, while Nick and I stand and watch. "How do I make her stop?" Nick asks, finally.
I don't know why he thinks I'm going to know. I don't have any kids. I don't even have any younger brothers or sisters.
The baby continues to cry, and eventually it brings Lance downstairs. He's definitely not happy, but I'm not really sure if it's because of the baby or because of my ex-boyfriend. Could go either way.
"We don't know how to make her stop." Nick explains sheepishly.
Lance stares down over the back of the couch for a moment. "Have you fed it?"
"Oh." Nick says thoughtfully.
**********
In the kitchen, out of Nick's hearing range, Lance folds his arms across his chest. "I can't believe this, Kevin. Why are you getting sucked back into all his drama? You know it's not going to end well."
"We'll be fine," I say stubbornly. "He's just freaking out a little bit."
Lance rolls his eyes. "I'm not worried about him. He's an idiot who shouldn't have ever been allowed to reproduce and deserves what he gets. At least when he was fucking you, there was no chance of his fathering offspring. The poor kid doesn't really get a choice, does she?"
I ignore him and concentrate on spreading peanut butter across my toast. Lance is right, it won't end well, but I can't help myself. When it comes to Nick, sometimes I just can't say no.
"Also," Lance continues. "Why would he think two gay men know anything about babies?"
**********
Nick's driving hasn't improved since the last time I was in a car with him. I brace my feet against the floorboards and glance nervously at the car seat in the back as Nick darts between two cars and across three lanes of traffic without signaling to exit the freeway.
"So, you've got a new boyfriend, huh?" He says finally.
I look over at him. Am I really supposed to answer that?
He continues without a response. "I'm not surprised. He's basically me, but not as good looking." He guns the engine to run a yellow light. Lance was right on this one, Nick should never have been allowed even a chance to procreate.
"No," I correct patiently. "He's nothing like you. Which is kind of the point."
"Yeah, whatever." Nick laughs.
Right. The second reason Nick and I broke up? He's pretty much an asshole most of the time.
**********
Nick lives in a tiny little beach house a couple blocks from the marina. The house must have been a disturbing shade of lime green at one point, but has since faded to something only slightly resembling green.
AJ is sitting on the front steps, smoking. Of course, he doesn't bother to get up and help unpack baby supplies or the baby itself from the car. "Dude," he says to Nick. "What's up with the kid?"
"Apparently, she's mine." Nick says bitterly. "Pam left her last night before running off to LA."
"That is so lame, man."
AJ is the bassist in Nick's band. They've had a series of lead guitarists over the years, and are usually limited to playing gigs at at couple of local bars, but they both take the band very seriously. Another reason we broke up, actually.
"Hey." AJ says. "I bet my mom will babysit."
**********
Nick decides to call the baby Mandy. This results in Nick and AJ belting out the choruses to every Barry Manilow song they can think of. I check the formula and diaper supplies and coax Nick's ancient washing machine into washing blankets and tiny pajamas.
"Yeah, there's no way my Mom is babysitting for you." AJ says. "She said it was bad enough still having to babysit her twenty-something year old son who won't move out and then I think she said some other stuff about getting a job or school or something, but I had pretty much stopped listening."
"You should get a job." Nick says. "All the baby stuff is eating into my band money."
"We don't even have a guitarist since Justin threw a fucking hissy fit and quit." AJ points out. "He was an asshole anyway."
"Don't swear in front of the baby." Nick says.
**********
Over a vegetarian lunch at my favorite downtown cafe, my cousin Brian narrows his eyes at me. "Okay, why do you have so many questions about babies, anyway? Something you and Lance need to share with the rest of the family?"
"It's not Lance." I admit. "It's Nick. This girl he slept with gave him their baby before she headed off to California. I've been kind of helping out the last couple weeks."
"Wow." Brian says.
"You know, just until Nick figures out what he's doing. Besides, she's pretty cute. I think she's starting to recognize me." I explain. I'm pretty sure she smiled at me the other day.
"Wow." Brian repeats. "Kevin? I don't even know where to start. This is a really bad idea."
Oh, I am already aware that Nick Carter is a really bad idea.
**********
Nick's front door is usually unlocked, and I let myself in. Nick is on the phone, sprawled across the half of the couch that isn't covered in laundry. Mandy is in the playpen that barely fits next to Nick's kitchen table. She squeaks happily at me when I lean over to say hello.
Nick snaps his phone shut and sighs heavily.
"What?" I ask. "Lose another guitarist?"
He scrunches his nose at me. "Nice. It was Aaron. Mom's fighting with him about something again. It didn't really make any sense, but it never does, I guess."
"Right." I lean into the playpen to hand Mandy a terrycloth stuffed toy.
"I don't know." Nick says thoughtfully. "Maybe I shouldn't keep her. I mean, look at me. Look at my parents. She doesn't really stand a chance, does she?"
**********
"Seriously?" Lance says, looking at the cover of the book I'm reading. "You're reading about how to take care of his kid?"
Truth is, I'm reading up because I'm getting kind of attached to Mandy. It must be some kind of Carter gene that I can't resist.
Lance rolls over and props himself up on his elbows. "I'll blow you if you put the book away." He offers mischievously.
"Go ahead." I say, deadpan. "I can still read during a blowjob."
Lance huffs and flops back over onto his back.
"What? That was a joke!"
"Right. Unfortunately, I only blow people who are actually funny."
**********
"This is really nice of you." Nick says, setting Mandy's diaper bag down on my couch. He looks around the condo. "Your boyfriend isn't going to bitch you out for this?"
"Yeah." I say slowly. "We broke up." The weird thing was, it wasn't even because of Nick. Well, it might have been a little bit, but Lance met this dog trainer guy and that was that.
"Oh." Nick shifts awkwardly. "Sorry."
"So, a second job, huh?" I change the subject.
"Yeah. Bartending a few nights a week. Kids are expensive, I don't make enough at the marina."
"So I guess this means the band has to cut back?"
Nick rolls his eyes. "Actually, the band is on hiatus. AJ had to go to school or his Mom was going to kick him out, so now he doesn't have any time to rehearse and he has homework and stuff."
"Too bad."
"Yeah, it kind of sucks."
**********
I have a new routine now, where Mandy comes over to my place for a few evenings a week while Nick bartends in nicer places than his band ever played. Mandy and I play peekaboo and read books and she giggles when I tickle her and blow raspberries on her stomach.
Nick usually stops by around midnight to pick her up. I help him move everything back out to his car, and then he heads home. It would really make more sense to just keep stuff at my place, but neither one of us are willing to commit to that quite yet.
"Thanks." Nick says quietly one night when we're standing next to his car. We're standing pretty close, and he moves in even closer for a minute and our eyes lock, before he steps back and gets in the car. I'm not going to lie, I'm a little bit disappointed.
**********
The more I think about it, the more I decide that dragging Mandy's stuff back and forth every day is silly. "Nick, we should talk." I say one night as we're gathering the scattered toys and trying to find Mandy's missing sock.
Nick raises his eyebrows at me, but doesn't say anything.
"We've been doing this for over a month now." I start slowly. "Maybe it would make more sense to just leave some of this here. I mean, she'll be back tomorrow night."
"Sure." Nick says easily. He moves and sits down next to me on the couch. "Kevin? I miss you."
"What do you mean?" I ask stupidly. "You see me all the time."
"That's not what I meant." Nick leans in again, and this time when our eyes meet, he doesn't move away.
**********
"Kevin. Get up." Nick nudges me through the blanket. More of a shove, really. "We're going to the aquarium. Get up."
I pull the pillow over my head. "It's Saturday. I like to sleep in on Saturday."
"Aquarium!" Nick repeats, half-singing it. "Come on, it'll be fun! We can see the dolphins. Mandy's never seen dolphins."
"Want to sleep in." I repeat stubbornly, before pulling the pillow off my head and propping myself up on one elbow. "Besides, she's too young to remember anything from the aquarium anyway."
"You don't know that." Nick protests. He hands me a piece of toast coated in peanut butter. "Eat your breakfast. Let's go!"