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It started with Alumi kissing Hana one day the three of them were together. Were they by the cemetery or at the inn? Were they studying or just relaxing? The memory seemed to be clouded.
However, Yohane does remember how absolutely shocking it was to see them being so intimate with one another in front of him. He felt like he shouldn’t be there witnessing such a moment, but he couldn’t look away.
He also remembers how he wanted to be swallowed whole by the earth the minute Hana opened his eyes and looked at him as he was kissing his fiance. He looked away and almost robotically walked out of wherever they were at the moment. He remembers getting home and going straight to bed to avoid any further intrusive thoughts.
The minute he woke up, he had the instant urge to cover his face in the covers and hoped they would transport him somewhere else where his mind wasn’t absolutely cluttered with images of his two dearest friends kissing. Is he envious? He doesn’t think so. Is he happy? Yes. He’s happy Hana and Alumi are… friendly with one another, after everything that they’ve been through. But there’s something else he can’t quite pinpoint, but he knows that if he shakes his head hard enough he starts feeling dizzy and that distracts him from these feelings.
It wears off a day or two later and now he knows he’s jealous. But of whom?
The next time he saw Alumi lean on Hana to kiss him, Yohane wasn’t so shy about his curiosity. He stared at them long and hard, and when Alumi pulled away he arranged his glasses and asked the first thing that came to his mind.
“How does it feel?”
The sound that comes out of Hana doesn’t sound human and Alumi knows he probably choked on his own tongue. There’s shouting about not asking inappropriate questions, and there’s a lot of stuttering and mumbling too. He doesn't think he's ever seen Hana so red.
Yohane’s first reaction after hearing himself splurt out such a question is to cover his face with his hands, there was no rescue from this embarrassment. It was absolute. Torture. Utter humiliation. The memory would be seared into his brain forever, ready to pop up and torment him whenever he’s in a quiet moment.
He hears shuffling of clothes coming closer to him and he’s paralized when he looks up to find Alumi arranging herself to be sitting next to him. He expects the worst but is met with a smile instead and his stomach drops.
“You’ve never kissed anyone?”
Yohane could feel how all his blood was rushing to his ears and he couldn’t bear to look at either of his friends, so he stares at his hands as he clumsily plays with his fingers. He shouldn’t have asked, he knows he's going to get mocked, like he usually is whenever he's genuinely curious about something.
“Imagine a hug but better, right Hana?” her tone is calm and she places one of her hands on his leg. She's so close to him that he can feel her warm breath on him as she spoke.
“What are you doing?” Hana mouths at Alumi, making sure Yohane can't hear or see him.
“Do you trust me?” she whispers back and all Hana can do is shrug his shoulders, and whisper a not very convincing ‘I guess’ .
She pulls her hand to his cheek and he finds himself surprised it isn't cold. He always imagined her as having cold hands and Hana being the warm one. Maybe it was the opposite. Maybe they were both warm. She carres his cheek with her thumb and the sudden taste of honey overcomes him when he realises her soft lips were against his own.
She kisses him gently, carefully, softly enough so he doesn't get startled. They often coddled him, he knew, and he's glad he doesn't feel so tense anymore, it surprises him how stiff he had been the whole time. He feels her smile against his lips and Alumi chuckles lightly as she puts her forehead to his.
As they part Yohane is left speechless, flushed and mumbling questions and a million apologies. He looks up and both Hana and Alumi are smiling, and there's a look of complicity between both of them. He expects a smacking from Hana that never arrives, instead he takes his hand and Yohane is glad he was right, he's also very warm.
He knows he'll spent the next couple of days replaying what happened over and over again, but for now and for the first time in a long time, he feels safe.