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Jo could tell something was wrong with her husband. Most of the times, she just let him be. He sometimes knew how to deal with his problems by himself and was never ashamed to ask her for help if he needed it. Sometimes he would ask her for advice or he would simply talk to her about whatever it was that was bothering him if it was important for him to know her input on the predicament, so she knew she didn’t have to force him to tell her what was going on. Still, she felt like she had to ask him what was happening, specially after he turned down Meredith’s invitation to have dinner at her house to celebrate after the trial.
“Are you sure everything is okay? This is supposed to be a happy day, Alex. Meredith won. She is not going to lose her license. This is a “best case scenario” kind of thing. We should be celebrating, and you’re walking around like a terrorist attack is about to happen” Jo said as she watched him make his way out of the bathroom and sigh loudly. She moved closer to him and rubbed her hand up and down his arm.
“Can we talk for a second?” Alex said, steam from the shower making its way out of the bathroom.
Jo could see that there was something bothering him over the previous days. She thought for sure he was just anxious about the whole trial thing, but thought it was weird that his mannerisms didn’t change at all after things worked out just the way they wanted them to. She grew nervous, but still urged him to keep talking like it was no big deal. “Sure. Food will be here in ten” she smiled, turning the tv off and sitting on the couch.
Alex smiled back at her, taking in how beautiful she looked even after a stressful day full of ups and downs. “You’re gorgeous” he said, sitting by her side on the couch and intertwining his fingers with hers. “You know I love you, right? That nothing in the world will ever change that?” he kissed her hand, a hint of worry in his voice.
Jo was curious to learn what was going on, but she couldn’t pretend anxiety wasn’t growing in her head when she realized that Alex was probably about to drop a bomb on her lap. She knew her husband too well. Different thoughts were running a full marathon in her mind and they frightened her more than she cared to admit. “Yeah. And you know you got me just as much as I got you, right?” Jo replied.
Alex gave her a lopsided smile and pulled her a bit closer, kissing her hair and smelling her in before looking deep into her eyes. “So, a few weeks ago, Nancy got in touch with me asking for a favor. When this whole trial thing started, I reached out to her offering some help, anything she needed to help Mer out of that mess” he started to talk.
“I know. We all did that, remember?” Jo chuckled nervously.
“Yeah. So, she called me and shared with me the idea of the letters. She told me to call as many people as I could, the more the better, so I got in touch with everybody we ever worked with, Izzie included” he said. Immediately, he could see the way Jo’s head started spinning, but he needed to keep going if he ever wanted to get to the end of that. “She used the embryos, Jo” he let go of the information that had been killing him for the past few days.
“Oh my god, Alex” Jo managed to say.
“She had twins, Alexis and Eli. They live in a farm in Kansas with her. I don’t even know how I’m feeling right now. How I am supposed to feel. I don’t know what to do, Jo” Alex admitted.
“Did you talk to her about it? Does she want you to be in their lives? Do you want us to have them in ours?” she questioned him. Little did she know that two of the words she said almost instinctively soothed him in a big way.
“Would you like to have them in our lives?” he asked.
“If you do... As I said, you got me” she caught her tears on her cheeks with a smile full of pain across her face.
“I don’t know. They sound so happy. I know they don’t need me, but I don’t know if I’ll be able to live with myself if I’m not in their lives in some way. I am their father, Jo. I’m a father” he cried.
Jo was just as lost as he was. She had all these big plans. She was going to make him a father someday. They were supposed to do it together, and all of a sudden, her plans came crashing down. She was hurting in a way she thought she was never going to hurt again. After a lifetime of pain and unmade plans coming into fruition, having the mother-daughter reunion a few months before being the cherry on top of the cake, she thought nothing could make her feel that way again, and yet, there she was. Having her plans and dreams yanked out of her future in such as unexpected way made her feel lost, but she knew that she had to step up and be the wife her husband needed her to be. “If you want to take over this role, you have my support. No matter what” she rubbed his leg.
Alex smiled at her, realizing what he thought wasn’t possible was happening right before his eyes: he loved her even more than he did when the day started. “Thank you, Jo. I told her I’d talk to you, and we would both fly there if you were okay with it. And before you say anything, I need you by my side if I am going to do this. Will you go there with me to meet them?” Alex asked.
“Sure. We’ll go to Kansas” she gave him a half smile.
He pulled her into a tight hug. “I love you, Jo” he whispered. They stayed in each other’s arms until they heard the ringing sound that announced their food was there.
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They were finally there, in the middle of nowhere, standing in front of Izzie’s door. They could hear the kids screaming from the inside. It sounded like they were arguing about something, but neither of them could tell what they were saying. That made them laugh. They were nervous, and their hearts were open to whatever was waiting for them on the other side of that door.
“Are you ready?” Jo asked him
Alex grabbed her hand like it was his lifeline before nodding. “Yeah” he let out in a breath.
Jo rang the doorbell, and a song started playing. She couldn’t help but remember the time Alex talked about Izzie with her. She was about to meet her husband’s first wife, the mother of his children. That was more than enough to make her apprehensive about the situation.
They heard footsteps getting closer to the door before it opened, setting free a strong smell of baked goods. Alex was kind of shocked. They had talked on the phone over the previous weeks, but seeing Izzie made him feel a little dizzy. Good thing Jo’s hand was right where he put it. It made him feel safe and reminded him that things were going to be fine, no matter what. He had her. She wasn’t going anywhere.
“Hello, you two” Izzie smiled.
“Izzie. How have you been?” Alex greeted her.
“I’m good, thanks for asking” she said, preppy as ever before turning to Jo. “You must be Josephine” she said.
“Yeah. But you can call me Jo. Nice to meet you” she managed to say through the nervousness.
“Well, nice to meet you too, Jo. Come on in. They’re in the kitchen fighting over the cookies we’re baking” she rolled her eyes, guiding them into the house.
“Your house is beautiful” Jo said.
“Thank you. The perks of living in a small town” she smiled to the other woman before noticing their hands, fidgeting with each other’s fingers. “Look, I know you’re both probably really nervous. So am I. More nervous than I’ve been in years, to be honest, but I really believe we can make it work” she said, stopping in the middle of the hallway.
“This is a pretty big deal. Do they know?” Alex asked.
“Yeah. We’ll get to talk more through the day, but they do. I’ve been preparing them, and they know who you are. The two of you” she said.
“Mommy” they heard a little voice calling from the end of the hallway.
“We’re coming, sweetie” Izzie said out loud. “We’ll be fine” she said to the couple, breaking the physical barrier between them and giving a reassuring squeeze to Jo’s arm.
They walked into the kitchen and saw the two of them with big smiles looking at them. The five people just told there for a moment, looking at each other, not really knowing what else to do.
Alex could tell the boy looked almost exactly like him, and the girl looked a lot like Izzie, but had a bunch of Karev features that reminded him of his sister and his mother as well. His mind was racing, and so was Jo’s. That was the moment that their world was really turned upside down, but their fingers that were still intertwined served as a reminder that, no matter what, they had each other.
——————————————
They were both too tired to function when they got back home from the trip that changed their lives. During the week they spent in Kansas, they both had their hearts stolen unexpectedly by tiny people they didn’t even know existed until a month before the trip took place. Meeting the twins was a wild ride that gave them the most bittersweet feelings. Jo’s soul felt a bit more peaceful once she met them. In a moment of mindfulness during their flight there, she realized that she was never gonna be able to change the situation. He had kids with someone else. She was never going to be able to make him a father because he already was one, but she could give those kids the love she wished she has received from anyone when she was their age. They didn’t need it, they had a mother who loved them, but if he was going to do it, so was she, and Jo was going to do it right, the way she would expect someone in her position to treat her own kids.
Alex, on the other hand, was hit in a harder way. He fell in love with his children the moment his eyes landed on them. Seeing those two tiny people who were half him was a surreal experience for him. They were just so clever and happy. They made him feel proud, but at the same time, a lot of bittersweet feelings came up. It was not their fault, and he knew that, so he bottled them up and decided to deal with those later.
He was a father. A father of two all of a sudden. How insane was that? He smiled just thinking about that, while Jo drove back from the airport. He wanted so bad to take a shower and call it a day, even though it was only 6:30pm, but Jo had other plans. “What are you doing? This is not the right way home” he pointed out when she took an unexpected left turn.
“I know you’re tired in every way possible. I’m exhausted too, but this will be good for us. Trust me on this one” she smiled at him.
“I knew I should be the one driving. Why are you driving anyways?” Alex complained.
“Come on, Alex. We will be home in less than a couple hours. I promise you’re gonna feel better” Jo sighed.
“I’m not even feeling bad. Why do I need to feel better?” he grunted.
“Oh, sure. Say that to all those feelings you’re hiding in there” she moved her index finger up and down pointing at him while keeping her eyes on the road. “We’re almost there. Quit complaining” she commanded. Jo knew exactly what he needed. She had taken him to that same batting cage when he was lost in his own emotions before, and it worked like a charm, so she hoped it worked out fine this time again.
“Ohh, I see where you’re taking me” Alex shot her a smile when he realized what was going on.
“Yeah. But I will join you this time. We both have some feelings we need to release” she said as she parked the car.
Alex pulled her closer to him and kissed her lips. “I love you so much, Josephine Karev. Speaking of your full name, I have yet to get used to it. It astonishes me to think you agreed to marry me” he smiled, unbuckling the seat belt as they made their way out of the car and into the place.
“It hasn’t been that long since it happened officially, so I have to give you some credit” Jo said, making him chuckle.
They paid for the time they were going to spend there, grabbed their bats and their helmets and made their way into the cage. Jo put Alex’s helmet on and adjusted it. “You know the drill, right? Don’t hold your feelings and thoughts in” she said before putting her own helmet on.
“Yeah. I’m just so mad at everything and everyone” he admitted, turning the machine on and swinging the bat around. His wife knew him so well, he thought. Nothing else would make him release his anger like this. Maybe wrestling, but he wasn’t about to take his wife to the ground.
Jo turned the other machine on and did the same thing he was doing. “Go on” she said, hitting her first ball. That impressed Alex, who looked at her in shock. “I used to be quite good in high school. I just thought I was gonna be rustier” she shrugged, making him laugh.
“You’re amazing. And I’m so freaking frustrated, Jo. Just thinking about them makes me so mad because I already love them so much” he began ranting. “They are so awesome, and I can’t help but see myself in them. Eli, he looks just like me, and I already know that Alexis’s brain works in the same way mine does. But how could I have missed so much? They aren’t babies or even toddlers anymore. They go to school, Jo. They’re learning how to read and how to put two and two together. They know a bunch of stuff, and I wasn’t there to see any of it” he said, hitting every ball that was coming his way. He was on a streak.
“Yeah, but now you are. And it wasn’t your fault” she said.
“Except it was. I chose to let them go. I signed them away when I got divorced” Alex said, missing the first ball after hitting more than a dozen in a row. He looked at her and could see she was releasing some of her own feelings as well. He wondered if she needed to vocalize them, but he knew she would do it if she had to. During the previous year, his wife learned to take better care of herself in a beautiful way.
“I never thought she was going to use them. I mean, how could she? She should have at least gotten in touch with me. She had five years to do that. Six, almost, if you count those nine months as well. And she never called to let me know. Not even once. I was the one who had to get in touch with her to find out I have two kids, Jo” he added.
“It’s not her fault, Alex. She could have gotten in touch with you, but she didn’t have to. You signed those papers cause you wanted to. She had the right to have them and not tell you about them, but you’re in their lives now. You have kids now and you get to be their father” Jo said with a hint of pain in her voice. He was a father, but she wasn’t a mother. He was a father to someone else’s children.
“I could have been there from the beginning. I would have. I would figure a way out to make it work. I’d go back and forth, I don’t know. I just never thought she would use them. I never even thought she was gonna be able to use them because I thought she was dead” he began to sweat. “I thought she was dead, but she was alive and well raising my kids I didn’t even know about. I must be a stupid moron for forgetting that possibility. I wanna hit myself with this damn bat” he grunted.
“Hit those balls instead. That’s what we’re here for” Jo said, eyes focused on her machine.
“And you... It makes me feel even worse to know I am putting you through this. You’re this amazing woman who deserves a lifetime of dreams coming true, and I dare to put you through this? I just... ughh. You don’t deserve any of this, Jo. And yet, look at you. You bring me to this place so I can feel better about everything. You’re always thinking about others and this is how I pay you back?” he dropped the bat and started walking towards her. “I swear to god, Jo. I would have done everything differently if I knew you were gonna have to pay this high of a price for my actions” he grabbed her hands, thanking the guy who turned the machines off with an acknowledging nod.
“Alex, I’m am going to be fine. You don’t have to worry about me” she looked into his eyes with a smile, removing their helmets.
“But you don’t deserve to suffer, Jo” he blinked back his tears.
“You shouldn’t blame yourself for everything. There are some things you just cannot change, and this is one of them. It feels great to say it out loud, talk about our feelings, but realistically, it is not going to take us anywhere. We have this huge unexpected thing right in front of us and there is nothing we can do about it. We will have to build our life around it from now on, but we can’t let it dominate our lives. We’re going to be okay. And I’m not suffering, Alex. Not because of this” Jo said.
“What’s hurting you then? Whatever it is, I’m gonna fix it. I’ll fix it. I don’t want you to hurt any more than you already have” he put her hair behind her ears.
“You wanna keep trying? Or do you prefer to take a break? Cause I’ll understand if you do”. It was now her turn to try to hold back her tears, but she didn’t succeed.
“What are you talking about?” he asked. He knew what she was asking, but it took his brain a second to understand why she was asking him that. Of course he wanted to keep trying. Wasn’t that obvious?
“For a baby. Do you still want to have a baby with me? You already have two of your own” she gave him a watery smile.
“Jo, this changes nothing. Not a single thing. Well, I can’t really say that, because it does. If it didn’t, we wouldn’t have two five year olds at our place three weeks from today, but their existence doesn’t change a single plan of ours, okay? We’re going to keep trying and having fun while we’re at it and soon you will wake me up in the middle of the night making me drive around to buy you a bag of hot Cheetos cause ‘our baby will want that’. And then you will get this cute belly and we’re gonna have a tiny Karev in our arms, and we will do this as many times as you want. Who cares if I end up with half a dozen children? We might need to buy a bigger house than we originally intended, but I meant it when I said we’re gonna have a family, Jo. I want to have babies with you. I still want it all with you as much as I did before I learned about the twins, if not more. So yeah, I want to keep trying. And I can’t wait to do it all from the beginning by your side” he pulled her into his chest, rubbing her back lovingly. From that moment on, they knew they were going to get through this the way they always got through the rough times: together