Work Text:
The Hardest Request
“What is it? What did you see?”
Jasper’s voice cut through her trance, forcing her to come back to herself. Her glassy eyes refocused on her surroundings as she looked around.
Only then did she notice that one of his hands was still resting on her shoulder. Not that this surprised her; she was used to it by now, relying on him to safely guide her through labyrinths of obstacles while she was in the middle of yet another vision.
Jasper never had to use much force to move her around, mostly because they were so in synch, so well attuned to each other after having been together for so long. A slight tap against her shoulder blade with two of his fingers was usually enough to get her to step forward instinctively. His other hand was guiding her elbow – steering her in the right direction – as he led her through the building, making sure she didn’t crash into one of the walls. At some point during the last half-hour, he must have checked in at the hotel, because he was holding the key card for their room in one of his hands.
Alice had insisted they get a room, although Jasper had originally been against the suggestion. The point he had tried to make was that, after all, they had no time to lose.
And while Alice agreed with that, she also wanted to feel – somewhat – human again, for a few, short hours at least. For the past few weeks, they had been gathering witnesses all around North and South America and had hardly ever stopped to even think about things like taking a shower, changing, or washing their clothes.
Oh, how she longed for a hot, cleansing shower.
The touch of his hands guiding her through the narrow hallways brought her attention back to the present. It also reminded her that she had no recollection of how they got here. Getting out of the taxi, entering the hotel, checking in; it was all nothing but a blur in her memory.
Jasper’s hands were still resting on her back and elbow, regardless of the fact that it was unnecessary to guide her anymore; her mind and focus were here with him now, in the present.
“Alice?”
His voice was demanding, and she knew why: he could feel her agitation as well as she felt it herself; only he didn’t know what the cause for it was.
“Wait a second,” she told him, and he closed his mouth again, nodding. He had stopped questioning her decisions – and instructions – a long time ago.
Thus, neither of them was surprised when a young couple came around the corner, walking in their direction. They remained quiet until the man and woman had passed them. Both of the vampires held their breaths. They hadn’t hunted for a while; Alice knew they would have to, and soon.
Then, once the humans had disappeared behind the closing elevator doors, Jasper spoke again.
“This is it.”
He pointed at the door next to them and held the key card against the implemented card reader. The light switched from red to green. Jasper pushed the door open and guided her inside, his hands still on her body.
They both smelled the washed-off blood as soon as they stepped into the hotel room. Immediately, Alice cast a worried side-glance at her husband, but he seemed distracted. His pitch-black eyes scanned the rooms for potential threats – as he always did – before coming to rest on her again. She knew he was still expecting an answer, but she’d already seen where this conversation would go and wasn’t too keen on it.
“Is this bothering you? We can ask for another room if it’s…”
“It’s fine,” he interrupted before she could continue.
Jasper had been with her for too many years to be so easily distracted.
Alice sighed before pulling away from him.
She crossed the room and sat down on the edge of the bed, pulling her legs up. Examining the room herself now, she found nothing unusual. It was a standard hotel room – except for the smell – with a patterned carpet, two nightstands with an alarm clock and two bedside lamps, a minibar – which would remain unopened -, as well as a table with pamphlets for nearby takeout restaurant recommendations.
“Do you think someone got murdered in here?” Her strangely constrained voice made it obvious that she was still trying to deflect.
Jasper frowned. She could feel the irritation seeping out of him; right now, he wasn’t making an effort to hold back or control his emotions, he was just letting her feel everything.
He only did this when he was either annoyed or impatient, and Alice sighed again, already giving in.
“Fine.” She motioned him to come over, which he did. It only took him two steps to cross the room, his legs so much longer than hers.
However, instead of sitting down on the bed next to her, he crouched down right in front of her, taking her small hands into his. This way their eyes were almost on the same level; only now, he was the one slightly looking up at her.
“It’s bad, isn’t it?” Even though his voice was quiet, his tone was still calm and collected. It didn’t give away how he really felt, but Alice knew him well enough to suspect that his mind was already busy making plans.
Therefore, having expected this, she was not surprised when the visions came; too many different ones to follow them all at the same time. It was something that had always impressed her about Jasper; the way he was able to play through every possible scenario, every possible tactic, in only a matter of seconds.
Although, given his upbringing, it didn’t come as much of a surprise: This talent was undoubtedly one of the reasons he’d survived this long: Jasper never took any chances – he liked to be thorough.
Sometimes – like right now – it could also be quite annoying, though.
“I don’t like your ideas,” Alice let him know, her tone dry. “Especially the ones where you kidnap me. We both know there’s no chance of that ever happening.”
A weak smile appeared on his face. “You have seen it, so there is a slight chance it’ll work.”
She raised her eyebrow – knowing she didn’t have to verbalize how she felt about that – and Jasper exhaled deeply, shrugging. “You know me, my love. I like to be prepared.”
Realising that a discussion about this would lead nowhere, she decided to simply tell him the truth instead. The topic could not be avoided.
“They have left Italy.”
There was a one-second delay while he took in the news; then, she felt a wave of tension hitting her like a collapsing brick wall, causing both of them to stare at each other with alarm. His grip around her hands strengthened; had she been human, the bones in her fingers would have been squelched by the force he was using.
Jasper had never made it a secret that he was in awe of – even respected – the Volturi in ways she could never fully comprehend. Because, after all, she had not been there, in the South, all those years ago. Whenever he spoke of them, she could even feel this awe; but still, it was impossible for her to connect Jasper’s mainly positive expectations of them to the real Italian vampires she’d encountered.
And although his respect for them had subsided substantially last year, when he had been scared out of his wits about the possibility of the Volturi killing her as well as Edward and Bella, it had not disappeared entirely. Deep down she knew that Jasper – especially from a military standpoint – believed them to be nearly invincible.
Which was why she loved him even more for still helping her with her plan.
“How long?” It was all he asked, the sound of his voice pulling her from her thoughts once more.
“Three, maybe four days.”
He exhaled sharply again, even though she was sure he had not taken in a single breath since she’d told him about her vision.
“We won’t make that.”
She shook her head, not accepting his words. “We have to.”
“Alice…” Jasper gave her an incredulous look. “Under normal circumstances, I would say we’d have a chance of achieving what we set out to do, with your visions to guide us. But… this is different. You can’t see them. You’re looking for blind spots on a map inside your head, not knowing what you’re going to find once you’ve located them. It’s as if we are throwing darts at a target with a blindfold on. And you can’t see the wolves either, have you considered that? What if there are other…” – he paused, scrunching up his nose – “… creatures out there that we’ve never even thought about? What if this blind spot you see here is something else? This whole plan has the potential to fall apart in a matter of seconds… we don’t even know if there are others.”
Alice let him finish without interrupting and without flinching at the emotions he was sending her way while he was speaking. After all, she’d seen this conversation before, and she knew a few different outcomes – some were rather unsatisfying; some were - while not exactly good either - at least better.
Jasper met her eyes again, and despite the fact that she’d already seen this look in her visions, its intensity still took her by surprise. There hadn’t been many times when she’d seen him this worried.
Feeling tired all of a sudden, she leaned back, staring past him at the ugly floral wallpaper.
The situation was getting too overwhelming for her. It was too much, being forced to have this kind of responsibility.
On days like this, she wished she had a different gift, perhaps some like Esme’s: caring unconditionally for people seemed like a nice, lovely ability to have.
At least compared to the weight of the world on Alice’s shoulders.
Her husband, of course, could feel her change of mood immediately. Stroking his fingers over the backs of her hands, he was now the one avoiding her eyes.
“We could leave,” he said quietly.
And even though he didn’t share her gift, wasn’t able to predict the future as she could, Alice felt like he already knew her answer.
“No, Jazz.” Her voice was soft. “We’re not abandoning them.”
“We already have! And anyway, what does it matter if they’re all going to die in four days?” His response was vehement, almost defiant. This time, she did flinch at his words, not wanting to be reminded of this – very possible – outcome of their confrontation with the Volturi.
Without delay, she felt his guilt about scaring her, but she ignored it and continued, “I’ve not given up yet. We can still find them in time. And even if we don’t, at least we’ll go down fighting with our family.”
When she looked back at him and was met with the determination in his eyes, Alice didn’t even have to wait for the visions to know he was not going to let it happen like this.
She sighed again; this was exactly why she hadn’t wanted to start this conversation in the first place.
“Jazz…”
“I know what you’re going to say.” Jasper’s tone was firm; she knew it well. The only times he would speak to her like this were when they had a disagreement concerning her own safety. “But I can’t agree to this.” He met her eyes again and she saw how much it pained him to speak the words. “It would be different if we had a chance… even a slight chance…”
He stopped, but she didn’t need him to finish the sentence.
Jasper didn’t believe the Cullens – no matter how many witnesses they managed to gather around them – would stand a chance against the Volturi. And if Alice was honest with herself, she had to admit she didn’t, either. Should it come to a fight, they would be lost.
She could not see the outcome of the fight, not when the wolves were involved, so she was as blind as he was. Her guess was as good as his. And she would not question or doubt his military experience in a situation like this.
“We do have a chance,” she said instead. “If we find what we’re looking for. Whatever – whoever – it is we’ve tracked down here, they aren’t far away. We could find them tomorrow.”
“You’re guessing, Alice.”
She shook his hands off, then, finally fed up with this conversation and his eternal pessimism.
Alice couldn’t blame him for speaking the truth, not really, but her irritation was most likely caused by the fact that she did not enjoy being blind. It wasn’t easy for her to accept that she for once had no idea what the future would bring.
“Yes, I’m guessing,” she hissed and rose to her feet in a smooth movement. He was still kneeling down, suddenly looking so damn lost that she almost regretted her outburst.
Almost.
“But what else am I supposed to do, Jasper?” she continued, walking up and down the room. “Please, by all means, if you have all the answers, go ahead and tell me. Because unlike you, I haven’t given up yet. I am not ready – not willing – to leave our family to their own devices. And it really isn’t helping that you are already making plans of your own – which are distracting me from the things I should pay attention to instead, by the way. Do you know how dangerous it could be? If I miss anything?”
She stopped pacing around the room to look at him again, her eyes drilling into his. Not trying to conceal her annoyance, she knew he felt it, too.
“Give me these four days, Jazz. Then you can make plans. I won’t agree to any of them, don’t get me wrong…” – she added when she saw his expression – “…but feel free to make them, nonetheless. But right now, I already need to watch out for so many things – the Volturi, Bella, the blind spots, the witnesses – that I can’t deal with your mood swings, too.”
“Mood swings?” He was staring at her with one of his eyebrows raised, now annoyed himself. “I’m trying to keep us alive.”
“So am I.”
Jasper sighed deeply, sitting down at her former position on the edge of the bed.
“No, you’re not.” And when she opened her mouth to object, he added to clarify, “You’re trying to keep everyone alive.”
“What’s wrong with that?”
He shook his head. “Nothing. But what you don’t seem to realise is that sometimes that’s simply not possible. Sometimes, there are no perfect options. Sometimes, all you can do is look out for yourself.”
Alice gave him a sad smile, as she always did whenever he started talking like this. The reminders that her husband had been in literal wars were sometimes still hard to hear, even after being with him for all these years.
“That’s not how I approach things.” She said it more to distract herself from her last thought, and Jasper groaned at her words. Both of them were feeling edgy by now, and she was sure it had to be worse for him, having to feel both his own irritation and hers.
But when he ran his hands through his hair and replied, “I know” in an almost resigning tone, she raised her eyebrow, not having expected him to give in so easily.
She knew she had to play these cards before he’d regain his steadfastness.
“Jasper, we have to go back and you know it. Think of Esme and Carlisle. And Emmett and Rosalie. Bella, Edward, and Nessie. They have a better chance with us by their side. And who knows? Perhaps the Volturi can be convinced. Perhaps they won’t want to fight us. Aro will probably think that it would be such a waste.”
“That’s partly what I’m afraid of.” His voice was quiet again. Alice stared at him with confusion, not sure what he meant.
“What?”
Jasper rose from his position again and crossed the room, coming to a stop right in front of her. He glanced down at her – their normal height difference restored now that they were both standing – and gently stroked his index finger over her cheek.
“Aro wants you to join them, Alice. He wants that more than anything. I don’t have to meet him to know that, because I’ve known other people in power.” He was talking about Maria and they both knew it, without him having to mention her name. “I know what they’re willing to do to get what they want. Aro will not shy away from killing every single one of us if we’re standing in his way. You said you want to go down fighting, defending our family… but either way, it won’t be like this.”
Jasper wasn’t finished, but he shuddered, clearly not wanting to voice his next thought out loud.
She still wasn’t entirely sure where he was going with this. “What do you mean?”
Again, Jasper exhaled sharply before continuing, “He won’t kill you. He will enslave you, Alice. Forever. And none of us will be there to prevent it.”
And even though Alice knew exactly why he was saying this – to scare her, to make her see his side – she still shivered at his words, not able to hide it from him.
“You will not let that happen to me,” she said then, with determination, and stared into his eyes deeply. Their roles were reversed now; at this point she was trying to make him understand, to make him see her side.
Jasper groaned again. “I won’t be alive to…”
“You don’t understand,” she cut him off immediately. “You won’t let that happen. You won’t allow him to get me.” Alice empathised every single word, hoping she wouldn’t have to say it out loud.
But even with that, she was convinced that the thing that made him understand her meaning in the end, was not her words, but the despair she was exuding at the sheer thought of it.
His face fell and his eyes widened; Alice had never seen him so shocked, so stricken with terror before; not once in all the years they had been together.
“You want me to…” Jasper couldn’t even finish the sentence because his voice broke half-way through it.
“Yes,” Alice said simply, glad that he understood, that she didn’t have to ask him directly.
His voice was almost entirely inaudible when he replied as if he could not bear to even talk about this subject. “No. No. I will not… you can’t expect me to… I… This is…”
He broke off, shaking his head vehemently.
While he was struggling to regain control over his emotions – and failing – the waves of despair hit her, nearly knocking her off her feet. The force of them made her want to curl up in a ball in the corner of the room and sob her eyes out.
But it was intentional this time, she realised; Jasper was trying to make her understand – make her feel – what she was asking of him.
Alice tried to keep a clear head – which was almost impossible against the force of his emotions, it felt like she was trying to stop a waterfall with her bare hands – to try to reason with him.
“I will not live without you,” she said simply, quietly. “Not for a day, let alone for an eternity. If our roles were reversed, I’d do the same for you.”
He was still shaking his head like a defiant child who didn’t want to listen to their mother’s lecture.
When he finally spoke again, his voice was so desperate, so pleading. It almost broke her dead heart. “I can’t. Please, don’t ask this of me, I’m not capable…I can’t…”
This conversation, Alice realised, was drifting off in the wrong direction. The entire point she had been trying to make in the beginning, was that all of these discussions were completely unnecessary because they would find what they were looking for.
She knew – for the sanity of both of them – that she had to steer the conversation back onto safe ground again.
“You won’t have to, because we will be fine. I’m sorry I brought that up… it’s your fault, though. You always want to be prepared for every single possible outcome, so I had to tell you my standpoint on that matter. But we will find them, and bring them back to Forks, and all of these… theories won’t happen that way.”
“You’re guessing again,” Jasper said, still not over the shock her request had given him, but he appeared just as eager to switch topics as she was.
“Yes, I am.” She gave him a wry smile. “Is it always like this for you? Must be very frustrating.”
Jasper even managed a small grin at her words. “You have no idea.”
She closed the small distance between them then, wrapping her arms around his waist and letting him pull her closer. Resting her head against his chest, she allowed herself to close her eyes for a few seconds: to not think about the possible doom they and their family would possibly face in a few days, to simply enjoy being in his arms, to just ignore the outside world for a brief moment.
Physically, she could feel his lips pressed against the top of her head, while mentally, she felt his panic subside at the feeling of holding her. Alice knew they would have this discussion again in four days should their mission, their task fail, but right now - for once - she didn’t want to think about the future.
The moment passed quicker than she had hoped, though, and she sighed into his shirt. “We better get started. We have no time to lose.”
He made no move to let her go and she sighed again.
“Give me these four days, Jazz.”
Finally, after a long moment, she could feel his nod against the top of her head.
“Four days. And not a single day longer.”