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“I get now what Nac must have felt,” said Wave, his eyes fierce and his voice unforgiving.
“All this time, you’ve treated every friend like you did Nac. I’m not surprised why you and he aren’t close anymore.” He paused, staring at Pang as if seeing him from far away and as if he wanted to get as much distance as possible between them, before delivering the last blow, “And I won’t be surprised if you and I aren’t close from now on.“
Without another word, Wave turned and left, leaving Pang feeling lonelier than he had felt in a long time. Even when Mr. Pom had told him that Time had passed away, Pang still felt like he could turn to someone. Even when he saw Korn lying motionless after jumping from the balcony, he felt he could sob into someone’s shoulder. Wave was that someone.
Now, Pang felt shoreless. He had just lost the anchor that had been keeping him from drifting into the darkness of the ocean. He felt himself reach out for the wall next to him to steady himself as if the tides of the sea were already lulling him under their current. Pang couldn’t believe Wave didn’t want to be his friend anymore. Pang couldn’t believe he didn’t get to tell Wave how he felt about him and that he didn’t want to be his friend anymore either, that he didn’t want to be just his friend anymore.
Slipping to the floor, he started thinking. He had always been bad when it came to confrontations. He could admit to himself that he had many flaws and a vast majority of them had to do with his tendency to act alone. But, sometimes, Pang felt he had to make decisions that were difficult because no one else was willing to make them. There had been a lot of internal conflict in their group when Korn had left the campus, and since no one else seemed to be prepared to make the next move, or even discuss it, Pang had taken it upon himself to get answers for the group.
Although he had known when he had gotten Korn’s location from Time that he had better consult Wave and take him along, the conversation with the girls had confused him. Moreover, Grace’s urgency when he was leaving Time had propelled him into action.
Now, as he sat there on the floor outside the abandoned room the Gifted had just marched out of, he understood that he should’ve been more considerate towards the group and that maybe, this time, he had crossed a line that none of them, especially Wave, was willing to overlook.
He now realized that should’ve at least trusted Wave, his comrade-in-arms, to react just as quickly as Pang himself and help him devise a plan far more effective than his own, full steam ahead approach could envision.
More clearly though, Pang now saw just how much he had been relying on Wave to always have his back. Pang had taken Wave’s unwavering trust in him for granted. Pang had unintentionally disregarded Wave’s intelligence and wit. Worst of all, Pang realized with a jolt, he had ignored Wave’s feelings. As this epiphany rang in Pang’s head, he leaned his body more heavily onto the wall behind him, his hands coming up to cradle his head. He hadn’t had even a minute to spare before this second to acknowledge all that he might have done wrong in his haste to act.
Pang knew he had to apologize to Wave and set the record straight before things truly slipped out of control, the same way they had with Nac. Pang had long before promised himself, after learning about Wave’s past, that he would never make Wave feel used. He could not let Wave believe Pang had ever considered him a tool. Pang had to make sure Wave understood how much Wave’s friendship mattered to him, especially since Wave meant more to him than he could’ve ever expected.
In truth, Pang had secretly fallen for Wave after their first year together in the gifted classroom. Working in close quarters with Wave had shown Pang a side of him that was undeniably attractive. Pang had found himself slowly being drawn to Wave’s calm defiance, quick wit, and dry humor. As time progressed, Pang had started noticing the subtle, minute expressions that Wave let slip past his cold facade. Observing these micro-expressions had felt like an invasion of Wave’s privacy, at first. But the more Pang thought about it, the more he understood that Wave wanted someone to take note of the expressions that made their way out of the minuscule cracks in his front.
Pang had then started reacting to the subtle expressions. Every quirk of the lip could wrongly be perceived as an irritation but was, in fact, confusion, which could be eased into a small smile with a simple explanation. Every twitch of the eyebrow indicated that Wave’s interest was piqued and every flex of the jaw indicated that Wave was working through a tough problem and was not to be interrupted.
Pang also noted how many accommodations Wave seemed to make, in turn, for Pang. The first couple of months after Pang had regained his memories of Year 1 with the gifted class, Pang had been so depressed he could hardly move out of bed to brush his teeth. Pang would put up a front with all the others in the class because he had known that the responsibilities of being the unelected group leader meant his own emotional and mental health had to take a back-seat sometimes.
Wave, being as observant as he was, had quickly picked up on the darkness inside Pang and along with it, the habit of taking care of Pang. Wave would always wake up before Pang and get him to bathe and eat, knowing Pang would not make the move to take care of himself. Wave had started tutoring Pang in all their subjects and making sure Pang did not fall behind in class. In the gifted group, Wave took to caring for Pang when Pang was busy taking care of the group. He would always save Pang snacks because he knew Pang would try to save everything for the group. He would make sure Pang knew his plans were supported and helped him plan to perfection.
But above all of these, Wave had started resting a hand on his shoulder when he knew Pang was stressed out or on the verge of a breakdown. Pang had found his gesture of Wave’s the most comforting of all. Wave’s presence beside Pang was all that was needed to ensure Pang remained rational and in control. But, Wave’s hand resting on Pang’s shoulder meant Pang could center himself and the hidden assurance in the act, which spoke of Wave’s steadfast faith in Pang, meant more than the world.
Pang had tried the entirety of their second year to ignore his growing attraction and love for Wave. He had tried fixating on their efforts to revolt against the Director, only to constantly be surrounded by Wave during the process. He had tried pushing himself away from Wave, only to inevitably return to spending most of his time with Wave within days of the attempted distancing. He had even tried, in a moment of utter desperation, to like Namtarn, but Namtarn had always been like a best friend and nothing more, no matter how much he tried to convince himself otherwise.
Pang had then given up on being in denial and had started trying to accept the fact that he was in love with his closest friend. Though he admitted to himself that he had irrevocably fallen for Wave, he also knew that Wave was straight. Before the horrifying incident with the explosion happened at the end of Year 2, Pang had entertained the thought of confessing to Wave, just to see Wave’s reaction and to let Wave know just how much Pang treasured Wave. But after the incident, Pang had felt he had no choice but to lock up all his feelings for Wave in a box and stash in the deepest corner of his heart. Pang could not afford to lose Wave like he had lost Namtarn. Pang had kept his feelings away ever since, even from himself, in fear of losing his best friend.
But now, after all his efforts to keep Wave beside him, he was still losing Wave. Pang had never felt more disoriented than at that moment. He saw how much pain Wave was feeling during the fight. The tightness around Wave’s eyes and the flare of Wave’s nostrils gave away how much distress he had been feeling because of Pang. Seeing Wave in pain wrecked Pang. Wave was the most significant person in Pang’s life and yet here he was, making Wave feel like he wasn’t.
Pang would not let Wave believe he had been used, yet again. Pang could not allow Wave to ever look that low, never again. Making up his mind and drawing on the last remaining strength in him, Pang fought back the tears that had been threatening to spill down his cheeks and took a deep pull of air into his lungs. His eyes, which had taken on a dull sheen the last few days, finally shone with determination.
Although all the failures in the past seemed irreversible, from Namtarn getting hurt to Korn turning against them, Pang knew he had to correct things when he could, or at least try to. If he couldn’t get Wave to be his friend again, so be it. But he would not let Wave believe that Pang saw him as anything less than a wonderful person with a beautiful soul.
With this newfound purpose, Pang pushed himself up from the floor and slipped his backpack’s straps back onto his shoulder, much like one would don armor before a battle. He checked the time on his watch to see how long his inner conflict had lasted and was surprised to see that no more than ten minutes had passed.
Pang stood where they had fought just minutes before, trying to think of where Wave could’ve gone. He knew there were only a few places Wave went to when he was feeling lost or upset. There was the terrace that Wave might have avoided since that was the space he shared with Pang. He might have gone to his dorm room, but that was too far away. This left the tinkering workshop that Wave had somehow convinced Mr. Pom to assign to him after Year 1 and which he never really relinquished hold of, even after the program was canceled last year. The workshop was just a few minutes away from the building where Pang currently was and as he deduced this, he started walking at a brisk pace.
A minute later, he was already half-way there. Pang hadn’t noticed how late it was, but the sun was ready to set and the campus was mostly empty. He barely registered this as he made his way to the workshop, his footsteps echoing loudly in the corridors. As he reached the corridor at the end of which Wave’s workshop was located, he heard a scream that he instantly recognized as Wave’s.
With his heart thudding loudly and sinking to the pit of his stomach, Pang sprang into a blistering run. Even before panic could set in, he was at the door to the workshop, which luckily seemed to be unlocked. He burst into the room, yelling out Wave’s name.
“Wave!”
As he rushed in, Pang saw that Wave was seated and quite still for someone who had just screamed so loudly. Despite his immediate confusion, he raced to Wave’s side.
“Wave, Answer me! Are you hurt? What’s wrong? What happened?” asked Pang, in quick succession. He patted Wave’s arms and torso checking for injuries. Pang then eyed Wave’s legs and feet, but there seemed nothing wrong. Crouching low so that he was eye level with Wave’s hands, he carefully took them into his own and gently turned them over and over to check if Wave had shocked himself while tinkering with an electrical appliance. But Wave did not answer or even flinch at his touch. Finally, having confirmed that Wave seemed to be physically alright, Pang looked up to Wave’s face from where he was kneeling.
The expression on Wave’s face was like a shock to Pang’s system. Never before had he seen Wave wear such an open and vulnerable expression. He had tears running down both his cheeks and his eyes were red-rimmed. His nose was leaking and his neck was red. Wave’s face was turned towards the window, his eyes focused on the world outside.
“Wave...please talk to me. I need to know you aren’t hurt anywhere,” whispered Pang, not trusting his voice to be stable at that moment.
Yet again, no answer. Wave seemed not to be aware of Pang’s presence, the only indication that he gave as an acknowledgment was a slight twitch of his hand in Pang’s. Though Pang was holding Wave’s hands in his own, it felt like Wave was miles away. Pang knew he couldn’t push Wave to respond to him. That would only drive Wave further away. So he waited, without moving a muscle or tightening or loosening his hold on Wave’s hands, which were perpetually cold but right now seemed colder than usual.
After what seemed like twenty minutes but could have been only two minutes, Wave exhaled loudly. Slowly, he turned his head towards Pang, who was still kneeling beside his chair.
“Why do you care if I'm hurt?”
He asked in a whisper so soft he might as well have not said anything, but Pang heard him nonetheless.
“Why do you care if I’m in pain? Why do you care if I cry or yell or scream?” Wave continued.
“Do you even understand how many times I searched for you the day I called you? Do you know what was going through my head when I heard from Punn that you went off on your own to confront Korn?”
Wave paused as if to allow Pang to speak but before Pang to rationalize an answer, Wave went on as if the words were spilling out of him.
“How could you think that all I care about were some calls that you didn’t answer? How could you not know how worried I was about you? How could you not know that I was hoping you’d talk to me and tell me you’re okay, even though I could see you were?”
Wave stopped and took a deep breath, as if he was trying to gain a little control over his emotions, without much success.
Pang was confused, yet again. This was the most confused he had been since Korn had betrayed them, maybe even more than then. Pang was unable to comprehend what his friend was trying to convey and felt dumber by the minute. It was as if he had missed something very important that Wave seemed to find obvious.
Pang began “Wave, I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I was afraid Korn would attack you the same way he attacked Punn. I wanted to --”
Wave cut him off and yelled, “And what about what I want Pang? What about my fear that Korn would attack you? What about my fear that the person I love, went in alone, without back-up, to confront a person who had already stabbed another person and put several other people in death’s path?”
“Wave, wait, what did you just say?”
“Yes, okay! I said it. The person I love. We aren’t going to be friends anyway after this conversation, so to hell with it. Yes, Pang. I love you. I’m in love with you.”
“Wave, hold on--”
“No, Pang! Not this time. Let me speak. Let me finish and then you can be disgusted with me. Do you know how much it hurts when the person you love disregards you and runs headfirst into danger every time? You don’t but I do. I’m no stranger to pain, Pang. I’ve lost both my parents, I’ve been taken advantage of, time and again and I’ve had to fight for my right to be where I am today. I never thought I would feel pain again. I thought that if I could stay away from happiness, in general, I could keep away the pain, since pain always seemed to accompany happiness, at least in my experience. But ever since I’ve known that I loved you, I’ve become acquainted with pain again. The day you lost your memories, it was as if I had lost you from my life. You saw me in the hallway but there was no ounce of recognition in your eyes. “
“It was as if you were dead and I was dead to you. It was as if I had lost my parents all over again. How could you understand that pain? How could you ever understand what love feels like? “
While Wave was speaking, his volume had slowly risen to such a high pitch that by the end of what he was saying, he was shouting. Due to this, Pang involuntarily flinched back. Unfortunately, as Pang realized too late, Wave seemed to have noticed this movement.
With an expression so stormy, Pang could practically hear thunder ringing in his ears, Wave whispered, “I knew you’d be disgusted, Pang. That’s why I kept this to myself, all this while. I never wanted you to know. Just know that I never took advantage of our friendship and that I never wanted anything from you. All I wanted was for you to be safe and for you to know that I had your back, even when I disagreed with you. That’s all.”
With that, just like their first fight that day, Wave abruptly stood up and turned to leave.
However, Pang reacted readily this time. He stood up too, a few seconds after Wave, took a few steps to reach him, and grabbed Wave’s wrist just as he took a step out of the workshop.
“Wave! Wait. Please.” As Wave turned around with a pained and panicked expression, Pang struggled to keep Wave from pulling out of his grasp. Finally, Pang twisted Wave arm behind his back, careful not to hurt him but with enough strength to keep him from struggling more.
“Wave, you’ve got to stop and listen. You need to hear me out! You had your chance to speak. Please listen. You don’t even have to look at me if you don’t want to. You don’t have to talk to me ever again if you choose not to, but please listen.” said Pang, urgently.
“Let go, Pang!” cried Wave.
“I’m going to let go of your arm, Wave. But please stay.” pleaded Pang.
Though he did not know if Wave would stay, he let go of his arm anyway and took a few steps back to allow Wave some personal space. Pang knew this was his only chance to come clean about his feelings. He owed this to Wave. Pang too had been struggling with his identity and his love for Wave and so, he could understand just how difficult it must have been for Wave these last couple of years.
In the few seconds which stretched out between Pang letting go of Wave’s hand and Wave’s next move, Pang was hit with three realizations. One, that Pang was an utter fool. Two, far less obvious and unexpected, that Wave, though a genius, was an utter fool too.
Three, entirely random, ridiculous, and unbelievable, that they were both in love with each other. They were two fools in love.
Fortunately, though this internal crisis was raging in Pang’s head, he did note that Wave had not moved from where he was standing.
Taking this as his cue to start talking, Pang began “Wave, I don’t know where to start. Let me say this first. I am not disgusted. Far from it. I’m sorry I made you worried. I’m sorry I didn’t understand. I never meant to make you feel unheard. I’ve made many, many mistakes, which I don’t know how to fix. But the biggest one is to have done anything to make you think that you weren’t important to me. That’s what I came to tell you”
“You asked me if I knew how you felt when I went after Korn. I didn’t, Wave. All I knew at the point was that I’d rather die than put you in line of danger. I couldn’t pick up your calls because I felt ashamed and angry. When I said I was angry earlier, I meant, at myself. Angry because I failed you and the rest of the group. Ashamed because I had let Time die on my watch and did nothing as Korn jumped. I couldn’t look you in the eye. I didn’t have the energy or the audacity to look at you and see the disappointment in your eyes.”
Pang couldn’t keep the quiver out of his voice as he said, “Above all, I felt sad. So sad, Wave. I wanted to talk to you, but each time I tried, it was like you were getting further away. I couldn’t bear to lose you too, Wave.”
Pulling himself together and taking the final leap, Pang said “Wave, I feel all these things because of you. I feel because of you. I want to make things right because of you.”
“I want you, Wave. I’ve wanted you for so long, it hurts. You may be right about me not knowing what love feels like. But, I know about pain. Right now, not having you in my life would be a pain I cannot endure. If that isn’t love, I’m willing to relearn everything if it means I can keep you in my life.”
As he said these words out loud, Pang felt himself become lighter. He had finally said the words that he had locked up within himself and shoved to a deep recess. No matter what happened now, there was no turning back.
Pang kept silent once more, waiting for Wave to react. A few seconds passed before Wave turned around, his expression mutinous.
Letting out a sarcastic chuckle, Wave barked “Don’t mess with me, Pang. You liked Namtarn, we all knew. Do not pull my leg. This is not the time or the place or the topic --”
‘Wave, I’m not lying. I’m not messing with --”
“Pang, you dare tell me you have feelings for me, right after you ignore me for a week--”
“I’m telling you, I couldn’t look at you, Wave. It hurt to--”
“‘The audacity to look at you,’ he says. Well, you had the audacity to lie just now and--”
Pang took one, two steps before he reached Wave and wrapped his arms around his shoulders in a tight hug, effectively shutting Wave up. Though Wave and Pang were almost the same height, Pang had a couple of inches on Wave and slightly broader shoulders. Using this to his advantage, Pang enveloped Wave.
Pang had quickly realized he was not above begging when it came to Wave and so he said the only thing that he could think of saying at that moment, “Please, Wave.”
He whispered this right into Wave’s ear and then stayed there, letting Wave’s hair tickle his nose.
He repeated the same phrase, his tired mind and over-stimulated body pushing him to drop all other thoughts except to somehow convince Wave of the truth of his feelings.
“Please, Wave.”
Pang heard Wave take a quick breath in, rapid and uncontrolled.
“Please, Wave.”
Pang felt Wave’s shoulders begin to shake slightly, as wetness hit the side of his neck. To Pang’s surprise, Wave had started crying. Quickly, Pang pulled back to see if his hug was unwelcome but didn’t get far before Wave grabbed the sides of his school shirt and dragged him back into the hug.
Confused yet again, but pleasantly so, Pang let his grip on Wave’s shoulders loosen. He patted Wave’s back until Wave’s sobs subsided. Slowly, Wave regained his composure. Wave remained still and in Pang’s arms for a few more minutes before scrubbing his tears off on Pang’s shirt and abruptly pushing Pang away.
Wave said, with an expression that Pang knew meant that Wave was now doing the devil’s work, “So, you think you can tell me you want me and all is forgiven?”
Now, Pang was not naive enough to think that Wave would let him off the hook for anything, ever. Pang was also not so stupid, contrary to popular belief, as to fight Wave at that moment, on anything.
“No, but I think I know how to make it up to you?” Pang inwardly flinched when he realized that had come out as more of a question than a sentence.
“Okay, how?” asked Wave, with a cocky expression that said he knew the ball was in his court.
“I’ll drop to my knees in the cafeteria and say ‘Wave is the smartest in the entire school and also the hottest guy in the whole--’”
Wave had covered Pang’s mouth with his hand before the sentence was done, sending Pang into a fit of giggles. Wave smacked Pang lightly on the back of his head in retaliation and let his other hand slip from his face.
“No, you will do no such thing. Let’s just say you owe me? As in, you owe me, times 25,” said Wave with a genuine smile replacing his cocky one, his tone truly light the first time that whole day.
The sudden, overwhelming joy that burst into Pang’s chest was too much for him to take. He felt his smile slip and his heart quicken. Wave’s smile was enough for him to come back to the ground from where his head and heart were both flying high, and realize that they had just confessed to each other.
Wave seemed to have picked on the sudden change in Pang’s mood. Wave sighed, his expression becoming somber once more.
Wave, apparently having left his anger in the past, at least for the moment, asked: “So, what now?”
Shifting his weight from foot to foot, suddenly awkward, Pang dumbly replied: “Am I supposed to know?”
As Pang had already realized in the last half hour, they were just two utter fools in love. They’ll find a way. Of this, he was sure. That day was an indication of the fact that both Pang and Wave were resilient when it came to loving and enduring, for love.
Sighing yet again, Wave asked, in a fond but exasperated tone “How about we start with day one, then work from there?”
“Day one sounds good,” replied Pang.
Just as Pang said these words, Pang’s phone buzzed with a Line message alert, which he immediately opened to check.
Time, supposedly dead Time, had messaged him a location.
As he looked up from his phone, with an expression a mix between surprise and alarm, he knew one thing was certain; Pang and Wave would figure it out together.