Work Text:
“It was mortifying Mel.” Phil groused into his coffee.
“Worse than that time you tried nude sunbathing and it turned out the private cove was owned by a grandmother and her six grandchildren?”
“You are a horrible person.”
“And you had fallen asleep and got the sunburn of your life.”
“I hate you.”
“And the grandkids tried to burry you with just one part of your anatomy still sticking out.”
“THAT DIDN’T HAPPEN!”
“Maybe not the way you tell it.” Melinda smirked.
“You are not my friend. A friend wouldn’t be enjoying herself like this. A friend would comfort me and tell me it’s not that bad.”
“Not gonna lie, it’s pretty bad, it’s also pretty funny.” Mel signaled for the waitress for more coffee.
Phil slumped down in the diner booth. “I’m moving. I’m never seeing him again.”
Mel raised an eyebrow, “Was the sex that bad?”
****
“The sex was AMAZING!” Clint crowed.
“I don’t want to hear about this.” Nat said.
“No you don’t understand, he did this thing with his tongue… I, I can’t even explain it, but I saw stars. Honest to god saw stars.”
“I have no interest in this subject.”
“And his thighs… Oh. My. God. You can’t really see how fit he is under that suit but DAYUM…”
“I have not even met this paragon and I already know way too much information. Don’t you have a filter?” Natasha growled.
“If his balls hadn’t gotten damaged we would have had round three in the morning.”
“How many times do I have to tell you I don’t … Wait? What? Damaged? What did you do to him?”
“HA! I knew you were listening.”
“You are not my friend.”