Work Text:
ash staggers into the library as blood drips down his shirt. it's sticky and uncomfortable but he knows he won't collapse yet. years of being in a gang definitely trained his pain tolerance. the wound feels deep, but lucky for him it didn't hit any of his vital organs. he curses Lao internally, his plans to rush to the airport now foiled. he approaches the librarian and asks for a few pieces of paper and a pen before heading towards his favourite seat. she looks at him suspiciously, his formed now hunched over, shoulders saggy instead of his usual stance. but she doesn't question it.
ash pulls out the chair and takes a seat, eyeing eiji's letter again. it's a pity for it to end like this, huh.
picking up the black pen, he starts.
for: eiji okumura.
i know we've only met recently, but, having you here by my side has been the best thing to happen to me. i should probably feel guilty for having dragged an innocent 19-year old Japanese boy into the gang world, filled with death and guns. your world is different from mine. way too different. yours is full of happiness from your parents, your sister, your family. you belong in the world of sweet sunshines and rainbows, not in mine. mine is full of bitterness, anger, revenge and violence. it's not a place for someone like you. i should have made you leave when i could, before everything went downhill. i'm sorry i didn't do that.
back in the prison, that was when it all started, wasn't it? when i kissed you. i mean, when i passed you the pill. your lips are really soft though, what lip balm do you use? you taste faintly like strawberries, a little sweet... wait, what? why am i thinking of his lips.
well, even if i decided to stop you, i don't think you would've agreed anyway. you're stubborn. stubborn yet brave. i won't forget the time you pulled the pipe out and used it to pole vault over the really high wall. that was the bravest thing i've seen someone do, ever. even though you did end up falling into a pile of trash and hurting yourself.... you saved us. oh, and when we met for the first time? the first thing you did was ask if you could hold my gun. that was pretty ballsy of you considering i'm feared by everyone else.
i wonder how you feel being in this. this whole mess. is it thrilling? exciting? scary? i'd be scared out of my mind if i were you. suddenly being involved with gangs and being taught how to use a gun. seeing people die in front of my eyes and not being able to help. being chased by the mafia. it's frightening.
i wish i could talk to you once more. i regret not seeing you off at the airport. i should have gone to say bye. to you, to Ibe. i wish i could have bought you a gift, something to remind you of New York. something to remind you of me, maybe? but maybe you'd want to forget this whole thing. maybe you'd want to pretend all of this never happened. are you going to remember me eiji? i hope you will. because i know for sure that i'd never forget you, ever. you're one of the best things to ever happen to me.
it's funny really, how i get so soft around you. fierce, cold-blooded, sharpshooter me, worrying and protecting you. how ironic, isn't it? it's obvious you're my weakness. that's why Yut Lung went after you. he knew i'd chase you to the ends of the earth to save you. he's right. damn you, Yut Lung. you're too good. there's just something indescribable about you that makes me want to protect you from everything.
anyway, this is getting a little too long. thank you eiji, for coming to New York. for staying even when things started getting rough and ugly. for being by my side. for making my rough days just a little better. i hope to see you soon, in Japan probably. you'll be my tour guide, right? i trust that you'll bring me to all the popular places! i want to meet Buddy and your younger sister too. you'll wait for me, right? i'll be there someday. i'm sorry for lying to you. i don't want you to worry. although i'm sure you're going to find out about this sooner or later.
thank you eiji. you mean more to me than you'd ever know. you feel like home. home is a place you look forward to going to after a long day. it's warm. it's comforting. it feels a warm cup of hot chocolate on a winter day. that's what you mean to me, eiji. home. ever since i met you, i can't help but think of you all the time. even when i'm fighting or running away, all i think of is you. i wonder if you'd want me to continue being a killer, or not. i think of ways i could possibly protect you from further harm. i think of you more than just a friend. i wonder if you feel the same.
i can't wait to go home. maybe, just maybe. i love you.
from: aslan jade callenreese, ash lynx.
just as he starts to fold the paper to put aside, he feels his head throb. ah shit. before he could even finish his second fold, his head drops to the table, tear tracks dried up on his pale cheeks. it's time, i guess. he feels himself slowly dying in the library. the very place he sought comfort in. well, at least it's better than bleeding out on some concrete ground. in his last few moments of consciousness, ash whispers with a small smile on his face, sayonara eiji. don't forget me.