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Shouto was familiar with affection in theory . He knew what it was supposed to be like. When he was young, he experienced brief moments of loving kindness from his mother wherein she would kiss his forehead and run her fingers through his hair (the right side; he didn’t notice it at that age, but she always favored his right side). His siblings were always affectionate with each other, whether in the form of fist bumps or warm hugs ( or sobbing into each other’s shoulders and clinging to one another while standing over a freshly dug grave ) . Every now and then, he got a pat on the shoulder from Fuyumi or a smile from Natsuo, but those kinds of pleasant familial interactions were normally kept to a minimum.
Affection was something he’d seen on television, too. Despite having limited lived experience with it, he understood more or less how it worked. Those who were romantically involved touched each other often in a number of kind ways; holding hands, running fingers through each other’s hair, cradling their face, planting kisses all over. Shouto doubted that anyone would be able to treasure someone like him so dearly, but it was nice to close his eyes and gently brush his fingers over his own cheeks as if experiencing a loved one’s caress.
Gaining friends had given him an additional perspective on how to interact kindly with others. He noticed the way that they touched and smiled at each other, everyone full of warmth. The girls tended to be more tactile than the boys, holding hands and embracing one another so casually, but that didn't make the boys stiff by any means. Those who were more comfortable in their skin than Shouto himself (which, to be honest, amounted to just about everyone in his class) had no problem grabbing each other by the shoulder, grasping hands in a show of camaraderie, or even slinging their arms around each other's shoulders. At first, he had been hesitant around all of the touches, the majority of his experience with physical contact negative, but he slowly eased into it. Now, Uraraka could come up behind him and wrap her arms around him, Kirishima could raise his hand and receive a high five instead of a wince, and Midoriya could touch his arm in comfort when he was having a rough day.
It was… nice , really, to finally have more than just an idea of what gentle touch felt like. Reciprocation was low and he rarely initiated contact, but damn if he didn't let those moments linger as long as he could. Friends had helped accustom him to something he had only experienced from a distance before and he was infinitely grateful for it.
It took a while, but eventually he was able to piece together tactile communication relatively well. Every touch had a meaning. Uraraka's hugs were meant as a greeting. Kirishima's high fives were meant to be encouraging. Midoriya's gentle touches were meant to be comforting and grounding. Nobody touched another person without a reason, which helped him incorporate it more into his social understanding beyond merely a theory.
Then came Tenya.
At first, he had been a friend, still regarded personally as Iida and easy to handle. As exaggerated as some of his mannerisms could be, he was as friendly, supportive, and kind as the rest of them. A pat on the shoulder here, a friendly squeeze there; it all seemed rather typical.
Then the touches started to linger.
Shouto didn’t know which happened first: Iida holding on for a few beats too long or him noticing the pattern. What he did know was that once he recognized what was happening, he started craving it. Something about those prolonged touches was addictive and he found himself standing just fractionally closer or leaning just barely into them in encouragement. Though he had grown more or less accustomed to gentle touch at that point, there was something different about him that he just couldn’t put a name to; not until he was given one, at least.
That was a moment he still remembered fondly, every reminisce making his heart swell with warmth. When Iida had pulled him aside, he hadn’t known what to expect, but what occurred had been the furthest thing from his guesses. It was obvious that the other teen had a meaningful and sophisticated speech planned out to properly express his emotions and sentiments, but, as nerves tended to do, he floundered, blushed, and stuttered the entire way through. It took a moment for Shouto to fully understand what was happening, but once he did, he felt as if his heart may pop.
I really like you, Todoroki. As much more than a friend. If you feel the same or would humor giving me a chance, I would like to try dating.
Try dating .
That hadn’t been something that Shouto had ever really imagined in his future, though not for lack of desire. The thought that someone could ever regard him in such a way had always seemed so far-fetched, even in his fantasies, so to be presented with this very situation was overwhelming. Even more so, to be presented with such feelings from Iida of all people was enough to make his head spin. Brilliant Iida; talented Iida; gorgeous Iida. Just the idea of him cherishing him the way that he’d witnessed other lovers do was enough to leave him breathless.
All he could manage to do in response was nod, the gesture saturated with enthusiasm and awe. He remembered how the nervous tension melted away from Iida’s-- Tenya’s -- shoulders with a sigh of relief. Had he truly expected Shouto to turn him away? It seemed like such a ridiculous notion that Shouto hadn’t even considered it up until that point. If Tenya had known how much he admired and appreciated him, he never would have had a doubt. Then again, Shouto had never been the best at showing such emotions…
When Tenya asked to kiss him, he felt like he could have died on the spot. Voice still stolen from him, he nodded yet again, cheeks heating up in anticipation. A large hand cupped his left cheek-- it felt so different from his own-- and held his face in place as he leaned in and-- Oh .
Nothing about the kiss was objectively good . Despite how soft and warm Tenya’s lips were against his own, they were both stiff and awkward, unsure of what to do. Without a doubt, it was obvious that this was a mutual first kiss and neither of them knew exactly what to do to make it magical . There were no fireworks, no invisible switch flipping to make the world a little brighter…
...But there were butterflies. There was warmth. There was care and effort and a promise of future adoration. No matter how embarrassing and inexperienced the kiss was, it still made Shouto feel weak in the knees and had his stomach turning in knots. It was by no means perfect , but he loved it all the same. He wouldn't trade it for the best kiss in the world.
After a moment, Tenya pulled back with a startled cry, the hand that had been cradling Shouto’s face like a treasure pulling back and waving through the air. It wasn't until a light registered in his peripherals that it dawned on him what had happened.
A small flame had flickered to life on his cheek in the heat of his excitement, burning the palm of the person who claimed to adore him. It was humiliating, of course, but he hardly felt the slightest twinge of embarrassment when horror washed over him.
He had just burned Tenya. In the middle of their first kiss, no less.
Immediately, Shouto extinguished the flame, a thousand apologies on his tongue. In an act of impulse, he remembered reaching out and grasping Tenya’s hand in his own right one in an attempt to cool him off. The intimacy of such a gesture was completely lost on him until he saw the smile blossoming across his companion's face.
The world seemed to stand still for a moment, Shouto guiltily staring at Tenya and Tenya smiling back, looking down at their joined hands.
And then he laughed.
There wasn't an ounce of malice in it; no, if anything, it sang with affectionate amusement. Tenya returned the grip on Shouto's icy hand and commented on how he should have known that flustering him was dangerous (even if Shouto would later argue that he had been the furthest thing from flustered). Not only was Tenya not upset with him for losing control of his quirk, but he seemed endeared by it. Nothing in Shouto's past could have prepared him for how to react to this, but if dating Tenya meant anything, it was that his future would be full of it.
Just like any platonic touch, kisses became easier over time. Between goodnight pecks and celebratory smooches after one of them excelled in one way or another, Shouto slowly eased into accepting (and even initiating ) the sentimental gesture. Over the course of the few short months he had been dating Tenya, he was certain that he had been kissed more than he had in the previous sixteen years of his life.
This wasn’t a bad thing by any stretch of the imagination, but he didn’t understand it. He had assumed that it would simply be another form of communicative touch like the kinds he had integrated into his life with the addition of friends . Every touch had a purpose; a meaning. Even on TV and in the movies, couples kissed during the climax of a film or to express some kind of intense emotion; longing, desperation, adoration, desire, and the list went on. Nothing about that could have prepared him for the uncertainty that came with having a boyfriend.
Some kisses had meaning, such as the aforementioned bedtime and victorious ones, but others seemed to come out of nowhere. Shouto could be standing in the kitchen preparing himself dinner or lounging on the couch when Tenya would pop up and kiss him out of nowhere. On the lips, on the cheek, on the back of his hand, on the top of his head; there didn’t seem to be a single place that was immune from his boyfriend's random acts of affection. As much as he appreciated the gestures, they confused him to no end.
He needed to figure this out before he made a fool of himself.
As he rested on the couch one night, mindlessly watching some nameless show that amounted to little more than background noise, he waited for Tenya to return from his training. Even during the designated down time every evening, he remained dedicated to keeping in shape and exercising his quirk. He really was the face of their class in more ways than a simple title.
“Shouto!” Tenya’s voice chimed through the room. Shouto turned his head to see his boyfriend approaching, hair damp with sweat and cheeks flushed with exertion. A white towel was slung around his shoulders and his eyes were pinched in a warm smile that had Shouto’s stomach flipped pleasantly. On occasion, he was struck by how attractive Tenya could be without even trying…
Without hesitating, Tenya walked over and dipped down, effortlessly planting a kiss on the top of Shouto’s head. Though he closed his eyes and appreciated the gentle gesture, he finally gave voice to the question that had been prickling under his skin for quite a while:
“Why do you do that?”
Tenya pulled away, confusion etched across his face. “Why do I do what?”
Shouto pushed himself up into a straighter sitting position and gestured to his own face. “Why do you kiss me like that?”
Hesitation replaced confusion on his boyfriend’s handsome face, immediately making him feel guilty. “Ah… Do you not like it?” he inquired, looking as if he was bracing himself to be shot down or scolded. It wasn’t a look that befitted him at all. Shouto understood where it was coming from; despite his healthy group of friends, he still wasn’t the best at socializing or picking up on cues. The question likely made him think that he had failed to pick up on Shouto’s nonexistent displeasure, which certainly wasn’t the case. “I apologize. I should have asked for consent before just assuming--”
“No, that’s not it,” Shouto assured, putting up a hand to stop the worried rambling before it could begin. “I like it, don’t worry. It just confuses me.”
“Confuses you..?” While the nervous tension had faded from his shoulders with the reassurance that he hadn’t erred or offended, there was still a question in his tone. Perhaps Shouto hadn’t done a very good job of explaining himself. “What about it is confusing to you?”
“I don’t understand what it means ,” he replied, trying to find the right words to illustrate what he meant. Of course he knew that the kisses were affectionate and demonstrated a level of regard and care that he had previously never thought could be applied to him, but beyond that, he was lost. The love could be unpredictable, appearing where he both most and least expected it. While not unwelcome by any means, he wished that he could figure out what exactly Tenya’s intentions were when he randomly swooped down to claim him in a kiss.
“Different touches have different meanings. They’re another way of communicating,” he explained. “I understand what you’re trying to say when you kiss me before we go to bed or when we see each other for the first time in the morning, but you do it a lot more than there is reason for. That’s what I don’t understand.”
For a moment, Tenya studied him with a bemused expression before something in his head finally clicked. Realization visibly dawned in those intelligent eyes. “I see. You are under the impression that I am trying to tell you something when I kiss you,” he mused aloud, grabbing his chin in contemplation. “If that’s the case, then of course casual contact wouldn’t make sense to you because there is no message behind it.”
Shouto blinked. There is no message behind it . That… was an odd way of looking at things. Perhaps it could be attributed to the lack of gentle touches he had received while growing up, but he had always attributed different touches to different messages. Could it be that wasn’t the case? This entire time, could he have been wrong? Those hugs from Uraraka; those shoulder squeezes from Midoriya; those high fives from Kirishima; was it possible that they were just… casual ?
Casual. With no underlying meaning. Done simply out of impulse without any message to give. Done simply because they wanted to.
Tenya kissed him because he wanted to. No other reason.
Oh.
The thought made his stomach flutter, warmth twisting and rising to his cheeks. Ironically, learning that the kisses meant nothing made them infinitely deeper. There was nothing to communicate outside of a simple desire.
There was nothing to communicate outside of love .
Of course, Tenya would be used to those kind of touches, having grown up in such a loving home with loving parents and a loving brother… Tenya’s life was saturated with love and he had plenty to give out to someone who was starved for it.
“Oh. I see,” Shouto replied, hoping that his cheeks weren’t burning as brightly as they once had.
“If you would like me to stop or limit my kisses, I can do my best,” Tenya offered, ever generous and self-sacrificial. When he believed that Shouto may have been uncomfortable with the so-called meaningless, casual kisses, he moved to correct it. There was no need to do so, and nothing to correct.
Overwhelmed by affection, Shouto pushed himself up and planted a kiss on Tenya’s cheek. It was still flush and warm from his workout, but now it burned under his lips for a different reason entirely. Bracing himself on his broad shoulders, he pulled away enough to look him in the eye.
“Don’t. Don’t ever stop,” he insisted.
Awestruck, Tenya smiled at him and nodded in understanding. “Of course. As long as you want it,” he promised.
Keeping his hands braced on his boyfriend’s shoulders, Shouto hesitated a brief moment before suggesting, “And if I would like it now?”
A small laugh bubbled at Tenya’s lips. “Then I would be more than happy to oblige.”
As their lips met again in a sweet, now well-practiced kiss, Shouto found himself sinking into it. This clarification was all he had needed for the world to make sense again. Even if these casual kisses had no explicit meaning, they had a sweet indication of their love.
Each casual kiss translated to I love you. Nothing more. And nothing less.