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Their movie had long since finished but they lingered on the couch, content to be in each other's presence. The silence of Carlos’s home wrapped around them in a comforting embrace as they lay intertwined with each other, neither quite sure where one started and the other began. More and more that was true as they made the transition from being just people to a pair. More and more each day they were becoming “TK and Carlos;” more and more their hearts were just as intertwined as their bodies.
It was a concept and a prospect that excited TK - he loved this man and to be so wrapped up in him, to be so completely surrounded by his presence and his love felt like a miracle. But there was still that traitorous part of his brain that wouldn’t allow him to settle, that kept a steady stream of doubt trickling through his subconscious. In these quiet moments, it was a little bit louder. Tonight it was loud enough that he felt he couldn’t keep it in any longer.
When he spoke it felt like his voice was interrupting a dream, pulling reality back into a place it wasn't wanted: “Carlos?” he asked, voice soft in deference to this moment he hated to shatter.
When Carlos turned his gaze to meet his own he swallowed and asked his question: “Why did you choose me?”
Carlos sat up, pulling away from TK as he did so. “What?” he asked, expression furrowed.
“That night at the bar” TK clarified, “why did you choose me?”
Carlos was still frowning at him, “Was there another insanely attractive firefighter I was supposed to ask to dance?”
TK rolled his eyes. “I’m being serious, Carlos,” he declared, also sitting up straighter. “Why me?”
Carlos held his gaze for a few moments before reaching out and grasping TK’s hand in his own. He intertwined their fingers, twisting their hands together for a few moments longer as he considered. When he spoke, his voice almost startled TK.
“It just felt right, I suppose.”
“But why?” TK asked again, desperation edging into his voice. “What about me could possibly make someone like you be willing to take that risk?”
Carlos looked at him sadly. This insecurity wasn’t new - they’d had similar conversations before. Each time TK doubted himself, thought himself unlovable, hit Carlos with a fresh pang. He used their intertwined hands to pull TK closer to him, pulling him flush against his chest. Maybe if he could hear how strongly his heart beat for him, he would stop having such doubts.
Until then, he would do whatever he could to reassure him, “As I’m sure you remember, that bar isn’t even technically where we met.”
When TK gave him a puzzled look he elaborated, “it was earlier that night, at the accident call with the baby in the tree.”
Comprehension dawned on TK’s face. “I can’t believe I had forgotten about that,” he said lowly, shaking his head.
Carlos shrugged and smiled, “To be fair, it was dark and rainy and we were so wrapped up in rain gear it was a little hard to say who was who. Plus, later on at the bar was much more fun so I’ll forgive your lapse in memory.”
As TK relaxed, accepting this absolution, Carlos continued, “Despite all that, I couldn’t help but notice you,” he explained. “From the moment you stepped off the truck, you were like a magnet to me. I noticed you immediately. I noticed how passionate you were, how determined to save that woman. I could tell how strongly you felt things; how much your work actually meant to you. I saw the fear in your eyes when the baby was in the tree - the heartbreak when you thought that he had fallen. I approached you then because I needed to see more. Do you remember talking, at the end?”
TK nods, “You called my dad impressive,” he recalls with a smile.
Carlos grinned, “And you were quick to claim relation. Which could have potentially been seen as bragging, but it wasn’t.”
TK twisted to look at him, a curious expression on his face, “and how did you know that?”
Carlos squeezed their intertwined hands as he met TK’s eyes, “because your expression was just like it is now - full of love and affection. You weren’t bragging about him being your dad to make yourself seem better, you were proud. It showed me how much you cared; it showed me how big your heart was. I noticed, and I remembered. In that moment I knew that I had to get to know you more; so when I saw you later on at the bar standing alone, it seemed too much like fate to ignore it.”
TK was quiet in the wake of his words, “You felt all that, so quickly?” he asked softly, after some time.
Carlos nodded, “And more, every day since. This whole journey of getting to know you has been a privilege.”
“Even when I was being a dick?”
Carlos chuckled and leaned forward to place a light kiss on TK’s forehead, “Even when you were being a dick,” he agreed. “I’ve never regretted it.”
“Not even once?” TK asked, voice soft and unsure.
“Not even once,” Carlos confirmed, holding TK’s gaze steadily.
TK’s expression relaxed and he allowed himself to melt into Carlos’s chest. Carlos released the hand he was holding in favor of wrapping his arms around the other man. For tonight, he was reassured. Carlos had no doubt that it would happen again, that insecurities and doubt would once again wreak havoc on his confidence, and he would do the same thing then. He would reassure him each and every day if that is what it took for TK to think he deserved this love.
He would tell TK how much he loved him as many times as it took before he fully believed it.