Chapter Text
Edgeworth was the kind of dog owner who kept an almost obsessively close eye on his pet’s health, so he caught Pess’ pregnancy early. He noticed her gaining a bit of weight, and when she threw up on the kitchen floor one morning, without obvious reason, he was sure of the cause. The visit to the vet served only as confirmation. He was scandalized.
“I raised you better than this!” he admonished when they got home.
Pess sat down in front of him, head tilted to one side. She looked at him without a shred of guilt. Edgeworth crossed his arms and tried to look stern, but then Pess wagged her tail and opened her mouth in a doggy smile.
“But it isn’t your fault, is it?” Edgeworth kneeled and petted her neck. “You were obviously taken advantage of by some horrible mutt. Don’t worry, I’ll take care of everything.” He already had a suspicion as to who was responsible for this.
Pess happily leaned into the petting and did not look particularly worried.
—
The following day, Edgeworth arrived at his office early. As always, he threw himself into work, but he kept his ears pricked for the sound of the door opening. About an hour later, Gumshoe burst in with his usual disgusting coat and disgustingly cheery smile.
“Morning, Mr. Edgeworth! How’re you doing?”
Edgeworth slowly lowered the document he had been reading and fixed the detective with a sharp glare. “I made a very interesting discovery yesterday.”
“Uh… Yeah?” Gumshoe’s smile took on a slightly nervous tint, but he still didn’t look guilty.
“Indeed. Do you remember Pess? My dog?”
Gumshoe’s face lit up again. “‘Course I do! Pessie’s a great girl, sir.”
Edgeworth smiled venomously. “She is. And do you recall how I trusted you to look after her for two days while I was away on business a couple of weeks ago?”
“Um, yes?” Gumshoe scratched the back of his neck. “Do you need a babysitter again?”
Edgeworth’s eyes narrowed dangerously. “Not at the moment.” As though he would ever trust Gumshoe with that particular task again. “Tell me, detective, when you were ‘babysitting’ my dog, did you happen to let another dog near her?”
Gumshoe seemed to be trying to figure out exactly where this was headed, but still didn’t sense the danger he was in. “Only Missile, when we went for walkies. But he’s really friendly, so you’ve got nothing to worry about.”
“They got along well then, Pess and Missile.” Edgeworth felt a vicious satisfaction as the trap closed around the accused.
Gumshoe barged ahead, confident that he’d hit on what was worrying Edgeworth. “Like a house on fire, sir!”
Edgeworth raised his right hand. “You…”
Gumshoe smiled innocently.
Edgeworth flew to his feet and pointed an accusatory finger in Gumshoe’s face. “Your beastly dog has impregnated my poor Pess!”
Gumshoe raised both hands defensively, eyes crossing to look at the finger pointed at his nose. After processing Edgeworth’s words for a second, a look of surprise and then delight spread across his face. “Pessie is having puppies?”
Edgeworth was caught off guard by the happy reaction. Usually, people responded with fear or anger, and desperate denial to criminal accusations. But he had had years of practise recovering his composure. “That’s right. And it is due to your negligence, both in training your own pet and in caring for mine. Thus, I expect you to take full responsibility.”
Gumshoe still looked far too happy. “Of course, sir! Nothing would make me happier, sir! Only…” He added after a pause. “What do you want me to do, exactly?”
Once more, Edgeworth stumbled. He had been so preoccupied with seething over Gumshoe’s stupidity and forcing a confession out of him that he hadn’t considered a fitting punishment. He knew immediately that it was hopeless to expect any kind of monetary compensation. The detective’s pathetic salary barely covered his own living expenses. And besides, it wasn’t as though Edgeworth needed the money. “You’ll help me assure that Pess stays healthy throughout the ordeal.” He moved around the desk so he could get up in the detective’s face. “And then you’ll help raise the puppies to be better than their mutt of a father.” He jabbed his accusation finger in Gumshoe’s chest. “Also, you’ll be responsible for taking mother and puppies to and from all veterinary appointments.”
“You can count on me, sir!” Gumshoe exclaimed, still infuriatingly unaware that this was supposed to be a punishment. “I’ll be the best dog-daddy you could ever hope for.”
Edgeworth took a step back and retrieved the document he had been reading before Gumshoe entered. “Then it’s decided. You’ll report to my home immediately after work and we will set up a schedule.”
Gumshoe saluted. “Roger that, Mr Edgeworth. I gotta go interview some witnesses for the H-17 case, so I’ll see you later, okay!”
“Make sure to get me those statements before the end of the day.” Just as Gumshoe was about to exit, he went on, “Oh, and detective?”
Gumshoe turned back to look at him. His eyes shone with joy.
“Do not, under any circumstances, ever refer to yourself as a ‘dog-daddy.’”
—
Edgeworth came home that evening to a childishly excited Gumshoe sitting on his front step. He had returned to Edgeworth’s office just before the prosecutor left for the day, and was supposed to have checked in at the precinct before leaving work. Either he had finished up his paperwork way too quickly, no doubt making a dozen mistakes that would cause Edgeworth problems down the line, or he had simply forgotten the final task of the day in his excitement. When it came to Detective Gumshoe, neglected work was definitely preferable to rushed work.
“Evening, sir!” Gumshoe jumped to his feet and waited for Edgeworth to unlock the door.
Pess came to meet them in the hall, and much to Edgeworth’s chagrin, she seemed very happy to see Gumshoe.
“Hello, girl!” Gumshoe cooed, letting the dog lick his palm. “Aww, you look lovely.”
Edgeworth cleared his throat. “Please remove your shoes and step into the kitchen.”
They sat down at the small table in the kitchen. Edgeworth had already readied a print-out timetable for the coming months. “I went to the vet yesterday, and she estimated that Pess is about three weeks along, which means that she should give birth in about 6 weeks.” He circled the estimated date on the calender.
Gumshoe nodded eagerly.
They agreed on three scheduled vet appointments – or rather, Edgeworth told Gumshoe that he would be taking Pess to the every two weeks barring anything unexpected, and Gumshoe didn’t think to protest.
Gumshoe leaned his chin on his forearms with a dreamy look on his face. “I bet these puppies are gonna be real cute!”
“That’s a redundant statement. All puppies are cute. But I can’t imagine that a Borzoi-Shiba mix is going to meet with the approval of any reputable breeder.”
“Aww, but Pessie is such a fancy looking dog. And Missile’s got his sparkly eyes. Their kids are gonna be the cutest. I just know it.”
“Detective, I expect you to take this seriously.”
Gumshoe sat up ramrod straight “I am!” he exclaimed.
Edgeworth was starting to wonder if this was a mistake.
—
Edgeworth's phone rang and he felt a sting of irritation as he looked down on the screen and saw that it was Gumshoe calling. "What is it?" he said in lue of greeting.
"Hi, Mr Edgeworth. I'm at the vet!" Gumshoe sounded excited.
Edgeworth sighed. "I know. I told you to head there, didn't I?"
Gumshoe ignored, or perhaps didn't hear the question. "We've just finished the check-up and we found out how many puppies Pess is having." That actually was pertinent information, although Edgeworth didn't see why it couldn't have waited until after work. "Twelve!" Gumshoe all but shouted down the phone.
“What!?” Edgeworth exclaimed, loud enough for the other people in the archive to turn and look at him. To the uninitiated, he probably looked like a serious lawyer who had just gotten some serious news about some important case.
Edgeworth marched out into the hallway for some level of privacy. “What do you mean twelve?” he said through gritted teeth.
Gumshoe did not catch on to his frustrated tone. “Puppies, of course!”
Edgeworth leaned back against the wall. He felt faint. How were they going to care for and find homes for twelve mix-breed dogs? “How is Pess? Is she going to be alright?”
“The vet says that she should be okay, but obviously we should be keeping an eye on her, especially as it gets closer to the birth date.” Gumshoe relayed the vet’s instructions with – somewhat uncharacteristic – calm and clarity, which made Edgeworth feel a little better.
Still. Twelve puppies.
“Thank you for calling me. Take Pess back home and return to the office.” He hung up and returned to the archive.
—
Edgeworth hadn't really thought it through when he demanded Gumshoe help with the puppies. If he had, he would have realized that Gumshoe would be spending a lot of time in Edgeworth's home, touching Edgeworth's things and talking way too much. Edgeworth had to remind him to take his shoes off almost every time and he kept interrupting Edgeworth while he was trying to work. However, as much as the detective's presence irritated him, he refused to let him off the hook for what his dog had done. Even if Gumshoe didn’t understand that it was meant to be a punishment.
He did draw a line at certain things.
“That little monster will not set one paw inside my home.”
Gumshoe looked down at Missile almost as if he was expecting that he had been switched for an actual monster. Missile was panting merrily, staring up at Edgeworth with round eyes. It was hard to believe such a guileless looking animal could cause so much trouble.
Twelve puppies!
“Leave him on the porch.” He said and turned to head back into his house. “And take your shoes off!”
Pess came into the vestibule and when she spotted Missile she yipped happily and wagged her tail. She was much too well trained to rush at the other dog, but Missile was a different story. He barked loudly and strained against his leach.
“Control your dog, Detective.”
Gumshoe picked Missile up and tucked him under his arm like a football. “Guess I’ll go tie this guy up around the corner.” Missile barked happily as Gumshoe carried him off, despite the glare Edgeworth was shooting him.
Edgeworth went back to the living room, from where he could see the back garden and porch. Gumshoe managed to find his way without getting lost. Although he tripped over his feet a couple of times because of his gawking at Edgeworth’s garden. It irked Edgeworth – his garden was nothing worth special notice. It wasn’t especially large and the flower beds were fairly simplistic.
Gumshoe tied Missile to one of the poles holding up the porch roof. He ruffled the fur between his ears and said something Edgeworth couldn’t hear. Then he moved towards the glass door leading into the living room, but Edgeworth gestured for him to go back around. The detective gave him a confused look and made no effort to obey.
Edgeworth sighed. “Your shoes,” he said, loud enough to be heard through the window.
Gumshoe stared at his shoes for several seconds before understanding. He grinned and gave Edgeworth am exuberant thumbs up before finally heading back around to the front door.
It did occur to Edgeworth that his constant complaining and detailed instructions prolonged the detective’s visits. But he couldn’t seem to stop himself. It was the principal of the thing.
In the hall, Gumshoe removed his ratty coat and shoes. He smiled at Pess and slapped his knees as he leaned down to talk to her. "Hello, Pessie!"
Pess wagged her tail in response and let Gumshoe ruffle the fur around her neck.
"I'm surprised she's taken such a liking to you," Edgeworth said evenly. Pess was usually pretty reserved with people who weren't Edgeworth.
A furrow appeared between Gumshoe's eyebrows. "Well," he said slowly. "Dogs don't really notice that typa stuff, I don't think."
Edgeworth had learned that asking Gumshoe to clarify himself often led to some kind of inane story or harebrained theory. However, those instances were always telegraphed by an encouraging smile, begging for a follow-up question. In this case, Gumshoe had gone back to petting Pess without even looking at Edgeworth.
"What 'typa' thing are you referring to?"
Gumshoe looked up in surprise, before averting his gaze again. "Y'know," he muttered. He was trying to smile, but the expression was slightly strained. "How fancy people are, and stuff."
Edgeworth blinked. "That's..." He decided to chalk it up to the detective's general obtuseness rather than anything else. “…Obviously not what I was talking about. Pess is very sensitive and she usually doesn’t enjoy attention from people who are not me."
Gumshoe looked up again. This time the surprise shifted into a bright grin. "Huh, wow. I never noticed that," he said, doing a poor job of hiding his pride. "We always get along great, don't we, Pessie?" He turned his attention back to the dog and scratched her behind the ear.
Edgeworth had to remind himself that it was exactly that amiability which had led to this whole mess.
The three of them moved to the living room. Missile spotted Pess through the window and started barking and wagging his tail. Pess looked up and calmly wagged her tail a couple of times before strolling over to the window. Missile barked and bowed, heedless of the glass between them.
"Aww," Gumshoe cooed.
Pess let out a single yip and trotted up and down the window like she was chasing the other dog. Missile ran and leapt and then tripped over his own lead and fell on his face. He got up quickly and seemed no worse for wear, and no less happy. His mouth hung open in a doggy smile. Edgeworth was reminded of the old adage of dogs looking like their owner.