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“You’re my everything, Katherine.”
Katherine sat on Jacks lap, looking out towards the infinite darkened sky. The occasional star blinked into sight, dancing and shimmering as if to mimic the Christmas lights Kath missed so dearly. There’s a warmth surrounding her waist, granted by her boyfriends arms wrapped snuggly around her, and against her backside, curtesy of his chest pressed so closely against it. There was slight movement, slow, serene, and pushing her forward ever so slightly. A quiet whistle filled the room from Jacks slow in and out breathing through his nose, and Kath didn’t need to look at him to know his eyes were shut in content.
Jack Kelly was a kid who had a lot of talk to him but no intent. You had to be careful with him, because he was a boy who had dreams bigger than his head could hold, bigger than the world could offer. They were brighter than the stars Katherine admired currently, and had as much deep-seeded ache and doubt that someone could hold in so little time. The brighter the glimmer, the more ache behind them, Kath soon figured out. The desperation swirling in with the ache only fueled the star more. Jack Kelly would promise you the world, and with one look into his glazed bright eyes, you’d believe him. Not only that, Katherine noticed, but you’d want to give him the world too.
You’d have to be careful because soon, you’d want the world too, if only to give to him. You’d have to be careful because, well, reality will always dim in comparison to the dreams he’ll have made. And when he’d come down, leave his head and every daydream with each penthouse and perfect world, there’s a hurt you’d see. An undeniable hurt, a disappointment, an ache. Just because he had to come back to this world eventually. In the end, he didn’t just break his own heart.
But Katherine soon learned she didn’t need to be as careful as she thought. Whatever it was, maybe her, or the realization that if you push back the world will give in, or even just growing up. Whatever it was, Jack had soon come to realize his daydreams weren’t as great as they seemed. The world was cynical, the world was cruel, and it subjected to Jack and everyone he knew to so much abuse it easily torn away even the strongest of wills. It hadn’t left Jack high and dry, but in a way, he was still drained of all the life a young boy oughta have. All he did was dream, dream of another world and another life, never getting to truly experience what this one could be. Maybe Jack realized that. Maybe he just managed to snatch his life back before it was fully taken.
Katherine didn’t know what did it, or what it was. She doubted she’d ever be able to figure out her impossible boy fully anytime soon. But she didn’t mind. No, not really.
Jack had promised her the world, and she repeated his sentiments. Neither broke their vows, and Katherine was reminded of that each gentle word, each jeer, each arm linked together or each gesture given. They fought, they bickered, and a lot of times Katherine was not the biggest fan of her boyfriend. But there was such an overwhelming tug at her heart, such an overwhelming infatuation and happiness that enveloped her whenever he was around, it didn’t matter.
Despite all that’s happened, despite what might still happen, Katherine can feel that. She can feel that safety and that love surrounding the two of them in an intoxicating aroma. They both fell prey to it each and every time. They had no self control when it came to each other. Not in a sexual, or even overtly dramatic way. They were simply addicted to the others presence. Constantly intoxicated when the other was around. Dazed, but completely there if only to drink each other in. The feeling wasn’t always as intense, most times dimming to a calmer state, but it was there. Katherine suspected it always would be.
Her fingers traced over Jacks arm, making a trail from his knuckle to his mid-arm and back again. She stopped occasionally to rub slow circles into certain spots before returning to her rhythm. She wanted to lean back into him and never return. In fact, she couldn’t really remember a time where she had wanted to leave his presence. It had always felt like a cold wind abruptly starting up and leaving trails of goosebumps along any exposed part of her. She vaguely connected that to attachment issues on both their parts.
Space. How the hell did Katherine land up in space with her boyfriends arms around her and several other of his friends? Well, she remembers wanting to write about it. And she knows she would be one in a billion if she took the opportunity. And she definitely knows it was Jacks dream, and she had always done anything she could to make his dreams. Plus, this could make her career if she gathered some fame from this experimental trip.
She could remember when Jack had first told her about the dream of escaping.
They were both still hesitant around each other. It was the first time Jack had fully opened up to her, and the first time of many. He took her to his rooftop, or his penthouse. He looked at her with a wide smile that directly contradicted the tears slipping down his cheeks and onto his shoes. She hadn’t asked him a single thing, simply letting him sob and laugh in her arms, holding onto her so tightly but oh so gently, and when he finally looked up at her, she felt woozy. He was looking at her with so much love and adoration, her knees felt weak. He looked at her the way one might look at an angel, or the way you may look at someone who had just tossed all the stars into the sky for you. She was his world, and Katherine would be lying if the thought didn’t make her feel faint.
“I used to want to go to Santa Fe,” Jack told her, a closed mouth smile lingering on his face.
“I know. Everyone knows, Jack.” Katherine teased, her voice low but jaunty. Jack kisses her hand.
“But..people like your fatha, they’re everywhere. I’d probably just end up a stable-boy instead of a newsie.”
“Yeah, maybe you’d start out like that. But look at all you’ve managed to do here Jack. With your art, with these boys, just everything. It’s not like you’d have to do that forever.” Jack mirthlessly laughs in response.
“I know. But no matter where I go, what I do, there will always be Newsies and shitty parents and Pulitzers. That’s how the world is.”
“I know. I hate it too, love.”
“So, we’re gonna go to the moon. Or another planet.” Jack mused, prompting a laugh from Katherine.
“What?” She managed to giggle out, her eyes widened.
“Me and you, you know? Or maybe all the newsies. Anyone who’s ever been mistreated. We’ll make a new world.”
“Oh, Jack.”
Katherine sighed, feeling Jacks head move to bury itself more in Katherines hair. With one last glance at the stars in the endless sky, she relented.
“We have other tasks to do, love. We should get a move on.”
“Let other people do them, Ace.”
“Jack.”
“Ace,”
“You’re ridiculous.”
Despite Katherines suggestion, neither of them move a muscle. There’s only the steady beat of breath, and the calm, still air around them. Katherine doesn’t keep track of how long they go sitting in the quiet again.
“I’m sorry,” Jack mumbles into her hair. Katherine nods, her eyes glancing down at her hands which have stopped shaking, but are yet to remain cease their jitters. Her body remained still, but everything inside her still felt like they were still going through an earthquake. She scrunches her eyes closed and lets out a breath.
“It’s okay,” she mutters, “We’re okay.”
It had just been hours earlier that they found two mutilated bodies of their fellow crew mates. Specs had been found in security, puncture marks lining every part of his body, and a face contorted to reflect all the pain and horror he had experienced moments before. Katherine had to close his eyes and mouth as to not stare at the frightening picture any longer. Finch had been found in electrical. They couldn’t see any haunted expression, carved into stone on his face as his entire head was missing. In fact, his entire upper body was missing. They left his spine behind.
It was Kath who initially stumbled upon Specs mangled remains. She didn’t think she could ever scream quite so deafening. She quivered and shook, her ears rung and her body switched to autopilot. Jack cried and held her hair back while she puked. His cries were guttered, and abrupt, only landing into the air every so often. They were choked, unable to find a way to come out. Katherines eyes were wet from emptying her stomach of anything she still had in her system, her hands shook along with her breath, but never once did she cry.
They were only to move in pairs. Out of the remaining folk, Race was with Albert, Romeo with Davey and Les, Jack with Crutchie, and Katherine with Spot. But as of right now, they couldn’t do that. Right now, they needed to checkout. To leave this awful place and to never, ever come back. Lost in each other’s touch, comforted by each breath that serves as a reminder. A reminder that they’re okay.
Katherine was, for once, speechless. She figures this time its okay.
“I’m scared, Ace.” Jack breathed out, his voice naturally lowered as a thick lump formed in his throat. His grip on her tightens, and her hand edges over to rest on his. It still shakes, even against her lovers hand. Their breaths remain slow and steady.
“I keep seeing their bodies. And I force the image out, again and again, but it’s burnt into my head. And— and I keep imagining it as one of us. I keep imagining finding you, mangled and torn up because I wasn’t there to protect you. On Crutchie, with his smile ripped from his face just like Finches, and, and,” Jack lets out another gut-wrenching sob, one that reaches straight into Kath’s chest and tears her heart out.
Yes, she had seen it all too. Yes, she wasn’t in that great a place either. And she was never too wonderful about hiding her feelings. She’s so, so terrified, she’s nearly been rendered mute. Her mind refuses to remember any piece of the ordeal, and frankly, she doesn’t blame it. But seeing Jack so torn up, so scared and in search of comfort, something about that absolutely destroys Katherine. A familiar ache places itself deep in her stomach, and suddenly she is oh so upset.
Suddenly, an anger builds up and runs through her blood, coursing through every bit of her. And though she probably shouldn’t be so furious at the situation, she is so overwhelmed. There’s so much shock, so much grief, so much fear. And sometimes, you’re just angry for lack of a better emotion. That, and Jack Kelly deserves so much better. And she’ll be damned if she doesn’t give that to him.
“Jack,” she speaks out, her words hanging in the desperately heavy air. She shifts in his lap in order to face him.
“Jack Kelly, pull yourself together. Worrying isn’t doing us any good right now. I’m going to keep us safe, okay? Both of us. And then we’ll get home, probably go to therapy, and get ourselves a nice apartment together. One near the lounge. And we’ll make eggs and bacon each morning and just be so stupidly in love, it’ll make us sick. You hear me? I need you to trust me, Jack.” Kath announces, her hands reaching for Jacks in order to squeeze them tight. She never lets her eyes lose contact.
“Katherine,” Jack pulls his hands away, “Specs and Finch are dead. Don’t you get that?” He hisses, inching them both off the chair to step away from her.
“You are so impossible. I know that, don’t treat me like a child. But Jack, what good will worrying and grieving do us now? We’re only more likely to become targets. You need to focus on surviving, Jack. Don’t you get that?” Katherine pleaded, her arms crossing and holding each other. Jack sighs and nods his head.
“Lets find our partners. We’ve been gone long enough.” Jack murmurs, his lips barely moving away from each other.
“Okay.” Katherine agreed, scanning his body for any sense of emotion. His head hung low and his hands rigid, his eyesight refusing to leave the flooring. He was so tightly wound, Katherine feared if she reached out to touch him he would unravel, leaving her in a mess of stress and by her lonesome.
Though occasionally brushing against one another, neither made any attempt to physically console the other. Their footsteps were heavy, and palpable. It was the only noise to fill the air as they walked side by side, faces crinkled with thought. It wasn’t until they discovered another rancid smell, this time emerging from the communications room. They both glanced at each other warily and before Katherine can even lift her radio, Jacks arm grasps onto her.
“Ace,” he muttered, his voice low and his words sticky, “I just wanted you to know I love you. And..I mean really love you. You make everything worth it. You’re my world, my escape, my everything.” Katherine smiles gently towards him and pats his hand.
“Love you too, cowboy.”
With an affirming smile, they both entered the room. Dried blood was scattered about, some simply splatter, others handprints painting a desperate scene. And of course, there lie Crutchie, a hand covering a presumed bullet hole. Katherine began to shake again, her breaths becoming more ragged and short. Vaguely, though her head is light and her thoughts distracted, she recognizes the signs of a panic attack. She can feel her mouth open and released a gutted scream, but it doesn’t feel real. Everything is too much, there’s too much, she can’t breathe and there’s no air. She’s so far away and yet she can’t breathe, she can’t feel her chest move or hear herself scream. Too much, too much, too much.
Jack radioed it in at some point. Katherine had taken refuge outside, pacing, clutching her arms and desperately gasping for breath. She’s led to the cafeteria, though she doesn’t know when or even by who, but she feels their strong grip around her and she knows it’s not Jack. There’s voices around her but they’re so far away and god, she’s so scared.
It only takes her a few more minutes to recuperate. When she does, she looks to see Jack next to her, a hand on her shoulder and everyone else bickering in a panic. They’re circled around one of the tables in the center. She reaches up to squeeze her lovers hand before finally listening into the bicker, shoving any trace of anxiety and grief down for the time being. It helps that she can still feel a hand on her shoulder.
“Listen, I dont want to cause a fight either but—“ Race started.
“But nothing. You’re creating suspicion for no reason. I say we just stick in one big group since partners didn’t work.” Davey reasoned, keeping Les pressed closely to his side.
“What, so we can all get killed? Whatta a genius idea!” Race sneered. Albert finally chimed in.
“It’s obviously Jack, alright? He was Crutchies partner.”
The grip on her shoulder tightened.
“You think I did this? That was my best friend!” Jack snapped, and not even a second later the room had erupted into a chorus of shouting and arrays of arguments. Katherine took this opportunity to speak to Jack.
“Why won’t you tell them we were together?”
“They’ll suspect Spot. Or both of us.”
“So? Jack, just tell them. Whatever comes after it we can deal with.”
“Ace, it’s fine. I’m just trying to protect you and Spot.”
“Screw Spot! He could have killed everyone for all we know! Jack, what if they do something to you?”
“Then I’ll deal with it. I don’t want you getting hurt.”
“I don’t want you hurt either, Jack.”
“I know, Ace.”
And within just a mere moment, Spot is grabbing both of Jacks arms, ripping him away from Katherine. He struggles against him briefly but with one glance to Katherines horrified expression, he stops.
“Spot says you and Katherine ran off together, but Kath was accounted for when Specs and Finch died, me and Albert had seen Spot hang around Medbay. And Romeo and Davey are vouching for each other.” Race explained. Davey shoots an apologetic look towards Jack.
“Look, maybe we can just lock him up instead of—“
“Instead of what, Davey? You saw how Finch and Specs ended up. If he can manage to do that to someone, he can easily escape a locked room. Then what happens when he guns for you and that kid of yours huh?” Race prompted. Daveys gaze dropped to his feet.
“No, I was with him the whole time. It wasn’t him.” Katherine pleaded, moving towards Jack and standing protectively in front of him. She continued.
“You know him. You’re scared. I get it! I am too! But Jack is our friend. Our leader. I know you guys don’t really believe it’s him.” Katherines words left the room in an utter desolate silence. It hung lowly in the air, leaving everyone stuck in place. Katherine held her breath.
“Look, I’m really sorry, but we can’t be taking anymore chances.” Race told her, gesturing for Albert to open the hatch. Katherine gaped in horror before latching onto Jack, shooting a glare towards anyone who dared to look towards her.
“No, don’t you dare!” She yelled out, “I won’t let you! You aren’t thinking this through!” Her eyes were glossy, and they darted around from person to person, looking for any once of remorse to rely on. It wasn’t long before Romeo came behind her to restrain her arms and drag her away from Jack. She screamed and attempted to lift her legs to kick Romeo. Romeo sits her down in a chair, his grip only tightening.
“Let go of me! Let go of him! Leave us alone! Think this through! Please.” She begged, her eyes searching for Jacks warm brown ones. A guttered sob escapes her.
“Please, please don’t do this. Its not him. It’s not him! Please. Please.” She sobbed.
“Hey, heyyy. Ace, look at me.” Kath blinks away her years to the best of her ability, eyes finally finding his. Another sob escapes. Her heartbeat slows.
“There you go. Don’t cry, aight? You’re breaking my poor heart.”
“Jack, oh Jack. I’m so sorry.”
“You don’t have anything to be sorry for. It’s okay.”
“I couldn’t protect you. Oh god, please, Jack, please.”
“What’d I say about cryin’? C’mon, you don’t want to send your lover boy off with a smile?” Katherines sobs only return, along side her screaming for Jack.
Spot tugs Jack furthers Albert getting ready to open the hatch ay any given cue. None of them meet anyone else’s eyes, except for Jack and Katherine. Their eyes locked together and never leaving, desperate for any type of contact, comfort. Some kind of reassurance. Traces of the grand love they shared, swirling in that contact, in each hue in their eyes. They held on to the last time they would ever feel this way about someone, held onto those memories that after this would bring nothing but grief and hurt. They cherished each other, because after this happened, they’d be gone. They’d simply cease to exist, and neither was ready to find out just how painful that really is.
“Hey, Ace. Don’t cry alright? You gave me the best life I coulda asked for. More love than I ever knew was possible.” Katherine pressed her lips together, a precaution taken in order to ensure another gut-wrenching sob wouldn’t interrupt the last moment they would have together.
“You were all I ever needed, Jack Kelly. You were my everything. My world and then some.”
Race nodded to Albert and Spot.
“I love you, Jack.”
“I love you too, Ace.”
The hatch opens. With a gentle shove, Jack is tossed into orbit and the hatch is shut once again. The room is quiet and airless, though not different from before, a certain heaviness weighs on it. A quiet understanding remains of what they just did, and what can never be taken back. Katherine is quiet, save for her sobs. Romeo lets go of her arms, and they move to wrap themselves around her small stature.
“You were my everything, Jack Kelly.”