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If Taehyung had to consider what the most important things in his life are—an easy and foreseeable list would most likely come to him: Yeontan, Jimin, his best friends, his stash of ramen that he’s glaring at currently as he retrieves it from the empty space under his dorm bed, his family, strawberries, Haikyuu—and of course, Jeongguk.
Right, Jeongguk.
Honestly speaking, Jeongguk would probably take the top of that list. And perhaps that should surprise him, or even concern him—and it does, just a tad bit, considering he’s only 20—but he supposes he’s sort of gotten past the revelation that he’s been irrevocably in love with his best friend since the ripe age of 13.
And god, is it hard to stop loving him.
Jeongguk is all things precious in the world, he’s the light breeze on a warm, summer day, the daisies that litter a field of grass. He’s good, something so wonderful in the midst of all the darkness that plagues the world and Taehyung thinks that no matter what happens, no matter if his feelings remain just that—feelings—he truly wouldn’t care. Because yes, being with Jeongguk—well, that would certainly be a gift. Taehyung wouldn’t be harboring feelings if he didn’t think that the idea of that was beyond his wildest dreams.
But even just knowing the boy, even just being best friends with him and getting to look at the stars that speckle his eyes everyday until Jeongguk finds someone better than him is just enough—overwhelming enough for Taehyung to be satiated for the rest of his life. Because Jeongguk deserves nothing but love and affection, and if Taehyung can still give that to him—whether it be romantically, or platonically—it’s okay with him.
“Taehyungie!” The older boy suddenly hears, jolting as he drops the ramen packets he’d be holding. He panics for a moment, eyes wide open—as if the intruder could possibly hear his way too sappy thoughts about his best friend.
The distressed boy looks towards his door at the noise, his gaze softening as it lands on none other than his adorable beyond belief Jeongguk—giggling, arms full of strawberry pocky.
Taehyung positively melts at the sight.
But he’d never say that.
“Guk!” He decides to reprimand him, instead—looking at the mess of ramen packets on the floor, “Give a guy a warning, will you? Jeez.”
“Oh!” Jeongguk’s eyes widen, not looking apologetic for a second. He does this everytime. “M’sorry, Taehyungie.” He walks into the room, further. His eyes dart towards the mess. “So that’s where you hide your ramen.”
Taehyung shakes his head, “Don’t act like you didn’t know where it was before this.”
“I know,” The younger looks smug, wiggling his eyebrows, “I just like to remind myself of my special Taehyungie privileges every once in a while.”
“Shush,” Taehyung hushes, but there’s no bite in his words. It’s not like he was wrong, or anything. Jeongguk did have his special Taehyungie privileges. “Do you want ramen?”
“Do you know me?”
“A yes would have sufficed.” Taehyung responds, clicking his tongue. He grabs two ramen packs off the floor, stashing the rest of it away. “To what do I owe the pleasure of having my favorite Gukkie visit me?”
Jeongguk pauses in his tracks, setting down the pocky on the desk beside him. He walks further into the room, groaning as he falls back onto Taehyung’s bed—rubbing at the corner of his eyes. “I have an issue.”
The older hums, using Jimin’s keuring to pour boiling water into a cup. “Continue.”
The younger turns on his side, facing the back of his best friend. His eyes dart up and down. “I’m in love.”
Taehyung has never felt his heart plummet so fast at the words. Jeongguk is in love? Questions flood his brain as he contemplates the sudden confession. Who does he love? It can’t be me, right? What do they look like? Are they a better person than me? They must be, if Jeongguk is in love with them. He’s in love?
He feels beyond physically nauseous, the nasty feeling at the bottom of his stomach growing and gnawing at him as he continues to fully register that Jeongguk is in love with someone, and it’s probably not him. Taehyung is going to have to give him up to someone else for love and affection, and god, he isn’t prepared for that.
In a fit of panic, he accidentally veers the cup of boiling water from pouring into the ramen and instead onto his hand. His fingers burn with the singe of the water and he curses frantically, yelping out an “Ouch, what the hell!” as he bounces around the room, trying desperately to soothe both the pain of his aching hand and his broken heart.
“Taehyung!” Jeongguk is on his feet in a moment, running up behind the boy as his arms reach out and wrap around his waist—attempting to balance him, “What happened?”
And the hands on his waist burn him even more—coloring his cheeks in a bright, crimson red—because no matter how much he and Jeongguk cuddle and hug each other on a daily basis, he’d never get fully used to it. Not when he was so incredibly gone for the boy.
He falls back into the newfound support, flustered as he barely makes out, “I was pouring the water into the cup for the ramen but it got on my hand, instead.” He pouts. “And now it’s burning.”
“You idiot,” Jeongguk breathes out, a soft whisper onto the shell of Taehyung’s ear. Taehyung reserves the right to have a mental breakdown about this later. “You always do this. Just let me make the ramen from now on.”
He steadies them both, unlatching himself from Taehyung’s waist. Taehyung almost whines at the loss, but he keeps it in—especially as Jeongguk moves to grab his hand instead. “Let me see,” He reprimands, tugging Taehyung’s arm up to his eyes, “Tae, take better care of yourself. Please. For me?”
“It’s not like I was trying to burn my hand,” The older mutters, and perhaps he’s acting a little childish—but he can’t help it. It’s in his nature to be a baby sometimes. “It was just an accident! And besides, don’t think I forgot your little confession. You shouldn’t drop such important information on me without notice!”
“Hey,” Jeongguk coos, intertwining their hands together and tugging him over to the bed. The two of them sit down. “Don’t blame me for this. This was entirely your own doing. And this stupid dorm has no ice, so now am I supposed to take care of you?”
Taehyung makes grabby hands at the boy, “Cuddles. Just give me cuddles.” He mutters, the pain of the burn still on the back of his mind. “And,” He falters for a moment, the words getting caught in his throat. Honestly speaking, he doesn’t want to hear about the person Jeongguk is in love with—not really. But he’d always been sort of a curious masochist—and god, he needed to know. “Tell me, uh, about who you’re in love with. I’m so happy for you, Guk.”
As if sensing his distress, Jeongguk waves him away. “Never mind that. We can talk about it later. For now,” He shifts on the bed, backing up to the headboard. Without any warning (as Taehyung has come to realize, is true Jeongguk fashion), he brings the older boy into his arms, situating his head on the younger’s chest. “Cuddles it is.”
Taehyung squirms in his grasp, but makes no move to leave it. He can’t bring himself to. Ever. “Gukkie,” He groans, “Warnings are important!”
Jeongguk giggles—but he doesn’t respond to the scolding, only leaving a small kiss on Taehyung’s forehead before whispering, “C’mon. Let’s take a nap, Taehyungie.”
And Taehyung has come to accept how whipped he is for this boy as he is once again putty in his hands, complying without any hesitation.
…
attempt #1
The topic of Jeongguk’s love doesn’t come up again until the two of them are at the younger’s dance practice, waiting for Jimin and him to finish up.
If Taehyung’s being honest, the thought of Jeongguk being in love with someone hasn’t left his mind since Jeongguk mentioned it. Every waking moment that Taehyung has to himself is now reserved for pretending he’s Sherlock Holmes, trying to piece together all the information possible to figure out who it is his best friend is so gone for.
So far, this is what he has:
- Jeongguk is gay, so it must be a boy.
- Jeongguk is in love with someone. He doesn’t just like someone—he loves them. So it must be someone he knows well.
- Going off his last point, it’s probably either Yoongi, Hoseok, Namjoon, Jimin, or Seokjin.
- He’s betting it’s Hoseok because Jeongguk loves clinging to Hoseok the most and honestly, who wouldn’t love Hoseok? But they’re all fair game.
- Namjoon is a viable option because he was Jeongguk’s first crush, too. Who’s to say that didn’t just turn into love?
- And Seokjin—he takes it back. They’re definitely all viable options.
- Taehyung really doesn’t think he can handle one of his best friends and Jeongguk dating.
It’s not the most sustainable list—and more than half of it is speculation. But it’s appeasing Taehyung enough for him to be able to restrain himself from spitting out “Hey, Gukkie, who the hell is it that you’re in love with?” every time he sees the boy—so it’s okay enough, he supposes.
Luckily for him, Jeongguk eventually brings it up himself.
“You know, Tae,” He suddenly mentions, lifting up his shirt to wipe the sweat rolling down his neck from all the dancing he just did. Taehyung looks up from the art he was working on at the call—requiring all the willpower known to man to not drool at the sight of his washboard abs. “I’m really in love with this boy.”
That sad, melancholy feeling overcomes Taehyung again at the reminder. Get over it, Taehyung. “Oh, yeah?” He mumbles, trying to hide his distaste as much as possible, “Are you going to tell me who this boy is, or are they forever going to remain a mystery to me?”
“Well,” Jeongguk giggles, sliding down the wall to sit next to the older. He attempts to latch onto the older, but Taehyung shrugs him off—his nose shriveling up at the smell of sweat, “I don’t wanna tell you who it is just yet. But I wanna tell you things about him.”
And that? That’s the worst situation possible for Taehyung. To hear about how great this person is, what exactly Jeongguk likes about them—but to not know who it actually is? Someone pinch him, because Taehyung thinks that he somehow woke up in his worst nightmare—that somehow the karma for everything bad he’d ever done in his life has come down to this very incident.
Nevertheless, he shrugs, attempting to remain nonchalant. “Okay, what do you want to tell me?”
“I’m beyond in love with this guy,” Jeongguk gazes at Taehyung, a small smile adorning his face. The latter wishes he was the reason for that smile. “Because he’s so passionate. Seriously. The love he has for what he does, it’s beyond anything I’ve ever seen.”
He pauses, sighing longingly as he rests his head on Taehyung’s shoulder. “I mean, he himself is beyond anything I’ve ever seen, so I guess I shouldn’t be so surprised. But Tae, really, I admire him so much.”
Passionate.
Well, that’s vague, Taehyung ponders grumpily—hoping that at least the newfound information would narrow his search. He knows so many passionate people. I mean, hell, there’s Jimin right now—dancing passionately on the other side of the practice room in his peripheral vision, as if it’s the last thing he’d ever do—
“—I know who it is!” The older screams abruptly, nearly knocking over his own artwork. It’s Jimin, it had to be Jimin. Of course, it’s Jimin. His soulmate is the most passionate and beautiful person he knows, why wouldn’t Jeongguk like Jimin? It all makes sense now, he thinks, trying to ignore the bitter feeling creeping up on him. He should be happy for his two best friends, nothing else.
“You do?” Jeongguk’s eyes widen in panic, orbs darting frantically around Taehyung’s face. “Who is it?”
“How did I not see this before?” Taehyung forces himself to giggle, “It’s Jimin, isn’t it? I mean Jiminie is the most passionate person I know. He dances everyday because he loves dance so much. And you’re scared of telling me because you think you need my permission to be with him, right? Well, I know Jiminie and I call each other soulmates, but there’s nothing romantic there, so you don’t need my permission or anything. You guys—”
“—What?” The younger cuts him off, large doe eyes blinking in confusion. “What? I don’t like Jimin. No, Tae, you’ve got it all wrong. God,” He groans, face palming. He takes a deep breath, as if trying to calm himself down. “I mean I love Jimin. Don’t get me wrong. But I’m not in love with him at all, Taehyungie. That’s—no. I’m not in love with Jimin.”
“Oh,” Taehyung breathes out, embarrassed. He retracts into himself, backing down. “Oh, um, you’re sure? You’re not in love with Jimin?”
“God, no,” Jeongguk shakes his head, laughing, “Besides, Jimin is hopelessly in love with Yoongi. And Yoongi obviously loves him back. Even if I did like him, I’d never stand a chance. I would just try to get over any feelings I had as fast as I could.”
The older despises the flood of relief that seems to course through his veins at the reassurance that it is indeed, not his other best friend. That would’ve been far too much pain for him to handle, really. Plus, Jimin knew of his undying crush on Jeongguk—and Taehyung wouldn’t want his unresolvable feelings to get in the way of a potentially amazing relationship. It just wasn’t fair to them. “Oh,” He giggles— fucking giggles because he just can’t help it. “I was so positive I was right.”
“And you’re adorable,” The younger responds, placing a gentle arm around Taehyung’s shoulder, “But you’re not right.”
“So it’s not Yoongi either, then?”
“Nope,” Jeongguk says, popping the p. “Not Yoongi either.”
“Damn,” Taehyung curses, pouting. He whines, “When are you going to tell me?”
“Eventually, Tae. Eventually.” Jeongguk teases, and Taehyung knows he’s having way too much fun with this. “But for right now, can we please go get some food? I’ve been dying for fried chicken all day.”
Taehyung is so, so fond of this boy. It’s ridiculous. “Okay,” He nods, sporting a soft grin on his face, “Let me gather my art stuff, and then we can go.”
…
attempt #2
Unfortunately for Taehyung, the reassurance doesn’t last very long.
Not that he blames himself, really. Yeah, Taehyung was able to take Yoongi and Jimin (thankfully) out of the equation, but that still left him with 3 other people to be concerned about—namely Hoseok, Seokjin, and Namjoon.
Hoseok was a primary cause for concern, as Taehyung mentioned prior, because Jeongguk loves clinging to him. Hoseok was like his safe place, always welcoming him with wide arms and a big smile as he left kisses on the younger’s forehead—reminding him of how amazing he is.
Taehyung had always found it beyond adorable, especially with how much respect and love he has for both Hoseok and Jeongguk—but he’d also always been kind of envious, too. And there are some days that the jealousy hit harder than not.
Such as today, he thinks, piercingly, as he sits down at their table in the university dining hall.
The sight that greets him today is Jeongguk practically in Hoseok’s lap, giggling as he tugs the older boy closer to him. And really, it wouldn’t be so bad—but Taehyung has had a bad day, and he supposes that has had its own hand in his extra saltiness.
It’s so precious—with the way Hoseok feeds him some of his tteokbokki, and wipes any remaining residue from the area around his lips—Taehyung nearly wants to hurl, plagued by both the jealousy of seeing the two of them together, and by his own disgust with himself at being so incredibly bitter.
“Say ahhh, Jeonggukie,” Hoseok grins, feeding him some more, “You need to eat a lot.”
“You’re the best, Hobi,” The younger responds, complying easily with his demands. Jeongguk was always a sucker for rice cakes. Taehyung knew that much, too. Maybe if I had gotten them myself, I could be feeding Gukkie too, the distressed student realizes woefully, the jajangmyeon on his plate no longer looking as appetizing as it did a few moments ago. Dumb, stupid Taehyung. “But I think I eat more than enough for the both of us.”
“Can you guys move your flirting somewhere else?” Taehyung grunts out before he can stop himself, blinded by his sadness and possessiveness, “Some of us are trying to eat here.”
“Ah, someone’s in a bad mood,” Hoseok giggles, moving to pat the younger on the head. Taehyung pouts. “You okay, Taehyungie? Do you wanna talk about it?”
“It’s nothing,” The boy in question murmurs, lazily moving his chopsticks around the noodles—feigning indifference. “You guys are just making me gag.”
Jeongguk looks over at him curiously. Taehyung shies away from the sudden stare.
“Well, we know that’s not true,” Hoseok shrugs, moving Jeongguk off of him. He gathers his things reluctantly, a frown on his face. “And I want to question you further, but I have to go to work on a project now—and can’t stay here and bother you.”
“Already?” Jeongguk whines, and Taehyung pretends that the vote of protest doesn’t sting him—just a bit. “You just got here?”
“I know, bub,” The older looks regretful, and guilt tugs at Taehyung for even wanting one of his best friends to leave. This is why love was stupid sometimes. “We can all hang out together tomorrow, yeah?”
Hoseok moves to leave a soft kiss on Jeongguk’s forehead, giving him a huge smile. “Bye Guk,” He giggles, before moving over to Taehyung and doing the same—pinching his cheek at the same time. “Bye, Taehyungie. Don’t be in a bad mood the whole day. Talk to me later if you need to, yeah? I’m always here.”
“Bye Hobi,” He vaguely registers himself saying, his gaze now redirected back towards his jajangmyeon. His chopsticks move more aggressively, then, stabbing at the noodles with far too much aggression than necessary.
The two of them watch him go for a moment, only turning away when he is completely out of their vision.
Taehyung pouts, frustrated with himself and his stupid, conclusion jumping brain. He and Jeongguk were always going to just be friends, especially now that Jeongguk might be in love with Hoseok. The sooner he gets that into his thick skull, the better off he’s going to be.
As soon as he’s gone, Jeongguk is quick to scoot over on the table—throwing his arms dramatically around Taehyung’s torso. The older drops his chopsticks in surprise, mewling, “Gukkie! I could’ve messed up the noodles!”
“Just missed you so much, Tae,” He murmurs, voice breathy and deep, “And don’t even give me that. You and I both know you don’t eat when you’re in a bad mood,” The younger opts to say, resting his chin atop Taehyung’s head, as he pulls the older into him further, “Which is bad, by the way. You should stop doing that.”
Taehyung huffs, still unbelievably bitter—but certainly appeased by the affection. He makes a mental note to apologize to Hoseok later about his meanness. Snuggling in closer to Jeongguk’s torso, he practically melts into it—only whispering a small, “Okay, maybe.”
“Why are you in a bad mood, Taehyungie?” Jeongguk mutters, in a voice so low it nearly makes Taehyung sob out. “What’s on your mind?”
“Nothing,” The older exhales, embarrassed. He needed to have a better grasp on his emotions, that’s for sure. “M’just tired. Promise.”
“You sure?”
“Positive,” Taehyung affirms, “I don’t wanna talk about me. Need a distraction. Talk about you, please.”
“Hmmm, me?” Jeongguk pauses for a moment, presumably to think. He runs his arms up and down Taehyung’s torso, distractedly—as if trying to soothe him. “Well, I could tell you more about the boy I love.”
Taehyung sighs internally. This isn't much better.
“You’re obsessed with this guy, aren’t you?” The older boy decides to respond, avoiding Jeongguk’s gaze.
“I am, totally,” The latter giggles, tightening his hold on Taehyung. He presses a small kiss to the top of Taehyung’s head. “And he doesn’t even know. It’s actually kind of funny. Do you want to know what else I love about him?”
Taehyung nods. “What else?”
“I,” He pauses for a moment, as if trying to find the right words, “I love how selfless he is. He’s another kind of selfless. People tend to overlook it, because it’s not as outright as maybe what others immediately think of when they’re asked about someone being selfless, but I notice it every single time—even if he doesn’t think I do.”
Taehyung takes in the words carefully, analyzing each and every single one of them.
Not outwardly selfless? Well, the older considers carefully, Hoseok was being selfless like two seconds ago when he was giving up all his food for Jeongguk, right? Not only that, but he still comforted me, even when I was angry. He put his own pride aside to do that. That’s so selfless, even if no one bats an eyelash at it.
It has got to be Hoseok.
He’s sure of it now—absolutely positive as he considers it more. He’s clingy towards Hoseok more than anyone else, Hoseok’s so passionate about dancing, Hoseok is beyond selfless—is always putting their other friends before himself. It really couldn’t be anyone else, not from what Taehyung thinks.
“It’s Hoseok,” He blurts out, before he can stop himself—sitting up, “It’s him right? I mean he’s so passionate about dancing, and you love cuddling with him, he’s terribly selfless—”
“—You’re not very good at guessing this, are you?” Jeongguk stops him, pressing a soft finger to his lips. “So oblivious.”
“What?” Taehyung raises an eyebrow, arms moving around in pure shock. It’s not Hoseok? Huh? “What do you mean I’m not good at guessing?”
“I mean that you’re not good at guessing,” The younger draws out, tilting his head, “Because it’s not Hoseok.”
“Are you kidding me?” Taehyung groans, once again, unable to hide his embarrassment. “I was so sure this time! He matches up with everything perfectly!”
“Maybe he does, but he’s not the one I’m in love with, Taehyungie,” Jeongguk grins, pulling the older boy back into his embrace. His breath is hot on Taehyung’s cheeks, and it takes everything in the latter to not just start crying on the spot. “So you’ll have to keep guessing.”
“Can’t you just tell me?” Taehyung whines, unable to hold back his sadness.
“That wouldn’t be any fun, now, would it?”
“Screw fun. Having fun is for chumps.”
“You’re not getting it out of me, Tae. Sorry.”
“Ugh,” Taehyung sighs, giving Jeongguk a good sucker punch to the stomach. It’s what he deserves, after putting him through all this. “You’re the literal worst, Gukkie.”
“I know,” Jeongguk agrees, a lopsided dopey smile coming to his face—making Taehyung swoon, “But you love me.”
Yeah, Taehyung thinks, I really do.
…
attempt #3
The talk of Jeongguk’s love actually goes away for quite a while, following that incident.
In fact, Taehyung forgets for a vague moment that Jeongguk even brought it up to begin with, because after getting past the initial shock of finding out that Jeongguk was even romantically interested in someone—he figures there’s not much more that he could really get from just contemplating it for hours on end.
It’s safe to say he’s more than a little surprised when Jeongguk suddenly mentions the boy he’s so deathly in love with as they’re picking up Chinese takeout for their weekly movie night.
“God,” Jeongguk groans abruptly as he puts the sesame chicken in the back of the car—quite forcefully, “I am so frustrated.”
Taehyung jolts at the sudden aggression with the chicken. “My god, Gukkie. Don’t take it out on the chicken,” He says, looking over it to make sure it’s okay, “What did it do to you?”
Jeongguk’s eyes soften as he looks over at Taehyung—starry and so goddamn beautiful. Taehyung might cry. “Fine. I’m sorry, good sesame chicken,” He glances back at the food, bowing for the full effect, “But Taehyungie,” He whines, “I’m so frustrated.”
“Why?” Taehyung coos, reaching across to pinch Jeongguk’s cheek, “Did the little baby not get something he wanted?”
“You’re the baby,” Jeongguk mutters, averting his eyes. He opens the passenger door for Taehyung, allowing the latter boy to get in before taking his own seat in the driver’s side. A true gentleman, as always. It’s one of the many reasons Taehyung is so beyond in love with him. “But that’s not the point. I’m frustrated because the boy I love is so, so, so cute. He’s older than me, but he’s such a baby, always acting so tiny—it’s so adorable. I seriously can’t stop thinking about him, Taehyungie. Not to mention that he’s the most handsome man in the world. But he’s also so damn oblivious.”
Taehyung’s eyes widen at the mention of Jeongguk’s crush. He’s cute? Yet oblivious? Who the hell could that be? “Huh?”
“Taehyungie, you don’t understand how much I’m struggling right now,” Jeongguk huffs as he moves to start the car, “I want to tell him so badly, because god, he’s killing me, and I wanna be put out of my misery. I mean he should know by now that it’s him—but he doesn’t, and I’m shy, so I’m hesitant.”
“Oh, I’m sorry, Guk.” Taehyung mutters, looking out the window. He didn’t like hearing about this, not really. But in a sort of sadistic way, it was fun to analyze and try to figure out what was going on in his best friend’s mind.
On the bright side, now that Hoseok was out of the equation, Taehyung knew for sure that it was either Namjoon or Seokjin—which was somewhat of a relief for him. He had basically a 50% shot of getting it right, so he’s faithful in his chances.
Cute, yet oblivious? Taehyung ponders once more. Jeongguk being shy when it comes to him? Well hell, that screams Namjoon.
Namjoon is a peculiar soul, always nailing it when it comes to book smarts—but never quite getting it correct when it comes to human emotions. He’d know the capital of Belgium in a heartbeat, but could never pick up whenever a person was into him at all. Case in point: Jeongguk’s crush on him circa 2013. It was always quite endearing though, to see him become visibly shocked everytime he found out that anyone liked him platonically, let alone had romantic feelings for him.
Maybe, Jeongguk’s crush on Namjoon never faded. Maybe, just maybe—those feelings actually developed into a full-fledged love for the boy—a full-fledged admiration. It would make perfect sense.
Taehyung has never seen anyone so passionate about rapping and songwriting as Namjoon. He’s never seen anyone so selfless, with the way Namjoon helps out each and every one of them with university—whether he’s busy or not. He’s never seen anyone so oblivious, either.
“Oh my god!” Taehyung practically screeches out, then realizes his mistake as Jeongguk jolts in his seat, veering the car for a moment, “Oh my goodness, sorry Gukkie. Sorry!”
“Ah, Taehyungie,” Jeongguk groans, rubbing at his head. He sighs, his lips curling up into a small smile. He could never be mad at his best friend for long. “You’re cute. Don’t worry about it.” He glances at Taehyung in the passenger seat for a moment, as he regains control of the car, “Now, why on Earth did you scream so loudly?”
“Oh, um, well—” Taehyung whispers, abashedly. Suddenly, he didn’t really wanna mention Namjoon. Wasn’t quite ready to have his heart broken into so many pieces. He pauses for a moment, trying to take in his last moments where it’s just him and Jeongguk. Because after this, he knows, it’ll be him, Jeongguk, and Namjoon—the younger won’t be able to shut up about the older boy. “—I know. I think. For sure this time, who it is.”
Jeongguk looks visibly pleased at that—a lot more than Taehyung expected him to be, anyways. A little piece of the latter’s heart dies at that moment, he thinks. “Oh yeah? You do?”
“Yeah,” Taehyung nods, though he knows Jeongguk isn’t looking at him at the moment, “I’m pretty positive.”
“Okay,” The younger trails off, “Hit me with it.”
Taehyung takes in a deep breath.
“It’s Namjoon.”
For a brief moment, silence envelopes the car.
“You have got to be kidding me, Taehyungie,” Jeongguk nearly cries out, his hands leaving the steering wheel for a moment—presumably to exaggeratedly indicate his frustration, “Oh my god, no.”
“No?” The older whispers, looking down. It’s not Namjoon? What the hell? Taehyung is completely at a loss here. It must be Seokjin, then. “But I was so sure…”
“God, Tae, you’re so—” The younger seems like he wants to say more—but ends up refraining, “No,” He finally breathes out, “It’s not Namjoon. I haven’t thought about Namjoon romantically since like, 2013. There’s no feelings there.”
“So it’s Seokjin?” Taehyung responds. He turns frantically in his seat, so that he is fully facing Jeongguk, “It has to be Seokjin.”
“Oh, Taehyung, baby,” Jeongguk breathes out, and the older’s ears turn red at the sudden pet name. It wasn’t the first time he used it, no—but it made Taehyung flustered everytime he brought it out—especially because he uses it so little, “Baby, Namjoon and Seokjin both like each other. Where have you been?”
Taehyung feels like he’s been slapped in the face 10 times over.
If it’s not Jimin, nor Yoongi, nor Hoseok, nor Namjoon, nor Seokjin—then he truly has no frickin’ clue who it is. As far as he knows, those are the only people Jeongguk is close enough with to be in love with. Besides them, well—Taehyung has no goddamn clue. Maybe he fell in love at first sight, or something of the sort. Maybe it’s a friend Taehyung doesn’t know about quite well. Maybe this is a sign that he should’ve been paying better attention to who Jeongguk talks to him about. Maybe—
“—You’re thinking so hard, I can hear you, Tae.” Jeongguk stops his rumination. He sighs, moving his left arm off the steering wheel, and snaking it over to Taehyung’s seat. He pauses for a moment, hesitant, before intertwining their hands together—rubbing the soft and warm skin of the olders’s fingers. Taehyung melts. “Stop thinking so much, okay? I’ll tell you soon, I promise. I don’t want you to get stressed out by this, or anything.”
Taehyung moves to protest—but honestly speaking, his head does sort of hurt, and he rather wouldn’t continue having this conversation. He’s completely at a loss. So he tightens his hold on Jeongguk’s hand and nods, looking back out the window.
He sulks the rest of the ride back to their dorm.
…
attempt #4
Taehyung is not having a good day.
Now, don’t get him wrong—he’s had bad days before. But few have ever come to being this bad.
Firstly, when he woke up, he did what any normal human being would do, and went straight onto social media. He figured out quite quickly why there are a multitude of articles stating that he shouldn’t do that—especially as the first thing he saw on his Twitter feed was a picture of Jeongguk and some guy named Yugyeom being up close and personal. Taehyung, obviously, being Taehyung—deemed this as the guy Jeongguk must be in love with—and spent the entire morning stalking Yugyeom.
Only to find out he was dating this boy named Bambam, and now he was late to class for no reason.
It’s safe to say his morning routine did not go too well.
After that, Taehyung practically sprinted to his Fine Art class—stumbling and falling in front of the whole class as he ran to his seat. He tried to focus on doing a study of the shoe displayed at the front of the class, but his mind was so lost with thoughts about Jeongguk and school and all the things he needed to get done that what was supposed to be a shoe looked sort of like a UFO instead—and his teacher criticized him for it in front of everyone.
Taehyung doesn’t know how he managed to not break down after that incident.
But it doesn’t end there, folks. No, it doesn’t. (Though he desperately wishes it did).
Because after his Fine Art class was his stupid general Physics class, and Taehyung thinks Physics has to be one of the worst things he’s ever taken on this planet. It was one of those subjects that was never cohesive to him—never making sense, no matter how hard he tried to understand it.
And in Physics today, they had a pop quiz.
Who even gives out pop quizzes at University?
His mind, still entirely too stressed and hurt from his Fine Art class could barely comprehend what looked like a completely different language on the paper—and he ended up handing a completely blank sheet in.
He cried his whole walk back to the dorm.
(Not to mention that it started raining as he was walking. Go figure.)
And now here he is, desperately looking for instant ramen to try and make himself feel better after one of the worst days in his life. Except Taehyung thinks he might’ve eaten the last one 2 days ago, and god, here come the tears again.
He practically flops onto his bed in distress as he finally completely lets himself go, tugging his pillow close to his chest and crying ruthlessly into it. His chest heaves up and down as he continues to sob, hating his life and his feelings and the events of today and everything in between. Perhaps it’s a tad bit dramatic for someone who simply had a bad day to cry this much—but sue him, he's emotional, he’s tired, sad, and to top it all off—he has absolutely no comfort food in his dorm. There’s a devil on his shoulder telling him to steal Jimin’s KitKats that he kept in a secret drawer, but honestly speaking—he was too tired to try and seek it out.
He thinks he just wants to disappear, for a while.
And he’s close to—thinks he’s almost got the art of dissolving into his blankets and pillows into pure nothingness down when there’s a loud knock on his door—a knock so loud and obnoxious and disrupting and oh my goodness, Taehyung thinks he’s never going to leave his room ever again because he hates everything.
Trying to wipe as many tears as he possibly can before getting up, Taehyung reluctantly trudges towards his door, opening it slowly—as to avoid any possible surprises.
He’s not quite prepared to see Jeongguk standing in the doorway.
(Well yeah, maybe he should’ve expected it—considering the younger boy comes almost everyday—but for the first time in forever, he thinks, he might’ve not wanted it.)
“Tae?” Jeongguk whispers, evidently soaking in Taehyung’s tattered appearance. He’s in nothing but an oversized hoodie, eyes swollen from all the crying he’s done—and his hair is stuck up in so many different directions. He must look like a goddamn disaster.
“Hi Gukkie,” He barely croaks out, wincing at the sound of his hoarse voice. If his appearance didn’t give away how much he’d been crying—his voice now certainly did. “What’s up?”
“Taehyungie, baby,” Jeongguk practically barges in, dropping the food he brought onto the ground and bringing the older boy into his chest. He slowly rocks the two of them back and forth, pressing as many soft kisses as he possibly can into the older’s hair. “Holy crap, what happened? Are you okay?”
“M’fine,” Taehyung tries to make out, but he trails off quickly—the tears threatening to return, “I just had a really bad day, Gukkie.”
“Oh, Tae,” The younger comforts him tenderly, slowly inching the two of them to the bed. Taehyung tries not to giggle as they both practically onto it—facing each other as they lie down. Jeongguk’s ministrations don’t halt for a moment as he continues brushing Taehyung’s mussed hair with care, gazing at him intensely, “Do you wanna talk about it?”
“Not really,” The older pouts, being honest. It was just a bad day. He wanted to forget, more so than anything else. “I don’t wanna think about it at all. I want it gone from my brain right now.”
“Okay,” Jeongguk giggles, and Taehyung thinks that at this very moment—as he’s laying next to his best friend and their legs are intertwined together, he wants to be able to experience this for the rest of his life, wants to be able to be with Jeongguk for the rest of his life—wants so desperately for the younger to be in love with him, and no one else. He’s not satisfied with just being Jeongguk’s friend, not anymore. “Do you want me to talk instead then? To try and distract you?”
Taehyung nods, staring dreamily into his eyes. “Please. Anything.”
Jeongguk pauses for a moment, as if thinking about what to say. He presses a small kiss to Taehyung’s cheek, wiping away at his tears with so much grace and support and love—the older is going to start crying again, and for a completely different reason. “I think,” He looks down for a moment, averting his eyes, “I want to talk about the boy I’m in love with.”
Taehyung’s heart drops. God, no.
He thinks that any other day, he’d be able to handle this—be able to have this conversation about Jeongguk and the boy he’s so madly in love with—but not today, not when his heart has already reached its maximum quota of suffering today.
He has to be honest.
“Gukkie, why are you bringing this up right now?” Taehyung snaps, unintentionally. He immediately looks down ashamedly, surprised at his sudden outburst. “I’m sorry. You can tell me about him all you want after but right now it’s just—”
“—Wait, wait, Tae.” Jeongguk interrupts him, and there’s a small smile on his face, “Just. Let me talk about him just this once. I think you’ll want to hear it.” He hesitates for a moment, evidently nervous, “And if you don’t like it, I promise you won’t have to hear about it ever again, okay?”
And Taehyung? Taehyung doesn’t quite understand, no—but he’s never been able to tell Jeongguk no in his entire 15 years of knowing him, and he doesn’t think that’s changing today. So he simply nods.
The younger takes a deep breath.
“The boy I’m in love with,” Jeongguk begins, looking deeply into the older’s eyes. Taehyung almost wants to look away—in fear that if the former stares at him any longer like that, he’ll do something idiotic, like kiss him. “He’s the best person I’ve ever known. He’s beautiful inside and out, way more than he ever gives himself credit for, honestly.” Jeongguk giggles for a bit, before continuing, “I’ve been in love with him for so, so long now, and now it’s reached a point where I don’t know what to do with myself, because all I think about is how amazing he is, and how I want to spend the rest of my life with him.”
Taehyung can hardly breathe.
He wants to spend the rest of his life with him.
“Also,” Jeongguk reaches in between the two of them to intertwine their hands, bringing them up and leaving a peck on Taehyung’s knuckles, “I love how passionate he is about his artwork. Even when he’s at dance practice watching over his friends, it’s always with him. He never lets go of it.”
All of the air leaves Taehyung’s lungs.
He brings his art to Jeongguk and Jimin’s dance.
Jeongguk continues. “I love how selfless he is. I love how even when he’s feeling a certain way and maybe wants to act up—he doesn't, trying to be mindful of everyone else. He doesn’t prioritize himself for a second, and while I hate that, because I think he should always be number one—it is sort of admirable, in a sense. He sees the good in everyone, thinks so highly of his friends and my only wish is that he’d look at himself the same exact way.” He glances down at Taehyung’s lips for a moment there, and the older has no idea what to do. He feels paralyzed—feels like he’s getting his hopes up when he really shouldn’t—when it’s not safe to.
“He’s also so cute, you know? I’m younger, yet I like calling him baby—because that’s what he is,” Jeongguk grins, eyes blinking slowly, “My baby. When he’s upset he wears an oversized hoodie and desperately asks for cuddles, it’s the cutest fucking thing in the world—especially when he doesn’t have his instant ramen nearby. My heart can barely handle it.”
He pauses, exhaling disappointedly. “Even if he is so oblivious, and has guessed that I’m in love with everyone but him.”
Taehyung looks down at his hoodie for a second, eyes widening in recognition.
No. It couldn’t be. It can’t be.
“And,” Jeongguk hesitates for a moment, before leaning across to place a soft kiss on Taehyung’s nose. Taehyung’s eyes close on impulse, and god, he really can’t breathe. “He has the most beautiful mole on his nose. I love it, especially, because I have one on my nose, too. So it kind of feels like we were destined to be together. I’m so, so in love with him, Taehyungie.” He searches the older’s eyes desperately, frantically, “Do you think you know who he is?”
Silence infiltrates the room—surrounding them completely.
It is him. It really is him.
It couldn’t be anyone else, no. There isn’t anyone else, no one who’s known Jeongguk for that long, no one who wears hoodies when he cries and begs for cuddles and ramen, no one who has a nose mole.
It’s Taehyung.
It has to be.
Is it?
“I,” The older barely breathes out, as fresh tears roll down his cheeks, “I think I do know.”
“Yeah?” Jeongguk is desperate, too. He’s impatient, too. Taehyung can tell. “Who is it, baby?”
“It’s,” Taehyung pauses, gazing directly into Jeongguk’s galaxy eyes. He inhales, “It’s me, isn’t it? It’s Taehyungie?”
Jeongguk’s grin widens in relief, nodding with no restraint as he surges forward, pressing his lips onto Taehyung’s before the older could blink, before he could even process what had gone down between them. He’s overwhelmed at first, can barely respond at first but it’s not long before he’s kissing back just as eagerly—letting their lips slide together languidly as he finally understands what it’s like to be with Jeongguk, to have all of him, to be with all of him.
He chases after Jeongguk’s lips with so much eager and passion that he’s nearly overwhelmed—but he ignores it, resists it—too incredibly fearful of the fact that this might end, that Jeongguk might come out and say sike, and it’ll all be over just like that.
It’s after a minute or so that they finally pull apart to breathe—and god, Taehyung wants to sob for the rest of his life because he has no idea what the hell just happened.
“Oh my god,” The older exhales, “What? It’s me? Actually?”
Jeongguk giggles, pressing another peck to Taehyung’s lips. “It’s you,” He confirms, before looking away shyly, “And I hope you feel the same way, too. Sorry, maybe I shouldn't have just kissed you.”
“You mean,” Taehyung still breathes out in disbelief, ignoring Jeongguk's unnecessary apology, “You mean I’m the one you’re in love with?”
“Yeah, baby,” The younger laughs, “It’s you. It’s 100% you.”
“Oh my god,” Taehyung repeats, “Oh my god. Of course I’m in love with you too, Gukkie.” He smiles brightly—pressing a soft kiss to the younger’s cheek, as if trying to convey the message, “I didn’t think it was me at all, you don’t understand—I was so set on the fact that it was Hoseok, or Namjoon, or someone else. I don’t even know. I thought it was Yugyeom literally this morning.”
“Yugyeom is dating Bambam,” Jeongguk raises an eyebrow, “How would that even work?”
“I don’t know,” The older admits, scratching sheepishly at the back of his neck, “I was starting to think you were a homewrecker, honestly. I was really hoping you weren’t.”
“You’re ridiculous, oh my god. I don't know how you didn't pick up on like, my thousands upon thousands of hints.” The boy across from him mutters, but there’s absolutely no bite to the words—only pure fondness. He tugs Taehyung’s into his chest again, pressing another kiss onto his forehead, “My ridiculous boy. My baby.”
“Hey! To be fair, they were very vague hints!” Taehyung tries to protest, though his voice is muffled from Jeongguk’s chest, “And besides, I’m not the one who couldn’t just confess normally. What even was this grand scheme of guess who I'm in love with, Taehyungie? I was so distraught trying to figure out which one of our best friends was lucky enough to have you be in love with them! Do you know how much I suffered?”
“Hey,” Jeongguk responds, albeit shyly—and with a tad bit of shame. Taehyung thinks he's the cutest person to ever exist. “I'm sorry I hurt you, baby," He whispers, voice apologetic, "I wanted to be unique. And romantic. A unique and romantic confession for my unique and romantic baby. Is that so bad?”
Taehyung lifts his head up. He sighs, shaking his head. “Of course it’s not, god,” He presses another kiss to Jeongguk’s lips, letting them linger together for longer, “It's the cutest thing ever, actually. I’m so gone for you. So, so gone.”
“Luckily for you,” The younger grins, leaving a soft kiss on Taehyung’s nose once more, “I feel the same exact way.” He wiggles his eyebrows, “Be my boyfriend?”
The older punches him lightly, jokingly, “You ass, ask me properly.”
“Okay,” Jeongguk accepts the challenge, moving out of Taehyung’s hold and standing up on the bed. He holds a mocking hand up to his head, as if pretending to salute to someone. “Prince Kim Taehyung, will thou make me thy happiest man alive and be my boyfriend?”
“You idiot!” Taehyung giggles, but he knows—definitely knows for sure now, as his boyfriend comes back down, attacking him in giggles and kisses all over his face—he’s going to spend the rest of his life with this boy.
And he wouldn’t have it any other way.