Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Dried leaves fall, landing and carried away by the calm stream flow. His olive green eyes fondly stare at the smaller male in front of him. A soft glow from the setting sun and a calm breeze caresses the top of his orange hair, the grin on his face seems to be contagious and he finds himself smiling, though just a little. He tries not to think about the world outside this seemingly makeshift realm that they made.

“When are you leaving Ushijima-san?” he almost flinches at the name he used and the question. If anything he was hoping he wouldn’t say anything, but he knows Hinata isn’t one to linger, if anything, he was honest. He supposes it’s one of the things that made him fall in love.

“Tomorrow.”

“I see. I suppose the trip to the Tendou Estate is a bit long.” There was a distant tone in the younger male’s voice. The truth of the outside world finally manages to pierce through their small bubble. For a moment they were just two souls who found love: one from a reigning noble family, tasked to uphold its tradition and carry on its strength and honor; another from a fallen one, task to save the pickup and save whatever is left of the dying breed. Yet both having responsibilities to uphold.

“How about you?” In all honesty, he didn’t really want to know. Because knowing  meant acknowledging the hurtful fact that everything would come to an end soon.

“A week after yours. Mother has made arrangements with the Kageyama household. They want the ceremony as quick and as soon as possible.”

Wakatoshi lets out a hum. Capturing Shoyo’s face gently in his palms, thumbs tracing the outline of his cheekbones. He looks so small compared to him, a little fragile bird. He hopes that he remembers what his skin feels like, how his eyes would look like, how his voice would sound like. For he is sure that there is only of little to no chance for them to be like this again in this lifetime.

He makes a move to meet the smaller male’s lips, only for the latter to softly shake his head. A small smile on his lips and a distant look on his eyes, “Don’t, Toshi.”

His eyes search his, trying to ask why. Shoyo sighs before continuing, “It will only make our parting harder than it already is.”

True to his word, Ushijima was gone even before the morning light could fully color the sky. The journey would be long and he wishes he could see him one last time. But he supposes the thought of thinking about his lover’s face throughout the journey wouldn’t be beneficial. He knows, as much of a stern man he is, his heart couldn’t bear to see the hurt on the face of his lover.

So he leaves with his men without a word.

Without a goodbye.

Tadashi finds the orange haired male alone in his quarters, staring blankly ahead, face towards the window and chin on his hand. It had been days and the young master was to leave the estate the day after tomorrow. Still it always seemed that the young male was waiting for something to return.

“Excuse me, young master Shoyo…”

A head whips in his direction, offering him a small smile and a pair of brows raised in question.

“I was instructed to give this to you today.”

Hinata tilts his head to the side. “What is it?”

“A letter, Sir. From Lord Ushijima. I was told to give you this on the fifth day upon his departure.” The freckled boy answers politely, carefully placing the neatly folded piece of paper on top of the low table next to his master. He does not acknowledge the lack of response, knowing fully well why. He receives a nod and he politely excuses himself.

Hinata takes a deep breath, trying to still his beating heart, trying to stop his lips from quivering and his eyes from watering from the thought of his love alone. He isn’t sure what pains him more, the fact that he didn’t even say good bye or the thought that even if he wasn’t physically with him, even now, he still managed to touch his longing heart.

He swallows the lump in his throat as he finally reads the letter.

My Little Crow,

It has been a while as we traverse the mountains of Kobe, the leaves have finally turned to a faint shade of orange and I thought of the crown in your head. By now, I suppose, maybe we have stopped to make camp for the night, did I ever tell you that even flames remind me of you too?

My father once said, being the hopeless romantic that he was, in order for the heart not to get lonely, one must search for things that comforts it. Even if they are small, trivial inanimate objects, as long as they serve to remind you of the heart you left behind and wish to come home to, it will do.

Now where was I? Ah, yes, flames. They remind me of you, a fiery ball of light and warmth that I find myself getting lost in. I look into your eyes and I find myself drowning in them, the kind of embrace that makes me want to never come up for air.

You hate it when I point out how small you are. You seem to take it as an insult, and though I find the way you pout and get angry at my honesty kind of cute, I never really had the chance to tell you what I meant. You see, little crow, the way I could easily grasp your hand, the way I could easily hold you close and carry you in my arms makes me feel like I’m holding the entire universe.

How lucky am I, to hold such precious gift from the gods in my hand.

They say that the strong and the powerful are those who have conquered, those who own riches, those who have found great knowledge and success, and those who have ruled and are still in reign….and yet, I find it hard to believe them.

For I feel strongest and most powerful when I am with you. It is as if the world could go into oblivion; the moon crashing down and the stars raining from above, as if death could reap as all in one small snap…still I wouldn’t care, still I wouldn’t be afraid, for if I’m with you, nothing matters.

I was raised to have a strong sense of responsibility, in a righteous household and to carry on with honor and pride. But there are nights when I think about throwing it all away and running away with you, should you ask me too. Just like how my father did. It must be a surprise for you. I think that explains why I never had the strength to tell you good bye in person, for part of me is afraid that you’ll ask me to stay, that you’ll ask me to drop everything and leave…and I would. Honor and glory be damned.

How unlucky it is that we live in a time where our recklessness could cause the fall of thousands. But you and I both know that things aren’t supposed to be like that.

We are two souls carrying the weight of things bigger than the both of us.

My little crow, I do not know when our paths would cross again. But know that when the sun rises and when the sun sets, I am thinking of you. When my eyes open first thing in every tomorrow’s dawn, I yearn for you, and when I close them in the dark of the night as I sleep, I will always dream of you.

Look at the palm of your hands, and know that in them, is my heart.  

Yours,

Ushijima Wakatoshi

Chapter Text

My Lord,

It breaks my heart and crushes my soul to say, but the ceremony has been done by the time your hands grace this.

I admit the strain in my heart as I approached the shrine and saw Lord Kageyama waiting for my hand. And though I know this is out of bounds, I can never stop myself from thinking how things could have been different if it were you. My smile could've been more genuine.

Not a day goes by when I wake up and hope that the crown of brown locks beside me was your instead and your skin are the ones that my fingertips traverse each day.

I close my eyes when he takes my lips in his and try to imagine you instead, and it breaks my heart a little more. For though my body is his, my heart will always be yours.

Lord Kageyama, but insists I acknowledge him as Tobio, has been aware of our affair.  And though I know my duties and responsibilities as his other half, he insists respects my past choices and wishes to be respectful to you. You are after all, a formidable ally. But it is both in our interest that we act maturely than we were before.

And though it kills me inside, this might be the last time I can exchange correspondence with you that regards the matters of the heart… and as Hinata Shoyo.

For the next time, I may write to you, I would be Kageyama Shoyo. I owe him that much.

You will always be the one who holds my heart in the palms of your hands and my soul wrapped around the tips of your fingers.

In another life, my love.

In another life, I would run straight into your arms, and in them I would stay.

‘Til we meet again.

Always.

My love.

My Wakatoshi.

Once yours,

Hinata Shoyo

Chapter Text

Lord Ushijima,

I am writing this on a day where I am alone with nothing but the stars to keep me company. On a porch where greeneries are lush and the wind is peaceful. A reminder of everything I owe to my allegiance with you.

You are a respectable man. Someone with great strength, disposition and discipline. Admirable. Perhaps even the son my father would've dream of having.

If anything, you are the man I hope to become if things were different. I am not really one to discuss matters of the heart to anyone. I have always found it hard to put my feelings down into words. Nor do I have that many friends, even if I did. I must say, this is one sensitive matter don't you think?

I know that you have an idea what the subject of this message is.

Have you ever felt that, Ushijima? The thought of sleeping next to an ethereal beauty to call yours but never having the chance to grasp the heart within it? To kiss the lips of someone who responds but hopes it’s another pair they kiss? To lay with someone and hold them in your arms, yet still feel their body searching, hoping, and yearning for a mold that is not you? The thought of spending a lifetime together with a masterpiece of a soul that you long for, and knowing that soul searches for someone that is not you?

I am aware that you and my husband are bonded in ways we never will. And as much as I respect that as a human and as a man, I could never deny the hurt.

For when I look into his eyes, I am well aware that he sees straight past mine and hopes he sees yours?

And maybe, as much as I'd like to admit, I found myself wishing that even for a moment, I hope I was indeed you, if that meant Shoyo could love me even just half as much as he'd love you.

I might be the man Shoyo gave his lifetime, but you will always be the man he gave his heart and soul to. I admit that much. But that doesn’t mean that I surrender in defeat of winning over his heart, I have a lifetime with him after all.  And should the day come, where he finally sees me as the man I am and come into terms with his feelings, now that I did not force him to anything. For what matter to me is what he truly feels. What he truly is. Him…and him alone.

I send this to you not to taunt nor challenge you but merely to state the truth. I know that you understand that me and Shoyo are now binded by law and are expected to do what  is expected of us. Act responsibly and respectably.

But know this, rest assured that I will treat Shoyo with outmost care and protection. For the way he feels for you, is the way I will always for him. I promise to protect him, to hear him, and to shower him with love, the way you would, if not more. I am after all, Kageyama Tobio and not Ushijima Wakatoshi.

So rest assured and do not worry any longer.

I vow on my life that he will never feel any pain of the heart nor the body as long as I am here. To ward off any harm that might come for him as long as I breathe. Because I love him more than anything in this life.

I will take care of him, always. Forever.

Respectfully,

Kageyama Tobio

Chapter Text

Tendou gives a side eyed glance to the bigger man. He sits cross legged with him on the wooden patio, watching the small koi fishes peacefully swimming in the small pond. The lilies are at full bloom this month, yet Tendou knows that as much as they are pretty and as much as his lover`s eyes are on them, his mind is nowhere near. If anything, it's far north, somewhere in a rural yet rich and respectable city in Miyagi.

"Your heart longs for another lover." He plainly states, his own eyes trained on the almost red koi fish trying to chase the bigger, darker one.

He hears a shift beside him, the bigger man turns his head to look at him. He makes no attempt to meet his gaze eyes still trained on the small creatures. The red koi still swimming behind the unsuspecting darker fish.

"I am not the most attractive among my father's son, and most of the staff here ang village people find me peculiar.  Yet it's the respect for my last name that makes them hold their tongue...make them act accordingly. But that does not mean that I fail to feel the truth....that being said, I know the look of someone longing for another soul when I see it. For I see it every day in my reflection. And now I see them in you."

The Olive-haired male blinks, it’s a wonder he thinks, how red and orange belong almost to the same shade, only varying in different tints and hues.  But still, close. He returns his gaze towards the sun, setting over the horizon, it’s orange and at the same time, it is red, the latter only present in faint splotches, almost unnoticed. He thinks about Lord Kageyama’s words in his last letter…to love a soul that is bound to another, is that what he felt like?

“Say, Wakatoshi-kun, it’s been 3 years now. Do you still think of him?” there is a small smile in Tendou’s lips, delicate, as opposed to his daily playful grin.

“I do.”

“Everyday?” there is a crack in his voice that Satori prays his husband does not pick up on. Because, truthfully, he knows. He knows the answer to his own question, he sees it, he feels it. But he decides on the mere fact that if, he is to push through with what he is about to do, then maybe, honesty is the best parting gift for an unsung goodbye.

“Everyday.”

The response comes with a sting that he almost lets out an audible hiss. Licking his lips before taking a sharp breath with closed eyes. This is okay, he assures himself. As much as pain arrives, pain passes. That’s what love comes with, that’s what letting go feels like, he guesses.

“Do you want to see him?”

The bigger man frowns and grabs him by the shoulders, the red-head however, still refuses to meet his eyes. It seems that it still doesn’t occur to Tendou that he is, in fact, crying.

“What are you insinuating?” his hushed baritone voice is laced with confusion and worry. However, Tendou pushes his hands off of his shoulders, wiping the tears with pale finger tips and staring at the little droplets with contempt as if this is the first time he ever saw such thing. It is.

“My father is sending reinforcements to Lord Kageyama and his husband to the front, in the mountains of Otakamori. He plans to go there himself with a small platoon with my brothers and leave me here to take his place. What I am insinuating my Lord, is that it would be understandable if his strong son in law would accompany him, no?”

“You are telling me to leave---“

“I am telling you that if your heart is pining for someone who the universe now puts within your reach, and not chase after them would be such a treacherous thing, wouldn’t it?”

The frown in Wakatoshi’s face deepens. “Leaving you alone to run away with another is treachery.”

“No. Hating yourself for the rest of your life while you spend it with me is. It is not a choice, Wakatoshi. It’s a request. If you want to see him, go to him.”

Wakatoshi hops on his stallion in his full battle regalia. Next to him is the older Tendou, waiting for the others to pack up their supplies and hop on their horses, as well. It is the latter part of the dawn and the sky is painted crimson, and the older man leans in to make a light hearted conversation.

“You know, red skies in the morning signifies the arrival of a storm.”

“Is that a bad omen?” he replies.

“Yes. However, I also believe that sitting idly and letting life pass by through the rules of luck is pointless. We have to fight our own fights don’t you think? The battle is not won by those who remain passive don’t you agree?”

He only nods in silence. It is then that a crown of red head comes out from the estate, half-walk-half-running to him. Satori bows to his father before approaching Ushijima, a folded paper in trembling hands as he passes it to his husband.

“Safe travels and I pray the universe favors you.” Ushijima notices the gloss in his eyes and the redness around them. He wonders if this is the last farewell for both of them. If this is the last time he sees the young lord, the man he married, the one who so willingly lets him go just because he believes that he, the man who just married him out of duty, deserves to go after the love he had before him and feels no apprehension in the act. How selfless love is, he thinks as he reaches to touch Satori’s face. The coldness in his cheek fades as he leans further into his palms.

Wakatoshi tucks the papers neatly in his chest as Tendou takes a few steps back as the party begins to ready for their departure.

“Get home sa--- “ Tendou stops his mouthing in mid-sentence, “…farewell.” He settles. He turns before Wakatoshi could even reply.

It is somewhere between the third and fourth day of travelling that Ushijima manages to find time with himself alone, under the moonlight. They reach the battle ground tomorrow and the nerves got the better of him, unable to sleep he finally takes out the paper tucked neatly under the chest of his armor as he finally reads.

My Dearest Wakatoshi,

I remember hating the idea of myself. When I was a child, I remember children my age telling me that I somewhat resembled a monster. It did not faze me though, it doesn't hurt that much as people make it out to be. To me, their words do not matter simply because they are just superficial words of people who do not know who I am altogether.

What made me hate myself though, is the fact that I am nothing but a mere instrument to keep an empire going. That my sole purpose is to continue what my father had started. That is a weight I wish not to carry. Paradise, to me, at that time was somewhere I can roam free, be myself freely without any repercussions.

It doesn't matter that I am alone and by myself, what matters is that I have lived a life in my own making; with the choices I made...that is paradise. 

My mother always told me that people are tied with strings the same color as my hair, red. That paradise isn't only a place, paradise can also be a moment, and paradise can also be a person.

However, I have resigned myself to the idea that my red string, can never be someone of this life, simply because my other half in this life, wouldn`t be of my choosing, but my father's. That the other person who I get to spend my life with isn`t a decision made by the heart, but a decision driven by politics and power.

That is why the first time I have heard about you was something that had spiked hatred and loathing in my heart was. But those are things I have learned to live with.

Until I have met you.

The first time I saw you, I tried searching for disgust in your eyes, for fear, and even hate as I know that you would look at me and see nothing but a man who stood between you and the man whom you truly love...but I never saw it in them. Instead, you have looked at me and shook my hand with outmost respect. We became friends.

You share with me your unbridled opinions without cautioning them because as you said, I am an equal, I am a partner. I am a friend.

The thing is Wakatoshi, the first time you held my hand during our matrimonial ceremony, was the day I wanted to be more than a friend. You make me believe in red strings. You let me be free and be myself unapologetically and it makes me fall in love with you in even the smallest moments.

I fell in love with you whilst watching you teach my little brother Tsutomu how to hit a ball. In the way you ask and listen to the thoughts in my head with outmost attention and taking them into consideration. The way your hand absentmindedly reaches for mine when we sleep, even if I know in your dreams, they're not mine.

It scares me Wakatoshi, that I want to spend my whole lifetime with you, and I can, to be honest, but I have fallen in love with you so much so that the thought of your heart pining and lonely and littered with what-if's hurts me.

I want to tie the end of my red string to you, to wrap you up in them, but I know that my red strings are nothing to the orange one that you have tied around yourself. I feel guilty and selfish for staring at your sleeping face and cursing the universe, asking them 'how dare you give me a head full of red strings with no one to tie it to'.

Never in my life had I cried, not even when I got called the meanest of names and treated in the harshest of ways. It's not until you.

A lifetime is long, Wakatoshi. But I feel like the three years I got to spend with you is enough even in the afterlife.

I hope that you survive the battle, and I hope that whatever choice you make, you end up happy with it. I hope that you choose the love you do not regret.

Should you want to come home, just maybe, then know that there is a heart in the Tendou Estate that would always welcome you home.

And if you choose to run away with the one you loved first, then I hope you two live a long and happy life together.  Know that I will say nothing that would cause you two harm and will do all I can to protect the both of you.

Love is kind, love is selfless. And I my heart and soul is one with the decision of letting you choose your happiness. Paradise is where I can choose for myself, and I choose your happiness.

After all, my paradise is you.

Unapologetically yours,

Tendou Satori

Chapter Text

Ushijima wakes up in the middle of his short nap, it’s not his turn to guard yet, and sure they are in fact safe in their camp for the night and that the fighting has paused, he wakes up to the realization that for the past days, his dreams are of a pair of red eyes and a head full of red hair.

It is on the fourth day of battle when he falls on the mud, the fatigue has gotten into him, and his limbs feel heavy as he wills his left arm to lift and search for the source of the searing pain in his side. He feels the tip of an arrow feather, and for a moment he thinks he recognizes the Aoba Johsai banner passing by from the distance. He also hears war cries but could not recognize what words they were saying.

All he sees are red skies.

His hands feels cold, and he immediately thinks of the cold cheeks he touched before leaving. His mind drifting to the retreating figure he saw as he secretly looked back as the party left. He wonders why he felt heavy leaving him behind.

He wonder if he’ll ever see him again. If he gets to come home to him again.

“Lord Ushijima…” there is a voice that calls to him as his vision blurs. He sees red hair…or orange, he cannot tell.

There is someone holding him, he feels it albeit faint. Someone talking to another as he feels himself being hoisted up before he fully drifts into unconsciousness.

Black hair is what he sees first the moment he wakes up, the figure is seated beside the tent’s entrance, head resting against the makeshift post, fast asleep. He tries to move as quietly as his bandaged limbs would allow, the sleeping man however awakes by the slightest sound.

Blue eyes meet olive ones.

Ushijima recognizes the Karasuno crest and realizes who this stern-faced, blue-eyed male is.

“How long was I asleep?”

“A day and a half.” Lord Kageyama answers him. “We found you beside the mountain stream. You’re fight on that mountain had sealed our victory. We are grateful.” The man ends with a bow. Ushijima hums in response. He catches his armor neatly placed in one corner of the room and a familiar piece of paper beside his sword and helmet.

“…and my father-in-law?”

“With General Shirabu and General Tanaka, they are sending letters to the military posts in Sendai and Tokyo.”

“Thank you.” He quietly replies.

“You’re awake.” A voice says from the entrance of the tent, both males turn to see a wide-eyed Shoyo. Kageyama stands up to get the pile of clothes from his husband, the smaller male mutter his thanks as he kisses his cheek. As Kageyama places the pile on top of their hammock, Shoyo approaches Wakatoshi in gentle strides, offering him a cup of water before sitting on the side of his bed, checking his bandages.

“Your wounds aren’t deep. It’s thanks to your armor that the arrow didn’t penetrate deeply. Lord Oikawa has a great aim, its luck that my husband happened to shoot him in the shoulder first, that explains the off mark hit.”

Ushijima does not miss the soft blush on Tobio’s cheeks. He tries to busy himself and pretends to look for something, opening random barrels and trying to re-arrange the spears on the rack.

“Your sword is in my tent, my love. You forgot it this morning.” Shoyo calls out to him as he prepares the tea.

Kageyama stills, before kissing the top of his husband’s head and exiting the tent. Ushijima watches the scene unfold before him, the comfortable and domestic dynamic, moving in sync like they were naturally born with it. It takes a blind man not to read the room, that as much as he tries to deny it, this is what soulmates tied by red strings looks like.

“Shoyo.”

“Wakatoshi.”

The silence is palpable, and Wakatoshi refuses to remove his eyes from the smaller male, who in turn continues to stare of the distance. He pours two cups of tea, handing one to the bandaged male. He offers him a bright smile.

“It has been a while.” Shoyo says before blowing the smoke from his tea.

“How have you been?”

“Exhausted, very exhausted. Asahi-san and I have our hands full you know, trying to mend wounds and make salves, but it’s worth it, there aren’t many casualties. Things are looking good…” the smaller male bites his upper lip, a nervous habit. His feet bouncing and hands playing at the seams of his robes. It does not go unnoticed by his companion, however.

“Something is bothering you.” A statement more than a question, Ushijima takes a sip from his cup before continuing, “…I am still a friend, Shoyo. You can tell me.”

He turns to him, orange eyes meeting his. It’s been a long time, three years and a war in between has both worn them down, aged them, and they are different from who they were before, he realizes.

“After this, my Tobio is planning to concede his title as the Karasuno heir to his other brother, Kei. There is a small piece of land that he has managed to acquire. He plans on living there in peace, with me.”

“And is that what you want?”

Shoyo closes his eyes as he takes a sharp breath, his eyes wetter than they were before. It takes everything in him to face his past lover, to look him in his eyes and say, “It’s all I ever dreamed about, Toshi. They say, everything is fair in love and war, but I think, war is the best time for love. It helps you put things into perspective… I have fallen in love with him, Wakatoshi.” He offers him a soft smile as tears fall from his eyes and neither of them make an attempt to wipe them off.

“I came with him into the battlefield despite the danger because I cannot bare to be apart from him, my safety be damned. I must admit I tried so hard not to, because of you, and I know that I had my share of promises with you, and I am really sorry for failing to keep them. Because as much as I didn’t want to admit at first, I had made and found my peace with the fates with him. I love him, I really do and that is why…I believe it’s time to return each other’s hearts. I want to give him the entire of mine, Toshi. I’m sorry.”

Shoyo’s sobs fill the silence in the room. He wipes his tears with the sleeves of his robes.  

“I think so too.” Ushijima offers him a soft smile. One of the rarest ones he has ever given.

I hope that you survive the battle, and I hope that whatever choice you make, you end up happy with it. I hope that you choose the love you do not regret.

“I have found love too, Shoyo. Though it is the one that I have grown to realize while I was away, I do believe that the fates was never cruel to us. I think that they led us right where we should be. Indeed, we should return each other’s hearts and give them to those who we truly want to offer them to.”

He reaches to ruffle the orange crown in front of him.

“It was nice knowing you, Hinata Shoyo.”

“You too, Ushijima Wakatoshi.”

Tendou still cannot fathom the fact the he’s here. He had prepare himself for the worst: a lone survivor that delivers the news that everyone has perished. And at most, that his husband is missing in action and Lord Shoyo remains unaccounted for as well. But never did he envisioned this, him and his husband seated at the very same patio where he made up his mind to say good bye.

Ushijima reaches for his hand, they are warm, calloused but nonetheless feels comforting.

“Satori.” He calls him, taking his eyes away from the two koi fishes dancing with each other in the water. The red head is silent, raising his brows in question. He is still speechless, and the small smile his husband sends his way does nothing to ease the butterflies and the confusion swirling in his stomach.

“I wanted to send this to you the moment I finished it, however, I think it would be best if I have given this to you in person the same way you did. Will you read it for me?” He says as he slides the paper with his free hand. The paper is slightly crumpled from the journey and being placed inside his robes all throughout the celebratory dinner in the estate for their return.

Satori only nods.

My Satori,

The day I left for battle, I remember holding your face in my hand and thought about how selfless love is. There is not a night in my journey that I have not dream of you; that I have not thought about your retreating form as our party have left. I looked back at you because, there is an unknown force in me that wants to imprint your face in my memory.

I have seen your shoulders shake. You wept for me, and I did not like how it made me feel. I did not like the idea of you crying because of me. You looked at me like you wanted me to stay but you also seemed to have resigned yourself to the fact that it was our last good bye.

There is not a dream that didn’t have you in it. I had envisioned home and all my brain could think about is you.

Even as I lay there, with the thought of dying, my mind drifts back to the red head of a husband I left at home, and how I want to return to him and tell him that, there is not point of fearing to tie a red string around me because I will wholeheartedly wrap myself up in them.

That he is not any less, because he is more than what he perceives himself to be.

I used to think that the fates were unfair, that the fates are cruel, but looking at it now, looking at you and the love you had made me feel, I believe that fates do play favorites, and that they may be fond of me, allowing and letting me feel the most majestic versions of love. To be loved by you is the greatest gift I never thought I needed.

I truly apologize that it took me three years and war to figure out that the love I need and the love I deserve has already been given in the form of you.

Being your paradise is the greatest honor I could ever have, in this life and the next.

So I offer you my heart, Satori. It’s not the best, it has been lost a couple of times, it has been bruised and had its fair share of hurt but its mine. And I want you to have it.

I have already wasted three years of my life by not treasuring you the way I should have, but I promise to love you every single day of my life. Each day more than the one before it. I will love you every day. Cherish you every night. I will never ever grow tired of hearing the thoughts from that beautiful brain of yours, nor ever grow tired of kissing your lips with all the passion a man has to offer in his entire lifetime.

Should there be days that are unbearable, I will never let go of your hand as we traverse the wilderness with each other, side by side as both friends, partners, and lovers.  

You have told me that, you hope that I survive the battle. I did.

 You told me that you hope that whatever choice I make, I end up happy with it; and that you hope that I get to choose the love I do not regret.

I am happy with the choice I made. It is the one I will never regret. The only thing I am sure that I have done right, that choice is you.

You are my paradise.

Forever and always,

Ushijima Wakatoshi

Tendou is sobbing, his hands shaking as he clutches the letter against his heart. Three times in his life had he cried: letting his husband go, his husband leaving, and his husband coming home to choose him. And that’s okay, because as Wakatoshi gathers his face in his hands and wipes them away with his thumbs, his heart and soul finally settles down with contentment.

Wakatoshi leans in to capture his lips in his. You are my paradise, forever and always.

This is real home. This is the fleeting beauty that lasts for while, and in this case, a lifetime and beyond. Because after all, time is relative: three years can feel like forever, and lifetime can feel like a while, but either way, as long as he has Toshi, and Toshi has him, everything is okay. Everything will be alright.

“Satori?”

“Hmm?”

“The moon is beautiful isn’t it?”

“Indeed it is.”