Work Text:
“Marinette Agreste?” The wide blue doors at the end of the waiting room swung open and an orderly poked his head out.
“Yes?” Marinette stood up from her (fairly uncomfortable) chair anxiously.
“Your husband is out from the procedure and should be waking up shortly, if you want to come see him.”
“Please,” she said, and followed him back into the maze of hallways.
It hadn’t been a serious operation, he had just been getting his wisdom teeth removed, but Marinette was worried about him all the same. Although Adrien pretended to be tough around his lady, she knew he was really a wimp. The one time they’d gotten their flu shots together, he’d cried through the whole process. And before she’d left the room, she’d heard him asking worriedly whether they could make sure the anesthesia was strong.
She was also definitely interested to see how the anesthesia made him react. She’d gotten her wisdom teeth removed in high school, and while she didn’t remember much, there was some very interesting footage somewhere in Alya’s possession.
From the repressed memories of the one time she had been forced to watch it, she remembered a lot of crying about wanting to live inside a loaf of bread that only ended when Sabine had handed her a pillow with yellow tissue paper taped on top and told her it was Adrien.
If Adrien’s experience was anything like that, the drive home was sure to be memorable.
“Room 123,” the orderly said, and gestured to a door on the left. “Please make sure he doesn’t remove the gauze until later. If he starts bleeding again, just replace it again.”
Marinette thanked him and went inside.
Adrien was sitting in the lounge, mostly reclined. He looked dead to the world, but when she went to sit down in the chair next to him, he tilted his head to her slightly.
“I am a bowling ball.” His voice was garbled slightly from all the gauze.
“Hello to you too,” Marinette laughed. “What do you mean?”
He sighed, upset that he had to explain such a simple concept. “I am a bowling ball. I’m so heavy.”
“Ohhhh, your head. Yeah, the doctors said you’d be very out of it.”
Adrien grimaced. “I don’t wanna be out of it. I wanna go in.”
“Go in?”
“I have to go in.”
“Where?” Marinette pulled out her phone and started recording the sleepy looking Adrien. This was too good to not get on video.
“I have to go in the bowling ball goal. Or else I lose. I wanna strike.” He stuck his arms straight out in front of him, lolling his head slightly towards the chair. “Roll me down the lane.”
“I am not going to roll you like a bowling ball,” Marinette said firmly.
Adrien pouted. “I need to make a strike.”
“Sorry, but you do not. You need to stay in this bed and cool down a bit before you can leave.”
He peered at Marinette, seemingly just really noticing her. “Who’re you?”
She snorted. “I’m Marinette.” Wow, he was out of it.
He smiled big, which usually would have been cute, but with a mouth full of gauze and blood, it was a little freaky. Kind of reminiscent of a possessed hamster.
“You’re really hot,” he slurred, and then he narrowed his eyes. Marinette recognized that look. It was his troublemaking look. “You told me your name, so I should tell you mine.” He paused for effect, dramatic even when high out of his mind. “Call me All Might, cuz I’m looking to Texas Smash.” He waggled his eyebrows, and Marinette couldn’t help but burst out laughing.
“Was that a My Hero Academia pick up line?” They’d been watching the show together recently, but still, that was such a weeb move.
“Did you like it?” Adrien looked way too proud of himself.
“It was terrible.” His face dropped. Marinette’s heart squeezed. “I mean terribly amazing.”
“Okay,” he said happily. “So are we dating now?”
“No.”
Adrien looked so sad, sitting there with his cheeks stuffed full of cotton like a little hamster. “Is it because you’re the nurse? Or because I didn’t make the strike? Because I can do a strike, I’m a good bowling ball. The other lady just refused to bowl me.”
“That was me too, Adrien.” Marinette could only imagine what Nino was going to say when he saw this later. Adrien would be teased forever.
“That was you?”
“Yup.”
“Will you roll me now?” His eyes pleaded with her to just give him a little swing and roll him down the hall. Were those… tears glistening? She shook her head to clear her thoughts.
“Adrien, you are not a bowling ball. You were just in surgery, I’m not going to bowl you. Even if you weren’t just in surgery, I wouldn’t bowl you.”
He cocked his head towards her. “You’re kinda mean.” After thinking hard for a second, he added “Still pretty though.”
“Thanks,” she laughed.
He quieted, staring at the white tiled ceiling, and she wondered if was going to fall back asleep, but no, he was looking at her again.
“Are you the nurse?”
“No, definitely not.”
“Are you the murder nurse?”
“What is a murder nurse?”
“You know,” he waved a limp hand as if to signify the meaning. “The murder nurse. They always have one in hospitals.”
“Maybe in horror movies,” Marinette said, “but not here. I’m not the murder nurse.”
“Who are you then? The doctor with the big needle?”
“I’m your wife, silly.”
Adrien gasped, flopping back onto the pillow. His blonde hair made a halo around his head.
“I’m married? To you?”
“I know,” Marinette said drily, “Sometimes I can hardly believe it myself.”
“Wow… I did a good job.” With the limited control of his body he had, he gave himself an awkward pat on the back, before turning back to Marinette. He eyed her seriously, although the effect was somewhat offset by the overstuffed mouth. “Are we really married?”
“Yes.” Marinette leaned forwards and grabbed his hand, showing him how they had matching bands.
He poked at her diamond. “That’s big. I bet it could buy at least 15 hot dogs.”
Marinette choked. This was the best thing ever. Bless anesthesia. “Yeah, I think it could definitely buy 15 hot dogs.”
“I want a hot dog.”
“Okay, I’ll make you one when we get home.” Hopefully he’d forget about it by the time they got home. He wasn’t supposed to eat hard foods for a few days.
“We live together?”
Marinette hummed affirmatively. “We have an apartment together.”
He nodded. “That makes sense.” He snuggled back into the bed, before popping up again. “We’re married and live together…” His eyes were the size of dinner plates. “Do we have kids?”
“Not yet,” Marinette said, and she almost cooed at how cute he was. “But someday.”
Adrien smiled happily. “I think we should name our kid Jasmine. If they’re a girl.”
“Jasmine? Why?”
“Because she’s a Disney princess? And she has a tiger?” He rolled his eyes.
“What if it’s a boy?”
He throught for a second. “Einstein. Or Chat Noir Jr.”
Marinette clapped. “I love them. Perfect.”
“Thank you, thank you,” Adrien said blearily, and tried to bow, forgetting he was still in bed and nearly tipping off the side.
“Careful there,” Marinette said, giving him a gentle push to sway him back into place. “I think maybe we should get you home, kitty.”
“No.”
“No?”
He pouted. “I want to go bowling.”
Marinette laughed, standing up and pushing the button to unrecline the bed. “We can go bowling later.”
“No, I want to go bowling now.”
She stepped over to him and offered him a hand, tugging him gently out of bed. “Don’t you want your special bowling shoes?”
Adrien looked down at his feet, seemingly disappointed with what he saw there. “Yeah…”
“Then let’s stop at home and get your bowling shoes before we go.”
“Okay,” he agreed.
“You ready to go?” she asked.
“Yes.” He took the hand she held out to him. “Marinette?”
“Yes Adrien?”
“Let's make like a pin and split.”
They walked out of the hospital room, Adrien snickering and staggering along like a drunk, Marinette groaning over the sheer audacity he had to make puns while doped out of his mind.