Work Text:
1.
It started as a joke. He was just curious, he has been watching a few of these pranks on the internet for a few months now and he really wanted to try it out and see what could actually happen, it was this ‘pretend to fall asleep while facetiming your boyfriend to see what he does’ kind of trend but there was a big issue:
Jake didn’t have a boyfriend.
It’s not like he couldn't get one, it just that he didn't want to and for him that was a very valid reason, he was good on his own, he likes spending time with himself and being free but at this very moment he was kind of hating his independency, if only he was a little bit softer maybe he would have someone for the prank; he continued scrolling through his social medias, fawning over how cute some relationships were, others looked really fake, while others were weird in the worst way possible, they looked staged, way too dreamy to be true...yeah, maybe relationships weren’t meant for him.
He sighed and changed his position to a more comfortable one, it was 11pm, he didn’t even know why he was in bed so early, other kids his age were most probably having fun outside, being stupid teengers and prentending to be in a coming-of-age movie. He sighed again, he could have just asked his best friend to come over today, Sunghoon has been wanting to watch a lame french movie for weeks now, they could've done that and maybe have pancakes for breakfast. Jake locked his phone and closed his eyes, yeah, he was dumb for not inviting Sunghoon to stay over.
Wait.
Sunghoon
He opened his eyes and sat on his bed way too quick for it to be good but ignoring the dizzy feeling on his head, Jake started typing something on his phone, he knew it wasn’t an actual boyfriend but he has seen other people doing it to their friends so why couldn’t he? He was seriously doubting his intelligence right now, why didn't he think of Sunghoon sooner?
“SUNGHOOOOOOOOOON”
“tf do u want”
He smiled at his quick friend's response and started typing again.
“what r u doing”
“editing me and harry styles’s wedding photos <33”
“r u deadass”
“ i wish i wasn’t ”
Jake laughed out loud, he almost forgot what were his intentions to talk to his friend at this hour, he really was lucky to have Sunghoon in his life and to be one of the few people allowed to see this side of him, the older was rather quiet, even more than Jake sometimes, people would approach him and he would just shyly nod at everything they say, even if they were being mean to him sometimes, well that is until Jake would come and save the day, in his case, it’s not like he couldn’t talk to people, it’s just that he didn’t want to.
“bitch where did u go”
The notification startled him and brought him back to his senses.
“i was thinkin”
“thats new”
“BITCHJSHDJL”
“<3”
“btww, can we facetime? im bored”
“yh sure”
Jake felt his phone vibrating seconds later and his ringtone filled the room, he picked up and everything was blurry for at least ten seconds until their connection was stable enough to finally see each other’s faces and Jake’s mind immediately send the thought of how pretty his best friend was to his heart, which skipped a few beats.
“Jakey!” Sunghoon excitedly took him out his thoughts once again and Jake finally noticed that his friend, contrary to him, was very much still up, sitting at his desk with a big black hoodie on and all the lights still on. “Are you seriously in bed? At this hour?” The younger asked him while smiling but still sounding surprised.
“I didn’t have anything else to do” Jake said while going back to his laying down position, he needed to prepare the scenario for the prank if he wanted Sunghoon to fall for it. “Were you seriously editing wedding photos?” He asked and his friend laughed.
“No, you stupid.” Sunghoon shaked his head. “I'm still working on my biology project, which I’m pretty sure you still haven’t done”
Jake covered himself better with the blankets and smiled. “You know me so well”
Sunghoon rolled his eyes playfully and then adjusted his phone in a better angle to keep it steady so he could go back to work, Jake’s point of view was like he was looking at him from his left side, and a little bit from below, he had the perfect view to his friend’s unique nose moles and jawline, and when Sunghoon put his hoodie up and rested his face on his hands to look directly at him while smiling softly, Jake felt like something was building up inside his chest but couldn’t put a name on it.
“You look sleepy” Sunghoon told him in a really soft voice.
“Kind of” If anything, he was even more awake now. “But I wanna keep you company so keep working, I will just...stay here.”
“Okay.” Was all his friend said before he went back to stare at his computer, looking focused and filling Jake’s room with typing and a few clicking sounds.
The conversation after that became minimum, a few questions about their afternoon’s and what they had for dinner, they made fun of their friends and laughed quietly, made jokes that no one else would understand but most of all, they enjoyed the silence and Jake was starting to regret doing the prank, he didn’t want to leave Sunghoon on his own or just stop talking to him but his curiosity and child-like side always wins him over, always, it doesn't matter how risky or unappropriate the situation is; so little by little he started moving around and placed the phone on his night time table, Sunghoon looked at him briefly before going back to whatever he was doing. Jake felt laughter approaching his chest so he needed to calm himself down and quickly, he breathed in deep a few times and after deciding that it was enough, he finally closed his eyes.
It was showtime.
But Sungoon being Sunghoon, it took him at least five minutes to finally realize that Jake was sleeping, he even was about to give up until his friend spoke up.
“Did you really just fall asleep on me without saying goodnight?” And the older one wanted to laugh.
“Who do you think you are? Beyoncé?” Sunghoon scoffed and seconds later he heard a lot of weird sounds and even an alarm started playing really close to Sunghoon’s microphone, he knew what he was trying to do but he couldn’t give in, just a few more minutes.
Suddenly the alarm stopped. “So you’re seriously asleep uh, I thought you were just joking for a solid second…” His best friend sighed and stayed quiet for a while making Jake think that was all he was going to get from him until Sunghoon proved him wrong.
After letting out the air that Jake didn’t know that Sunghoon was holding, his friend began to speak “You know...you falling asleep made me remember when we first met, it was your first day at our school…” He paused and laughed really quietly “Your first day and you fell asleep in your first class. Oh my god, I remember thinking you had the laziest ass I had met in awhile” Sunghoon giggled softly.
“I judged you so hard that day, I swear; but in the end, it turned out that you were just jet lagged” He heard his voice shift to a more serious tone briefly, somewhere in that sentence. “I mean, flying all the way from Australia and going to school the very next day? That's some psychopath behaviour, just saying.”
Jake wanted to laugh, talk to him about their memories too, but he also wanted to hear Sunghoon’s voice a little bit more, it was hard to get him to talk this much, so for now he’s just going to enjoy it.
“Later on I found out that you actually had a lazy ass but we were already friends so by then, I couldn't let you go anymore…” His friend kept talking with less humor in his voice, it was starting to be melancholic even.
“Friends...That’s a strong word, isn’t it? I don’t even know how that happened, I mean yeah, we did a school project together but still, we were so different but so similar at the same time, it was such a weird feeling…”
Jake felt the same, he would often wonder how did they end up like this, being friends...best friends, he loved Sunghoon’s company more than anything in the world, he loved talking to him, sharing dreams and achieving things together, just having him there made him feel like maybe life wasn’t so bad after all, Sunghoon was his safe place and he knew that he was Sunghoon’s.
“You look really peaceful while sleeping, did you know that? Like nothing has ever harmed you…” Sunghoon interrupted his train of thoughts and paused a little after, like he was thinking on what to say next. “It must have been hard, wasn’t it?” The one-sided conversation was turning serious now and Jake was confused on what direction his friend was taking.
“I mean, your parent’s divorce, you moving out to a foreign country out of nowhere, making new friends and just, readjust your life all over again and even with everything going on, you’re still a happy pill for the people who is lucky enough to have you in their lives” Sunghoon’s voice was calm, soothing but full of something that Jake couldn't decipher, something that was about to make him cry.
“You’ve been such a good friend all this time, I often wonder if I have been a good one too”
Yes , Jake wanted to reply, yes you have.
“You’re the type of person who deserves to be loved for the right reasons, to have a friend who supports you no matter what, that’s there for you with the words you feel like hearing, with the hugs you need and with the conversations you want to have…” The sadness and cries on Sunghoon’s voice were imminent and Jake had never wanted to hug him more than at this very moment. “And I know I don’t voice it enough but, I’m trying to be that someone, to be the person you need, I’m going to keep getting better, I promise”
Shut up, you’re more than enough, you’re doing a good job, shut up.
“Damn, I really have so many things to tell you…”
“But things that I should say to you face to face…” Sunghoon was fully crying now, his voice was breaking and so was Jake’s heart. “Four years and I’m still a coward.” His friend laughed without a pinch of humour. “Shit. I have been talking to myself for like half an hour now, I should leave you to sleep.”
No, don’t, don't go.
“Goodnight, Jakey.” He said but Jake heard how he was trying to hold back his tears. “Dream of good things only.” And before he could stop him, the call ended.
Jake’s mind was running a thousand miles per hour, he had so many questions and so many things to say, the need to make his friend happy was making his skin itch a little, his heart hurt and even his body uncomfortable.
2.
Things with Sunghoon didn't change after that, Jake couldn’t talk to him about it because he was asleep, wasn’t he? He doesn’t know what Sunghoon’s reaction would be if he straight up told him that he had heard everything, that he wanted to know what other things Sunghoon wanted to say, ask him why he was crying; Jake was curious but he wasn’t insensitive. During an entire week he heard Sunghoon’s jokes about how he fell asleep and his other friends laughing about it too, he didn’t mind, his thoughts weren’t exactly focused on what was happening around him anyway, not since that night.
He could feel Sunghoon’s weird stares at him at the end of the week, asking him with his eyes if there was something wrong, and in fact, nothing was wrong, nothing bad was going on in his life, but at the same time he felt like there was something wrong and very wrong in Jake’s humble opinion, he felt like there was a part of his best friend that he didn’t know and that was so bordersome, it was almost eating Jake alive.
“hey:( u there”
A notification popped up on his phone screen, he will never understand Sunghoon’s power to always appear whenever he was thinking about him.
“yh, wassup”
“can i call u ?”
“go ahead”
And just like the last time, the connection started really badly but it was quick to adjust it’s quality. Both of them were already in bed tonight, it was late so it was comprehensible, all the lights were off so looking at each other was harder this time, that was until Sunghoon turned on the lamp next to his bed and went back to his initial position.
Pretty .
“Whats up?” Jake asked before his mind started betraying him again. “Did something happen?”
His friend shaked his head before he finally started talking. “Not really, at least not to me.” Jake tilted his head to the side confused. “Well, you’ve been acting weird all week, did something happen? Is there something bothering you?” Sunghoon asked him genuinely concerned and Jake immediately felt bad for worrying him.
“Oh god...no. I’m sorry, I didn’t realize. Maybe I’m just stressed about finals, it’s our last year so everything’s a little bit more stressful” He lied, shamelessly and without meeting Sunghoon’s eyes, he couldn’t tell the truth even if he wanted to.
The younger didn’t seem so convinced, Jake could tell and even expected another question from him but lately, Sunghoon never does what he expects him to do. “Fine. If you say so.” His friend covered himself better with his blankets. “Just...please let me know if there’s something wrong, anything, I don’t care how small the issue is, I will try to make it better…”
That brought memories of Sunghoon’s words from that night to his mind. His voice was soft, almost like he was talking to a baby, delicate and his eyes weren’t helping either, he didn’t even know Sunghoon could make puppy eyes and very pretty ones.
What the hell.
Jake wanted nothing but to combust.
“Of course, I will tell you right away.” He said before even thinking but it made Sunghoon smile so brightly, his eyes turning into two of the most beautiful crescent moons that Jake has ever seen and he’s not going to deny that his friend's reaction gave him a weird feeling of satisfaction.
After that the conversation flowed as always, if there was some kind of tension between them at some point, now it was long gone. Their laughters soon enough were the only thing you could hear and they knew they were laughing about stupid and weird things but the fact that they could hear the other’s giggles was enough to make their laughter louder and louder. They weren’t even talking about something in particular, they were sending each other things that they thought were funny and would comment about them if necessary.
They were feeling good, they were good.
And then, when they were sharing a moment of silence, Jake’s mind lighted up in blinding yellow…if he fell asleep again, would Sunghoon open up to him again? Would he say the things that he has been keeping from him? Curiosity was Jake’s worst trait and he knew it but he couldn’t do anything about it nor did he want to, his mom always told him to behave but it was hard, he liked to discover the world by his own hands, eyes and ears otherwise it just didn’t make sense on Jake’s head. Minutes passed, and the idea didn’t leave his mind.
Fuck it.
So he waited, he waited for Sunghoon to be distracted and just like before, he placed his phone in a steady position on his night time table and closed his eyes immediately, there was no time to overthink.
“Seriously?!” His friend said once he looked at his phone screen which was rather faster than what Jake had expected, he wasn't even entirely ready but apparently Sunghoon didn't even notice it, he was safe. “You’re unbelievable” His friend kept talking, almost in awe at his sleeping form.
This time around, there were no weird noises or alarms, even after a few minutes of silence, he just heard Sunghoon moving around in his bed and once he found a comfortable position, everything went dead silent, making Jake feel sleepy for real. “If this becomes a habit of yours I should start planning on what I should talk to you about.” He yawned at the end, the voice of the older was starting to sound tired, just like Jake himself was feeling.
Cute.
“They say that the brain never sleeps, you know, so maybe I should give you an entire class about some random shit and see if you actually remember what I taught you.” Jake wanted to smile at that, a sleepy Sunghoon sounded way too cute. “Maybe a class about puppi-” A yawn stopped him. “Puppies, you know? Since you look like one. Gosh, I think I may fall asleep too…” Another yawn.
Go to sleep, you idiot.
A minute or two passed before Sunghoon spoke up again. “You know, I’ve been thinking lately, since the last time you fell asleep, I don’t know, maybe I should stop being a coward...say what I have been wanting to say to you for a long time…” His voice isn't holding a specific emotion, it sounded just like when he talks to him on a daily basis accompanied by different sounds as a background music, like blankets moving and Sunghoon shifting around, Jake could swear that if he pays enough attention he could hear Mrs. Park watching Grey’s Anatomy.
Go ahead. Tell me. Talk to me.
He expected his friend’s voice to come again, he needed to hear Sunghoon’s mind, he needed to know what was going on, however, two minutes or four passed of Jake in complete darkness before Sunghoon’s voice finally filled the room once again.
“But I don’t want you to hate me.” He sounded colorless, like if every good emotion had left his body at that moment and Jake has never heard him talk in this tone before, it was giving him chills. “I wouldn’t be able to take it.”
“I would rather live with this hidden from you than losing you for the rest of my life.”
Park Sunghoon.
The sound of Sunghoon wiping his tears away was breaking Jake’s heart. How could he possibly hate his best friend? Did he kill somebody? Did he steal something? Nothing, absolutely nothing was enough for Jake to even think of getting rid of Sunghoon, even just the thought of not having him was petrifying .
“I know I’m probably just being a crybaby, but you’re the only person I trust with my whole heart so hiding things from you doesn't do me any good.” His friend sighed, tired and probably frustrated too.
Jake was speechless, to say the least; he couldn’t just open his eyes, it was clear that whatever his friend was going through wasn't something simple, he needed time and Jake couldn’t just force him to talk, that’s not what friends do. Maybe he could try another way to find out what’s going on.
“It’s two am, Jakey” He talked again. “I should probably go”
No, please
“Goodnight, angel” He said underneath his breath, almost inaudible to the human ear, but he heard him, he heard him so loud that his ears almost melted.
And then the call ended, just like that.
To say Jake was confused, anxious and flustered wouldn’t do any justice to whatever was going on inside his head and heart.
3.
Another week, Jake has tried so hard not to bomb Sunghoon with infinite questions and consoling words, he wanted to make sure his friend knew he was there for him, that there was nothing that could tear them apart...and honestly, that thought hasn’t left Jake’s mind since that night, what if he actually loses Sunghoon? What’s he supposed to do? Find another best friend?
Not in a million years.
He couldn’t explain it, at least not with words, he has never been good with words. Whatever may be the amount of his heart that Sunghoon owns, it could not be taken by someone else, not in this life nor the next; so he spend most of the week giving extra attention to his friend, from buying him his favorites pastries, walking him home, to hug him more than he would usually do and Sunghoon was really weirded out at first but later on he just took it and rolled with it, hugging him back. Jake may not be good with words, but sometimes, actions speak louder.
And Jake wasn’t gonna lie, he couldn’t understand why they didn’t hug more often, he slowly discovered that hugging his friend was a minute of peace in a world full of chaos. He even felt like they were getting closer, if that was even possible, it was such a strange feeling, it was like Sunghoon, was shining in his eyes in a different light, much brighter, warmer, prettier, he didn’t know what all of this meant but he didn’t complain.
This time around, it was Jake who made the call and after two tones, Sunghoon’s face filled his screen.
“Yes?” Was the first thing his friend said to him. “Something’s up?”
Oh right. He forgot to ask if he could call him.
Oops
“I- eh...no?”
His friend giggled at his confused face and fixed his sitting position, keeping his phone steady on the desk. “Right.”
so Jake sighed and took a few deep breaths before speaking “I just-” He paused and Sunghoon raised an eyebrow “I just wanted to see you” He bluntly said and it may have been the lights or an ambulance passing by but he could swear Sunghoon’s face turned a light tone of crimson before he smiled sweetly.
After shaking his head Sunghoon spoke softly “You’ve become a pot full of honey this week.” This time, Jake’s cheeks were the one that were covered in red for a second or so. “Are you sure everything’s okay?”
He nodded immediately. “Yep.” And his friend narrowed his eyes at him, not really believing him so Jake continued “Can’t I hug my best friend just because I want to?” He said boldly, feeling shy straight away but the way Sunghoon covered his face with his sweater paws hiding his face in the cutest way possible was totally worth it.
“Shut up.” Jake laughed, making Sunghoon look at him again while pouting “You’re annoying.” And that made Jake smile even wider.
“You’re cute” Jake couldn't hold it back and in all honesty, he didn’t want to, Sunghoon deserved to know how stunningly cute he was at this very moment and the way Sunghoon’s eyes lit up at the compliment made his heart sing.
“Asshole.”
“But you are!”
“Shut up!”
Both of them ended up giggling at each other but when their eyes met, the laughter may have ceased but the smilies lingered on their faces some more. “You’re not going to fall asleep again, are you?” His friend told him after a moment of silence, his voice quiet, almost inaudible.
“Now that you mentioned it, I may”
“Jake”
“I’m kidding!” Sunghoon rolled his eyes and turned his face to look at his desktop again. He may have been working on his biology project, Jake thought.
And then.
Damn it. What if I actually fall asleep once again? Will he be mad? Will he talk some more? Will he cry again? What exactly could happen?
Those and more questions popped inside of Jake’s mind, but none was enough to stop him, even when some had a red warning sign in front, he wanted to know more, he wanted to help and do something but how can he when he was being kept in the dark by his own friend? Some say that curiosity killed the cat and Jake always thought that maybe what the cat found out is what killed it and Jake is fearless, he trusts Sunghoon more than he will ever know, so there will be no dying today, he was sure of it. Therefore, following the same actions for the past few weeks, he placed his phone on the night table and expected a reaction from his friend but just then he noticed that he was, in fact, gone.
Bathroom.
This was perfect. He closed his eyes as usual and let the show begin. This time he wasn’t planning on pranking him for too long, he just wanted to know if Sunghoon would talk again or hang up right away. A minute passed before he heard the chair moving. He’s back.
“Hold on.” Was the only thing that came out of Sunghoon’s mouth and he sounded really frustrated. “Are you seriously sleeping or are you just bullshitting me this time?” And Jake was surprised at how well he had gotten at hiding his emotions because right now, he really wanted to laugh.
“You’re-” A sigh “Unbelievable, Jake Shim, unbelievable.” His friend sounded tired but there was not even a slight sign of madness on his voice. Jake really was going to explode from holding back his laughter.
“I can accept it once, twice, even but a third time?! You are looking for a good damn slap on that pretty face of yours at this point.” His friend started to rumble while typing once again on his computer. “And, okay, fine, you’re tired, but why call me uh? Uh?! Your kink is people watching you sleep or some dumb shit like that?! Ridiculous, this is ridiculous.” Words flowed out Sunghoon’s mouth like water and Jake’s body was starting to ache, he wanted to crack up so badly.
Some more typing was heard on the other line and a few frustrated sighes here and there; Jake even started to wonder why his friend hadn't hung up the call yet and then, the typing stopped, after two or more clicks on the mouse, his friend talked to him again.
“For now, I will let this pass but if you fall asleep on me one more time, I swear on god I’m cutting some parts of your body off.”
And people think he’s the shy one?!
The chair moved after a few moments and Jake knew that Sunghoon was getting closer to the phone because he even heard the deep breaths he took before talking once again, his voice calmer “You always sleep in the same position, is it comfy?” He asked knowing he wouldn’t get an answer. “I bet it is...It took me a lot to find a comfy position to sleep...Or just falling asleep in general; I told you about this, didn’t I?”
Yes
“I think I did, I mean...I’ve already told you everything about me, just like you have…” His friend sighed, he was starting to sound sleepy. “Well, not everything, but you get my point.” A yawn. “Anyway. When I couldn’t sleep my mom used to sing me this song to sleep, should I sing it to you?”
What.
Another yawn. “It’s not like you need it though”
Woah wait what.
“But I can’t help thinking about you every time I hear the song.” Sunghoon said, unaware of how much the whole situation was affecting Jake, he was about to hear Sunghoon sing , for him and only him. He couldn’t deny how excited he was, he has never heard Sunghoon sing, not even in the shower, not while he cooks, not even in the car; What the hell.
“I’m not that good though, my mom sings like an angel while I probably sound more like an old truck.”
Jake bit the inside of his cheek, stopping himself from yelling at his friend to just go for it, to hurry up, that whatever comes out of his mouth is probably going to sound amazing and then, a soft humming. Oh my.
“I'm lightly falling
He catches me with a verse, with a rhyme
The tip of your look, naked poem
Stuttering and looking like a mountain”
Sunghoon’s voice couldn’t sound softer, prettier than this, because if it did, Jake may end up with a heart attack by the end of the night. As Sunghoon continued, Jake dared to slightly open one of his eyes, just to see him, he needed to keep this memory in his mind in every way possible and luck was on his side this time, because the younger’s eyes were closed, he was letting himself go, get lost in the melody, and he was so so beautiful that Jake had to close his eyes, blinded by Park Sunghoon, overwhelmed by his feeling and loud thoughts.
“Let me sing you one more time
I will be your dawn or a moon
I will be morning or lullaby
I'll let you tease me one more time
You will be my shadow, you will be madness
It will always be you...”
And Jake felt himself melt, consuming everything that Sunghoon was giving him, Sunghoon’s voice was like this suffocating smoke that surrenders you, slowly, lightly but strong at the same time, wraps you and then, when it disappears, it just drops you into an unknown sea, full of creatures that find a way into your stomach and scream of desire for more. Sunghoon’s voice was abstractly alluring and even though Jake was mad at how late he was finding this out, he was still pleased that he got serenaded in the most them way possible.
The call ended. Sunghoon is gone and Jake has never wanted him closer.
4.
Since that night, he found it difficult to even look at Sunghoon without blushing, his friend would look at him with a raised eyebrow and smile every time Jake would hide his face. Hugging him was becoming different too, addicting even, his whole body would turn into a mess every single time Sunghoon’s arms would surround him, but that feeling only leaves Jake wanting more and more just like anything that his friend does lately.
Whatever was happening to him wasn’t normal and he knew it, but at the same time he wasn’t against it, he didn´t know what it was exactly, what all of this means but it was such a new feeling, a good one, that for now, he just wanted to enjoy it. His heart was blooming in bright colors for the first time in his life and Jake wasn't gonna stop. It had been two weeks since Sunghoon sang to him that pretty lullaby and he wanted to hear him again, he needed to.
“YOOOOOOOOOOOOOO”
“ ,,,go away”
“BUTSKSKS”
“NAH bc if we facetime u r gonna fall asleep again”
“I PROMISE U I WONT”
“i dont believe u shit but fine”
He rang Sunghoon with a smile on his face as soon as he saw the latter's message and his friend answered after the first tone. His phone was already placed on the night table and looked at Sunghoon excitedly, just like a puppy. “Don’t look at me like that. You know perfectly well that whenever you put your damn phone on your night table you fall asleep.”
“But it’s tiring holding my phone with my arms!” He tried to defend himself but the silly grin on his face wasn't cooperating much.
“Of course it is…” Sunghoon said, his voice full of sarcasm while looking at him with fake anger just to continue typing on his computer a second later. “Have you done anything for biology yet?” His friend changed the subject, his time his tone was softer.
“Oh yeah” Jake started to find a good comfortable position on his bed. “And I also adopted a polar bear in the meantime” He answered, copying the exact same tone that Sunghoon used on him earlier, earning a look of disapproval from his friend.
“It's due next week.”
“Time’s relative.”
“Oh my god.”
Jake just chuckled and they continued chit chatting for awhile, christmas was coming soon so they started listing the things they wanted and could afford but also the things that they couldn't have unless they were billionaires, dreaming was good for the heart, some say and they were good at it. They laughed at their unrealistic ideas but also finally decided to give three gifts to each other this time, instead of two.
They also planned on what to give to their other friends and each other’s parents. And for the first time, Jake was actually quite sleepy, therefore he decided to take a one-second nap, just until Sunghoon stops describing the pair of tennis that he saw the other day. A second of sleep has never hurt anyone, hasn't it?
“I fucking hate you.” He heard, the voice sounded more annoyed than mad. “I was giving you the best description that anyone has ever made and you fell asleep? Again?!”
Oh, Jake knew that voice, really well.
Sunghoon.
“I’m never telling you anything ever again. I swear.” His friend tsked. “You’re lucky you’re cute.” And thanks to that, Jake couldn't bring himself to open his eyes, even though those simple words were enough to keep him up at least four nights but he was sure his cheeks were burning up so no, he wasn't gonna face Sunghoon looking like this.
“Now what am I supposed to do? Sing you to sleep again?” And Jake’s heart skipped a few beats.
please
“Nah, you don’t deserve it” Sunghoon continued, his voice still full of disappointment.
??? rude ¿¿¿
And Jake started booing him in his head until Sunghoon spoke once again. “I cannot believe I fell for someone like you.” He sighed but also choked on air as soon as he registered the words that just left his lips.
Wait.
“Oh fuck. Ooh fuck. Fuck. Shit.” Sunghoon was panicking and so was Jake. “Please, please, be asleep.” Sunghoon whispered in a yelling manner, his voice was cracking too. “Me and my big mouth” Then a sound that could easily be him hitting his forehead on the desk out of frustration.
Jake was about to scream, he was grabbing his blankets strong enough to rip them apart, he was confused, lost, his thoughts were not in order at all and his heart was beating fast, faster than ever. He was almost forgetting how to breathe. He wanted to comfort Sunghoon, tell him it was okay even when he doesn’t know if it was okay but if he opens his eyes now and Sunghoon finds out that he has heard everything, things could get worse.
“If you weren’t sleeping I would have shitted my pants, no joke.” His friend stopped banging his head, his voice was still shaky but there was some tone of relief on it too. “Like, I’ve tried for years to not say that outloud and now all my work went to the trash can in seconds.”
Hold up.
“I’m so stupid, like seriously, there’s no one, in the entire world, stupier than me.” Sunghoon was losing it and Jake could tell because he was also about to faint at any minute now.
Before speaking again, Sunghoon let out a shaky little humourless laugh, that it also sounded tired. “I always planned to say this to you in a different context, I dreamed about this moment before and of course I had nightmares too, but in none of them I confessed to you throught stupid facetime while you were soundly sleeping.” His voice was so, so emotionless and Jake didn’t like it, not one bit.
“I've already pictured every kind of reaction you could have, you would run away, cry, hate me, accept it and we could still be friends or you would accept it, not hate me but don’t feel comfortable enough to still be my friend.” Sunghoon started to ramble and then chuckled but still without a pinch of good feelings.
“But also, in none of them, no even in one, you reciprocate my feelings.” He chuckled and Jake has never heard him sound so....empty.
“It’s just impossible in my mind, you know?“ And the color of tears was tinting his voice. “I mean, you are you and I am just...me, I guess. Why would you even look at me, right? It’s even funny to dream about it, I don’t think I even deserve to imagine how our lives could be if we were together in that way”
Jake wasn’t feeling good, his mind was a maze without an exit at the moment. He didn’t know what to say, do or even think, his brain was a blank white paper that he couldn’t dare to write on just yet. He wasn’t sure what he would reply to all of this, because he doesn't even know his own heart, he needs his time but for some strange reason he needs Sunghoon to know that maybe a life together is not that crazy to think about.
A few soft sniffs were heard before Sunghoon spoke once more “I should've hang up as soon as I said that but I guess finally telling you all of this, kinda lifted a weight off my shoulders, I mean I know you’re sleeping and won’t ever find out about this but it’s seriously therapeutic, I have always wanted to say I love you to your face…” He said in a light tone.
“You've no idea, like, seriously,” Sunghoon’s voice was more vivid now, like he forgot that Jake could wake up at any minute by the tone of his voice. “everytime you could come to me, say goodbye or just whenever you were just standing there, loving you and not telling you was getting harder every day.”
Park Sunghoon
Tears were still rolling down his face, Jake knew that because of the little sounds that his friend was making from time to time, but he was way calmer now while he was forgetting how to breathe underneath the covers.
“Loving you has been a roller coaster, you know? I fell fast, a week into our friendship and I knew that you were carving yourself into my heart without even knowing. I was excited, I have never felt like that, so to finally know first-hand what everyone talks about was fascinating to me” He talked fast, without pauses, as if every word was burning up inside his mouth and he needed to let them out so when he finally paused, the room, for some reason, was filled with tension and colored in blue. “But then...my whole life was upside down as soon as I realized that my love was never going to be reciprocated.”
“Man...that shit really flipped me over.” Sunghoon bluntly said, sounding exhausted. “Four years and thinking about it still hurts like a knife.”
His voice was calm but you could tell that his mind was not, he sounded tired, sad and that was breaking Jake apart because he started to wonder how hard it must have been to carry all of those heavy feelings for so long and on his own, he understood why Sunghoon never told him about them, it’s obvious, really but still, knowing how every single piece of Sunghoon’s heart must be bleeding in dark red makes him feel angry, powerless, frustrated.
A minute.
Two minutes.
Three minutes.
Silence took over them, he only knew Sunghoon was still there because of the little sniffs and the few quiet sounds in the other’s room but other than that, nothing. There was nothing but at the same time it felt necessary to stop, to just think, feel, to wrap their heads around the moment they were living even when Sunghoon thinks he’s the only one awake. Jake was confused, he didn’t know if he should take this as a dream come true or the beginning of a dark era in their friendship, if he should feel happy or worried. He didn’t know anything but for tonight, just tonight, that was okay or at least he’s allowing himself to think so.
And then, a sigh; Jake could feel Sunghoon’s eyes on him, he wanted to look, he needed to see him and put a face to the words he just said but he couldn't, even if he was curious, his body and mind just didnt let him open his eyes and maybe, that was for the best. “Before I go to bed and even when I know you will never know about this and it’s not necessary, I feel like I should say this, to me, to you and just say it out loud I guess…”
“Loving may be hard, painful, I've gotten hurt so many times that it’s almost twisted to even still being in love with you but Jakey,”
“I swear on everything that I own and on everything that my heart has to offer that, if I put things in another perspective, loving you was never hard, circumstances were. Some people are just not meant to be and that’s okay, it really is” Sunghoon was still crying but for some reason, pain was nowhere near his tone, he just sounded tired but determined, like he had thought about this a long time ago.
“Fuck, I should really go to sleep but I need to say this, I don’t know if you may be dreaming about my voice right now or how the hell does the brain works but if your subconscious let’s you dream about this,”
“I want you to know that, I will never, ever, regret loving you.”
And Jake thought he could feel Sunghoon’s teardrops on his own cheeks for a second until he realized that they were his own. Jake was crying and he didn’t know why or maybe he did but before anything else was said, the call ended marking 3:34:58.
Only three and a half hours took to make Jake’s life make a 180° turn.
+1.
When Jake said he needed time, he didn’t expect that it would only take him two days, just two, to realize that he had feelings for Sunghoon, romantic ones. He didn’t know up to what extent he had them, he just knew that they were there, yelling at him for not screaming at Sunghoon that night, that he was right there, willing to try, but in his defense, back then, he was clueless about those not-so-hidden feelings that he had for his friend. They may not be as strong or as powerful as Sunghoon’s and he knew that, it was like he was trying to catch up on a feeling race where Sunghoon had a four-year lead to fail, practice and find a steady speed. And maybe, thinking about it, he may have been a little bit in love with Sunghoon all along too, he just didn’t stop to analyze his emotions, such as, why did his heartbeat always became faster whenever his friend was near or why does he blush every time Sunghoon acts sweetly towards him?; there may have been many moments where he should have stopped to think but he didn’t and he couldn't do anything about it now, so Jake didn’t care anymore because in the present, he knows that he is foolishly in love with his best friend, who happens to love him back and that’s all that matters.
Now, he needs to tell him and the fact that Sunghoon has been missing school for a week because he caught a cold is not helping, at all. He couldn't even go see him because his mom and Sunghoon’s would beat the shit out of him if he gets sick too, they always say that at least one of the two has to know what's going on at school and take notes, he always found it very reasonable but right now, he couldn’t believe how unfair the whole situation was, he just wanted to confess to his best friend for fuck’s sake. Sunghoon had called him to gossip or to ask how’s he doing but those calls don’t last long since he gets headaches or falls asleep after a few minutes and facetiming wasn’t even an option since Sunghoon was always deep asleep by the time Jake finally has time to sit down and talk.
It’s been a week and Jake misses him, he misses him so much, it’s insane. So he calls him, because Sunghoon told him that he was, miraculously, still awake and Jake wants to see him, even if Sunghoon spends the whole time sleeping, he just wants to feel Sunghoon close, it doesn't matter in what way or how much.
“Your screen is black, did your camera break?” Jake asks, laughing lightly once Sunghoon picks up.
“I look like shit.” Sunghoon replies, his voice hoarse but sweet. “I don’t want your last memory of me to be my face looking like this once I die” He jokes and Jake shakes his head, smiling.
“Sunghoon, we have talked about this already, you’re not gonna die. It’s just a cold” He replies and he hears Sunghoon’s frustrated little sounds and a tiny ‘how are you so sure’ so Jake giggles.
“Because I know for sure that if it was anything else your mom and mine would have carried you to the hospital themselves. Walking.” Sunghoon’s laugh after he shuts up makes his heart make a double flip.
“Just let me look at you, I don’t care how shitty you look”
“Promise not to laugh.” Sunghoon was pouting and Jake could tell by the tone of his voice and that image alone made him even more desperate to see him.
“I won’t laugh, pinky promise,” He holds his pinky up for him to see and as soon as he does it, the dark screen becomes brighter, colorful, just like how his life changed when they met. Sunghoon tends to have that effect on him.
And they started at each other, Jake couldn’t hold back his smile because yes, Sunghoon looked like absolute shit but he was still the prettiest sight he has ever laid his eyes on. His friend may be many, many, many things and one of them is beautiful, no matter if we are talking about his body or heart, Park Sunghoon was beautiful, more than Jake’s mind could process, so instead his body is the one who reacts with fast heartbeats, confused but pleased, in awe of the boy looking at him and so, so, so in love.
“Stop looking at me like that” Sunghoon whines and Jake dies a little at his cuteness.
“Like what?” He asks, boldly and Sunghoon’s red cheeks are totally worthy of an award.
“I don’t know” He replies quietly, almost whispering, avoiding Jake’s gaze, he was so flustered that Jake just shakes his head and changes the subject, taking Sunghoon by surprise when he tells him that he was finally doing his biology project.
“Keep me company?” Jake asks tenderly and Sunghoon just nods, finally looking at him and Jake realized that he wouldn’t mind being stuck in this moment forever.
They don’t talk much, is mostly Jake telling Sunghoon how things are going at school while the younger gives a few remarks from time to time and sometimes even helps Jake out on how to redact something or where he can find good books for his project. It’s not like Jake was dumb, he was just lazy, while Sunghoon preferred learning from books, Jake rathers finding the answers he needs by living different experiences. It’s just how they were and it worked, they worked well together.
At some point, Jake got really invested on what he was doing, focusing exclusively on what was going on his laptop’s screen, so he failed to notice at what point Sunghoon fell asleep, once he looked over he wasn't able to ignore the fuzzy feeling inside his stomach, Sunghoon could snatch the role from the Sleeping Beauty at any moment if he wanted to.
So he just kept him there, sleeping beside him and even after an hour or so Sunghoon was still in the same position, making puppy noises here and there and Jake couldn’t feel happier, so as soon as his paper was almost done, he took a break and decided to take in everything that was going on. Now that he has accepted or acknowledged his feelings, he’s fine, he really is but he’s still missing something and that is finally telling Sunghoon directly that he loved him in a way that friends don’t; and Jake is not afraid to, he’s excited even, the tip of his fingers are constantly tickling by how much he cannot wait to hold Sunghoon’s hand while he walks him home but that’s what sadness him the most too, he feels privileged, Sunghoon has gone through so much on his own, insecure and uncertain about the future, hurting himself but getting up with a smile on his face for four years; Jake feels good because he knows his love is reciprocated but what if he didn’t? Or what if his love was one-sided? Just the thought of it terrifies him to death and knowing that Sunghoon had to overcome all of that by himself, breaks his heart into countless pieces.
Thus, by looking at him, he almost couldn’t contain the honey-like words about to leave his mouth but he came back to his senses quickly, just a little bit, before he spoke up. “Are you asleep? As in like, for real?” He asked, his voice not too loud but he wasn’t whispering either.
Jake waited and no response came from his friend. “Park Sunghoon, I swear, you better be sleeping.” But even after a few minutes there was still no movement from Sunghoon’s part and he even was still making little noises, so still hesitating a bit, Jake started to talk.
“You seriously better be sleeping because I know this prank perfectly well and almost every trick, so you can’t fool me.” He said, looking directly at him and nothing, zero movement or signs of laughing on Sunghoon’s face. “Alright.”
“I honestly don’t even know why I wanna talk to you so bad if you’re sleeping, but I guess you were right, this may be therapeutic.” Jake shrugged, making himself comfortable on his chair.
“And this may be out of topic, or maybe not, but you look so precious right now” He clapped enthusiastically in the tiniest way possible while smiling.
“I have been dying to say that all night, I was almost biting my tongue.” Jake said frustrated. “If you hadn't got sick, this wouldn’t be happening. I had everything planned out!”
He put both of his legs up in the chair, crossing his arms while pouting. “You would go to school, I would've told you to go on an ice cream date with me, you would have obviously say yes, then I was gonna say sappy things, make you blush, say more sappy things, walk you home and then say I love you at your front door, we would have kissed, start dating so now I could say all the fluffy shit inside my head without biting my tongue!”
He complained, childishly, not noticing a very puzzled Park Sunghoon looking right back at him.
“What did you just say?”
“You must be kidding.”
“Jake Shim. What did you just say?” Sunghoon sat in a better position on his bed, confused and even kind of mad at the lack of response. “Repeat it, right now.”
Jake was looking at him with big eyes, stil not believing what was happening, he wanted to confess, yes, but not like this, the fuck. “Sunghoon, I-”
“Did you mean it?”
“Uh?” Jake asked, tilting his head to the side.
“Everything you said. Was it true?” Sunghoon wasn't giving him happy looks but rather sad, exhausted ones, definitely not the reaction that Jake was expecting. “And this is not the time to joke around, Jake.”
That’s when it hit him. Of course Sunghoon would doubt his feelings, he has been through hell and back and here’s Jake, saying that he loves him out of the blue? Anyone would've been confused and skeptical; Jake wanted nothing but to hold him close. So he collected his thoughts and finally spoke up.
“First things first, I meant every word I said. I swear.” And this time he didn’t miss the shock on Sunghoon’s pretty glossy eyes. “I know me saying this now may sound like I’m just playing around but I’m not.” Jake paused and took a deep breath. “And please, don’t get mad at me for what I’m going to say next but…”
“Go on.”
“Remember when I fell asleep last week? On facetime?”
“Shut up.”
“Yes. Look, Sunghoon, I was tired, I fell asleep but once you started talking I woke up and I couldn’t bring myself to open my eyes to stop you and no, shut up, let me talk.” He said once he saw Sunghoon opening his mouth. “I know it was wrong but at the same time, I don’t regret it” He shrugged.
“Jake Shim.” Sunghoon was frowning but Jake needed to talk, he needed to.
“And fine, get mad at me all you want but I don’t regret it, nop, not even for a second, because you helped me to understand my emotions, to think and analyze what has been going on with me for a long, long time and that’s that I love you, I love you so much, like, I can’t even express it well because you know my vocabulary sucks next to yours.” Jake said in a relaxed tone and when Sunghoon didn’t say anything back, he continued. “And I may not have been in love with you right from the start, but who cares? Time’s relative, I told you this already.”
And Sunghoon was crying but nothing like the nights before, this time there was no sorrow behind his eyes, as if every blue feeling that his heart may have had, vanished for good and his mind was also finally at ease, his face was glowing, and yes, tears were decorating it but so was a sweet, sweet smile. “I hate you so much.” He said, wiping his tears away, his voice dripping from affection.
“You don’t.”
“Fuck I do.” He replied while giggling and hiding his face a little. Jake was smiling too, wide and lovingly.
“You look beautiful while you’re crying.” Jake said but after seeing Sunghoon’s rosy cheeks he corrected himself. “Nah, scratch that, you are stunning all the time.”
“Shut up!”
“Get used to it!” They both giggled and paused just to stare at each other.
“You know, this is not how I imagined this to go but life must have it’s reasons, so it’s whatever. I get now why you were also disappointed for professing your undying love for me while I was asleep.” Jake joked around, breaking the ice and Sunghoon opened his eyes wide.
“I’m so cutting your dick off!”
“Park Sunghoon!”
And they laughed, they laughed about everything but nothing at the same time, they were creating farylights with the sparks falling from their eyes as they met each other’s once again. They were shining in gold, youthful and hopeful for this new beginning. Life was finally turning pink for Sunghoon and the way his facial expressions were demonstrating it made Jake want to give him something bigger than the world itself.
“I-” Jake started, but he paused mid sentence, realizing what he was about to do, he may be brave and he was one hundred percent sure that the answer to his question will be positive, but nervousness was something that no one could get rid off, he was human too, afterall. “Sunghoon, I-”
“Just say it.”
“For someone who’s sick, you have a lot to say”
Sunghoon playfully rolled his eyes but zipped his mouth with a gentle hand gesture and waited for Jake to continue. “Thanks. Anyways. Sunghoon, I, fuck, I don’t even know why I am so nevervous, like, I literally just told you that I love you, well, thinking about it, I said it but you didn’t...hold up dude, you love me, right?”
“Jake”
“Park Sunghoon, would you like to go on a date with me?” He asked bluntly, not hesitating anymore, he also closed his eyes, not being able to bare looking Sunghoon in the eyes just yet.
“Well, if I really think about it....no.”
“What.” Jake immediately opened his eyes and saw Sunghoon mischievously looking back at him as he also let out a little laugh, shamelessly “The way I hate you” He shaked his head in disapproval, but also signing in relief, only to gain a few more giggles from Sunghoon’s part.
“Jakey.”
“What.” He asked, still recovering for the mini heart attack that Sunghoon gave him.
“I would love to go on a date with you.” And maybe it was Sunghoon’s tender smile when he said it or the prominent shyness on his voice, but if there was one thing that Jake knew for sure was that he has never heard something that has made him this happy in a long, long time.
And it was amazing how fast Jake went from being sat down to be dancing his happiness off, without worries and no shame. He looked ridiculous, it was embarrassing and he could cringe at himself, to be completely honest, but his background music was Sunghoon’s laugh, which was enough to made him want to dance until the stars fall from the sky or the ocean dries up, because if Sunghoon was happy then he didn't care about anything else.
+1.5.
Once Sunghoon finally told him that it was safe for to them to meet, Jake legs had never run so fast, the whole neighbourhood gave him weird or worried stares but he rarely cares about them anyways so today wasn't gonna be an exception, he had money for all the ice creams that Sunghoon could want and a pocket full of honey words to say to his soon-to-be boyfriend. He ran as fast as all the scientifics laws allowed him to, he didn’t even have time to think about what to say, he just wanted to get there. Midway through his personal race he realized that he may end up really sweaty or look horrendous but quickly composed himself when he remembered that Sunghoon has seen him at his worse already and he was still there, loving him, so yes, he kept running without a care until Sunghoon’s doorstep was right in front of him.
And he didn’t look as bad as he thought he would or wasn't as tired as he could be so he knocked on the door, three times for good luck and as soon as Sunghoon appeared, looking incredibly pretty, with his shy smile and rosy cheeks, Jake thought that yes, the three knocks worked really well because he has never felt this lucky.
Their date wasn’t much different from their usual hangs outs, the only difference was that Jake didn't hold back when it came to touching Sunghoon, from holding his hand, playing with his fingers while they waited for their first ice cream, softly patting his head, or squishing his cheeks from time to time. Jake has never been good with words so this is the best he could do and every little reaction that he got from Sunghoon made him feel like a world champion.
So, he finally did it, he finally walked Sunghoon home, holding him tightly and not really wanting to let go.
“Isn't this how your-so-detailed date ended?” Sunghoon asked smiling, once they were at his doorstep.
“I know.” He pouted and Sunghoon just shaked his head in a lovely manner. “But, we still have school tomorrow.” He tried to cheer himself up.
“This is still so weird.”
“What do you mean?”
“I don’t know. I just, I’ve dreamed about this whole thing for so long that finally living it, still feels so, surreal, I guess? I feel like I need to wake at any second now, before you disappear.” Sunghoon said, lowering his gaze to the floor and Jake lifted his chin up.
“I know it took me a hell amount of time, but I'm here now, that’s all that matters and if you think you’re gonna get rid of me any time soon, then you couldn't be more wrong.” He was holding both of Sunghoon’s hands now, making special emphasis on certain words so they could get into Sunghoon’s head. “I love you.” He said, as if it was the most common thing to say.
And Sunghoon’s surprised face was priceless, since that night they hadn't said it to each other again, because Jake himself thought it was inappropriate to say it when they hadn't even gone on their first date yet, Sunghoon had laughed at him and called him an idiot but respected his decision nonetheless. But their first date was over and Jake couldn't hold it back anymore.
“I love you too.” He replied, still flustered but never taking his eyes from Jake. “I really do.”
And Jake's smile became wider before he spoke up again. “You know, now that I think about it, my date didn’t end on me walking you home.” He said cheekly and Sunghoon tilted his head to the side, confused, letting out a cute ‘uh?´
And before anything else could stop him, Jake kissed him. It was sweet, tender, they immediately found their way into each other's neck or waist, smiling in between, the sunset making it felt like the end of a coming-of-age movie and Jake thought that maybe, he was just like any other teeneger but he was missing a piece of his puzzle to live like one and he found it, or maybe Sunghoon found him, he didn't care, he was glowing in pink or maybe orange, he wasn't sure, the only thing he was certain of was that once he opened his eyes, Sunghoon was looking right back at him, shining in the most beautiful way possible.
Yeah, life isn't so bad afterall.