Chapter Text
“Wait! Please- I’m sorry, just- wait.”
You were all too aware of everyone’s eyes on you as you trailed after Javier desperately. Things had been tense since arriving at Beaver Hollow. Really tense. People who once got on so well were suddenly bickering and scrapping in the middle of camp and Dutch only brooded away in his tent day in and day out. Occasionally he would grace you with his presence but nowadays he mostly only spoke to Micah, his personal henchman and new prize pony now Arthur was sick and disobedient. Once upon a time Javier had shared your hatred of that man but now, he tolerated him for the sake of following Dutch’s lead.
Following Dutch, that’s all he wanted to do. Follow Dutch no matter what. Be strong. Be together. Be loyal. You were sick of hearing him talk this way. It was his mouth but Dutch’s words, it was as if every day he became less and less himself and you were losing him.
“You aren’t sorry. You’re trying to undermine us all like the rest of them! You say I’m a puppet to Dutch? They’re turning you against me but I’m right.” Javier stopped so suddenly you nearly bumped into him in your haste to keep up as he stormed out of camp. You had rarely seen him so angry with you, his jaw clenched as he glared back at you. You had rarely seen him so angry with you but recently it was becoming more frequent. Especially when the conversation turned to Dutch and the gang.
“I didn’t mean that. Or I didn’t mean to say it like that. It doesn’t matter.” You huffed, frustrated by your own lack of eloquence. It was late but the light of the moon meant that the trees cast long shadows around you like prison bars. You looked down at his hands to take them in yours but his fists were clenched. “I’m just trying to get through to you. I don’t want to die here. God knows I don’t want you to die here because you’re blinded by loyalty!” naturally saying this only made things worse.
He raked his fingers through his loose hair as if you were talking complete nonsense, frustrated and completely certain he was in the right. “y/n, we aren’t going to die here. No one is dying if we just stay together like Dutch says. A lone wolf doesn’t last long out on the plains.”
You threw up your hands and gave a bitter laugh “You’re talking just like him!” Dutch was constantly spitting out neat little proverbs like that whenever anyone dared doubt him. Javier only shook his head, swaying on his feet for a moment before he sighed and sat on the moss-covered log behind him.
“Dutch loves us and we need to trust him. Do you think I would tell you to do that if I thought it would get you killed?” you knew this was the truth, at least what he was wholeheartedly convinced was the truth. He only wanted the best for you. Always had and always would.
“I know you think that. But I think different.” You watched him as he hung his head. He was frustrated and confused and most of all afraid, He was afraid of losing you and he was afraid of losing his family again. You frowned but sat down close beside him, snaking your arms around him in comfort. He relaxed into you, all his tensed muscles easing with this simple touch. “But I won’t leave you. Whatever happens. Just…just don’t leave me either.
“Just trust Dutc-“ he stopped himself from repeating himself yet again “Trust me. I won’t let anything bad happen to mi amor. I promise, I’ll keep you safe.” He pulled away but only enough to press a soft kiss to your forehead. You wished you could believe him.