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It’s probably not normal to dread your best friend’s birthday with the entirety of your being.
Jeongguk knows this, and yet, here he is. Taehyung is turning 19 in two hours and 57 minutes, and Jeongguk feels physically ill at the prospect.
It’s not for malicious reasons, though. It’s not because he doesn’t want to celebrate Taehyung, or shower him with attention. For as long as Jeongguk can remember, he’s happily spent every one of Taehyung’s birthdays with him, doing everything in his power to make him feel happy and loved. And for the past four years (ever since his mom gave up on trying to enforce a bedtime), he’s made it a priority to be with Taehyung at midnight on his birthday, cheering as December 29th ends and December 30th begins. It’s kind of their thing, and usually Jeongguk loves it. He loves anything that means spending time with Taehyung.
The problem is, this year, Taehyung is turning 19. Which means, if his soulmate is his age or older, that person’s name will appear on his wrist as the clock strikes twelve.
And if that happens, Jeongguk’s life is over.
Okay, maybe that’s a little dramatic. His life won’t actually end. He’s only 17, after all, and if he’s lucky he still has many years ahead of him.
Years that he’ll spend absolutely heartbroken if it turns out Taehyung has a soulmate who isn’t him.
He’s trying to be practical about it. He knows they’re young, and the chances that his soulmate just happens to be the kid with the rectangular smile who grew up across the street from him are pretty slim. Probably Taehyung has another soulmate, someone older and dashing who will sweep him off his feet and make him forget Jeongguk ever existed. Which means, by extension, that Jeongguk also has a soulmate who isn’t Taehyung, but somehow the thought of that doesn’t make him feel very reassured.
He’s liked Taehyung for what feels like forever. They’d grown up together, best friends for as long as Jeongguk can remember, until somewhere along the way puberty hit and Jeongguk realized that maybe it was a little more than best friends. Maybe it’s not strictly best friends if you think about kissing the other person like, all the time.
They’re still best friends, though. And it’s great, it’s been positively peachy, until Jeongguk realized like a month ago that possibly his world was about to get turned upside down.
Which brings him to now, carrying a teetering pile of snacks across the street to Taehyung’s house, trying without much success to unravel the knot of anxiety that’s taken up residence in his stomach.
When Taehyung greets him at the front door, dressed in his favorite tie-dye t-shirt with his hair flopping over his forehead, it simultaneously makes the knot both better and worse.
“Hey,” Taehyung says, swooping in to rescue a few bags of chips before the slip from the top of Jeongguk’s pile. “Sup.”
“Sup, dude,” Jeongguk replies, kicking off his shoes as he steps inside. Sometimes, when he’s too lazy for shoes, he just crosses the street barefoot and hopes his mom doesn’t notice.
“Not much, broski,” Taehyung says. “Chillin.”
“Word. Sounds fire, man.”
Taehyung’s lips twitch. Jeongguk snorts, and then a giggle slips out.
“You lose,” Taehyung grins, turning and leading the way further into his house. Jeongguk knows it practically as well as his own at this point, could probably navigate the path down to the basement even with a blindfold on.
“What! You smiled!” Jeongguk cries out indignantly as they descend the stairs. The Kims’ basement is small and frankly, nothing special, but it’s Taehyung’s little haven. There’s a video game setup, some ratty bean bag chairs, and a couch that Jeongguk has probably spent literal years of his life on at this point. There’s also a rather carelessly hidden stash of beers behind the couch, although now that Taehyung is turning 19, they don’t really need to be hidden anymore. The Kims have always been pretty chill, anyway.
“Did not,” Taehyung retorts, a bald-faced lie. He’s always been a confident liar. Sometimes it works in Jeongguk’s favor, like when they do something stupid and have to worm their way out of it, but sometimes (like now) it’s just annoying. “You laughed.”
“After you smiled!” Jeongguk insists. It’s pointless, really - he knows who’s going to win this argument. Especially when -
Taehyung pouts at him, eyes widening as his lower lip protrudes slightly. “It’s my birthday, Jeonggukkie. I have to win on my birthday.”
“It’s not your birthday yet,” Jeongguk grumbles, but he doesn’t push it. Taehyung’s pout has legendary powers, and Jeongguk is a weak, weak man.
It’s a well worn routine by now, the way they arrange themselves on the couch. Taehyung on the right, Jeongguk on the left, snacks, beers, and video game controllers all within arm’s reach. Jeongguk thinks his ass print is probably embedded in this couch from how many times he’s assumed this very position. It’s a two-seater, which means their knees sometimes knock together if one of them is sitting cross-legged. Possibly Jeongguk has started sitting cross-legged more than is entirely comfortable.
“Are you excited for your birthday?” Jeongguk asks. He knows it would be better to just avoid the subject for now, try to enjoy what may be his last few hours with a soulmate-less Taehyung, but he can’t help himself. It’s been on his mind pretty much non-stop for the past month, and now it’s so close he can’t possibly think of anything else.
Taehyung shrugs. “Sure,” he says. He’s been a little hard to read when it comes to this birthday, which has only added to Jeongguk’s anxiety about the whole thing. Usually, Taehyung is bubbly and excited about his special day, eager to celebrate and be fawned over. This year, though, he’s been a little more subdued, almost avoidant when they talk about it. Jeongguk’s paranoid-as-fuck brain has interpreted that as him daydreaming about his soulmate, looking ahead to a grown-up life that Jeongguk doesn’t have a place in. “It’s kind of cool to be legally an adult, I guess.”
Jeongguk blinks at him. This is exactly what he means about Taehyung being kind of avoidant about the whole thing. Most people who are about to turn 19 talk almost exclusively about whether their soulmate’s name is about to appear on their wrist, and if so, who it will be. Taehyung, on the other hand, just seems kind of… apathetic about the whole thing.
Which, frankly, is far better than the alternative. Jeongguk doesn’t think he would have survived having to sit around listening to Taehyung wax poetic about his soulmate for the past few months. It might have better prepared him for whatever’s about to come, but selfishly he’s glad he got a little more time with Taehyung all to himself.
“What about your soulmate?” Jeongguk blurts out, because apparently he hates himself and has no brain to mouth filter.
Taehyung shrugs again. “What about them?”
Jeongguk gives him an incredulous look. “Are you excited? Or, like, curious?”
“I guess so,” Taehyung says, glancing down at his wrist. He looks neither excited nor curious. If anything, his expression is kind of… resigned. “I mean, I dunno. I might not even find out tonight. Only if they’re older, or the exact same age.”
Jeongguk hasn’t really allowed himself to entertain the possibility that Taehyung’s soulmate is someone younger, that there’s even the faintest, tiniest sliver of hope that it’s him. He’s been preparing for the worst, practicing what he’ll say, how he’ll stay composed if a name appears on Taehyung’s inner right wrist at midnight. At least this way, he’ll know if there’s no chance for his hopeless schoolboy crush, and maybe he can start moving on. Otherwise, he’s doomed to spend the next year and nine months till his own 19th birthday waiting and wondering, in constant fear that the name could appear at any moment.
“That’s true,” Jeongguk mumbles, still kind of baffled by how nonplussed Taehyung seems. He glances at his phone. Only two hours and five minutes till midnight.
“Wanna play some games?” Taehyung asks.
Jeongguk nods. And then they’re slipping into their usual routine, shouting and laughing at each other, getting way too competitive, and two hours pass in what feels like the blink of an eye.
“Shit,” Taehyung says, looking down at his phone during a lull in their game. “Five minutes to midnight.”
For the first time, there’s a flicker of emotion on his face at the prospect of his birthday. Maybe nerves, Jeongguk thinks. Maybe something else.
“Shit,” Jeongguk echoes, the knot in his stomach returning in full force, even more twisted up and tangled than before.
He doesn’t know what else to say, the potential immensity of the impending moment rendering him temporarily speechless. Then his completely useless brain-to-mouth filter rears its head, and he finds himself rushing out the thing that’s been on his mind for the past month.
“Promise you won’t forget about me when you find your soulmate?”
Taehyung’s eyes widen, his lips parting in surprise. He’d been staring down at his phone, but now he’s looking right at Jeongguk, and Jeongguk’s primary thought is that it’s really not fair how handsome he is. Even in a tie-dye t-shirt with a few chip crumbs scattered down the front.
“Promise,” Taehyung says earnestly, quickly recovering from his apparent surprise. “I would never, Jeonggukkie.”
Jeongguk nods, vaguely mollified. His cheeks feel a little warm from his outburst, but luckily it’s too dark in the basement for Taehyung to be able to tell.
“You’re my best friend,” Taehyung continues. He’s staring at Jeongguk super intently now and it’s a little overwhelming. “Nothing’s gonna change how important you are to me, okay?”
Jeongguk feels suddenly breathless. He nods again. “’Kay.”
“Have you really been worried about that?”
Now Taehyung’s eyebrows are knit together in concern, and that’s overwhelming too.
Jeongguk shrugs, trying to act like it’s a casual thing and not like he’s been living in fear of this day for the past month. “Kinda.”
Taehyung frowns. Then he sort of lunges forward, enveloping Jeongguk in a tight hug. Hugging Taehyung has become one of those things that’s both heaven and torture for Jeongguk. It feels so nice, and Taehyung smells so good, but then it’s over and for a little while Jeongguk feels like his body goes through actual withdrawal symptoms.
“You don’t need to worry, okay?” Taehyung murmurs, his voice close to Jeongguk’s ear. Jeongguk melts a little bit, his body a wobbly blob in Taehyung’s arms. “I could never forget you.”
Jeongguk nods against his shoulder, his heart throbbing in his chest. Then he catches sight of Taehyung’s phone, lying on the couch where he had been sitting before he flung himself at Jeongguk. It’s lit up with a message from Jimin, presumably a happy birthday text, but that’s not what catches Jeongguk’s attention - it’s the time.
“Tae,” he says, exerting real willpower to withdraw himself from Taehyung’s embrace. He steels himself. “Tae, it’s 12:01.”
Their eyes meet. Jeongguk thinks Taehyung looks scared. He has no idea what Taehyung sees in his own eyes. Sadness, maybe. Longing. There’s a pause, and then Taehyung is whipping his wrist out, both of them staring down at it.
The skin there is still blank, smooth and unmarred. The knot in Jeongguk’s stomach unravels slightly. Taehyung lets out a long, shaky exhale.
“Guess my soulmate’s younger than me,” Taehyung breathes, his eyes lifting to Jeongguk’s.
Jeongguk gulps. “Yeah,” he says uselessly.
He’s more relieved than he expected to be. Even if it means more waiting and agonizing, it also means that he gets to hold onto a shred of hope. Possibly that hope will be the death of him, but for now it feels kind of exhilarating. For now, his best friend is still his.
Speaking of his best friend, Jeongguk thinks they might be kind of having a moment right now. There’s this tension in the air, an energy between them that feels almost palpable. Jeongguk’s not sure what to make of it, but he feels very aware of how close Taehyung’s face is to his own. If they stay like this much longer, he might do something colossally stupid like kissing Taehyung on the mouth.
“Happy birthday, hyung,” Jeongguk whispers, pulling back slightly.
The words seem to snap Taehyung out of whatever trance he’d been in. “Thanks, Jeonggukkie,” he murmurs.
Then he clears his throat, shifting back to his own ass print on the couch, and just like that, the moment’s over. Jeongguk doesn’t know if he feels relieved or disappointed.
“Guess we should see if I can kick your 19 year-old ass as well as I can kick your 18 year-old ass,” he says.
Taehyung leans over, flicking the side of Jeongguk’s head. “You’re on, Jeon.”
***
After Taehyung’s birthday, things pretty much go back to normal.
Jeongguk’s still a little on edge, afraid that a name is going to randomly bloom across Taehyung’s wrist at any given moment, but he kind of gets used to it. And he tries not to dwell too much on that moment they’d had in Taehyung’s basement, the weird tension he’d felt when Taehyung realized his soulmate was someone younger than him. It just gets filed away with all his other little Taehyung moments, the ones he sometimes allows himself to sort through late at night, alone in his room. The way Taehyung smiles at him sometimes, sweet and fond; the way his arm feels when it wraps around Jeongguk’s waist. That time they went roller skating for Jimin’s birthday, and they had to hold hands the whole time because Taehyung kept falling down.
All these tiny details, stacking up one by one, until Jeongguk feels full to bursting with them. There’s not much he can do it about, though, not when there’s still a very real and highly likely possibility that both of them have different soulmates.
So life goes on. Taehyung graduates and starts working, and in the fall he starts taking classes part-time at a local college. It’s been his plan for a while, and he says it’s because he wants to save some money before going back to school full-time, but a secret, hopeful part of Jeongguk wonders if it has something to do with not wanting to leave him behind. Regardless of the reason, he’s grateful for it - it’s a bummer not getting to see Taehyung around school anymore, but at least he’s still right across the street and available to hang out all the time.
Jimin starts school full-time, but he’s local enough that he can still easily come visit on the weekends. He’s always been Taehyung’s best friend more than Jeongguk’s, but the two of them have gotten pretty close over the years as well. Close enough that one weekend when Taehyung is working an afternoon shift, Jeongguk and Jimin go to get coffee on their own before meeting up with Taehyung to see a movie.
One of the things Jeongguk’s always found particularly interesting about Jimin is his skepticism when it comes to soulmates. His parents are soulmates, and had gotten divorced when Jimin was younger, and it had left him generally not convinced about the whole thing. Even when he turned 19 and the name “Namjoon” appeared on his wrist at midnight on the dot.
“I just don’t get why ‘destiny’ or whatever should get to determine who I fall in love with,” he often says. Jeongguk and Taehyung both know the whole spiel by heart now. “I’m an adult, I can make my own choices.”
Personally, Jeongguk has mixed feelings on the subject. On the one hand, he kind of agrees with Jimin. He wants to be with Taehyung, and it seems crazy that just because of some name that might show up on their wrists, that would be prevented from happening. On the other hand, there’s a tiny, deeply repressed part of him that thinks Taehyung really is his soulmate, his true match. He doesn’t even necessarily believe it on a rational level, but he feels it sometimes.
So pretty much, he’s only down with the idea of soulmates if his soulmate is Taehyung.
Today, on line at the coffee shop, Jimin is ranting about it again.
“It’s just ridiculous to say there’s only one person on this whole freaking planet who’s right for me,” he scoffs. “Out of seven billion people? Give me a break.”
He shakes his head, waving a frustrated hand.
“Yeah,” Jeongguk contributes pointlessly as they step forward in line. Privately, he feels there is only one person on the whole planet who’s right for him, but he chooses not to share that information with Jimin.
“There’s probably plenty of people I could - ” Jimin cuts off mid-sentence as they step up to the counter.
Jeongguk turns to look at him, confused (Jimin’s not exactly the quiet type, so it’s odd for him to stop talking out of nowhere), and finds him staring straight ahead with his mouth still open. Even more confused, Jeongguk follows his gaze to the guy standing behind the counter, dressed in a khaki-colored apron. He’s tall and handsome, brown hair pushed back off his forehead, and he’s looking at Jimin with a similarly awestruck expression.
For a second, Jeongguk feels genuinely baffled by the situation. Jimin very rarely loses his cool, especially not around cute guys. Maybe this is some random one-night stand that he’s embarrassed to be bumping into again? Even that seems unlikely - he’d expect Jimin to just flirt a little and then fill Jeongguk in on the juicy details once they’re out of earshot.
Perplexed, Jeongguk’s eyes drop to the name tag on the guy’s apron - and then, everything clicks into place.
Namjoon.
Well, shit.
Jeongguk’s never actually witnessed two soulmates meeting before. He’s seen it on TV shows and in movies, the whole world-stopping, eyes-meeting-across-the-room deal, which he always assumed was an exaggeration. He’s never seen it literally play out right in front of his face, though.
It’s kind of wild.
“Hi,” Jimin breathes.
“Hi,” the guy replies. He smiles and a set of dimples that look hand-carved appears. “I’m - I mean - can I take your order?”
“Iced matcha, please,” Jimin says mechanically. He looks completely stunned.
The guy - Namjoon - nods, writing something on the side of a cup with a visibly shaking hand. “Name?”
“Jimin.”
The guy drops his marker. He looks down at his wrist, then back up at Jimin. “I think - I think, umm - ”
“Yeah,” Jimin says, nodding. He holds up his wrist, showing Namjoon where it says his name. “Yeah.”
“Holy shit,” Namjoon breathes, running his hand through his hair.
“I’m gonna go sit over there with my friend,” Jimin announces, grabbing Jeongguk’s arm in a vice-like grip. Namjoon looks like he didn’t even notice Jeongguk’s presence until just now. “When’s your shift over?”
“An hour,” Namjoon replies.
“Cool,” Jimin nods. “We’ll be here.”
And then he tugs Jeongguk away before he can even place his order.
“Holy fuck,” Jimin hisses, fisting his hands in his hair once they’ve settled themselves at the corner her table. He keeps darting surreptitious glances over at Namjoon, then quickly looking away. “Did I just meet my soulmate?”
“I think you did,” Jeongguk replies.
Jimin groans, glancing over at Namjoon again. “Fuck. Fuck, he’s hot.”
“So what was that you were just saying about how soulmates are stupid?” Jeongguk asks innocently.
Jimin kicks him under the table.
***
“He met his soulmate and I missed it?!” Taehyung shrieks.
Several people standing outside the movie theater give him strange looks. Taehyung seems to either not notice or not care. Possibly both.
“Did you take pictures?! Is there a video? Tell me everything.”
After the events that had taken place at the coffee shop, Jeongguk had left Jimin to get to know Namjoon a little better and come to meet Taehyung on his own.
“Umm,” Jeongguk says. “There’s no pictures. Or video.”
Taehyung groans. “Jeonggukkie!”
“Sorry, Tae, it’s not like I’ve just been walking around with my phone out waiting for Jimin to meet his soulmate.” Jeongguk shrugs. “It honestly happened really quickly. They just kind of stared at each other, and then I saw the name tag and realized.”
“I can’t believe it,” Taehyung says, shaking his head. “And Jimin seemed down with it?”
“I think he was kind of caught off guard, but yeah,” Jeongguk nods. “It was seriously like something you’d see in a movie. Like, instantaneous.”
If he’s honest, Jeongguk’s a little put off by the whole thing. Not because he’s not happy for Jimin, he definitely is. It’s just that now he’s terrified that the same thing is going to happen with Taehyung, that they’ll be out somewhere and Taehyung will lock eyes with someone and just know. The thought makes him vaguely nauseous.
He can’t even remember the first time he locked eyes with Taehyung, probably because he was five years old at the time. Looking into Taehyung’s eyes now does make him kind of giddy sometimes, but he can never give Taehyung the kind of moment Jimin just had.
“Wow. Well, I’m excited to meet him,” Taehyung says. He looks at Jeongguk, forehead wrinkling. “Hey, you okay?”
Jeongguk nods, trying to pull himself together. “Yeah, fine.”
“Don’t worry, Jeonggukkie, your soulmate’s out there too,” Taehyung reassures him. It’s obviously meant to make Jeongguk feel better, but instead it just makes him kind of want to cry. “Come on, I’ll buy you some candy.”
He takes Jeongguk’s hand, tugging him along, and buys a selection of all of Jeongguk’s favorite candy without even having to ask what he wants. It’s not as heart-stopping as meeting a total stranger and immediately realizing they’re your soulmate, but to Jeongguk, it feels like the most romantic thing in the world.
***
The summer before Jeongguk’s 19th birthday, Taehyung starts acting strange. He’s going out more, spending more time with his school friends and less time with Jeongguk. It’s not like Taehyung is completely blowing him off, but they’re close enough that Jeongguk can sense a difference, and it bothers him. It’s just another layer on top of the anxiety he’s already feeling as his own 19th birthday approaches, and with it the likely end to any hope he has about Taehyung being his soulmate.
One Saturday night, he gets a call from Jimin a little after 1 AM. Jeongguk is awake but not doing much of anything, mostly just messing around on his phone while some random Netflix show streams on his laptop.
“Guk?” Jimin practically yells into the phone when Jeongguk answers. He winces, holding it a little further away from his ear. From the sound of the loud music and voices in the background, Jeongguk gathers Jimin is at a bar. “Can you come get Tae? He’s kind of a mess and he keeps asking for you.”
Even though things are a little weird between him and Taehyung right now, Jeongguk’s heart gives a little thump of approval of that.
“Is he okay?” Jeongguk asks, concerned.
“Yeah, he’s fine,” Jimin assures him. “Just drank a little too much. Namjoon and I are with him, but I think he just needs to go home.”
“Okay,” Jeongguk says, already climbing out of bed and hunting around for a pair of shoes to put on. “I’m on my way.”
He creeps downstairs, grabbing his mom’s car keys and slipping out the front door as quietly as possible. Usually, he wouldn’t take her car without asking for permission, but in this case he doesn’t think she’d appreciate being woken up at one in the morning. Plus, Taehyung is like a second son to his parents - if there’s any reason they’d be okay with Jeongguk sneaking off with the car in the middle of the night, it’s to help Taehyung.
Fortunately, the bar Taehyung and Jimin are at is only a short drive from his house. He gets there in under 15 minutes, spotting them immediately when he rolls up at the curb. Taehyung is upright, at least, hanging off of Jimin and seemingly trying to pepper his cheeks with kisses. Namjoon is standing nearby, taking it all in and looking like he can’t decide whether to be alarmed, amused, or annoyed.
Throwing the car in park, Jeongguk hops out to go help Jimin, knowing how much of a handful Taehyung can be when he’s really drunk. Jimin looks immensely relieved at the sight of him, waving Jeongguk over as he attempts to peel Taehyung off of his body.
“Taetae, look!” Jimin is saying as Jeongguk approaches them. “It’s Jeonggukkie!”
Taehyung gasps dramatically, releasing Jimin and whipping around with wide eyes. He looks positively delighted when he sees Jeongguk, teetering over and flinging himself into Jeongguk’s arms with surprising force.
“Jeonggukkie!” he cries, hugging him tightly. Jeongguk’s arms come up to wrap around him automatically, and he feels that familiar tug of want, of yearning, at having Taehyung so close.
“Hi, Tae,” he replies, chuckling. “You okay?”
Taehyung pulls back, nodding fervently. “I’m great now that you’re here!”
“That’s great,” Jeongguk says. “Wanna come home with me?”
Taehyung shakes his head, taking Jeongguk’s hands and tugging him towards the entrance of the bar. “No! You should stay here! Come dance with us!”
“I can’t get into the bar, Tae,” Jeongguk reminds him. “I’m not 19 yet.”
Something about this revelation is apparently very upsetting to Taehyung, and he immediately bursts into tears.
“What!” Jeongguk cries, alarmed. “Don’t cry! It’s not that big of a deal, just come home with me, okay?”
Taehyung buries his face in Jeongguk’s neck, continuing to blubber.
“I don’t want you to turn 19,” he mumbles through his tears. “What if your soulmate isn’t me?”
Jeongguk freezes. Taehyung’s words are a little muffled because he’s both crying and speaking against Jeongguk’s neck, but Jeongguk is pretty sure he heard that right. He looks around frantically, hoping for someone else to validate him, but Jimin and Namjoon are standing too far away.
Still, Taehyung can’t possibly have meant that, right? Not in the way Jeongguk wants him to mean it. He’s just sad because growing up and finding their soulmates also inevitably means growing apart from each other. At least, that’s why Jeongguk thinks he’s been acting weird all summer.
“Come on, Tae,” Jeongguk says, running a comforting hand up and down Taehyung’s back. He genuinely has no idea how to respond to what Taehyung had just said, especially not when he’s wasted, so he chooses to just - not. “Let’s get you home, yeah? You can stay at mine.”
Taehyung perks up a bit at this, pulling himself together enough to wave goodbye to Jimin and Namjoon and climb into the passenger seat of Jeongguk’s car. Once there, he promptly passes out.
Jeongguk spends the drive home silently freaking out, totally lost as to how he should interpret Taehyung’s words. The more he thinks about it, the more he’s convinced he must have made it up, or is reading too much into it. Taehyung is really drunk, after all, and it’s entirely possible that he was just emotional and babbling nonsense. It wouldn’t be the first time.
Taehyung is sleepy and a bit grumpy when they get back to Jeongguk’s house, disgruntled at being woken up from his nap. Still, he obligingly attaches himself to Jeongguk’s back and remains surprisingly quiet as Jeongguk maneuvers him into the house and up the stairs to his bedroom. His parents don’t seem to have stirred, which is a relief - as much as they love Taehyung, he still doesn’t think they’d be thrilled about finding him sneaking into their house drunk in the middle of the night.
Once they’re safely in his bedroom, Jeongguk gives Taehyung some pajamas to change into and goes to get him a glass of water. When he returns, Taehyung is snuggled into his bed with the covers pulled up to his chin, making him look unfairly innocent and adorable for someone whose drunk ass just had to be retrieved from a bar.
“Here, drink some water,” Jeongguk says, crawling onto the bed and handing the glass to Taehyung, who takes it and drains practically the whole thing in several large gulps.
“Water is so good,” he says enthusiastically, setting the glass on the nightstand. Jeongguk snorts.
“How are you feeling?”
“Good,” Taehyung tells him, yawning hugely. “Sleepy.”
“Sleep, then.”
“Mm.” He yawns again, eyelids drooping. “Thanks for coming to get me, Jeonggukkie.”
“’Course,” Jeongguk says, slipping under the covers as well. Taehyung gravitates towards him immediately, flinging an arm and a leg across Jeongguk’s body. This is pretty standard of any time they share a bed, but Jeongguk still finds it sort of overwhelming. He can feel Taehyung’s breath against his shoulder, inhale the scent of his shampoo. He smells a little bit like beer and sweat from the bar, but even that isn’t as off-putting as it probably should be.
“You’re the best,” Taehyung mumbles, nosing at Jeongguk’s shoulder. The words are slurred like he’s already half asleep - Jeongguk is surprised that he’s still talking at all. “Wish you were my soulmate.”
Just like back at the bar, Jeongguk goes still. His stomach somersaults, his whole body breaking out in goosebumps. He stares up at the ceiling, too terrified to turn his head and see the expression on Taehyung’s face.
This is now the second time in the past hour Taehyung has made a reference to them being soulmates. And not only that, but he’d spoken of it like it’s something he’s thought about, something he wants. Jeongguk doesn’t know what to make of it, especially because Taehyung is drunk (and now on the brink of sleep), and because Taehyung has never said anything like this before. Sure, there have been plenty of things that have made Jeongguk’s poor, desperate heart cling to the idea of Taehyung as his soulmate, but he’s always assumed it was one-sided. He doesn’t even know how to process the prospect that it might not be.
Taking a deep breath, Jeongguk gathers all his courage and slowly turns his head to face Taehyung. But when he finally does, he finds his best friend already fast asleep, mouth half open and nose still pressed against Jeongguk’s shoulder.
***
The next morning, Jeongguk wakes up to sunshine and a very hungover Taehyung.
“Morning,” Jeongguk says when he stirs awake and finds Taehyung already awake beside him.
“Mmph,” Taehyung replies into his pillow.
Jeongguk grins. “How are you feeling?”
“Been better,” Taehyung grunts, turning to face him. His hair is a disaster, dark brown waves all frizzy and haphazardly parted over his forehead. “I guess I slept here?”
Jeongguk hums. “You were pretty drunk, so Jimin called me to come get you from the bar.”
“Ugh. Sorry.”
“It’s fine,” Jeongguk says, meaning it. “You weren’t that bad, honestly.”
Taehyung lifts a disbelieving eyebrow. “Really?”
“I mean, just a little clingy,” Jeongguk admits. “But that’s not really much different from when you’re sober.”
Taehyung kicks him weakly under the covers.
“Did I say anything embarrassing?”
He says it casually, but there’s something slightly off in his delivery, like maybe he actually is worried about what he said. It brings memories of last night rushing back to Jeongguk, the two references to them being soulmates, and all of a sudden he doesn’t know how to answer. He doesn’t know if Taehyung remembers, doesn’t know if he meant for Jeongguk to hear, or even meant it, period.
He sees it on Taehyung’s face when he pauses for too long, the slow-dawning alarm that maybe he did say something mortifying. But before he can ask again, Jeongguk nips the situation in the bud, blurting out a half-lie.
“Nope,” he says, and his voice sounds off too. “Or, just that water is so good.”
Taehyung blinks, clearly not having expected this answer. Something flickers across his face, too fast for Jeongguk to really catch it, and then he laughs.
“Wow. So profound.”
Jeongguk laughs too, but when he stops, it’s quiet between them, something in the air that wasn’t there before. Taehyung seems caught up in his own thoughts, his expression difficult to read. It’s not something Jeongguk’s really used to from him, but it’s been happening more and more lately.
“I should probably go,” Taehyung says, rubbing his face. This is different, too - usually he’d find a way to hang around all day, eating all Jeongguk’s food and playing all his video games until his mom called and insisted he come home for dinner.
“’Kay,” Jeongguk replies, sensing the weirdness but not sure how to extinguish it.
He stays in bed while Taehyung collects himself, grabbing his clothes but not bothering to change out of the sweats and t-shirt Jeongguk had lent him (at least some things are still the same). Eventually, he gets up and follows Taehyung down to the front door, the two of them waving good morning to Jeongguk’s parents as they pass the kitchen. It’s a testament to how often Taehyung stays over that they don’t even question when or how he showed up.
The strange awkwardness is still there when they reach the door, Taehyung turning around on the front step to say goodbye.
“Thanks again,” he says. He has his clothes balled up in his fist, and it feels like the morning after some weird, not-sexual one night stand. Jeongguk keeps getting distracted by the way his t-shirt hangs loosely off of Taehyung’s frame. “See you, like - soon, I’m sure.”
“Yeah,” Jeongguk nods.
He closes the door before he can watch Taehyung make the trip down the front path and across the street, and then he goes back upstairs, crawls back in bed, and tries to sleep the day away.
***
Despite the vague weirdness simmering between them, traditions are traditions, and so Taehyung shows up at Jeongguk’s door with a towering armful of snacks on the eve of his 19th birthday.
Jeongguk has been feeling anxious all day - all week, really - not sure how to process that he might be just hours away from finding out who his soulmate is, from finding out for sure if it’s not Taehyung. He doesn’t feel emotionally prepared to face the gravity of that discovery, doesn’t feel ready to let go of the hope he’s been holding on to for these past however many years.
Unfortunately, time doesn’t particularly care about what Jeongguk is or isn’t ready for, the seconds slipping inexorably by as he does his best to act normal. Which is particularly difficult given that things aren’t really normal between him and Taehyung to begin with, and at this point Jeongguk can’t tell how much of that is coming from himself versus Taehyung, or from somewhere else entirely.
Still, there’s a familiarity that comes with knowing someone for so long, with having spent hours doing essentially nothing together, and so they just default back to that, playing video games and stuffing their faces with snacks the same way they had on the eve of Taehyung’s 19th birthday, almost two years ago. A part of Jeongguk wishes that Taehyung would have just found out his soulmate’s name that night, or any night since then, just to put an end to this constant waiting, this flicker of hope that refuses to die out completely.
Then again, maybe it wouldn’t have mattered. He doubts that a name on Taehyung’s wrist would have put a stop to the warmth he feels whenever Taehyung looks at him, the way his stomach flip-flops whenever he makes Taehyung laugh. He thinks he’d still be sitting here feeling the same way, acutely aware of the heat of Taehyung’s body beside him, the way he shifts and moves and holds himself.
It’s probably because he’s so aware that he notices when Taehyung leans forward to grab another chip, the sleeve of his sweatshirt sliding back to reveal his wrist. And on it, a series of black characters.
The feeling hits Jeongguk like a punch in the stomach. He draws his eyes away before he can read what the characters spell, but all of a sudden his heart is pounding and his body somehow feels both hot and cold at the same time. Oddly, his first reaction isn’t sadness that he obviously isn’t Taehyung’s soulmate - it’s hurt that Taehyung found out who his soulmate is and hadn’t bothered to tell him.
He stands abruptly, his game controller tumbling to the floor. They’re right in the middle of a game, but it doesn’t matter - he needs a second alone, just a little time to process what’s happening. Maybe this is why Taehyung has been acting weird lately - maybe he found out who his soulmate is, and they’re in love, and he doesn’t know how to break it to his dumb childhood best friend that he doesn’t have time for him anymore.
Taehyung makes a noise of confusion at Jeongguk’s sudden movement, and he even calls after him as Jeongguk hurries out of the room. Jeongguk doesn’t stop, though, can’t bear to turn around and see his face right now. He doesn’t really have a clear plan for where he’s going other than just away, but he ends up in his bedroom, facedown on his bed with the door shut behind him.
He knows he’s being ridiculous, is the thing. He knew this was going to happen, he’s been trying to prepare for it to happen for the past five years at least, and so his reaction right now is completely childish and stupid. But he can’t help the feeling in his chest, in his stomach, the pressure behind his eyes and in his throat. Because it had been one thing to think about it, to anticipate it, but it’s another thing entirely to know it for certain, this grim reality that it really isn’t meant to be for him and Taehyung. It makes him realize with startling clarity just how hard he’d been holding on to that possibility, as unlikely as he knew it to be.
“Guk?”
Taehyung’s voice floats through from the other side of the door, and Jeongguk groans quietly, shoving his face harder into his pillow. He doesn’t feel ready to face this yet.
“Jeonggukkie, are you okay?” Taehyung tries again. “Are you sick or something?”
Lovesick, Jeongguk thinks to himself melodramatically.
“I’m fine,” Jeongguk calls back, but unfortunately his voice sounds all croaky and decidedly not fine.
Taehyung seems to notice this as well. “Umm - I’m gonna come in, okay?”
And of course Jeongguk forgot to lock the door in his spiral of emotion, so a second later it swings open, and then he feels the bed dip as Taehyung sits down next to him.
“Jeonggukkie?” Taehyung asks, placing a tentative hand on his back. Jeongguk hates that the sound of his voice is so comforting to him, the kind of voice he’d want to wake up to every morning and come home to every night. “Did something happen?”
Jeongguk debates trying to come up with a lie, but he’s never been a very good liar and he’s sure Taehyung wouldn’t believe him anyway. He concludes that he can still tell Taehyung what triggered his outburst without getting into the whole messy confession of his years-long crush. If Taehyung’s found his soulmate, they’re going to have to talk about it sooner or later anyway.
“I saw your wrist,” Jeongguk mumbles into his pillow.
There’s a pause, and Jeongguk wishes he had the ability to melt directly into his mattress.
“My wrist?” Taehyung says cautiously.
“Yeah.” It’s getting a little hard to breathe with his nose buried in the pillow, so he turns his face just slightly to the side. “There’s a name on it.”
Another pause. Then: “Umm. No there’s not.”
This pisses Jeongguk off enough to fully emerge from the pillow. Because seriously, is Taehyung really going to lie to his face about this? It’s not like he can hide the evidence.
“I literally just saw it - ”
Taehyung extends his wrist, showing Jeongguk the characters on it. Upon closer inspection, it reads Bangtan.
Jeongguk frowns. That’s not a given name he’s heard before.
“It’s a bar entry stamp, Jeonggukkie,” Taehyung says gently. He lifts his thumb, rubbing it over the characters, and sure enough, one of them smudges. “As in Bar Bangtan? I was there last night.”
Jeongguk blinks, still staring at Taehyung’s wrist. He suddenly feels very relieved and very foolish. Also mortified.
“Oh.”
“Yeah.”
Jeongguk clears his throat, slowly lifting his eyes to meet Taehyung’s. He doesn’t look mad, at least, just faintly amused and maybe a bit fond.
“Sorry.”
“It’s okay,” Taehyung says, tugging his sleeve back over his wrist. There’s a pause, and then he adds: “I would tell you, you know. If I found out who my soulmate was.”
“Yeah,” Jeongguk nods. He rubs a hand over his face, shifting to sit upright. “Sorry, it’s just - ” he sighs. “You’ve seemed a little distant, lately.”
Another pause, longer this time. The fact that Taehyung’s not denying it outright makes Jeongguk feel like he’s not just making the whole thing up. But if it’s not because Taehyung’s found his soulmate, he’s not sure what the reason is.
“Yeah,” Taehyung says eventually. He licks his lips, looking sheepish. “I - I’m sorry. I guess - ” He picks at a fold in his pant leg and lets out a rueful laugh. “I guess I haven’t been dealing with your 19th birthday very well.”
It takes a moment for the words to settle in, and even then, Jeongguk’s not sure what to make of them. The most obvious answer seems to be something related to his soulmate, but is that really what Taehyung is saying? That he’s been struggling with the thought of Jeongguk finding his soulmate as much as Jeongguk himself has? His heartbeat quickens at the thought.
“What do you mean?”
“I guess, umm - ” Taehyung’s gaze darts up to Jeongguk’s, then back down to his pant leg. He smiles faintly. “I guess a part of me sort of always thought - I’d be your soulmate.”
It’s 11:47pm. Jeongguk can’t believe they’re having this conversation 13 minutes before he finds out for sure, one way or the other. He also can’t believe that those words just left Taehyung’s mouth.
“Sorry if that’s weird,” Taehyung adds, probably reading Jeongguk’s silence as a bad thing.
“It’s not,” Jeongguk blurts out. Taehyung glances up, his expression cautiously hopeful. “It’s - I mean.” He clears his throat. “You’re not the only one who thought that.”
Taehyung’s eyes widen. “Yeah?”
Jeongguk wonders what the likelihood is that he’s dreaming. This entire conversation feels a little surreal.
“Yeah.”
“I know it’s sort of like, what are the chances, right?” Taehyung says. “But also - ” he bites his lip, shy. “I kind of can’t imagine it being anyone else.”
It’s exactly how Jeongguk has always felt, too. How could there be someone out there better suited for him than Taehyung? And then, at the same time, how naive is he for thinking that?
“Me too,” he whispers.
“I guess we’re about to find out,” Taehyung says.
Jeongguk glances over at the clock on his night stand. 11:53.
“I can’t believe you decided to tell me this seven minutes before I turn 19.”
Taehyung makes an indignant noise. “You’re the one who had a meltdown about my bar stamp!”
Jeongguk huffs, folding his arms over his chest. “Whatever.”
11:54.
“Can I kiss you?”
Jeongguk’s mouth actually falls open, heart shooting into his throat. “What?”
Across from him on the bed, Taehyung fidgets a little, fingers twisting into the sleeves of his sweatshirt.
“I just - want to know what it’s like,” he admits. “At least one time.”
Ridiculously, Jeongguk’s first thought is that his breath probably tastes like those fake onion ring things Taehyung brought over. His second thought is that Taehyung probably tastes like those too, and either way it doesn’t fucking matter because this might be his only chance to kiss Taehyung. Ever.
“Okay,” he says breathily.
Taehyung’s face brightens. He places a hand on the comforter between them, leaning forward slightly. Then he hesitates, probably because Jeongguk is just sitting there frozen, ass rooted to the spot.
“You sure?” Taehyung asks.
And apparently Jeongguk can’t speak, either, so he just nods fervently until Taehyung grins and starts shifting forward again. He lets his eyes fall shut, and one second later, Taehyung’s mouth is on his, soft and warm and generally lovely. He parts his lips slightly, slotting them against Taehyung’s, and it’s all he can do not to sigh dreamily into Taehyung’s mouth. (He doesn’t, because onion ring breath, but the sentiment is there.)
It feels like it lasts forever, but it’s also over too quickly. When Taehyung pulls back, Jeongguk realizes there’s a million more things he wanted to do, like touch his hair and trace the line of his jaw.
“Hmm,” Taehyung hums, licking his lips. It’s immensely distracting given where those lips just were, where Jeongguk wants them to be again. Taehyung smiles sadly. “Your soulmate is lucky.”
I want it to be you, Jeongguk thinks a little desperately.
There’s a faint tingling sensation on his wrist, and Jeongguk swears his heart stops in his chest. His eyes dart over to the clock.
It’s midnight.
“Tae - ” he starts, too scared to look.
But Taehyung’s not looking at him. He’s looking down at his own wrist, the non-stamped one, where a name has just appeared. And when he lifts his gaze back to Jeongguk’s, eyes shining with unshed tears, Jeongguk knows.
“It’s you,” he breathes.
Taehyung nods.
Jeongguk sucks in a strangled breath, finally looking down at the name freshly scrawled on his own wrist.
Taehyung.
“It’s me,” Taehyung murmurs. His voice is small, wondrous. “I’m your soulmate.”
“You’re my soulmate,” Jeongguk echoes.
Taehyung lets out a disbelieving laugh, claps his hand over his mouth, then drops it. “Jeonggukkie.”
“You’re my freaking soulmate,” Jeongguk croaks out. His chest feels so full he worries it might burst.
Taehyung laughs again, the sound joyous, and then hug-tackles Jeongguk into the bed. Jeongguk’s arms come up to wrap around his back, and it’s so much - the smell of him, the weight of his body, the fact that this is it, now. They’re it.
Somehow, they end up kissing again, and it’s kind of a mess since they’re both still crying and laughing at the same time, but it’s also pretty much the greatest thing ever. Taehyung’s hand settles on his hip, stroking his side lightly through the material of his shirt, and his tongue prods lightly at Jeongguk’s lips to kiss him deeper. It’s all very PG, honestly, but Jeongguk is still kind of going out of his skin from it.
Eventually, the kissing subsides, mostly because Taehyung decides to press his face into Jeongguk’s neck and leave it there. He squeezes Jeongguk tightly, and Jeongguk squeezes back, and they just lie there holding each other for even longer than they had been lying there making out.
“What are you even supposed to do when you meet your soulmate?” Taehyung asks a little while later. They’ve migrated to lying side by side on Jeongguk’s bed, playing absentmindedly with each other’s fingers while they talk.
“Umm,” Jeongguk muses. “Get to know them, I guess?”
“Boring, I already know everything about you.”
Jeongguk snorts. “Didn’t know I had a crush on you.”
“True,” Taehyung hums. “How long?”
Jeongguk hesitates. Even though they’re literally soulmates, and he knows his feelings are reciprocated, he feels a little embarrassed about just how long he’s had those feelings.
“C’monnn,” Taehyung implores. “Trade you for a kiss?”
“Six years,” Jeongguk says immediately, making Taehyung giggle. “Or, I dunno. Since puberty, basically.”
Taehyung makes good on his end of the deal, leaning in and kissing Jeongguk soundly. It’s going to take him a little while to get used to this, he thinks dazedly.
“That’s really freaking adorable,” Taehyung murmurs.
“What about you?” Jeongguk asks, a little afraid to know the answer.
Taehyung appears to consider this. “I’m not sure, honestly,” he says, tone thoughtful. “I guess leading up to my 19th birthday, I kind of realized it was weird that I was dreading it so much. And then I realized that really I was just dreading the idea of someone else’s name showing up on my wrist.” He grins, and his eyes go impossibly soft. “But at the same time, it’s like, I’ve always loved you, you know? In different ways, maybe, but I always have.”
Jeongguk feels like he might dissolve right into the mattress, but in a good way this time. He just feels gooey, warm, so happy that he has absolutely no shot at keeping the smile off of his face.
“What?” Taehyung asks, probably because Jeongguk is just lying there silently, smiling goofily at him.
“I’m just really happy,” Jeongguk admits, feet rubbing against the duvet. “I can’t believe I’m your soulmate.”
“Actually, Bangtan is my soulmate?” Taehyung says, his face serious. “Not sure if you’ve met h-”
He’s cut off by Jeongguk lunging for him, tickling his sides and making him shriek and squirm. “Shut up,” Jeongguk grumbles, quickly ceasing his attack in favor of kissing Taehyung again. It feels so nice that Jeongguk’s a little concerned about whether he’ll ever be interested in doing anything else ever again.
“You really didn’t have any idea that I liked you?” Taehyung asks, stroking a hand through Jeongguk’s hair.
“Not really,” Jeongguk says, shaking his head. “I mean, there was that one night when you were drunk and I got you from the bar - you made a few comments about wanting to be my soulmate then.”
“I knew it!” Taehyung cries, smacking his arm lightly. “I knew I said something weird, but you told me I didn’t!”
Jeongguk shrugs. “Sorry. I guess I just… wasn’t sure if you actually meant it.” He bites his lip. “It seemed too good to be true.”
“Jeonggukkie,” Taehyung says softly. He lifts a hand and places it on Jeongguk’s cheek, swiping his thumb back and forth gently. “Even if we weren’t actually soulmates, I would want to be your soulmate.”
“Pretty lucky that we are actually soulmates, then.”
Taehyung grins. “Hella lucky.”
Taking Taehyung’s hand from his cheek, Jeongguk shifts it so that he can kiss the inside of his wrist, right over the spot where his own name now resides. It makes Taehyung’s breath hitch, and Jeongguk feels this strange mix of utter euphoria and sweet, simple tenderness. It occurs to him that after years spent living with an undercurrent of anxiety and dread, he’s now staring down the road of a very bright, hopeful future. All with his best friend and soulmate at his side.
***
Neither of them feel much like sleeping, and eventually they get hungry again, so they decide to get out of bed and return to their abandoned snack-and-game setup.
“Guess we should see if I can kick your ass as your soulmate as well as I could as your best friend,” Jeongguk says slyly.
Taehyung makes an incredulous noise, leaning over to pinch the inside of Jeongguk’s thigh. “You’re on, Jeon.”