Chapter Text
It’s been a week since the memories have resurfaced. I can see them every time I catch sight of my reflection in the mirror. I’ve been trying to avoid looking at it; it brings back too much pain and I have no time to think about it... But they crawl in the dark, in my sleep, when I am alone. It’s hard to ignore but I need to keep going. I can’t let the members know about this, they can’t think of me like that. In their eyes, I’m always the hyung who is there to support them, to lend a shoulder to them but never vice versa. I am their pillar to lean on. I can’t allow myself to crumble.
We’ve been practicing for the concert. I’m thankful at least that the busy routine has kept me from thinking, but not from noticing the worried looks I keep getting from the members. I can tell they’re keeping their distance from me but I’m thankful for it. Just let 2 weeks pass and I’ll be the same as ever. It’s just two weeks.
Eunhyuk and Shindong have been monitoring our dance and our movement. It’s always been tough having to adjust to the lineup changes but now since everyone’s back from military services, were finally having a full comeback with all the members… well not exactly full.he members who left such a long time ago each left spaces behind which can still be felt here and there. Heechul hyung also can’t participate with us in comebacks and concerts but he’s always there promoting us and we’ve all definitely appreciated his support. He’s still Super Junior after all.
Back in the practice room we were all taking a short break and taking a look at the steps so we could figure out where each member could improve. I could see I made the most mistakes in each and every part. I felt so sorry for holding the rest of the group back. Even after all these years my dancing has never improved.
All of a sudden someone grabs my hands and I flinch, trying my best to hide my surprise but I can see I failed miserably.
Kyuhyun: “Yesung Hyung, I thought you got rid of your nail biting habit.”
Yesung: “what?”
Kyuhyun: “You were biting your nails. That’s why I grabbed your hands.”
I was biting my nails? I didn’t even notice.
Kyuhyun: “you didn’t realize, did you?”
Yesung: “...no I guess not..., it’s become a habit.”
Ryeowook: “I wish you could get rid of that habit.” *pouts*
Yesung: “Yes Wookie I will. Were you both concentrating on the video or me?”
With this everyone except the maknaes started laughing
Ryeowook and Kyuhyun both shouted “Yah!!!!!!!!!!!!! HYUNGGGGGGGGG”
The members again started laughing out loud.
Eunhyuk: “Who told you to stare at Yesung hyung like that? Ah our maknaes must really love their Yesung hyung.”
Maknaes: “YAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! We do not! We were just sitting next to him so we saw him!”
Siwon: “You should really make a better excuse than that.”
Leeteuk: “Okay guys that’s enough, before the maknaes get revenge on you both. hen you’ll be the ones pouting and yelling.”
Eunhyuk: “Hyung! That’s favoritism, who’s side are you even on !?”
Leetuek: Obviously I’m on the maknaes’ side.
He motioned his finger towards the smirking maknaes .
Siwon: “hyung that’s unfair.”
Leeteuk: “Sorry guys, I don’t wanna get on their bad sides ever. They are too much for me to deal with anymore, you guys can deal with the mess you made yourselves.”
At this comment Siwon and Eunhyuk ran to me and hid behind my back.
Eunhyuk: “Save us Yesung hyung! they can’t do anything to us if you’re here!”
Yesung: “Eunhyuk ah, they are going to leave me out and mess with me at the end. There’s no one who can save us from the wrath of those two. Besides are you planning to stick by my side 24/7?
Before Eunhyuk could answer my manager came in to tell me that I had to leave for another schedule. I nodded and went to grab my stuff, calling out to Shindong to send me the video before leaving the room.
Eunhyuk: don’t u dare leave us alone with these two.
Yesung: then u can follow me *wink*.
Eunhyuk: but I have somewhere else to go after this. (Sad tone)
I sighed and turned to Kyu and Wookie, warning them to leave Hyukjae and Siwon alone and not mess with the two.
When I didn’t get an answer, I gave the two maknaes a more stern look urging them to speak.
They both nodded sheepishly and I smiled and closed the door behind me.
_______________________________ END TO YESUNG POV____________________________________
[MEMBERS POV]
The other members had arrived earlier than Yesung worry written on their faces.
Something had been going on with him but no one dared can’t say anything or ask him. They knew he would only deny it anyway.
[Flashback]
During the filming of sj returns, Yesung arrived late. We had a fixed time at which all the members had to arrive.
Leetuek: Ryeowook ah, don’t you two usually come together?
Ryeowook: we do hyung but I when I sent him a message last night asking to go together he said he wouldo come alone. I called him again this morning before I left to see if he changed his mind but he didn’t reply.
Leetuek: I see...
We waited for Yesung, but once 20 minutes had passed and there was still no sign of him we agreed that we would have to start the meeting without him. 10 minutes in however, Heechul suddenly stood up and walked out.
[Heechul POV]
When Ryeowook told me about Yesung’s behavior I was confused but decided to wait for a while. There could be a normal explanation for him being late; he may have overslept, or got stuck in traffic, but I wasn’t convinced. Afterall:
1. Yesung doesn’t sleep, so he can’t have overslept.
2. Even if he had by chance been stuck at traffic he would have answered our calls or at least sent a message saying he would be late.
I rang his number and heard a ringing soundcoming closer to me and when I looked up, it was Yesung. Without saying anything in return I just went back inside the meeting room.
Yesung: Hyung I am sorry I saw the call but I was already coming up so I didn’t pic……….
Yesung stopped in his tracks when he saw the members staring at him in the room Butbefore he could say anything to them, a member of staff came in to tell him that they needed to put on his mic, so he went with the staff without saying another word.
There was a weird silence hanging in the air of the meeting room and Yesung was fidgeting but in the end he said he was not going to give an excuse as to why he was late. I was going to question him but I was cut off by Leeteuk quietly telling him not to do this next time. He simply nodded and sat down in the remaining seat next to Ryeowook.
After that the meeting had begun again from the start (we didn’t really start the meeting in the first place anyway). From time to time I glanced up to look at Yesung and he was so mesmerized with his cup of icedcoffee that I knew he wasn’t listening at all.
I noticed Kyuhyun whispering something to Ryeowook which he then repeated to Yesung. His face changed for a second but then he just nodded and went back to his cup of ice cubes which by this point had mostly melted.
In the end I didn’t really catch much of what the pd or the director were saying either but the meeting was over for today. We all just got up from our seats and made our way to our cars with our managers to get to our own individual schedules. I wanted to speak with Yesung but just as I was about to approach him Leeteuk caught my eye.
Leeteuk: Heechul ah,
I looked over him beckoning me to come over.
Heechul: teukie why did you call me over? I was about to–
Leeteuk: speak with Yesung?
I nodded. Leeteuk sighed and told me to wait for him to say something himself or at least come to us. I was about to protest but Leeteuk said that it was for the best and told me to go forward to my next schedule.
_______________________________ END TO HEECHUL POV___________________________________
[YESUNG POV]
I realised I had left my cap behind in the meeting room so I hurried back to get it when I overheard Leeteuk hyung and Heechul hyung talking.
I decided not to interrupt and just leaned against the wall to hear them.
I shouldn’t worry them, they already have a lot on their plate. I can’t just dump my problems on them. This phase will pass soon, until then I’ll just have to act as normally as possible around them like I used to.
I mustn't allow myself to appear weak in front of them.
In the end I walked away without going inside to retrieve my hat.