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This time, Neil doesn’t think he can forgive Andrew.
Andrew who always scowls when Neil smiles, who tells him he hates him. Who touches Neil, running his hands over his body, but walks away the second Neil even thinks about wanting to return the favor.
And Neil isn’t stupid, okay? He knew what he was getting into. He knew from the beginning that Andrew wanted nothing from him. That all the foxes knew Andrew only wanted him because he wasn't too bad looking and he was closer than Roland.
Dan was always giving him sad little smiles to accompany Matt’s comforting pats in the back. It made him uncomfortable. So uncomfortable that even Allison, the paragon for casual sex, told him he should stop seeing Andrew.
“I think we can all tell you’re getting a little too close to the monster, Neil.” She tries for a nonchalant joking tone to offset her own uncomfortableness, but Neil wants to bite at her to stop calling him that.
He wonders what that says about him.
He feels betrayed. It's an emotion he’s felt a lot in his life, the first time his dad hit him he was too young to remember so he doesn’t know if he was surprised, or if he cried out. He does remember the first time he really felt it, when he asked his mom where they were going the night they ran away. He thinks he might have been too loud, or too slow to pack, because his mom backhands him so hard he falls to the floor.
He remembers the surprise -he thought his dad had been the violent one- and the… anger? The way she hauled him back up without acknowledgement. That was the first time she betrayed him, but not the last.
But that is nothing now.
Because Andrew cheated on him.
Was that the term? If they were nothing?
The point was- Andrew had disappeared into the backroom with Roland. And he didn’t come back until half an hour later.
He hadn’t been there, only having heard it from Nicky when they got back from Colombia, Neil had opted to stay behind with Dan and Matt for what they insisted to be an emergency viewing of SpongeBob. They had been so distraught when they found out he’d never seen an episode, and he hadn’t had the heart to turn them down.
Nicky had been quiet and shameful, like he was to blame. Had pulled him aside Sunday night, not letting him go into Andrew’s room insisting they had to talk. Kevin had looked sorry enough, if awkward and still hungover.
Aaron hadn’t even sneered at him, which was probably the worse thing.
They left him in the hall, and he stood there for a good five minutes before making his way to the roof.
“Is it true?”
“A lot of things are true, Abram. Life, death-”
“Cut the bullshit, you know what I’m talking about.”
Andrew doesn’t look at him at first, and Neil hopes he’ll say no, ask what the hell he’s talking about.
“I told you there was no this.”
Neil doesn’t dignify that with a response, instead turning on his heel and racing to the room he shared with Andrew and Kevin. He doesn't pay attention to the voices that try to talk to him, putting everything he can fit into his duffle, cursing the fact that now he has stuff he will have to come back and get.
He goes to Wymack’s, who thankfully already seems to have been warned and doesn’t say anything aside from a half hearted threat to keep personal stuff off the court and leaves him to the couch. He stays there for two days before he gets tired of the distance he has to travel to go to the classes and stays on Matt’s couch instead.
It is surprisingly easy to avoid Andrew. Until he remembers his math textbook is under his bed.
“Josten.” Aaron’s voice breaks him out of his debate to fail his math assignment or bite the bullet and risk running into Andrew. Aaron looks annoyed, and uncomfortable as he leans against the door. “You can have your room back.”
Neil blinks at him in surprise and finally notices that Nicky has been going in and out transporting Aaron’s stuff back into his old room. He gapes and Aaron turns red.
“Shut up.” Aaron bites out, and walks away, slamming the door behind him.
Hey, Neil texts Nicky, i think i left my math book in your dorm, can i go in and get it?
Nicky responds with an abundance of emojis.
Sure thing, Nicky writes, it should be empty so go ahead.
I know, Neil doesn’t write back. He knows everyone should be in class, so he feels safe when he unlocks the door. He takes it out of his keychain with a pang in his chest, and decides to just leave it on the counter on his way out. That way he can lock the door behind him.
He steps into the room and freezes, key biting into the skin of his palm. Andrew looks back at him with a bored look on his face, but he has dark shadows under his eyes and his hair is ruffled. He’s in his pajamas and there’s too many cigarette buds in the ashtray.
Neil gulps before deciding on ignoring his problem. He drops to his knees next to the bottom bunk and his heart drops when he doesn't see his book. He groans before looking around the room and still doesn’t see it.
He can feel Andrew’s gaze burning into him, and he does his best to ignore it. He gives up eventually and gets up, dusting imaginary dust off his knees. He meets Andrew’s gaze by accident and turns red with embarrassment before turning on his heel and walking away.
“What are you looking for?” Andrew’s voice sounds rough. Neil debates on not answering, but he is not a child and Andrew might know where his book is.
“My math textbook.” and my dignity.
Andrew doesn't answer, but he gets up and stands so close Neil has to lean back against the wall. They’re not together anymore -they never were- and Neil doesn’t want…
He doesn’t think he can handle Andrew’s hands on him.
“Nicky took all your things back to Matt’s dorm.” Andrew says. He sounds almost drunk and Neil thinks he can smell alcohol standing this close. But Andrew isn’t drunk. Is he?
“I couldn’t find it. Besides it’s my dorm now too.” Andrew’s gaze darkens, and Neil can feel the hair on the back of his neck stand.
“I’m leaving.” He says and goes for the door, but gets pulled back roughly by the wrist and is pushed against the door. His eyes widen in surprise when he sees the anger in Andrew’s eyes. The blonde sneers at him as his grip tightens painfully.
“Are you, now?” Andrew grits out, and Neil thinks he can feel the bruises forming. “I always knew you were a rabbit.”
“What the hell are you talking about?”
Andrew doesn’t answer. Neil feels scared, because Andrew's eyes are too empty. Too void of anything but anger. He tries to get out of the grip, maybe call Bee, but it only tightens. Pain shoots through his arm.
“You’re h-hurting me!” Neil finally bites out angrily and yeah a little terrified, giving up, and Andrew’s face falls in surprise. His eyes are wide and surprised, fear in there as well. He looks down and it’s like it's his first time seeing the iron grip he has on Neil. He lets go like he’s been burned and Neil falls back against the door.
Andrew is back across the room in the blink on an eye, and his gaze hardens again.
“Get out.”
Neil cradles his wrist to his chest despite himself, but he knows it’s only a bruise, painful as it may be. He spares one last look at Andrew, who looks a different type of angry this time, and leaves. He bumps into Kevin on his way out.
“Call Bee, don’t go in there.”
Kevin stares down at his wrist and looks like he wants to ask but Neil glares at him until he nods.
“You better still be able to play.” Kevin doesn't say it with his usual disdain, he says it nervously like he's trying to go for normal. Neil appreciates the gesture, as odd as it is.
“Fuck you, Kevin.” Neil rolls his eyes. He leaves when Bee answers the call.