Chapter Text
Big Red stared at the texts, nerves coursing through his body. This was a stupid idea, right?
For the past three weeks, Big Red had been manifesting (well maybe not manifesting , but he definitely had been thinking about him a hell of a lot) his former best friend (and former crush? Things are complicated) Ricky Bowen. He’d been appearing in his dreams, randomly popping into his brain while doing totally unrelated things, and pretty much plaguing his mind for too long.
They hadn’t spoken in almost two years. Not since their weird huge falling out that Big Red couldn’t properly explain. It was about a lot of things, and it happened more than once, probably. It was just a lot.
Ricky was nice. He was very much a golden boy, who you could tell was destined for something important like getting into some big college like someone out of a movie or just being the guy that everyone liked. He was great.
Red saw him like a brother, at first. Coincidentally, they had every class together one year and were always seated near each other. He doesn’t remember how they became friends—he probably just asked for the math homework or something—but after that, they were almost attached at the hip. Of course, sometimes Ricky would be too busy with his skater friends to look at him, but that’s just what boys do. Or, at least that’s what deplorable boys do. Looking back on it, Ricky kind of sucked. But not enough for Red to forget about him.
Ricky was kind, too. He was helpful, and was always there for you when you needed it, even if you didn’t know you needed it. Once when waiting for the door to open before history, someone from who knows where came up to him and started talking to him. Red’s not big on new people, especially loud and kind of aggressively ‘friendly’ people pushing him into a corner at nine in the morning. He thought he’d have to suffer through the discomfort, but Ricky glided into place in between them with a sense of casualty he’d never seen before. It was almost like he was meant to be Red’s shield from the rest of the world.
That’s where it gets complicated. Feelings get involved, and nothing good ever happens when feelings get involved. Big Red learned that the hard way.
Ricky started first, sending him Instagram direct messages that started with I need to tell you something that resulted in Red jumping to conclusions that weren’t real. Once Red had given up hope and let go of what he thought he felt, Ricky dropped the bomb— I like you. I never really knew how to tell you because you always seemed to look at me like just a friend, but I do. I’ve liked you for months. What he forgot to do was tell Big Red was that he still had some loose ends to tie up with someone else—a girl. The topic of Ricky’s bisexuality never came up, nor did his current fling . She just appeared one day, and sooner than later he chose her instead of him (last day of school, he waited for him by the bleachers so he could walk next to him on the way to the buses where he’d ‘accidentally’ brush his hand against Ricky’s and they’d look at each other and blush and smile, only for that dream to be crushed as he watched him walk right past him with his fling . Ouch.)
They never talked about it after. He invited Red over to his house a few times, all on short notice. He’d thought that he wanted to—no, needed to see him so much that he had to invite him over or else he’d die. Yeah, that wasn’t it at all. Every time he went over there, like clockwork, his jock buddy E.J. would be sprawled out on Ricky’s couch, and Ricky would forget Red even came. There was only one instance when he was there alone, but Ricky got so restless that the two of them walked to his friend Kaden’s house.
It was so different from what Big Red was used to. Before, Ricky was bubbly, fun, and he always had a smile on his face. It was never awkward with them. But now that they’re an unspoken something, all he seems to want to do is get away. He’s not the same person who would wedge himself between Red and the world, now he brings someone to put up a wall between them. He learned a lot about the new Ricky, a lot of things he didn’t like. The new Ricky had a temper. When Ricky got defensive, he fought hard to make a deep wound to take the hurt out of him.
Ricky did that. On the way home from Kaden’s house, he practically blew up at him in the cul-de-sac close to his house. Red doesn’t really remember what it was about, but he texted his mom and made her come get him after. He sat on Ricky’s kitchen floor in silence, wrapped up in his raincoat, fighting back tears the whole time. After that, there were a few futile attempts at reconnection, but Red just brushed them off. Even E.J., who he’d always thought hated him, tried to reach out on Ricky’s behalf, but he didn’t want any of it. Sure, he still tried to look cool while he walked past his lunch table (he never noticed), but he was totally over it. Kinda. Pretty much.
Backstory aside, he knew this was risky. He shouldn’t have done it, because he knew it’d probably open up an unhealable wound, and he’d come out of it with no good feelings at all, but he did it anyway. Ricky showing up literally everywhere around him at almost any time seemed less and less like a coincidence every time it happened. Ashlyn agreed—of course he consulted with her, who else is supposed to keep him on his path to spiritual righteousness?—so he ran with it. He’d stayed up until almost two in the morning trying to craft the perfect set of memes to send to him, ones that would look natural and like a friend wanting to reconnect and not an ex-lover looking for a fight.
At 10:13 the next morning, he rapid-fired them.
redyellowbleu: hey
redyellowbleu sent a post
redyellowbleu sent a post
redyellowbleu sent a post