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Fredag, 27. juli, Jotunheimen
Only you know
what dwells in your heart
when you are alone;
but nothing is worse
for a wise person
than to have nothing to love.
Hávamál, stanza 95, translation of Jackson Crawford
The ascent from Gjende Lake was more demanding than Isak expected, and
the fact that he didn't know if a suitable camp is at the finish made him quite nervous. Even looked weary and vainly tried to keep up with his pace. He should do something with his
physical condition, thought Isak, but he wasn't fair to him. For Isak was trivial to make a schedule for everything, for studying, for exercising, for working, for eating, even for fun with friends. Even, however, wasn't a man of plans – he was easy to distract, it was hard for him to focus, and his schedules tended to be ruined by...they just tended by ruined. Just as Isak thought about it they appeared at a small spring:
“We can rest for a while.”
“Are you sure? You seem to be in hurry.” wondered Even, yet he took it off his backpack and sat down.
“There is no reason to reach the place exhausted to death, said Isak, sat down by Even and laid head on his shoulder. “You were driving all the way from Oslo...”
“It was just four hours. I can handle that, don't worry. I'm already looking forward to the cozy campsite with a splendid view.”
“Yeah.¨ Isak smiled hesitantly
After a while, they continued ascending and Isak's nervosity was growing. He will kill me if we had to go back to Memuburu. No. He would be completely chill, as always when I fuck up something. He is never angry with me and I hate it because it makes me hate myself. Then Isak turned back and saw Even balancing on an edge of a rock, so reach him fast and took his hand.
“Evy, you don't have to kill yourself. It's certainly not far off.”
Even smiled, but didn't say anything. When he caught his breath they continued climbing and after a while reached the campsite. A weight was lifted from Isak's heart – the place was perfect - ‘Maybe I'm not so incompetent in the end’ he thought. Finally, guys were standing over Gjende Lake, black and vast Surtningssue towered before their eyes.
“It's unbelievably impressive Isak,” said Even, with his eyes staring at the peak. “But I've one question.”
“Yes?”
“Would you be offended, if I said that I didn't see any similarity with Toubkal?” asked warily.
“Would I?” Isak burst out laughing. “No, not in a million years. You're right. I'd like to leave it at that both of those mountains are beautiful.”
“What an extraordinary event...someone is admitting he might have been wrong.” said Even and started kissing him before he could get an answer.
“On the other side: I kissed most gorgeous kjæreste under both mountains.“ said Isak after that long kiss “Coincidence? I don't think so.”
“You've got a point.” smirked Even “So what now?”
“It's time to set up the tent. I want to manage it before sunset,” said Isak and started to unpack the baggage.
“Practical as always...”
“Can you help me with that?” responded Isak impatiently.
Most of the setting up of the tent remained on Isak in the end, but it didn't last long and their shelter for the incoming night was standing. Even still seemed to be a little uncomfortable with the whole camping thing, he had no idea what to do next.
“I am feeling a little useless.”
“No worries, I have a task for you. Do you remember the spring which we saw along the way?”
“Yes, before climbing on this height.”
“Exactly! We didn't have enough space in our baggage for more water. So can you go for it?”
“Whoa...it will be a nice walk.” Even sounded quite cranky.
“Please.” said Isak with a desperate expression “Of course, if you can cook on a camping stove, I can go for the water.”
“It's okay Isak.”
“Thank you,” said Isak to Even who was collecting pet bottles into the empty bag a then watched him leave. “Even?”
“Yes?”
“Be careful.”
“For sure.”
The day was coming to the end, and Isak was waiting for Even, keeping the dinner warm a feeling worried. As always. But, as almost always, in vain. Before the sun went down Even was there, with water and completely fit. He put aside his bag and sat down by Isak's side.
“What is that? It smells so good.” asked
“Just a dinner, bulgur, dried meat, dried tomatoes, some spices and so...”
“Really kjær? You couldn't make a tea without an electric kettle year ago and now you serving me real dinner even without a kitchen?” laughed Even.
“I don't think it can be called a real dinner, but if you think” shrugged Isak and made a smile. “And when you are speaking about tea, we have it too.” he served him the cup.
“You are a man of many surprises herr Valtersen.”
“I hope you'll say that even in the future” smiled Isak.
“You bet, good thing that I love surprises.”
When the guys were finishing the meal the night fell and the full moon was slowly rising above the horizon. Even was laying in Isak's arms and they felt that all world is just the two of them and the sky.
“The heart be still as loving,
and the moon be still as bright.“ said Even silently, just to himself
“Eh...so we'll go no more a roving?” laughed Isak “Is this your to say that you aren't satisfied with our trip?”
“Holy fuck Isak.” Even giggled “Do you want to waste all the surprises tonight? Nothing for other days, months, years? So you know Byron?”
“I know the poem, from The Martian Chronicle. Great book...”
“Yes, it's nice to hear about your tender side as well.”
“Tender? Maybe. I was so sad when I read it. But, then I was angry. Is it the destiny of man to destroy everything that is beautiful and lofty? Every planet, every person, every moment of awesomeness...”
“Are you sure it's like that, Isy? I have read that book too and there are many amazing humans in it. Humans who aren't afraid of strangeness, uniqueness, and greatness. In the real world, it's the same. You ca...”
Then Even was interrupted by a freaky scream, which ruined the sublime atmosphere of the moment and Isak snorted contemptuously:
“That's exactly what I'm talking about! A fucking idiot, camping by Memurubu, is thinking this is a place for his party.”
“It wasn't from Memuburu. It was from another side, from those high mountains behind our backs.” said Even turned to his beloved and made a grinning face.
“It´s bullshit.”
“Trust me...maybe it wasn't a human at all. Don't you remember we're in the Jotunheim?”
“Really Even? Do you think there is time for spøkelsefortelling now?”
“Why not? This was the home of bergrisar, of mountain trolls, dreadful enemies of gods. Maybe a troll is standing on the heights behind our back, holding his face in hands, and his skrik is full of anger a frustration. Anger and frustration because we have stolen their land, just like in your book.”
Isak hugged Even tightly and kissed his hair.
“Oh snuppa, it's funny how much you see the world as enchanted.”
“Don't you see the world as enchanted?”
“I do, but just thanks to you,” said Isak, playing with Even's hair
“That's nice, and a little sad too. So let me talk about gods, heroes, trolls, and witches. This night with you is so koselig...but, I want to make it genuinely magical.”
“Okay, let's try. I will listen.”
Guys lay down on the grass and watched blazing stars, holding hands and rubbed their noses at times. Even talked about Ymir, the first rime-giant, about how Odin killed him and created the world, about Thor's adventures in Utgard and hopeless fight with the invincible Old Age and the all-consuming Fire. Isak was listening silently and thanked him for every story with a kiss, without the desire to interfere in the telling. Then Even began to tell about Baldr, about his nightmares, and about the vain effort of his mother to save him.
“He was killed by the gods, wasn't he?” asked Isak and sat.
“By the hand of Hod, blind god. But it was all result of Loki's malice.”
“I was thinking...isn't it all just propaganda? You told me he was the fairest, finest, and wisest of all gods, right? Maybe other gods killed him just because he was the best, because of petty envy.”
“Very interesting interpretation, why do you think that?”
“Isn't Norway the setting of all these stories in the end? The country where is better be good than best. Maybe it wasn't different when the people created these myths.”
“Oh kjær, are you really feeling like Baldr?” laughed Even
“Nai” replied Isak, but his voice was filled with something...with regret? With frustration?“
“No? Are you still angry about that canceled biology contest? I know how quelled you sometimes feel. Too much competitive, smart, and...hot-headed for this cold country.”
“W
hy do you always know what I feel and what I think?
I'm not complaining – it's nice of you.
I feel guilty that I can't give you the same.”
“Isy, like your job, is taking care of me when I am low or...to high, it 's my job to listen to you. Comfort you and help you understand yourself. Because of this, I know that your insecurities are fighting with your self-confidence . Silly fight, if you ask.“
“Are you sure? Sometimes I feel so useless and foolish. Am I truly the best or am I a conceited jerk who is thinking that people are envious of me?” Isak cast his eyes down.
“You know my answer: you are my Baldr from the very first moment I saw you.” said Even and touched Isak's face and kissed him “With eyes in which all Asgard is placed, with mind sparkling like Brísingamen and first of all with heart where undying flames of Múspell are dwelling. So you can't be surprised by envy, even I envy you sometimes.“
“Kjær...“ Isak tried to say something, but he began to cry and hid his face in Even's arms “I envy you too. Because you can get me into ecstasy with mere words because you know me more than I know myself because you know how to comfort me. And I hate myself because I'm so often so hard on you...”
“It 's okay Isy. I chose you for who you are – spirited, demanding, and fiery. Don't be scared about that. Only I have to be scared. I'd like to say I'll be the one who never stops you, but sometimes I think I'll be the one who destroys you because I'm blind – like Hod who killed his beloved brother.”
Isak wiped tears from his face and looked into Even's eyes “But you aren't right, you'll not destroy me.” Isak pulled him close firmly and kissed him “And even if - doesn't the story end with Baldr and Hod being reborn together?”
”Yes Isy. Isn't interesting how much hope you have? E ven if you pretend how much you hate everything? So let it go...and be my god for this evening.” said Even and began kissing Isak's neck, undressing his hoodie and the t-shirt. Isak didn't defend himself, just got up from the cold rock after a while and said to him:
“It seems that your hands aren't just for killing and destroying. Let's go to the tent. I don't want to be surprised by one of your mountain trolls.”