Work Text:
I am the evening in autumn
You are the new morning
Yoongi meets Jungkook in a late autumn evening when the summer has bid adieu and gradually taken away all of its warmth along with the last goodbye. When the cold of winter is little by little seeping through the pores, Yoongi meets the boy. Clad in muddy shirt near the lake that is shadowed by a maple tree in one such evening Yoongi meets Jungkook, where the tree has gradually started to lose all of its leaves.
Yoongi meets a boy that evening, eyes of whom sparkle like stars and the colour of maple leaves adorns his smooth cheeks. In that one autumn evening, while leaves get to wander around walking on the wind, Yoongi finds a reason to finally stop running and to stay. Years from now, he will learn that he should've learned to let go that evening like that maple tree which stood high despite the leaves leaving it behind. Years from now, Yoongi will remember this evening and maybe he would wish he hadn't stopped running.
But future works in a mysterious way. What seems like a small step, ends up becoming a marathon for a lifetime. And you run, you run until the endless road blurs and the horizon seems too far away to reach. You run until you learn to let go. When the reality of one such small step costing your whole heart settles in, you learn why the maple tree allows its leaves to wander through the world as it stands alone, with a smile for new tomorrow.
Yoongi meets Jungkook when the boy was rolling in the mud under the maple tree. With mud staining his skin, he was an art. An art, that doesn't belong to one person. An art, that is meant to be seen by millions, loved by numerous and belongs to every beholder. Years from now, Yoongi will understand what it meant to be an art. Years from now, Yoongi will realize Jungkook was an art, he can't keep to himself.
With slow steps when Yoongi approaches the art stained with mud and offers his handkerchief with unsurety, the art smiles at him widely. Dazed, Yoongi watches the red leave sticking on the boy's messy hair and as his cheeks gradually become cleaner, he finds the semblance of red in them.
Jungkook gives him the mud-stained handkerchief back with sparkly eyes and Yoongi takes it, a little pleased that a part of the art is now his.
Not unlike the falling leaves, Yoongi falls for an emotion that was still unexplored by his 12-year-old self. He falls with a gentle sway and he feels the wind caressing him with comfort through it. Just like a maple leaf, he falls for the art in that moment or maybe he falls in the coming years. Maybe he falls in a moment of daze, admiring the art from afar. Or, maybe he falls as the art holds his hand and walks him through the crowd of his small town.
You will be your own shore, your own support
You will be the rhythm and tale of tomorrow
Yoongi and Jungkook become inseparable in the coming years very naturally. They spend a childhood, growing up together and growing through each other. They build a friendship with the hope of everlasting companionship.
The maple tree gains back its leaves as Yoongi and Jungkook sit under the shadow of it, sharing dreams and ambitions of a future that's unknown. Jungkook speaks of art, he speaks of music, he speaks of dance but what he speaks of the most is to belong to the crowd. Every evening Yoongi sits beside him and watches him dazed, wondering if Jungkook will ever want to stop running for him just how he did in that one autumn evening.
Jungkook wanted to stand at the center of a stage as eyes of admirers sparkle in awe of him. The dreams he wraps around him is to become an art that is surrounded by numerous, just for a glimpse of it. Yoongi had told him once that he already is an art that only he gets to admire, Jungkook had laughed at the words and enveloped him in his warmth. Yoongi wanted to scream and tell him to believe but words die in his throat as soft lips touches his own.
With shared childhood and shared dreams, love comes naturally to them. Yoongi fell in that autumn evening and he hopes somewhere along the way Jungkook did too. When the boy with cheeks tainted in red asks him to belong, Yoongi could only laugh in his heart because when has he not belong to Jungkook?
Between soft touches and warmth of shared blankets, they find solace in each other throughout their teen years.
When Jungkook first goes for an audition, Yoongi stands under the maple tree to hold him close from breaking. Failure is hard to face and for Jungkook it's harder to accept. When he breaks down in Yoongi's embrace, whispering how much he never achieved anything in life, he wanted to tell Jungkook-- you have gained my love. But for him love wasn't worth that much, for Jungkook his dream mattered a thousand gold while love is a fallen maple leaf.
Failure becomes a constant afterwards and his art cracks a little with each one them. Yoongi thinks, even with the gloom and cracks, Jungkook is the most beautiful art he has ever seen. But he doesn't get to tell him that, because soon success finds its way to his art and the maple tree starts to lose its leaves again.
This journey is yours
This pathway to it is yours
It was another evening of autumn, when Jungkook takes him in his arms and informs him of the separation to come. The art doesn't realize that yet because he seems exhilarated as he raves about the successful audition and how Seoul is calling for him in two weeks. An entertainment agency has finally found his art and is willing to showcase him for numerous eyes. His art won't just be for his eyes anymore and Yoongi wasn't sure how to respond. He wanted to ask if he realizes what that entails for their relationship. If he realizes that within his dreams lies a separation between them. But Jungkook seems so unaware of everything and everyone around him as he builds his life around only the dream of a crowd that he belongs to.
It takes everything in Yoongi to smile back at Jungkook as the latter blabbers about his plans for his next destination. He doesn't think of Yoongi and he forgets their relationship as he starts to pack to leave for Seoul. Leaving behind a barren maple tree and under it standing his beloved.
It's a week later, when Yoongi finally asks him, "what about us?"
Jungkook seems confused as if there never was an "us" between them. Yoongi thinks he breaks a little too, but he waits, waits for an explanation or maybe just a promise. When nothing comes, he screams and he demands Jungkook to not leave. He refuses to support his dreams in rage and Jungkook only asks him to not be selfish.
Selfish. Yoongi thinks he has never been one. He thinks selfish is a colour that belongs to his art.
Jungkook. Selfish is all he has ever been and Yoongi for the first time feels something other than love for his art. He sees a flaw in the art and all the illusion built around it breaks a little more. When has love ever meant anything to Jungkook after all. When has a maple leaf ever touched his soul. It just lies on the ground to be trampled under his dreams.
That day Yoongi runs back to his home as autumn rain hides the tears staining the canvas of his crumpled face. Between hiccups and heartbreak his body breaks, and it's only a few hours later that he learns that he doesn't have the time to see what happens years from now.
I pray that may all the fame and glory be yours
I pray that you have all the mercy and grace on you
When time becomes limited, Yoongi learns to be calm in the face of abandonment. With how little he has to give, there's no reason to hold Jungkook back from a long future ahead. He is the one who reaches out to Jungkook two days before his departure. He hopes, maybe after the confrontation of his rage, Jungkook will think about "us" but when he walks through the door, all he sees is the eagerness to fly.
Yoongi doesn't let the hurt show. He has reached the point where he can't even distinguish between the pain of heart and the pain of the illness that is slowly growing inside of his small frame. He has come to give Jungkook the future, that he won't ever have. But Jungkook never really needed his approval to leave, and so when he smiles with acceptance, the other only nods reassuringly.
He doesn't share about how time is slipping out of his grasp slowly, because Jungkook's time has only started. They stand under the maple tree for the last time, as his art prepares to belong to the crowd. Autumn rain soaks the entire town around him, and yet Jungkook could only notice the bright colors surrounding them. Between shared kisses and last goodbyes, Yoongi offers him a fallen maple leaf to ask for a promise to return. Even if he is on his last breath, he wants to fall one last time for the boy with sparkly eyes, for the boy who is a red stained canvas and the most beautiful art. Jungkook promises easily, not knowing that years from now he will find it too hard to keep. That years from now, he might not have the chance to return to the beloved under the maple tree whom he left without a second thought. That years from now, he will regret the dream to belong to a crowd when he could've belong to the one who treasures him much more than a million other could.
Winter comes early that year.
First few months go by easy. Jungkook contacts just enough for Yoongi to survive. He shares the excitement of his new journey, the hidden passion in the hardship that comes with it. Walking on the wind, Jungkook wanders all around his new abode, rarely noticing the silence on the other side of the phone.
Yoongi listens with curiosity while clutching his chest from pain, forcing the whimper down his throat. Chemotherapy is too hard to bear and when on rare days he gets to think about something else besides the pain, Yoongi wonders if it would've been easier if Jungkook was there to hold his hand through the pain. But he doesn't get to tell the boy of this thought, as Jungkook never asks what its like back home without his presence. Too enamoured by the future ahead, he forgets the leaveless maple tree he left behind.
And then phone calls turn into messages only. Yoongi still holds onto them in tight grip as life continues to slip away from his clutch. Just a simple "I'm thinking of you" from Jungkook, becomes his reason to breathe another day. Treatments stops working at some point, but Yoongi stubbornly clutches the maple leaf to help him reach the shore and save him from drowning.
It's time to forget me now
This is a goodbye to you
Festivals come and go but Jungkook doesn't return for 2 years. Yoongi requests --begs-- him to come just for once, as he misses his art and wants to see him to his hearts content maybe for one last time. Unaware of his limited time, Jungkook shows numerous excuses of his inability to return. On rare days he picks up Yoongi's calls, only to reprimand him for disturbing. Trainees aren't allowed to talk on phones that much and he doesn't have the time to message all day. His debut is near. Yoongi listens to his voice with eyes closed, trying to imprint the sound of it in his soul as his weakened body lies on a hospital bed, counting his days come to an end.
Before Jungkook can hang up, he dares to request something of him. Surprisingly the other boy waits to hear his words. "I have written a song for you. Someday, sing it for the crowd."
Jungkook stays quiet for an unknown amount of time, Yoongi thinks he has already hanged up but then the boy answers. "Why not for you?
For the first time in so long, Yoongi sobs and he is not alone. He lets Jungkook hear the unbearable anguish of his heart as he sobs uncontrollably. The other boy is caught off guard, he is not used to Yoongi baring his pain for him to see. He wants to console but time is running out, he has to go back to practice again. He doesn't want to hurry, he wants to take Yoongi in his arms and coddle him until the gummy smile blooms in his porcelain beauty. But he is so far away, and Jungkook's time is in the shackles of routine. For the sake of his dream, he can't afford to ask the meaning behind Yoongi's broken sobs.
"I have to go, Yoongi. Show me the song when I return." Jungkook hangs up before Yoongi gets to reply. "But I won't be able to." Is what he doesn't get to say. "I won't be here when you return." Is what Jungkook didn't have the time to hear.
Jungkook's group debuts on summer. The crowd finally gets to see the art that he is, admiration in those eyes don't go unnoticed and Jungkook reaches the pique of fame very early in his career. It was given, he was an art and arts have always been treasured by the mass. Doesn't matter if people don't know the tale behind every stroke of brush, they know it's precious and so they admire. Some may hate out of envy, but even then art remains to be an art. It belongs to numerous eyes and soon those gazes become its reason to exist.
It was the last autumn that Yoongi requests-- begs-- Jungkook to return for once. The latter, too drunk in the new found glory, finds it inconvenient to put a halt in his schedule for a meet up with an old friend. He promises to return in the winter, when the maple tree looks more dead than ever.
Yoongi fights to last till winter, but he has already fought for too long in hope to see his beloved for one last time. Years after knowing Jungkook, for the first time Yoongi regrets ever stopping himself from running that one autumn evening. He always wondered how lonely the maple tree must feel as the leaves fall and leaves it bare, he doesn't have to anymore because now he knows. In the last few of his breathes, Yoongi reminisces many of such autumn evenings spent beside Jungkook, but the first one still remains special. He wonders if Jungkook ever truly felt something for him, or was he just like any other gaze that admires the art. Clutching the last red maple leaf of hope, Yoongi breathes his last before winter comes.
You will find me wherever there is blossoms
You will find me wherever there is my loyalty
This time Jungkook keeps his promise. This time Jungkook truly returns, but autumn has already passed and winter is knocking at the door. The maple tree has died and so have all of its fallen leaves. For a long time, he stands facing the road on the same lake, he had once encountered a porcelain doll. When the doll had walked towards him with its unblemished untainted beauty glowing under the soft touches of yellow light, Jungkook had felt himself to be too unworthy in his mud-stained canvas. Yoongi always felt like a dream to him, and for him he wanted to be worthy.
The canvas of him was a mess of unworthy colours while Yoongi remains untouched. They grow up and they fall in love, but Jungkook achieves nothing. His canvas remains unsightly, and he has nothing of beauty to offer to his doll. Yoongi calls him an art, but Jungkook can only think of how unattainable the boy's gaze is for an unworthy art like him.
The ray of light that comes, makes Jungkook feel like he can be of worth soon enough. He hurts his porcelain doll for the first time as adamance to achieve something blinds him. When yoongi asks him, "what about us?", Jungkook could only think how it has always been about us. I'm leaving for us , so years from now I can return to us.
But who can truly fight a conspiracy schemed by both time and fate? Jungkook failed to think about time and failed to notice how his doll was losing his glow little by little everyday as he left. He tried, he tried with all of him to only share the end result of his training life when the process makes it hard for him to continue. Yoongi only ever heard how in every monthly evaluation Jungkook came on the top but not of the nights he almost gave up, or the times he just wanted to run back to his doll's arms for good. Both of them were hiding pains of their own, hoping for the best of the other's future. Future with Yoongi blinded him so much, that Jungkook ended up losing his present with him.
The autumn Yoongi asks him to return the last time, Jungkook wanted to desperately run back to him but responsibilities makes it too hard to abandon.
And when he finally returns, autumn is gone and winter has returned.
I will always meet you in all these ways, that's a promise
I will stay with you in this way
That's a promise
The loud cheers of a huge crowd reverberate in the arena, as everyone waits for the man of the hour to grace the stage with his glorious presence.
Jeon Jungkook is celebrating 10 years of his successful career with a solo concert today. After sudden departure from his group on the third year of his career, Jungkook debuted as a soloist with his first solo and the most successful album of that year "Without You". With that his solo career took off, giving his listeners more music to consume. Each of his album was as if he was baring a part of his soul, raw and too real. In every album he would have a hidden track that talks about longing and regrets, making his fans wonder about the pains the singer hides in his music.
Everyone is looking forward to a night of glory today, as Jungkook opens the concert with the hidden track of his first album "Years from now."
The singer perform each and every hidden track of his albums in the night, the tracks that has never been performed before. Nobody expected the setlist to be a combination of his most vulnerable songs, and the painful truth of longing. Jungkook pours his soul in every song he performs tonight, yearning hidden from no one is the crowd. As the end draws near, clad in a mud stained shirt the singer stands in front of the crowd. All the lights are turned towards him and yet he looks gloomy, even the glow of the lights can't hide the dark shadow around him.
Jungkook looks numbly at somewhere in the distance for a moment. A note of piano suddenly echoes in the arena, and then the singer sings an unreleased track. Nobody has ever heard this song before, maybe it's a new single? Maybe it's a fan song? Maybe it's specially dedicated to his 10th year anniversary? Too many questions swirl around the crowd until, the lyrics of the song finds their way to the singer's lips.
"Autumn leaves" is the name of that song. His beloved had written that song, begging for the leaves to not wither as his life was withering away. He had asked Jungkook to sing it for the crowd, only if he knew how desperately the singer wants to only sing for him. Just him.
He wants the crowd to fade away, if he can catch just a glimpse of his doll in return. The leaf Yoongi had given to him under the maple tree has withered so long ago and yet Jungkook holds it close to himself. He wants to keep the promise he had made that autumn evening. He wants to return to Yoongi, but Yoongi is gone with the autumn and only winter remains.
Even in winter, a maple leaf finds its way to the arena and brushes past the tear stained cheek of the boy with sparkly eyes, standing in the middle of the stage, being admired by crowd of thousands.
It's his art. And with every autumn rain, Yoongi will come to him and stay with him in every new morning.