Chapter Text
He could ignore it.
Here in the blazing heat of the club, the flashing neon lights dripping pinks and blues on bodies on the dance floor, Robbe could ignore the guy that was ten feet across from him out with his friends, searching the area. He could’ve just disappeared altogether, melted into the walls, made a beeline for the bathroom. He could’ve done all those things if it weren’t for the mere fact that that guy was his ex and he had told him something that he knew he would soon come to regret.
In his defence, it wasn’t exactly Robbe’s fault. Not really. Noah, his ex, was an extremely persistent fellow, adamant about wanting him back, about wanting to hold him again and how lonely his nights were without him. And conversations with him always went like this:
“Robbe, can we talk?” he would ask. He would stand there with his expensive coat, his perfectly styled dark hair and his chiseled face and he would make the ends on Robbe’s nerves spark with irritation.
“There’s nothing to talk about” Robbe would say.
“There’s surely something I could do or say to make you forgive me,” he would take his hand. “An evening at our favourite restaurant, that fancy hotel you like, massages after? Or I could even drive you to the mall and get that watch you’ve always wanted.”
The hopeful look in his dark eyes was not one that Robbe could stand. The thing is, he wouldn’t mind any of those. He wouldn’t mind having dinner at an expensive restaurant, sleeping in an expensive hotel bed, relaxing all his muscles in an expensive massage. But all those things were just that. Expensive. All of it was to flaunt his money without an inkling of meaningfulness to the activities they did. Maybe there had been meaning in the beginning, but if it hadn’t withered away leaving a sour and dry taste in Robbe’s mouth, he wouldn’t be standing here trying to get away from it all.
“Keep your massages and hotels. I told you I don’t need them. I don’t need you.”
And this time, with his dark eyes glistening in a heavy flash and a softened gaze upon him, Noah had said,
“ Everyone needs someone, Robbe. The sooner you realize that the better.”
And that almost made him want to yield in his embrace, forget the past few months of shattered emptiness, let go of all that anger just to have someone hold him. Almost . But his blood ran hot when he realized the second half of his sentence and he knew that it was just another tactic, another manipulation to have a power over him that he didn’t want to give into anymore. So, in his blind rage he did something that he truly, honestly hadn’t meant to do. He had lied.
“Well, maybe I already have someone,” he had said indignantly with his head held high. Anyone would have been proud of him in this moment because a lie or not, it really wasn’t any of Noah’s business. Except for the fact that he didn’t think through what he was about to say next when Noah asked him with a surprised tilt of his head,
“Really? Who?”
“Sander.”
The name had just escaped his lips so easily. Sander. Sander Driesen: his partner in crime, a really close friend, and maybe even one of his best friends. He’d known him since grade school ever since he flung an eraser at his head with a makeshift slingshot made out of elastic rubber bands. He’d sworn he would never talk to him again but Sander had obviously charmed his way into being friends, grabbing his arm and wriggling his eyebrows asking him to be partners for a school project. It was just the first person he thought of and he didn’t really think much of it in the upcoming week. He might’ve actually forgotten all about this interaction because Robbe spent a lot of time actively trying to wipe any and all memories of Noah. Sometimes he succeeded, sometimes he didn’t.
And sometimes his brain wiped away too much and he didn’t have to think of the consequences until right now. In this club.
His head was spinning and he hoped he could reach Sander, who was stood at the bar, before he was seen. He made his way pushing past the sweaty, dancing crowd, getting his brown jacket caught in fumbling hands and almost tripping over himself to get to him. Robbe wasn’t one for religion but he had found himself silently praying to any and all deities present in the sky that he would just go along with his plan. Just for a few minutes, until Noah was out of sight.
Sander had barely finished thanking the bartender for his drink, smiling in his grey full-sleeve and blonde hair shining in the neon lights, when Robbe leaned in and softly clasped his fingers into his.
“Uh, hello to you, too,” he looked at their hands.
“Just go with it, please,” Robbe pleaded. He knew Sander wasn’t one to refuse shenanigans in the night but this one might confuse him or give him the wrong ideas, and he wanted so badly to not have to deal with this, but he was already here, gripping his fingers in his.
“Okay not that I’m complaining, but I’m gonna need an explanation at some point,” Sander smirked.
“And you’ll get one. Later. For now, just hold my hand and look like you’re maybe in love with me a little,” he said, glancing over to check if Noah had come closer. Sander just stared at him, giving him a combined look of amusement and dumbfoundedness, to which Robbe noticed and peered into his eyes. “Please,” he begged once more, glancing to the side.
Sander looked to where he kept darting his eyes and it seemed he finally saw the explanation he’d been looking for. Well, part of it. Noah had been by the entrance in his usual white button-up shirt, chatting up his friends, and if he turned his head just a few degrees more, he’d see Robbe and him standing in all their glory, holding hands. He could feel Sander instinctively squeeze his fingers a little harder, sensing a mood and going into overdrive. He could see the way his green eyes flashed, dark and suspicious, the way his mouth immediately was downturned at the sight of his ex. It was almost protective the way he leaned forward just a bit, shielding Robbe away and offering him a safe glow in the bubble they’d both created just by holding hands. And it made him hopeful that all this could work tonight and he wouldn’t have to worry about Noah, or even Sander, in the aftermath of it all.
Noah’s eyes finally found them and as he squinted, he gained closer on them.
“Robbe?”
“Noah,” he nodded.
There was an awkward beat of silence as they stared at each other. Robbe into Noah’s dark eyes, Noah into Robbe’s brown ones. Sander had bored holes into Noah since the moment he reached them. Robbe had told him all about his ex when they’d first started dating and again after their breakup. It didn’t exactly paint a pretty picture of him and anytime he’d meet him, his distaste seemed to be even worse.
Finally, Noah turned to glance at Sander and then down at their hands locked tightly together.
“So, this is for real, then? You two are actually together?” he asked with a slight scratch in his throat.
It was true that when Robbe told him, he found it a little hard to believe that Sander, the boy he’d been friends with for a long time, was interested in him. But that might have just been an initial shock coupled with the fact that his ego wouldn’t let him think that Robbe could do better. That Sander was better. And if Robbe had to admit it, some part of him deep down, way way way deep down, he knew that he would be.
“You look surprised.” It was Sander who spoke, holding Robbe’s hand tighter and leaning in even closer.
“Not surprised. Just intrigued,” Noah shrugged. That was what he always did when he tried to brush off the bitter feeling of being embarrassed and wrong. When he tried to casually pretend to have the upper hand. “How long have you two been...?” he didn’t attempt to finish the question.
“Uh...about two months?” Sander looked at Robbe.
“Yeah,” he said, unable to really form any coherent sentences right now.
“Two months. Best two months of my life.”
As Sander kissed his temple and wrapped an arm around him without ever letting go of his hand, Robbe really couldn’t believe how dedicated nor how good at this he was.
“You haven’t answered any of my messages since last week,” Noah looked at Robbe.
“I’ve been a little busy. Right babe?” he turned to give Sander a soft kiss on the cheek, one he’d willingly leaned into. “Are you enjoying yourself? You should get a drink, talk to your friends, maybe find someone new here,” he then suggested to Noah. He could see him swallow heavily, a lump in his throat that Robbe felt in his own, but he hoped it would be enough to get him to take the hint and walk away.
“Yeah, you’re right. I should get back to my friends,” he said. Robbe didn’t miss the disregard of the last part of his sentence, to find someone new. To let him go. “It was good to see you. Enjoy your night,” he nodded curtly and stalked off, pulling his phone out of his pocket and joining his friends once again.
And for the first time in a while that night, Robbe felt like he could finally breathe.
So, he exhaled out and let his shoulders drop now that Noah was gone, barely registering Sanders fingers still locked in his. He gave him a mildly worried stare, his green eyes illuminating in the club lights.
“Are you okay?” Sander asked. Robbe took another breath.
“Yeah. Yeah I’m fine,” he said.
Sander looked at him more insistent and he nodded once again to reassure him.
“Okay, so now do you have an explanation for this ?” he smiled, holding up their hands. -
Sander’s eyes were warm as they sat across each other on the stools of the bar. They were iridescent pools Robbe could drown in under these lights. He didn’t think this was how the night would go. He was expecting that Sander and him would hit the club, grab a drink before Jens and the boys got here too, and scour the sights for a hot guy (or even a hot girl for Sander) maybe. And maybe Robbe would’ve felt blush creeping up his neck at Sander suggesting that the only hot guy here was him. But the unfortunate events of tonight and his own stupid mouth blurting out his name to Noah had made things shift.
He’d had some explaining to do.
“So, I’m really sorry for all that...” he started.
“You don’t have to apologize,” said Sander.
“Oh, but I do,” Robbe raised his eyebrows, making a face between lighthearted amusement and complete and utter dread. “Because last week Noah was pestering me about getting back together. And he cornered me at that coffee shop we used to go to a lot and he just kept asking to talk and telling me all these things, asking me what it would take for me to want him back. And he just...he really got under my skin.”
Robbe looked at his half empty glass of beer and remembered the words clearly, all of it rushing back to him now.
Everyone needs someone, Robbe. The sooner you realize that the better.
It was such a typical thing for him to say, yet it left Robbe questioning why it didn’t hurt any less. He knew he had his friends, his mama, and Sander, and a relationship wasn’t all that life was about. But sometimes, in the past few months he’d broken it off with Noah, he wondered what it would’ve been like if he’d had a different relationship. The kind that didn’t leave his chest heavy with doubts, or where sighs didn’t escape in an empty bed in the morning. One that didn’t leave him wanting something tangible, something unbreakable, something more.
“When doesn’t he get under your skin?” Sander snorted, pulling him out of his thoughts.
“Exactly! And so that’s why I told him that I was already dating someone just to get rid of him. And...” he couldn’t bring himself to finish the rest.
“You said you were dating me?”
“Yes,” Robbe groaned as he plopped his head on the counter, hiding in his arms.
He could already see the gleam in his eyes, the endless accounts of teasing that were about to follow. Instead, Sander took a long sip of beer, his mouth plastered to the glass.
“I’m kinda flattered, actually,” he said, shyly looking down at the golden drink.
“What?”
“I mean, I’m glad to know I’m the first person you thought of, it’s kind of like a compliment, yeah?” he smiled confidently at him.
“Alright, alright. Don’t let it get to your head,” Robbe rolled his eyes as Sander laughed a hearty laugh, flashing his canines at him. He joined him in his laughter until he caught sight of dark eyes from across the room.
“Don’t look now- fuck I said don’t look!” he hissed as Sander turned his head, then turned back to him smiling mischievously.
They’d seen Noah’s eyes piercing right through them, his face twisting in an emotion Robbe hadn’t seen from him. A twinge of jealousy, maybe. But all the jealousy in the world couldn’t make him want to be with him again.
Robbe sighed. “He’s staring at us.”
“Well then,” Sander said with a spark in his eyes and a curve of his lips. “Let’s give him something to see.”
He held out his hand, looking straight at Robbe as if he was asking if he trusted him. He looked down at his palm and then up at his eyes, the slightest smile forming across his lips. He did trust him. So, he took his hand and Sander pulled him out of his seat, past Noah and into the nearest wall.
Robbe didn’t know when he felt his hand on his waist or when he saw the stars dance across his eyes, but Sander was pushing him against the wall and he felt himself pulling him closer. His stomach was jumping hoops and his skin was crawling in anticipation, shivers that ran through despite the heat surrounding him. And when Sander’s lips were just a hair’s breath away, he closed his eyes into oblivion as he melted right into him.
He’d been met with a soft touch. A quiet peck, testing the waters. But as he fisted a handful of Sander’s shirt into his hands, a certain hunger had just taken over. He was absolutely lost in it, lips moving in sync with their heartbeats. He felt Sander’s hands tangle in his luscious, brown hair as he wrapped his arms around him fully, pulling him closer, closer, never enough.
Then, he felt his jaw set and a certain wetness drag across his bottom lip, so he parted his mouth to let him in. Robbe didn’t think it could feel like this. He didn’t know it could simultaneously feel this calming and intense, like sparks of fireworks flying in the night sky as the cool breeze would hit your skin. He didn’t know it could awaken every dormant cell in your body, revelations of a unique discovery. He never thought it could be like this, so much that he could relish the feeling for days to come.
It was never like this with Noah.
Noah .
Just as Sander’s fingers hovered over the hem of his shirt, he chanced a look over his shoulder to find an empty space where Noah had been.
Robbe found he didn’t want to let this go. He wanted to keep this moment in his mouth just a little more. So he let himself savour the taste and hesitantly pulled away, lips swollen and pink. Sander didn’t look any better.
“He’s gone,” he said.
“Oh,” was all Sander could manage.
Their breaths were mixing in intoxicating air and their fingers slowly pulled away from the fabric of their clothes, softly tugging and lingering along the way.
Suddenly it felt like the lights were too bright, the music too loud, and everything was too much and Robbe felt like he couldn’t breathe again. He rushed out from Sander’s embrace and out the club doors, the cool air hitting his face. Feeling out of breath and like his chest was winded, he tried to suck in air slowly. What had just happened? What was he doing? He tightly closed his eyes as he heard the club door open, the music blaring and fading out as it closed, and he heard the steps of Doc Martens behind him.
“Sorry,” said Robbe, without looking at him.
“You know, one of these days you’re gonna have to stop saying that,” he heard Sander scoff. He could already imagine the small smile and shake of his head. He turned around to face him.
“We can keep going,” he continued. “If you want.”
His eyes were soft and his bleached hair was shining in the night, a stark contrast to the black backdrop of the dark skies and streets. Robbe looked at him, eyes moving across his face, left to right and up and down, trying to read him.
“What, like pretend we’re together?” he asked.
“Yeah,” Sander shrugged. “If you want,” he repeated. “It doesn’t have to be like, all the time or in front of our friends, but if he comes back again or you feel like you need to...”
Robbe wasn’t sure what to think. He didn’t think this would be something that needed to happen again. Or something that could ever happen again. There was a feeling twisting his gut about using his friend like this.
“And...you’d be ok with that?” he asked him, raising his brows.
He saw Sander shake with laughter.
“Yes, Robbe. How long have I known you for? You worry way too much. We can take it easy, yeah? No pressure,” he shrugged once more, his voice breezy and light.
It was astonishing how Sander could always make him feel better in an instant, a warmth that would spread all across his body, a sense of calm and friendly energy that soothed all his anxieties.
He thought about it for a bit. If Noah did decide to make a presence somewhere and he was seen with Sander, it would definitely help keep him away. And as long as Sander was offering and they didn’t have to make a big deal about it, it should be fine. He felt a weight lifted in this moment, light and airy as his shoulders relaxed, and instead of an awkward distance threatening to push him away, to drag tension scorching through the flames, he felt closer to Sander.
“Yeah. Okay, yeah. No pressure,” Robbe smiled.
Sander returned the smile and tilted his head.
“Let’s go back inside. Jens and the others are probably waiting for us,” he said.
Robbe nodded and as he headed towards the door, Sander wrapped his arm leisurely around his shoulder.
No pressure.