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“Itidin’ales would you inform the rest of the guard about Gul Dukat returning early tomorrow?” Weyoun asked not looking up from the padd he was reading.
Itidin’ales just nodded in reply not needing to speak because a Jem’Hadar’s purpose is to enact the Founders will. And the Founders have willed him to serve under Weyoun, fifth of his line. He left to go inform the rest of his brethren on Terok Nor.
Despite what others believe Jem’Hadar do think. Itidin’ales’s thoughts were on his general dislike of the Cardassian leader Gul Dukat and how he almost pitied the Vorta Weyoun for having to deal with such an obnoxious man.
There are many things the Jem’Hadar do not speak of, even with each other. For Jem’Hadar have the ability to communicate with each other without speaking. Not in something as complex as language, more like giving each other an impression. It’s how their unity with one another looks so alien and almost instinctual to outsiders. It’s why they do not speak of it. Whether the Founders intentionally created them with this is unknown but seems unlikely in his mind. Either it is something so inherent to themselves that they could not exist as Jem’Hadar without it, or the Founders are unaware of this ability. Why else would they create something that can communicate without their knowledge?
Finding the first was easy enough, “Gul Dukat will be returning tomorrow early in the day.”
Simply standing in the presence of the first allowed for synchronization. It helped sooth Itidin’ales’s agitation for having been alone for several hours guarding Weyoun. The first nodded, the shared frustration at having to deal with the Cardassians flowed through them till Itidin’ales went out of range.
He went to return to Weyoun, practically the Vorta’s shadow. Itidin’ales couldn’t help but think that Weyoun was aware of his knowledge of him and due to his discretion he’s kept him as his main guard because of it. There was much to be known about Weyoun 5. Whether it was his breaking of Vorta norms by having such intimate contact with Dukat and possibly others, or his growing psychic abilities. Some Vorta had psychic abilities, however this was something gifted to certain individuals it’s not a natural trait or else the Founders would make it so. It is only natural if the Founders have said it is. Like how the swarming rage inside him is natural but when he feels other things it is not.
Vorta found to be defective in this manner were killed and their line either altered or discontinued. Itidin’ales didn’t keep Weyoun’s secrets cause he liked him. In fact he disliked Weyoun for the usual reasons Jem’Hadar disliked the Vorta. Their groveling, the attention of the Founders, the way they lorded themselves as the Jem’Hadar’s superiors, the fact they didn’t need the white. The list for why the Jem’Hadar do not like the Vorta is long and the Vorta distrusted them just the same. No memory of where this dispute between the two species began exists and even if it did it wouldn’t really matter. There was nothing an individual could do to step across such a deep divide.
Itidin’ales returned to Weyoun’s office. He entered to inform him that he had done as he had asked before being waved away. Standing next to the door there wasn’t much else for him to do but sit with his thoughts. Anxiety from being without other Jem’Hadar was being channeled into anger like all Jem’Hadar are taught.
So why does Itidin’ales protect Weyoun’s secrets? Mainly out of pity. Having been the Vorta’s guard for months something has become clear to him and that’s the major difference between their species. That difference is built on how a Vorta stands alone while the Jem’Hadar stand together.
When Weyoun is with other Vorta they do not trust each other like the Jem’Hadar do. There is no kinship between them, only the preservation of their individual line and worshiping the Founders fuel them. As he’s observed it’s become clear that as absurd as it sounds while the Vorta are of much more value to the Founders it’s obvious to him the Vorta envy the companionship of the Jem’Hadar. And Itidin’ales knows how much it hurts to be without kin for several hours so of course several lives separate and alone must be devastatingly painful. Itidin’ales will never view Weyoun like his Jem’Hadar brethren but he does give him a modicum of protection and support, even though he shouldn’t. They say the Jem’Hadar are without pity and mercy. This is not true the Jem’Hadar are just not ALLOWED to have pity or mercy. With very few exceptions. The relationship between the Jem’Hadar and their Vorta is one of them. The Vorta are the only beings Jem’Hadar come into regular contact with so they cannot behave as they’ve been programmed to. Their programming for violence was useless when with interacting with the Vorta.
Itidin’ales suspected there were other Jem’Hadar that had similar feelings about their Vorta. Besides his fellow Jem’Hadar they were the only others they were allowed to show something besides anger towards. Yet when you’re very DNA and what fuels you, what flows in your veins, the white has been designed for violence the lack of it feels….wrong. Itidin’ales wonders what it’s like to not be so angry all the time? What is it like to have your life in your own hands instead of given up from the moment you take your first breath? These thoughts would be considered blasphemous if he ever told anyone about them. Not that he would. This is why they are put on the white. How else would they be kept down when they crave a freedom they’ve never known. A freedom they are designed to take from others. Itidin’ales wonders what is worse, to have never known freedom or to have known it and have it taken away?
They envy the Vorta for their freedom, or at least illusion of freedom. The Vorta have the option to do things other than die in battle, the only thing the Jem’Hadar will ever know. Whether their actually free doesn’t matter so much to Itidin’ales, because those that are free don’t have it for long when the Jem’Hadar meet them. But the Vorta, the Vorta are always there. Always praised, spoken to, respected as things other than weapons. They are still things though, just another tool of the Founders. But one that is loving used and loves to be used. It’s why the Jem’Hadar hate them. Not just because they cave and grovel but because when they do it they get rewarded while the Jem’Hadar get the same prize no matter what they do, a violent death. They don’t get multiple lives. Itidin’ales is only a year old, made not too long before the war started.
What does Weyoun think of him he wonders? He probably doesn’t Itidin’ales assumes. How he wishes he could ask these questions, speak of his thoughts. But a Jem’Hadar was not designed to think, only to kill. It’s why the ones who do not learn this lesson do not make it to adulthood. Silence is an easy burden to suffer if you want to continue living, especially when all your brothers are just as silent. Their not without thought or will, the Jem’Hadar, but they are without a voice. While the Vorta have their voice but are without a will, a thought of themselves as a people. That is a question Itidin’ales does know the answer to. He would much rather be a people without a voice than to have a voice without a people.
Weyoun sighed, “We’re going to Quarks.” He shuffled the padds on his desk, “How the Cardassians handle having so much time on their hands I’ll never know.”
Working alongside the Cardassians has lead to some new developments. Itidin’ales wasn’t around for long before the war so he has adjusted to the Cardassian clock easily. His brethren and the Vorta however have not. The Jem’Hadar did not need sleep, they did not eat nor did they relax. The Vorta however did need to sleep and eat. Which is one of the reasons the Jem’Hadar looked down on them, or was it envy? Itidin’ales wasn’t sure envy and pride looked very similar when you’re so angry. So angry that you wish it would stop, would beg to be given some control over it if it would do anything. Which it wouldn’t, it’d only show he was defective and while he cared little for the thoughts of the Founders he cared very deeply about how his fellow Jem’Hadar would remember him. It’s all they really had, memory. The Vorta were allowed to catalog their experiences, were given the right to write down things for other Vorta and future generations. The Jem’Hadar were not.
The walk to the bar was uneventful. Inside he could see several other Jem’Hadar sitting at a few tables. There were more Cardassians than Jem’Hadar on Terok Nor with the wormhole closed. So a lot of the Jem’Hadar had to switch to their clock. Itidin’ales wondered what that was like? He was a guard for Weyoun and he’d stay at that till he was dismissed. Which Weyoun rarely did. The only times he dismissed him were when he was doing something he shouldn’t. If he thought it removed suspicion from him it didn’t. Not that Itidin’ales would tell anyone. The bar was always loud with the Cardassians. Weyoun was sitting at a table by himself staring at his drink but not looking at it. It wasn’t Itidin’ales’s place to care and he wasn’t allowed to ask anyways so he looked around the bar. Keeping his eyes open for threats but also observing.
The Jem’Hadar were close with one another but that did not mean they were allowed to be weak with their fellows. Like the Vorta physical contact outside of sparing was not allowed. The Jem’Hadar disallowed it as much if not more so than the Vorta and Founders. Because they knew what would happen if they got too close. It was better to hurt someone a little reminding them of the risks than to give in and end up with them both dead.
It’s why Itidin’ales often found himself watching the Dabo girls. For one he never understood why or how other species categorized themselves into separate groups. It made no sense to him. Dukat had tried to explain it to Weyoun once and it made it even less understandable. Weyoun was short, had a soft voice and long hair but he was considered a ‘he’ by the Cardassians yet Itidin’ales had seen the Cardassians call other Vorta ‘she’ and treat them differently. They’d often touch the Vorta they called she more without asking than the ones they called he. The Vorta were all the same of course, the Founders had no need for useless things. But the different treatment bothered him in a way he could not put words to. He did not understand it but that wasn’t why he liked watching them, the Dabo girls.
It was the way they acted. They laughed, they were clearly viewed as objects and lesser to the Cardassians around them but they were allowed to speak. They also touched, either each other or whoever they were working with. A hand on an arm here, leaning in to whisper there, a hug. But then one of the Cardassians would touch and the girl would shy away. Try to dissuade the contact and the Cardassians would often not listen. It enraged Itidin’ales. They were given a gift freely, contact, to talk and be listened to, but the Cardassians kept trying to take more. To take what wasn’t given, to try and take what the girls kept for themselves. Their greed enraged him. These Cardassians, they couldn’t see how much they had yet they still wanted more.
Weyoun sighed and ran a hand through is hair. He also looked towards the Dabo tables. He hoped he’d decide to play today. The Dabo girls didn’t like Itidin’ales or any of the Jem’Hadar that he could see but he didn’t mind. He just wanted to observe them, see what their lives were like, imagine for a minute what it must be to live like that. But Weyoun did not go to play today, he didn’t even finish his drink before heading to his quarters. Itidin’ales on his heels, like he is supposed to be. He went to follow him inside.
Weyoun put a hand up, “Stay here I do not need you inside.” Before the door shut between them.
Itidin’ales would have liked to have stayed at the bar longer. Being in the same room as other Jem’Hadar allowed for synchronization and made him feel better. Just a little less consumed by anger knowing he wasn’t alone. The sound of yelling and then a crashing sound came from the other side of the door. It was clear the Vorta Weyoun was capable of anger, it almost made Itidin’ales feel a connection to him, almost. But then sobbing followed, the Jem’Hadar were not allowed to cry. One of the others he was trained with as a child had cried after being struck and was killed on the spot in front of the rest of them. Teaching them that such emotions were not acceptable. Itidin’ales wished he could be with the other Jem’Hadar, maybe then he’d stop trying to connect with the Vorta so much. It was painful to try and connect with someone who you had so little in common that those common things just reminded you of your differences more than it brought on a connection. Itidin’ales was alone in the hall, he allowed himself a sigh of annoyance. A rare treat to get to express emotion. But he was annoyed and he was alone. His only other company was the sobbing from the other side of the door.