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Haiba Lev is in love.
He is absolutely certain of it, claiming that surely it can be nothing else when he’s got all the symptoms. The butterflies, heart beating faster, the need to impress, the want to be near, the yearning and longing.
He sounds like a maiden straight out of a cheap romance novel, and as Lev’s best (and only, really) friends, Inuoka Sou and Shibayama Yuuki get to hear all about it.
It’s been about eight months since they all became friends and seven months since Lev first began showing an interest in the object of his affections. Or maybe object is the wrong word to use, since Yaku Morisuke is anything but that. He’s a very real person in their vicinity who Yuuki respects very much and knows way too much about.
“Did you know Yaku-san has moles on his shoulder shaped like a smiley face?” Lev asks one day as they leave the gym after practice. It’s cold outside and they’re all bundled up in jackets and scarves.
“No, I did not,” Yuuki answers. He has no interest in his seniors beauty marks, but to avoid dealing with a sulking Lev it’s better to indulge him.
“Well he does! I swear! Well, maybe they’re more like freckles but I swear they look like a face which is really cute!”
“You think everything about him is cute, which I don’t get at all,” Inuoka adds, “he’s intimidating if anything.”
“No he’s not,” Yuuki disagrees, “I agree I wouldn’t call him cute, but he’s nice and can be really funny sometimes.”
Lev lets out a defeated sounding sigh and stops in his tracks. The snowflakes flutter around him, sticking to his hair and making it seem even lighter, a feat Yuuki didn’t think was possible.
“What is it now?” Inuoka asks.
“It’s just so unfair!” Lev exclaims, “Shibayama gets to practice with Yaku-san all the time, and he likes you enough to make jokes and stuff!” He pouts at Yuuki, who does feel a little bit bad for him. Only a little though.
“That’s because we play the same position and you know that,” Yuuki says, repeating the exact same phrase he’s said every time Lev has complained about the ‘unfairness’ of Yaku’s attention. “Give me 30 centimeters and we can switch.”
Lev looks offended at the mere suggestion.
“If I become the libero I can’t be the ace,” Lev says, like that’s the only thing keeping him from actually switching heights with Yuuki.
After a few seconds of silence, Inuoka starts to laugh. Yuuki follows soon after and Lev asks what it is that they find so funny as they finally leave the school grounds behind and venture out into the city.
—
After nationals, the third years gradually stop coming to practice. They said that they would, to help the team slowly find their way without them and to give their last pieces of advice. It’s a bit strange at first, to not hear Kuroo’s speeches, to not be yelled at for slacking and to be the starting libero when they have a practice game against Shinzen. It’s a bit strange, but Yuuki manages just fine. It’s worse for Lev.
Not only is his heart supposedly breaking the longer he goes without seeing Yaku, but without the third year's constant nagging, he begins to slack off. He isn’t lazy, per say, but despite his claims to become the ace and the best player ever, he isn’t very dedicated.
Yuuki thinks that Lev doesn’t really like volleyball, he just likes being good at stuff.
Lev thrives on attention and praise, and the sport provides him with both. At least it does in official games when the crowd is too caught up in cheering to nitpick on sloppy moves. Kuroo and Yaku were never too caught up in anything to nitpick, and though Lev would whine and complain, the whole team could clearly see his improvement after their scolding. Without them, he seems kind of lost.
One afternoon, Yuuki decides to take matters into his own hands.
“Teshiro, do you want to go grab snacks after practice?” Lev asks their fellow first year when they get a water break.
“No,” Yuuki interrupts before Teshiro can swallow his drink and answer. “Don’t think I haven’t noticed you slacking off in practice now that there is no Yaku-san around to impress.”
“Shibayama!” Lev yells in horror, “not so loud!”
Teshiro lays a hand on Lev’s shoulder, which only works because the giant is sitting down on a bench. “We all know, Haiba, you’re the least subtle person I’ve ever met,” he says before walking away.
Lev stares after him in shock, with his mouth half open and some drops of water trickling down his chin. He looks ridiculous, Yuuki can’t help but smile.
—
Extra practice goes okay. There’s nothing that goes particularly wrong, but Yuuki also can’t tell if they’re making any progress. He doesn’t know what drills would be best to run, or really anything about how to improve blocking. He’s never had to block anything in his life. The only thing he feels he can really help with is receiving, and even then he’s not that much better than anyone else on the team.
Nekoma is known for their defence, and in a team where everyone is good at receiving, you’re expected to be exceptionally so as the libero. If not, you deserve no place on the court. Yuuki is under no illusion that he will ever reach Yaku’s level, not even as a third year.
The same goes for Lev, who’s stepping in for Kuroo as their now most experienced middle blocker.
They’ve both got big shoes to fill. Enormous, actually. And if they’re never going to be able to fully fill them, then Yuuki is going to make sure they’re doing it at least half-way.
—
“I saw Yaku-san in the hallway today! And he even said hello and asked how practice was going!”
Lev talks about this fateful meeting for about 20 minutes, Inuoka nods along but Yuuki can tell that he’s not really listening. Yuuki is, though. As annoying as it can get to hear Lev go on and on about the supposed ‘love of his life’, Yuuki likes seeing him happy. He’s got a nice smile, wide and bright. It makes his eyes sparkle and his cheeks look all round and cute.
Yuuki would never tell anyone this of course, because although he knows that Lev is objectively regarded as handsome, the only other times someone he knows refers to other guys as ‘cute’, it’s Lev with Yaku. He doesn’t want Inuoka to get the impression that there are any hidden implications, because he would be right.
“I can't believe they’re graduating in a couple of weeks,” says Inuoka, “it doesn’t feel like a year has passed already, but at the same time I feel like I’ve known you guys and the team much longer.”
Yuuki understands what he means, it kind of feels like an eternity passed in a second.
“Do you think Yaku-san will forget about me?” Lev asks, looking really worried.
“No,” Yuuki answers earnestly, “there’s no way he’d forget you, you’re very memorable.”
Lev seems confused.
“What do you mean?”
Yuuki doesn’t know how to put it into words, all that Lev is. Not only are his physical traits, like his height, hair and eyes, very noticeable and memorable, but he’s quite the character too.
Lev is taller than any adult Yuuki has ever met, and yet he sometimes acts like a little baby, whining when he’s tired or things don’t go his way. He’s confident, completely baselessly so, and it’s refreshing to see because Yuuki is the total opposite. Lev will claim that he’s going to block every spike coming his way, let most of them through, and yet still wake up the next day and think he’s the best. He’s kind. Though he has no filter and will let things slip out that perhaps shouldn’t be said, it’s never with malicious intent. Yuuki doesn’t think Lev would ever purposely say anything to actually hurt another person unless they really really deserved it.
Lev is a lot of things, and as much as the whole team would complain about him and act like he was a nuisance, Yuuki knows none of them would deny his help in making them come as far this year as they did.
Especially not Yaku. So yes, Yuuki wholeheartedly believes that Lev has left an impression and that for better or for worse, Yaku will not forget him any time soon.
“You caused him a lot of trouble during the year,” is all Yuuki ends up answering.
—
Yamamoto opts to stick with his number 4 jersey despite being appointed captain, something about ‘ace pride’. Kozume, who’s now the vice-captain, gets the honour of wearing the number 1 (a picture of Kuroo crying when he heard this fact started circulating one day and the poor man hasn’t known peace since). Fukunaga gets number 2 and Yuuki number 3. Yaku’s number. If being the starting libero in practice games didn’t make it real already, this definitely did.
Inuoka sticks with his 7 and Teshiro gets bumped up to number 5, which leaves Lev with number 6.
“It matches your eyes,” Fukunaga says when Lev wears his old number for the first time. Lev looks utterly confused.
Yamamoto, who’s stood right behind them, bursts out laughing and pats them both on their shoulders, a slightly impressive feat seeing as Lev is a good twenty centimeters taller than his new captain.
—
There’s a period of trial and error as they adjust to their new leadership and starting order. Yamamoto’s captain speeches aren’t even half as lame as Kuroo’s were, but Yuuki still misses them, they had a certain kind of charm.
Lev keeps on slacking off in practice, the others write it off as Lev just being Lev, but Yuuki notices. He makes sure to corner Lev after a particularly bad practice and persuades him into staying a bit longer (this might have included a promise to treat him to some kind of snack or food later on in the week).
“Good job,” Yuuki says afterwards.
“You really think so?” Lev asks, looking tired but happy.
“Yes, you should keep this same energy in regular practice too, or the others will notice and you’ll be benched.”
“But it’s more fun to practice with you!” Lev complains, “You’re not as strict.”
No, Yuuki supposes he isn’t. He isn’t strict or authoritative, he’s never been anyone’s mentor or coach, and he is not at all qualified to help Lev in any way. He feels a bit silly for even trying.
“Sorry I’m not Yaku-san,” Yuuki says and leaves for the changing room.
Even after Yuuki storms off in an unusually dramatic manner, extra practice becomes routine. A couple of times each week Yuuki will hold Lev back and make him work on things he flubbed during regular practice. Sometimes one or two of the newly appointed second years will join and help out but mostly it’s just Yuuki and Lev, spending hours at the gym until the sun goes down and they have to run to catch the last train home.
His parents take notice of his absence, asking him if all the extra practice is worth it. He’s still a high school student after all, and in their book good grades weigh more than volleyball. And sure, juggling school, practice, and sleep doesn’t leave much room for a social life, but he spends most of his time with a friend anyway, so he thinks it’s worth it.
Helping Lev is worth it.
Besides their practices and late-night walks to the station, the two of them start to hang out a bit more at school as well. One day Lev comes running and drags Yuuki out to see two stray cats that have wandered into the school grounds. Another day it’s a fight between two third years, another it’s a double rainbow and another he’s just bored and wants company. Yuuki doesn’t mind the brief interruptions in his otherwise dull school days, he actually looks forward to them.
Lev has also started texting him more than usual. Before he’d only do it when contact was actually needed, like if he was late to practice or something. Now it’s constant. Every time Lev has a sporadic thought or sees something funny, it’s forwarded to Yuuki. It’s usually nothing of value, nothing worth responding to, but Yuuki still does, even if it’s just a laughing or thumbs up emoji.
__
At first, Yuuki thinks that all their extra practice is for nothing. He can’t see any noticeable improvement, and Lev keeps slacking off in regular practice despite Yamamoto and coach Nekomata actually catching on and scolding him a couple of times. It doesn’t seem to be as effective as when Yaku used to do it. Then, on one very hot and sweaty June afternoon, Lev pulls off the most beautiful receive that Yuuki has ever seen in his life. He thinks it’s just a fluke at first, because surely he didn’t suddenly become good overnight? But then he starts to pay more attention to his stance, his positioning. No, he didn’t become good overnight, he became good over months of practice, surely and steadily.
After this slightly life changing revelation, Yuuki thinks that their extra practices won’t be needed anymore. Lev thinks differently.
“Shibayama!” Lev calls out from the other side of the gym where he’s collecting some stray balls. “Teshiro and Inuoka are joining us for extra practice today!”
They (or rather, Yuuki) haven't even decided on extra practice today, Lev just takes it for granted. Not that Yuuki minds, it’s not like he has anything better to do.
Yuuki takes a sip from his water bottle and shoots him a thumbs up.
Practicing with Inuoka and Teshiro always feels more worthwhile than when it’s just Lev and Yuuki alone. Adding a spiker and a setter to the mix means they can do a bit more. Yuuki feels a little like the four of them each have one area of expertise, and their job is to turn Lev into the Avatar, master of all of them. Or adequate at least.
After 40 minutes of extra practice, Lev complains that he’s hungry. Not long after that, Teshiro proclaims that he has to leave soon and the rest of them decide to wrap it up as well.
“So,” Inuoka says, sitting down beside Yuuki to do some stretching. “Has Lev mentioned Yaku-san to you lately? Because he hasn’t to me.”
“You say that like it’s a bad thing.”
Inuoka snorts. “Nah, don’t get me wrong, I’m really not complaining. I just think it’s a bit strange since he used to go on and on about him even after he graduated and the last few weeks I’ve heard nothing.”
Yuuki reflects on this for a bit. What Inuoka said is true, Lev has been awfully quiet about Yaku lately.
“He hasn’t mentioned him to me either now that I think about it. Maybe he’s been too caught up with school and practice?” Yuuki suggests.
“This is Lev we’re talking about,” Inuoka reminds him.
Yes, it’s Lev they’re talking about. Haiba Lev, who can be so incredibly unpredictable and hard to define and yet so very blunt and easy to read at the same time. Yuuki doesn’t know why he’s even bothering to try. Okay, maybe he does. He’s got a hunch, but he doesn’t have the time nor energy it takes to unravel all of that right now.
“Anyway, I couldn’t care less about Lev’s crush, I just wanted to know if he’s alright or if something’s wrong with him,” Inuoka continues when Yuuki doesn’t offer any valuable contributions to the conversation. “You should probably ask him about it.”
This catches Yuuki’s attention. “Why me?”
Inuoka looks at Yuuki like he’s stupid, which is a bit ironic coming from him since he and Lev share one braincell between them. “Because you’re his best friend of course?”
“No, that’s you, since when is it me?”
“Did you spend so much time with Lev his stupidity rubbed off on you? Come on man.”
“I seriously have no idea what you mean,” Yuuki says earnestly, causing Inuoka to exaggeratingly sigh and roll his eyes to really show his annoyance.
“Ever since you started this extra practice routine you’ve been attached to the hip!”
“No, we only spend more time together now because he doesn’t spend every break trying to hunt down Yaku-san in the hallway,”
“Should we stage an intervention or something?” Teshiro, who none of them had heard sneak up behind them, suggests.
“Hey don’t sneak up on people!” Inuoka scolds. “And no, I still stand by what I said, which is that Shibayama should take one for the team and simply ask Lev about it.”
“But why should I do it when it’s your idea?” Yuuki questions.
“Because you spend the most time with him,” Teshiro shrugs, like it makes perfect sense to him.
Inuoka grins in victory. Yuuki gets the urge to throw something at him, like a water bottle or a stinky shoe.
In theory, he guesses they are right. Out of the three of them, he does spend the most time alone with Lev due to their extra practices and the aforementioned fact that breaks no longer include hunts for upperclassmen.
Practically, they’d also be right actually. Yuuki guesses there’s no way around it. He’s forced to admit defeat.
“Fine, I’ll ask him but not until tomorrow,” Yuuki says before doing his stretches and leaving for the club room.
—
Eating lunch with Lev isn’t a new thing. It’s been a regular occurrence for about a year now and Yuuki is almost more familiar with the taste of Lev’s sister’s cooking than his own mother’s.
Haiba Alisa likes to cook, she likes to go a bit overboard with the decorating and making things cat shaped but her food is delicious. Last year when Lev wasn’t rambling on and on about Yaku, he’d ramble about his sister instead. About how amazing she is, how talented and wonderful and pretty she is. Yuuki has only met her two times, but he believes that everything Lev has ever said about her is true, the Haiba’s are kind of amazing.
Today, Alisa has prepared yet another culinary masterpiece, but Lev isn’t eating any of it. Instead he’s using his chopsticks to sneakily drop pieces of food over to Yuuki, like he thinks he wouldn’t notice.
“Haiba-kun,” Yuuki says to get Lev’s attention, “what are you doing? Shouldn’t you be eating?”
Lev looks like a deer caught in the headlights.
“Umm… I just thought that you should have it! Since I get to eat Alisa’s cooking whenever I want to at home!” Lev says, not at all convincing.
“I’ve tried her cooking several times,” Yuuki reminds him. “I don’t need it, I have my own food.”
“But you can never have too much! You need food so you can grow and stuff!” Lev says, putting a bit more empathy than necessary on the word grow.
Yuuki sees where this is going.
“Are you calling me short?”
Again, Lev looks like he’s caught guilty. “No! I mean you are, but there’s nothing wrong with that, it's actually really cute! I just meant that we’re all growing and need protein and stuff?”
Lev rambles on, trying to save himself while one word plays on repeat in Yuuki’s mind.
Cute.
—
Like he promised, Yuuki asks Lev about Yaku when they’re walking to the club room together after school has ended for the day.
“So,” Yuuki begins tentatively, “have you heard anything from Yaku-san lately?”
He studies Lev’s face for any of the signs that usually show up when they talk about Yaku. The excitement, the sparkle in his eyes, the way his lips begin to pull upward.
None of that happens.
Instead there is another look, a new one. It’s still a smile, a very fond one, but not the smile. It lacks the sparkle.
“I have actually,” Lev says, “he’s thinking about playing for some Russian team, so he called me.”
This new information gets Yuuki’s brain to shut down for a second and he stops in his tracks.
“Wait a second, he called you?”
“Yeah, a week and a half ago I think,” Lev says, like it’s nothing out of the ordinary.
A week and a half ago.
“And why didn’t you mention it?” Yuuki asks.
Lev shrugs. “I didn’t think you’d care, and we didn’t talk for long anyway, it’s not like I’m an expert on all things Russia.”
“Of course I’d care! Not only do I want to know what he’s up to nowadays too, but I don’t want you to feel like you can’t talk to me about him.”
They’re nearing the club room now, Yuuki can see a couple of first years loitering. As much as he’d like to continue this conversation, he’s afraid he’ll have to pin it for later.
“Let’s talk after practice,” he says and goes to change.
Practice goes surprisingly well. Lev is in good shape, probably the best Yuuki has seen all year. The others notice it too, praising him every time he does something well, which is often. Lev glows under it, smiles widely and only grows more and more motivated after every compliment sent his way.
When all eyes are on him, Lev is in his element. Yuuki likes seeing him like this.
“Did you see that?” Lev asks when he’s just successfully received one of Yamamoto’s serves.
“Yes, I don’t even know if I could’ve gotten that,” Yuuki admits. Yamamoto has gotten awfully strong.
“Of course you could’ve!” Lev protests without hesitation, “You’re the best!”
Yuuki knows that isn’t true, he is far from the best at anything, but he still can’t help but smile. There is something about Lev’s compliments that make them a bit more impactful than compliments from his other teammates. Maybe it’s because Lev can be genuine to a fault, he doesn’t sugar-coat things, so when he says something it’s always exactly what he thinks. It can be that, or it’s just the fact that Yuuki wants Lev’s compliments. For some reason, he really wants them.
Inuoka sneaks up to Yuuki when the rest of the team starts to wrap up and leave. He swings an arm around him and steers him to a secluded corner so the rest of the guys won’t overhear.
“So what did he say?” Inuoka asks.
“I tried to bring it up earlier but I haven’t really gotten an answer yet,” Yuuki replies while shaking off Inuoka’s arm, “I’ll hold him back and ask on the way home I guess.”
“No extra practice today then?”
“Does it look like he needs it? He was on fire today.”
Inuoka shrugs, “I don’t really think he stays behind for volleyball.”
“What do you mean?”
“I think you can figure it out,” Inuoka looks all smug and happy with himself. Yuuki is starting to hate that look on him, he misses the good old days when Inuoka didn’t use his brain.
“Hey what are you talking about?” Lev practically bounces over to their little corner, water bottle in hand and a towel wrapped around his shoulder. “How awesome I was today?”
“Yes,” Yuuki says at the same time as Inuoka says, “no.”
Inuoka claps Yuuki on his shoulder and mutters “good luck,” while Lev looks at his two teammates in confusion. Inuoka leaves the gym with Fukunaga and Yamamoto and Lev turns to Yuuki.
“What was that about?”
“Nothing, want to walk to the station together?” Yuuki asks which makes Lev look even more confused.
“But what about extra practice?”
Now Yuuki is mirroring his expression, “you did so well today, I didn’t think you’d need it.”
“Well…” Lev trails off and Yuuki thinks he looks a bit red in the face, probably due to working so hard in practice. “I can always be better, right?”
Yuuki doesn’t argue with that. A better Lev makes a better Nekoma, they’re doing this for the whole team. He grabs a stray ball lying a few metres away and tosses it at Lev who beams when he catches it.
__
“So what was it you wanted to talk about after practice?” Lev asks with his mouth full of banana. It should be disgusting, but Yuuki doesn’t mind. He’s seen Lev in worse states.
They’re sitting on some stairs on the school ground, munching on fruits Yuuki’s mom had packed for him. Her and Lev must have some telepathic link, because lately she’s also been nagging him about eating more, telling him he’s a growing boy who needs more greens.
“Um… It’s something Inuoka mentioned actually,” Yuuki starts, “He said you haven’t brought up Yaku-san in conversations lately, which you used to do a lot before.”
Lev nods to show he’s listening, mouth still full of banana.
“So I guess we’re wondering if you’re alright? Or if we’ve done something that makes you think you can’t confide in us about your feelings anymore?”
Lev seems to contemplate this for a few seconds. He takes a new bite of banana before throwing the peel into a bush and turning to face Yuuki who’s anxiously awaiting his answer with his half eaten apple long forgotten.
Yuuki and Inuoka would often just brush it off whenever Lev mentioned Yaku. He did it so often it became easy to zone out and not actually listen. But that didn’t mean they didn’t care. If Lev were to come to them with an actual dilemma, they’d drop anything to help him solve it. Yuuki hopes he knows that. Hopes that Lev knows he can rely on him and trust him with anything, whether it be a crush or something school or family related or even a dead body that needs hiding (maybe, the jury is still out on that one).
“I’m not in love with Yaku-san anymore,” Lev says, “and to be honest I don’t think I ever was.”
A faint, “oh,” is all that leaves Yuuki’s mouth. To say that he’s shocked would be the understatement of the century. He had been prepared for Lev saying something about how he didn’t want to annoy them, but in retrospect he guesses that would’ve been unlikely. Lev didn’t suddenly become self-aware.
“It was a crush, I think,” Lev continues, “I admired him a lot, and I still do, but I think I mixed up that admiration with adoration. I mean, he is really hot, and he was my gay awakening, but I don’t think I could actually see myself dating him even if he by some miracle would ever like me back.”
Yuuki takes back his previous thought, Lev is apparently very self-aware. It’s surprising, but in a good way.
“So what type of guy could you actually see yourself date then?” Yuuki asks, the words escaping before he can think them through.
The question surprises them both, but Lev recovers fast.
“Well, to be honest… I guess I could see myself dating someone a bit like you.”
The sun is setting, painting the sky in shades of orange and pink. It’s pretty. Yuuki can’t remember the last time he truly appreciated a natural phenomenon like this, teenage boys have better things to do than to sit down and watch the sunset. It’s nice though, calming, he should do it more often. He looks over at Lev beside him, the sun makes his silver hair appear golden. He thinks Lev is just as pretty as the sunset, he wouldn’t mind looking at him more often either.
“What about you?” Lev says when Yuuki doesn’t offer a response, “I don’t think you’ve ever said anything about your type.”
Lev is looking at him now too, surprisingly serious. Yuuki takes a deep breath.
“Well… Since we’re being honest and all… I guess my type would be someone like you.”
Lev’s face softens and he breaks out into a smile. The sparkle is back, and Yuuki doubts it’s just a reflection of the sun.