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It had been 3 days since Gerard answered Dr. Frankenstein’s Craigslist ad & he could confidently say that the man was an asshole. He spent all day running around town, performing odd tasks, & the pretentious motherfucker had yet to even look him in the eye -- let alone remember Gerard's actual fucking name.
"Igor, hand me the scalpel."
"It's Gerard,"
he mumbled, not for the first time.
"NOW, PETER,"
the doctor yelled, bloodshot eyes glued firmly on the pig corpse before him.
"Fuck you, pal,"
Gerard replied, just out of earshot, before fulfilling the request.
Keeping his distance, Gerard watched Frank make careful incisions along the pig’s body, removing specific organs & placing them in jars. He wasn’t sure why Frankenstein was performing these experiments -- just yesterday he dissected a young fox -- but considering that he got paid upfront in cash everyday… it was safe to assume he’d be up to some shady shit. If this dude kills me I’m gonna haunt the shit out of him, Gerard thought to himself. No, actually, Mikey will hunt him down. Then I’ll kick his ass in hell.
They worked in relative silence for the next 30 minutes: Gerard researched indigenous fauna while Frank mixed concoctions at his workstation. It was almost comfortable between them, falling into a routine that felt more familiar than Frank was willing to admit. His eyes inadvertently wandered over to Gerard -- Gerard, he noticed, bit his nails while he read. That’s cute, Frank thought idly, before realizing he’d mixed the wrong ingredients in & would have to start over.
"Fuck,"
he groaned out of frustration, slamming his fist down on the table,
"Fuck, fuck, fuck."
"What’s wrong?"
"Nothing,"
Frank snapped at Gerard, flinging a tray into the sink behind him.
"Whatever, asshole,"
Gerard scoffed, slamming his book down onto the table,
"maybe learn some fuckin’ manners."
Frank’s face dropped at that, but rather than angry he just looked deeply exhausted,
"I’m sorry. Just go, please."
Feeling conflicted Gerard simply nodded & grabbed his bag before making a swift departure. What the fuck was that?
--
The following day was far too busy for either of them to dwell on the awkwardness lingering between them; it was October 30th & whatever Dr. Frankenstein had planned was set for tomorrow.
However, instead of a pig, this time Frank had a dog laid out on the table before him. Gerard noticed a collar around its neck with the name Sweet Pea engraved on the front.
"Did you kill this dog? Jesus christ, dude…"
"What?
Frank furrowed his brows, affronted, before explaining further,
"No, this was my dog. She died naturally... old age."
"Oh, sorry... I just… didn’t think you had pets. I never saw a dog around here."
"Well, yeah, she died months ago,"
he answered casually, reaching across the table for one of his jarred fox organs.
Gerard fell silent, looking back at the small body. Who freezes their dead dog? Who dissects their dead dog? He stared at Frank for a while before busying himself with some other inane task. I don’t think I really need to know.
It was almost nightfall when Gerard heard Frank start to holler in the other room. He’s finally fucking lost it, he thought, warily making his way to the kitchen lab. What Gerard saw disturbed him more than anything he could’ve imagined. Frank was smiling -- the asshole was fucking ecstatic -- & he even had the AUDACITY to pull him in for a hug.
"I DID IT! I DID IT! NO. WE DID IT, GERARD."
Frank exclaimed, pointing at Sweet Pea’s body.
Taken aback by the correct usage of his name, Gerard’s jaw dropped dramatically. Oh, he’s REALLY lost it. From where he stood, it just seemed like Frank was excited about his stitchwork on the dead dog.
"C’mon,"
Frank said, taking hold of Gerard’s hand & placing it over Sweet Pea’s chest.
Gerard wouldn’t admit it, but his pulse sped up the moment Frank touched him, so it took him awhile to realize that the dead dog on the table had a heartbeat.
"What the fuck?"
Gerard said, snatching his hand away.
"We brought her back to life,"
Frank explained, tears welling up in his eyes.
That dog does not look alive. Gerard slowly reached over & felt its pulse again before asking,
"Why isn’t it moving?"
"I dunno,"
Frank answered, smile slipping from his face,
"I’ll have to study her further. She might just need time to re-adjust."
Gerard nodded silently, forcing a smile onto his own face. I should’ve just stayed quiet, fuck. He was so happy.
"That’s amazing though! You brought her back to life! Who else can say that?"
"Yeah,"
Frank stared forlornly at her body, thinking, that’s still not good enough,
"you should start cleaning. This place is a mess."
Why do I even try? Gerard wondered, turning his back to Frank. If he was being honest, he didn’t know if he wanted to fight or fuck the guy. Hands twitching, he started wiping down the counters & secretly watched Frank work from out of the corner of his eye.
Fuck you.
--
"Can you stay until midnight today?"
Frank asked, slowly approaching Gerard who was busy washing dishes.
Despite himself, Gerard nodded, I need money more than pride, I guess.
"Thanks,"
Frank sighed, stepping forward to wash his hands,
"gonna pull another all-nighter."
Gerard was acutely aware of how close they were standing; everytime Frank’s arm brushed against his own, he just wanted to slam him up against the wall & kiss him until they were both out of breath. Lost in thought, Gerard flinched when Frank cleared his throat & looked at him expectantly.
"Huh?"
wide-eyed, he briefly thought that Frank was actually a mind reader. Is this actually happening?
"I need the towel,"
Frank said, raising his wet hands as further proof.
"Oh,"
Gerard stepped aside, somewhat disappointed. I need to get laid, this is just... sad.
"Alright, well, I’ll be in the basement. Knock if you need me."
Gerard nodded silently & bit back the request caught in his throat, Don’t leave.
After toiling away in solitude for a few hours, Gerard was startled by the ringing of a phone. Setting his mop aside, he eventually found Frank’s cell phone sitting on the table. Should I answer it? It might be important... Fuck it. Pressing the call button, Gerard was greeted by a man’s jovial voice.
"Hey, man! Wasn’t sure you’d answer. I know it’s been a while, but, well… I miss you &--"
"Sorry,"
Gerard interrupted, feeling his cheeks heat up,
"I’m not Dr. Frankenstein, but I can take the phone to him."
"Dr. Frankenstein?"
the stranger chuckled, confusion evident in his voice,
"Yeah, please, tell him it’s Ray."
God, I shouldn’t’ve answered. What if that’s his boyfriend? Or an ex? Fuck, I’m so stupid. Approaching the basement, Gerard pushed the door open with his free hand & descended down the stairs.
"Hey, sorry to bother you, but--"
Frank slammed the door on his Chest Freezer shut before turning to look at Gerard with something akin to rage,
"I TOLD YOU TO KNOCK!"
"I’m sorry, you got a call… from Ray,"
Gerard said feebly, holding the phone out for Frank to see.
Taking a deep breath, Frank walked over to him & accepted the phone, waving Gerard off without a single glance.
"Hey, Ray,"
Frank said softly, still within Gerard’s earshot,
"Yeah, I’m… I’m doing better… I’m busy tomorrow, but we can meet later this week."
That’s all Gerard needed to hear before he closed the door. Picking up the mop, he tried not to think about Frankenstein & his secrets & his warm voice. Just one more hour… & then one more day. That was less of a comfort than he thought it would be.
--
Another fucking year, Frank thought, clutching his sixth cup of coffee since this morning. As much as he loved Ray Toro, receiving an unexpected call from his best friend last night just made him more nervous about today -- add onto that his guilt from yelling at Gerard. I’m such an asshole. Glancing at the clock, he felt calmer knowing his assistant would be arriving soon.
Setting his mug aside, Frank walked over to the dog pen he set up in the kitchen & checked on Sweet Pea. She still hasn’t moved , he realized; pressing his hand against her chest, he was relieved to find that it was still beating at the same consistent rate. When he opened her eyes, Frank was surprised to see that Sweet Pea had Rapid Eye Movement now. This is good news, thank fuck.
When Gerard arrived, Frank happily filled him in on the news & pulled him by the arm toward Sweet Pea. Gerard didn’t share his enthusiasm. After heading home last night, he couldn’t sleep for shit. In fact, all he could think about was Dr. Frankenstein as he twisted & turned in his sheets for what felt like hours. Eventually he just couldn’t help touching himself. Now I’m the one who can’t look him in the eye.
"Look…"
Frank started speaking before he really knew what he wanted to say,
"I’m going to be working in the basement for most of today so I need you to keep an eye on Sweet Pea. If… if anything goes wrong I just need you to take care of her. If you can’t keep her, you can call my friend Ray -- he’ll take her off your hands."
Frank held Gerard’s gaze, watching him intensely before he nodded.
"What… what do you mean ‘if anything goes wrong’?"
Gerard asked hesitantly.
"If I don’t come out of the basement, don’t go down there. Just take Sweet Pea & leave,"
the severity of his words hung thickly in the air.
Reaching into one of his cabinet shelves, Frank pulled out a thick envelope & handed it to Gerard,
"You’ve been a good assistant, thank you."
Without another word, Frank left the room & headed for the Basement, closing the door between them.
As Gerard carefully opened the envelope, he realized it contained $8,000 in cash. Holy shit.
--
Babysitting an immobile dog wasn’t how Gerard expected to spend Halloween. I’m in my fucking 30s, how did I get to this point? Usually he’d go to Mikey’s place & they’d marathon slashers before meeting up with a few friends for dinner. But here he was, in relative solitude, pining after his own boss who seemed to be on a suicide mission. I don’t know what he’s doing down there, but I can’t just leave him if shit hits the fan… fuck. This is so fucked.
The sudden sound of knocking on Frank’s kitchen window made Gerard jump out of his seat. Pulling the curtain back, he was greeted by a smiling stranger who waved & gestured for him to open the side door.
"Uhh… hi?"
Gerard quirked a brow at the man, perplexed by his presence.
"Hey, sorry for dropping by unannounced. I’m Ray, do you know if--"
"Oh, uhh, he’s actually busy right now,"
Gerard interrupted, so this is Ray,
"I don’t think he wants to be bothered, but I can let him know you’re here?"
"Ah, no, that’s ok! I just dropped by to give him this,"
he held up a pumpkin-print gift bag with a stuffed bat sticking out the top.
"Oh... yeah, I’ll let him know when he’s done working,"
Gerard said, taking the gift & setting it on the counter next to him.
Ray nodded & sighed,
"I wish he’d take a break & do something fun for his birthday…"
It’s his birthday? Shit. Gerard silently chided himself.
"I’ll try to get him out of the house!"
Ray smiled at that; truth be told, he was just happy to see that Frank wasn’t spending all of his time alone anymore,
"Thank you. What’s your name by the way? I think we spoke on the phone last night."
"Yeah, we did... I’m Gerard,"
he answered, extending an arm out.
Ray shook his hand & beamed,
"Well, it was nice meeting you Gerard, Happy Halloween!"
"Happy Halloween,"
he echoed -- cracking a smile -- & with that, they parted ways.
--
11:00 PM
Half-asleep, Gerard thought he was imagining things when a repetitive scratching sound came from Sweet Pea’s pen. Shhk shhk shhk, the rasping caused him to stir & sit up straighter in his chair. He yawned & stretched out his arms, peering into the darkness before him. Shhk shhk -- the scratching stopped abruptly as a flash of lightning blinded the room -- When did it start raining?
Stumbling through the kitchen in search of the light switch, Gerard yelped when he thought he felt something touch his leg.
"Jesus Christ,"
he cursed, squinting at the kitchen’s indiscernible shadows. Before he could investigate further, he heard a loud commotion coming from downstairs followed by breaking glass. Before he could pause to think, he was already running toward the basement.
The first thing Gerard noticed when he ran downstairs was the blood; it seemed to glisten off of every surface around him. As he crept further into the room, he couldn’t help feeling like he wandered into a crime scene from “Ichi The Killer”. His stomach twisted in fear -- not for himself, but for the Doctor.
Slowly turning the corner, he was shocked to find Frank hugging another man. They lay together on a gurney, eyes shut tight as they touched each other -- not sexually -- but intimately. Gerard’s eyes burned at the sight before him.
"I missed you so much,"
Frank whispered, as he pressed a gentle kiss against the man’s temple. It’d been so long since he knew what happiness felt like, that he was almost bursting with it now.
Just as Gerard was about to sneak out, Frank opened his eyes & caught sight of him. It took Frank a moment to find his voice.
"Gerard, wait!"
he called out, gently separating himself from his partner with an affirming squeeze.
I’m so fucking stupid, Gerard thought, rushing into the kitchen. He was more than eager to leave when he felt something touch his leg again. He reached down & realized what he’d forgotten,
"Sweet Pea?"
The small dog yipped back at him, licking his hand with a dry cat-like tongue that prompted him to smile. He bent down & picked her up, holding her carefully in his arms.
Running into the dark room, Frank stumbled against Gerard’s back & nearly lost his footing. Gerard could feel Frank’s hot breath against the back of his neck & the heavy grip of his hands pressed against his shoulders -- suddenly it was difficult to think, speak, or move.
Upon catching Frank’s familiar scent, Sweet Pea squirmed & wriggled in Gerard’s arms before attempting to crawl up his shoulder. Arf arf arf, she called out, making her presence known.
"Holy shit,"
Frank said, leaning forward to embrace her -- Gerard still between them,
"I’ve missed you, old girl."
Gerard bit his lip & closed his eyes. Fuck.
After nuzzling her for a bit longer, Frank finally noticed how quiet Gerard was being,
"Are you ok?"
he asked, suddenly concerned.
He felt him nod, still suspiciously silent.
BANG. They all froze, disturbed by the sudden noise. The basement, Frank realized, desperately running back downstairs. Gerard followed after him, hugging Sweet Pea tightly against his chest.
--
He’d forgotten about all of the blood. Hadn’t even thought to question what Frank had been doing down here before, but now... now he knows.
Frank cradled his unconscious lover in his lap, tears spilling from his eyes, struck with a sickening fear. I can’t lose you again.
Setting Sweet Pea onto the ground, Gerard took initiative & pulled the gurney over, lifting the man up onto the bed after making sure he hadn’t suffered a spinal injury. Frank focused his breathing, trying not to panic or vomit. Why can’t I stop crying?
"His airway is clear... breathing normal... pulse steady."
Gerard informed Frank, as he continued looking the stranger over,
"I think he just slipped & hit his head. Should be regaining consciousness soon."
Frank let out a deep, shuddering breath,
"Thank you,"
he choked out before Sweet Pea jumped into his lap.
Frank looked down at her & smiled, grateful to have her back in his life.
"Ugghhhh…. owww…"
the stranger groaned out as he reached for his forehead.
"Bert!"
Frank yelled, swiftly jumping up & striding over to his side,
"Hey, baby, you’re ok. You just hit your head."
The man blinked back at him, furrowing his brow,
"Who… who the fuck are you?"
Frank’s face fell immediately & Gerard wanted nothing more than to reach out & hold his hand. Instead he just stepped closer to him, hoping his presence would be a comfort.
"I’m... your best friend,"
he forced a smile onto his face, eyes still red from crying.
"I don’t… I don’t remember you…"
Bert admitted, analyzing the freshly stitched scars across his arms,
"But I remember the accident."
Gerard glanced at Frank who nodded solemnly before saying,
"That was last year… I… I brought you back today."
Bert bit his lip thoughtfully at that,
"My head really hurts… can we talk about this later?"
"Yeah, of course,"
Frank whispered, reaching out to gently touch Bert’s forehead,
"get some rest."
Bert leaned into his touch before laying back down & closing his eyes.
--
Gerard & Frank sat in the adjoining room, watching Sweet Pea play in a puddle of blood.
Frank was the first to speak,
"You probably have questions, so... shoot."
I could really use a smoke, Gerard thought, running a hand through his hair,
"Did he remember you earlier today?"
"Yeah… it was-- it was like I woke him from a deep sleep. He understood everything clearly… I mean, he sure as shit knew who I was,"
he muttered, recalling how Bert pulled him in for a kiss.
The kiss itself was pretty weird, if he was being honest. Bert’s dry, cold tongue was a new sensation for his mouth, but it was one he wanted to experience for as long as they both roamed the earth.
"You don’t have to answer this, but how did he die? I mean, what kind of accident was it…"
Frank sighed & shook his head, somewhat amused by the memory,
"We were at a costume party & he got in a fight with this dude dressed like a peanut because we were making dumb jokes. So of course they kicked us out &, god… Bert was dancing in the streets for me, wearing this slutty nurse dress &, fuck, he just wasn’t paying attention. There was a construction site around the corner & he ran in front of this fucking machine that was carrying concrete,"
he paused & took a deep breath,
"His death was slow & brutal & I was too scared to run in & help him. Every time I go to sleep, I just relive his death. Watching him cough up blood from under a pile of rubble... He wasn’t even facing me so I couldn’t be of any comfort in his final moments."
Gerard bridged the gap between them, pulling Frank in for a hug. They held each other in silence, keenly aware of their own rapid heartbeats. Fuck , Frank thought, realizing his feelings for Gerard were more complicated than he previously believed. Fuck.
"We should check on Bert,"
he suggested, pulling away tentatively.
Gerard nodded & granted him his space, following after Frank as they turned the corner. Walking over to his bedside, Frank held Bert’s hand & felt his pulse before softly kissing his blood-stained knuckles. We need to get you cleaned up in the morning.
Unbeknownst to them, Bert had been listening in on their conversation about him. All it made him feel was frustrated & confused, I just want to fucking remember. He gritted his teeth & focused on not moving until they left the room again.
What Bert neglected to tell them was that he remembered the afterlife & it wasn’t some kingdom in the clouds or an underworld run by demons. It was just a void of life... Like staring into the sun for all eternity. Stark, raving madness in the face of nothingness. A speck of sentience, lost in space.
--
"I forgot to tell you, but your friend Ray dropped by earlier... He left a present for you upstairs,"
Gerard mentioned as they sat across from each other again.
"Oh… thank you,"
Frank said, glancing at the clock. He opened his mouth to say something, but then changed his mind & let out a sigh.
"Are you ok, Dr. Frankenstein?"
"Oh my god,"
Frank said, blinking back at Gerard,
"That’s… that’s not my name."
"What?"
Gerard uttered, mouth dropping comically.
"Dr. Frankenstein was just a dumb username I came up with for Craigslist. It’s kind of an inside joke between my friend Mary & I."
"What the fuck? What’s your name then?"
"I’m Frank,"
he chuckled, noticing how red Gerard’s face was,
"Frank Iero."
"So, you’re not actually a Doctor?"
"I am! Well, sorta. I’m a Veterinarian,"
he explained, lifting Sweet Pea onto his lap,
"that’s how I met this sweet girl."
Smiling, Gerard shook his head,
"So what’s the inside joke?"
"Oh that’s a real complicated story. Only intellectuals will understand this one. It’s Frank… Einstein."
Gerard sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose,
"Why did I even ask?"
Frank let out a small giggle that made Gerard’s stomach flutter. He’s in love with someone else, remember? The voice in his head reminded him. Yeah, thanks. I totally forgot, you asshole.
"So, um, Gerard. I was wondering if you could stay…"
Frank asked awkwardly, shifting in his seat,
"I mean, I know this was supposed to be your last day, but I could use the help. It’s gonna be hard to keep an eye on Bert & Sweet Pea at the same time & I still don’t fully understand their current condition so… yeah. Can you please stick around?"
"Of course,"
Gerard answered without hesitation. Even if it breaks my heart.
"Thank you, seriously, thank you. I’m gonna go grab something to eat, would you like anything? A coffee?"
"Coffee would be great, thanks."
Frank smiled, setting Sweet Pea back down on the ground,
"Remind me to mop this place tomorrow."
Gerard laughed, nodding in agreement,
"How did you even get so much blood everywhere?"
"A few gallons of pig blood exploded,"
he lamented, pointing at a trashed pile of clothes in the corner,
"ruined my favorite scrubs, too… yeah… anyway, I’ll be back."
Frank ran upstairs, pausing only once he closed the door behind him. God, was I flirting? Shit.
--
Gerard was fully asleep by the time Frank got back &, rather than wake him, he grabbed a blanket & tucked him in. Rounding the corner he found Bert standing against the far wall, naked, & staring at his own reflection.
"Hi,"
Frank said, announcing his presence.
"Hi,"
Bert responded, looking at him through the mirror.
"How are you feeling?"
"Better…"
he trailed off, looking around the room.
"Are you cold? I can get you some clothes,"
Frank offered, not wanting Bert to feel exposed around people he essentially viewed as strangers.
"I don’t really feel cold. Or heat, for that matter… I’m not numb though, I… I can feel & taste everything,"
Bert said suggestively, turning to wink & smirk at him.
Frank gulped -- Yeah, that’s the Bert I know,
"Uhhhh… do you want this coffee?"
"Sure,"
Bert laughed, walking across the room to him.
Frank blushed when their hands touched, vividly recalling the first time they met--
It was the first day of the new semester & Frank arrived late to class, having had difficulty making his way around campus.
"I’m sorry, I couldn’t find this room,"
Frank explained, still slightly out of breath.
"Everyone else here managed to make it on time,"
the Professor remarked, eyeing him with disapproval.
"S-Sorry…"
Frank stammered, embarrassed to be reprimanded in front of his peers,
"Can I still take a seat?"
"No,"
Professor Biggs stated resolutely,
"you’ve been enough of a nuisance. Leave immediately."
"Oh come on,"
a stranger chimed in, standing from his seat,
"let him stay. We weren’t paying attention anyway."
Frank snorted, choking back a laugh. He turned to look at the guy that spoke up on his behalf: he had long black hair, wore fingerless gloves, & donned a shirt that declared “MY PUSSY DEMANDS ATTENTION”.
"You can both leave my class, now,"
Biggs snapped, pointing at the door.
"Yeah, yeah. I’ve got my bags packed & everything,"
he replied nonchalantly, marching over to Frank’s side,
"C’mon, I’ll give you a tour."
The moment they walked outside, they both burst into uncontrollable laughter, eventually collapsing onto the floor together.
"I can’t believe you did that!"
Frank hollered, wiping tears from his eyes.
"That dude is not getting laid. Like at all."
"You’re so right!"
They helped each other stand back up, wiping dirt off their clothes.
"What’s your name, man?"
Frank asked, idly wondering if the guy was single. Or worse, straight.
"Bert McCracken,"
he announced with a formal bow.
"Really? That sounds like a fast food item."
Bert laughed, smacking Frank’s shoulder,
"That’s because I am a fast food item, baby. Just as cheap, but twice as sweet. What’s your name?"
Extending a hand, he answered,
"Frank Iero."
-- Bert stepped back & dropped the coffee mug, looking up to meet Frank’s eyes as he whispered,
"Frank Iero, it’s an honor,"
before kissing the back of his hand.
Time seemed to stop when the words hit Frank. That was their beginning, the start of their life together, & the fact that Bert remembered that… it meant everything. Bert’s brief moment of lucid recognition brought an onslaught of feelings Frank had been trying to bury for the past year.
Every morning where he’d wake up expecting Bert’s body curled against his own. Shopping for groceries & hearing their song blaring through the PA -- prompting him to drop everything & leave. Even hanging out with friends felt tainted in some way -- too familiar, too many memories -- it just felt wrong to be happy or have to pretend like everything was ok.
He moved out of his apartment -- the one he shared with Bert for over a decade -- and moved into his Nonna’s old house. Not too far from the city, but secluded enough that he didn’t have to worry about dealing with other people.
He & Bert had actually talked about living there after Frank’s cousin got married & moved out, but they couldn’t be bothered to pack all of their belongings. They were both sentimental hoarders, after all. Plus Ray was practically next door, how could they move away from their closest friend?
Frank regretted that decision everyday, he wished he would’ve taken the initiative & gotten them both out of there. Bert would be alive if we’d lived here, he thought, twisting & turning in bed one night. His head was heavy with restless, self-deprecating notions & a billion what-if scenarios. We probably wouldn’t have gone to that dumb party. Wouldn’t have stayed out so late or fought with strangers. Wouldn’t have --
"Hey,"
Bert interrupted his thoughts, wiping the tears from Frank’s face.
"Hey,"
Frank repeated, reaching up to hold Bert’s hand in his own.
"Why don’t we lie down,"
he suggested, gesturing toward the gurney.
Frank nodded, following his lead as they slid under the sheets. Neither of them wanted to sleep -- too afraid of what lay in wait behind their eyelids -- but they were happy to curl up against each other, listening to music on Frank’s phone until the sun rose.
When Frank eventually passed out on his shoulder, Bert passed the time admiring his tattoos, his eyelashes, the way he breathed. Even if he didn’t remember much of their past together, he was happy to no longer be alone -- especially in the company of someone so beautiful.
--
Gerard was thoroughly confused when he woke up in unfamiliar surroundings, so much so that his foggy brain almost convinced him he got abducted by aliens. That was until Sweet Pea pawed at his legs & yipped, demanding to be picked up.
After giving Sweet Pea the attention she deserved, Gerard went to check on Bert & was surprised to find Frank sleeping alone on the gurney. Shit, he thought, did Bert run away?
Before the panic could set in, Gerard heard heavy footsteps making their way down the stairs. Bert came into the basement carrying a tray with 3 plates of blueberry pancakes & a pair of roses tucked between his teeth.
Gerard almost let out a gasp at the sight of him, & not just because of the romantic gesture -- Bert was wearing short shorts & absolutely nothing else. Could Gerard really be blamed for admiring the man’s ripped physique?
Setting the tray down, Bert removed the roses from his mouth & offered one to Gerard, smiling brightly.
"I picked it from the garden out back… a gesture of gratitude for, well, everything,"
he said earnestly,
"Oh & the pancakes too, if you’d like some."
"That’s so sweet, thank you…"
Gerard responded, at a loss for words.
Bert shrugged,
"I wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for you two &… it was…"
he trailed off, momentarily zoning out,
"Anyway, what’s your name?"
"Gerard."
Bert shook his hand, suddenly struck by memories that couldn’t possibly be his own--
Gerard sat in the pouring rain, waiting for lightning to strike & end his misery. Or for the bus to arrive -- he’d leave that up to fate. His girlfriend of 2 years, Amara, was offered her dream job in San Francisco & she decided to take it.
Her words repeated in his head, “I can’t pass up this opportunity, Gerard. This is what I’ve been working my ass off for… I’m sorry.” Her kiss goodbye still lingered on his cheek. God.
It wouldn’t have hurt so much if she’d at least invited him to come with her… but she knew he couldn’t afford to leave Jersey. He was already struggling to make ends meet after Dark Horse let him go in June & this was just further proof that the universe fucking hated him.
"I’M GONNA DIE ALONE!"
he stood up & screamed, raising his fists up to the sky. The universe responded by sending a speeding car to splash him with mud water.
With a resigned sigh, Gerard sat back down & watched his transit round the corner. Let’s just go home before this day gets any worse.
-- Bert stared intently at Gerard’s face & seemed to see right through him. Just as he was about to ask if something was wrong, Bert suddenly pulled him in for tight hug & whispered,
"You’re not alone anymore... & neither am I."
Gerard just nodded & leaned into him, trying not to overthink it.
Stirring in bed behind them, Frank yawned & groaned as he cracked his neck, vaguely aware of Gerard & Bert’s presence. He was more interested in the mouth-watering smell to his left,
"Pancakes,"
he gasped, spotting the neatly displayed plates. He turned to look at the guys in amazement, mouth forming a small o.
Bert used to make breakfast for them everyday at their old apartment. Frank would be in the shower, getting ready for work, & come out to find food ready for them in the kitchen. Bert would usually be reading a book around that time & Frank would ask him to recite a paragraph or 2 before rushing out the door.
Losing that routine hurt so much more than he could put into words.
"Thank you…"
Frank whispered, moving his legs to make room for them on the gurney. He patted the space next to him, looking between them expectantly.
Bert smiled & nodded, taking a seat before handing Frank his rose,
"I picked it for you."
Frank held the flower by its stem, rubbing the petals delicately with his thumb. His heart ached, so full of love, when he looked back at Bert. I love you. He leaned forward & kissed him on the cheek, smiling shyly at Bert’s wide grin.
Frank was tempted to do so much more, but instead he grabbed a plate off the table & suggested,
"Let’s eat."
--
"I have a question,"
Gerard said while they attempted to clean the basement.
"Yeah?"
Frank asked, scrubbing the no-longer-white walls. It was a lost cause.
"How did you get Bert’s body? Like… did you dig him out of his grave?"
"Ha! No,"
Frank laughed, throwing his defiled rag back into the water bucket,
"he was supposed to be cremated. I just bribed a guy to sneak his body out for me."
"Oh my god…"
"I mean, it was no big deal... I was supposed to get his ashes anyway,"
Frank shrugged.
Bert pursed his lips, wondering if his family even bothered showing up to the funeral. Probably not, he thought, suddenly overwhelmed by anger. He threw his mop down to the ground & breathed heavily, clenching his fists.
Frank rushed over to his side & whispered,
"Bert, hey, what’s wrong?"
"My family…"
Bert muttered,
"Did they even care that I died?"
Frank’s face fell at that, they never had a great relationship, but when Bert came out to them… they went years without talking. Taking Bert’s hand in his own, Frank spoke carefully,
"You & your parents were on good terms, but… well, they died a few years ago."
Bert hadn’t expected that & he didn’t know how to feel about it now either. It was frustrating to feel like he stepped into another man’s body. There were tattoos on his arms that were unfamiliar to him, stretched across muscles he didn’t remember having, & his reflection looked happy & healthy… like someone that had life figured out.
Bert didn’t feel like that now.
Gerard cleared his throat & summoned up the courage to speak,
"We should go out &, I don’t know, do something together… it might help with your memories… & stuff."
Bert nodded & agreed,
"Ok."
Smiling brightly, Frank wrapped his arms around Bert, nuzzling up against his neck. When he opened his eyes, he met Gerard’s gaze & extended his arm out, silently beckoning for him to join them. Which he did.
--
They decided to venture out into the city, despite Frank’s vehement hatred of it. He knew taking a stroll around the forest wouldn’t unlock any memories for Bert so they settled on visiting the old apartment complex.
Bert wore Frank’s oversized Black Flag hoodie & sat in the back of the car with Sweet Pea in his lap. He didn’t know her in his lifetime -- pets weren’t allowed at the apartment much to Frank’s chagrin -- but her presence soothed him immensely.
Do you remember death like I do? Or were you at peace? He wondered, lifting her up to stare into her cloudy eyes -- eyes which matched his own. She responded by licking his nose.
Frank drove anxiously, singing along to the Misfits in a desperate attempt to distract himself. Gerard would’ve offered to drive, but he didn’t bother renewing his license after it expired a few years ago. That decision was now biting him in the ass since Frank almost swerved into a tree.
After their second incident with a tree, Gerard reached out & steadied Frank’s hand, taking control of the steering wheel.
"My bad,"
Frank said, guiltily.
Gerard decided to leave his hand where it was, otherwise they’d all find themselves in the back of an ambulance -- which wouldn’t end well for any of them, especially Bert & Sweet Pea.
10 minutes later they pulled into the apartment parking lot & filed out, grateful to have made it in one piece (for the most part). Popping the trunk open, Frank held out a small harness, leash, & Misfits sweater for Sweet Pea. Then they were on their way.
Remnants of Halloween littered the ground, making Bert smile. It’d always been his favorite holiday: dressing up in dumb costumes, hanging out with friends, & being wild. Not that he needed an excuse to do any of those things, but it was always a good time. Even the distant memory of his death couldn’t taint it.
Frank led them around the streets, pointing out various sights that were supposed to be familiar, but mostly just blurred together.
"That’s where we kissed for the first time,"
Frank informed them as he pointed at the empty park across the street. He hoped his face wasn’t as flushed as it felt.
Bert looked between him & the playground & smiled,
"Let’s go check it out then."
They ran across the street & claimed the swingset, tying Sweet Pea’s leash to one of the posts. They all swung at the same time, laughing as they flailed their legs out wildly before them. The chains groaned at their weight, but felt sturdy enough to keep going.
Frank swung so fast that he flew out of his seat & landed face-first into the grass.
"Oh shit,"
he chuckled, rubbing his face.
"Are you ok?"
Gerard asked, offering him a hand.
Frank nodded & took hold of his hand before pulling Gerard down to the ground with him.
"You’re a dick,"
Gerard complained lightheartedly, giggling as he noticed the grass stuck to Frank’s face.
"Yeah, you should know that by now,"
Frank teased with a wink.
Bert watched them with amusement; he recognized the way they looked at each other -- an intimate, unspoken fondness which felt second nature for them. Bert’s love, from what he could remember, was of the vocal variety.
"Got room for one more?"
he asked, standing above them.
"Always,"
Frank answered, patting the ground next to him.
As they watched the clouds, Bert unburdened himself & opened up about his memories of the afterlife. How meaningless & hollow it all felt. How it reaffirmed his desire to live.
"This…"
he said, gesturing between them & their surroundings,
"this is everything."
--
Frank & Gerard wouldn’t admit it, but Bert’s words weighed down on them long after they left the park. Neither of them were particularly religious, but the idea of heaven had always been appealing -- like an eternal vacation where all of your worries vanished. Those rose-tinted glasses were now shattered.
Gerard found himself falling down a rabbit-hole of self-doubt, Am I wasting my life? Fuck, I’m a goddamn stereotype, the starving artist that can’t keep a job or tell people how I really feel… & now suicide’s not even a good option.
When he glanced at Bert, the guilt hit him. What am I doing? I can’t feel too sorry for myself after what he’s been through… I’m 32… I’ve got time to figure this shit out.
Frank was more concerned about his loved ones… all of his friends & relatives who passed away. There was no paradise for them. Maybe Bert was actually in purgatory, he thought hopefully. His thoughts countered, For an entire year? Yeah, maybe, it’s not like we know, he argued back. What’s the alternative? There’s a heaven & Bert didn’t get an invite? Or worse, he did, but he lost those memories when you brought him back. That thought hurt the most.
"This looks familiar,"
Bert announced, drawing their attention to a corner store.
Frank snorted when he saw the sign,
"You would remember that."
"What?"
"You were obsessed with their vending machines, specifically the dumb little chicken keychains that hatched eggs when you squeezed ‘em."
Bert gasped, amazed by the mere concept,
"I want one."
"You already have like 20 of ‘em at home,"
Frank complained, knowing full well he’d lose this argument like always.
"Now I get to experience it again for the first time,"
Bert argued, already opening the door.
"Wait, I want one too,"
Gerard chimed in, following after him.
"Alright, alright,"
Frank conceded, slipping Sweet Pea inside the front of his jacket so they wouldn’t get kicked out.
The vending machine was exactly like Frank remembered it & Bert was just as excited about it.
"I want that one,"
Bert said, pointing at one near the top which he definitely wouldn’t get anytime soon.
"This one has 3 eyes,"
Gerard observed, face pressed against the glass.
"Do you guys even have quarters?"
Frank asked, knowing full well they didn’t.
"No, but this is part of my therapy so…"
Bert said, extending his hand.
Frank laughed & handed his wallet over. The look on their faces was totally worth it.
--
As they made their way back to the parking lot -- chicken toys in hand -- a voice called out Frank’s name, stopping them dead in their tracks.
He slowly turned around to find Ray waving & rushing to catch up with them. He had his hair tied back, wore sweats, & carried a bag of groceries. It’d been a while since they’d actually seen each other in person. I’m not ready for this.
"Frank! Hey! It’s so good to see you,"
he smiled, adjusting the bags in his arms,
"Oh & Gerard, hey..."
his voice trailed off when he noticed the other members of their party.
"Ray, hey,"
Frank said, reaching out to touch his shoulder,
"Why don’t we go talk somewhere."
Ray nodded silently, looking bewildered & nervous,
"Actually can we go talk at my place, I gotta get these in the fridge."
"Sure,"
Frank agreed, looking back at the others for confirmation,
"Thanks for the present by the way… it was perfect."
Ray shrugged, smiling shyly back at him,
"Of course, man. I’ve missed you."
"I’ve missed you too."
Rounding the corner, they arrived at Ray’s quaint, 2-story brick home. He unlocked the door & invited them in, waiting for everyone to walk in ahead of him.
"You can clear that stuff off the couch, sorry, I would’ve cleaned…"
he said awkwardly, unloading his bags before taking a seat across from them.
Frank looked around the room & instantly felt at home, it was a bit different -- more framed photographs on the walls & books on the shelves -- but it felt like an extension of Ray.
"How’s your wife,"
Frank asked, embarrassed that he’d neglected to ask for so long.
"She’s great,"
he answered earnestly, eyes gleaming with joy,
"We’re… we’re trying for a baby."
"Oh my god, dude, that’s great,"
Frank cheered as the other guys smiled.
"Yeah… I’m-I’m nervous, but we’re ready."
"You’re gonna be an amazing dad, man. I can totally see a little Toro running around here."
Ray laughed, visibly easing up,
"Thanks man, I wanted to ask you yesterday, but well… anyway… do you wanna be the godfather? You know we’re not religious or anything, but my Mom wants us to have a baptism, so yeah."
Frank’s jaw dropped as he nodded profusely, eyes welling up,
"It’d be a fucking honor."
"Great,"
Ray beamed back at him,
"It won’t be for a long time, but yeah. You know you’re family & I want you to be involved in their life."
Frank stood quickly & jumped across the table, tackling Ray in a bear hug,
"RAY TORO I LOVE YOU SO MUCH."
"Your love hurts,"
Ray whined jokingly, ruffling Frank’s hair.
After hugging for a few more minutes, Frank finally broke away, addressing the elephant in the room. Two elephants, actually.
"Ok, so as I’m sure you’ve noticed, Bert & Sweet Pea are… alive again,"
he said, waving at them. Bert lifted Sweet Pea’s paw & waved back.
Ray nodded, still shocked by their presence,
"I didn’t think you’d ever actually do it,"
he admitted, recalling the last time they spoke on the phone,
"You didn’t sell your soul, did you?"
"No! But… I probably would’ve tried eventually,"
he laughed awkwardly. Everyone knew he was serious.
"God, I’m sorry Bert, I’ve been looking at you like a ghost & I haven’t even asked how you’re doing,"
Ray said apologetically.
"I’m doing good,"
Bert answered honestly,
"I just… don’t remember you. Or Frank."
"Yeah, shit, I shoulda told you,"
Frank chimed in,
"Bert hit his head & now his memories are kinda fucked up."
"Shit…"
Ray uttered, looking at him with concern.
"He’ll remember everything eventually,"
Frank stated resolutely. The alternative was too heartbreaking to consider.
"Sweet Pea still remembers you though!"
"Really?"
Ray asked before crossing the room to pet her,
"Hey girl, I’ve missed you."
Sweet Pea stood on her hind legs & nudged his arms, demanding to be held.
"Also, hi Gerard! Sorry we’ve been leaving you out of the conversation. Did you get to do anything fun yesterday?"
Ray asked, sincerely.
Gerard chuckled, glancing between Bert & Sweet Pea before shrugging,
"Oh, the usual, you know... raised the dead."
--
After spending a few hours at Ray’s place wherein they dined, listened to music, & made future plans -- the 4 of them headed home to rest. It wasn’t until they reached Frank’s house that Gerard remembered he didn’t actually live with them. In fact, his apartment was closer to Ray’s place than theirs.
"Shit,"
Frank said apologetically,
"I’m so sorry, Gerard. It honestly slipped my mind, but you can stay the night! Or I can drop you off, whichever you prefer."
"It’s ok,"
Gerard laughed,
"I kinda forgot too… anyway I don’t wanna be a bother, I can stay the night."
"Yeah?"
"Yeah, it’s cool,"
he shrugged,
"I appreciate the company."
Frank smiled, pulling him in for a hug,
"You’re always welcome here."
While Bert & Gerard watched Netflix together in the living room, Frank went upstairs to take a shower. He still had traces of pig blood on his skin & it’d been bothering him since yesterday. I feel fuckin’ gross.
Downstairs, Gerard’s phone rang suddenly, pulling him out of the movie. He was going to ignore it until he glanced at the screen & saw Mikey’s name, oh shit.
"I gotta take this,"
he whispered to Bert before heading for the kitchen & answering,
"Hey, what’s up?"
"What’s up?"
Mikey repeated incredulously,
"You said you’d come over today since you had work yesterday."
"Fuck, Mikes, I’m sorry. I got caught up in something…"
he explained vaguely.
"Really,"
Mikey prodded, unsatisfied with his excuse.
"Yeah… work stuff… sorta,"
Gerard finished lamely, scratching the back of his head.
"You said yesterday was your last day."
"It was! Until stuff happened & Frank asked me to stay… so yeah."
"Frank, huh?"
Mikey teased, reading between the lines,
"Thought you hated that guy."
Gerard blushed,
"Umm… no. He was kind of an asshole, but... it’s complicated."
"Sounds like it,"
Mikey laughed,
"Anyway, you still coming by later? Or do you want me to drop by your place."
"Oh, can we reschedule? I’m busy… with stuff."
"Sure, Geraaard. Let me know when you have time. OH & HAVE FUN!"
Mikey shouted before hanging up.
Gerard snuck back into the living room hoping Bert didn’t overhear any part of their conversation.
"Hi,"
he whispered, reclaiming his seat.
"Hi,"
Bert replied, smirking.
"You heard that didn’t you?"
"Yeah,"
he laughed,
"I paused the movie for you. Also your phone is loud."
"Ugh,"
Gerard groaned, concealing his face.
"Hey,"
Bert whispered, reaching out to touch his shoulder,
"This is all there is, remember?"
Gerard peered at him from between his fingers, unsure of what he meant by that.
Bert sighed, amused by Gerard’s confusion,
"You have to take risks, otherwise life will pass you by."
--
When Frank returned, Bert & Gerard were deep in conversation; he smiled, watching them from the doorframe.
"I think I want to write a book,"
Bert confessed, glancing up at Frank,
"I’ll title it My Time In The Void & write under a pen name."
"I would read the fuck out of that,"
Frank said honestly, squeezing in between them on the couch.
"I would too,"
Gerard agreed, suddenly struck with inspiration,
"Actually, what if it was a graphic novel? I’d love to draw for it."
Bert gasped, looking back at him in awe,
"That would be amazing. I saw so much out there… the universe is teeming with life. Stuff that human eyes couldn’t ever perceive. Colors that don’t even exist here."
"Are you saying… that aliens exist?"
Frank asked, jaw dropping,
"I fucking knew it! Oh man, I gotta tell Hambone."
Gerard laughed, equally astonished by that knowledge,
"Did you see any spaceships?"
"So many… Actually, sometimes I'd just watch aliens through their windows &, not gonna lie, some of them were pretty sexy,"
Bert informed them, causing Frank to sputter.
"Sexy aliens… this book is gonna be amazing,"
Gerard said, itching to get his hands on a pencil.
"It’s really weird to get horny when you don’t have a body."
"Oh my god,"
Frank & Gerard said in unison.
"LOOK I HAVE TO TALK ABOUT IT. I’ve had blue balls for a year now,"
Bert bemoaned,
"You’re lucky I’m not touching myself right now."
"I wouldn’t call that lucky,"
Gerard muttered before slapping a hand over his mouth,
"...I didn’t mean to say that out loud."
Frank & Bert laughed, glancing at each other for reassurance. Are you ok with this? Bert asked silently. Fuck yes, Frank thought back.
"No, please continue Gerard,"
Bert teased, squeezing Frank’s thigh.
Gerard mumbled, feeling increasingly flustered,
"I, uh… ha ha… sorry."
"Why?"
Frank asked, meeting his eyes,
"There’s nothing to be ashamed of."
Gerard gulped, recalling Bert’s words. You have to take risks. He leaned forward & pulled Frank in for a languid kiss, running a thumb along his cheek.
When they broke apart, Frank turned to look at Bert who smiled warmly before tugging him by the shirt & kissing him passionately--
2005: They’re kissing in Frank’s car before class. I love you, Frank thinks for the first time. Bert looks at him like he can read his mind & smiles.
2008: Bert kisses Frank at a concert after the lead singer talked about supporting gay marriage. The crowd cheers & surges around them.
2011: They’re on vacation -- swimming at an unnamed beach in Mexico -- & Frank tugs Bert under the water so they can kiss. Bert gropes him through his swim trunks before coming up for air.
2014: Bert takes a break from work & finds Frank waiting by his car, smoking a cigarette. He snatches the smoke away before replacing it with his mouth. Frank laughs, snatching the toque from his head before running away.
2017: Frank comes home after a difficult day at work & sobs against Bert’s shoulder. Bert presses gentle kisses into Frank’s hair while he talks about an abused dog they couldn’t save. His kisses always helped.
2020:
-- Bert jolted back suddenly, overwhelmed by his senses as a wave of memories swept him up. He couldn’t help the stream of tears that followed.
"What’s wrong?"
Frank asked, reaching over to wipe the tears from his cheek.
Bert lunged forward for another prolonged kiss before responding,
"I love you Frank Iero. Now, forever, & always... How could I forget?"
Frank understood exactly what he meant & melted into his eyes, his touch, his kiss.
--
When Frank, Bert, & Gerard woke up the following morning they couldn't keep their hands off each other. Bert tried making pancakes, but Frank & Gerard kept kissing him to the point that he had to step back from the stove.
"I’m gonna catch fire if you keep this up,"
Bert chided, giving them small pecks before resuming his position.
"Guess you shoulda made toast,"
Frank teased, winking at Gerard before he slid a cold hand into the front of Bert’s shorts.
"FRANK!"
Bert shouted, struggling to flip a pancake.
Gerard laughed, following suit by groping his ass with even colder hands.
"Jesus christ, get your icy paws off me! Both of you!"
They giggled, heeding his demands & rushing to wash their hands before the food got served.
3 pancakes in -- Frank spoke between bites, sharing his plans with the others,
"I have like 2 more weeks before I have to go back to work at the Hospital & I’ve been… thinking."
"Spill,"
Bert narrowed his eyes, all too familiar with that tone.
"Well, you know, you’re immortal now… but we’re not… so,"
he turned to look at Gerard before continuing,
"I wanna try & figure out how to make us immortal too… if that’s ok."
Gerard gulped down his food before responding,
"Uhhh…"
"Look, it’s cool if you don’t want that… I know we’ve kinda rushed into things here. But… if this is all there is, then why do we have to give it up?"
Frank stated, setting his fork down.
"I actually agree,"
Bert shrugged, leaning back in his chair,
"If I’d been out there long enough my conscience probably would’ve dissipated into oblivion... I don’t want to ever feel like that again. & I sure as shit don’t want either of you to experience it either."
Gerard took a deep breath before answering,
"Ok, yeah, fuck... I’m in."
"Yeah?"
Frank asked incredulously.
"Yes!"
Gerard shouted enthusiastically, prompting Sweet Pea to howl.
"It’s settled then,"
Frank announced, clapping his hands together,
"We’re gonna find the key to eternal life."
--
FLICKR PICS OF THE GUYS:
+ a younger Frank wearing scrubs!! I would trust him with my pets:
P.s. I’m sorry for neglecting Mikey in this fic, just know he had a wild Halloween that involved ghost hunting. Also, if this fic had a theme song it would be I Caught Fire by The Used.
Thanks for reading, xo