Chapter 1: a star in the night sky
Notes:
fill for this prompt:
“Your take on what happened during the 13 years jamie and dani were together.”
ft. a little angst but also cheesy christmas presents
Chapter Text
It’s funny how the ache in her bones, the pull in her muscles, never seems to go away. When she was younger, she’d always thought of love as something that was finite—expiration date on the horizon, creeping closer with every kiss and touch. Something you grow out of rather than old with.
But it’s a different kind of ache with Dani. A pull forward but not away. Not into the empty future or the lonely present, but into Dani’s warmth and her arms and her acceptance.
Two years and here they are.
It’s more than she could have ever known to ask for.
The first morning in their new apartment—the one they found together—Jamie wakes up to the rosy pink light coming through the uncurtained windows. The only blanket they’d managed to find is loose and messy on top of her body and she sighs. Stretches her arms and legs out. That ache is there—that pull—but there’s another ache, also. A different kind.
Sore muscles. Overworked. Tender from strain or else Dani’s tight grip, her nails digging in.
She stares up at the ceiling for a moment, letting the memories of the night before wash over her. There are boxes stacked around them in precarious towers, and she eyes them fondly—looks at DANI BOOKS and SHEETS JAMIE; their names written in thick marker on the cardboard, labeling the things they’ve brought with them. But there’s something to seeing them mixed together as they are.
Dani’s things with her things and so on and so forth.
When she turns her head, Dani is there, sleeping peacefully. It’s funny how someone who spends her days frantic with a thousand different emotions for every situation can be so still. Her hair is an absolute mess, tangled and ruffled from Jamie’s hands and the friction of the mattress. Her lips are dark pink, kiss-bruised, and there’s a love bite right beneath her collarbone.
Jamie looks her over. Smiles. Takes a deep breath as her heart and stomach do this...thing.
She wants to pull Dani closer, kiss her awake, because she misses hearing her talk, laugh, seeing her smile. And love isn’t just that pull, it’s longing for the person lying in bed beside you just because she isn’t awake yet.
So she settles for carefully scooting closer and kissing the crown of Dani’s head.
A little later, Dani will wake up and hum a good morning and run her fingers through her hair in an attempt to flatten it and Jamie will be too smitten to do anything but grin.
Another day, she thinks.
And how lucky she is for it.
.
“It really isn’t hurting that bad.”
Jamie unlocks the door to their apartment and steps inside, leaving Dani to close it behind them. She doesn’t answer.
“I mean...three stitches isn’t too terrible, right?”
Their half-made dinner is lying out on the counter still, a pot of water on the stove. Jamie takes it off and dumps it in the sink, then begins cleaning up the rest of it all.
“I can still do things at the shop.” Dani comes over and stands on the other side of the island. “I’m fine.”
Jamie turns away from her, taking a cutting board of a mostly-chopped or else bloodily diced onion to the garbage bin. She tosses it out and feels it as Dani steps closer.
“Are you really trying to give me the cold shoulder?”
Finally, Jamie turns and, throwing the cutting board down on the counter, looks up to meet Dani’s eyes. “Yes,” she says, “I am. I’m angry with you, Dani. Witness me being angry.”
She puts her hands on her hips and an image of her mother in the exact same pose—back before she’d left them—comes immediately to mind. Her arms drop back to her sides.
“It was an accident,” Dani defends. “And a little one at that. The doctor said there shouldn’t be any nerve or muscle damage.”
Jamie’s jaw drops open a little in surprise. “As if that makes it all better!” she says, a petulant twinge in her voice. “You might have been seriously hurt.”
“But I wasn’t.” She’s not yelling—no never—but she’s taken on the same tone she used to use with Miles and Flora when they wouldn’t listen. Jamie resists the urge to shrink under it. “I’m fine.”
“That’s not the point,” Jamie says firmly, eyes wild with agitation. “The point is that you weren’t be careful and you hurt yourself and you don’t even care—”
“It was an accident. It’s not like I meant to do it. Look.” She holds up her left hand to show off her heavily bandaged thumb and forefinger as she wiggles them a little. “It’s not even that big a deal.”
Beneath all that wrapping, Jamie knows that the stitches are there holding together the skin that was sliced apart by the knife Dani was using earlier. Jamie had been on pasta duty and was focused on that when she heard Dani’s quiet, “Oh,” followed by the dropping of the knife and—a little more frantically— a louder, “Crap.”
When she’d turned, all she’d seen was the cutting board covered in bright red droplets and Dani pressing paper towels to her hands over the sink. There’d been a lot of blood and Jamie has never been good with blood so, yes. Fine. Maybe she’d overreacted, but after two hours in the emergency room waiting around for someone to sew her girlfriend back together, that reaction still seems justified.
Dani smiles, trying to make the mood a little lighter, but there is still a sharp edge of panic in Jamie’s chest that hasn’t gone away and it’s making it a little hard to breathe.
“I really don’t know why you’re making this such a big deal,” Dani says, and she doesn’t mean it to come out the way it does—like Jamie is being ridiculous for caring—but it stings all the same.
And that’s when Jamie starts crying.
Really crying. Loud sobs and hot tears and her face buried in her hands as she leans back against the counter and tries to catch her breath.
Almost immediately, there are arms around her, pulling her into a tight embrace, rocking her back and forth.
“Oh, Jamie,” Dani whispers against Jamie’s hair. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I-I didn’t mean to...God, I’m such a jerk.”
She presses a kiss to Jamie’s forehead and Jamie wraps her arms around her stomach, curling into Dani’s chest. “No, you’re right. I’m being silly,” she says, her voice cracking a little. “I just...When I saw ya’ standing there like that...and all that blood, I just—I just can’t help imagining what might have happened if it were worse. If…”
In all the time they’ve been together, they haven’t discussed what happened at Bly more than strictly necessary. Those concerns that plagued their every moment at the beginning have fallen to the wayside as they’ve built their life together. But Jamie remembers it—remembers Dani’s worry over how many days they’ll have—and now she can hardly think of anything else.
The next few minutes are filled with Dani’s quiet shushing. Saying, “I’m here,” and, “It’s okay,” while Jamie tries to calm down.
“I’m sorry I’m such a full-time job,” Dani says. “I can’t even...make dinner with you without grievously wounding myself.”
Jamie chuckles wetly against the fabric of Dani’s sweater. “No, you can’t, can you?” she whispers back. “Not sure how you ever got around without me, Poppins.” This gets her a full-on laugh and she grins at the sound, wishing she could hear it forever.
“Me neither,” Dani says. “But you’re here now, right? And so am I. And I’m okay. Temporarily a little less ambidextrous maybe. But okay.”
“You’re a bit of an idiot,” Jamie says without a hint of malice.
“But I’m your idiot,” Dani says and Jamie pulls back enough to tug her in for a kiss.
Dani cups a hand behind Jamie’s neck and deepens it, and Jamie can taste the salt of her own tears, but she just keeps kissing her back.
“I love you,” Dani whispers, pressing the words into Jamie’s lips like she’s trying to make them stay.
Jamie sighs. Kisses Dani again. “I love you, too.”
She’s alive. They both are. And that’s enough, isn’t it?
____________
And it is. It’s enough for so long.
Four years in, Dani kisses her awake on Christmas morning saying, “Come on, I wanna give you your presents,” and Jamie is still half-asleep as she’s dragged to their Christmas tree in the living room. It’s a necklace with a lock on it—the kind they’d seen at a shop a few months back and laughed about for hours after, wondering why any man would think it was a good present for a woman. Dani has the one with the key on it and Jamie kisses her as they laugh, sliding her arms around Dani’s waist and practically pushing her onto the rug.
And then there is that golden afternoon with that silly plant Dani brings home a year later. The Claddagh ring and Dani holding her in a vise grip that Jamie won’t understand until much, much later.
After the proposal—after she says yes, that’s enough, yes yes—and she’s wearing her ring, Dani hovers over her in their bed, looking down at Jamie, one arm pressed to the mattress beside her head, the other hand slipping between her legs. Jamie presses her palms to Dani’s bare shoulder blades and sighs, and Dani smiles, her eyes catching the light of the sun peeking through their curtains.
“I love you,” Jamie tells her, pressing her knees to either side of Dani’s hips. “God, I love you so much.”
And Dani stops smiling. The sun leaves her eyes. In its place are tears. One of them slips free and drips down to land on Jamie’s sternum as Dani leans in and presses her face into Jamie’s neck.
Kisses the skin there. Silently sobbing. Her hand still moving a little.
“Dani,” Jamie whispers, clutching her tighter. “What’s wrong? What’s going on?”
After a moment, Dani pulls herself back up and presses their foreheads together, still crying. Jamie cups her face, rubbing the tears away with her thumbs and kissing Dani’s nose, her eyebrow, her chin. Anywhere she can reach.
And she knows the answer. Knows what it is. Feels it too.
That fear. That terror at the thought of losing one another. It’s ever-present, no matter how good Jamie has gotten at talking around it. It’s still there, and she watches as the what-ifs play in Dani’s eyes.
But Dani doesn’t say that exactly. Not at all, really.
She says: “I’m just really...really happy.”
Jamie doesn’t poke. She doesn’t prod. She just smiles, says, “I am, too,” and kisses Dani again and again.
____________
But time moves ever on. It nips at their heels whenever they try to linger, pushing them ever forward.
It goes and goes and with it goes Jamie.
Things are good. They aren’t simple, but they are good.
Dani takes up her every moment, everywhere at once, larger than life with a smile like a sonnet and lips that write love letters everytime they find Jamie’s.
There are photographs around their apartment of the places they’ve gone. New York and California and Paris and Spain. Arms around one another. Grinning with the blue sky spinning over their heads.
Dani is still Dani. She is Jamie’s best friend, her partner, her wife.
They have date nights once a week, so regularly that the staff at all the local restaurants know them by name. Other days, they live domestically. Do laundry together. Cook together. Go to the movies. There are still so many weekends spent in bed, too.
But it slips. More and more each day. If she is Dani one moment, she is her Other the next. And there is still some of Dani inside her Other when this happens, yes, but it is dark and hidden, nothing but the echo of that light.
And yet—
Her smile is still a star in the night sky.
And it stays. At dinners, at New Year’s Party’s, on plane rides and train rides and everywhere they go. Dani here and Dani there and nine years before she cannot ignore the ache, the slice.
Cuts deeper each time. No avoiding it, she thinks. Not in the end.
But it is not the end.
Not yet.
Jamie wakes up in their bed a decade into loving Dani and she is not alone. Dani is lying beside her, hair mussed by fingers and friction. Love bites down her neck. Smiling in her sleep with eyelashes fluttering.
She isn’t surprised anymore by the devotion that runs through her veins, the same devotion that has gripped her all this time.
Dani will wake up soon, like she has every day so far, and there will be morning-breath kisses and breakfast plans scrapped in favor of staying in bed. They will say I love you on the same breath, at the same moment, and laugh at their timing, touching and knowing and remembering and it will be enough.
They will have that moment.
And there is still time for a hundred more like it.
...
Chapter 2: all in
Notes:
fill for this prompt:
“I’d love to see one where Jamie acts a little jealous of Dani’s past relationship with Eddie which leads to a big conversation about how Dani was never into him ‘like that’ but she tried because heteronormativity.”
ft. a mildly jealous but v understanding Jamie.
Chapter Text
It doesn’t seem right, how heavy the frame is in her hand. It should be lighter, somehow. But instead, it weighs heavily on her wrist, makes the muscles ache from the strain of it. Jamie wonders if it has nothing to do with the picture’s physical state at all, and all to do with how absolutely fucking devastating and important it is.
And it’s early, still. Not even 8 o’clock, really, and Dani is in the kitchen ruining two mugs of tea for them both while Jamie starts on some of the boxes that make up the maze they’ve been stumbling through for the last week—since they signed the year-long lease on the studio apartment above the shop.
There hadn’t been any rhyme or reason to picking this box. It was just the nearest one, on the top of the pile by their new mattress. And now she’s sort of wishing she’d picked another.
It’s one of the ones Dani’s mother sent from home—full of things from Dani’s old apartment that she’d left behind when she moved to England—and, really, it’s Dani’s job to be going through this.
Jamie really should have saved herself the effort.
The frame is covered in dust. Jamie runs her thumb along the glass and reveals Dani’s smiling face first, and then Edmund’s. He looks different than how Jamie has been picturing him since she first learned of his existence.
Dani was so torn up, so ashamed about the whole thing—with the added bonus of seeing him around every goddamn corner—that Jamie hadn’t been expecting him to have such kind eyes. Happy and bright behind his glasses. Messy hair and a turtleneck as he and Dani sit on the grass of what looks like a university quad. One of his arms is slung around Dani’s shoulders, pulling her close, and she clutches him just as tightly, that same brilliant gladness reflected in her own expression as in his.
“Okay, I only did two minutes this time, so maybe it won’t taste as burnt,” Dani says as she weaves her way over, two steaming mugs held in her hands. She offers one to Jamie, who finally looks up from the photo to take it.
“I’ll be the judge of that,” she teases, speaking past that sharp wedge of something that’s in her lungs. When she blinks, the happy white of Edmund’s smile flashes in the darkness behind her eyelids.
Dani glances down at the photograph and they’re so close—their arms brushing—that Jamie can feel it when everything inside of Dani stops. Her breathing changes.
Jamie winces and sets the photo back in the box with Dani’s old yearbooks and records. “I’m sorry,” she says softly. “Your mom sent it.”
She can see the way Dani’s throat bobs as she swallows, then shakes her head. “No, it’s okay,” she says. “You’d think I’d be better at this by now.”
Jamie shakes her head. “Hey, it’s okay. You don’t have to be. Things like these don’t get a quick fix, no matter how much we want one.”
Dani nods, breathing in shakily, and sets her mug down on the nearest tower of boxes so she can rub her face with her hands. Jamie sets her own mug down and wraps her hands around Dani’s upper arms, rubbing the smooth skin revealed by the tank top she’s wearing.
“You look happy in it,” Jamie says, and she hopes like hell that whatever bitter twinge might be in her voice goes unnoticed.
She knows what that emotion is, digging its claws into her veins, and she tries to blink it away. Even though she’s solved the mystery of Dani’s difficult romantic history, it takes a lot of willpower to look emotionless and steady. The last thing she wants is to take over Dani’s necessary grief and turn it sour by her own unmitigated envy.
Because there’s nothing to be jealous of. Not really. Edmund was someone Dani grew up with, was friends with, and loved in her own right. And now he’s gone and it isn’t as if it’s not possible to love again after something like that.
She spent the night before with Dani’s mouth against her neck, hand between her legs, and she has for the past three weeks—since they left Bly—and so there’s nothing to envy or long for. She has it already.
But, as she has every time he’s come up in the conversation, the reminder that Dani was once engaged to someone else—something that Jamie can never really give her—has left her feeling unbalanced and more than a little unsure.
“We were,” Dani whispers, leaning her forehead against Jamie’s, her eyes closed.
“I’m so sorry, Dani,” Jamie says, just as softly. “I didn’t mean to...I know you loved him. Love him, maybe. I didn’t want to upset you.”
With her arms wrapped tightly around the other woman, Jamie looks out at the window behind her, out to the bright-sky morning, and the clouds scattered across it. The studio is bathed in clear, white light, plants Jamie’s collected on their slow journey to America displayed on the counter by the stove, hung from a hook in the ceiling, gathering light and shifting and swaying as the oscillating fan in the kitchen clicks back and forth, waving cool air over Jamie’s suddenly-fevered skin.
Dani pulls away, reaches out for the picture and pulls it back out of the box. Looks down at it. Wistfully. Guiltily. She runs her finger—the pale tip of her forefinger, her rounded and trimmed nail—across where Jamie knows is Edmund’s face. They’re still pressed together, and Jamie can feel the warm and soft heat of Dani against her; can smell the floral shampoo she bought at that supermarket in Maine two weeks back on her hair. It’s in Jamie’s hair, too, she knows, but there is something to the clean scent of Dani’s skin. Jamie remembers the taste of it on her tongue and, for a moment, entertains the idea of leaning forward and kissing Dani right there, in the curve of her neck.
“I did love him,” says Dani. Jamie tilts her head, trying to get a look at the picture again. Her eyes trace the handsome lines of Edmund’s face with a guilty twist in her stomach. “Not the way he wanted me too. But...love all the same.”
Jamie isn’t sure what she’s supposed to say to that. She settles on, “Oh.”
Dani looks up at her, eyes filled with tears that Jamie knows won’t fall. Not right now. “But he was my best friend and I thought—” She swallows, shakes her head, and fixes her eyes on a point over Jamie’s shoulder. “I thought that there was something wrong with me. That I would...grow into feeling…that way about him. Loving him the right way.”
Jamie frowns, taking in Dani’s expression. Reaching up, she cups Dani’s jaw and Dani leans into the touch. And Dani meets her eyes—oh, there it is, there’s her girl—and her expression is so much softer than it was just seconds before.
“But...I didn’t,” she admits. “As happy as I was when we were around each other, when were...being best friends...it doesn’t even begin to compare to how I feel when I’m with you.”
She says this and Jamie’s eyes feel hot and itchy, so she blinks. Swallows. Tries to think of a good response to that but—Dani pulls back a little and kisses her forehead. She can hear the frame drop back into the box, but she can’t see it because she’s too busy fisting the material of Dani’s tank top in her hands and pulling her closer.
“And maybe I should feel...guilty about that,” Dani says next, her lips moving against Jamie’s skin where they’re still pressed. “But it’s hard to feel anything but crazy about you these days.”
She shifts a little and Jamie pulls back just long enough to lean in and press a hard kiss to Dani’s surprised, pursed lips.
And, the thing is—
There’s no hesitation. Dani’s hands grip at Jamie’s hips, pulling her in and making Jamie’s heart feel like it’s been turned inside out—like there is nothing beyond the two of them—right now, right here, for as long as they can be which is—
“I’m pretty crazy about you too, Poppins,” Jamie whispers against the line of Dani’s laugh. And then she kisses her again and Dani kisses her back and—
They lose a good portion of the morning after that, tangled up on their mattress together, reassuring one another with each touch, each kiss, each sigh, that they’re both here. All in.
In the end, the photograph goes in a different box—a shoe box, at the back of the closet in their bedroom. Not forgotten, no, but secured and remembered.
Jamie can live with that. As it turns out—with Dani around—she can live with a lot of things.
...
Chapter 3: there’s time enough for now
Notes:
fill for this prompt:
“Omg write about what happened after Jamie found Flora and Dani at the lake. Just pure softness an fluf, Jamie tucking Dani in.”
ft. fluff at the end i promise but there has to be some sadness i’m so sorry
Chapter Text
The entire night is a blur of quiet terror, the squeezing of cold fingers around her throat, the chill of the water. But when it’s over—when she’s standing up to her knees in the cold lake, Flora in her arms, Jamie wrapped around them both—Dani still feels like she can’t breathe.
Hannah is gone and Miles is himself and Henry is there—finally, finally. And Dani has no idea how much time has passed since she walked into Flora’s bedroom and saw a woman who was supposed to be dead sitting on the little girl’s bed, but there’s cold sweat on her neck and face and chest.
No one is sure what to do.
Dani sets Flora down on dry ground and Flora runs off, wrapping her arms around her uncle with Miles, and nothing makes sense. None of it. Dani can’t think clearly.
Jamie turns to her immediately. “Are you okay?” she asks, her voice low and panicked. She jolts forward and skims her hands up Dani’s side, cupping her face, looking for injuries or changes or anything that’s off. Dani shakes her head, both in answer and in an attempt to put a semi-normal amount of space between them again.
There’s nothing she wants more than to fall into Jamie’s arms and stay there, but she can’t. Not right now. Not with Owen running off and calling out for Hannah, not with the children crying and being held in the arms of the only blood relative they have left.
She can’t let it be about her right now. It isn’t about her right now.
“I’m fine,” she says. “I’m okay.”
She tries to sound as sure as she can manage, but she truly doesn’t know how. For all she knows, she could be seconds away from collapsing—from being dragged back into that lake and under the water.
Owen’s yelling is reaching a fever-pitch. Jamie stares after his form, retreating into the fog of the night, and Dani grabs her hand to start pulling her after him. To find Hannah.
They search for hours, for what feels like years, really. Dreaming up the worst case scenarios that they can manage and they’re still not prepared for the moment they actually find her.
Down at the bottom of that well.
Owen collapses to his knees and Dani falls with him, wrapping her arms around him. She’s trying her damndest to keep him together—to keep everyone together—because she’s not sure how much she can manage that for herself.
Jamie has spent the entire time walking beside Dani, a fierce expression on her face that only falters in that moment. It’s been to keep Dani feeling safe. To make sure that she knew that if anything were to happen again, Jamie wouldn’t hesitate to end the person at fault.
But now, her straight spine slumps and she kneels beside Dani, touching Owen on the shoulder. She’s crying, her shoulders shaking silently. Dani presses her face into Jamie’s coat and lets herself sob.
________
There are things to be done. Henry has to call the local police, get a team out there to pull Hannah out, and the children are exhausted. They fall asleep on the couch in the sitting room together, and Owen eventually joins them in a restless slumber, his head lolling on the back of the armchair he’s sitting in.
Jamie drapes a blanket over him and puts his feet up on an ottoman, and then helps Henry carry the children to their beds. Dani trails after them on autopilot, not saying a word.
Her panic, for the most part, has not come even close to dissolving. It buzzes, aching through her bones, resonating through her chest. This, she thinks, is only part of the emotion, the half she can handle right now. As soon as she’s alone, she knows that the weight of everything will probably take her out at her knees.
“You should get some rest,” Henry says once they’re back in the hallway. He looks between Jamie and Dani, an affectionate—almost fatherly—expression on his face. “I’ll take care of the rest.”
He squeezes Dani’s shoulder in passing, giving her a look that is probably meant to be reassuring, and then drifts back down the hallway and down the stairs.
And Dani does feel tired—so, so, so bone-tired and weary—but all she can think about is that faceless woman, Flora in her arms. How she had come so close to ending everything, all of it, and she would have succeeded, too, if it weren’t for those simple words Dani had found within herself. Without them, she would have killed Flora or Miles or even Jamie, which would have been the same as killing Dani herself.
It’s such a terrifying thing. The love of her life. The children in her care. Two things she’s practically already lost once. Two things she’s been so lucky to find again, that she cannot bear to lose.
Her heart aches with every beat and it’s only by some stroke of luck that she hasn’t started weeping yet. She hates this, hates herself for everything that’s happened. Whatever she missed and could have done better. She doesn’t know yet what the consequences of saving Flora are and she selfishly wants to go back and find a different way. Figure out how to save Flora and be selfish as well. To put her health, safety, and security first for once.
But it hadn’t been that simple.
In the hallway outside of Flora’s room, where she and Jamie kissed not even twelve hours before—so carefree and unaware of what was to come—Dani finally falls into Jamie’s arms, sobbing in a way that feels like it might never end. Jamie holds her and kisses her and whispers nonsense to try and calm her down, but Dani knows that she’s only putting on a brave face.
“You’re okay,” Jamie tells her, holding her closer and closer. “We’re okay.”
It’s true enough, at least, to let Dani breathe. To pull back and move to her own bedroom, pull Jamie inside and shut the door.
Behind the closed door, Dani pulls her clothes off piece-by-piece. She fumbles with her belt and zipper and sighs with relief when she finally manages to get her pants off, kick off her shoes. Jamie finds pajamas for her in her dresser and she helps Dani dress.
Dani feels very, very young for the first time in as long as she can remember as Jamie buttons up her pajama shirt. Even after having left all of that danger behind—for now, at least—she feels exposed and vulnerable within the drafty hollow of her bedroom.
She sits down heavily on the edge of the bed once she’s dressed, watching Jamie kick off her boots and drop her coat to the floor. For a moment, Dani thinks she’s going to join her on the bed, but she doesn’t. Instead, Jamie leans heavily against the dresser by the window and crosses her arms.
Dani can still taste the lake water at the back of her throat, the press of those fingers into her neck.
“I don’t even...What exactly did I miss, Dani?” Jamie asks, and that’s how Dani knows how serious she is:
The solemn use of her given name, no nicknames or pet names between them and her point.
“I don’t...I don’t even know,” Dani says, frustration bubbling inside of her chest, licking flames up her throat. “There was...Peter and Hannah were going to...take over Miles and Flora’s bodies and then—I got Flora out and we were going to run, but that...that thing grabbed me and I thought I was going to...So when she took Flora instead, I had to stop her. I had to...Flora would have died if I hadn’t.”
When she looks up, Jamie is staring at her with a look she can’t quite read in her eyes. “You might have been killed, Dani. That...that thing could have killed you.”
As if a switch has been flipped, Dani’s irritation turns into anger, so boiling that it’s near-incoherent.
“I know that!” she yells. “I know what could have happened and I know that I almost...but I...she was going to kill Flora, Jamie, I didn’t know what to do, I couldn’t just—”
Every muscle in her body is trembling, shaking, and they have been since she stood at the edge of that lake. This is the reality of that emotion she’s been swallowing since then. This is what her heart had been protecting her from.
There’s silence for a few moments. Dani keeps her eyes down, her hands flat and tight as she grips her knees, silent tears tracking down her face and dripping onto her shirt. Something touches her shoulder and she jumps, pulling away.
It’s Jamie, who withdraws quickly. “Sorry,” she says, sounding broken and longing.
Dani looks up at her and reaches one hand up, beckoning her closer. “Come here. Please touch me.”
At once, Jamie is kneeling in front of her, brushing hair out of Dani’s face and wiping away her tears. The bed is low but Jamie is still a head shorter now. She holds Dani’s hand, always anchoring her down when she’s at risk of blowing away.
“I’m sorry,” Jamie whispers, and Dani leans down to press their foreheads together. She closes her eyes. “I was just so scared. I’ve never been so fucking scared in my life.”
Dani cups her face in her hands. “I’m okay,” she says. “We both are. It’s okay.”
“I know that we haven’t really…” Jamie trails off, swallowing thickly. “I’m just really fucking terrified of losing you, Dani.”
Dani wants to say that she is, too, but she knows that she’s already made that pretty clear. Of course she’s terrified. She has every reason to be. She doesn’t exactly know what’s going to happen next.
“Come here,” Dani says, pulling away from Jamie to give her an earnest look. “Come up here and hold me.”
“Always,” Jamie promises, rubbing her hands up and down Dani’s thighs, warming her up. “Try and stop me.”
And, despite it all, Dani can’t help but smile. Jamie is the only person who’s ever cared for her this fervently. She can’t help believing every word that comes out of her mouth.
“I would never,” she says.
Jamie gets to her feet and crawls onto the bed, pulling Dani with her until they’re lying beneath the blankets, facing one another. Beneath the sheets, Dani feels her warm hand slipping beneath her shirt to rest on her hip, drawing idle patterns there.
It’s hard to believe that this woman is real sometimes. That Dani just happened upon her by some stroke of luck and that she plans on sticking around. That she’s still here after it all to offer a steady hand, a warm embrace, loving words. Dani doesn’t think she’s ever been able to lean on anyone the way she’s leaning on Jamie right now.
Maybe that’s because she doesn’t think Jamie could ever come close to letting her down. Falling in love with her is as easy as breathing.
“Jamie,” Dani whispers, shifting close enough to feel Jamie’s breath on her face.
Jamie kisses her chin, her nose, her eyelids. Everywhere she can reach with as much tenderness as anyone has ever had. Her touch is engulfing, the press of her lips reassuring.
“You’re so beautiful,” Jamie whispers. She tucks her face into the space between Dani’s neck and shoulder and kisses the skin she finds there.
Dani rakes her nails down Jamie’s back, through the fabric of her t-shirt, and smiles at the words—the same ones Jamie whispered over and over just the night before as her lips and fingers found every yielding inch of Dani’s body. She wonders if she’ll ever get tired of hearing them.
“I’m so glad you’re here,” Jamie whispers next.
Dani sighs, boneless with the safety of exhaustion in Jamie’s arms. “Me too. Please just...stay.”
Chuckling, Jamie pulls back and kisses Dani’s forehead. “As long as you like.”
They’re quiet for a while. Just Jamie’s fingers making circles in the skin of Dani’s hip, pressing her mouth against her forehead and cheek. Dani closes her eyes and listens to the sound of Jamie breathing.
“How’s forever sound?” Dani asks, her brain filled with soft cotton and a calm fog that’s making everything—the house, the events of the evening, the world—feel distant and hazy.
Jamie is still for a moment, and then she laughs. Dani feels it against her body. “You’re serious, are you?” she asks.
Dani smiles, pressing a kiss to Jamie’s sternum. “Yes,” she says.
Guilt pricks at her stomach. She feels like it’s a promise she can’t offer. Whatever is inside of her—whatever’s just happened—neither of them know what’s coming next. They’re flying blind and she can’t help wondering: what if something happens? What if this doesn’t work out?
But those are questions for another time. Another Dani. One who’s had time to rest and sleep and breathe in the arms of the woman she loves.
Jamie pulls away so they can look at one another and her smile lights up the room. “Then you’ve got me,” she says. “S’long as I have you?”
Dani can’t help but grin. “Of course you do.”
Silence falls between them again and Dani snuggles a little closer. She’s not sure what time it is, and because of this, part of her is worried that they’re going to be interrupted by something else—something terrible or even mundane—any moment. She’s just about to ask when Jamie tightens her hold around Dani’s body.
“I’m not gonna let you get away, you know,” she says, so quiet and desperate she doesn’t really sound like herself.
Dani presses a kiss to the skin she’s lying against. “Thank you,” she says. Her eyes drift closed sleepily. “What time is it?”
Jamie kisses the corner of her mouth and shifts even closer. “There’s time,” she says. “Just rest.”
Dani does.
...
Chapter 4: just like a man
Notes:
fill for this prompt:
“Hey!! Could you maybe write a jealous Dani fic please? I mean we all know Jamie is a catch.”
ft. Jamie the catch, Dani the jealous, & Mr. Beard-o.
Chapter Text
The first time that Dani ever saw Jamie—coming into the kitchen at Bly, dusty and dirty in with those rolled-back sleeves and that unaffected smirk on her lips—the sight of her knocked the breath from her chest. Even under the grime on her cheeks and the shimmer of sweat, Jamie somehow looked like a Hollywood starlet. One of those black-and-white movie stars that Dani grew up fascinated by. Her curly brown hair brushing the tops of her shoulders, her eyes happy and bright, even the pink shape of her mouth and the pale column of her neck. It was almost hard to look at.
Of course, Dani kept that to herself for a little while. It wasn’t as if she’d never thought of girls as beautiful before—or that she hadn’t daydreamed about them every so often. It was that Jamie was a colleague, an associate, and someone she saw practically every day. Throw in the added bonus of Dani having just lost her fiancé who was haunting her, the mess that was everything Flora and Miles, and all the rest and it’s amazing that they found each other at all, really.
But then they’d kissed and Jamie hadn’t run even when Dani had and it was as if she came even more beautiful every time Dani became aware of something else in this hard world that tried to put her down. The lines beneath her eyes were something she caught herself staring at, that scowl she came to love a near-permanent fixture on Jamie’s face. The way she looked in the summer sun, pruning roses and wiping the sweat from her forehead. It was...a lot.
And Dani is only human. Of course she thought Jamie was beautiful the moment she first saw her, just as she knows she is now. It’s a truth she’s come to live with: Jamie is absolutely breathtaking, even on her worst day.
And she would absolutely roll her eyes if Dani ever said that aloud.
It’s been thirteen months since that first day at Bly and Jamie is still beautiful, yes. All the time.
But Dani isn’t the only one who notices that.
Of course she isn’t. She could be so lucky.
Jamie has had a myriad of smitten fans since they opened The Leafling—teenage girls shopping for corsages who aren’t sure what to make of her winning smile and winking eyes; men who come in shopping for wives, or girlfriends, or mothers and trail after her around the store as she suggests different arrangements; even little boys who come in with their parents who turn bright red the moment Jamie greets them.
And Dani knows it shouldn’t bother her. No matter who it is that’s fallen under Jamie’s spell, she’s the one that goes home with her at night. She’s the one who knows what it’s like to touch Jamie and kiss her and be loved by her in return. It isn’t as if she owns Jamie—you can’t be the property of someone else.
But again: she’s human. She has flaws.
And one of them is the bitter knot of jealousy in her chest as she watches the bearded guy—who’s come in three times in the last week—listen to Jamie describe the meanings of different rose types.
He’s handsome enough—tall and blue-eyed with a dimple in his left cheek that’s put on display every time he smiles. And he smiles a lot at Jamie as she speaks. Every so often, he’ll say something Dani can’t quite hear from her spot behind the counter—working on an arrangement for someone’s recently-engaged daughter—and Jamie will laugh, this genuine, joyful noise that never fails to make Dani’s stomach bottom out.
“What about pink, then?” the man asks and Dani narrowed eyes bore holes into the back of his head. “If red means love and desire.”
There’s a quality to his voice when he says this that sort of makes Dani want to smack him across the face. Briefly, she imagines going over and forcing herself into the interaction—wrapping her arm around Jamie’s waist and pulling her tightly into her side. Glaring daggers until the man gets the hint and stops his incessant and completely unsubtle flirtations.
“Well, they can mean a lot of things,” Jamie begins, and her voice trails off in a list of the different emotions that pink can convey. The familiar cadence of her voice washes over Dani’s ears, making her mind calm a little, her hands steady.
Her ears still feel hot, yes, and her chest tight, but she forces herself to watch Jamie’s profile as she talks. The way she moves her hands. The smile on her face that’s always there when she’s discussing something she’s passionate about.
She’s mesmerizing, really. Sometimes it’s like Dani can’t even think clearly because of it.
Her eyes trail down Jamie’s neck to the collar of her shirt, buttoned high to hide the love bite Dani left on her neck the night before. She’d scolded Dani when she saw it that morning, while she was getting dressed, but she’d been grinning as she did it. Biting her lip. And she’s been stealing kisses between customers all day.
Dani does that, too—pretending to be bother by the marks that Jamie leaves behind, but she’s never really attempted to hide them once they’re there. There’s something to being able to see the evidence of Jamie on her body. She doesn’t think she’ll ever get tired of it.
Mr. Beard laughs and Dani’s eyes flit over to him. He looks way too charmed with himself. She rolls her eyes so hard it kind of hurts, then forces herself to return to her arrangement.
Eyes down. Hum a song to herself so she can’t hear what he’s saying to her girlfriend. Good distractions. Clean and non-violent thoughts.
Eventually, she’s jarred from them by a light touch at her waist. When she looks up, Jamie is there, smiling fondly and it makes Dani’s heart stutter in her chest.
“Can I squeeze by ya’?” Jamie asks. “Need the till.”
“Oh. Right.”
Dani moves to the side, letting Jamie slide behind her, and has to force herself to keep from making a truly inelegant noise when she feels Jamie’s hips press into her from behind as she goes.
It takes her a moment to realize that Mr. Beard is standing in front of the counter, a single yellow rose in his hand. He gives Dani an awkward, close-lipped smile as Jamie reads him his total, fishing into his back pocket to pull out a few bills.
“Um, so,” he says once Jamie has handed him his change. She leans forward against the counter curiously. His eyes flit to Dani for a moment, an expression she can’t quite read on his face. She thinks it might be slight aggravation. She turns her attention back to her arrangement. “I’m sorry if this is forward, but I’m actually buying this...for you.”
Everything falls silent. Dani’s muscles freeze and she blinks down at her flowers, trying to figure out if she’d just heard him right. Beside her, she feels Jamie’s similar reaction and she can see—out of the corner of her eye—that the man is offering her the rose he’s just bought.
“I thought maybe you’d like to get dinner sometime?” he says, continuing on like the air in the shop hasn’t just been viciously murdered and is now stagnant and thick.
Dani clenches her jaw so tightly, grinding her teeth together, that it could snap.
“Oh.” Jamie’s voice is understandably surprised. Dani feels, rather than sees, Jamie glance over at her and then away. “Um…”
“I know this great place just up the street—”
“I...uh…”
“—and I’d love the chance to get to know you better.”
“Excuse me,” Dani says, so quietly she almost can’t hear herself, and turns on her heel, marching into the back room and closing the door behind herself.
The office is really nothing more than a desk, two filing cabinets, and a couch that had been part of the shop’s lease. Frustration is licking the back of Dani’s neck, hot and livid, and she has to clench her fists to keep from hitting something.
She’s never been a violent person—no, never—but the audacity of this stranger to think he has some sort of claim on Jamie—that Jamie would even be interested—is doing interesting things to her poor heart.
This isn’t how she thought her day was going to go, that’s all.
The door is just thick enough that she can hear voices, but can’t actually make out anything that’s being said. After a moment or two, she collapses onto the couch and buries her face in her hands, trying to calm down.
It isn’t as if the guy actually has a chance with Jamie.
They live together, for God’s sake. They have a shop together and a life together and when Dani says, “I love you,” Jamie doesn’t even hesitate to say it back. There’s no realistic risk of losing her to this guy.
It’s fine. Everything is fine. There’s no reason to be upset.
She’s still telling herself that when the door opens sometime later. There’s movement—she can’t really tell because her hands are still covering her eyes—and then a warm hand is wrapping around her arm, gently guiding her hands away.
Jamie is kneeling in front of her with an apologetic smile on her perfect lips. “Hey,” she says simply, softly.
“Hey,” Dani returns. Then, bitterly, “So when’s Beard-o taking you out?”
Jamie’s smile falters for a second, but then she shakes her head. “Oh, Lord. That was the...absolutely worst, wasn’t it? I was actually embarrassed for him.”
It shouldn’t be, really, but her words are still a bit of a relief.
“You mean that’s not your type? Making you pick out the flower he gives you? From your own shop?” Dani asks.
Jamie feigns a shudder. “He loses points for creativity there, yeah.” She grabs one of Dani’s hands and pulls it nearer, pressing her lips to her fingers in a gentle kiss.
Morbid curiosity bites at the back of Dani’s throat. She can’t help but ask, “What did you tell him?”
“What do you think?” Jamie says, a breathless little laugh accompanying the words. “I said no.”
Dani’s shoulders deflate. “Right.” She’s trying her hardest not to sound as frustrated as she’s feeling, but she knows it’s not working.
There aren’t secrets between them anymore. Dani doesn’t think she’d be capable of keeping any even if she wanted to. So Jamie’s smile slips away and she shifts nearer, finally understanding what it is that’s going on.
“You’re not...Poppins, are you actually...jealous?”
Dani shakes her head, looking away. “Of course not,” she says, hating the way the messy swirl of emotions in her chest is making her feel so juvenile and silly.
“You are,” Jamie decides.
And, okay then—
“Yeah, okay,” Dani confesses, her voice pitched a little more exasperated than she’d like. “Some handsome guy comes into our shop and makes you laugh and asks you to dinner because he can do that—he can just ask, and he could hold your hand at dinner if he wanted or give you things that I—” She shakes her head, trying to clear it. “I’m sorry. I know it’s dumb, but I…”
She trails off, unsure of how to finish that thought.
Jamie is staring at her silently, her expression one of serious consideration and it makes Dani all the more nervous. All this time together, part of her has been so scared that, one of these days, Jamie will finally find the thing about her that’s made everyone else want to leave, too.
“You wanna know what I told him?” Jamie says after the silence has lingered for a little while and she doesn’t wait for an answer. “I told him that I’m taken. That I’m in a relationship with somebody I love more than anything.” Dani looks up, finally, to meet her eyes. “And even if I wasn’t...even in a world where I never met you, Dani, it still would have been no. But I did meet you and I love you. So you have nothing to worry about.”
And she smiles again—that brilliant smile that never fails to make Dani’s knees feel weak; she’s so glad she’s sitting down—and, just like that, all those worries and fears drain away. She knows Jamie better than she’s ever known anyone and she knows that Jamie would never lie to her.
She leans down and Jamie meets her halfway, grinning into the kiss in a way that makes Dani grin, too. She scratches a hand through Jamie’s hair, one arm coming down to grip her upper arm, kissing her back with everything she has.
“I’m so in love with you, Dani,” she whispers, dotting her kisses to Dani’s cheek and pulling her into a one-armed hug.
And it’s been over a year, but those words still make Dani feel like the ground has been dropped out from beneath her feet.
“Well, that’s convenient,” she says. “Because I love you, too.”
Jamie laughs, kisses her again, whispers, “What a coincidence,” into the air as she leans their foreheads together.
“I’m sorry that I—” Dani begins, but Jamie doesn’t let her. Kisses her to shut her up.
“No need,” she says. She runs her fingers down the side of Dani’s face and then pulls her other arm—the one she’s been keeping tucked behind her back—out to reveal a yellow rose, which she offers up. “As a token of my affection.”
“Is this—?” Dani asks, biting her lip to keep from smirking too wide.
“The same.” She shrugs. “He was in a rush to get out. Just left it there on the counter. Figured...it’s paid for. Might as well go to a pretty girl.”
“And that’s me?”
Jamie nods. “That’s you.”
Dani takes the rose and then they’re kissing again and, by the time Jamie is weaving her fingers into Dani’s hair and straddling her on the couch, Dani can hardly remember what she was worried about in the first place.
...
Chapter 5: it takes all sorts
Notes:
fill for this prompt:
“🥺 bartender Jamie hitting on customer Dani and random guy hitting on Dani but failing”
ft. Priscilla & the Polka Dots.
Chapter Text
“I haven’t seen you around here before.”
Dani winces at the words, at the gravelly touch the man’s voice has. Like metal scraping against concrete. It makes her shiver. “That’s a good one,” she tells him and he looks pleased with himself for exactly two more seconds before she adds, “Definitely never heard it before.”
He blinks, but then pushes on, undeterred by her response. “Let me buy you a drink.”
Not a question. Dani resists the urge to roll her eyes.
“Thanks,” she says, “but I’ve got one.” She shakes the straw of her daiquiri for emphasis.
“The next one then,” he offers.
He’s got a stupid, handsome face. Dani wonders how easily he’s been able to slide through life with a face like that—how many girls he’s been able to talk into his bed with those dimples. She’s not drunk—even if she desperately wants to be—but she kind of wants to ask him what his success rate with this kind of thing normally is.
The plan had been to just get in, get a drink, and get out. Another round of disappointing and humiliating job interviews has left her with a dull pounding in the back of her head, and she’d only wanted to add a nice numbness to it before going back to her room at the hostel to lick her wounds.
But then her new acquaintance had come over less than a minute after the pretty bartender gave Dani her drink and now he won’t leave.
Apparently, the man takes her silence as agreement and he looks over at the bartender and lifts his hand—almost like he’s talking to a dog or something, which—
More points added to his general douchery.
“Can I get one more for—” He trails off, throwing a look back at Dani.
“Priscilla,” she says, rattling off the first fake name that comes to mind.
Fortunately, he buys it.
“For Priscilla,” he finishes.
The woman at the bar—whose name tag reads JAMIE—quirks an eyebrow at him, then glances at Dani. She’s a slight thing; curly brown hair and pale skin. Pink lips that Dani sort of wants to tug at with her teeth.
But that’s the alcohol talking.
When she first sat down, Jamie had given her a once-over. Not quite like she was sizing Dani up, but more like she was...appreciating the view. It was...interesting, to say the least, and she’d been planning on striking up a conversation before they were interrupted.
“Priscilla, yeah?” Jamie asks, and she gives Dani an amused look.
Dani’s stomach twists a little in excitement. “That’s my name,” she says.
“Pretty. You sure you’d like another?” Her eyes dart over to the man and Dani has the distinct impression that she’s being asked something else entirely.
Whether or not she’s actually interested in this guy.
She shrugs. “Only if he’s paying.”
Jamie almost looks impressed at this. “Coming right up, then.”
As she flits around the bar, making Dani’s drink and slapping another beer in front of her companion, the man turns his interest back to Dani.
“What brings you to London, Priscilla?” he asks, voice oozing arrogance. He must think he’s already won her over.
Dani thinks for a moment. “I’m in a band,” she decides. “We’re doing a tour.”
The man flicks his eyebrows up in surprise. “Is that so?”
“Yep.”
She pops the ‘p’ a little too loud and takes a long pull from her drink, nearly giving herself a brain freeze.
“What kind of music do you play?”
“Polka.”
“Polka?”
“That’s what I said.”
He frowns. “Anything of yours I might know?”
Dani’s busy trying to come up with the most ridiculous thing yet when another voice chimes in.
“You’ve never heard of The Polka Dots?”
It’s Jamie, frowning like the man’s ignorance is an affront to God.
The man looks between the two of them in surprise. “The...The Polka Dots?” he asks.
Dani smiles. “That’s us,” she says.
Jamie nods. She finishes the final touches of Dani’s drink and sets it in front of her. “Her and about three beefy types.” She mimes some kind of “tough guy” attitude and Dani has to bite her lip to keep from laughing.
“All of whom I’m dating,” she adds.
It’s kind of surprising that the man hasn’t just high-tailed it out of the bar yet. The game they’re playing isn’t subtle, and Dani would like to think that—were she in the same unfortunate position he is—she would know when to take a hint.
“Is that so?” he asks, and it takes Dani a moment to realize the reason why he hasn’t left:
He actually believes her.
Which is just—
Wow.
“They’re actually supposed to be meeting me here soon,” she says, fingers crossed a little on her lap.
And, there it is. That’s the ticket.
In an awkward rush, the man tosses a few bills on the bar top and says something along the lines of, “There’s a...meeting I forgot I had,” before rushing out of the bar. Dani watches him go and then turns to Jamie triumphantly.
“I can’t believe he bought that,” she says.
Jamie whistles through her teeth. “Well, it takes all sorts.” She throws a smile at Dani and then starts cleaning up after the guy.
Dani watches her in silence, tracing the lines of her face with her eyes. “Thanks,” she says once Jamie is near enough again. “For your help.”
“Don’t mention it.” She waves Dani’s appreciation off. “Can’t say it wasn’t fun to watch him scurry out of here with his tail between his legs like that.”
Some of her hair has fallen into her face, a few brown curls bobbing in front of her eyes as she moves. Dani has the sudden urge to reach out and touch it, curl it around her finger as she leans in to—
There’s a buzz in her veins that’s making her chest feel less tight by the moment, and, later, she’ll blame what she says next on that feeling.
“Hey, are you…” Her broken sentence catches Jamie’s attention and then Dani feels trapped beneath the heat of her gaze. She flounders for a moment, but then manages to say, “Would you wanna get a drink sometime?”
She doesn’t realize how that sounds until Jamie is making a face.
“Not here,” she clarifies hurriedly. “Somewhere else.” Still no response, so she keeps going. “Not even a drink, if you don’t want. We could get...dinner...or something.”
In the quiet that follows, she sort of feels like an idiot, but then she notices that Jamie’s eyes are looking her up and down again. Checking her out, maybe. Dani flushes and forces herself to maintain eye contact.
“Priscilla,” Jamie says in this shocked tone and Dani laughs. “Are you asking me out?”
“Dani,” she corrects, thrusting out a hand for Jamie to shake. “And, yes.”
Her hand is really soft, her grip loose and easy as she squeezes Dani’s fingers before pulling away. “You flirt,” she admonishes, her tone nothing but flattered amusement.
“Is that a yes?”
Two men sitting at the far end of the bar call for her, and Jamie acknowledges them, holding up a finger for them to wait a moment. She turns back to Dani.
“I get off at six,” she says, and then she leans down close enough that Dani can see the flecks of light brown in her irises. Her hands tremble at the proximity and Jamie must know the effect she’s having because she looks all-too-pleased with herself. “Maybe we can have that drink at my flat.”
Jesus.
Dani blinks a few times, rapidly. “Do you often ask girls back to your apartment before the first date?” she asks, a little amazed at her luck.
Pulling back a little, Jamie shrugs. “Only the girls that are going to fall in love with me.”
“Are you always this confident?” Her heart sort of feels like it’s going to burst. It’s strange that the exact quality that annoyed her so much in the man from before is the exact thing that’s no making her feel like a teenager all over again.
Jamie laughs, a sound just as stunning as the rest of her. “Never,” she admits and Dani knows she’s telling the truth.
Just as she’s about to saunter off to help other customers, Dani reaches out and wraps her fingers loosely around Jamie’s wrist, holding her still. “Six o’clock?” she asks and Jamie grins.
“Looking forward to it,” she says and the wink she gives Dani is almost enough to have her falling already.
...
Chapter 6: there will be other nights
Notes:
fill for this prompt:
“Stolen moments between Jamie and Dani, if there had been more time between 'and there will be other nights' and ya know, all the ghost craziness.”
ft. big girl sleepovers & a couple good nights
Chapter Text
Jamie has never really allowed herself to entertain the idea of getting what she wants, but now she’s being kissed long and slow against the door of Dani’s bedroom. There are soft fingers squeezing her hips through her jeans and the only sound in the mostly-dark room is the huff of their breath, and she thinks it might be time to start counting her blessings.
“I’m glad you came back,” Dani says, pressing a hot, open-mouthed kiss against the hinge of Jamie’s jaw. “I’ve been wanting to do this all day.”
That confession does something interesting to Jamie’s pulse. “Me too,” she whispers, agreeing to both parts of what Dani’s just said at once.
She’d only been in her apartment for around a half hour, taking a shower and brushing her teeth, changing her clothes—grabbing another set and stuffing it into a bag—before coming right back. If she stops to think about it too much, she might end up embarrassed at the speed and readiness with which she’d been willing to answer Dani’s bashful booty call—earlier, in the hallway.
But she doesn’t have time. She’s too busy tugging Dani’s sweater over her head and dropping it to the floor. Too busy running her hands over her soft, soft skin, memories of the night before washing over her so quickly that it’s a wonder she can even catch her breath.
“Flora okay?” she asks as Dani fumbles with her belt.
Dani nods. “Yes,” she says, and then there’s the clatter of metal hitting the wooden floor as Jamie’s belt falls. “But let’s talk about her later.”
Jamie smirks. “That’s a good idea.”
“Come here. You’re too far away.”
Arms reach up to wrap themselves around Jamie’s shoulders, hauling her in until the press of their bodies together aches a little. Somehow, it’s still not close enough. She kisses Dani again.
“Too many clothes,” she says.
Dani nods. Pulls back a little and unclasps her own bra. Drops it on the floor. “Better?”
Jamie’s mouth falls open, throat dry. “Yeah. Yeah.”
Dani gives her this smile—a wide, silly thing—as she stands there in her bedroom, topless. Jamie can’t help but laugh, feeling a choking, exuberant joy fill her chest for the first time in her life.
__________
Flora sleeps through the night.
At breakfast the next morning, she grins, gap-toothed and happy, at Jamie, swinging her feet back and forth as they dangle from her seat.
“Are you having breakfast with us again?” she asks.
Jamie halts, mid-bite of her toast, and frowns. “Thought I might,” she says as she chews, and Flora throws a happy look at Miles, who seems tired.
Dani catches Jamie’s eyes and mouths, “Sorry,” like there’s anything to apologize for.
At the head of the table, Hannah looks between all four of the people she’s sitting with. She looks like she wants to ask a question, but the presence of the children are getting in the way. The look she gives Jamie borders on knowing.
“Did you and Miss Clayton have another sleepover last night?” Flora asks. “I do love sleepovers. The one we all had together was perfectly—”
Dani, who choked on her tea the moment Flora’s first question drops, manages to catch her breath. “Did we…” she begins, but she trails off like she doesn’t want to finish.
Jamie knows the feeling.
“That’s a good question,” Hannah asks, her smile more of a smirk than anything else. “Did you?” She raises her eyebrows questioningly.
“We—” Dani starts, but Jamie cuts in.
“Sure did,” she answers, just like that. “A grown-up sleepover. For big girls.”
Dani splutters again.
Flora gets a dreamy look in her eye. “Oh, I bet you just had the best of times.”
“Oh, we did,” Jamie says and when she looks over at Dani, she looks mortified.
They catch eyes and Jamie’s smile gets a little bigger. Dani rolls her eyes, but there’s a tilt on the edge of her lips that gives her away.
__________
That evening, in the wide entryway of the house, Dani catches Jamie’s hand in her own as they say goodbye. For some reason, Jamie’s feet feel heavy—stones in the bottom of her boots or something—and the last thing she thinks she’s capable of is walking out that door.
But she tells herself that she has too. Slow down. Take some time apart. There’s something about Dani that makes her want to drop to one knee anytime she smiles and she hasn’t quite had the time to analyze that at depth yet.
“I’ll see you in the morning,” she says and Dani nods sullenly.
“In the morning. Right.”
Jamie is still telling herself to take a step back, worried she might ruin everything by moving too fast—doing too much, too quickly.
But the truth is this:
For all the hurdles in life that she’s jumped over, she has never been very good at taking chances.
And Dani is a chance, isn’t she? A shiny, new, mesmerizing chance and that’s probably the scariest thing that she could possibly be, but Jamie can’t really help herself.
She thinks she might be beyond that already.
“You know,” she says, “you could...you could come ’round tonight. To my place.”
Dani bites her lip. “Yeah?”
“Sure. If Hannah’s okay with staying with the kids.”
“I can ask.”
“Okay.”
A pause.
“Your place, huh?” Dani repeats.
Jamie smirks. “Yeah. You might like it. Got a stereo, a TV.” She takes a breath. “A bed, too. And thicker walls.”
A blush dusts Dani’s cheeks so rapidly, she looks fevered. “Thicker walls,” she repeats.
Jamie nods. Remembers the bite of Dani’s teeth in her shoulders the last two nights, her fingernails digging into her back, trying to keep quiet. “So…”
Dani doesn’t even hesitate. She says, “I’m in.”
__________
That night, wrapped in Jamie’s sheets, they talk about the future—the lives they’ve always pictured living. Jamie tells Dani about wanting to open a shop of her own—a sun-filled space with plants on every wall.
Dani speaks unsteadily about her own future, an air of indecision to the whole thing that would probably break Jamie’s heart if it weren’t for the way the moonlight hits the crown of Dani’s head through the window. The halo it creates that sort of makes her want to weep.
“Well,” Jamie says, fingers swirling random patterns on Jamie’s bare thigh, “I could always use a business partner.”
They’re sitting cross-legged, facing one another, and Dani’s next smile is Jamie’s favorite one yet. “Yeah?” she asks.
“Yeah.”
They leave it at that for now, content to just sit in silence for a moment or two. It’s like that with Dani. Jamie doesn’t feel like she has to try all the time, and isn’t that one of the best feelings she’s ever known?
There’s something liberating about being with another person who seems just as lost as Jamie feels most days. There aren’t any hoops to jump through in order to understand each other.
She leans in and kisses Dani. Lets herself be guided back onto the mattress, Dani a line of warm weight against her again.
It’s easy. That’s the most surprising part.
__________
The next morning, stretched out in bed together—Jamie’s muscles sore, her wrist cramped up, a mark the size of Dani’s mouth on her hipbone—Dani brushes the hair from Jamie’s face and says, “Good morning.”
Jamie smiles. “Good night, too,” she says.
“Very good.”
A kiss. Familiar now. Fluttering.
“We should have more of those,” Jamie whispers. “Good nights, I mean.”
Dani nuzzles her forehead against Jamie’s neck, lips pressing to her skin for a moment. She hums. “We should,” she agrees. “As many as you want.”
Jamie’s not really sure where they’re heading, and maybe she should be scared of that, but she isn’t. She really, really isn’t.
What she knows is this:
There will be other nights.
She thinks that’s enough for now.
...
Chapter 7: this is home
Notes:
fill for this prompt:
“an AU where Jamie and Dani go to the boring little pub in Bly instead of walking the grounds of Bly Manor”
ft. a boring drink at a boring pub
Chapter Text
The night of Jamie’s first day back, Dani shifts her weight back and forth out front of the house, checking her wrist watch every three seconds and shivering from the cold.
It’s quiet outside, just the distant trill of bugs in the bushes or the scramble of a squirrel in the grass. After six months in the middle of bustling London, it’s been a bit of an adjustment, getting used to the countryside. At night, swaddled in the thick blankets of her bed, her ears still reach out past the windows, trying to find the honking of car horns, the chatter of voices, anything busy and different than the quiet.
She hates this feeling—the one that’s been buzzing in her chest since she let Jamie slip away the other night—and it’s especially worse now because she’d thought that—finally—she might have stumbled upon an actual turning point in her life. She’s ready to shed the weight of Eddie’s shadow and jump headfirst into something she’s never known—but wants so badly. And it’s her fault, really, because she’s always, always too afraid to be anything more than she’s always been.
But, here she is. She’s trying. Or…
She thinks she’s trying at least.
The old her certainly never would have found herself standing outside, waiting for a girl to pick her up so they can go for a drink together.
On a date.
This is a date.
And that might be dangerous because Dani is so inexperienced with this and they’re work colleagues. Acquaintances. And, okay, yes, Jamie has flirted with her and Dani has occasionally worked up the nerve to flirt back. There’s been a warm hand on the small of her back and a few shared and weighted looks.
Not to mention that kiss in the greenhouse. Kisses, actually. Plural.
She can’t stop thinking about it—about the heated press of Jamie’s lips to her own, the grip of her fingers in Dani’s hair, guiding her closer and closer.
The crunch of gravel and the rumble of Jamie’s truck coming up the driveway shakes her from her thoughts. It’s too dark for her to see Jamie’s face through the windshield, but it doesn’t matter for long because then the truck is coming to a stop in front of her.
When she goes to open the passenger side door, it resists her pull—locked—and there’s a muffled, “Shit,” from inside the cabin, followed by the sound of the lock turning over.
“Hey,” Jamie greets once Dani’s buckled in beside her. Her eyes are wild, like she thinks she might be hallucinating Dani sitting there. She’s wearing different clothes than she had been earlier, a jacket and a t-shirt tucked into her jeans. Her hair is down now, too, curled around her shoulders. “Ready to go then?”
“Yeah,” Dani says, and panic settles into her stomach. “Thanks for, um...for coming to get me.” Heat flushes up her neck as she tries to read Jamie’s expression and fails.
“Yeah, no, it’s all good.” She bobs her head a few times and then mumbles something under her breath that Dani can’t hear, switching her car back into drive and starting off down the driveway. “Hannah with the little ones?”
“Um, yeah,” Dani says. “She asked Owen to stay with her.”
Jamie’s eyebrows flutter at the news. “Did she?” she asks, then hums thoughtfully. “Well, good for her.”
It’s only a five minute drive into town and they spend it in near-silence. Dani takes in the sights of the small city, the little houses lit-up in the darkness, the shops that are shuttered for the night. The Bly Inn is in the center of the main town road and Jamie parks in front of it. It’s a relatively small building. Two stories and looking like something out of a picture book, but cute.
As they go inside, Dani’s eyes flit up to the darkened windows of the second floor, where she suspects Jamie’s flat is and tries to imagine what it might look like.
There aren’t many people inside. Just a handful of tired looking men making conversation with the bartender as they sit around the bar. Jamie gestures for Dani to find a table and goes to order drinks. She’s sitting in a semi-dark corner, in a booth, when Jamie comes over with two bottled ales and takes a seat across from her.
“Do you come here a lot?” Dani asks, looking around at the old-fashioned decor.
The wood tables are chipping paint and there’s a jukebox in the corner that certainly looks like it’s seen better days. The pictures hanging on the walls feature rolling countrysides and boats sailing stormy seas. She imagines Jamie sitting in here after a long day at the house, elbows resting on the table, smoking a cigarette as she eyed the other patrons with mild amusement. Momentarily, she pictures a beautiful woman sitting beside her or across from her, trailing slim fingers up and down Jamie’s forearm and giggling when Jamie whispers something in her ear.
She bites her lip hard, trying to get the image to fade from her mind.
“Sometimes,” Jamie answers. “Not really. Crowd’s not really my usual type.” She nods to the older men at the bar when she says it.
That’s not surprising and Dani wants to ask follow-up questions because she wants details, wants to hear about the life Jamie led before Dani showed up. She’s only ever been on one first date and it was with Eddie, who she’d already known for something like eight years at that point. She feels a little out of her depth here, on this date.
Because that’s what it is. She’s getting a drink at a bar with a girl she’s kissed, that she’s interested in, and that can’t really be labelled as anything other than romantic in nature.
Hopefully, at least.
“What is your type then?”
Dani doesn’t mean for it to come out the way it does—is really just trying to make conversation—but then Jamie gets this look in her eye.
“Sure you’re ready to hear about that?”
Oh.
Dani presses her lips together. Shrugs. “I just…” She clears her throat. “I just want to know more about you.”
At this, Jamie gives a flattered, little laugh and leans forward, elbows on the table just like Dani pictured. “And here I thought you just wanted to get an obligatory drink before falling into my bed.”
Whatever Dani had been expecting, it hadn’t been that. She bursts into a fit of surprised laughter.
“Got more on your mind than that?” Jamie jokes, but she’s blushing a little. “Favorite colors or seasons or childhood traumas what you wanna discuss?”
Dani gives her a look, forcing herself to maintain eye contact despite the way Jamie’s quirk of the lips has her stomach flip-flopping. “I mean...yeah, I want to hear about those things, but it’s not like I don’t want...other stuff,” she says, hoping the stress put on those words are enough to save her from saying it. “Is that okay?”
“That depends,” Jamie says. “You’re not plannin’ on runnin’ off again are ya’?”
Dani blinks. She hasn’t known Jamie for very long, but she knows the emotion in her eyes. She knows what it’s like to feel beyond oneself. Terrified, but wanting all the same.
“No, I—” She cuts herself off and clears her throat, glancing away for a moment. “I’m planning on staying...for a while. If you’ll have me.”
“Yeah? Promise? ’Cause it isn’t like I don’t want you, Poppins. I just don’t want to...get my hopes up only to have you…” she trails off, the same tone in her voice as had been there that night when she’d rushed out of the greenhouse, after they kissed. Dani wants to say something else, something that might further reassure Jamie that she’s planning on standing her ground, but then she realizes what Jamie’s just said.
That she wants her.
Jamie wants her. Wants her like—
“Oh,” she breathes faintly, trying not to panic over that, but she’s already picturing it—being wanted by Jamie, being pressed into a wall or mattress, Jamie’s hands on her hips, her lips on her neck. She feels like she might pass out at any moment. Takes a swig of her ale and lets the bitter taste of it rest in her mouth for a moment before swallowing. Takes another.
When she looks up, Jamie is watching her with the most serious expression Dani’s ever seen her make.
Quick as she can, Dani darts her hand out and grabs Jamie’s, squeezing it and holding it tight. “I’m not…” She shakes her head. Thinks it over. Decides on, “I’m not going to run away again. I promise, okay? I—”
Suddenly, Jamie’s expression softens, eyes dark and serious and a little wounded. She frowns, squeezing Dani’s hand back. “I really like you, Dani. I do,” she says. “This isn’t nothing to me. It’s...something. A lot of something’s.”
Dani’s stomach twists. She closes her eyes and takes a deep breath before opening them again. “To me, too. It would mean...so much to me, too, Jamie. I want all of that stuff with you. All of it and I…” She can’t come up with a way to finish that sentence. “I can’t stop thinking about kissing you.”
At this, Jamie freezes, eyebrows flying up as her eyes widen in shock. She swallows and Dani has one second to be proud of herself for making her so flustered before Jamie is getting to her feet, throwing money on the table and pulling Dani out of the tavern. She lets herself be pulled along, around the building, to a small locked door at the side that Jamie fumbles open with her keys, and then up a dark set of stairs, through another door, and into Jamie’s flat.
She was right when she called it small before, because it is. Clean and open, but a studio really. A full-sized bed against the wall at the front, beneath some windows. A kitchenette by the door with a small fridge and a hot plate instead of a stove. A toaster oven. There’s an armchair in the corner with bookshelves beside it, pointed at a little TV held up by some wooden crates. A stereo beside it and more crates, filled with records this time.
A poster for Blondie on one wall. Another for Joan Jett above a little desk. There’s a pale, blue typewriter on the desk like some kind of shrine to the Lost Generation and Dani can’t imagine what it is that Jamie does with it, but the thought of her sitting there—typing away in the early morning light—is enough to make her heart squeeze.
“So...this is home,” Jamie says, finally dropping Dani’s hand, and it’s a completely ordinary thing to say, but, for some reason, she winces at the words, like she’s just made a huge mistake. She withers a little. “I don’t...I mean, tell me if I’ve read the whole thing wrong, I just thought we could maybe—”
With her heart hammering heavy against her ribcage, Dani crosses the scant distance between them and cups Jamie’s face in her hands. “Would it be okay…” she whispers, her lips only an inch or so from Jamie’s. “Could I—”
“God, Dani, just—” Jamie says, and Dani kisses her before she’s completely finished with the sentence. Jamie kisses her back almost immediately, loose and practiced, like she’s been preparing this for a while. Her mouth opens, tongue brushing against Dani’s lips, and then Dani’s is open too and there’s tongue and—
Finally.
Between kisses—between pulling Jamie’s clothes off her body; between helping Jamie with her own pants and shoes; between being pressed into the mattress and tugging Jamie closer—Dani almost tells her that she hasn’t had sex in a very long time. That she hasn’t ever had sex with a woman and that her only experience is with the man she’d watched die right in front of her. But Jamie’s lips are insistent, her hands hot and steady as they slide around Dani’s body, mapping her out. Exploring. She’s slipping down and down and then her tongue is on Dani’s thighs and her head is bobbing between her legs, and Dani can’t even say anything but, “Yes,” and, “Jamie,” and, “Right there.”
There’s time for all of that to come later. There’s time for her to get answers to questions she never thought to ask, to pull Jamie into an embrace and kiss the scar on her shoulder, the scars on her arms and stomach. There’s time to figure out all of the stuff they haven’t quite had time to sort out yet.
They have time. So much.
Dani couldn’t run away now, not even if she wanted to.
She doesn’t want to.
And, well—
So much for boring.
...
Chapter 8: whither thou goest
Notes:
fill for this prompt:
“Can you please write a road trip fic for Dani and Jamie 🤠🤠”
ft. IHOP, shower sex, and phone calls to mom
Chapter Text
Touchdown in Raleigh greets them with stormy skies. Dani is jostled awake by a man hitting her in the head with a backpack.
Jamie cusses him out and spends the whole time they’re waiting for their luggage trying to spot him in the tired crowd, looking for blood. There’s an ease with which she holds Dani’s hand that Dani has never experienced before. Sure and calm, their fingers laced loosely together, and she keeps squeezing Dani’s hand three times every time Dani’s mind starts to drift away from her.
She calls her mother from the pay phone at the car rental place—just off the airport parking lot.
Says things like: “Yeah, it was fine,” and, “I miss you, too.”
It’s early in America and she’s still on London time, which makes the early morning light seem smudged in her eyes. She keeps trying to blink it away, listening to her mother rattle off warnings about North Carolina—citing some special she saw on TV about a man who kidnapped girls from gas stations and buried them alive by the highway.
Dani’s fairly certain she’s describing the plot to some trashy television movie, but she pretends to agree, if only so she can get off the phone faster.
“How long before you’re home?” her mom asks and Dani’s watching Jamie smoke a cigarette through the glass door of the agency.
By “home” she means “Ohio” and Dani doesn’t want to fight this early.
So she leaves out the important part and says, “We were thinking about taking our time,” like it really is that simple.
“Who’s we?”
Jamie catches Dani watching and smiles at her, smoke slipping past her perfect lips. Her eyes catch the sunlight in a way that makes Dani feel substantially less tired.
“Me,” she corrects. “I just meant me.”
________
They buy an atlas in a gas station and Dani points their rented Ford Taurus north and just starts driving. Jamie flips through the radio as they go, complaining about the music, and occasionally points out a cow or a horse as they roll through farmland.
“It’s different than I thought,” she says as they cross the border into Virginia. “Bigger.”
Dani laughs, sunglasses perched on her nose, feeling lighter and lighter as the miles stack up behind them. “I’m pretty sure your whole country can fit in Texas.”
Jamie gives her an uneasy look. “Poppins,” she says slowly, the vocal equivalent of tip-toeing, “what the fuck is Texas?”
________
That night, they eat dinner at a hotel bar in Charlottesville. There’s money from Henry burning a hole in both of their pockets and each of them still has a check from him tucked away in their things, uncashed. Jamie orders a cheeseburger, already complaining about fried food before it even gets there, and Dani picks at her own meal, far too content to just watch Jamie as she wipes the corner of her mouth with a napkin. Sips at her glass of wine.
“God, this thing’s turning my stomach,” she complains and Dani bumps their feet together under the table.
“Then stop eating it.”
Jamie purses her lips. Points a finger in the air. “Don’t,” she says seriously, pausing for emphasis. “Tell me what to do.”
She finishes her food painstakingly to the sound of Dani’s laughter.
________
That night, they sleep in separate beds, a nightstand between them. Dani has a nightmare that she’s drowning and someone is trying to rescue her. Their hands keep slipping. She drowns anyway.
In the morning, she covers the mirror in the bathroom before she gets ready and forgets to uncover it when she’s finished.
It’s not possible that Jamie doesn’t notice, but she’s kind enough not to say anything.
________
Jamie falls asleep in Baltimore and doesn’t wake up until they’re almost to Philadelphia. The radio is on, but the connection is shitty and the music keeps fading in and out in between bouts of loud static.
“Where are we?” she asks, looking out the window. She lifts her feet up and plants them on the dashboard, yawning behind her hand.
“Pennsylvania.” Dani glances over at her. Adjusts her hands on the steering wheel. “Feel a little better?”
Jamie is confused for a moment. Then, “Didn’t sleep well last night. Thas’ all.”
“Oh.”
“Harder to sleep without a pretty girl to cuddle.”
Dani bumps her turn signal on. Speeds up past the minivan driving slowly in the right lane. Gets in front of them. Turns it off.
Her neck feels hot. She should be used to this, maybe—a brief memory of the way Jamie’s lips felt like on her chest that night they spent together comes to mind, flustering her. But they haven’t done more than hold hands since boarding their flight in London.
Part of her thinks Jamie might be waiting for Dani to make up her mind.
She takes a deep breath. “Maybe we can fix that tonight.”
She can feel Jamie’s eyes on her, looking her over. “Yeah?”
Dani nods. “Yeah.”
“Well...I look forward to it then, Poppins.”
Jamie flicks the radio off. They drive in silence for the next hour.
________
Philadelphia, Center City. Dani finds a parking garage by the Liberty Bell and they have lunch in a little bistro nearby. It’s bustling in Independence Park—people flitting to and fro with cameras and maps. Dani watches them through the window, watches the way that the sun beams down past the tall buildings, illuminating the cobblestone streets.
“This is more like it,” Jamie says, two bites into her cheesesteak.
“Why am I not surprised you like that better than you like cheeseburgers?” Dani asks.
Jamie laughs, making Dani’s head spin and shrugs. “Guess you must already be figuring me out.”
There’s something about that Dani likes the sound of.
After eating, they wait forty-five minutes in the warm, September air to see the Liberty Bell. It’s not worth it—especially not to Jamie, who knows little else about it save for what history Dani butchered in line, piecing it together from the time her and her mother visited Philadelphia when she was in grade school.
They stop at a gift shop nearby and Jamie makes fun of a bobblehead of Benjamin Franklin for at least a minute, so Dani buys it for her. Hands it over as they’re walking back to the parking garage and Jamie is delighted. Holds it up. Mimics its bounce until Dani’s cheeks are bright pink from laughing too hard.
________
In the parking garage, Dani is fumbling with the keys when Jamie steps into her space, presses her into the driver’s side window, and kisses her. It’s a slow kiss, tongue and hands slipping around Dani’s hips, pulling her nearer. Dani drops the keys on the pavement, pushes into the pressure of Jamie’s body.
Eventually, Jamie pulls back, flushed and happy. Presses another chaste kiss to Dani’s lips and then flits around to the other side of the car to get in.
Dani stands there a moment, in the stifling concrete heat of a city she does not belong to and wonders at the flutter of her own heart.
________
A motel in Conshohocken. One bed. They order pizza and eat it right there in the middle of the comforter, using the lid of the box as a plate. The room is filled with dim orange light, and the street lamps outside can be seen with every air-conditioned sway of the curtains.
There’s a sitcom playing on the TV—some husband getting himself into trouble, his family picking up the pieces. Dani eats slowly and tries not to stare at the bare skin of Jamie’s legs, the baggy, oversized shirt that’s hanging loose around her hips. She keeps remembering what they feel like wrapped around her waist and choking a little on her food.
When they’re brushing their teeth in the bathroom, side-by-side, Jamie bumps her elbow into Dani’s side and makes a face at her in the mirror. It strikes Dani how little time they’ve actually known another. Somehow, it feels like years already.
In the cool safety of the bed, Jamie leans in and kisses Dani, soft and easy. No hurry or rush or deadlines. No one to interrupt them. “Am I allowed to do that?” she asks when she pulls away, running her thumb across Dani’s cheekbone.
Dani closes her eyes. Remembers the curl of Jamie’s fingers around that cigarette at the airport. Her head leaned against the window of the car as she slept. Pushing her fries towards Dani at that first hotel, pestering her until she finally ate some.
Nodding, she whispers, “Yes.”
________
Breakfast at an IHOP. Blueberry syrup. Jamie complaining that Pepsi burns her nose. Dani steals some of her hash browns and Jamie pretends to be mad at her about it until they’re in the car again.
________
“Are you coming home soon?” her mom asks, her voice grainy through the line.
“I don’t—”
Her mom sighs, heavy and hard. “First it was a month. Then two. Then six. Then it was that you’d gotten a job and now you’re in the country again and you can’t even be bothered to come see your mother.”
“Mom,” Dani says. “I don’t...I don’t know that I’m—”
Outside, Jamie is gassing up the car. She’s leaned back against it while she waits, arms crossed. When she catches Dani looking, she gives a wave and a smile that makes Dani’s breath catch.
“So...where then?”
There’s an accusatory note to her mom’s voice that Dani would normally shrink under. She doesn’t this time.
Instead, she says, “We were thinking Vermont.”
“Danielle, who’s we?”
Leaning back against the glass of the phone booth, Dani takes a deep breath. Says: “Me and a...a friend.”
“What friend?”
She ponders this. Thinks about Jamie’s hand finding hers on the gear shift. Thinks about morning kisses and a hand combing through her hair as she drives.
Decides to be brave.
“A...girlfriend,” she says, plain as day. “My girlfriend.”
Her mother splutters. Dani can’t bring herself to care.
________
“Girlfriend, huh?” Jamie asks in the car.
Dani taps her fingers against the steering wheel. Edges the car further up the drive-thru line. “Yeah,” she says. “Is that…?”
“Girlfriend.” Jamie hums thoughtfully around the word. She turns back to Dani after a moment, beaming. “Can’t say I don’t like the sound of that.”
They eat their food in the parking lot and, when they’re done, Jamie kisses Dani, nice and long, with grease on her lips.
________
Skipping around New York City, they stop in Albany for the night.
Still feeling brave, when Jamie goes to take a shower, Dani waits a few minutes and then joins her. In the steam-filled air, she sheds her clothes and pulls the curtain back, steps inside.
Jamie’s body looks different in the light. Slick and soft and Dani wants to press her fingers to every inch of it.
“Am I allowed to do this?” she asks when Jamie turns around, surprised.
Jamie steps forward, pressing the wet length of her body against Dani’s, their curves slotting into place. “Yes,” she whispers. “As long as you’re sure.”
Dani smiles. Whispers, “I am,” then, “Kiss me.”
Jamie does. Arms around Dani’s waist, hands exploring for the second time—eagerly creating a new map of her favorite places. She kisses the hollow of Dani’s collarbones, presses her back into the cool tile of the shower wall and fucks her with her fingers, keeping an arm looped around her to keep her steady. It’s embarrassingly quick. Dani hadn’t realized how much she’d been wanting this.
“What do you like?” she asks, kissing down Jamie’s jaw, scrunching her nose when wet curls tickle her forehead.
“You,” Jamie says.
And Dani can work with that. Slips a hand down between Jamie’s legs. Kisses her and touches her, liking the way Jamie’s muscles move, the way her moans fill the bathroom, echoing off the tiles.
________
Saratoga Springs. Jamie buys Owen a postcard. Dani buys Flora and Miles hand-knit hats.
“How close are we?” Dani asks as they pass the border of New Hampshire.
Jamie shifts her sunglasses to her forehead and consults the atlas spread out on her lap. “Close,” she says.
Her hand finds Dani’s thigh and squeezes.
________
Three hours later, they’re in Vermont.
Jamie’s hand drifts up Dani’s thigh in excitement and Dani pulls over at a travel center a few minute later. Parks in the outskirts. Closes her eyes and tips her head back as Jamie undoes the button on her jeans and slips her hand inside.
“Where to now?” she asks, wiping her hand off on a paper napkin a little later as Dani catches her breath.
Dani catches her face in her palms. Kisses her hard. “Wherever you want,” she says.
________
Burlington is nice enough. Bigger than Dani had been picturing. Pretty.
They walk downtown, looking at all the shops, occasionally stopping to look into windows. As the sun sets, the lights come on in the streets, giving everything a sort of dreamlike, ethereal glow that makes Dani catch Jamie’s hand in her own.
There’s an empty storefront in between a pet store and a cafe and Jamie brings them to a stop there. She leans her hand against the window, looking into the dark space beyond the glass, and when she pulls away, she’s grinning.
“What?” Dani asks, raising an eyebrow.
“I just had a thought.”
“A good one?”
“Dani,” Jamie says, serious for the first time in a while. “I know you’ve said that you don’t want to...make plans, but...We could live here, yeah? Build a life? Together?”
Tears burn at Dani’s eyes. Jamie’s expression is the most honest one she’s ever seen. She thinks of that weight in her chest—the one she’s been carrying with her since they left. Thinks about how much lighter it feels when Jamie looks at her like that.
She’s been trying not to think about it. Trying not to wonder what might happen next.
It hasn’t been difficult. Jamie makes it easy for her.
It would be so easy, Dani thinks, to forget everything here.
“Is that what you want?” she asks, sniffling a little. “With me?”
Jamie smiles. Just like that. “With you?” she says. “I want as much as you’ll give me.”
There aren’t many people on the street. Just a few stragglers well up the road, and it’s getting dark. They’re standing in a shadow.
These are the excuses Dani gives herself before she kisses Jamie, right there on the sidewalk. Pulls her in and holds her as tightly as she can without breaking the other woman, without falling apart.
“I want that, too,” she whispers when she pulls away. “Anything with you.”
Something in her chest loosens. Jamie can’t stop grinning.
________
They cash Henry’s checks at a bank in town. Use them to lease the storefront and fill it with plants. Find an apartment nearby and do the same thing there. Buy a couch together. Cook meals. Slow dance to records as they wait for their food to finish cooking. Pick out sheets and towels together.
Jamie handpaints the name of their store on a ladder they borrow from the pet shop. Dani holds the base and laughs at every joke Jamie throws her way.
Easy things. Things Dani never knew to wish for.
They build a place they can call home.
...
Chapter 9: define “quick”
Notes:
fill for two prompts:
“Jamie and Dani first time,” and, “ If you write an alternative scene of the part where they're both in Dani's bedroom and Dani needs help with the zipper of her dress, I'll positively die.”
ft. some good ol’ fashioned fucking
Chapter Text
It’s a simple and innocent enough task. Just undo Dani’s zipper for her—just a little; just enough that she can do the rest on her own—and step back. Excuse herself. Go to Owen’s mother’s funeral and get on with it. There’s no reason for Jamie’s heart to be pounding the way it does when her fingers find that little, black zipper, and there’s certainly no cause for her hand to be shaking.
She needs to calm down. It’s just a favor for a friend. That’s all. Not like she hasn’t done this for a woman before.
It’s just, you know...usually in a different context. That’s what’s tripping her up.
And she’s telling herself to take a deep breath—to stop these unnecessary, borderline predatory thoughts about this woman she’s only ever held hands with. Once.
All Jamie has to do is what she’s been asked and then get out, and she really is doing that. But then her thumb accidentally brushes along the soft, pale skin of Dani’s back and everything freezes.
It’s not the touch. No, Jamie could have just as easily slipped away unscathed if that were all it were. It’s the noise. That breathy sigh that fills the air as their skin meets for the first time and Jamie has time to think she’s the one who’s made it—to start piecing together a groveling apology—before her brain catches up and she realized—
That was Dani’s noise. Not her own.
“I-I’m...sorry,” Dani says, her voice soft. She must be able to feel the way Jamie is stuck frozen behind her. “I didn’t mean to...Can we just forget that I…?”
That’s a good idea. Jamie has time to think so. But then she’s repeating the action—dizzy with the desire to hear that noise again—without deciding to exactly.
More deliberately, she brushes her thumb against that same spot, letting its pad drag slowly. Dani gasps again—this high-pitched noise that leaves Jamie reeling—but she doesn’t voice any protest.
It’s just the slightest touch. Nothing, really, but Jamie can feel the tension in the air building and building, fit to snap any moment. She should slow down, really, because they don’t really know each other that well and She’d only just found out two days ago that Dani was engaged before she came over from the states and—
“Jamie,” Dani whispers in a voice that makes Jamie’s knees feel wobbly.
Jamie shifts a little, trying to see Dani’s facial expression—trying to gauge whether or not she should back away—and she stills once she can see her profile. Her eyes are closed tight, like she’s trying to keep them that way, and her lower lip is caught between her teeth so Jamie decides to push her luck.
Might as well.
Leaning forward, she ducks her head in and presses her lips to the juncture of Dani’s neck and shoulder. Her mouth waters a little at the heat of Dani’s skin as she puckers her lips and Dani moans this time.
Honest-to-God moans.
“Do you want me to…” Jamie breathes, but Dani turns around then so they can look at each other.
Her eyes are dark, her tongue darting out to wet her lips, and Jamie’s no idiot; she knows what that look means.
This wasn’t the plan. She sort of wants to voice that aloud—that when she came in here, she wasn’t looking to seduce Dani or talk her out of her clothes. But now here they are.
She only gets as far as, “Dani,” and then she’s being kissed—furiously and fervidly, Dani’s hands reaching up to cup the back of Jamie’s head, pull her closer. There are soft breasts against her own, Dani’s sharp hip bone jutting into Jamie’s and a tongue flicking into her mouth, licking against her own, against the backs of her teeth.
Jamie stops resisting. Stops trying to rationalize this whole thing.
She grips Dani’s hips tight in her own hands, squeezes and pulls and rolls the material of that black dress between her fingers and palms. The light, sweet scent of Dani’s perfume fills her nose, her head, makes her veins feel like they’re filled with static. She can feel Dani’s fingers as they slip into her hair, tied up above the nape of her neck. They’re trembling and Jamie knows the feeling.
When her chest begins to ache, her lungs burning, and she needs air, she pulls back reluctantly and Dani presses their foreheads together. Her lipstick is smudged. Jamie can see that even through her somewhat blurry vision. She lifts a hand to wipe her lips clean and Dani’s lips chase her thumb.
“Sorry,” Jamie murmurs, their noses bumping together. “I didn’t want to—”
“It’s okay,” Dani says. She nods against Jamie’s forehead, her breath unsteady and her face flushed.
“This is...I don’t want to move too fast or-or—”
Dani cuts her off, shaking her head gently. “I want this,” she says, voice breaking a little from the emotion of the moment. Jamie’s stomach clenches and twists and she presses her thighs together where she’s standing. “I want this if you want this.”
Pulling back a little, Jamie glances at the clock beside Dani’s bed and frowns. It’s almost 3:15 and the funeral is at 4:00. There isn’t enough time for what she really wants to do—which is spread Dani out flat on her mattress, strip her bare, and explore every inch of her—but that doesn’t mean there’s not time for some things.
“We’d have to be quick,” Jamie whispers. “Can you be quick?”
Dani’s eyelids are a little hooded. She inhales shakily before answering. “Not usually,” she says. “But...I think that might be different today. With you.”
“Yeah?” Jamie asks, needing to hear the most important word before she lets herself pounce—lets herself give in to this wild energy ebbing and growing between them.
Dani nods. “Yes,” she says, and there it is.
There’s her green light.
Jamie kisses her again, pressing their bodies together until Dani wiggles away without breaking the kiss so she can push at her own dress. It falls from her shoulders and pools around her feet on the floor, leaving her in nothing more than a pair of pale pink panties.
“Christ,” Jamie breathes, taking a moment to look Dani over in the late afternoon light. “You’re gorgeous.”
Dani blushes and folds back into Jamie’s next embrace, humming as Jamie’s mouth finds the side of her neck, as her teeth nibble at her earlobe. Jamie dots kisses down to Dani’s collarbone, taking in that clean smell of soap—something florally—and then she keeps moving down her sternum.
Jamie can’t stop shaking. It’s strange because no one has ever had this effect on her before. She wasn’t even this nervous back when she did this with a woman for the first time, and she’d felt so out of her depth then that she’d almost been sick.
But there’s a heaviness that comes with pulling one of Dani’s nipples into her mouth, grazing her teeth against her areola. Like this isn’t the first time she’s done this and definitely won’t be the last. It’s strange. Jamie can’t help but wonder if they’ve loved one another before this lifetime.
If that’s maybe why this feels so natural.
Slowly, she backs Dani towards the bed and gets her to sit down on the edge of it. Immediately, Dani’s legs stop trembling as badly as they had been and Jamie is no longer worried she might collapse. She moves on to the other breast and Dani groans out something that sounds like a blend of Jamie’s name and a curse.
“God, Jamie,” Dani breathes next and when Jamie pulls her head back, her lips are parted and her hair is messy and she is the most beautiful thing Jamie has ever seen in her entire life. “Touch me. Please.”
“Okay,” Jamie agrees and it’s an odd position—she has to kind of straddle Dani on the edge of the bed in order to press the other woman back against the mattress and get the best angle—but they manage it. “Tell me if this is too much,” she whispers, slipping her hand down to the hem of Dani’s underwear, pulling at the elastic there and pinching it between her thumb and forefinger.
Dani’s eyes clenched shut and she’s got a vise grip on Jamie’s forearms, but she manages to nod in agreement. And then Jamie is cupping her through her panties, using the tips of her fingers to press into the spot Dani wants her through the damp fabric.
“Okay?” Jamie asks and Dani opens her eyes, nodding, her jaw dropped open as she pants a little.
“So good. Keep going.”
She digs her nails into Jamie’s arms for good measure, her thighs falling open so that Jamie can slot herself into place between them. Jamie’s not usually one for following orders, but she couldn’t deny Dani a thing in this moment. She could ask for the world and Jamie would do her damndest to give it to her.
Tucking her face into Dani’s shoulder, Jamie slips her fingers into her panties and slides them into the warmth and heat waiting for her there. The room spins around them as she sinks into the other woman with two fingers, making Dani gasp out a, “F-fucking hell, Jamie,” and arch her back.
“I’ve got you,” Jamie whispers, her fingers pumping in and out with a steady urgency that matches the beat of her own heart.
Dani slings a leg around Jamie’s hip, pulling her in closer, and Jamie keeps going, keeps moving, couldn’t stop if she tried and she’s not planning on trying anytime soon.
And Dani turns out to be right: it doesn’t take very long.
One moment she’s muttering, “Please, please, please, Jamie, oh—yes,” in a stream that’s nearly incoherent and then she’s pressing her lips against Jamie’s hair and her abdominal muscles are clenching and she’s—
Dani collapses back against the mattress, Jamie still lying half-on-top of her. Her chest rises and falls with shaky breaths and Jamie keeps her hand resting where it is between her legs for as long as she can before withdrawing it.
In the stillness that follows, she kisses Dani’s chin and nose and eyelids before settling on her lips and says, “So…” and trails off.
Dani opens her eyes and grins, still looking blissed-out and Jamie is trying very hard not to feel too proud of herself at that. “That was...woah,” she says, voice raspy from strain.
Jamie feels herself grin. “That’s one way to put it.”
They lay there another minute, content to just be pressed together. Dani combs her fingers through Jamie’s disheveled hair and Jamie keeps dropping her mouth to kiss Dani’s face and neck, wherever she can reach.
“Sorry,” Dani says after a little while. “I think I ruined your hair.”
Jamie laughs and pulls back a little, enough that she can run her hand through the style and confirm that Dani did, in fact, ruin her hair. She pulls the clip out of it and tucks it into her pocket. Below her, Dani is a delicious sprawl, half-naked and soft. Jamie longs to explore her some more, but she knows there isn’t time.
“This is why I usually don’t bother,” Jamie jokes and it’s Dani’s turn to laugh. She glances over her shoulder to that clock again to find that it’s nearly 3:30. “Shit, I should go.”
She gets to her feet and Dani sits up, watching as Jamie tries to sort out her ruffled clothing. In the quiet stillness of “after,” Dani covers her chest up with her arms, looking self-conscious, so Jamie looks her over and winks, shakes her head.
“You’re gorgeous,” she repeats. “I’ll keep tellin’ ya’ if ya’ like.”
Dani doesn’t seem to know what to do with that. Jamie wonders if anyone has ever been so honest with her and vows that she’ll do her best from here on out to make Dani understand her own worth.
“So are you,” Dani says. “I feel bad that I didn’t—”
Jamie shakes her head. “That’s okay. Later, yeah?” She pauses, hesitant. “There’ll be a later?”
But—
Nothing to fear. Dani’s smile lights up the room.
“There is definitely going to be a later.”
It’s 3:31. Jamie curses again and kisses Dani quickly as she starts to the door.
“If I come back to find you haven’t been relaxing,” she says as she goes, “there will be serious consequences.”
Dani, who has long since stopped bothering trying for any modesty, smiles at this—a dreadful, playful smirk that Jamie wants to kiss off her lips. “Promise?” she asks and, Lord.
Dani Clayton is going to be the death of her.
But what a way to go.
...
Chapter 10: like a weed
Notes:
fill for this prompt:
“Ok so I know youve already made Dani jealous one, so what about a Jamie jealous fic.”
ft. Dandelion & vanilla ice cream
Chapter Text
“Dani?”
Jamie’s voice punctures the air, the sound traveling through the apartment and resonating against the walls, being absorbed into the rug and the couch and the coats hung on the rack beside the door. It doesn’t, however, find the owner of the name, which makes her frown, eyes flicker from the kitchen to the hallway as she kicks off her shoes. She pads cross the floor softly in her socks, stopping to set the take out bag on the coffee table. As she approaches the hallway, she cranes her neck, trying to see, and finally finds her girlfriend, coming out of the bathroom.
Dani closes the door behind herself tightly, holding the knob with her hand behind her back and leaning against it. There’s a look on her face that Jamie can’t quite interpret. Something panicked and just the littlest bit excited, maybe.
“Hi,” Dani says. “You came home.”
Jamie frowns. “Yeah, been known to do that.” She nods at the bathroom door. “You okay?”
This gets her a nervous laugh and that look in Dani’s eyes that she’s come to greet with an inward reminder to brace herself for whatever is about to come next.
“Yeah. Fine. Dandy. Listen…” She trails off and bites her lip for a second, like she’s trying to will the words into existence before releasing them. “You have to promise not to get mad.”
Jamie’s eyebrows furrow together. “Okay…”
She waits.
“But I was coming back from the shop and I heard this sound in the alley over by the art store, so I followed it and I...I didn’t know what else to do. It’s January and it’s freezing and he’s just a—”
“ Who’s just a what?” Jamie asks, growing even more confused by the second.
She’s expecting a solid answer, but she doesn’t get one. Instead, Dani just opens the bathroom door and backs up into it, allowing room for Jamie to pass by and enter, which she does—albeit, slowly and carefully, like one might walk if they suspected landmines were hiding beneath the soil. The trouble is that her brain can’t even conjure a supposition on what might be awaiting her, so when she sees the scrawny, orange kitten in the bathtub, she’s more than a little surprised.
“Dani,” she begins, “it’s a…”
“Kitten,” Dani finishes. “And he was so scared and cold. I couldn’t just leave him there.”
Beside the tiny thing is a shallow plate filled with a little water. The kitten, sensing his new visitor, looks up and fixes his eyes on Jamie before releasing the most pathetic sound Jamie’s ever heard in her life.
Dani leans down and scoops the kitten into her arms, clutching him to her chest. He really is little, orange and striped with big, grey eyes that make him look all the more sad. Despite the surprise still settling in her bones, Jamie’s heart squeezes a little. Little guy left all alone, no parents, no food. Just the cold, cold winter in the darkened alley.
She knows what it’s like to be disenfranchised and abandoned like that.
Reaching out a careful hand, she offers her pointer finger for the kitten to sniff, which he does curiously. Once he’s finished, she rubs her fingertips against his fluffy head and resists the urge to coo at him.
“Hey there, tiny man,” she says softly. “You’re alright, aren’t you?”
When she glances up, Dani is half-love and half-relief. She knows what’s coming before Dani even opens her mouth to speak, so she decides to cut her off early.
“Fine,” she says. “We can keep him.”
Jamie makes this excited noise in the back of her throat and hugs the kitten tighter. He meows in response. “Thank you, thank you, thank you,” she says, the words a rush and, for a moment, Jamie thinks maybe Dani is going to lean in and kiss her and prepares herself for it, except—
Dani doesn’t kiss her. She does, however, press kisses all over the kitten’s tiny head. “You hear that?” she asks him in a voice Jamie’s never heard her use before. “We’re gonna be your mommies now.”
The word “mommies” catches in Jamie’s mind and she feels a smile bubbling up to her lips, but it’s cut off when the kitten gets another kiss. A moment later, Dani is swooping out of the bathroom, now that she doesn’t have to hide him anymore, and Jamie is left standing there.
“I’m good,” she grumbles to herself, aggravation lacing the edges of her tone as she picks up the plate out of the bathtub and heads for the kitchen. “S’not like I need love too.”
Dani is sitting on the floor, the kitten on the couch, and talking to him as he walks around slowly, exploring his new home.
And he’s a cat. A baby cat, at that. He definitely doesn’t notice the daggers Jamie is glaring his way.
______
Dani keeps tapping her foot nervously against the linoleum, a panicked little rhythm. She watches Dr. Razvi look the kitten over—weighing him, listening to his heart and breathing, feeling his little limbs and stomach—with wide, worried eyes.
Reaching out, Jamie pokes her knee and Dani turns her attention over to her. Jamie smiles, trying to relay that it’s okay, everything is fine, and it may take her a moment, but Dani smiles back.
“Well,” Dr. Razvi finally says, “he’s all good.”
“He is?” Dani asks eagerly.
Dr. Razvi nods. “He’s fine. Lungs are good, heart’s healthy. He’s a little underweight, but that’s expected given how you found him.” It’s strange; Dani nods rapidly to every word, eager to learn and understand and Jamie’s never seen her get this way about anything before. “I want to make sure he has his rabies and the first round of his other vaccines before he leaves today and then we can see him back here in about three to four weeks.”
On the examination table, the kitten squeaks. Dani and Dr. Razvi melt. Jamie glares.
He’s cute. Too cute. Dani won’t stop staring at him and it’s dumb to be envious of a kitten, maybe, but Jamie can’t help it. She’s grown used to being the center of Dani’s attention over the past three years and now this little guy is trying to steal her away.
She thinks some jealousy should be allowed.
______
On the drive home, Jamie sits in the passenger seat with the little demon on her lap. His little claws are like needles and he keeps digging them into her leg through her jeans every time they hit a bump.
“Quit it,” she admonishes, picking him up with one hand, but he doesn’t retract his claws as he goes, which means he ends up yanking a tiny hole in one spot. “Dammit.”
“He’s just scared,” Dani says, glancing over as they come to a stop at a red light.
“That’s no reason to destroy my clothes.”
“It’s just a tiny hole. You’ll be fine.”
No sympathy.
Lovely.
The damned cat meows again, this time at Jamie, as if suspending him in the air is some kind of terrible crime. She narrows her eyes at him and sets him back down.
“Don’t you dare,” she mumbles as Dani turns on her turn signal.
He dares.
By the time they pull up outside their apartment building, she’s got four more holes in her clothes.
______
Dani vetoes all the suggestions Jamie gives and settles on Dandelion as a name.
To be fair, most of Jamie’s ideas came from the Bible, particularly the passages involving demons, but, hey. They were fitting.
But maybe Dandelion is, too. Little weed, growing in her garden and spreading like wildfire.
______
Those first few nights with him go like this:
Jamie and Dani settle down to sleep, curl into one another. Jamie kisses Dani, pulls her close, trying to start something that Dani initially eagerly responds to. And then—
Dandelion chirps from the floor and Dani pushes gently at Jamie’s shoulders so she can reach down and scoop him up.
“He’s got his own bed,” Jamie complains each time.
“He’s scared down there by himself,” Dani defends.
And truly, he does have a bed. This soft, pillowy blue thing they picked up at the pet store, along with food and treats and way too many toys. He’s spoiled already and Dani is always so ready to spoil him more.
It’s a losing argument anyway. Dandelion sleeps curled up on Dani’s pillow and meows every time Jamie tries to get close.
He’s a gifted little moment ruiner, really, and Jamie is sort of impressed. Annoyed? Yes. Pissed? Yes. But impressed. She resorts to other places—pinning Dani to the counter in the kitchen, pressing her up against the front door—and it works just fine for a little while.
And then, one day, it’s Jamie who’s leaned back against the counter, gripping it tight as Dani kneels on the floor in front of her, undoing Jamie’s belt and unzipping her jeans. She pulls them down and her mouth is so close, almost there, and then Dandelion comes trotting into the kitchen, chirping happily at the sight of his favorite person so near to him on the ground.
The next thing Jamie knows, Dani is pulling away because he’s climbing up her shoulder and she’s laughing. Getting to her feet, already distracted by the orange menace. She at least kisses Jamie this time, apologizing and saying, “Later, okay? He’s just gonna keep trying now and I won’t be able to actually work.”
She laughs, plants another chaste kiss on Jamie’s lips and takes Dandelion into the living room to find his little wand with the feather at the end. Jamie pulls her pants back up and refastens her belt, cursing the kitten under her breath the entire time.
______
It’s not that she doesn’t like him. She does. He’s cute and sweet and loves to respond with his squeaks and meows whenever they talk to him. When he curls up in her lap, his purrs vibrate against her and she scratches him behind his ears.
There were cats that hung around her neighborhood growing up. Skinny things that ran if you got too close. She used to leave dinner scraps out on the porch on the off chance they were hungry and, though she never caught side of one, it was always gone when she left for school the next morning.
Truly, it’s not a matter of not liking Dandelion. Not at all.
It’s just that, with Dani, she’s really not used to sharing.
______
True to his name, Dandelion really does grow like a weed. Within a month, he’s already far from that half-starved baby he was when they found him. And with that, comes even more rambunctious behavior. He likes to knock things off shelves, like water cups and books. He also loves sitting on the back of the couch and flicking Jamie’s face with his tail when she’s just minding her own business.
They get along. For the most part, anyway. But Dandelion is far too obsessed with Dani in much the same way that Jamie is that they’re bound to butt heads.
Dani remains oblivious and Jamie doesn’t bring it up and Dandelion—in Jamie’s eyes, at least—just yucks it up from his happy perch in her girlfriend’s lap.
______
She’s halfway in the door—one foot pushing it open, arms full with three large, paper grocery bags—when it happens. It shouldn’t really be a surprise. Dandelion is chronically curious and he’s always trying to step out into the hallway when Jamie and Dani are coming and going, but, this time, he does it so quickly that Jamie hardly has time to react.
One second, he’s at the edge of the door and then he’s darting past her, past Dani, who is standing behind her. Dani makes this panicked noise of surprise that sounds sort of like Dandelion’s name and Jamie whips around to look, but Dandelion is gone.
Their apartment is only two stories up and right near the stairs, which means he could be just about anywhere.
“Shit,” Jamie says. “I was trying to— He got right past me—”
“Dandelion!” Dani calls, ignoring Jamie’s spluttering and sets her bags down on the floor of the hallway. A moment later, she’s jogging off down the hall towards the stairs.
Jamie scrambles to set her own bags down and drag Dani’s inside so she can shut the door. Dani meets her at the stairs, coming down from the third and top floor.
“He’s not up there,” she says and Jamie starts off down to the lobby.
Downstairs, the building manager, Kena, is sitting in her office. The windows by the mail boxes are flung open in an attempt to dispel some of the suffocating heat from the radiators.
Jamie panics at the sight. Distantly, she hears Dani speaking to Kena, asking if she’s seen a cat go by, but she’s already on her way outside and into the bracing February evening.
It’s early on a Friday night and the streets are abuzz with people heading out to dinner or the movies or anywhere that isn’t home. Cars rumble down the street and Jamie’s eyes can hardly focus on anything as she whips her head around, looking for any sign of him.
This stupid cat. She mumbles a quick, “Fuck,” and heads off down the street, looking around frantically as she goes.
Part of her is too scared to check the street, worried about what she may find, but she walks for a while with no sign of him there or anywhere. Her eyes feel hot, like there’s a pressure building behind them, and her heart is pounding and she immediately regrets every time she’s ever been annoyed by the cat.
He just wants affection. Just wants love and attention.
Just like Jamie does.
There’s a noise in an alley to her right as she approaches it—like boxes being knocked over—and she stops, looking down it and squinting to try and see a little better.
“Dandelion?” she calls, taking a few tentative steps towards the noise. “Where are you, you little shit?”
Still nothing. She keeps going, hope draining from her chest and making her feel deflated and numb. She’s just wondering how Dani is going to take this—how she’s going to take this—loss when her eyes adjust to the low light and she recognizes the shape by a dumpster.
“Asshole,” she mumbles, shaking her head. It’s hard to get the word out because it feels like there’s something choking up her throat. “You asshole .”
Dandelion meows and runs toward her, the fur on the ridge of his back stuck up and his eyes wide with fear. For all his curiosity and eagerness to see what lay behind the door of their apartment, he’s clearly realized what a mistake it was to run. He looks terrified.
Jamie bends at the waist and grabs him with her hands, pulling him into her arms. “Come here.”
Immediately, he begins purring, burrowing in closer like he understands that he’s safe, that he’s loved. For the first time, Jamie imagines him as he must have been when Dani found him—how little and frightened he must have been. How cold and alone. She knows the feeling.
She also knows what it’s like to be found in that place by Dani—to be brought into the warmth of her love and endless devotion. They have more in common, she realizes, than she might have thought before.
“You scared the hell out of me,” she says and Dandelion blinks slowly at her, leaning into her fingers as she scratches beneath his chin. “You can’t just run off like that.”
“Jamie?”
Dani’s voice rings out from the mouth of the alleyway and Jamie turns. At the sight of the kitten in her arms she gasps and then runs to meet them, her arms flinging around Jamie’s body to pull her into a hug.
“He’s okay,” Jamie tells her. “He’s a prick, but he’s okay.”
“He is not,” Dani says, swatting at her arm as she pulls away. She reaches out and pets Dandelion who cranes his head up to get closer.
Jamie offers him to her and Dani takes him, tucking him into her own arms and kissing his head as she gently sways back and forth. “He is,” she says. “And he’s absolutely spoiled rotten.” She reaches out and ruffles the long fur of his head affectionately like he’s a child instead of a kitten. “But that’s okay.”
It is.
Dani kisses her—this soft, lovely thing that lingers for a beat and makes her heart thump heavily against her ribs.
______
Their ice cream is half melted by the time they get home and their frozen chicken breasts are thawing. Dani sets Dandelion down and he runs off to explore his familiar territory and bathe himself. He doesn’t bother going near the door again, which is all well and good.
Later, they lay curled up on the couch, sharing a mostly-liquid bowl of vanilla, the TV flickering in the semi-dark. When Dandelion jumps up to join them this time, Jamie doesn’t flinch. She just adjusts as he curls up on both their laps at once and offers him the spoon to lick from.
She can share, she decides. There’s plenty of Dani to go around.
Chapter 11: war nurse
Notes:
fill for this prompt:
“can you write a fic where dani is sick and jamie is soft with her?”
ft. Flora’s gloves and Jamie the sweetie-pie
Chapter Text
The lamp on the bedside table warms the darkness of Dani’s eyelids as she comes back into herself from that floating, detached place she’d been drifting in and out of. The second thing she becomes aware of is that her head is pounding heavily at her temples, and then that her skin is covered in a layer of cold sweat.
She can’t breathe out of her nose.
Sitting up in a panic, vertigo strikes her and she nearly has to slump back down. Her bedroom wavers in front of her vision, her eyes unable to focus on one thing for too long. There are tissues on the table beside the lamp and she fumbles for one, blowing her nose into it until she can breathe again and then she coughs, hoarse and pained, into the elbow of her sweater.
“Miss Clayton!” Flora’s voice comes ringing through the loud humming in her head. “You’re awake.”
There are scrambling footsteps and then the whole bed shakes as Flora jumps onto it, landing on her knees and inching nearer. Dani groans weakly and leans her head back against her head board.
“You should go, sweetie,” she croaks. Flora’s face swims in her vision. She reaches out and brushes some of the hair from the little girl’s face. “I don’t want you to get sick.”
“I won’t! I’ve been very careful. Mrs. Grose gave me these.” She holds her hands up to show that she’s wearing thick mittens. “That way I don’t catch any germs.”
Dani laughs at the silly sight and winds up in a coughing fit that lasts for several long moments instead. Flora watches sympathetically and the rolling fog in Dani’s head starts to weaken and the memory of something that came before the darkness starts to filter in.
The garden. She’d been in the garden with Flora and Miles, coming back from a walk. Flora’s hand in hers, the pressure that’s been in her head for the last day and a half building and building and—
She’s not sure how she got here.
“Flora, what happened?” she asks, blinking her watery eyes to try and see better. It sounds like she’s whispering for how rough her voice has become. “We were—”
“You fainted!” Flora says. “I tried to wake you up, but you wouldn’t and so Miles ran for help and then Jamie came and found us and brought you inside.”
“She did?” Dani asks, trying to picture what that might have looked like.
Flora winces. “Well...actually, it was Owen who carried you, but Jamie got you settled and called the doctor and—”
The creaking of Dani’s bedroom door interrupts them and then Jamie there, in the doorway. She’s frowning at first, and saying, “Flora, let her—”
But then she realizes that Dani is awake and she stops speaking immediately, her jaw dropping open a little in surprise.
“She’s awake!” Flora announces.
Jamie nods. “I can see that, yeah.” She approaches slowly, trailing her hand up the blankets as she crosses the room until she’s on Dani’s side of the bed. “How are you feeling?”
And Dani wants to say that she feels terrible, but she feels woozy and a little like she’s drunk and the only thing she can focus on is the shape of Jamie’s mouth and shade of her eyes in the lamplight.
“You’re just unfair,” she says, her mouth feeling dry all of a sudden.
Jamie frowns. “What?”
“Your face,” Dani explains. “You’re too pretty. I hate it.”
Jamie laughs, sounding a little uneasy. “You do, huh?” she asks.
“No. Not really.” She sniffles a little and then is reminded that she can’t really breathe and huffs instead. “Come here.”
If she were able to focus on anything beyond the burning fever and pounding in her head, she might have noticed Jamie giving Flora a look, jerking her head towards the door. She might have even heard the little chirp a goodbye and scramble off the bed and out of the door.
Once she’s gone, Jamie sits down on the edge of the bed. Dani reaches up for her and Jamie’s hand meets her own, her other hand coming out to rest against Dani’s forehead.
“You’re burning up still,” she says.
“Yeah,” Dani says. “’Cause you’re here.”
She tries to wink and must fail terribly because Jamie laughs. Part of her aches at the realization that Jamie is actually seeing her at her worst—and won’t that scare her away—because they’ve only been doing the them thing for a little over two months—two sneaking around the house to get a spare minute alone; meeting up at Jamie’s apartment so they can fall into one another in that easy rhythm that’s becoming second nature; two months of holding hands beneath the dinner table and cheek-kisses and Jamie’s arm around Dani’s shoulders as they sit beside each other.
That’s not enough time, though, for Jamie to be exposed to Dani’s sick self. At the realization, she groans and closes her eyes. Jamie’s too pretty for her. She wants to crawl beneath the covers and disappear.
“Are you okay?” Jamie asks, her voice pitched soft. That hand on Dani’s forehead moves to cup her cheek and Dani opens her eyes.
“I look like a monster,” she explains. “You should leave.”
Another laugh. Dani’s glad at least one of them can find humor in the situation.
“You are not a monster,” Jamie tells her. She leans out and presses a kiss to Dani’s sweaty forehead—doesn’t even bat an eyelash as she pulls away. “You’re beautiful and silly and very sick. You had me worried, Poppins.”
Her eyes are welled up with unshed tears. Guilt prickles Dani’s chest. She coughs, turning her head away to do so—not enough strength to lift her arm to aim into. “Sorry,” she says. “Didn’t mean to.”
“Doc said you’re probably dehydrated. So drink.”
When Dani turns her head back, Jamie is holding up a glass of water with a curly straw in it. When she catches Dani looking at it, she shrugs. “It’s the kids’. That’s all they had.”
Dani shakes her head and leans in. “No, I love it,” she says and then she takes a long, long pull on it, closing her eyes in relief as the cool water hits the back of her dry, cracked throat. “I had those as a kid, too.”
“’Course you did,” Jamie says fondly. She sets the glass down on the bedside table. “Do you need anything else? Owen’s making you soup right now.”
If she weren’t already hot from the fever, Dani might have warmed at this. Whenever she was sick as a child, she was usually left to fend for herself. She has memories of her dad taking care of her before he died, but her mother could never be bothered. Unless Dani was actively tossing her cookies, she had to go to school. She was in charge of feeding herself, taking her medicine, all of those things that might have been nicer and easier if provided by a caretaker.
The point is:
She’s not used to this.
“I’m okay,” she says. “You should get in the bed. I like it when you’re in bed with me.”
She tries to wink again. Jamie laughs.
“Is that so?” she asks and Dani pouts.
“You’re making fun of me,” she says.
“I’m not. You’re just adorable.”
She doesn’t necessarily believe that, but Jamie is crawling over her a moment later, settling down on the other side of the bed and guiding Dani to lie down again. They lay facing one another, Jamie on her side, Dani’s head turned.
“You’re really nice,” Dani says after a moment. She loves the curve of Jamie’s brow, the curl of her hair, the way her cheek dimples when she does that little half-smile. “Like a war nurse.”
Another laugh. It shakes the bed. Dani hums at the sound.
“A war nurse?” Jamie asks.
Dani nods, her eyes drifting closed as exhaustion starts to settle back into her bones. “If I woke up and they had to amputate my leg, you’d be the first thing I’d want to see.”
Jamie silent for a long time. Dani is drifting off when a hand touches her stomach, thumb rubbing patterns in the fabric of her sweater.
“Me, too, Dani,” she says and Dani hums again. “Rest, okay? My heart’ll give out if you do that to me again, you hear?”
“Yes, ma’am,” Dani says and then giggles weakly at herself. “You’ll be here?”
Warm breath hits the side of her face. Lips press against her temple and the hold around her stomach tightens. In the moments before she falls asleep, she just barely hears Jamie say, “Always.”
...
Chapter 12: like Tarzan Boy
Notes:
fill for a discussion regarding sharing the same thoughts as your partner—particularly thinking about making a grocery list while having sex with them:
“Hahahh man the list about shared thoughts between an OTP is so good!! And why is the second one so accurate? Sometimes you do things, but you're not mentally present. So a million different thoughts go through your head. I just imagine Jamie trailing kisses down Dani's throat and going ‘Seriously Poppins? Chocolate fudge brownie mix does it for you?’”
Chapter Text
Dani has “Tarzan Boy” by Baltimore stuck in her head for the second day in a row. Jamie, who is helping a woman and her mother help pick out wedding flowers, throws her a dirty look Dani’s way. She’s at the counter in the back, putting together the arrangements for a funeral, and bobbing her head a little.
It’s infuriating and if Jamie weren’t professional and good at her job, she might yell over at Dani and tell her to quit it . As it is, she’s stuck listening to a fifty-year-old woman try to convince her daughter that geraniums are “too sexual” and will “send the wrong message.”
It isn’t until she’s got the order filled out and they’re alone that she can say anything at all and, by then, Dani is full out singing it under her breath.
“I hate you,” she says, hands on her hips as she stares her girlfriend down.
Dani looks up, her lips parted in shock. “What? Why?”
“That song, Poppins. That damn song.”
Realization dawns upon Dani’s expression. “Oh,” she sighs, then winces. “I’m sorry.”
“You should be!” Jamie gestures a little with her hand as she exclaims, too caught up in her own annoyance to care how silly it probably looks. “Two days! Two days of nothing but that goddamn yelling noise. I can’t take it anymore.”
Dani comes around the counter to grab Jamie’s upper arms in her hands. “I’ll think about something else,” she says. “Okay?”
“ Please .”
“On it!” Dani punctuates it with a kiss on Jamie’s cheek and then returns to her arrangement.
Two seconds later, Jamie’s mind fills with the brief image of herself, sitting on the couch in the back room, looking down with an expression Jamie’s never seen herself make but immediately understands. It’s Dani’s perspective she’s seeing herself from, whose hands run up Jamie’s thighs and start unbuttoning her jeans.
“Dani!” Jamie scolds, whipping around to look at her girlfriend, who is smirking a little now.
“What?” she asks, trying her best to sound innocent.
“You keep that up and we’re gonna have a different conversation.”
“Yeah?”
She wiggles her eyebrows. For Christ’s sake. She wiggles her eyebrows.
Jamie goes to the door and flips the CLOSED sign ten minutes early and locks the door. When she turns around, Dani is biting her lip in anticipation, already backing up to the back room. As soon as Jamie comes for her, moving quick and steady, she squeals, falling into Jamie’s arms as Jamie kicks the door shut behind them.
___________
“I hate you. I really, really do.”
“Why this time?”
“Because you’re thinking about adding hyancith’s to that damn arrangement with your hand down my pants.”
“Hey, don’t be jealous that I’m good at multi-tasking.”
“I’m not jealous, I just hate— Oh, God. No...you...you can’t read my t-thoughts for...for evil.”
“Really? ’Cause I’m pretty sure you were just thinking about me—”
“I hate you. I hate you, I hate you, I hate you, I—Dani, yes , right there—”
A hum. Dani drops to her knees and tugs Jamie’s jeans down to her knees with her free hand, pulling Jamie closer by the hips so her mouth has more room to work. Jamie tosses her head back, hands coming through Jamie’s hair and when she comes down just a few moments later, Dani rests her chin on her knee and looks up at her, smiling as Jamie blinks her eyes open.
“I really do hate you.”
“No, you don’t.”
“I do.”
Dani juts her lower lip out in a pout. “Why this time?”
Jamie glares, huffing out an annoyed breath. “Because now I’ve got the damn song stuck in my own head!”
Dani laughs. What else can she do?
..
Chapter 13: workplace romances
Notes:
fill for this prompt:
“Jamie x Dani ficlet idea: Stolen Moments Pt.2 😊✌🏾“
you can read the first part here in chapter 6.
ft. sex in the wine cellar & a wedding-crazed Flora
Chapter Text
Jamie’s hand is curved around one of Dani’s breasts, her fingers squeezing gently under her shirt, over her bra. The shelf behind her digs into her shoulder and she huffs out a pained groan, which makes Jamie stop and pull back.
“You okay?” she whispers, as if they’re not separated from the rest of the house by the thick floor and the heavy wine cellar door.
“Fine,” Dani says, but she shuffles her weight a little, trying to get comfortable where she’s leaned. It doesn’t work. Jamie starts to remove her hand, a look in her eyes like she thinks this must be over, and Dani darts a hand out and curls her fingers around her wrist. Pulls Jamie’s hand back to her breast. “That doesn’t mean stop.”
“I don’t want you to—” Jamie starts, but Dani cuts her off with a kiss.
“Come on. Before anyone notices we’re both gone.”
Jamie laughs and kisses her again, tugging Dani’s shirt up to rest at the top of her chest so she can access her breasts with her mouth.
It’s funny: they’ve only been sleeping together for a couple of weeks, and this already feels like second nature. Everything with Jamie feels like she’s already spent a lifetime going through the same motions over and over.
Except for the having sex standing up part. That’s going to be a first.
“Still good?” Jamie asks, her thumb pressing into the button of Dani’s jeans.
Dani kisses her hard, pulling her in and never wanting to let go. “So good,” she answers, meaning it with everything inside of her.
_______
“What are the rules for workplace romances when you work for a household?” Dani asks, fingers threaded through Jamie’s as they make their way slowly to Jamie’s truck. “Do we need to report it to someone?”
She’s joking, of course, but the idea is certainly an amusing one. Henry Wingrave’s face would likely turn the silliest color imaginable and wouldn’t that be a sight?
Jamie laughs, squeezing Dani’s fingers. “Might be best to save Henry the heart attack,” she jokes. “He might think we’re going to go for his valuables next.”
The night air bites at Dani’s nose. She shuffles closer to Jamie, trying to steal some of her warmth.
“Trust me,” she says, “if I was going to take off with the cutlery and candlesticks, I’d take you with me. I wouldn’t leave you behind.”
“Yeah?” Jamie asks.
“Yeah. Not sure how life as a vagabond would even be fun without you around.”
They’re at Jamie’s truck now, the bugs chirping in the grass nearby, and Dani realizes what it is she’s just implied. Based on the face Jamie is making, she must have picked up on it too.
“Not like...when I said ‘life,’ I meant—” she starts, but Jamie stops her.
“Do you...Is this something you want to do...Is this serious?” she asks. “Because...it’s serious for me and if it’s not for you, then—”
“It is,” Dani cuts in. “It’s serious for me too.”
“Oh.” Jamie stops, looking shocked and then happy. Her smile makes Dani’s stomach twist. “Oh. Okay. Good.”
_______
Four weeks in and Jamie picks Dani up for a date with a bouquet of flowers two hours after she leaves for the day. There’s dinner waiting for them at her flat, spread out on a table she’s made from stacked up milk crates covered in a grey top sheet. She helps Dani into her armchair and lights candles she has set up on her desk and kitchen counter, then sits on another milk crate, which makes her a head shorter than Dani.
But Dani doesn’t laugh because there’s a serious look in Jamie’s eyes as she explains where the food came from—Owen helping her cook it in the hours between work at his house; bringing it all back with his help—and she’s nervous. Dani reaches out and rests her own hand on Jamie’s to calm her.
Says, “It’s perfect. Thank you.”
Jamie exhales, relieved. “Yeah, of course,” she says. “Um...I know it’s just a month, but it’s—”
And maybe she’s worried that Dani might have thought it a silly thing to celebrate after having been in one relationship for so long, but it isn’t. This is a big deal.
“No, it’s not…” Dani squeezes her hand. “Happy anniversary,” she says and Jamie grins, wide and happy.
“Happy anniversary.”
They drink to it, clinking plastic cups filled with red wine together, laughing and warm and perfect . After, they have sex on Jamie’s bed, right on top of the covers, and Dani goes down on Jamie for the first time. Likes the way Jamie grips the sheets beneath her hands, tips her head back, says Dani’s name in this throaty voice that makes her shiver.
It’s perfect. Great. Best anniversary Dani’s ever had.
_______
“I’m going to just sneak out,” Jamie mumbles, her head ducked, embarrassed. “She won’t notice.”
Dani throws her a look. “Don’t you dare leave me alone with this,” she says.
“—and you could both wear dresses and I could throw the flowers. Jamie! The flowers! We could make the bouquet and it’ll be so splendid—”
Flora keeps going, breathlessly listing out all the ways she wants to make their wedding perfect. She’s already been going for five minutes straight, running around the house like a mad woman, drawing pictures of a wedding arch and happy, smiling stick people that are holding hands—her and Jamie, Danie assumes.
This wasn’t exactly how she wanted the children to find out about them—if they found out all, which she’d really been hoping they wouldn’t because of this behavior right now—but she’d been late that morning, having slept in with Jamie at her flat and it was a rush to get to the house. They’d taken a second to kiss goodbye in the entryway before running off to their respective jobs and—
They’d broken apart to the sound of Flora’s excited squeal.
Now she’s planning their wedding. Neither of them has had the heart to tell her they can’t get married yet.
“Miss Clayton, can I be your bridesmaid?” Flora asks. “I’ll be absolutely splendid at it! We can have tea and cakes and—”
Hannah, who’s been silently watching this from the doorway to the hall, Owen grinning beside her, laughs at this and shakes her head.
Jamie groans quietly and Dani slips her own arm into her girlfriend’s. “Yes, Flora,” she says. “Of course you can.”
This sends Flora into yet another happy ramble.
“She’s going to be so disappointed, you know,” Jamie whispers, her lips brushing against Dani’s ear.
Dani turns her head and gives her a serious look. “Only if you don’t ask me to marry you,” she says.
Jamie smiles. Shakes her head. Looks at Dani like she’s ridiculous. Like that’s half the reason she loves her. “Don’t tempt me.”
Dani laughs and kisses her cheek. Flora squeals again.
_______
There are other nights, too. So many of them. Spreading endlessly out, existing in infinity. Dani can hardly believe her luck.
...
Chapter 14: so much for discipline
Notes:
fill for this prompt:
“Bro listen, if you ever write anything about Dani and Jamie having a quickie in the back room of their flower shop or something???,,, I will cry so hard”
ft. a thirsty Dani & a green dress
Chapter Text
Dani’s never exactly prided herself on her self-control, but she at least used to think she was capable of it. She limits her sugar intake, watches how much coffee she drinks. Three or so times a week, she gets up early and goes for a jog around their neighborhood even though she hates running more than anything in the world.
And it certainly isn’t like she’s never seen Jamie wear a dress before—she’s been known to do so on occasion—and she’s lovely in anything, of course—Dani’s not blind —but there’s something to the way the green fabric drifts around her knees, the sunlight coming in through the windows of the shop and highlighting her brown curls, making her look almost angelic.
Dani’s having a little trouble breathing, if she’s being honest. And it’s silly because it’s in the middle of their business hours, on a boring Tuesday, and her mind is in a decidedly dirty place given the circumstances. And, sure, she’s been given to a wayward thought here or there when she’s just minding her own business and her mind begins to wander, but this is something else entirely.
Because all she can think about right now is all the surfaces she wants to pin Jamie against—the counter, the shelves, the wall, the floor—so she can ruck that dress up and—
Last night, Jamie kissed her, open-mouthed and lazy, against the counter in their kitchen and started pulling Dani’s clothes off before they even made it to the bedroom. Dani had become too enthralled with the lines around Jamie’s lips and she’d pressed her to the floor, pulled her jeans down, and had her right there.
Self-control. That’s the key. Discipline.
They have an apartment together. There’s only four more hours left until the shop closes and then they can go back to it and Dani can have her way with her girlfriend to her heart’s content, just like she has for the last eleven months they’ve been together.
That’s the proper thing to do. Obviously. Neither of them has necessarily been against trying new things, but they’ve always kept their activities to their home, or hotel rooms, or the car that one time. It’s not as if they can just—
“I was gonna run to the cafe down the street and grab some tea,” Jamie says, pulling Dani from her thoughts. “Do you want anything, baby?”
There’s something about the timbre of her voice that hits Dani in the chest, warming its way down her stomach and making her shiver. The dress sways around her knees, black stockings covering up the pale, soft skin of Jamie’s legs. It’s a cute thing, tapered at the waist and the slight roundness of Jamie’s hips makes Dani feel starving. The rich tone of the words is achingly comfortable. A million memories of the things it’s said play over in Dani’s mind. All those quiet you’re-so-beautiful ’s. Those breathy gasps, groans, words husked filthily into her ear as those clever fingers work between her legs.
She has to catch the counter with her hand to keep her trembling self upright.
“Dani?” Jamie prods kindly.
Dani looks up at her, green dress and curly, brown hair and gorgeous . She bites her lip to keep from making an embarrassing noise at the sight of her.
“Yeah, I do,” she says, and Jamie tilts her head curiously. “Come here.”
Jamie’s eyes widen. “What are you—” she begins, but then Dani turns on her heel and starts towards the back office before she can finish, calling back a, “Lock the doors and hurry, or I’ll start without you.”
The next thing she hears is the clatter of footsteps and the heavy lock being put into place.
______
“Poppins, what are you... Fuck .”
“What do you think I’m doing?”
A gasp.
“I...I think...Holy shit, are you—”
“Yes, Jamie. Now hush.”
“Yes, Ma’am. Fuck .”
______
Dani hadn’t exactly pictured herself spending her afternoon on her knees in front of her girlfriend when she woke up that morning. No, it had seemed like a perfectly ordinary day until she caught sight of Jamie’s chosen wardrobe. But it’s a welcome surprise.
“ Fuck ,” Jamie whispers, back arching as she lifts her torso away from the back of the office door. Her hands are resting on the top of Dani’s head, hips trying their hardest not to buck forward, as she mewls and pants. “You’re so fucking...That’s perfect...y-yes.”
Dani’s mouth is little too preoccupied to do anything but hum, but that seems more than good enough anyway because it makes Jamie squirm again.
This is completely unprofessional. They shouldn’t be having sex in their shop of all places. Dani knows this. But she also knows that the taboo aspect of it is probably why it’s so hot. And it isn’t as if she’s never thought about it. She’s certainly imagined bending Jamie over the counter and fucking her silly before.
It certainly isn’t the kind of thing the old, pre-Jamie her might have done, but she’s different now. More adventurous. Hungrier . Now she can hardly keep her hands off Jamie on a normal day, let alone on a day when she insists on wearing a skirt.
A skirt which is currently draped around Dani’s head, hiding her from view. But she doesn’t need to see Jamie to know how she looks.
Dani parts Jamie with her fingers and dips her tongue lowering, in and out and in again, sucking a little and then moving back up. She brings her hand up and slips two fingers in, making Jamie gasp and groan out her name again.
Her jaw is starting to ache a little, but it’s so worth it to feel Jamie shake against her like this. There’s nothing she loves more than making Jamie beg for it.
Jamie’s fingers fist into both the material of her own dress and Dani’s hair, which lies beneath it, so hard it almost hurts. Dani moans at the sensation and then Jamie comes, gasping out an,” Oh, God, Dani...Jesus.”
Dani waits a moment and then pulls away, lifting the dress up so she can see again. Jamie is trembling like a leaf when she helps Dani to her feet and she licks and kisses Dani’s chin and lips clean, which only makes the heat between Dani’s own legs all the worse.
“Good?” she asks once she pulls away, brushing some of Jamie’s hair out of her face.
Jamie hums, ducks her head down to kiss Dani’s neck. “Better than,” she says, pressing another kiss. “You’re fantastic at that, you know.”
“Stroke my ego, why don’t you?” Dani asks, laughing.
“Amongst other things.”
Jamie’s hand slips down and undoes the button of Dani’s trousers before slipping in and between her legs, fingers playing idly there.
Dani sighs, pressing her forehead into her girlfriend’s. “We’re going to have to open again soon,” she laments, and Jamie nods, slipping her fingers lower and lower.
“Yeah,” she agrees. “But not quite yet.”
...
Chapter 15: do you trust me?
Notes:
this is the follow up to chapter 7 and a fill for two prompts: one for early morning, lazy sex and:
Your dani x jamie dating ficlet made my heart jump in the best way🥰💕😊I was wondering if you would be interested writing a part 2 maybe? When you get the time of course.👍🏾
ft. dry contacts & sleeping in
Chapter Text
..
The sun is shining directly in her eyes, darting through the curtains from ninety-two million miles away to blind her as soon as she wakes up. She blinks her eyes open slowly and immediately regrets it. She’s cold. So cold. There’s an oscillating fan clicking away on the other side of the bed and her upper body is exposed to the cool air. She goes to cover up and then it happens—suddenly, as it usually does.
She sneezes.
The force of it makes her whole body shake and she sits up with the motion. Beside her, Jamie jumps into awareness, tense and bleary-eyed.
“Wha—?” she begins, only half-awake. “Poppins? Y’okay?” She turns her sleep concern toward Dani, her hand coming out to tentatively brush against the sharp bones of Dani’s spine.
Dani wants to lean back into the touch and sigh. It’s been only one night of Jamie’s hands on her skin and the buzzing in her veins that accompanies the touch has yet to subside. But, before she can, something even worse happens.
“Oh, no,” she mumbles as she slams her eyelids shut, pressing her fingers to them and gently rubbing delicate circles.
“Woah, hey. Dani? What’s wrong?”
Jamie is more awake now and Dani can feel her nervous gaze as it heats up the side of her face. “Headache,” she groans. “I slept in my contacts and my eyes are melting.”
“Shit. Hang on.”
The bed jostles and there are hurried footsteps against the floorboards as Jamie makes her way across her apartment. Dani can hear her moving around. She presses her fingers into her eyelids until she sees stars and tries to brush away some of the wetness leaking out and sliding down her cheeks. The hurried footsteps return and then Jamie is sitting down on the bed again.
“Here, I got a bowl you can put them in.”
“Okay.”
Dani reluctantly opens her eyes and carefully removes her painfully dry contacts, placing them gently in the small, clear container Jamie is holding out to her. Once they’re out, the world slides into a blurry haze. Her eyes still feel dry, but at least she no longer feels like they’re going to fall out.
Beside her, Jamie puts the tupperware lid on the container and sets it down on the table beside her bed before turning back. “Quite the wake up call,” she teases.
Dani groans. “I’m so sorry. I completely forgot.” Finally, she turns to look at the other woman as best as her poor vision will allow. The blurry watercolor in the shape of Jamie is naked. She’d forgotten, somehow, that they both are. “Oh, um...Hello.”
Jamie laughs. “Hello, yourself.”
Her face feels hot and she can hear the thud of her pulse behind her ears. “Um...what time is it?”
There’s a shuffle that involves Jamie grabbing for the alarm clock on the nightstand before the answer comes. “Just after five.”
“Oh,” Dani says. “I...It’s early. Do you need to—?”
She watches as Jamie scrubs a hand through her messy hair, curling back under the covers. “No,” she says. “I mean, um...I’m usually there around six, but it’s not like I—” She clears her throat. “Do you need to—?”
“The kids usually aren’t up until eight,” Dani says. She lies back down, turning to face her bed companion. There’s still a little distance between their bodies, but she can feel the steady push of Jamie’s breath against her face. This close, she can actually see Jamie with nearly perfect clarity—the way the sunlight is hitting her cheekbone and her pale, freckled shoulder.
“Okay.” Her eyes track the dip of Jamie’s grin—those teeth—remembering the way her lips feel against her skin. How she sighs into every kiss. “So...we can stay here for a little while. You know...if you want to.”
Dani thinks something along the lines of: yes, yes, yes.
Jamie scoots forward a little and Dani feels the warmth of her palm as it slides down to rest on her bare hip beneath the covers. Distantly, Dani hears herself sigh at the touch, leaning into it, which Jamie takes as the go-ahead to tilt her head up and press a few soft kisses along the dip of Dani’s shoulder and neck and jaw, making Dani giggle and squirm.
“Is this alright?” Jamie huffs breathily as Dani loops an arm around her, hauling her closer until the full length of their bodies are pressed together.
Dani tilts her head, giving her more room to work and bites her lip when Jamie’s tongue finds her earlobe. “More than,” she whispers. The hand on her hip grips tighter and then slips up her stomach to curve around her breast.
“And this?” Jamie murmurs.
“Yes.” Dani moves to cover the other woman’s hand with her own, encouraging her to squeeze. “Jamie...you have my permission to have sex with me, okay? Y’know...if that’s where this is heading, which I think it is. Just like you did last night. Please have sex with me.”
“Like I can say no to that,” Jamie says into another warm and open-mouthed kiss to Dani’s jaw.
She pulls Dani’s nipple between her fingers, making Dani gasp, making her reach up and run her fingers through that messy, brown hair and pull. A thigh slips between her legs then, pressing up. Dani makes a quiet noise in the back of her throat and runs her own hands down Jamie’s back, tracing the lines of her jutting shoulder blades, then digging her blunt nails into them. Jamie kisses her neck, breathes hot on her skin.
She’s never had this before—this lazy, early-morning touching. She can feel exhaustion plucking at her sore eyes and her muscles aching from the night before, but she is warm beneath the sheets and Jamie is touching her again. They move with the pace of two people who have nowhere better to be than in each other’s arms.
“I don’t know how I’m going to keep my hands to myself from now on,” Jamie mumbles, wrapping her arms higher, encouraging Dani to arch into her body.
Dani hums. Scratches her nails through Jamie’s hair. “Who says you have to?”
She blinks her eyes open to find Jamie looking her over. “Yeah?” she asks, and warmth pools in Dani’s stomach.
She feels passion-drunk in a way she never has before, dizzy from the way Jamie’s skin feels against her own. “Yes,” she whispers and kisses Jamie.
“I’ll keep that in mind,” Jamie says. She kisses Dani’s jaw again and Dani moans, beyond herself. “I want to try something.”
“What?” Dani asks, eyes drifting shut as Jamie’s lips press a kiss to her shoulders and ribs, soft and wonderful.
“Do you trust me?”
A kiss beside her bellybutton.
She’s never considered that question before, but she doesn’t even have to. Almost immediately, she breathes out, “ Yes ,” without hesitation. There’d always been a barrier between her and Eddie, best friends though they had been for most of their lives. There was a whole other side of her that Dani could never quite let him see. But, with Jamie, she feels like she could never even keep a secret from her, even if she wanted to.
Something inside of her recognizes something inside of Jamie. This is something she wasn’t ever sure she’d understand.
The next thing Jamie mumbles is, “C’mere,” and then pulls away and guides Dani up to her knees. She slides down, then, adjusting Dani as she goes and then her head is below Dani, face between her legs and Dani is gripping the headboard and breathing out through her nose hard as she looks down at her lover.
“Jamie,” she whines, almost like a warning, but even she’s not sure what it could be for.
“Say the word and we’ll stop,” Jamie tells her, but she’s pressing her mouth to Dani’s bare thighs and Dani can feel the flick of her tongue against her skin.
“ Never ,” Dani tells her and then slim fingers grip her hips and guide her down and Jamie’s mouth is right there, licking into her.
Dani throws her head back and grips the headboard with both hands, feel the tremble in her thighs as she tries not to collapse. “Jesus, Jamie,” she gasps. “Y-yes...yes, yes.”
And this is new and surprising. Not something she’s ever done before. And she hadn’t even considered the act of riding Jamie’s face at all , but now that she’s doing it— God —she can’t help wondering why the hell not . Any lingering exhaustion leaves her body immediately and suddenly Dani has never felt so awake in her life.
Heat winds itself up in the pit of her stomach—the same coil she’d felt spring at least four times the night before in this very bed. She’s breathing hard through her open mouth, muscles shaking and shaking and shaking. When she looks down, Jamie is watching her and Dani can’t—she’s—
“Jamie, yes, yes .”
Her mind goes blank, colors spiraling behind her eyelids and she falls forward onto the bed, palms spread flat to keep herself from crushing Jamie. There are gentle hands on her body then, guiding her into lying back down, and then lips that dot kisses over her face.
When she opens her eyes, Jamie is grinning, toothy and proud. “Welcome back,” she teases.
“Shut up,” Dani huffs, still trying to catch her breath.
“ You shut up.”
Dani reaches up and tiredly taps her fist against Jamie’s shoulder, making them both laugh. “Hang on,” she breathes. “Let me get the feeling back in my legs.
“Take your time.”
Jamie flops back on the mattress, looking all too pleased with herself.
“Stop that.”
“Stop what?”
“That stupid, proud smirk you’ve got.”
“This one?” She points a finger at her own smiling lips. “I think I’ll keep it.”
Dani rolls her eyes without an ounce of irritation. “You’re a child.” Even as she says it, Jamie pulling her closer to cradle Dani in her arms and Dani goes willingly, resting her head on Jamie’s sternum and idly drawing random patterns on the bare skin of her stomach with the tip of her forefinger.
“You love it.”
Dani nods against her shoulder. “Yeah, I really do.” Her eyes drift closed, already tired again. The muscles in her thighs are sore in a way they haven’t been since she first started jogging as a teenager. Even the muscles in her arms are quivering. She curls further into Jamie, sighing when the other woman begins trailing her fingertips up and down her spine. “Do you want me to—” she whispers, but Jamie cuts her off with a gentle kiss to her hair.
“I think you’d fall asleep before you could,” she jokes and Dani laughs, pressing a kiss to the underside of Jamie’s jaw. “Just sleep. We’ve still got time.”
She does. It’s amazing how easily. It’s not even been twelve hours of this safety between the pair of them, and somehow it already seems like something Dani has known her entire life.
..
Chapter 16: miss american pie
Notes:
fill for this prompt:
“Can you write Dani & Jamie’s first Thanksgiving in Vermont? Neither seems capable in the kitchen, but they give it a try. Takeout is inevitably ordered.”
ft. a burnt turkey & a miserable fire alarm
Chapter Text
“You’re a murderer.”
“No, I’m not.”
“You just killed it. In cold blood.”
“Well, it wouldn’t shut up, would it? And now it has.”
“Okay…”
“What?”
“I just...Part of me is wondering when you’re going to do that to me.”
Jamie stops fanning the air with the placemat in her hands and gives Dani a derisive look. Dani is smiling, biting her lip in that way she does when she thinks she’s being clever. Jamie’s heart gives a little squeeze at the sight, but she tries to look annoyed instead of absolutely in love.
“Shove off,” she says and Dani laughs. “And help me. Before the entire house smells like burnt turkey.”
Dani shakes her head, giving their broken fire alarm—pulled out of the ceiling in a fit by Jamie not two minutes earlier—a sad look where it lies in the trash bin. She leaves the kitchen and goes off to their bedroom, disappearing for a few moments and then returning with a fan. Plugging it in on one end of the kitchen, she points it toward the open windows on the other side and turns it to its highest setting. Immediately, the lingering smoke starts to swirl and billow as it pushes out the screens and outside into the cool, November afternoon.
“Should I call Owen?” she asks next, crossing her arms and cocking her hip to rest against the counter like she’s all-too-pleased with herself. Jamie isn’t sure why. It’s not like she’s only one who ruined dinner.
“Don’t,” Jamie says. “It’s getting late there and I don’t want to bother him again.”
She’s already made three collect calls to Paris asking for advice on basting and temperature settings today. Any more and she might swear off the practice of cooking entirely.
Setting the placemat down on the counter, Jamie looks over their dark and scorched turkey resting there with dismay. If mangling the fire alarm on its way to the bin was considered murder, she can’t help but wonder what setting a turkey on fire in the oven counts as.
“God, I’m such an idiot,” she says, dropping her face into her hands and slumping back against the fridge.
There’s barely a moment’s hesitation before steady arms wrap themselves around her body and pull her into an embrace. “You are not,” Dani tells her, soft and serious. “Do you know how many times my mom burnt the turkey when I was growing up?”
Jamie shakes her head, resting her forehead on Dani’s shoulder and closing her eyes.
“Pretty much all of them. And the worst part is, she always made me eat it anyway. It was...I mean, ‘terrible’ isn’t even a good enough word for it.”
Jamie’s shoulders shake with silent laughter. She’s seen pictures of Dani when she was younger—all chipmunk-cheeked and a mouth full of braces. She imagines her sitting at the table with her mother, making that face she always makes whenever she drinks soda with every bite.
“I just wanted to do this right,” Jamie mutters, embarrassed by the moment of raw honesty. She feels too emotional for this and part of her is embarrassed by the thought of getting all worked up over nothing. But this is their first major holiday living together and it’s her first Thanksgiving ever and she just wanted it to go well. “And now it’s ruined.”
“Hey, it’s not ruined.” She feels Dani press a kiss to the top of her head, grip tightening a little around Jamie’s body. “Just...surprising.”
Jamie chuckles wetly into Dani’s sweater, clutching her girlfriend closer. “That’s one way of saying it.”
“How about this?” Dani asks a moment later, pulling away so they can see one another again. She reaches out and cups Jamie’s face in her hands, running her thumbs beneath Jamie’s eyes to wipe away some of her smeared eyeliner. “You order out for food and I grab us some plates.”
“For what?” Jamie asks, frowning.
Dani smiles and pulls away, going to a paper bag that’s been resting on the pantry shelves for the last day, folded shut with “Do Not Open—I’m serious, Jamie” on the side in black marker. She grabs it and opens it up, rifling around for a moment before tugging out a round tin with a plastic cover on the top. She sets it on the counter triumphantly, letting out a cute little, “Ta-da!”
It’s an apple pie. Jamie’s only ever had it one time—at a restaurant they went to on their drive to Vermont all those months ago—and it’s the only American pie she can stand.
“Poppins,” she says slowly, “did you make this?”
Dani’s face does this amusing thing, twisting in confusion. “Oh, God, no,” she answers, shaking her head. “Believe me, it would look like our turkey if I had.” She throws an apologetic look to the still-steaming, blackened turkey. “Thank god for bakeries, huh?”
Jamie laughs and kisses her, right there in the kitchen. “Guess so,” she mumbles against Dani’s lips.
They order food from the Chinese restaurant just a few blocks away from their apartment building and, when she gets off the phone and informs Dani that it will take at least forty-five minutes for it to arrive, Dani smirks.
“I have an idea of how we can pass the time,” she says and Jamie knows that look. She knows it well. A spark ignites in the low of her stomach.
“Oh, yeah?” she asks.
Dani nods and grips the straps of Jamie’s overalls, tugging her toward the living room. “Yep.”
It’s a good idea, Jamie thinks as she’s being straddled on the couch a moment later. One of the better ones either of them has ever had.
..
Chapter 17: race ya’
Notes:
fill for this prompt:
“What is Damie's first interaction the morning after? Dani had to go get Flora ofc but does she get back before Jamie leaves her room? Do they tiptoe around Owen and Hannah in the kitchen but still steal a moment and a morning kiss?”
ft. early morning insecurities & a race to the shower
Chapter Text
It’s something, really, to wake to the sight of Jamie’s curly, bed-ruffled hair, the elegant line of her shoulder in the thin, anemic morning light. At some point in the night, she’d gotten up to go to the bathroom and Jamie rolled over onto her as soon as she was back in the bed, throwing her warm limbs over Dani’s body and tucking into her like they’d spent hundreds of nights sleeping side-by-side already. Like it wasn’t new and alien and absolutely monumental.
Dani is in bed with a woman. A woman she very much likes—who seems to like her back—who she’s kissed and touched and felt move beneath her. Her stomach does this... thing at the memory of it—the sounds Jamie made, the way her lips and hands felt all over her body. Part of her wants to scoot closer, do more than just arm around her waist—over the covers—but she’s still afraid of what will happen when Jamie wakes up. The last thing she wants to do is freak her out by being too forward.
She pulls away and goes to get up, just to go into the bathroom and maybe brush her teeth to try and remedy her morning breath. Her bra is on the floor where Jamie flung it last night and she pulls it on, going to her dresser and pulling out clean underwear and a shirt. A pair of jeans. A sweater.
There are marks up and down her ribs, the size of Jamie’s mouth and still red. Her heart feels like it might drum out of her chest if she lets herself think about that too much, but that’s okay because then there’s Flora out the window.
Flora sleepwalking and Flora scaring her and Dani runs faster than she’s ever run before, closing her bedroom door behind herself as she goes. Flora wakes in her arms. Comes back into herself. Doesn’t have an answer for any of Dani’s questions and isn’t that worrying?
She’ll have to call Henry again.
By the time she’s got Flora back in bed—tucked in safe and sound for the time being—and gotten back to her room, Jamie is awake. Sitting up in bed with the sheets tucked around herself. She looks lost in thought until the door shuts behind Dani and then her expression floods with relief as their eyes meet.
“Hey,” Dani greets. “You’re up.”
Jamie looks her over, eyebrow quirked. “So are you. Dressed, too.”
Dropping her gaze to inspect her own outfit, Dani gives a stuttering explanation that sounds sort of like, “Flora was sleepwalking again. I went out and got her. She’s okay.”
When she’s finished, Jamie is looking down at her hands, knees pulled up under the covers so they’re close to her chest, closing her off from the rest of the world. “Here I thought you ran off because you were freaking out or somethin’.”
Dani frowns. Begins drifting over towards the bed until she’s sitting on its edge, closer now. “Why would I freak out?” she asks, scared of the answer.
“Well,” Jamie says, finally looking up again. “Have a think.”
Dani looks away, remembering the way Jamie kissed her when she admitted that. Said something along the lines of, “Let me take care of you.”
“I’m...I’m fine. Totally...freak free,” Dani says. “Are you?”
Jamie’s cheeks are bright pink as she nods, bites her lip, says, “Yeah. I’m great. Just...y’know. Living the dream.”
Oh.
That’s when Dani remembers that Jamie is still naked beneath her sheets. In her bed. Where they had sex last night. More than once.
Holy crap.
No wonder the air between them feels so heavy.
“I didn’t...I didn’t run off,” Dani says. “I wouldn’t have. I...I know we didn’t really talk about it last night, but…” Fear grips Dani’s lungs tight, making the next breath hard, but she forces herself to continue. “I don’t want this to be a...a one-time thing...I want—”
The timidity, the worry that had been etching lines in Jamie’s forehead, immediately melt away. A smile blooms across her pretty, pink lips as she says, “Me, too.” A pause. “I...Can I kiss you? Would that be…?”
Dani traces Jamie’s face with her eyes, the mouth-shaped bruise on her neck that she put there. She wants to reach out and touch Jamie again. Beg to be touched in return. Instead, she nods. Says a simple, “Please,” and then Jamie is leaning forward—gorgeous and ruffled and still tired—and Dani does the same, meeting her halfway.
Jamie kisses her, lips softer than Dani remembers them being and she’s so surprised that it takes her a moment to remember that kissing isn’t usually a static act. She kisses Jamie back, reaching out to cup the base of her skull with her hand and pull her closer. It’s a slow kiss. Easy. Practiced. The kind of kiss two people share when they’ve begun to figure out what the other likes.
The familiarity that they already have with one another alone is almost enough to make Dani cry.
Jamie’s knees bump into her own, and then Jamie’s tongue is flicking into her mouth and Dani is making this embarrassing noise and then—
Footsteps. Little ones. Scurrying down the hall.
Dani pulls away. “The kids,” she whispers and Jamie nods, eyes still closed.
“Right,” she says. “Right.”
“I should…”
“Definitely.”
They stare at one another, neither quite willing to pull away yet.
“You know...Hannah is always up by now. She could...handle them for a few minutes. Just so I can...shower and everything,” Dani says, and Jamie must pick up on her meaning because she’s flushed now, all the way down her pale chest, and she’s nodding in agreement.
“Yeah, she can…She’s probably doing that as we speak.”
Dani frowns. Tries to gather her courage before saying, “Would you want to...join me?”
Jamie’s expression is one of fond amusement. Dani likes her so very much it feels like she could pass out from it.
Instead, she gets to her feet, shifting her weight back and forth nervously as she waits. There’s a huge part of her that is still terrified at the possibility that she’s overthinking this. That—despite their conversation the night before and everything else—someone like Jamie could never want her back.
But—
“Poppins,” Jamie begins, “that a serious offer?”
Dani nods. Resolute. “Y-yes,” she says, only a bit of stumble.
A grin. Her favorite kind—the one that lights Jamie’s eyes up, makes her whole face glow. The kind that makes Dani feel like she’s dying just the tiniest bit inside.
“Then,” Jamie says. She pauses a moment, looks over at the door to Dani’s bathroom. “Race ya’ there.”
In a flash, she’s up and off, darting across the short space and disappearing into the bathroom, leaving Dani to wonder how—despite everything—she could ever want for more than she has at this moment.
She doesn’t wonder long; she hears the shower turn on and the curtain being pulled back and she doesn’t let herself waste one more second.
..
Chapter 18: don’t bother looking down
Notes:
this isn’t technically a prompt fill for anyone but myself bc i love zombie AU’s and had to do one for these two. i’m putting it here bc i’m not sure it’s long enough that i want to bother putting it out on its own.
hopefully you like it.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Moving to London was going to be a new start. She was going to see the sights, get a job, meet new people, and—importantly—move on from everything she left behind in America.
Instead, the days are blurring together; Jamie teaches her how to hold a hammer, swaggers easy in her baggy over shirts, and cleans her shotgun at the kitchen table. Hannah flits from one side of the house to the other, trying to keep the kids happy, distracted and away from the doors. Owen makes meager meals from fruit and vegetables Jamie’s been growing in the garden and stops talking about his mom. About what happened.
Dani feels more than a little out of her depth, and not just in terms of location. At night, she curls into Jamie’s arms and says silly things like when all of this is over and i was looking for you my whole life .
Jamie says them back, kisses her hard. Doesn’t seem to mind how naive Dani is about this whole thing, how optimistic about the next thing—if there’s a next thing at all.
“Maybe it’s a good thing you weren’t in America when it went dark, Dani,” Owen says while Jamie smokes a cigarette in the garden, considering their supply needs in the sticky summer heat.
“Maybe,” Dani says. She hasn’t heard from her mother in months—since long before she’d left London—but the news stateside had been bleak before it stopped broadcasting entirely.
She spends a lot of time with Flora and Miles, but they are not children in the same way she was. Especially not now. She has no point of reference for what they’re going through. She can only guess based on her own situation.
Mostly, she thinks she’s luckiest to have Jamie because Jamie shoulders survival like she’s used to its weight. She says things like we’ll need more food if we’re going to make it long term and stay behind me, stay close . When they sweep the closest houses for survivors, for food, for medicine or anything else that might help, her hands hold her shotgun steady and she speaks in gestures and gives directions with a nod of her head. When Dani reaches out to hold her hand, Jamie presses their palms together and squeezes.
There’s a corner store at the edge of town that they empty of canned goods, but they don’t come out unscathed. One of those things had come up behind Jamie and Dani had taken it down with her fire poker—jabbing it like a spear into the thing’s eye just in time and sending herself clattering to the floor from the force of the blow.
Later, Jamie presses ice to Dani’s bruised shoulder while they listen to the radio in the sitting room. They only get one station these days, and it’s some guy holed up in his house making his own broadcasts. He lost his family—his son and wife—to this new world order and you can hear the loss of it in every word he says.
“Sometimes I think I’m going to wake up,” she says softly. “That this will have all been a dream.”
She’s sitting between Jamie’s legs on the floor, the hand Jamie’s not using to ice her shoulder caught between both of her own. She plays with her fingers idly. Mindlessly.
Owen takes a long drink from the wine bottle he’s holding. “I do that, too,” he says. “Keep thinking I’ll hear my mum banging on the wall of my room, needing something.”
“I took a karate class when I was ten,” Dani says, more to herself than anyone else. “But I wasn’t any good at it. And my mom wouldn’t let me be a girl scout.”
“What’s that?” Owen asks.
“It’s like a club. They sell cookies every year.”
“I don’t think selling cookies would have helped you much, dear,” Hannah muses, combing her fingers through Miles’s hair. She’s taking up the couch, the children draped over her, asleep.
This is the room they all share. Owen takes the corner by the door and there’s a pile of blankets in front of the fire that belongs to Jamie and Dani both. When they need more privacy, they usually find themselves upstairs—in the bedroom of the former governess, who quit to work with the children’s uncle in London.
None of them have heard from Henry or her in a while, so they’ve mostly been holding their breath while they wait for the kids to stop asking.
It was meant to be Dani’s bedroom, too, and had been for around two days. Then everything fell apart.
Jamie kisses the side of Dani’s neck, making her shiver. “You can sell me cookies anytime,” she whispers, the sentence laced with an innuendo Dani doesn’t quite understand.
“Only if you teach me how to shoot rats,” Dani tells her, turning her head so she can see Jamie’s face out of her right eye.
“Lots of things to shoot that’re bigger than rats these days, love. But I’ll show you. Whatever you like.”
Jamie has a habit of making the end of the world sound romantic. Dani’s never loved anyone for anything the way she loves Jamie for that.
At the beginning of the whole thing, Jamie hardly spoke to Dani. It wasn’t until she started making jokes about Dani being interested in Owen that she understood why. So Dani flirted with her and Jamie flirted back and it seemed like that was maybe all it would be.
But then there was that lady that stumbled onto the grounds, bleeding from her stomach and looking like she should have been dead ten times over. Dani had approached her, trying to offer help, and then the lady lunged at her, teeth bared—something fleshy stuck to her lips and gums like she’d just finished eating.
Dani shrieked and Jamie ran over, pulled the woman away, slamming her to the ground and saving her and—
Unfair as it may be, Jamie looks attractive with blood spattered across her clothes. Dani had taken a few seconds to wipe Jamie’s face with her own sleeve before kissing her in thanks.
Now they’re mastering the art of making each other come as quietly as possible while the rest of the room is asleep at night.
Her entire life, Dani’s been the kind of person to plan out her every move—to make a pros and cons list before any major life decisions. But that changes when you’re having near-death experiences almost daily.
These days, her only attitude is: hell, life is probably going to be short now; might as well fall in love.
She was half-in-love with Jamie after that first kiss, all the way in the first time Jamie shoved a hand down her pants in the greenhouse. You learn to take what you can get when you have blood staining your skin.
Flora turns half her dolls into monsters, uses red food dye as blood to stain their clothes and faces. Miles writes letters to his uncle that never get sent out because there isn't any post anymore. Dani tries to teach him long division to keep his mind off of it. Flora learns about the different types of weather and starts calling every minor inconvenience a “cumulonimbus” of a problem.
It’s better than them having to run or fight or do anything besides stay inside. However long it takes for things to return to normal, Dani thinks they should all be safe as long as they don’t stray too far.
Jamie has another take:
“We can’t keep them sheltered. They need to be ready to defend this place if they have to.”
Dani does not ask: From what?
She is scared of the answer.
She just reaches out and curls her hand around the curve of Jamie’s spine, runs her thumb up and down its bumps. Jamie accidentally steps on her foot as they move to get closer to one another—to meet in the middle. Sometimes, it’s hard for Dani to remember what her life was like before all of this. If this thought hits her while she’s in Jamie’s arms, it doesn’t seem like such a bad thing.
The windows upstairs go un-boarded. The ones in the bathroom are flung open to the late July air as Jamie and her curl up together in the bathtub. She scrubs the dirt from beneath Jamie’s nails, the blood caked up her forearms from their trip even further into town today. She kisses the bruises on her back, slides her fingers beneath the water, resting them on Jamie’s thigh.
Jamie leans back into her, like they’re made for one another, and it’s peaceful moments like these—the burning world still spinning them around in circles somewhere beyond the quiet cocoon of them —that Dani thinks they might be. Her skin and hands and lips are magnetized to Jamie’s and she would love her in any world, but this is the one they’re sharing right now.
She slips her hand further down, the water rippling with the movement of her arm, and Jamie’s head falls back against her shoulder. Her hot breath bathes the side of Dani’s face as she tilts, trying to press their lips together.
That night, they eat soup in the kitchen and listen to Owen tell a story from his boyhood that makes the children shriek with laughter. Dani tilts her chair so she can lean back against Jamie’s chest and closes her eyes to the sounds.
Still, they press further into town—getting greedy, or perhaps just paranoid. Owen comes with them, an old hunting rifle of Dominic Wingrave’s held unsteadily in his hands. There are monsters ambling up and down the streets most days, and it’s strange how it can be so quiet despite this. They walk through gardens and keep to sides of buildings as much as they can to avoid being seen.
Sometimes it doesn’t work and Owen will throw his body weight into one of them , pressing it into a wall so that Dani can stab her fire poker through its skull with clumsy movements.
In the old grocery store, they find more food than they can carry. Owen grabs things to can some of their homegrown food and vegetables, stuffs jams and yeast and flour into his bag until Jamie tells him to stop. Save some for later, or risk not being able to run.
If there are people in Bly who are still alive, they have not found any of them yet. Dani isn’t sure what will happen when they do. If they do. She knows how this world has changed the people around her, but cannot guess what it might have done to strangers.
Out in the rainy afternoon, trudging through the muddy grass back to the house, Dani lags behind so she can watch Jamie up ahead. The hold of her shoulders, the way she turns her head back and forth to make sure the way is clear. The way her hair curls in the humidity.
“It’s good to have someone,” Owen says. “She’s been alone as long as I’ve known her.”
“I’m lucky to have all of you,” Dani tells him and it’s true, but she’s thinking about Jamie the night before—the press of her palm over Dani’s mouth as her hand moved between Dani’s legs; trying to keep quiet; ears perked for the slightest sound or movement from the others, still sleeping in the darkness.
“We’re lucky, too,” Owen says next and Dani doesn’t ask him to elaborate.
It starts raining the moment they get back and Hannah helps Owen unload their bags in the kitchen. It’s a good day—a good find—and Dani tastes the salt of Jamie’s sweat as they collide into one another in the dining room, free from the gaze of the others. Dani kisses her like relief and victory and good enough for now , which is more than enough to be thankful for.
Jamie is the kind of person Dani always wanted to be. She fits into her own skin so easily, so readily, and the sprawl of her on their makeshift bed that night, Dani’s university jacket hung loosely around her shoulders, makes it feel like the die she’s holding these days is just the slightest bit loaded in her favor.
“We’re not dying, you know,” says Flora one night, as the summer begins to fade into fall. “We have each other.”
So the world ended, but its people didn’t. Couldn’t ever. Not even if they tried.
Miles agrees with her. Says things like our parents and our uncle and wouldn’t you agree, Mrs. Grose?
Something sparks in his and the eyes of his sister. There’s not much that can be done that they’re not already managing somehow. Together.
Everyone is silent for a very long time after they speak. Jamie looks between them all, wary of what might come next; one of them has to be, should be planning ahead. Hannah has the children and the windows she doesn’t look out of. Owen has Hannah and a working stove.
Dani has Jamie. She has the others. Most of the time, she is scared. The rest of it, she’s trying not to be.
Maybe it is romantic, holding Jamie’s hand under the table while the monsters amble through the trees outside, through the streets; the wind whistles through the boarded up windows and shifts through the grass and the leaves.
“We have each other,” Dani agrees and Jamie squeezes her hand.
Not a new start exactly, but close enough.
..
Notes:
the title is from the song “we fell in love in october” by girl in red.
Chapter 19: there’s a first time for everything
Notes:
longest chapter is strap-on chapter. no shame.
this is a fill for multiple (so many) requests for a strap-on ficlet. i have done it. this one is for all you thirsty folks out there.
ft. at-home dates & the color purple (not the movie)
Chapter Text
The shop is nearly ready to open by the end of their first July in Burlington. The summer up until that point had been spent getting everything ready—setting up contacts and getting licensed, buying and building shelves, filling the shop and on and on and on. They’ve been so busy—spending so many long hours running around—that, by the time they get back to their apartment, they’re usually too exhausted to do anything but go straight to sleep.
But then there comes a Tuesday night, so near August, when Dani stands at the counter, looking over the fruit of their labor with a smile on her face that makes Jamie’s stomach do this weird, twisting thing.
“Hey, Jay?” she says and Jamie stops adjusting the greeting card display and meets her eyes.
“Yeah?”
“I think we’re...I think we’re done.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah.”
Heat sticks to the back of Jamie’s neck, dripping a little onto the fabric of her t-shirt. She gathers her hair in one hand and holds it up and away, pulling the scrunchie of Dani’s she found forgotten in the back room off her wrist so she can tie it back. The evening light gives the whole airy space an orange glow that makes her feel like something is sparking and tingling in her chest. The way it hits the side of Dani’s face sort of makes her want to cry.
She doesn’t.
Instead she says, “Poppins?”
And Dani smiles at her. Says, “Yeah?”
“I think you’re right.”
She stops fidgeting with the display and pulls her pack of cigarettes from the front pocket of her overalls, pulling one out and sticking it between her lips. The sound of her lighter’s click feels too loud in the triumphant silence filling the air between them.
“Damn,” she sighs, letting the smoke billow out from between her parted lips. “Finally.”
Dani is watching her, eyes filled with that wonder that she gets sometimes when she looks at Jamie. Jamie can’t quite say she understands it, but she’s grateful—so grateful—to have someone who looks at her like that. Eventually, she comes drifting over to where Jamie is standing and puts one hand on Jamie’s waist, using the other to pluck the cigarette from her fingers and place it in her own mouth.
“We should celebrate,” she says and, this close, Jamie is reminding herself to breathe, watching the way the sunlight glows in Dani’s eyes—lighting up the two different colors in a way that makes them look like they match for a moment.
“How should we do that?” Jamie asks.
Dani gives her the cigarette back. “Dinner?”
“We do that every night,” Jamie says, shaking her head and laughing.
Reaching up, Dani brushes a curl from in front of Jamie’s eyes. “Sure, but we always get take-away,” she says. “We could go somewhere instead. Somewhere nice?”
Jamie considers the thought. Imagines them sitting in that bistro they went to back in Spring, when they’d just signed the lease to their apartment. And then, just as quickly, she remembers that night—Dani lying below her on that hotel mattress they slept on for two months straight. Writhing. Jamie straddling her lap, Dani’s hips grinding up and up and the face she’d made when she—
“How about,” Jamie says leaning in and letting her eyes follow the line of her lover’s jaw, the swell of her lips, and the sweep of her neck, “you go get us some food and I’ll meet you at home so we can celebrate alone?”
Dani sucks in a breath. Her fingers tighten on Jamie’s hip. “Why aren’t you coming with me?” she asks.
Jamie leans in and presses their lips together and Dani surges against her immediately, her hands drifting up Jamie’s shoulders and coming to rest in her hair. It’s a hard kiss, but it doesn’t last for long. Eventually, nervous that someone walking past the shop could see, they pull apart from one another without stepping away.
Dani’s cheeks are rosy and her blinking is slow, lust-dizzy and unhurried. Jamie grabs at her wrist and holds it.
“It’s a surprise,” she says simply and she knows by the way Dani draws in a sharp breath that she won’t argue any further.
______
By the time Jamie gets back, Dani has set up their little table by the windows with food and lit a few candles. From where she stands, paper bag tucked under her arm, Jamie spots Dani’s silhouette in the kitchen, trimming the stems of the bouquet that’s been on the island counter for a good few days.
“Hey,” she greets, smiling wide and easy. “What took you so long?”
Jamie’s heart leaps into her throat, remembering the quiet humiliation of purchasing the items in the bag. The cashier of the shop had been stoic and kind, hardly even blinking when Jamie came up to the counter, but it was certainly a first. She wonders if she’s ever going to calm down.
Knowing the direction she’d like the evening to go, she’s beginning to doubt it.
“Sorry,” Jamie says. “Longer walk than I thought.”
As her eyes adjust to the low light of the room, she realizes that Dani has changed clothes—that she’s now wearing a dress and she has her hair brushed out and falling in waves over her shoulders. Standing there in her overalls and t-shirt, she feels supremely underdressed.
Dani drifts over to her, still smiling, and takes Jamie’s face between her palms once she reaches her, kissing her soundly on the lips. “I missed you,” she whispers and it’s been almost eight months of this, but Jamie certainly knows how that feels—feels it to every time Dani leaves the room, whenever they’re apart, really, even if it’s only for a few minutes.
“Missed you, too,” she breathes against Dani’s mouth.
“What’s that?” Dani nods to the bag as she pulls away, a pretty frown twisting her lips.
Jamie’s stomach lurches in response. “After dinner,” she says. “Just let me go change.”
For some reason, this seems to catch Dani off guard. “Oh, you don’t have to—”
Shaking her head to cut her off, Jamie laughs and says, “Look at you. Far too pretty to have dinner with mangy, ol’ me.”
“Oh,” Dani says, flushing from the attention. “I like you how you are.”
And it’s sweet, it’s so sweet. But the stakes feel higher tonight and the fact that she knows why and Dani doesn’t only makes it worse.
“Just a minute,” Jamie says, gives Dani a peck on the lips, and goes to their bedroom.
She sets the bag down on the bed, keeps it closed and folded. The last thing she needs is for Dani to see it without warning her first. For a moment, she just stands there and stares at it. Thinks about her life and the way it is now. The way it used to be.
It’s amazing how much better off she is now. There’s no use in even comparing.
______
“So,” Dani says, taking a sip of her wine and fixing Jamie with a serious look from across the table.
“So,” Jamie mimics, doing the same. She knows what’s coming next, so she draws the word out. Makes it last. Tries to look casual even though she’s anything but.
“You’re gonna make me ask, aren’t you?”
Dani looks amused, one of her eyebrows lifted in curiosity.
She grins, hides her worry behind it and hopes it’s convincing. Says, “Yes, ma’am.”
The Dani that is sitting there across from Jamie, in an apartment they share, is different than the one Jamie first met at Bly. There are still dark times, to be certain, and life is hard—made only harder when you forever carry the weight of something that can’t be named. But that first night together, pressed together in Dani’s bed, set a precedent that they’ve done nothing but follow.
Jamie leads and Dani follows. It’s easier that way, to be sure. After all, Jamie is the one amongst them with the most experience, though she’d only had two partners before Dani. It was a whole other world that Dani had to discover and she’s still discovering new things all the time when they’re in bed together.
Tonight isn’t going to be any different.
But Dani does surprise her then, getting up from her seat and walking slowly around the table, skimming her fingers across the surface, before coming to a halt beside Jamie’s chair. She’s biting her lip in that way that never fails to drive Jamie mad and she knows the effect it has. With a gentle hand, she pushes back on Jamie’s shoulders until she gets the picture and scoots back, away from the table. In an instant, Dani is sitting sideways on her lap, arm looped around Jamie’s shoulders, and pressing their foreheads together.
“What are you planning?” she whispers, her breath sweet and cool.
“Why don’t I show you?” Jamie asks, wrapping her arms around Dani’s waist and holding her where she is. As she speaks, she leans up and presses a kiss to the underside of Dani’s jaw, dragging her lips across the tender skin and puckering them against the high of her cheekbone.
On her lap, Dani shifts a little, the sudden pressure making Jamie want to grip the other woman even tighter and grind up. Dani leans down and kisses her hungrily, tongue slipping into Jamie’s mouth and flicking, making her sigh.
After a moment, Dani pulls away and smooths her hands over Jamie’s hair. “Let’s go, then.”
She stands up again and Jamie feels suddenly cold without Dani’s warmth. She’s quick to stand, leaning down to blow out the candle on the table, and then she’s grabbing Dani’s wrist to pull her into the bedroom.
Once there, she goes to the bag still resting on the bag and picks it up, turning around and timidly offering it to her girlfriend. Dani takes it and—for all her begging to know—takes her time opening, as if she’s half-afraid it’s going to explode or something.
It doesn’t, of course. But the lighting in the room is good enough that she must be able to clearly make out what it is.
“Jamie…” she says slowly. “Is this…?”
Jamie nods as Dani lifts her eyes again. “Yeah, I...I thought that you might want to...try it?”
She’s not sure what she’s expecting exactly, but the fact that Dani barely even blinks, barely even hesitates, before pulling the box out of the bag, probably isn’t it.
Jamie had sort of thought that seeing the thing in her own home would make her feel less embarrassed about it, but it doesn’t. Her ears and cheeks are hot and she swallows thickly, waiting.
“How would we…?” Dani starts, looking between the box and Jamie, who is sitting on the edge of the bed now. “I mean...I know how , but—”
Jamie gets to her feet again and takes the box from Dani’s hands, opens it and looks down at the object itself. Somehow, it’s less intimidating than it seemed at the store.
“It’s…” Dani starts and Jamie nods in agreement. “ Very purple.” Her voice tilts up in amusement. She laughs and Jamie can’t help but laugh with her.
“It really is,” she agrees. She reaches down and pokes at the leather straps of the harness curiously. “This looks…” She picks one of the straps up with her fingers, looking at the buckles, “really complicated.”
“Oh my god,” Dani says and Jamie turns to look at her in surprise. “I thought you... knew .”
Oh, God. How is that the most embarrassing part of the evening?
“No,” she says quietly. “No, I...I haven’t ever done this before. But...I get the principle of it and I just sort of thought it might be something we’d...enjoy.”
The thin edge of panic in Dani’s eyes disappears immediately and then she’s kissing Jamie again, lips fevered and desperate. “Why does that turn me on so much?” she whispers, sucking at Jamie’s neck.
“What?” Jamie gasps, the box dropping from her hands and landing on the bed so she can grip Dani’s hips and pull her closer.
“That this is new for you too.”
Jamie’s mind is filled with a buzzing white noise. She inhales shakily, blood feeling like it’s burning, the muscles in her body throbbing like she’s on the precipice of something, like she’s about to fall off. The calm before the storm.
She pulls herself away and out of Dani’s grasp, chuckling a little at the helpless whining noise Dani makes at the loss. “We’re wearing too many clothes for this,” she explains.
Her fingers are trembling too much to be of much help with the buttons, but she somehow manages it, shucking down her suspenders as she goes. At the sight, Dani jumps into action, curling her arms at an odd angle to reach her own zipper so she can pull her dress off her shoulders, let it fall to pool around her feet—leaving her in nothing but her underwear.
Jamie’s mouth waters at the sight. The heady mix of adrenaline and arousal makes her clumsy at removing her trousers and underwear , but they come off eventually and then she’s standing at the edge of their bed, naked.
Dani takes a visibly shaky breath at the sight, reaching out one hand. “God, Jamie,” she whispers. “How are you so beautiful?”
Jamie smiles and takes the hand being offered to her. Dani is the only person she’s ever known around whom she can be truly vulnerable. And Dani is good at so many things, but this especially: making Jamie feel loved and beautiful, even while they’re both, apparently, half-mad from arousal and nervous.
Dani pulls her closer until they’re pressed together. Jamie traces the strap of Dani’s bra and presses a kiss to her forehead. “You are, too,” she whispers. She pushes the strap off her shoulder, then the other. “Take this off.”
Dani obeys, her hands shaking so badly that it takes a moment. Jamie helps her, the both of them giggling and pushing at it until it’s on the floor. Her underwear comes next, the pale fabric slipping down Dani’s skin and making the air in Jamie’s lungs feel too tight. “Come here,” she says, pulling Jamie closer.
This is a first that Jamie thinks she could get used to: Dani taking the initiative. She’s never minded starting things off, no. But it’s something to be guided by her girlfriend’s familiar and soft hands into the unfamiliar situation.
On the bed, Dani sits down first and pulls Jamie on top of her until she’s straddling her waist. Jamie leans in and cups Dani’s face. Dani jerks a little into the touch and Jamie has to bite back a whimper at the way her stomach feels between her legs.
“Fuck,” she breathes, and then a strong hand is cupping the back of her neck and Dani is leaning up and kissing her. It’s a messy kiss—hot and eager and without any clear destination in mind. It lacks almost any finesse, and their tongues slide together wetly, but it’s perfect. Dani tastes sweet like red wine and the air before a storm.
Jamie fumbles her hand down until she’s cupping Dani’s left breast, flicking her thumb at her nipple. Dani sighs and shifts beneath her, kissing harder. She does the same with the other breast and then presses hot, open-mouthed kisses down Dani’s neck. She pushes at her shoulders until Dani is lying down and Jamie’s cradled between her thighs.
They grind together hotly for a few minutes, Jamie’s mouth closing around each of Dani’s breasts in turn and then she decides that this is as much foreplay she can take. Close enough. She can’t wait any longer. From the way Dani is panting and mewling against her mouth, she’s not the only one who feels this way.
“What do you want?” she whispers, tilting Dani’s head so she can kiss her ear, scrape her teeth along the hinge of her jaw.
Dani makes a vaguely questioning noise, pressing her palms into the dip of Jamie’s spine to tug her closer. Her tongue flicks against the back of Jamie’s teeth and then it’s Jamie’s turn to gasp.
“Do you want me to…?” She’s not sure why, but she can’t quite finish the thought.
Fortunately, she doesn’t have to. Dani pulls back, looking at Jamie seriously, thinking it over carefully. There’s a pregnant pause that lingers for a beat too long and then, just as Jamie is beginning to feel like her heart is going to claw its way out of her chest, Dani says, “I want to wear it.”
And then: “Is that okay?”
Jamie makes this shocked noise at the image that flashes in her mind. “Yeah,” she says gently. “Jesus, Dani, yes, that’s okay.” The words sound fairly normal for the fact that she’s trying not to just shove Dani’s hand between her legs.
Silence for a beat—only the sound of their breathing and the faint sound of the cars outside the window and out on the street filling the room.
Finally, Jamie pulls away, hating the way the cool air chills its way over her skin, leaving goosebumps in its wake. The toy and the harness are still at the end of the bed where they were dropped and she sits back on her knees, pulling the plastic wrapping off and trying to put it together. Dani sits up, watching curiously, and getting it on her is quite the experience.
Especially because, at the end of it—after the struggle to figure out the buckles of the harness and the vaguely awkward act of getting it on Dani—Dani can’t stop giggling at it. Jamie has to admit that it does look a little silly and certainly an unfamiliar addition to her favorite person’s body, but she’s far too embarrassed to laugh.
Anxiety bumps its way around her stomach and chest as she forces herself to ask, “How do you want me?”
Something dark crosses Dani’s eyes at the question—something feral and wanting that Jamie has certainly seen before, but never like this. In an instant, Dani is lying on her back again and offering a hand to Jamie, guiding her to go on top. Clearly, Jamie’s not the only one who’s nervous—Dani is more than willing to fall back into her normal role.
Jamie maneuvers herself on top of Dani in a way that she can’t feel the toy sticking up from between Dani’s legs. She leans down and focuses on what she knows—kissing Dani, feeling her lips on her skin, running her fingers up and down her body—rather than on what she very, very much does not know.
She’s excited, yes, but still very nervous. Dani, seeming to sense this, runs her hands up and down Jamie’s body, pulling her closer. She sits up and there’s no longer any space between them. It changes the angle, and Jamie can feel the toy now a little. She bites back a moan.
“Are you okay?” Dani whispers, breath puffing out against Jamie’s neck.
Jamie nods, clutching her arms around Dani’s shoulders. “Yes,” she says. “Fuck, just—”
Dani chooses that moment to reach her hand down and press her fingers into Jamie, swirling around and making her shiver. “Is that good?”
Jamie nods, lips parted. She grinds down into the touch and gasps as Dani slips two fingers into her, getting her ready. “So good, baby.”
Any clarity and control she’s been able to muster thus far is quickly fading with each thrust and stretch of Dani’s fingers. She feels any and all rational thoughts being run from her mind entirely.
“Lay back,” she whispers, because that’s all she can manage to say telling—begging, really—Dani to just fuck her already.
Dani obeys, falling back against the bed and she’s an exquisite sight below. Her lips are parted, her eyes blown wide in that same wonderment she always has when they’re together like this. And this is like those times, of course, but it also isn’t and Jamie is completely overcome with the need to blow her mind.
Reaching back, Jamie wraps her fingers around the toy and then lifts herself to her knees, lining herself up. Rather than focusing on the way her stomach is twisting and flipping, she forces herself to watch Dani’s expression—that look of awe, eyes dark with arousal—as she sinks down slowly, sighing a little at the stretch. It’s certainly an adjustment, and Dani’s hands come up to lightly grasp her hips. She rubs her thumbs in gentle circles, trying to loosen Jamie up and get her to relax.
“You’re so beautiful,” Dani whispers.
Jamie smiles, reaching down a hand to rest flat against her girlfriend’s sternum. “You, too,” she says.
Once the pressure begins to alleviate a little, she lifts herself up slowly and covers one of Dani’s hands at her hips, encouraging her to thrust up gently. She bites the inside of her cheeks as the stretch changes and then sinks back down.
As she does, Dani’s breath hitches audibly, her eyes slipping closed. Jamie rocks her hips, repeating the motion curiously, and then Dani groans, thrusting up a little, like she can’t quite help herself.
It’s the harness, Jamie decides. While the sight of Dani below her and the motion of her hips—not to mention the fullness of it all—certainly sends an electric spark through her veins, the harness must be pressing down into Dani in a way that’s doing much the same.
If not more, based on the way she tightens her grip on Jamie’s hips with the third thrust, mumbling out a, “Please, Jay.”
God. Okay, then.
Jamie rolls herself up and then down, liking the way that Dani stares up at her with heavy eyelids, parted lips. “Please what?” she asks, trying to sound confident and only managing to sound breathy and desperate.
“Please don’t stop,” Dani answers.
Yeah. Jamie can do that.
A flame licks the low of her belly and she can feel her muscles beginning to tense up. Rather than giving into it like she very much would like to, she pushes it as far to the back of her mind as she can manage.
Instead of answering verbally, she rocks her hips up and then down again, an easy rhythm, as she watches Dani’s face. It’s something to be able to see the pleasure on her girlfriend’s face that she knows is on her own as well. The toy sits perfectly inside of her, textured and ridged a little at the base, making it brush against her clit every time she sinks down, and it gets harder and harder with each moment to keep from just giving into it.
Dani drifts her hands up and down Jamie’s back, brushing her palms over her nipples. Her hands are everywhere at once and her hips twitch every other thrust, a moan accompanying the move each time—shocked and open and completely uninhibited. Eventually, she forces herself to sit upright, changing the angle in a way that makes Jamie briefly think she’s going to slip. Especially when Dani kisses her, groaning against her lips and moving her hips up even harder to meet Jamie with each movement.
“Jamie,” Dani whispers, her face tucked into Jamie’s shoulder. “ Jesus, please, please.”
Jamie kisses her head, closes her own eyes against the pleasure jolting in her body, making her thighs tremble. “Come on, baby,” she whispers, tilting Dani’s face up so she can kiss her, press their foreheads together. “Can you come for me?”
Dani groans in response and it’s only a few more thrusts before it happens, wrapping her arms around Jamie’s body as she does it, muscles tensing and trembling. She comes with a rough moan pressed to Jamie’s collarbone and then falls still, still holding Jamie close as she catches her breath.
“Jeez,” Jamie hears her sigh after a few quiet moments. “I...I didn’t think it would be so…”
She pulls back and Jamie cups her face, kisses her forehead, her nose, her lips. “Neither did I,” she admits. “I’m guessing you liked it, then.”
The soft question, worlds different from the frantic, heated words from before, and they make Dani melt against her. “Understatement,” Dani answers and they kiss again, slow and steady and lazy.
“Yeah,” Jamie agrees, brushing Dani’s hair away from her face, smiling as Dani leans into the touch. “Understatement.”
They sit there for a little while—Jamie on Dani’s lap, their arms around one another—until the itching electricity in Jamie’s skin becomes too much and she begins to unconsciously rock a little against the toy still resting inside of her.
It only takes a second for Dani to realize what’s happening and then something mischievous glints in her eyes. She presses up into Jamie, pulling her closer with a coy smile. With another quick kiss, she falls back against the bed, her hands going to their familiar place on Jamie’s hips and then she’s thrusting up into Jamie with a speed and a ferocity that catches Jamie off guard.
Jamie gasps at the sensation. She reaches her own hands down to wrap around Dani’s wrists, encouraging her to lead, to take control. To not treat her like she’s going to break.
Thankfully, Dani listens. She rocks her hips faster, actually pushing Jamie up and pulling her back down with each one. One of her hands slips around to find Jamie’s clit with her fingers. Their skin slaps together, the sound mixed with their cursing and heavy breathing and almost obscene . But Jamie can’t even bring herself to worry about that—or their neighbors and the thin walls.
All she can focus on is the way Dani feels inside of her, the way her fingers tighten and dig into her skin. She’s never felt so vulnerable and exposed before and she can’t bring herself to care. Can’t do anything but love the way Dani is taking control. Stroking the flame. There’s a steady, buzzing thrum beneath her skin, not quite enough to make her buckle but close.
“Not gonna last long,” she gasps. She drops herself forward, falling to rest her weight on her upper arms on either side of Dani’s head so she can press their lips together. At the change of angle, their rhythm changes and it turns into a desperate sprint to the end.
“Fuck, Jamie...Me neither.”
She cries out as Dani fucks her harder, her fingers swirling around her clit, nails digging into her skin and making Jamie feel lightheaded. Just right. Perfect.
Jamie shatters.
As she does, she feels Dani below her, grinding up and finishing—can hear her own desperate noises as she quivers and shakes in the aftershocks. She collapses her weight down and Dani’s arms come up to wrap around her body. The burning heat between them begins to fade, pushed out by sheer exhaustion.
Eventually, Jamie sits up and pulls away, lying back on the bed while Dani undoes the buckles and sets the toy on the ground before lying back down.
“Tire you out?” Dani jokes, voice quiet.
Jami smiles and nods, eyes becoming heavy. “Very much.”
They don’t bother with clothes, just sliding beneath the covers and flicking the lamp off on their way. Jamie presses herself into Dani’s warm embrace, wishing dreamily that it were possible to climb inside another person’s existence.
“What a way to celebrate,” Dani says, stroking random patterns across the skin of Jamie’s shoulder.
Jamie nods loosely. This wasn’t the slow, careful lovemaking that they usually have. No, this was fast and carnal and simultaneously nothing she’d imagined and everything she wanted. She presses a kiss to Dani’s sternum.
“I’ll say,” she says softly.
Dani presses a kiss to the top of Jamie’s head, eyes drifting closed as sleep creeps closer and closer. “I’m so glad you’re here,” she whispers.
This isn’t the first time that Dani has said this in the time that they’ve been together, but it surprises Jamie in the same way every time. Love is different, funny. Strange in a way she’d never known it would be and she hasn’t said that word aloud yet, but she knows that she can. That Dani won’t run away.
That she’ll say it back.
And isn’t that something?
For now, she settles for closing her eyes and pressing her warm cheek to Dani’s skin. “I’m glad you’re here, too,” she manages.
Sleep finds them as they’re lying in their bed, in the home they’ve built, and isn’t that something, too?
..
Chapter 20: chick magnet
Notes:
fill for this prompt:
"Would you be open to writing a jamie x dani ficlet about them wanting to be parents or talking about having kids?" as well as another where my good bud, CPR, requested the two of them having "baby fever."
ft. formal handshakes & a baby triceratops
Chapter Text
It’s subtle when it starts. So subtle, in fact, that it takes Jamie a little while to notice that anything is happening at all.
One day, Dani is helping a woman in the shop who has a baby in her arms, pulled from the stroller tucked to the side so as to stay out of the way of other customers. It’s a cute kid, really—big, blue eyes filled with the innocent wonder of a brand-new human; frothy brown hair fluffed on its head. Jamie thinks it’s a boy, but it’s hard to tell. Eventually, she’s able to get a glimpse of the words on his onesie and then she knows for sure.
Chick Magnet.
Jamie’s eye roll almost gives her a headache.
She’s so annoyed by it that it takes her another minute to look at her girlfriend, who is cooing and fussing over the baby. Jamie’s near the back of the shop and not very close, but she can just make out the questions that Dani is asking the baby’s mother.
How old is he?
What’s his name?
Isn’t he just the sweetest thing?
And then the mother is offering the baby out and Dani is taking him, tucking him into her arms and bobbing him up and down a little. She speaks to him in this soft, high-pitched voice that Jamie’s never heard before, smiling so widely it looks like her cheeks could split from it.
She’s a vision—one that can still steal Jamie’s breath away even after six years together. When she looks up and catches Jamie’s eyes, she picks up the baby’s tiny fist and uses it to wave at her. Jamie’s heart flips. Squeezes.
Dani’s expression is bright and happy. Overjoyed, in fact. And it’s cute, but Jamie doesn’t necessarily think anything of it. Not then.
_________
As if some magic gate has opened after that first one, babies start popping up everywhere. Not just in their shop, but on the street, in their apartment complex, in the bread aisle of the grocery store, at every restaurant they visit.
Burlington isn’t a small city, no, but Jamie can’t help wondering if there’d been something in the water a year or more ago that resulted in the literal baby boom. And they’re cute, sure. Most of them like to catch Jamie’s eyes when she’s near and make strange faces at her, giggling when she mimics them.
She always finds Dani looking at her in amused wonder whenever she stops, her eyes shimmering with an idea only half-formed. Not ready to be unleashed quite yet.
_________
They’re at Sears when it happens, wandering around the looping store, trying to find the towel section. It’s a Monday morning—one of the days their shop is closed—and the store is fairly empty, but Jamie has seen at least two strollers with squirming, happy babies already.
Dani’s eyes had lingered on them for a beat too long and Jamie is starting to suspect that she should ask about that, but she hasn’t quite gathered the courage yet. Instead, she just holds Dani’s hand, their fingers tangled together with loose familiarity, as she lets herself be led around the store.
She’s so zoned out thinking about it all that she almost doesn’t notice when Dani comes to a stop and lets go of her, drifting away towards a rack of clothes. Once she does notice, Jamie’s saliva thickens in her throat, making her next swallow difficult.
They’re in the baby section. Dani is fussing with a rack of baby clothes.
“Oh my god, look how cute this is,” she says, and she picks up a hanger to show to Jamie.
It’s a pair of tiny overalls, a little flannel tucked into it. Jamie knows immediately why it’s caught Dani’s eyes and she feels heat blooming up her neck and across her face.
“Pretty cute,” she agrees.
Dani nods, still grinning down at it and then sets it back on the rack. After another moment of sifting through the clothes, she gasps, jaw dropping open in delight.
“What?” Jamie asks. She’s still standing out in the main aisle like a jerk, so she steps forward to stand beside Dani.
A green and white striped onesie. A tiny, blue triceratops on the chest.
Dani is holding it like it’s made of gold.
“I love this,” she says, almost like she’s admitting it to herself rather than to her wife.
And maybe it’s silly to be scared of the possibilities, but Jamie can’t help it. She’s had her own experiences with children too young to take care of themselves, and it hadn’t necessarily gone well. This was all with the added bonus of having never considered the ability to have any sort of family at all. As with most things, though, being with Dani continues to challenge her expectations in the best of ways.
Forcing herself to be brave, Jamie takes a deep breath and then says, “Dani, are you...Have you thought about it?” Dani looks up at her, eyes kind and questioning, waiting for something more specific. “Us,” Jamie says next. “Having a kid, or…”
Or what ?
She’s not certain.
But at least she’s gone and said it. Finally.
For all of her completely unsubtle pining, Dani still looks caught off guard by the question.
“I—” she starts, but she has to stop to clear her throat. “I mean...Is that...something you’d want?”
And fuck the past. Fuck it to hell because, “Yes. I...Yeah, I think I’d want that. With you.”
Dani is silent for a long moment. She’s still holding the onesie and that look of acute wonderment has yet to fade from her expression. This time, it’s fixed on Jamie’s face, looking her over as if searching for some sign of uncertainty that doesn’t exist.
“I want that with you, too,” she says finally, walking the words gently towards Jamie with a careful tone.
The jittery bump of Jamie’s pulse softens and she feels her cheeks stretch to accommodate her smile. “Really?” she asks.
Dani nods frantically. “Yes,” she says. “Really, really.”
Jamie moves forward, as if to kiss Dani, but stops when she notices an employee up in the toddler section straightening a display. There’s time for a kiss later. For more, too. For now, she just thrusts her hand out and Dani takes it with a lovely, little laugh, so they can shake on it.
“Do you want to…” Jamie begins. “I don’t really know how we’d—”
“We can figure it out,” Dani tells her. Like Jamie, she can’t seem to stop grinning either.
They can. They have time.
Jamie imagines the two of them at home, Dani happy and beaming, hands resting on her swollen belly while Jamie talks to it—their child. She imagines Dani in a hospital bed, a sleepy bundle in her arms and Jamie tucked into her side, marveling at the tiny human they’ve made. She imagines a house with a yard and a tiny tot roaming around it with Dani’s nose and Dani’s eyes, stumbling and playing and calling them both, “Mom.”
It’s quite a thought, really. They all are.
Something she never considered having.
They’re still holding hands like they’re concluding a business meeting and the whole thing is so ridiculous, so utopian that Jamie can’t stop laughing.
“I really want to kiss you right now,” she says, still shaking Dani’s hand, and Dani laughs.
“I want that, too.”
Jamie glances over Dani’s shoulder where the employee is still working, his back to them. Coming up the aisle is another young couple pushing a stroller, too fascinated with each other and their child to bother looking at either of them.
“Fuck it,” Jamie mutters and then she leans in and presses her lips to her wife’s, wrapping her arms around her neck to deepen it.
Dani sighs against her lips, pulling her closer, and kisses her back.
It only lasts a moment or two before they pull away, but they have all the time in the world. For it. For more .
“I love you,” Jamie says, resting one of her hands on Dani’s stomach through her sweater.
Ever the mind-reader, Dani beams, covering Jamie’s hand with her own. She says, “I love you, too.”
..
Chapter 21: good enough for me
Notes:
fill for this prompt:
"Would you mind writing a fic or ficlet about dani x jamie wedding?"
set in an AU where everything is the same save for Dani's sacrifice.
ft. a crying Owen & a Damie baby (not so much a baby)
Chapter Text
It’s a Tuesday when the news breaks. Dani is going through their mail in the back office, flipping through the junk mail and weekly savings coupons, and she pauses when she gets to the newspaper. Unfolds it carefully on the desk in front of the desktop. Blinks down at it thoughtfully.
“Huh,” she breathes, reading over the headline—bold, black letters saying words she’d never actually thought she would read.
It’s not that she hadn’t known—or even been a part—of the fight against the laws and the courts keeping so many people apart from one another. People like her and Jamie, like some of their friends, like everyone in the pulsing crowd parading across Burlington every June. There’s a ring on her finger, yes. One that’s been there for the last seventeen years, and a bundle of documents tucked in their safe at home declaring their civil union but…
Huh.
In a sort of dreamy daze, Dani gets to her feet, tucking the newspaper under her arm, and goes out into the shop. Jamie is sitting in the chair by the window, a book open on her lap. They’ve only been open for an hour and, with all their orders filled for the week, there’s precious little to do but sit around and enjoy the sunny September day.
There’s no reason to be nervous, not really, but the sight of Jamie has never failed to make Dani’s heart sing in tone and pitch too fevered to make her feel anything less than woefully in love. Even twenty-three years later.
Dani bites her lip and drifts over, closer, toying with her necklace—diamond, in the shape of an infinity symbol, the bottom shaped with the same hands, crown, and heart that adorn the ring on her left finger. A ten-year anniversary present that she’s worn every day for the last thirteen years.
Jamie looks up as she gets nearer, her smile as dazzling as the light shimmering on her graying hair, pulled away from her face for the day. She looks a little confused, and Dani knows it’s because they know one another far too well. There isn’t any way that Jamie can’t read her body language or read what is likely a very anxious expression on her face.
“Hey,” Dani greets, trying to sound collected. “Um…”
Jamie closes her book and frowns. “You alright?” she asks, always so concerned. So ready to jump to Dani’s defense.
Dani nods. “Yes. Perfect, actually, I just wanted to…” She trails off. Thinks it over. Finally, she says, “I know I’ve already...done this, but…” and then she gently lowers herself to one knee, setting the newspaper down on the ground so she can grab Jamie’s hands in her own.
“Dani, what are you—?” Jamie begins, but Dani cuts her off.
Says, “Jay, will you marry me?”
A sputtered laugh is the first response she gets. Then a, “We’re already—”
But Dani shakes her head. “No, I mean...I know we are, but...Would you want to...do it legally?”
“Legally?” Jamie asks, dumfounded.
Dani pulls one of her hands away from Jamie’s and picks up the newspaper, handing it over. She watches as Jamie opens it and looks it over, silent for what seems like forever. And then she looks up, all watery eyes and tearful smile and nods, the wrinkles around her eyes and mouth crinkling in that beautiful way they do.
In an instant, she’s out of her chair and kneeling on the floor, too. She wraps her arms around Dani’s neck, trembling in her arms as she tucks her face into Dani’s shoulder. She can feel the warmth of Jamie’s tears as they land on her neck and slip down her skin and into the fabric of her blouse.
“Is that a yes or…?” she jokes and Jamie pulls away, clutching her close the way she did all those years ago with that first proposal, standing there in the kitchen as the world shifted beneath their feet.
“It’s a yes,” Jamie says. “Of course it’s a yes.” She leans in and presses a quick kiss to Dani’s mouth. “That good enough for you?”
Dani gives a breathy laugh, cupping Jamie’s face and brushing away some of her tears. “Yeah,” she says. “That’s enough for me.”
They stay there together, kneeling on the floor, for a long while—hugging and kissing and marveling at the distance they’ve crossed together over the years. The life they’ve built.
___________________
There’s an inn in Warren, just an hour away, that they decide on and Henry flies in from California. Owen flies in from Paris. Flora, expecting her second child, sends her congratulations via her uncle and Miles calls them both from Los Angeles. Their most important friends make the drive, but the only real thing that matters is this:
Their fourteen-year-old daughter, Jack, serving as Maid of Honor to them both.
She insists on wearing an old dress of Dani’s, the one—she’s told—her mother wore that afternoon three years before she was born when she proposed. When her other mother said yes. It’s a little big on her, still growing and just as scrawny as Jamie, but she doesn’t stop grinning the whole time. Doesn’t stop sweeping in to hug her parents, squeeze them tightly and happily.
There are some traditions they allow for. Others that they break. They refuse to spend the night before apart, because they’ve been married, really, for so long already. There’s hardly a point to willful separation. The ceremony is just that: a ceremony. A chance to do things they hadn’t had the option to do almost two decades before. And, importantly, it’s for the legal document they’ll sign at the end, that they’ll file and keep a copy of and have for the rest of their lives.
Dani buys an actual wedding dress for the occasion, wanting to take advantage of the opportunity to have the real wedding they’ve been denied so far. And even though Jamie had been there when she’d picked it out, tried it on, and bought it, the sight of Dani wearing it as she comes down the aisle on Jack’s arm is almost too much for her to take.
When they’re standing there in front of the white arch covered with flowers they’d both picked out together—in front of the officiant and their daughter and their friends—Dani smiles, trying not to cry and says, “I love you.”
The ceremony hasn’t even really started yet, but already Owen is dabbing his eyes with a handkerchief, Henry is giving them a proud, beaming smile, and their daughter—
And Jack is sitting in the front row crying and smiling and holding Owen’s hands, watching her mothers as they are finally, finally given this simple, monumental privilege.
The cool, October breeze whispers through Jamie’s graying hair and she’s still the most beautiful thing Dani has ever seen.
“I love you, too,” she says. “Now shut up and marry me already, will ya’?”
..
Chapter 22: please stay
Notes:
fill for this heartbreaking prompt:
"hey love your dani/Jamie fics would love to see a story where dani tries to leave jamie earlier in the relationship because she thinks it would be less painful but obviously Jamie ain’t having that."
ft. an empty bed & an airport
Chapter Text
It would be a lie if Jamie said she hadn’t thought this would be a possibility—that she hasn’t feared this from the get-go. That first morning after , Dani had been different. Not entirely, no, but it was as if something inside of her was broken and she wasn’t sure where the pieces of it had gone. Like she’d woken up sightless and alone in a world that was not her own, that she didn’t know how to survive in.
Standing at the edge of a precipice and ready to tip over.
At the beginning, Dani tried to back out so many times. Tried to keep Jamie at arm’s-length, as if reminding her of the potential stakes would do anything to keep her from falling in love. From them falling in love. But it hadn’t worked and, eventually, Dani caved in. They fell in love and built a life together, a home together, and things were good. Fine even.
Dani hardly spoke about Bly or that night at all.
Yet Jamie is far from blindsided when she wakes up in their bed five years into their relationship to find Dani gone.
The day before had been perfect, really. At least until Dani came back to the shop in the evening with dinner, face pale and eyes wide like she’d just seen a ghost.
Now Jamie is wondering if maybe she had.
It’s still early and the sky isn’t all the way awake and Jamie reaches out her arm instinctively as she flutters her eyelids open, reaching for that familiar body she’s long-since memorized. Her hand meets empty air, flattens against cool sheets and then she wakes up all the way in a panic.
Dani is gone. In her place is a piece of paper, folded and set carefully in the center of her unused pillow. Jamie sits up, tucking the sheets around her bare body, and opens it. Skims the words.
Reads: Forgive me .
And: If I stay, it will only be harder for you.
And: I love you.
Jamie isn’t certain how long she sits there, clutching the letter in her hands, but she is aware of the lead in her legs, her bones heavy as stone, mind filling with cotton. No thoughts. Just a numbing cold.
Eventually, she manages to tear herself away and throw on the first clothes she can find, running out of the apartment with her keys in one hand and her shoes untied. She’s lucky, really, to find that their car is still parked outside, meaning that Dani either called a cab to where she’s going or she’s on foot, which means that Jamie might not be too late to catch her.
The air freshener Dani picked out in the store last week swings from the rearview mirror, strawberry shaped and scented and Jamie remembers standing in the checkout line with their groceries—Dani lifting the silly thing up and mimicking the cartoon face on the front. Eyes crossed. Tongue stuck out. And Jamie had distantly wondered if loving Dani too much could be the death of her.
Sometimes it certainly feels like it.
Like when they’re eating dinner together and Dani accidentally gets a bit of food or sauce on her face—the way she laughs and pushes at Jamie’s shoulders when Jamie leans across the table to lick it off.
Like when they’re tired from a long day and they can do nothing but fall onto the couch together the moment they get home—the way Dani pulls Jamie’s feet into her lap and massages them gently even though she’s just as exhausted as Jamie is.
Like the weekend they spent in New York City two years ago—how Dani stubbornly held Jamie’s hand everywhere they walked; how she teared up during the overture when they went to see The Phantom of the Opera ; how she bought a pair of “I Love New York” boxers and wore them to bed, where she pinned Jamie down to the mattress and smothered her with kisses until their laughter turned into sighs and moans and something else entirely.
And now, she’s speeding her way down the street in the direction of the airport, eyes roaming the sidewalks as she goes, looking for the familiar sight of her girlfriend. Her partner. The star-brimming love of her life.
There’s a pain in her side that digs its way in even further when she reaches the airport and hurries to park. It throbs sharply as she gets out of her car and rushes inside, looking around frantically for anything familiar.
The fear of being too late—of having missed Dani before she got on her flight; of not getting there in time for whatever it is Dani’s going to do—makes it feel like something has been carved out of her chest. She wants to be angry—wants to be livid that Dani would do this to her, to them . She wants a lot of things, but she can’t name any of them save for one:
Stop this from happening.
She checks the boards above ticketing, trying to find anything relevant. Finally, she spots a flight to London that’s set to board in forty-five minutes. Trying to walk as quickly as she can without running, she starts off toward the gate listed, zipping past families and business people all on their way in or out. All fine and normal and going about their lives with no idea as to what is at stake for the woman brushing past them without apology.
There’s a high-pitched ringing in Jamie’s ears. She feels like every single atom, every molecule, every inch of her is vibrating at a higher frequency than it should be. Her jaw is trembling and she has to clench it to keep her teeth from clacking together.
She’s trying to breathe normally, trying to pray to every deity she can think of that she isn’t too late, when she sees her: Dani. Sitting in one of the chairs in the mostly-empty space beside the gate.
She looks as exhausted as Jamie feels, wearing the same clothes she was last night. Her eyes are so bloodshot that Jamie can see it from fifteen feet away. That pain in her side aches and her chest is thumping hard against her ribs.
As lost in thought as Dani appears to be, curled up in that seat and looking like she’s just spent the last three hours crying, she doesn’t look up until Jamie is standing right in front of her.
“What the hell are you doing?” Jamie asks, unable to keep the anger out of the edges of the question.
Dani startles at her voice and looks up, blinking a few times when she sees who’s standing in front of her, as if she’s worried she may be dreaming. “Jamie?” she says. “What are you—?”
“No,” Jamie cuts in. “What are you ? Did you think you’d get away with leaving me in the middle of the night? Did you think I’d just let you go?”
There are a few people scattered around in other chairs nearby, and Jamie knows that they are probably watching this whole thing, but she can’t bring herself to calm down. She’s not sure how she’d even begin to try .
“Jamie, I—” Dani begins, and she looks like she might start crying again.
Jamie cuts her off. “No, you don’t get to do this, Dani,” she says, pointing a trembling finger. “You don’t get to just...do something like this without talking to me about it. You don’t get to decide this for the both of us.”
Slowly, Dani gets to her feet, and there’s still space between them, but neither of them tries to bridge it. Not yet.
“Jamie, I can’t just...I can’t just wait around for something to happen,” she says. “You don’t get it. Do you know how terrified I am every...every day that I’m going to just...hurt you or-or...I couldn’t stand it, Jay. I couldn’t stand losing you like that. I have to—”
“No, you don’t get it,” Jamie says. She wants to sound fierce and as angry as she knows she is, but, instead, her words come out broken and tearful. “You can’t just... leave me. Not like this. We have so much—”
“What if we don’t?” Dani asks. “Wouldn’t it be better for us to...for it to be like this than some other way?”
Jamie shakes her head, fixing Dani with a sardonic look. “Right. Because this is so much better. Me waking up to you just... gone . You not even saying goodbye just leaving me like this, tossing me away like what we have...what we are doesn’t even matter. I love you , you colossal prat. You can’t just—”
“It’s because I love you that I’m doing this, Jamie,” Dani cuts in, and, while her tone is still guarded, her voice is softer. “I couldn’t…” She sighs and turns a little, shoulders shaking from the effort to hold back her tears. She runs her fingers through her hair and closes her eyes for a moment.
She looks broken, defeated, and it slices right through Jamie’s chest. She’s surprised when she doesn’t fall to her knees. Because, if Dani is right about this—about all of it and about what is going to happen to her, to them —then…
Then it’s only a matter of time.
She looks at Dani standing there like she could fall apart at any moment, like she already has. Her shoulders slumped and Jamie realizes that she’s crying a minute too late to stop herself. Dani lifts her head and meets her eyes again, drawing her arms around her stomach, and this is her best fucking friend and the love of her life and Jamie is so in love with her.
“Couldn’t what?” Jamie asks, so much softer than anything else said so far.
She takes in the sight of Dani standing there—dark circles under her bloodshot eyes, her clothes ruffled and her lips sore from being bitten at.
“I couldn’t—” Dani starts, but she can’t finish the sentence.
It doesn’t matter. Jamie hears the rest anyway.
Hears: I couldn’t give you what you deserve.
And: I couldn’t do this to you anymore.
There’s something in Jamie’s chest about this—the end of the rope.
“I love you,” she says quietly. “Please don’t go. Not yet.”
It feels wrong doing this here, in the middle of the bustling airport, under the harsh fluorescent lights. There are strangers around them—they are so far from alone—and Jamie really wants to be in their home for this—thinks that, if they were surrounded by their things and their life , then Dani wouldn’t possibly argue.
Dani chokes back a sob. Her shoulders stutter, then stiffen. “Jamie,” she whispers. “I—” She jumps a little when Jamie reaches out and touches her arm. Before she can draw away, though, Dani darts her hand out and grabs her, holding her tight.
Something inside of Jamie is splintering and her legs are numb. She takes a deep breath and holds it for a second. On the exhale, she says, “Dani, please. I know that you’re...that you’re scared. I am, too. I’m so…” She breathes in again, shakily this time, curls her free hand into the fabric of her own shirt. “I don’t know what...I don’t know what’s going to happen, or... how . Or when. But I love you and I’m not ready to live without you. Please, please don’t make me try.”
There are probably millions of ways to say it, but this is the only way Jamie can manage in the moment. Her chest feels tighter and tighter with every aching heartbeat and time slows down just enough for Dani to blink, to part her lips, to look like she’s going to argue again, before she says, “Come here,” and cups the back of Jamie’s neck, tugging her into a firm kiss right there in the middle of the airport.
Jamie presses her body closer to Dani’s, fists her hands in blonde hair to pull her in harder. Distantly, she feels warm fingers fist the material of her shirt at the back and she kisses and kisses and kisses Dani. As long as she can.
That’s the plan, at least.
“Please stay,” Jamie whispers when they pull apart, panting, and Dani only hesitates for a second before nodding, tucking herself into Jamie’s arms like she never plans to leave and Jamie is fine with that. Perfect, even.
“Take me home,” Dani says into Jamie’s neck, arms still tight around her.
And time and past and future be damned, Jamie does just that.
..
Chapter 23: not a one
Notes:
fill for this prompt:
"Could you do a fic where flora wakes up in the middle of the night and while scanning her doll house sees Jamie’s doll in Dani’s room. She asks about it in the morning at breakfast innocently, hilarity ensues as Dani chokes on her tea."
ft. a sludge monster & a really close call
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
“Miles!” Flora calls without turning. “Stop moving my dolls!”
There’s a thud from his bedroom behind her. Flora ignores the sound and pets the doll version of Rebecca’s hair as she cradles it in her hands. Everything else seems to be in order. Owen’s doll is in the kitchen. Hannah’s doll is in the hallway. The others are scattered about in the usual places. So long as the Lady isn’t there, Flora has decided to be content about it.
Save for one thing:
Jamie’s doll is in Dani’s room.
Specifically, Jamie’s doll is in Dani’s bed .
But that doesn’t make any sense. Normally, when she wakes up, Jamie’s doll is nowhere to be seen. If she looks in the middle of the day, sometimes she’ll find her in the kitchen or the entry room. Some nights, Flora will go to bed with Hannah, Owen, Dani, and Jamie’s dolls in the sitting room or the kitchen.
“I didn’t move your dolls!” Miles calls back.
“Yes, you did!”
Footsteps through their shared bathroom and then Miles is standing behind her. “They look alright to me,” he says. “I didn’t touch them. I wouldn’t.”
“Then why is Jamie’s in Miss Clayton’s room?” Flora asks, pointing at the doll currently sharing Dani’s bed.
Miles is quiet for a long moment and then he shrugs. “Maybe that’s where she is,” he says, then steps away and heads for her bedroom door. “Let’s go. I want breakfast.” He flings her door open and thunders down the hallway to the stairs, Hannah calling after him to slow down.
Setting Rebecca’s doll down in the sitting room, Flora considers leaving Jamie where she is, but thinks better of it. She plucks the doll up and moves her down to the kitchen where Miles’s now is, setting her to stand by Owen, then gets up to get dressed.
__________
By the time she gets down to the kitchen, Jamie really is there, but so is Dani now. They’re sitting at the table with Miles and Owen, talking quietly to one another. Flora sits beside her brother in front of a plate of eggs and toast and watches them interact.
Dani always seems very happy when she’s talking to Jamie. Flora understands that. She likes Jamie too. Jamie’s funny and nice and really cool. Sometimes she lets Flora help her prune the roses, which she says is dangerous because of the shears they have to use. She said once that Flora is her favorite helper and Flora told her she was being silly because no one else ever really helps Jamie. She doesn’t normally let them.
“Good morning,” Flora says. Only Owen greeted her when she entered and it feels strange to sit in silence.
Immediately, Dani turns to her and grins. “Good morning, Flora,” she says. “Miles said you were already up and ready. Did you sleep okay?”
Flora nods and takes a crunching bite of her toast. “Yes, very well.” She swallows and looks between Jamie and Dani. “Were you in Miss Clayton’s bedroom today, Jamie?” she asks next, needing to know.
Three strange things happen when she does this:
First, Owen chokes on his water, Jamie gives him a dirty look, and Dani's eyes get so big that Flora’s worried they might pop.
“Sorry,” Owen says, wiping his face off with a napkin.
“Should be,” Jamie mutters.
He gives her a strange sort of smile that Flora doesn’t understand.
Finally, Jamie turns her attention to Flora, looking very serious and contemplative. Flora doesn’t like it when Jamie is serious. Usually it’s because she’s sad. Flora likes it when Jamie smiles and laughs because she’s very pretty when she does that.
But she isn’t doing that now.
“Why do you ask, poppet?” she says.
Flora nearly tells her the truth, but she doesn’t want to upset anyone. Sometimes the things in her dollhouse are upsetting. “I don’t know,” she answers.
Jamie stares her down. “Right.” A pause. “Well, yes, I was. I went to wish Miss Clayton a good morning.”
When Flora looks at Dani, Dani is hiding her face behind her mug, taking a long drink without looking at anyone. She’d like to say she knows when people are lying and she really thinks Jamie is, but she’s not sure why she would lie about that. Saying good morning doesn’t usually involve being in bed. At least, not in Flora’s experience.
Instead of prodding any further, Flora fixes Jamie with her best smile and says, “You could have done that at breakfast, silly.”
And Jamie smiles back which makes Flora almost immediately forget about anything else. “Yeah,” she says. “Suppose I could have.”
Dani is quiet for the rest of breakfast. She keeps giving Jamie looks that Flora doesn’t understand, but Flora is hungry and tired of being confused. She decides to let it go.
__________
That is, until that very night when she wakes up thirsty. It’s late and very dark in her bedroom, but the moon is shining in through her windows enough that she can make it to the bathroom. There’s a cup beside the sink and she has to lean forward really far to grab it so she can fill it up.
Back in her bedroom, she sits on her bed and sips at her water, looking over at her dollhouse. She normally keeps it open at night in case the Lady shows up, but she can’t see anything except for the shadowy shape of the house’s innards. In the dark, the whole blackened out inside looks like it’s breathing, pulsing. Like it’s alive.
Frightened, Flora quickly reaches for the lamp beside her bed and turns it on, spilling a little water on her rug in the process. It’s funny how normal it looks in the light. How it’s anything but despite its observable simplicity. It looks exactly as it had when she’d looked in on it before going to bed.
Except—
Jamie’s doll is in Dani’s bed again.
Specifically, Jamie’s doll is on top of Dani’s.
Flora splutters, fumbling to set her cup down and jumps to her feet hurrying out into the hallway. It’ll be tricky to open Dani’s door quietly and peek in just to see if Jamie really is in there or if there’s something truly strange going on.
Well, Flora thinks. Stranger .
The floorboards around Dani’s bedroom door squeak in some places, so Flora makes sure to set her feet carefully around those points. Holding her breath, she concentrates on trying to listen as closely as she can. Waiting for wet footsteps, maybe, or that sound Peter made when that ghost-white hand wrapped around his throat.
Maybe for Dani to scream.
She’s not really certain. But she’s shivering and it’s not because she’s cold.
She notices it after a few seconds—a squeaking sound. It’s strange, like the kind of noise her bed makes when she jumps up and down on it—which she doesn’t anymore because that’s for children , thank you.
Carefully, she reaches out and grasps the doorknob, the cool metal making her jump when it hits her palm. Taking a deep breath, she turns it and opens it just the slightest amount, peeking inside. It’s too dark to make out anything clearly, even darker than the hallway. Dani’s curtains are drawn, hiding the moon and any light that might have strayed inside.
Flora can’t see much save for the shapes on the bed, a big lumpy mass that’s moving a little. She’s not actually sure what it is and the thought terrifies her—makes her imagine the worst things possible. Some sort of giant, sludge-y monster that’s come out from the lake and come inside. And it ate Dani in her bed and now it’s going to come for her, too.
She makes a little noise and then takes a step backward. The floorboard creaks loudly under her foot and she gasps. The mass stops moving and she hears something that sounds like whispering so she pulls Dani’s door shut, turns on her heels, and runs back into her bedroom where she dives underneath her covers, pulling them up over her head.
The light from the lamp seeps through her blankets, pink and strange and her breath is coming out heavily, hotly. It’s too stuffy and she feels like she’s going to suffocate but if she moves, if that thing sees her —
As distracted as she is imagining all the different terrible ways this could end, she doesn’t hear her door open. Nor does she hear the footsteps coming towards her bed.
So when the blankets get pulled down, she shrieks, expecting some horribly monstrous thing . Instead, she is met by the sight of Dani—ruffled hair and flushed cheeks and her robe wrapped tightly around her body.
“Miss Clayton!” Flora cries, jumping up to throw her arms around the woman. “I was worried you’d been eaten!”
“Eaten?” Dani asks, hugging Flora back. “Honey, what—?”
“I thought something terrible happened! That some monster ate Jamie and ate you and was going to come for me next!”
Dani pulls away, holding Flora’s shoulders in her hands as she looks her over. “Did you have a nightmare?” She presses the back of her hand to Flora’s forehead for a moment before pulling it away. “You don’t have a fever,” she says, frowning.
“I’m not sick,” Flora says, shaking her head resolutely. “Jamie was in your bed and I thought it was because a monster ate her.” She points to her dollhouse and Dani looks, but it’s no use.
The dolls have already shifted. Flora is in her bedroom on her bed, Dani’s doll standing beside it, and Jamie’s is in the doorway. Flora lifts her eyes to see—
“Jamie! You’re alive!”
In a flash, she’s out of her bed and slamming her body into Jamie’s, wrapping her arms tightly around her waist. As excited as she is, she doesn’t notice that the only thing Jamie is wearing is a large t-shirt that hands mid-thigh, and she certainly doesn’t notice that it’s Dani’s.
“Alive?” she asks, placing one hand on Flora’s head and the other on her shoulder.
“She thought a monster ate us,” Dani explains. “Because she saw you in my bed.”
“She what ?” Jamie asks, sounding shocked and frightened.
Flora pulls away, wanting to reassure her. “I thought it had gotten you. Your doll was in Miss Clayton’s bed, so I thought—”
“Oh, Christ,” Jamie says, then winces and looks down at Flora. “Sorry.”
“I’ve heard you say that before,” Flora tells her.
Over her shoulder, Dani gives Jamie a stern look.
“That why you were hanging ’round outside Miss Clayton’s room?” Jamie asks and Flora nods.
“I was worried something terrible happened, so I went to look and that’s when I saw the... thing .”
“What thing?” Dani asks, her words rushed and panicked.
“The...black blob-y thing. But it must have just been a shadow,” Flora explains, then hesitates. “Jamie?”
Jamie is wild-eyed when she looks down at her. “Yeah?”
“What were you doing in Miss Clayton’s room?”
A long stretch of silence follows this, one that makes Flora fidget nervously. Dani and Jamie are looking at one another, having some sort of conversation without saying anything. Flora remembers her parents doing that before. It frustrates her when she doesn’t know what’s going on, and she’s just about to say that when Dani cuts in.
“She had a nightmare,” she says. “You know how when you get nightmares, you come in and I help you get back to sleep?”
Flora nods. Dani is very good at chasing away bad dreams. Her mom used to be good at it, too, but it’s nice to have someone again. “You were doing that for Jamie,” she says and Dani nods. Flora looks up at Jamie with a serious look on her face. “She’s very good at that. I hope you’re not afraid anymore.”
Jamie’s jaw is dropped open a little. She closes it, then opens it again. Says, “I’m not. All good now, yeah? Why don’t we get you back to bed?”
They do just that, Dani tucking Flora in and petting her hair, kissing her forehead and Flora snuggles warmly beneath her blankets. It should feel strange to have Jamie there to say goodnight, but it doesn’t. Flora watches as Jamie reaches out to hold Dani’s hand and decides that she rather likes it.
“Stay in bed, okay?” Dani says and Flora nods emphatically.
“You, too, Miss Clayton,” she reminds her and Dani nods, agrees.
“Goodnight, Flora.”
“Goodnight.”
On their way out, Flora thinks she hears Jamie say something like, “I’ll make sure you stay in bed.” Thinks maybe Dani giggles. Can’t be sure.
She falls asleep soon after that.
__________
The next morning, Jamie has breakfast with them again and her and Dani keep holding hands and smiling at one another. Owen notices, too, and winks at Flora, making her laugh.
“Did you have anymore nightmares, Jamie?” Flora asks, sipping her juice and swinging her legs in her chair, sun-happy and soft.
Jamie glances at Dani with a smirk then turns Flora’s way and says, “Not a one.”
..
Notes:
ghost boy just wants to make sure he's as accurate as possible. doin' the Lord's work.
Chapter 24: steady
Notes:
fill for a prompt my main dude CPR posted in the comments of the chapter i literally just wrote, which was this:
"Dani and Jamie gettin’ nasty but they have a guest over or something staying the night (maybe Owen visiting or something??) and they really wanna get down but they have to be quiet and shut each other up??"
ft. Dani as the little spoon & burnt eggs
Chapter Text
A hand brushes against Dani’s ribs beneath the covers, warm as it skins down her side to rest on her hip. The bed bounces a little as Jamie shuffles closer. Presses her nose into the back of Dani’s head. Kisses her ear.
“You smell really good,” she says softly and Dani laughs with her eyes closed, pressing back into her.
“Thanks. I bathe regularly.”
“You don’t say?”
Another kiss to her ear and then the fingers at her waist come up to wiggle into her side. Dani squirms and giggles at the sensation, trying to pull away from her girlfriend unsuccessfully.
“Stop,” she says, breathless.
Jamie does. Wraps her arms around Dani’s middle and pulls her back against her chest.
“You’re mean,” Dani says next.
“No, you’re just cute when you laugh like that. Your nose does this...thing. It’s becoming a bit of a problem, really.”
Dani hums. “Explain.”
Voice dropped to a whisper. Lips tickling the shell of her ear. “You’re criminally adorable. I hate it.”
“Wow, you know just what to say to a girl, huh?”
Jamie kisses her bare shoulder, then her neck again. Pulls her back and holds her tighter. Dani shifts a little, pressing her backside into Jamie’s pelvis and smiling when Jamie makes this contented noise in the back of her throat at the pressure. Teeth graze against her pulse point, then the underside of her jaw, and Dani can’t help the gasp that escapes at the touch.
One arm bent beneath her pillow, she grips the sheets and presses back even further. “Jamie,” she says, “Owen’s right outside.”
She imagines him lying out there on their pull-out sofa, jet-lagged and snoring softly, fast asleep. But she’s not exactly certain how thin their walls are and they’ve never had an occasion to test them out. Owen is the only person who's ever come to stay with them since they moved in. Plus, it’s not as if she’s quiet when her and Jamie are together. She’s not quite sure if she’s capable of it.
The thought of Owen hearing them is mortifying at best and she knows that she’d never be able to make eye contact with him again. But Jamie’s touch has a way of making her feel starved within moments. Her hands have found their way beneath Dani’s shirt, the palm of her right hand brushing up and down, stopping just beneath her breasts and right above the hem of her underwear.
“Do you want me to stop?” Jamie asks, not a teasing line, but a genuine question. Always seeking permission first.
“God, no ,” Dani says, pushing back again.
Jamie’s hips buck against her and she groans when Dani bends her right arm, reaching back to curl her fingers into messy brown hair. “Then you’re going to have to be quiet.” She nips at the skin of Dani’s shoulder and Dani curses under her breath. “Can you do that for me?”
Biting her lip, Dani nods, not trusting herself to speak. A moment later, Jamie’s fingers are slipping into her underwear and stroking her, long and soft. She gasps, slamming her eyes shut again as Jamie cradles her into her chest, sinking two of her fingers into her.
Jamie shushes her softly, sounding amused by the whole thing. With the way she’s spooning Dani from behind, she’s able to maneuver the arm she’s laying on beneath the other woman and get it into a good enough position. A second hand slips into Dani’s underwear and then there’s a finger slowly circling her clit.
The unhurried tempo Jamie is fucking her to makes Dani want to scream for more reasons than just one. Her right leg shakes as she lifts it up and crooks it awkwardly to give Jamie more room to work. She moans and Jamie shushes her again, shaking her head with a little laugh.
“You like this, don’t you? Trying to stay quiet. Knowing Owen's right out there. That he could hear you if you lose control for just one second,” she whispers, and Dani’s biting her lip so hard that she’s fairly certain she can taste blood. “Poppins, you naughty girl. Who knew?”
Dani wants to elbow her or hit her or say something to scold her because it's true, but Dani doesn't exactly want to admit to it. But if she does that, Jamie might stop. And if Jamie stops now, she thinks she might actually explode. So she just swallows down another moan and bucks her hips against Jamie’s hands, silently begging for more. And faster.
Jamie slips another finger into her, but doesn’t speed up and Dani grips her hair tighter, making the other woman hiss. Making her whisper, “Fuck,” and then finally, blessedly, fuck Dani harder.
Dani can feel her muscles as they start to tighten and the bed squeaks a little with their movements—she’s too far gone to feel even the slightest bit embarrassed that she’s practically humping Jamie’s hand. She just tugs her hair harder and turns her head to muffle her cries in her pillow as she comes.
She feels a hiss that sounds like her own name as it blazes across her skin, and Jamie keeps moving her hands, keeps pumping her fingers, until Dani finally stops shaking. Dotting kisses across Dani’s arm and shoulder—the side of her head and her ear—Jamie slowly pulls her hands out, wiping them on the sheets as she goes, laughing a little.
Once she regains the ability to move, Dani rolls in her arms and fixes her with a harsh look. “You’re evil,” she says, keeping her voice pitched low.
Jamie grins. “You love it.”
She does. Dani kisses her to prove it, then rests their foreheads together, listening carefully for any signs of movement from their living room. There aren't any. Just the distant sound of the fan they set up for Owen in there, clicking back and forth as it oscillates.
“I’m getting you back for that, you know,” Dani says.
“Yeah? How you gonna do that?”
It’s strange how brave Jamie has always made Dani feel. If she were to try and compare the person she was three years ago with the person she is now, she doesn’t think she’d find very many similarities. There are thousands of things she could thank Jamie for, but she’s not sure she’d be able to name them all in this or any lifetime.
So she settles for kissing her, knotting her fingers into her curls, pressing her down into the mattress and tugging at the ridiculous pair of men’s boxers Jamie insists on wearing to bed. Dani pushes her legs open and settles between them.
“Can you be quiet?” she asks, an echo of Jamie’s earlier words.
Gone is the smirking and confident woman from before. In her arms is Jamie half-melted, quivering and terrifying, really, because Dani has never loved anything so much in her life and she’s nodding and– “Please, Dani, please just—”
Dani kisses her. Lifts her shirt and presses her mouth to Jamie’s breasts, to the dip of her ribs. Breathes, “Steady,” against Jamie’s skin as she pulls those boxers down, then the underwear beneath them.
“Dani, just—”
Tongue between Jamie’s thighs, Dani can’t help but smile a little at the fact that Jamie is the one, apparently, who can’t keep quiet. Hands fist in her hair and so she flicks her tongue faster. Brings a hand up to slip her fingers into Jamie with a steady and far more gracious speed than she’d been allowed.
It’s over fast—incredibly so—and then it’s Dani’s turn to be proud and cocky.
Jamie comes with a gasp of, “Christ, Dani, yes, I’m—” and she arches so much into it that, when she falls back down, the bed thumps onto the floor and against the wall.
It’s not terribly loud, but it does a lot to break up the heavy silence in their apartment. If it weren’t so incredibly hot, Dani might already be worrying about the repercussions.
“Shit,” Jamie says as Dani kisses her way back up her body. “ Shit . He definitely heard that.”
Dani chuckles against her collarbone, kissing her there. “Probably.”
“Tomorrow’s going to be terrible, isn’t it?”
Lifting her head up, Dani nods. “Probably.”
A sharp tug at her hips and then Dani is lying on the bed, Jamie curled into her arms. Jamie is always so tactile and grasping after she comes, and Dani is always eager to fall into it.
She presses a kiss to Jamie’s sweaty head. “Worth it?”
Jamie nods against her chest, still trying to catch her breath. “Absolutely,” she huffs and Dani laughs and pulls her closer.
__________
Owen is already up and making breakfast when Dani gets up the next morning. She’d done her best to cover any marks Jamie might have left with makeup, but it hadn’t been easy and, since all of her turtlenecks need washed, she knows they’re visible.
“Morning,” she says, already treading carefully, and Owen isn’t facing her, but she can see the way he stiffens at her voice.
It takes him forever to turn and actually look at her and, even then, it’s nothing more than a glance. “Morning,” he says. “Got eggs on.”
“You’re a saint,” Dani sighs. She sits down at the island counter as the bedroom door opens again and Jamie comes out.
“I smell food,” she calls, coming over to where Dani is sitting. She rests her arm around her girlfriend’s shoulders and leans into her. “Sleep okay?”
And Dani knows what she’s doing. She bites the inside of her cheek to keep from laughing.
Owen nods. “Yeah, yeah,” he says. Then, “Loads better than you did, I reckon.”
Jamie frowns. “What?”
For the first time since Dani came out, Owen turns around, his eyes glimmering playfully in the early morning light. “Just sounded like you were up pretty late.”
Dani glances from him to Jamie, mouth dropped open in surprise. She can feel the urge to laugh building up in her chest, her shoulders shaking from the effort of pushing it down.
For a moment, there’s nothing but a stare down between Owen and Jamie, each of them on the verge of laughter but waiting to see who will break first. The eggs on the skillet sizzle and pop, but Owen doesn’t turn around. Jamie’s arm tightens around Dani’s shoulders.
“Don’t worry about us,” Jamie finally says. “We’re pretty used to late night slumber parties, aren’t we, Dani?”
The eggs end up burning.
..
Chapter 25: great(est) expectations
Notes:
fill for these prompts:
"could you possibly do a fic about dani and jamie where jamie is really protective of Dani? Like maybe a guy hits on dani and won't take no for an answer. or the other way around, where dani is really protective of jamie. I would very much like that too."
&
"Your fics are my favorite! Could you write one where some guy hitting on Dani too aggressively and won’t leave so Jamie has to step in? Maybe punches him, Dani takes care of her hand after and has a lot of feelings"
ft. a knight in shining flannel
Chapter Text
Growing up, the storybooks always made Dani think that heroes come in suits of armor. Broad-shouldered, tall, handsome strangers who wait for you at the bottom of the tower asking you to let down your hair, give them your heart, just let them save you and they’ll love you forever, promise. And there was something about that she never wanted—she’s never seen herself in that throne room or glass coffin or anywhere else where a princess might need saving.
Because, no. She doesn’t need any saving that she can’t provide for herself. And she knows that. Really, she does.
But then again, she’s never had anyone knock a guy on his ass for her. At least, not until—
____________________
Rewind.
The last night of Owen’s visit, they go to a bar in Burlington for drinks. It’s not a place they frequent, no, but it’s nearby and always seems busy. Certainly that can’t mean it’s unliked.
And it is nice enough. Clean booths, even if the benches are cracked vinyl, nice enough waitresses, good lighting and, importantly, not too loud. It’s a Friday, so it is fairly packed and it’s late, too, what with them having decided to come last minute after letting Owen cook them one more meal (“You’ll have plenty of leftovers,” he’d said, “so you won’t have to do take-out for a bit”; always trying to take care of them, even when he lives on the other side of the ocean).
He and Jamie are trying to outdrink one another, though neither of them had said this aloud. Dani sits beside her girlfriend, arm around her waist, and watches them fondly as some of Jamie’s beer dribbles down her chin. Somehow, she manages to finish before Owen does, and then she’s slamming her glass back down on the table in front of her, liquid spilling into her lap and Dani laughs.
“Oh my god,” she says, reaching across the table for the napkin holder. “You’re a mess.” She grabs a handful of them and turns Jamie’s head her way, mopping her face up while Jamie smiles and laughs at her own ridiculousness.
Owen stops drinking with just a splash left and sets his own mug down, shaking his head as he makes himself swallow. “I refuse to look like that,” he says, gesturing to her beer-stained flannel. “You win.”
“You refuse to look like what? A winner?” Jamie counters, a triumphant gleam in her eye that makes Dani sort of feel like swooning, even though that’s silly.
“A wet winner,” Dani amends and Jamie must be buzzed because her smirk only gets wider and she wiggles her eyebrows at Dani. “Stop.” Dani pretends to push her away as Jamie darts in quickly to plant a kiss on her cheek.
“God, stop being so bloody happy,” Owen complains, not an ounce of animosity in his voice or his expression. “You’re making me ill.”
“That’s probably because of the beer you just guzzled down,” Dani tells him and Jamie cackles.
“She’s got your number,” she says. She lifts her hand up then, burping into her fist and then apologizing and Dani rolls her eyes.
Sometimes, it’s a wonder that this is the same woman who could make her weak-kneed with just a look. More than anyone Dani has ever known in her life, Jamie contains multitudes.
“I’m gonna get you two some water,” Dani says, getting up.
Jamie throws her a happy grin and Owen gives a sincere, “Thank you,” that Dani waves off. She’s only a foot away from the two of them resume their childish bickering.
Slowly, Dani weaves her way through the other patrons and makes her way to the bar, keeping to herself as much as possible. It isn’t as if she’s been in many, but it seems strange, almost, how the atmosphere of the place can change with the types of people who choose to inhabit it. When they first arrived, the place seemed warm and friendly—lots of clean lines and light grays. A modern-looking chandelier strung above the main tables past the bar. An exposed brick wall beside the booths. Without too many people in it, the space had seemed almost bonhomous. Welcoming.
Now, as the evening grows later and people are getting more and more into their cups, it’s begun to lose some of what made it convivial.
So she tightens up her posture, holds her shoulders and head higher, and finds an empty space beside the bar to wait while the bartender assists someone else. There’s a song playing from the jukebox in the corner, but she can’t make out any of the words or even tell what key the melody is in. All she can hear is the distant, seemingly random scatter of an asynchronous beat.
“What have I done to deserve this ?”
It takes Dani a moment to realize that, despite the phrasing, the question is being asked in relation to her presence. There’s a man sitting on a stool beside where she’s standing and he’s looking at her with dark eyes that make her feel even more on display. He’s smartly dressed, like he’d come to the bar directly from his office, and his tie is loosened around his neck, the top buttons undone in a blatant show of after-hours leisure.
There’s something to the way he’s looking at her—the parting of his chapped lips—that makes her feel trapped. Makes her heart speed up in her chest.
“Excuse me?” she asks. Wanting to ignore him. Knowing in her heart of hearts that he will likely only persist even if she does.
“What brings a girl like you to a place like this?” he asks, eyes dancing with slight intoxication. Leering at her.
Dani taps her fingers against the bartop, a quiet prayer of, “Come on, come one, come on ,” escaping her lips as she stares down the busy bartender. Wanting a rescue. Wanting a way out.
“Did you hear me?” the man asks, and there’s a quality to his voice now that makes her feel even more on edge than before.
Dani decides that the best course of action is to simply play dumb. “Sorry?” she asks, turning his way again with a stiff smile.
He smirks. “I asked what a girl like you is doing in a place like this.”
“Um…” She clears her throat. “Waiting for the bartender.”
“Why don’t you sit down and stay a while.” He gestures at the empty stool beside him. “Let me buy you the next one.”
Dani presses her lips together. Takes a deep breath. “Thank you, but I’m uh...here with people.”
His expression darkens even further somehow. “Boyfriend?” he asks.
Her immediate reaction is to deny it because no . There is no boyfriend. Just her beautiful, silly, and very, very far away girlfriend. But then she thinks of Owen, also with them. Not necessarily intimidating, no, but another man at least.
She grits her teeth. “Yes, actually. Right over there.” She points to the booth where Owen and Jamie are still talking amongst themselves. The man follows her gaze and stares them down. As he does, Jamie perks up, frowning at the sight of him and catching Dani’s eyes.
If there were a way to send for an SOS, Dani would have done it already. Instead, she has to settle for hoping that, after three years together, Jamie might be able to simply read her mind.
“Him?” the man asks. He turns back around and fixes Dani with a hard look that makes her skin crawl.
“Yes,” Dani says. “Him.”
“He looks a little busy with your friend, wouldn’t you say?” He leans a little closer, and Dani jumps when she feels his hand touch her waist, trying to pull her in. “Come on, baby. One drink.”
“No, thank you.” Dani pulls away from him, anger flushing up her neck and chest. “And don’t call me that.”
He grips her arm next, a little too tightly, and Dani’s certain her heart is going to pound directly out of her chest. “What?” he asks, showing his teeth in a way that is so, so different than a smile. “Baby?”
Dani wrenches herself out of his grasp and pulls away. “Yes,” she says, a note of slight hysteria tinting the word. “Now—”
“Somethin’ the matter, Poppins?”
It’s as if her lungs can finally expand when Dani hears Jamie’s voice, feels her warm, gentle hand on her waist. Immediately, she leans into the touch and turns to meet the worried, heated gaze of her girlfriend. She opens her mouth to say something, to ask for Jamie to please, please get her out of here, but she’s cut off by an irritated, “Oh,” coming from the man on the stool.
When she turns, he’s looking between them knowingly, eyes tracing the way Dani has turned herself into Jamie’s touch.
“I didn’t realize you were one of them ,” he spits.
Something hot and panicked shoots through Dani’s chest at his words, like lightning, like a bullet. She feels rather than sees Jamie stiffen beside her, pull herself up to make herself seem taller.
“What’s that?” Jamie asks, teeth bared and feral, already pushing herself in front of Dani to stand between him and the man.
He scoffs, and rolls his eyes. “If I’d known, I wouldn’t have wasted my time on a d—”
Thankfully, he doesn’t even have time to finish the thought. Instead, there’s a sickening, fleshy thump as Jamie’s fist collides with his cheekbone.
Hard .
Caught off guard, the man falls off his stool and lands on the floor with an even louder noise. As he does, his arms flail out and knock his glass off the table, and it lands beside him, crashing as it breaks apart upon impact.
Immediately, the entire bar goes quiet as everyone turns to stare at what’s just happened. Owen is standing by the booth, mouth agape and wide-eyed as he looks between a seething Jamie, fist still cocked, and the man on the floor clutching his face.
Dani is clutching Jamie’s other arm, pulling at her and trying to let her mind catch up with the quickly-unfolding events that have just taken place.
“You bitch !” the man yells. He turns to look at the shell-shocked audience around him. “She hit me! You crazy bitch!”
“You’re lucky that’s all I did you fucking dickhead !” Jamie shouts back. “When a girl tells ya’ no thank you, keep your greasy fucking hands off her or I’ll—”
“Jamie,” Dani says softly, tugging at Jamie’s sleeve. “Come on. Let’s just—”
Jamie is wild-eyed when she turns to look at her, as unhinged as Dani’s ever seen her and she looks so angry and beautiful that it’s a wonder Dani keeps standing at all. “He fucking—” she begins, but Dani shakes her head.
“I know, I know.” She throws a look at Owen who is already making his way towards them. “We need to leave, okay? Please.”
It’s the final word, perhaps, that finally brings Jamie back into herself. Her expression softens and she lowers her fist, nodding and letting herself be pulled toward the exit before anyone wises up enough to call the police. As they go, whispered conversations start trickling through the crowd again, muffled shock cupped behind hands as the man begins to pull himself to his feet, deflated and looking very much like a child.
The front door squeaks loudly as they step out into the bitter, November air. It’s shockingly sobering, despite the fact that Dani hasn’t had a drop to drink all night. Her cheeks are flushed with the emotion of the last few minutes and she realizes that she’s trembling, even as she’s gripping Jamie’s wrist.
Fortunately, it seems to have the same effect on Jamie, who’s begun to calm herself down and breathe normally again. The normal sounds of the evening feel otherworldly now—the rush of cars and voices and regular life crashing down on each of them.
The door squeaks again and then Owen is there, coming towards them with a still-surprised gleam in his eye. But there’s something else there, too. Something that Dani thinks might be pride.
“What happened?” he asks, looking between them both.
“Bloody wanker grabbed Dani,” Jamie mutters and she’s inspecting her punching-fist now, eyebrows furrowed.
Owen’s eyebrows raise in even more surprise. “You okay, Dani?” he asks, turning his worry her way.
Dani nods. “I’m fine, I just—”
“Yep,” Jamie says. “It’s broken.”
“ What ?” Dani squeaks and Jamie looks up at her with a wry smile, clutching her hand to her chest.
“My knuckle. It’s broken.”
“Oh my god,” Dani breathes.
“It’s okay.”
“You broke your hand. How is that—”
“I’m fine . It’s not like I—”
“ Jesus , Jamie, why did you have to—”
“What was I supposed to do, Dani?” Jamie asks. “Let him touch you like that when you were trying to get away from him? You looked so scared and he was just...I just...I’m sorry.”
Dani blinks. Tries not to cry. “You big, dumb hero,” she says softly and Jamie looks hurt for a moment until she realizes that Dani is smiling. “You broke your hand defending my honor.”
For a moment, she forgets that Owen is there at all. It’s just her and Jamie and Jamie’s battle wound, wrapped up in a bubble of their own design. Jamie smiles a little, clearly in pain as her adrenaline drains away.
“So out of character for me,” Jamie breathes, laughing a little. “I’m sorry that I—”
Dani cuts her off again, but differently now. Leaning in, she cups Jamie’s face and kisses her, hard and heart and i can’t believe you did that . Jamie lifts her good hand, resting it on Dani’s shoulder as she kisses her back. It lingers for a moment, just long enough for Dani to feel like the earth has stopped spinning beneath her feet.
When she pulls away, Jamie breathes shakily against her lips, resting their foreheads together as they each try to settle down.
Owen clears his throat, bringing them back into the moment. “If you two are done, I really think we should get her to the hospital.”
Reality washes over Dani like an icy ocean wave. “Oh my god, Jamie, your hand .”
The last evening of Owen’s visit, they end the night in the emergency room; Owen buys them food from the vending machine, Jamie makes too many jokes about being temporarily handicapped (“Handicapped,” she says, smiling at herself. “Get it?”) and Dani holds her good hand, remembering all of those heroes she never wanted to be rescued by.
Jamie’s nothing like them. She isn’t a knight or a prince or anything like that. She’s the hard-headed, unbelievable, wonderful love of Dani’s life. And that’s better than any hero she could have ever wished for.
..
Chapter 26: might as well be dreaming
Notes:
i got so many prompts and asks for a strap on follow-up so here's the first of what will probably be...ahem...a few.
this technically takes place after last chapter, but you can read it without having read it. just know that some creep hit on Dani, Jamie punched him out, and she broke her hand doing it.
ft. some interesting morning sex & a splint
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
There is something about sharing an apartment with Jamie that Dani hasn’t quite gotten used to. Even three years in, the novelty has not worn off. Seeing the things they’ve picked out together—the duvet in their bedroom, the lamp beside their bed, the television and the rug beneath the bed. In the living room, it’s the couch, the stools by the island counter. The coffee table and the VHS case next to the television. The coat rack and the framed photos of them scattered across the walls.
But then there’s her things. Jamie’s things. Mixed together in the space, sharing it. Her books and Jamie’s books. Her records and Jamie’s records. Their shoes on the shoe rack by the door. Her sweater draped over the desk chair, Jamie’s typewriter on the desk.
This is: home. Their home. The one they’ve made together.
It’s comforting to think about. To be in. Dani never quite knew what home was before Jamie, and now she carries it with her everywhere she goes. Even today. Especially today.
Three days after Jamie’s injury, Dani wakes up curled around her girlfriend’s body to a dreary-sky morning outside their window. She’s tired, dragged into consciousness by the late hour. Her eyelids are thick, filled with sleep still, and Dani blinks it away, snuggling into Jamie’s warmth beneath the covers. Messy, brown hair tickles Dani’s nose and she has to turn her head to keep from sneezing.
“G’morning,” Jamie breathes, voice slow and honeyed-bright. Slowly, she turns in Dani’s arms, careful to keep her injured hand raised so as not to crush it. Eyes still closed, she turns her head as she lies on her bed, puckering her lips out in offering and Dani laughs. Sweeps in to press a kiss against them.
“You sleep okay?” Dani asks and Jamie nods, fluttering her eyelids open.
“Alright,” Jamie says. “Considering.”
She raises her splint-covered wrist for emphasis, shaking it gently.
“Oh, poor baby,” Dani coos, lighting bending Jamie’s arm so she can press a kiss to the tips of her fingers, sticking out from the split. “Do you need anything? Aspirin?”
Jamie shakes her head. Hums again. “Just you. Come here.”
Dani does, lifting herself up and leaning over to kiss Jamie again with an insistency that’s uncharacteristic for the hour. Jamie doesn’t seem to mind, kissing her back immediately. Lifting her good hand to brush some of Dani’s hair behind her ear as she flicks her tongue into Dani’s mouth, making her groan.
“Morning breath,” Dani sighs, pulling away.
“Don’t care.” Jamie pulls her in again. “Kiss me anyway.”
With a little difficulty, they manage to kick the blankets down so Dani can adjust herself on top of Jamie as lightly as possible. Jamie bends her knees to press them into Dani’s hips and kisses her and kisses her, making Dani sigh and hum, head filled with cotton at the ease of each sensation Jame lights aflame within her.
Dani dips her fingers beneath Jamie’s shirt, rolling it upwards as she slides her palm up her skinny ribs, her warm, soft skin. Against her mouth, Jamie growls, reaching down to coax Dani’s hand higher, to cup her breast as she nibbles Dani’s lower lip and then swipes the sore spot with her tongue.
“I don’t want to hurt you,” Dani whispers, pulling back to rest their foreheads together.
“You won’t.”
“You’re—”
“It’s just my hand,” Jamie says and when Dani gives her a look she blushes and rolls her eyes, trying to make light of it. “Okay, yeah. Pretty important, but...it’s not like I can’t—”
Dani has an idea then and she pulls away. “Give me a sec,” she says as Jamie reaches out, trying to keep her where she is. On shaky legs, she goes to the dresser by the window, opening the top drawer and rifling around her folded underwear to find what she’s looking for. She can feel the heat of Jamie’s curious gaze, watching her from where she’s still lying on the bed and, when Dani turns, Jamie’s lips part a little. Shocked.
“Is that…?” she asks.
Dani nods, leaning her back against the drawer to close it and then starting towards the bed again. “Is that okay?”
Jamie nods dumbly. “Yeah. ’Course. Did you want to…?”
The rest of the question sings unspoken in the air. Did you want to wear it. Did you want to fuck me. Did you want to pin me down to this mattress and have your wicked way with me while I can do nothing but clutch at you and pull you in tighter and tighter. And never let you go.
But Dani shakes her head. Doesn’t say those things.
Says, instead: “I want you to.”
Heat flashes in Jamie’s eyes. Dani’s knees hit the bed and she holds the toy, the harness, in her hands, waiting for a confirmation.
That ever-important yes .
“I can’t—” Jamie begins, lifting her injured hand up as a reminder of her current limitations.
“You don’t have to,” Dani tells her. “Let me.”
So Jamie does.
She lets Dani undress her slowly. Carefully. Watches as Dani undresses herself next. Lets herself be pushed back down onto the bed. Lets Dani lift her hips to slide the harness on. The toy. Lets Dani straddle her thighs and look down at her and kiss her, her fingers twitching at her sides, wanting to touch and grab and take control.
“I wanna touch you,” says Jamie, and Dani pulls away, dots kisses up and down her neck and chest.
“Just be careful,” says Dani.
Jamie slides her good hand up, running her fingers up and down Dani’s arms and shoulders. The crook of her thigh and her calf. Her neck and her breasts. Pauses at her nipples. Makes Dani moan into her neck. Presses a kiss to the crown of her hair.
Clumsy fingers between her legs, then. Loose and unpracticed but so very determined. Dani moans and presses down against them, grinds herself into the touch while Jamie watches with parted lips. Wide, disbelieving eyes. Green and huge and piercing, making a shock of lust flare right between Dani’s legs.
“I love you so much, Jay,” Dani whispers, pulling her hand away so she can sit back. Lift herself up to align the toy.
“God, Dani,” Jamie breathes. “I love you.” She laces their fingers together, Dani’s other hand coming out to rest on the flat plain of Jamie’s stomach to steady herself.
Dani sinks down then, taking the full length of the thing inside herself. It pinches a little, but she doesn’t stop until she can feel the cool harness touching her. Jamie’s face has paled considerably and she looks like she might as well be dreaming. Dani knows the feeling. Squeezes Jamie’s fingers a little.
After a moment to get used to it, eyes closed and steady breaths as she relaxes her muscles, Dani begins to move. Slow at first. Easy and soft. She opens her eyes at the touch of cool fingers to her hips on her left side. Jamie has lifted her bad hand, now, trailing what she has use of across Dani’s skin.
“Careful,” Dani says, but her voice sounds wrecked, lips raw from being bitten at.
“You look incredible,” Jamie tells her.
Dani moans at the compliment. Moves her hips a little faster. Can’t get over the idea of it, really—Jamie being inside her like this. So completely. Hands free to roam and touch, no space between them. Not really.
It spikes heat through her chest, pools it in the low of her belly. Makes her feel like throwing her head back and losing control. Just riding Jamie as hard as she can until they’re both gasping for air and clutching at one another, mindless and fevered and caught .
Dani brings one of her hands up to curve around Jamie’s breast, pinching her nipple between her forefinger and thumb and rolling it. Jamie slams her eyes closed, the hand holding Dani’s squeezing , and she huffs out a laugh.
“Gonna kill me if ya’ keep that up.”
Dani pinches again. Trails her fingers up and presses them into the soft of Jamie’s lips until the other woman opens her eyes. Blinks up at her, understanding filling her expression. She parts her lips and takes Dani’s fingertips into her mouth, flicking her tongue over them until Dani gasps. She pulls her fingers away and goes back to Jamie’s breast, slicking her nipple up. Pinching again. Doing the same to the other.
Below her, Jamie’s hips begin to thrust up in unsteady beats. The sharpness of her hip bones dig into Dani’s thighs in a way that should be painful but just makes her feel a little closer to losing her mind.
“Fuck me,” Dani says in a voice that is not her own.
It makes Jamie’s eyes blaze with a hunger she’s only seen a few times before. And then Jamie is pulling her good hand free, gripping Dani’s hip with it and thrusting up into her with a little more force each time.
“God, Poppins. Fuck .”
She rests her bad hand against Dani’s other hip, but doesn’t grip her. Doesn’t hold onto her. Somehow, it’s this light touch that makes Dani’s eyes roll back into her head.
The sound of their bodies slapping together fills the room, the air, Dani’s head, the sounds they themselves make serving as a staccato beat to play along. Even injured, Jamie is strong and incredible, pressing up into the friction created by the harness and thrusting in little circles that spread white heat through Dani’s veins.
“Mm, Jamie ,” Dani moans, muscles tightening with each move, electricity twitching under her skin, trying to claw its way out. Jamie uses the fingers of her bad hand—that thumb sticking out of the side of the splint—to press into Dani’s clit, circling it loosely. Making Dani gasp out, “Close,” as she tries to press into it without hurting Jamie even further.
“There you go, baby. C’mon. Come for me.”
Dani huffs out a breath, forcing her eyes open so she can look down at the woman beneath her, drag her nails down her stomach and make her shiver. “Come inside me,” she says and Jamie’s eyes look black as she says it.
“ Shit , Dani,” she sighs, her rhythm stuttering a little, thumb pressing against Dani’s clit hard . The muscles of her stomach quiver beneath her skin. “God, yeah.”
It’s only a couple seconds later that Dani feels it—that love and power and forever —crashing over and over inside of her. Making everything inside of her tip sideways. Images of Jamie—smiling and laughing and writhing beneath her; saying I love you and Dani and you and me —flashing through her mind lightning quick, boiling her breath in her lungs, making her toss her head back with a shout of Jamie’s name as she finally, finally comes .
Beneath her, Jamie grinds upwards, each panting breath ending with a high-pitched whimper as she shudders and shakes. Falls off the edge to land in the cool sea where Dani is waiting for her.
Afterwards, it is quiet, each of them doing their best to catch their breath and settle back down to earth as the fog of sex and desire begins to dissipate. Dani lifts herself up, whimpering a little at the loss as she goes, and flops down on the bed beside Jamie.
“Dani,” Jamie breathes. “Dani, Christ , that was—”
Dani nods, staring up at the ceiling. “I know. It…”
She feels Jamie shift, turn her head to press a kiss to Dani’s sweaty temple. Her splinted hand comes up to rest on Dani’s bare stomach and Dani wraps an arm around it loosely.
“You’re ridiculously sexy, by the way. I just...It’s completely unfair.”
Dani huffs out a laugh, a quizzical note at the end of it. Curious. Disbelieving. “Glad you think so,” she says.
“Poppins, if you were any sexier, I think I’d explode.”
Jamie snuggles in closer, presses her lips to the side of Dani’s head again, sliding down a little to be closer. The toy wobbles a little, glistening in a way that makes Dani flush hot with embarrassment.
“You’re ridiculous,” she says.
“You love me.”
Dani hums, closes her eyes. Remembers Jamie standing there in the bar, fist cocked, the man who’d been so aggressive toward Dani sprawled out on the floor. If Dani hadn’t already been head over heels, that would have been the moment that she knew.
Whatever forever means for her, for them, her home will always be Jamie.
“I do,” she says, not even a moment’s hesitation. She presses a kiss to Jamie’s shoulder, sighing as she shifts—that delicious ache between her legs settling in—and says it again:
“I do.”
..
Notes:
sorry about your pants.
Chapter 27: sure are
Notes:
fill for this prompt from a bud on Tumblr:
"drunk jamie flirting with dani with innuendos and stripping off and dani wants to indulge but end up just taking care of jamie"
ft. a glass of water & an angel
Chapter Text
Their apartment. Late.
Dani opens the door and shuffles Jamie inside. Leans her against the wall.
“It’s dark in here,” Jamie says.
“Give me a sec.”
“Jeez.”
Dani looks up from kicking off her shoes. Frowns. “Why ‘jeez’?” she asks.
Jamie’s eyes are closed. She huffs. “Sounded angry.”
A kiss to her cheek. Jamie’s eyes flutter open, a sloppy grin forming on her pink lips.
“Not angry,” Dani says. “Just needed a second.”
Jamie gives her a thumbs-up. She looks unsteady still, but that’s not necessarily surprising given her weight and the number of drinks she’d put back at the bar. Always a little nervous in social events, she’d tried to overcompensate for feeling out of her element and now here they are.
It’s clear from her posture that she’s reaching the “tired” phase of her drunkenness. In the two years of their relationship, Dani has only seen Jamie drunk exactly twice and each time, she’d been a little too talkative at the beginning, then somber and a little too easily pissed off, and now this—exhausted.
“Come here,” Dani says, grabbing Jamie’s hand and guiding her toward the couch where she sits her down. “Just sit here okay.”
Jamie nods sleepily, tugging at her shoelaces. Dani eyes her warily, making sure she’s steady, before she gets up and goes to the kitchen, returning with a glass of water. When she gets back, Jamie’s head is lolling on the back of the couch and only one of her shoes is off. Her grin returns when Dani sits down beside her and she reaches out her arms like a child, reaching for her girlfriend.
Somehow, Dani is still getting used to this—affection given so openly. It isn’t as if Edmund never touched her, but it’s different with Jamie. Maybe because she never felt half of what she feels for Jamie for him.
But Jamie. Oh, her Jamie. Always stroking Dani’s skin with her fingertips, pressing kisses against any part of Dani she can reach. Lacing their fingers together. Wrapping her arms around her. Pressing Dani into the bed at night, in the morning, in the middle of the day. Whenever, really.
Even now, as she’s more than a little inebriated. This time, Jamie nearly knocks the water cup out of Dani’s hand. Dani laughs, pushing a little at Jamie’s shoulders as the other woman presses her open mouth to the dip of Dani’s neck.
“You need to drink this,” she tries.
“Wanna kiss you,” Jamie mutters. “Wanna put our tulips together.”
As she says this, she deflates against Dani’s body, her shoulders shaking with silent laughter. Dani frowns, trying to figure it out. It takes a second, but when she does, she pushes Jamie again, a little more playfully.
“That was bad, baby,” she says. “Even Owen would think so.”
Jamie nods seriously, letting herself be pushed upright again and actually taking the water cup now. She holds it between both hands and carefully lifts it up to drink for a long moment. It’s nearly gone by the time she stops drinking.
Her eyes are drooping, lines beneath them more pronounced with only the lamp in the corner on. Her curls are a little more frizzy than normal from the humidity outside and just looking at her is enough to make Dani’s hands feel hot and slippery with nervous sweat. It’s the line of her mouth, the memory of those lips between her legs just that morning as they’d been lying in bed together. She hadn’t known love would be like this when she was growing up. Now she wonders how anyone gets anything done in the world if so many people are feeling like this.
Maybe they aren’t, she tells herself sometimes. Maybe there’s something to what her and Jamie share.
It certainly feels like it most days.
She reaches out and brushes some of Jamie’s hair behind her ear, fingers lingering on the curve of her jaw. Jamie leans into the touch, sighing, and then finishes off her water, some of it dribbling down her chin to land on her t-shirt.
“How about…?” she begins once she’s done, already giggling at herself. “How about...If I said I liked your body, would you hold it against me?”
Dani frowns, chest swelling with that sort of choking feeling she gets sometimes from loving Jamie too much. “Where are you getting these?” she asks.
Leaning to the side, Jamie manages to set her cup on the coffee table and then she sits back up, moving into Dani’s space again. “Can I borrow a kiss?” she asks next, still smirking at herself. “I promise I’ll return it.”
Dani is laughing too hard to do anything but let Jamie fumble her way onto her lap. The next thing she knows, she’s being straddled and Jamie is pressing her hands to the couch on either side of Dani’s head. It’s clear from the haze in Jamie’s eyes that she’s still drunk, but Dani melts anyway.
“Baby,” she starts, even as she’s going soft and malleable in her girlfriend’s arms, “let’s go to bed.”
Jamie leans down and presses a kiss to Dani’s cheek. “Dani, I think I’m dying.”
And Dani would be worried if it weren’t for the fact that Jamie is already laughing at whatever ridiculous thing she’s about to say.
“Oh, yeah?” she asks. “Why’s that?” She grips Jamie’s hips, trying to keep Jamie from rocking into her the way she is, making Dani feel a lot like squirming up into her.
This is a different Jamie than she’s used to seeing when they drink. It’s a far cry from the serious, somber attitude she’d had earlier. But now Jamie can’t stop smiling, can’t stop laughing and cracking jokes, all while trying to wiggle her fingers beneath Dani’s shirt and it’s simultaneously the silliest and sexiest thing Dani’s ever known.
It’s just nice to know that, even when she’s completely plastered, Jamie is still attracted to her. Maybe a little too much.
“Because I think you’re an angel,” Jamie says, then flicks her eyebrows upwards, proud of herself. “Get it?”
Dani shakes her head. “Honestly? No.”
Jamie hums, leaning down and pressing her forehead to the top of Dani’s head and smiling. “Can’t win ’em all.” She’s writhing a little against Dani’s lap and it’s clumsy, yes, but Dani is starting to think that there isn’t a look Jamie could adopt that wouldn’t make Dani want to fuck her silly.
But that doesn’t mean she’s going to when Jamie is in this state.
“We should go to bed, Jay,” Dani whispers, and she immediately regrets her choice of words because Jamie nods and writhes a little more.
Says, “Yes, please.”
And then she’s tugging her own t-shirt off her body, leaving her in nothing but her bra and jeans. Taking Dani’s breath with her.
“Jamie,” she groans, trying to get her mind back on track. “Come on.”
“Trying to,” Jamie says. She reaches down and starts unbuttoning Dani’s flannel, struggling a little with the buttons.
Dani reaches down and grabs Jamie’s hands, squeezing them lightly. “In the morning, okay? Assuming you’re not too hungover.”
She’s trying to be reasonable about this, but Jamie’s hot, sweet breath washes across the side of her face and then Jamie is nibbling at her ear, flicking her tongue against it. Dani bites back a whimper, closing her eyes as she centers herself, but she doesn’t get very far. Not at all, because the surprise makes her fingers flex against Jamie’s waist and Jamie moans in this way that sounds utterly filthy and Dani truly feels like she might be losing her mind.
How Jamie can manage to be so ridiculously attractive while inebriated, she doesn’t know. But it’s a curse, truly, especially if this new—and decidedly... horny —version of her is going to come around every time she drinks.
“Why not right now?” Jamie breathes. She reaches down with her own hands and grabs Dani’s at her waist, holding on as she lifts her hips and presses them back down.
“Because…” Dani says, eyes closed—knowing that if she opens them, she’ll lose to Jamie’s dark eyes and the flutter of her eyelashes. “I’m sober and you’re—” She breaks off as Jamie guides her hand to the button of her jeans, trying to encourage Dani to undo it. “You’re not—Jamie…”
And there are a lot of things for her to say, so many reasons why they should stop.
But then Jamie kisses her.
It’s messy and graceless. Jamie’s lips are wet and so is her tongue as she flicks it a little too vigorously into Dani’s mouth. Their teeth clink together a little strangely and Jamie’s tongue really is wet because Dani can feel her spit on her chin and maybe that should be gross, but it’s Jamie so it just isn’t .
Whatever is intended by the kiss, though, it has the opposite effect. Instead, it startles Dani right back into moral awareness and she pulls away. Rests their foreheads together.
“Can we go to the bedroom?” she asks, wiping at the drool on Jamie’s chin.
Jamie grins. “Yeah,” she says. “ Yeah , we can.”
Somehow, she manages to maneuver Jamie to her feet and guide her to the bedroom, where she sits her down on the edge of the bed. Jamie babbles the whole way, spouting off half-remembered pick-up lines that don’t make any sense or land the right way. When Dani goes to undress her, she lets it happen, probably thinking that it’s going to lead to something, but it never does.
Instead, Dani gets her tucked into a too-big t-shirt and then under the covers.
“We’re still gonna have sex, right?” Jamie asks, nodding off as Dani changes her own clothes.
Dani bites her lip. Tries not to laugh. “Sure are,” she lies, only feeling a little guilty. “Be right there.”
“Well, hurry up,” Jamie slurs, eyes drifting closed, tucked into the warmth of the sheets. “Wanna rock your world.”
She’s asleep by the time Dani crawls under the covers, flicking off the lamp and curling herself tightly into the other woman’s body. There’ll be plenty of time for world-rocking in the morning.
Tonight, she’s just content to press a kiss to the back of Jamie’s head and tug her in closer.
..
Chapter 28: think of me
Notes:
fill for this prompt:
"just started reading your damie fic on ao3 and was wondering if you can do one where they get in a fight and end up having make up sex."
ft. a letter & a couch
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
For all of her flaws, never let it be said that Dani is messy. In fact, she’s almost too clean. All shoes lined up by the door or in the back of their closet. Shirts folded the exact same way, lined up to save space in each drawer. Socks folded together neatly and sorted by length. Every night before bed, she goes around their living space methodically, straightening up the pillows on the couch, returning empty glasses to the sink to be washed, making sure any and all blankets are folded and put away.
It’s cute, if a little anal. It isn’t that Jamie is a slob or anything, but she’d had a few of her own quirks when she lived on her own. Most of them involved leaving unused tissues in the pockets of all her jackets and pants, or leaving empty cups around on various surfaces. And, yeah, okay, sometimes she let dishes pile up or dumped clean laundry on the nearest flat surface and just pulled from that.
But she’d like to say she’s gotten better in the five years her and Dani have lived together. Her wife is a good influence.
Wife .
She’s still getting used to thinking of Dani as that. Wonders if the novelty will ever wear off. Doesn’t think it possibly could.
There is one thing though—when Dani cleans up, she usually ends up putting Jamie’s things away. Which is good, of course, but Jamie has never considered herself a very good finder, and she’s left to rifle through drawers trying to find whatever it is she’s lost.
Take now for instance. Her bookmark is missing. It’s not a big deal, really, and she knows she could just use a scrap of paper, but once it’s not where she left it, it turns into a bit of a thing. It’s the bookmark she always uses—the braided purple ribbons Dani made for her one day at the shop when things were slow—so it feels strange to not want to find it. As far she knows, she’d left it on the desk in the living room, but it’s not there.
Dani is at the store, picking up a few things for dinner, which means that Jamie is on her own. At least for now.
She starts in the desk drawers, rifling through pens and index cards, miscellaneous holiday cards from Owen and Dani’s family. No luck.
It’s not on the bookshelf either, or in the last book she read. Not in the remote basket under the coffee table or on the kitchen island, so she goes to the bedroom, though she can’t quite fathom why Dani would have taken it in there.
But it’s not on her bedside table or in the drawer, nor is it on the dresser or anywhere else.
“Oh, Dani,” Jamie sighs, still fond even when she’s a little frustrated. She sits down on Dani’s side of the bed, looking around the bedroom and trying to figure out where else she should look. Her fingers play idly with the ring on her left hand, still getting used to the way it feels, when her eyes land on Dani’s bedside table.
One last Hail Mary. She tugs open the drawer and looks inside.
Her bookmark isn’t in there. But there’s something else.
A folded piece of paper at the back of the drawer.
A folded piece of paper with her name written on it.
And maybe she shouldn’t, but Jamie can’t fight the curiosity buzzing in her veins. She pulls the paper out and unfolds it to find a letter, Dani’s small, clean writing covering almost the full side of it.
Jay, reads the first line, if you’re reading this, then it must be over…
On and on. Things Jamie can hardly bring herself to fathom.
Things like: I’m so sorry .
And: Loving you is the single best thing I ever did in my life.
And: I hope, one day, you’ll be able to move on from this. From me. Find someone who —
Jamie feels sick all of a sudden. Nauseated. Spinning. She falls to the side because she can’t hold herself up any longer, head landing softly in Dani’s pillow, one hand still holding the letter.
The pillow smells like Dani. Like her hair. Jamie’s trying to breathe, curled into herself to keep from falling apart entirely. Turns her face into it, taking a deep breath. It’s a light, slightly floral scent. Her shampoo. Something else—something inherently Dani . She curls her fingers into the blankets and wills herself not to cry.
There’s a noise from the living room. The door unlocking, then opening, being pushed open. Jamie closes her eyes and listens to the familiar sounds of Dani coming home. Moving around the kitchen, putting away the things she bought.
It takes everything inside herself to get up, but Jamie manages it somehow. She grips the letter tight and makes her way out of the bedroom slowly, achingly. Through the hall and into the living room.
Dani is in the kitchen, looking wind-flushed and peaceful. The pain in Jamie’s side aches and her heart is thumping hard against her ribs.
“Hey, Jay,” Dani greets and the fact that she smiles just makes it that much worse. “Got that pasta sauce you like for dinner. Actually, got a couple jars. They were three for two, so I—”
It’s around this point that Jamie comes to a standstill next to the couch, close enough that Dani’s eyes finally catch the letter in Jamie’s hand. Almost instantaneously, the slight smile on her lips drains away to something else. Something surprised and exhausted.
“Jamie—” she starts, but Jamie cuts her off.
“What’s this?” she asks, unable to keep the frustration out of the edges of the question.
Dani blinks, caught off guard. “It’s nothing. Just a...just a letter I wrote to—”
She’s flummoxed. Uncertain. Jamie knows the feeling.
“To say goodbye,” Jamie says.
Dani pales. “Jay, I—”
“When you leave me.”
“No, Jamie. It’s...That’s not what it is.”
Jamie sighs, irritation building up in the messy fog of a million other emotions. “You’re really going to stand there and lie to me like that?” she asks.
But instead of looking caught, that fixed expression slips away from Dani’s face and what’s left behind is something that reflects Jamie’s own emotions back at her.
“Fine,” she says. “Yes. That’s what it is. Happy?”
“Happy?” Jamie repeats. “Why the hell would I be happy about that?”
Why would I be anything but devastated at the thought of losing you . She refrains from adding that last part, even though it makes all the difference.
Something dark passes through Dani’s eyes. “That’s not what I meant,” Dani tells her. She holds eye contact for a few more seconds and then grabs a couple boxes of pasta from the paper bag on the counter and spins around, opening a cabinet and shoving them inside. “Look, I was just—”
“Giving up.” Jamie doesn’t look at her as she says it. Instead, she crosses her arms over her stomach and stares down at the floor. Tries not to completely break down.
She hears Dani as she turns around, coming a few steps closer. “I wasn’t trying to—”
Jamie whips her head up. “We have a life here. We made a commitment to one another. And you’re writing letters for when you slip out in the middle of the night. Like none of it matters . Like it’s not even worth trying , Dani. What should we call it then if not giving up?”
This isn’t a side of herself she’s ever met before. Certainly, it existed in some sense, but it’s never had cause to come out—so raw and uninhibited and frightened . Being caught in its heat now makes her feel weak, makes everything she had been lining up in her head start to fade away.
“I’m trying, Jamie,” Dani argues. “I’m trying so hard every day, but it doesn’t change the fact that we’re running on borrowed time here. One day, we’re going to run out. What am I supposed to do? Pretend that that’s never going to happen?”
“You’re supposed to think about me!” Jamie yells, and it would sound angrier, perhaps, if she wasn’t on the verge of tears. If her voice didn’t waver. “You’re supposed to think about me and what it would be like for me to wake up one morning to you gone and this—” she shakes the letter for emphasis, “—waiting for me. Just this.”
Dani blinks, taking a tentative step forward. “Jamie, I—”
But: “About me in our home without you. About me not knowing where you went or what happened and living here without you and having to tell everyone—our friends and your family —what happened. How I failed you and I couldn’t—”
To say that Jamie feels sick to her stomach doesn’t begin to cover it. Ragged is more like it. Torn apart. Bereft. Dani is crying now and she looks so small, so young that Jamie doesn’t know what she’s supposed to do.
“I would come after you, Dani,” Jamie whispers, the words slipping out without her meaning them to—some confession beyond her control. “I couldn’t just stay here knowing that you...I couldn’t— Her words break off and lets go of the letter, lets it fall to the floor at her feet.
She feels almost like she’s sinking into the floor. Dani comes towards her, saying, “Hey,” and coming to a stop just in front of her, so close their chests brush together. She pulls one of Jamie’s hands from where it’s clutching her arm and brings it up to rest on her sternum, through the fabric of her undershirt, over her heavy, obstinate heart.
“I would come after you, too,” she whispers and Jamie looks up at her. Dani uses her other hand to cup her wife’s cheek and brush away some of her tears with her thumb. “If it were you, I’d...I’m so sorry. I wasn’t thinking and I—”
Jamie feels her jaw trembling as she says, “I can’t lose you.” She flattens her palm against Dani’s chest as all that tension, that resistance, falls away.
“I’m here,” Dani whispers. “I’m right here. You won’t lose—”
Jamie doesn’t wait for her to finish before she’s leaning up and in, tugging on Dani’s shirt to bring her into a kiss. There’s a moment where Dani stiffens in surprise, but then she’s kissing Jamie back, placing her hands gently on her waist and leaning into it, deepening it to make it into something more ; one of her hands cups the back of Jamie’s neck, drawing her closer, and the other frames Jamie’s jaw like she’s guiding the kiss. Maybe she is. Jamie certainly doesn’t feel like she’s in any position of control anymore. There’s a flick of Dani’s tongue against her bottom lip and she gasps, arches further into Dani’s body. Dani guides her to walk backwards and then sits down on the couch, pulling Jamie with her. After a little bit of maneuvering, Jamie is beneath her, Dani cradled beneath her thighs.
She presses her knees into either side of Dani’s hips, pushing her wife’s flannel from her shoulders. Dani shimmies a little to try and assist its removal, dotting kisses down Jamie’s pale neck and nipping the hinge of her jaw. Jamie hears herself make a noise and Dani shivers at the sound. She laces her fingers through blonde hair and guides her back up into another kiss, somehow deeper than the last. Dani’s fingers grip onto Jamie’s hips and then slide to the buckle of her belt curiously, achingly, asking for permission because, somehow, they’re not moving fast enough.
Jamie reaches with one of her own hands to fumble her belt open. It’s only a moment and then Dani bats her hands away and finishes, biting at Jamie’s bottom lip as she slides the zipper down. She tugs Jamie’s shirt up a little and brushes her fingers across her skin, making Jamie squirm against her.
“ Jay ,” Dani sighs, sounding distant—sounding like someone else. Lips press hotly against her cheek and forehead and hair, and then there’s a hand slipping into her jeans. Her mind just sort of goes dark , feeling like she might combust at any moment. Dani slips her fingers beneath the damp fabric of Jamie’s panties and groans into their next kiss. “God, Jay.”
It’s a wonder—a marvel, really—that every time Dani touches her like this, every time they do this with one another, it feels like it’s the first time Jamie’s ever touched. Ever been touched.
Her wife , she thinks as fingers dip down to her clit and linger there, the muscles of her abdomen twitching from the strain of holding back.
“Dani– Oh , Dani, please, fuck ,” Jamie babbles, clenching her eyes closed because the sight of Dani above her, her hand between her legs, is almost too much.
Dani shifts a little, shifting her weight until she can pull away and look down at Jamie without crushing her into the couch. Jamie’s head is at an odd angle, resting on the throw pillow against the armrest, but she can’t bring herself to care about anything when Dani presses back down in a hard kiss. Jamie gasps into her mouth, reaching out to grab Dani’s shoulders, pull her closer, hold on, anything —and she’s so distracted that she doesn’t notice when Dani’s fingers start moving again, more firmly. Little circles.
Her vision flashes white , swallowed by the sun, and she lingers in the quiet. She’s still babbling. She can hear herself, some of what she’s saying ( Poppins, yes , don’t stop, oh my god, fuck , Dani ) but she can’t make herself stop.
Dani shifts a little above her and then slides a finger inside, followed by another. She pumps and curls them and Jamie bucks her hips up, breath sharp and hot in her lungs.
She’s trembling like she’s about to shake right out of her skin, sliding her hands down to rest against the dip of Dani’s back and tug her closer. She can feel her muscles tightening around Dani’s fingers in the split second before she comes undone. Her head rolls back against the pillow, back arching into Dani’s body, and Dani is kissing her, holding her closer, kissing her again.
In the aftermath, Dani squeezes her body between the back of the couch and Jamie, sitting up a little higher to pull Jamie’s limp body against her own. Jamie presses her forehead to Dani’s sternum, listening to the sound above her heart. She taps her fingers to the same rhythm as they rest against Dani’s arm, draped over her rest. Dani leans down and pushes her mouth against Jamie’s hair.
“I don’t want you to leave,” Jamie whispers eventually, too afraid to open her eyes—to see Dani’s expression.
But Dani just pulls her closer. “I don’t want to,” she says. “I want to stay.”
And there are reasons to be afraid. Reasons to prepare for the worst. But the thing is, Jamie can’t think of any of them when they’re lying like this together—Dani holding her tight, Jamie lying against her, jeans still undone and skin still buzzing, the aching memory of Dani’s fingers lingering between her legs. The ring on her finger, catching the lamplight—the fading sunlight coming in through the window behind their heads.
“Then stay,” she says.
Dani is quiet for a while, maybe wondering if that’s all it takes. If it really could be that simple. Eventually, she moves a little closer, fingers running idly up and down Jamie’s arm, tucking her face into the side of Jamie’s head. “Always,” she murmurs, the word so different, so steady compared to the ones in that letter—long forgotten.
Jamie nods and closes her eyes. “Always,” she agrees.
..
Notes:
sorry about the angst! not sorry about the sex.
at the risk of sounding needy, if you like reality TV drama and YEARNING, feel free to check out my Married at First Sight AU, "it's all or nothing" just for kicks. it's still early on but i can promise plenty of angst and a very delicious payoff.
Chapter 29: me and you
Notes:
fill for a few prompts. one about Dani having an anxiety or panic attack after her and Jamie are together and Jamie handling it and another regarding Dani having a panic attack while being trapped in an elevator with Jamie.
be warned that this contains an anxiety/panic attack (or even a flashback, if you'd like to label it as such). so if that's something that bothers you, please be safe and kind to yourself.
also idk if Dani's mom has a name?? anyway, it's Angela now. i don't make the rules. (apparently it’s Karen (thanks for the pro tip, Jetpacking Penguin!), which will be reflected in future chapters. i’ll change it here when i care enough to lol)
ft. christmas shopping & reflections
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Life in America is taking some getting used to. Life with Dani is taking some getting used to. Sometimes, it feels like Jamie is drowning in the unknown, in the uncertainty of everything around them—tidal wave after tidal wave of newness smashing into her every moment of every day.
Living with someone—sharing your life with someone—is like taking a crash course in everything that makes them them .
Dani forgets to blow candles out sometimes. She leaves her shampoo bottle open in the shower. She folds towels differently and likes to make the bed every morning. When she gets hungry, she gets really grouchy and is always surprised when eating makes her feel better. She chews at her lips when she’s lost in thought, sometimes leaving them sore and a little bloody. When Jamie buys her gum from the supermarket, she’ll chew it for hours on end and then complain that the flavor is gone.
Her mother comes knocking on the door of their apartment about five months into the whole thing, teary-eyed and touchy as she hugs Dani and apologizes for the long weeks of silence after that last phone call. Jamie hovers in the kitchen, pretending to clean or straighten the cupboards while they talk in the living room. She would hide in the bedroom, but she would have to walk past them to get there.
It’s some time later that Dani catches Jamie’s eye and waves her over, standing up as Jamie approaches and taking her hand. A united front as they stand above Dani’s mother, seated on the couch.
“Mom,” Dani says slowly, like she’s testing the word out on her tongue, “this is Jamie.”
And, of course, Jamie knows about that phone call, about her mother’s reaction to the news—her daughter’s supposed “abandonment” in moving states and states away from home; her shiny, new lifestyle and living with a girlfriend and all those things that made her keep them both at arm’s length.
But now, Mrs. Clayton is only silent for a breath or two before she gets to her feet, looking Jamie directly in the eyes as she says, “The famous Jamie. Nice to finally meet you.”
She shakes Jamie’s hand and there might be some hostility there—some lingering feeling that maybe Jamie seduced and corrupted her daughter—but her smile is genuine enough. Dani squeezes the hand she’s holding and grins and grins.
She hadn’t needed her mother’s approval, of course, but having it is nice enough anyway.
The visit is set to last a week, going right up to Christmas, and then Angela Clayton will be flying back to Ohio. Maybe it’s wrong of her, but Jamie is relieved, wanting nothing more than to spend this first Christmas with Dani on their own .
That’s plenty of time, however, for Angela to invade their lives and inhabit every inch of their space. She cooks dinner every night, comes by their shop to steal Dani away for the afternoon—leaving Jamie to run things on her own. She pesters Dani endlessly with questions about her time in England and most of the answers she gets are lies. Blatant ones at that.
It makes Jamie nervous, Dani having to be constantly reminded of all those things they haven’t been discussing. She does her best to provide what comfort she can without going overboard—a hand on her knee for just a few brief seconds; a touch to her shoulder.
Saying I’m here and it’s okay, love as simply as she can manage without calling too much attention to it. This tentative truce and understanding between mother and daughter feels like a game of Jenga and the last thing Jamie wants to do is send the whole thing crashing to the floor.
But she sees the way Dani’s spine straightens with each question. The way she flinches at certain words or thoughts. These aren’t new things, necessarily—she’s seen them since they left Bly—but they start happening all the more frequently with Angela around.
Everything breaks on a Sunday, the last day of Angela’s visit. They’re at the shopping mall because Angela insisted on looking for Christmas presents for them—some overcompensation for her brand of mothering, perhaps, which actually involves less mothering and more smothering the longer it goes on. Jamie shoulders her way through two hours of trailing after her girlfriend and her girlfriend’s mother in silence, holding shopping bags and nodding whenever her opinion is needed, which is rare.
Towels and bath mats and sheets. Cutlery and a crockpot and a floor lamp. Things that they definitely don’t need Angela to buy piling up the longer it goes on.
But grin and bear it is Dani’s particular method of shuffling on, so Jamie does her best to follow her lead.
Eventually, they manage to break away for a little while—Dani citing a headache that might be hunger and wiggling out from beneath her mother’s thumb long enough to go to the food court. Angela is reluctant, but eventually waves them off, taking the bags from Jamie so she can continue looking in the shop they’re in.
Out in the bustle of the mall again, Dani shakes her head and offers her girlfriend an apologetic smile.
“Sorry,” she says, “I know she’s not the easiest to deal with.”
Jamie shakes her head. “She’s fine,” she returns, not a lie exactly but a slanting of the truth. “She loves you a lot.”
Dani sighs. “Out of guilt, maybe. She’s never been very good at showing it. Could have used this mom back when I was still a kid.”
Here is where the conversation breaks. There are a few things that Jamie could say, all of which have been said before during any discussion of their respective mothers. A little comfort could be offered, pat on the shoulder, squeeze of the hand and all that. But she’s learning more about Dani every day and there are other ways to turn the conversation around.
So she grins, loops her arms through Dani’s, and turns them toward the other end of the mall where the escalators down to the food court await. “Let’s get some greasy mall food in you, Poppins,” she says. “Perk you right up.”
Dani laughs, leaning into Jamie a little as they go.
And maybe it’s the length of the day or the presence of her mother. Maybe it’s all those long talks where the truth of what happened was never mentioned. Maybe it’s some residual nightmare still flooding her veins with every beat of her heart.
Maybe it’s some combination of all three.
When Dani stops to look into the display window of a bookstore, smiling at the winter scene set up—two puppet-like elves reading books in the back of a miniature sleigh—something happens. Jamie isn’t certain at first what it is. But one moment, Dani is completely fine, halfway through a remark about the fake snow the shop used and the next she’s falling deathly silent, eyes wide and fixed on the window.
As if she’s a ghost. It’s possible, given everything, that she has.
“Dani?” Jamie asks, careful not to touch her, not to startle her. “Dani, love, what is it?”
Dani is silent, tears filling her eyes which are fixed at some specific spot in the window. Jamie surveys her own reflection, then Dani’s. Behind them is a group of people hanging out and looking down the balcony to the lower level. One of them, a woman, is wearing a pale white dress that brushes her knees. She has long, dark hair and she’s standing very still, probably listening to whatever the man beside her is saying, and Jamie understands.
“Dani, baby, come on,” Jamie says. “I’m going to touch you, okay? I need you to come with me.”
There isn’t a response to this, but she hadn’t exactly expected there to be. She reaches out and lightly grabs the material of Dani’s coat sleeve over her wrist, using it to gently guide her girlfriend away from the woman’s reflection in the window. She’s not quite sure where to go, where would be safe enough to bring Dani back into the moment, into the here and now . It’s like the blind leading the blind.
There’s an elevator just up ahead and it’s not the best choice, but Jamie doesn’t really have any others. She doesn’t feel safe guiding Dani to the escalators or stairs like this and she just wants to get them as far away from that window as possible. By some miracle, there is no queue of mother-manned strollers awaiting entry and they are the only two inside when Jamie gets them there.
She guides Dani in and releases her as the doors shut. The mall has three floors and the food court is on the bottom one, so Jamie presses the button labeled 1 and watches it light up. With a shuddering start, the elevator starts moving, sliding them down to the second floor.
Jamie is busy trying to figure out her next plan of action when another thing happens:
The lights above them flicker a few times and then darkness falls as the elevator comes to a jarring halt. The tinny Christmas music that had been playing from the speakers in the corners of the elevator stops playing and then there is only silence.
Silence and Dani taking quick and shallow breaths.
Jamie jabs her finger into the emergency alarm, wincing as a buzzing ring echoes around the small space. It’s a busy mall, she tells herself. Someone will be there soon to fix it and get them on their way. And, until then, they’re going to have to just be in the darkness.
“ Dani ,” she whispers, the blackness around her swallowing the word.
She can hear Dani’s breathing as it speeds up, followed by a pillowy thump that is probably her falling back against the mirrored wall. She takes a couple of careful steps forward, arm thrust out to keep from running into anything. Eventually, her hand meets the fake-fur lining of Dani’s coat.
“Dani,” she says again, but there is only silence.
This close she can feel her girlfriend’s stuttered breath against her face, can hear the little gasp at the height of each one. She, herself, is beginning to panic, just from the overwhelming dark and the idea of being trapped like this. She can only imagine what Dani is feeling.
“Dani, baby, it’s okay. Everything is okay,” she tries, knowing how silly and futile those words are against whatever it is Dani is trying to fight off.
There is a gasping sob next, Dani sucking in air, and Jamie recalls that moment out front of Bly all those months ago. They’d been strangers then and still so innocent to the shadows coming their way. But she can recall the tremble of Dani’s shoulders, how unhinged she looked. How it had taken everything inside of her not to pull Dani into her arms even then.
Now, it’s even harder. She can hardly stand it.
“Dani, it’s me. It’s Jamie.” For some reason, it feels so important to tell her this—as if Dani might have forgotten who she’s with or where she is. It feels so important to keep saying her name, too, to keep trying to ground her and keep her from floating away. “Can I touch you?”
There’s no answer. A few long seconds of silence pass and then she feels Dani’s hand grip her own, squeeze her tightly. Gently as she can, Jamie cradles it in both of her own and lifts it, presses it to the side of her own face. Dani’s fingers uncurl as she does this, cupping Jamie’s cheek, thumb brushing along her eyebrows and eyelashes. Tracing their familiar shape in the darkness.
“Just breathe, baby,” she says because Dani is still gasping, still hyperventilating. “All the way in. All the way out.” She demonstrates it, breathing in slowly and then breathing out the same way. Making it audible. “Breathe like me, Dani. Just breathe like me.”
Another hand comes up, this one resting on her chest above her sweater. Feeling the rise and fall with every breath Jamie takes. Dani struggles to mimic her, but it evens out after a minute, sounding more and more steady.
“There you go,” Jamie encourages. Her eyes feel hot and itchy and she knows she’s crying even though she can’t see anything. She can feel the drip of tears from her jaw. “That’s so good. Keep breathing. Breathe like me.”
This isn’t forever, she reminds herself. There are probably people working on getting the elevator running right now. Any moment, the lights are going to turn on and they’re going to be okay. They’ll get to the first floor and step out into the bright fluorescents and Dani will be alright. Breathing normally. Present. Okay.
“It’s gonna pass,” Jamie tells her. “I’m here. We’re here. We’re okay.”
Dani taps her finger lightly on Jamie’s chest. “Okay,” she whispers, voice breaking. “Okay.”
“Yeah, we’re okay. Where are we okay, Dani?” she asks. “Where are we?”
She read somewhere about this—in some magazine in a waiting room at a doctor’s office. Remembers reading about questions like that one. About what it means to ground another person.
“V-Vermont,” Dani answers. “The mall.”
“That’s right. That’s so good.” Another tap. Jamie presses Dani’s hand, the one holding her face, a little closer. “What’s your name? What’s your name, sweetheart?”
“Danielle,” Dani says without hesitation.
“Who am I?”
A pause here and Jamie is worried for one second when she hears Dani’s breath stutter again, come out a little more pained. But then the hand on her chest lifts, curls around the back of her neck, fingers curling into her hair. “Jamie,” Dani breathes, pulling Jamie in closer until their foreheads are resting together. “My Jamie.”
Jamie nods against Dani’s forehead. Closes her eyes. “Your Jamie. That’s right, Dani. Your Jamie.”
“My Jamie,” Dani repeats and she’s crying still, shaking, but she sounds more and more like herself. “I’m okay. I’m okay. We’re okay.” Her fingers comb through Jamie’s hair as she says it and Jamie brings her own hand up, cupping the other woman’s jaw in her hands and wiping away her tears with her thumbs.
“We’re okay. Me and you.”
“Me and you.”
They stand there like that for a long time. Jamie isn’t sure how long, but, eventually the elevator’s lights are on again. There’s a voice coming through the speaker—a man telling them they’ve got it running again; apologizing—and then they’re moving again. In the time it takes to descend, Jamie pulls away and manages to wipe the rest of Dani’s tears away. Get her own as well. Straighten themselves out.
Two maintenance workers and a man in a suit are waiting for them at the bottom, apologetic and flummoxed. Jamie fields their apologies with Dani’s hand in her own and Dani comes back into herself all the way.
Me and you , Jamie thinks when they’re alone again, pulling Dani to the side of the elevator, out of the way, so they can get their bearings all the way.
There’s a beast in the jungle, yes. Lurking. Waiting. Sometimes it rustles in the bushes, makes noises at the edge of their camp. Rakes its nails down the bark of a tree, snapping twigs and leaving shadows in its wake as it slinks back into the darkness.
There’s nothing, really, that Jamie can do about that. But she can add logs to the fire, shine a flashlight in the darkest of corners. She can hold Dani close and press her mouth to her forehead. She can whisper quiet assurances to her and vow to never let her go for as long as she lives.
This is part of their life together. Jamie is learning that, too.
And, in the life she led before Dani— without Dani—there were so many things that she couldn’t handle.
But loving Dani through whatever storms that come their way is not one of them.
..
Notes:
i have used my own experiences with panic attacks and flashbacks here. obviously, there are a lot of ways to ground someone or even yourself and i haven't even really broached that topic here. i wouldn't necessarily advise anyone to handle something of this weight in the way its handled here.
just as a disclaimer.
Chapter 30: it's official
Notes:
sorry for the short hiatus! as an apology/celebration for classes being over, here's 2k of smut!
fill for this prompt:
"So you know how when Jamie went to get their civil Union papers she found Dani staring at the tub? Candles were lit, so what if she was planning a romantic bath for them? Could you write a story where Viola doesn’t interrupt by appearing in the water, so Jamie returns with their civil Union papers and Dani surprises her with a romantic bath and they celebrate that civil Union."
ft. pruned fingers & bathrobes
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
It’s the kind of night made for low lighting and steam-fogged mirrors—for vanilla scented candles and sounds Jamie makes as she’s coming home. The kind of night where Dani wants nothing more than to sink into Jamie’s arms and never leave again.
A good night, to be sure. The best. Because Dani can hear Jamie through the walls. Can hear her saying: “Our union is officially civil,” and, “We’ll get married when we can.” And Dani was never the kind of kid who imagined her wedding growing up. She never dreamed about white dresses and rose petals and her first dance with her husband. But she did imagine marriage. Life . A partner at her side forever. Someone to kiss when they get home and cook dinner with.
Someone to draw a bath and light candles for.
“Dani?” she hears next and maybe it’s silly how nervous she can still get—how shaky Jamie makes her feel all these years later. But her hands tremble as she grabs the doorknob to the bathroom and twists it, pulls the door open and steps out into the hallway.
She hadn’t even been this nervous the first time she’d gotten lingerie for Jamie—put it and some soft music on; sat on the edge of the bed listening to Jamie’s footsteps come down the hall toward the bedroom. She wonders why that is and is just about to chalk it up to the legality of the thing—there is something to officially being Jamie’s—when her eyes find her partner, her wife , standing at the edge of the hall.
“Poppins,” Jame breathes, her eyes moving up and down Dani’s body—covered in only the soft material of her robe. Her chest hitches visibly. “Wow.”
“Hey,” Dani says, trying her best to sound nonchalant, like she hasn’t been naked and waiting for Jamie to get home all this time. “It’s official?” she asks next, wanting to hear it again.
At once, a smile buoys up the soft lines of Jamie’s mouth and Dani can feel her own wonder at the sight of it lurching in her chest. “It’s official,” she confirms. She takes a careful step forward, then another.
“Come here,” Dani says.
Jamie smirks. “Whatever for?”
“Kiss me.”
And Jamie breaks, not willing to tease her any further. She crosses those last few steps between them and sweeps Dani into her arms, pressing their lips together gently. Dani’s eyes flutter closed as she puckers her lips into the kiss, arms wrapping around Jamie’s neck. It’s chaste at first—some black and white movie kiss; draw the curtains; roll the credits—but then Jamie presses in deeper and Dani follows immediately. It deepens, becomes a bit more impassioned. Teeth graze against Dani’s bottom lip and she moves her hands to cup Jamie’s face in her palms, cradle it there to pull her in, keep her close.
Her heart hammers in her throat and then she needs air and breaks away. Stays close, brushing her thumbs over Jamie’s cheekbones, the corners of her lips. Presses their foreheads together and breathes as Jamie drops back down from her tiptoes and to the floor.
“I have a surprise for you,” Dani whispers, so close that their lips brush as she talks.
“Yeah?” Jamie asks, eyes closed.
Dani hums in confirmation and then pulls away entirely, grabbing Jamie’s wrist and pulling her back and into the darkened bathroom. The only light in the room is coming from the candles Dani has lit and flickering on the edges of the tub, and a soft, florally scent of rosewater fills the air. The humid air envelopes their bodies, pressing in comfortably and settling into Dani’s bones, making the heat between her legs flare all the more.
Jamie’s wrist twitches in her hand. “Dani,” she says, “is this all for me?”
Dani turns and looks at her again, nodding. “Yes.” She moves in again, running her palms flat up Jamie’s forearms until she’s loosely gripping the backs of her elbows. She guides one of Jamie’s hands up to rest on the flat of her sternum, hopes she can feel the beating of her heavy, steadfast heart. “For us, if you want.”
With a small sound of satisfaction, Jamie nods and says, “I want,” as she comes in for another kiss. Shorter this time. Just enough to fan the flames.
Then she’s pulling away and unbuttoning her shirt, tugging it off of her body with a sense of urgency that makes Dani feel dizzy with lust and affection.
“Let me,” she whispers, reaching out her own hands to add them to the fight and Jamie nods, lips parted. Dani untucks Jamie’s shirt from the waistband of her jeans and pulls it over her head, Jamie lifting her arms obediently to help. Then it’s her belt that needs undone, that hangs loosely from the belt loops of her jeans, which Dani is unzipping and tugging down pale, skinny legs, the sight of which never fails to make her mouth water accordingly.
It’s only after Jamie’s clothes are lying in a pile on the tiled floor that she speaks again, moving in so close that Dani catches a hint of her breath: minty and sweet. “I want to see you,” she mumbles against Dani’s mouth, hands drifting down to pull at the knot keeping the robe together. The reverence with which she pushes the fabric from Dani’s shoulders sort of makes her want to cry, if only for the familiarity in each touch.
She can still remember that first time, pressed together in the darkness of her bedroom at Bly, and how genuinely Jamie sighed into every kiss. Her hands had been tentative in their exploration then, in the way they peeled Dani’s clothes from her skin for the first time, and that was one of the loveliest moments of Dani’s life, but she would trade it over and over again for this:
For the close acquaintance Jamie has with every yielding inch of her body. The knowledge permeating each kiss, each touch, each brush of their skin together. This is the touch of someone who understands Dani better than she understands herself.
It’s more than she ever knew to wish for.
Not much later, they’re lounging in the bath together, Jamie sitting between Dani’s legs, her back pressed against Dani’s chest. The water laves its warmth across her skin, sinking into each part of her and making her head feel heavy with the tired fog of desire.
There’s an intimacy in being with someone you love like this; Dani runs a damp washcloth covered in fragrant soap over Jamie’s skin, scrubbing her clean in one of the most physical acts of taking care of her she can muster. She loves the way Jamie’s skin looks when it’s wet like this, how the candlelight flickers on the pale of it, lining the beautiful, sinewy muscles of her upper arms and stomach. The suds of the soap linger on the rippling water top, glinting just as finely as Dani sets the washcloth aside and runs her fingers over the skin instead. Every inch of it she can reach.
Jamie sighs with each touch, her head lolling back against Dani’s shoulder, turning every so often to press a kiss to the underside of Dani’s jaw. “This is so nice,” she whispers as Dani traces patterns on the tops of her thighs underwater.
“You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me,” Dani says, catching herself off guard with the words and the raw devotion in her voice.
It seems to catch Jamie off guard a little, too, given the way she lifts her body a little so she can turn properly. So they can look at one another. Sudsy, wrinkled fingertips brush along her jaw as Jamie brings Dani’s face between her hands, looking her over seriously. “I know the feeling,” she says.
Then they’re kissing again, soft at first and then less so. It’s strange, really, how quickly they can go from one to the other; one moment sweet, the next so hard and hot that Dani is always a little surprised when she comes out unscathed.
The angle is a little strange—Jamie is still sitting between her legs—but they manage it somehow, Jamie still cupping her face as Dani’s hands drift down to brush against her wife’s nipples.. They stand proudly at attention as Dani slicks them up with some of the bath water. She pinches them lightly between her forefingers and thumbs and then repeats the action a little more firmly. Jamie gasps into her mouth and shifts a little, kissing back harder.
This isn’t the first time they’ve been in the bath together like this, but normally one of them stays where they’re at, leaning back against the other. Once, they’d been facing each other, legs bent and tangled together as they came together in the middle. But this is the first time that Dani has cursed the size of the tub, the angle.
“Come here,” she says, pulling away from the kiss.
Dazed, Jamie blinks her eyes open as she tries to decode what that means. “What?” she asks.
Dani slides her palms down to either side of Jamie’s hips, turning them a little until Jamie gets the idea. It takes some maneuvering and the water sloshes dangerously with each movement, but, eventually, they manage it so that Jamie is straddling Dani, her knees pressed between Dani’s hips and the sides of the tub.
“Kiss me again,” she whispers once she’s in place, an echo of Dani’s earlier request.
Dani has no trouble obeying, leaning up and bringing her mouth to Jamie’s in another fierce kiss. The ends of Jamie’s hair are wet and they brush cooly against Dani’s neck as she pulls her closer, sliding her hands up Jamie’s soft back, dragging her nails back down and making Jamie gasp and rock down into Dani’s body.
She drops her mouth down to cover each of Jamie’s breasts in turn, closing her eyes as Jamie runs her hands through Dani’s damp hair, pulling her mouth closer and thrusting her chest out simultaneously. “Oh, my God,” she whispers. Dani scrapes her teeth against her pebbled nipple and she makes this noise that has Dani pushing her hips up into the weight of her body. “Dani, Dani.”
Dani pulls her mouth away and looks up. “What?”
Orange candlelight flickers in the black of Jamie’s pupils. “Fuck me already,” she says. And then, “ Please .”
So Dani does. Of course she does. How could she not?
She slips her hand between Jamie’s legs under the sloshing bathwater and slips two fingers inside her without pretense. Even despite the water, Dani can feel how wet Jamie is. Knows that she doesn’t need anymore foreplay than what they’ve already accomplished. When she crooks her fingers, Jamie breathes out her name and presses her forehead into the top of Dani’s hair. The hot breath of her panting spreads down Dani’s face, making her fucking Jamie all the harder.
And she knows that the water is sloshing and moving with each thrust—she can hear it splashing down the sides of the tub and landing on the floor—but she can’t bring herself to care or slow down or stop.
Not with the way Jamie is rocking up and down to meet each one, her eyes closed and brows knit and furrowed like she’s lost in concentration, in the moment, in the feeling. Her muscles shake and quiver, arms braced on the ceramic edge of the tub on either side of Dani’s shoulders.
“ Christ ,” she swears as Dani slides another finger inside of her, her movements halting for a moment as she adjusts.
Dani halts her hand, holds it steady, and waits. “Is this—?” she begins, but Jamie cuts her off.
“Perfect.” She presses a few kisses to Dani’s forehead before turning and resting her fevered cheek at the top of it. “Keep going. Don’t you dare stop.”
And there’s little Dani could say to argue with that even if she wanted to.
She doesn’t stop. She thrusts her arm harder, tugs down on Jamie’s hip to keep her moving. When she brings her thumb up to swipe against Jamie’s clit, the noise she gets is so ridiculously hot that she feels like she’s going to pass out.
“Dani, yes, that’s perfect.” She pulls back a little and Dani tilts her head up so they can rest their foreheads together, so she can see the way Jamie’s eyelashes flutter as her orgasm begins to crash over her. “I’m gonna— fuck —” She draws back a little more, tossing her head back a little as she places her hands on Dani’s shoulders, using them to push herself up and down, fucking herself on Dani’s hand.
“I’m here, Jay,” Dani tells her. “I’m here, I’m here. Let go. Come on, baby.”
“Dani, I—” she starts, but then it breaks and she slams her eyes shut as it washes over her, over them , over Dani below her, still buried to the second knuckles of her fingers inside her.
Her fingernails dig into Dani’s shoulders and the muscles beneath her skin tremble like mad as Dani fucks her through it. She’s slick and tighter, squeezing around her fingers, and then Jamie is collapsing against her, grip softening as she goes limp.
Dani pulls her fingers out and wraps her arms around her wife, cradling her carefully. Gently. “I love you,” she whispers, pressing a kiss to Jamie’s eyebrow. “You’re incredible.”
“I love you, too,” Jamie says, voice still shaky, as she pulls her head back up and looks Dani in the eyes. “ Fuck, you’re good at that.”
“Learned from the best,” she returns easily and Jamie grins, those perfect teeth on display.
“Guess you did, huh?”
It’s amazing. All these years together and Dani’s heart still feels like it could burst out of her chest. “It’s official , Jamie,” Dani says.
Not marriage. Not exactly, but so close to it. A piece of paper telling the government what she’s already known for years. That this is it. Jamie is it.
“I know, baby,” Jamie says. "It really is.”
And then they’re kissing and laughing against one another’s mouths, water getting cold around them now that they’re still enough to notice it, and Dani never knew marriage would be like this. That it could be. But it is.
“Let’s just hope you don’t regret it,” she jokes and Jamie shakes her head.
“Never.”
God. She’s so beautiful. Dani can’t stand it anymore.
She slides her hand back down Jamie’s stomach beneath the water, between her legs, already sinking in and Jamie’s eyes roll back in a breath moan. “Again?” she asks, already rocking her hips into the touch.
Dani smiles. “Forever.”
..
Notes:
i promise to have more up soon! no fooling.
Chapter 31: pretty please
Notes:
kind of a sequel to chapter 23 and a fill for this prompt:
"Flora has a nightmare and crawls into bed with Dani and Jamie looking for a good cuddle. She doesn't question why Jamie is there and just wants her two fav people to protect her."
ft. a sleepy Dani & some well-earned snuggles
Chapter Text
In the time that Jamie has been working for the Wingrave's, and has been working at this house , she’s seen and heard a lot of strange things. Shadows moving around corners, voices in another room long after the children and Hannah have retired to bed. Cabinets flung wide open first thing in the morning, before anyone has even woken up, most of them higher than the children could reach even standing on a chair.
And other things too: footsteps, that strange feeling that someone is watching you over your shoulder, Flora talking, seemingly, to thin air. The list goes on.
These things are eerie, yes. Perhaps, when catching her at a bad time, even frightening.
But none of it could ever be quite as terrifying as waking up from a good dream to find you’re being watched.
Her first reaction, strangely enough, is to lie very still and hope that the figure standing at the edge of Dani’s bed goes away. Part of her thinks that she could still be dreaming, and if she waits long enough, she’ll blink and nothing will have been there after all.
But seconds pass and nothing changes, save that Jamie’s eyes begin to adjust to the darkness. In the beam of moonlight coming in through the curtains on the other side of the room, Jamie is able to see that the figure is small. Short. Definitely small enough that Jamie could shove it or toss if she needs to. It also appears to be corporeal, which makes sense, really, because Jamie has never seen a ghost in her life. She thinks she’d know if she had.
This is not a ghost.
A few beats later, she realizes what it is.
It’s—
“Flora?” Jamie whispers sitting up suddenly and turning so that her feet hang off the edge of the mattress. “Flora, what are you doing in here?”
The little girl jumps at the sound of Jamie’s voice, and then takes a few careful steps towards Jamie’s outstretched hand. “I had a bad dream,” she says, her voice cracking with the slightest lingering trace of sleep. As she draws near, Jamie leans down and picks her up by the waist, hauling her up until she’s sitting on the edge of the bed beside her.
“You had a bad dream?” Jamie asks, arm around Flora’s tiny shoulders. “What happened?”
Flora shakes her head, leaning her drooping weight against Jamie’s side. “I don’t remember,” she answers. “But you were there. You were there and I was there and Miles was there...and Uncle Henry. But Miss Clayton wasn’t.”
Jamie nods and presses a kiss to the crown of Flora’s head. She’s certainly had dreams like that before. “I’m sorry, love,” she whispers.
“Did you have another nightmare?” Flora asks, her arms coming out to wrap around Jamie’s middle as far as they can. “Is that why you’re here again?”
This gives Jamie pause: the last time her and Flora had a late-night chat had been in the girl’s bedroom and she’d been—
Well, frustrated isn’t quite it, but she can’t think of a better term because she’d been in Dani’s bed just moments before. She’d been lying on her back, head pressed into Dani’s pillows, thighs spread open and legs bent, Dani’s head bobbing between her legs, the blankets half thrown over them both. And then there’d been a noise from the door. A gasp and a creak of the floorboards and then the patter of footsteps running down the hallway.
Nightmares. That had been the lie Dani rapid-fired in Flora’s worried direction the moment she started questioning Jamie’s overnight presence in her governess’s bed.
So she nods. Says, “Yeah, I did.”
She’s about to say more when there’s movement on the other side of the bed as Dani rolls over, stirred to wakefulness by the sound of their conversation. She reaches out one hand and fumbles to find Jamie. When her arm hits empty air, her eyes crack open and she blinks in the darkness, looking around a little frantically. Jamie reaches back and grabs her hand, squeezing it to reassure her.
“Jay,” Dani breathes and her voice is ragged and low in a way that never fails to make Jamie shiver, “you okay? What’s—” Finally, she must see Flora sitting there with her arms around Jamie’s torso because she sits up a little too quickly, blinking in surprise. “Flora? What’s going on?”
“She had a nightmare,” Jamie tells her softly and Dani’s eyes are wide with the shock of the whole situation, her tired mind trying to catch up. Finally, her gaze softens and she fixes it on the little girl again.
“Oh, no. You did?” she asks and Flora nods. Dani pushes herself up right a little and opens her arms, saying, “Come here.”
Flora does, releasing Jamie so she can crawl across the bed and fall into Dani’s embrace. Her arms go around Dani’s neck and Dani’s arms wrap around her, eyes finding Jamie’s in the darkness. She mouths the word, “Sorry,” but Jamie shakes her off.
Tries to make a face that conveys, “No need.”
Her breath is caught in her chest at the sight of Dani and Flora together, the way the girl willingly and so lovingly trusts that Dani will fix it. Save her from the monsters lurking in her sleep. Fix it all. And she loves Dani so fervidly as she sits there that the feeling goes right through her, tongue thickening in her mouth.
“Let me just take you back to bed, okay? And I’ll stay with you,” Dani is saying to Flora.
Jamie imagines this hypothetical scenario: her girlfriend sleeping on a tiny bed made for a child with a child already in it while she lies in her girlfriend’s bed alone.
Quick as she can, she shakes her head, reaching out one hand to rest it on Flora’s back. “She can just stay here,” she offers. “I can...I can take the couch for the night.”
Dani looks like she very much wants to argue but, before she can, Flora turns pulling away from her a little to do so. She looks half-asleep already and she shakes her head, fixing Jamie with the most puppy-dog-eyed expression she’s ever seen. “No,” she says, “Jamie, stay. Pretty please.”
Without deciding to, Jamie nods. Lets Flora grab her hand and pull it close.
“Is that okay?” Dani asks, the question aimed at Jamie, eyes begging nearly as much as Flora’s.
There’s the feeling of something stuck in her chest, her heart struggling to beat around it. Somehow, loving Dani has made her soft. Made her tremble. Made her want to stay forever, however. Anywhere Dani is. Even if Flora’s there, too.
“Of course that’s okay,” Jamie says and Flora smiles, reaching out for her, and who is Jamie kidding, really?
Especially if Flora’s there too.
After some shuffling and redistributing of the sheets and blankets, they’re lying down together. Flora is in the middle between Dani and Jamie, tucked into each of them as closely as they can manage. Jamie and Dani each have an arm around her, Jamie using her hand to fist the sleeve of Dani’s sleep shirt in her hand. Dani’s fingers brush softly up and down Jamie’s upper arm.
“Goodnight,” Flora whispers, already drifting off, her breath coming out as little puffs of air as she snuggles further into their combined warmth.
“G’night,” Jamie echoes, and then Dani says much the same, running her fingers through Flora’s hair to calm her, to help her fall asleep.
Their eyes meet and Dani smiles, tired eyes and slow grin. She mouths, “I love you,” and Jamie loses her head to the swirl of emotions inside of it, the heat blooming beneath Dani’s soft, loving gaze.
“I love you, too,” she mouths back, the air of her breath brushing over Flora’s forehead until it reaches Dani, still smiling across from her.
And the thing is: there’s nothing at all terrifying about that.
..
Chapter 32: if the truck's a'rocking
Notes:
this is a combination of a couple of prompts, one for car sex (i believe, specifically, that CPR might have requested an elaboration of the car sex briefly mentioned in Chapter 14) and this:
"Can I offer another prompt? How about their first date? You've written a road trip and it ends with them in Vermont. How about a follow up where Jamie takes Dani somewhere nice, just a normal date."
this is a normal first date, save for the sex that happens at the end. couldn't keep it out! oops. hopefully you enjoy it anyway!
ft. an unconventional "hand job" & a truck
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
It doesn’t hit Jamie until they’re sitting across from one another at the restaurant that this is technically her and Dani’s first official date. It’s a fitting enough venue for it—this cute, little Italian place that one of the real estate agent who helped them lease the shop recommended.
The outdoor seating area is strung up with fairy lights, the soft glow bathing the cool view of the bay with romantic light. It’s a Friday, which means the restaurant is fairly packed, and the buzz of a dozen other conversations settles over their table like a warm fog, swirling between their companionable silence as they peruse their menus.
Every so often, Jamie will look up and eye Dani sitting there, some of her blonde hair tucked behind her ear, biting at her lip as she considers her options. She’s so comfortable now, as if she’s been able to settle further into her skin and bones since she and Jamie found a home, and started building a life together. It’s a far cry from the way she’d been at Bly where, even if she was fairly adjusted at the time, she was always visibly nervous. Her eyes were always wide and wild, always fidgeting with her hands and her clothes and talking too loud or too soft—never settling on a good enough volume.
It’s been eight months since that first not-date in the woods, since that kiss in the greenhouse—feeling Dani’s smile and Dani’s laugh against her mouth and skin for the first time. Jamie is so glad for every moment they’ve had together, every moment to come, but there’s fear there, too. Fear of the unknown.
Some days she’s absolutely petrified that she will look into Dani’s eyes and see someone else looking back at her.
But not yet, she tells herself. If at all.
She’s pondering this, still, when she feels a soft hand cover her own on the table. When she looks up, Dani is watching her. “Are you okay?” she asks.
Jamie smiles. “I’m perfect,” she says honestly, then flips her hand so that she can cradle Dani’s in it. Hold it properly.
“Me, too,” Dani returns, and she sounds like she properly means it.
Jamie studies her expression, the dip in the corners of her lips, the lines beneath her eyes and the flutter of her eyelashes. Squeezes Dani’s hand. “This is our first date, you know,” she says, and her tone is regular but she knows there’s a note of underlying wonder in it.
As she watches, Dani’s eyes open a little more and the corners of her lips begin to turn up. “That can’t be right,” she says. “We’ve had plenty of dates.”
With a shake of her head, Jamie hums a dissenting note. “No, we haven’t. Not real ones anyway.”
“What counts as a real date?”
Tapping her foot on the wooden boards beneath their tap, Jamie considers her options. There are a few ways to say it, maybe, but she decides on this:
“This. The two of us out in some public place. Holding hands. Having a proper meal together.”
Dani purses her lips. “Ah,” she says. “So you want to be wined and dined, then.”
“Yes,” Jamie says, a laugh building up in her throat.
“My apologies.”
“Better late than never, yeah?”
A squeeze to her hand. “I guess so.”
Their waitress returns then to take their orders and Dani’s hand stays right where it is. And they’ve done this in public before, of course—held hands—but they’re having dinner together at a nice restaurant and, after, they’ll go home to an apartment they share and so Jamie is just really, really hoping she doesn’t wake up anytime soon.
It’s easy with Dani, though Jamie never thought love would be for her. Half the time, she thinks she’s dreaming. So much of Dani seems too good to be true. But it’s true. Every bit of it.
And she’s been on a handful of real dates before—most of them in pubs back in England—but never like this. They spend the majority of the evening talking softly about the life they share. Normal things like their days and their feelings; they make vague plans for grocery shopping later on in the week and Dani keeps laughing at the little things Jamie says that probably aren’t even that funny.
But, to Dani, it doesn’t matter. Sometimes she has this look like she can’t believe her luck either. Jamie’s still trying to wrap her head around it. She’s never been the answer to anyone’s prayer before.
“This is going pretty well for a first date,” Dani says, sipping from her wine glass without breaking eye contact.
“Yeah?” Jamie asks.
“Sure. Easily one of the best I’ve been on.”
“How many have you been on?”
Dani purses her lips again. “Counting this one?” she asks, and Jamie nods. “Two.”
“Well, I guess you’re the authority on it, then,” Jamie teases and Dani grins.
On the table, her fingers stroke back and forth over the back of Jamie’s hand, leaving tiny sparks in their wake at the shiver of each touch. It’s familiar; Dani’s fingers are always seeking out Jamie’s bare skin wherever she can find it. Sometimes they’ll be sitting beside one another and Jamie will feel the warm brush of fingers beneath her shirt, in the dip of her back or the skin of her ribs.
The wine is settling into her mind, making her feel a little sleepy and a lot enamored with every little thing Dani does—the way she breathes, the way she tilts her head, the way her fingers grip the stem of her wine glass. She has nice fingers. Her eyes trace their familiar length and shape fondly, a montage of each time they’ve touched her playing in her mind in a whirlwind that makes heat flare between her legs.
She crosses them under the table and leans forward.
“So,” she drawls, deciding to try her luck—knowing by the flush of Dani’s cheeks that she’ll end up lucky no matter what happens, “how do you feel about kissing on the first date?”
Dani straightens her posture a little, a smile twisting on her lips. “Good question,” she says. “Who wants to know?” She circles Jamie’s knuckles with her fingertips as she speaks.
“Asking for a friend,” Jamie jokes and Dani laughs, taking another sip of wine.
“Well, tell your friend that I have a hard time saying no to pretty girls.”
“That so?”
Dani nods.
“Hmm,” Jamie hums. “Might have to try that out.”
Dani moves her touch again, this time stroking Jamie’s first and middle fingers slowly, running the pads of her own fingers up and down them. It’s funny, but, as slight as the gesture is, it effectively floors her and brings her mind to a stuttering halt. The touch really could be innocent, but it feels filthy for some reason. Makes her imagine putting those fingers between Dani’s legs like she’d had them just the night before, pressed together in their bed—the way Dani’s hips rose and fell beneath her with each and every thrust of Jamie’s hand.
“Careful,” she warns, chest dotting rouge from the blush, spreading up her neck to the backs of her ears.
Dani gives her an innocent look, but Jamie knows her too well to do anything but look right through it. “Sorry?”
“You know exactly what you’re doing.”
A smirk. She strokes Jamie’s fingers a little more possessively. “What am I doing?”
There’s a quality to Dani’s voice that makes Jamie’s throat feel parched, her lips feel dry, and her fingers twitch on the table, longing to reach out and pull her in . She doesn’t. Instead, she lifts her wine with her free hand and polishes it off quickly, fixing her girlfriend with a hard look as she swallows and sets the glass back down.
“And sex on the first date,” she says, dropping the volume of her voice so that only Dani can hear her. “How do you feel about that?”
She’s so distracted by the feeling of Dani touching her and the thrum of blood in her veins that she almost misses the blazing look in Dani’s eyes.
“Normally,” Dani begins, “I’d say never.” Jamie blinks at the husk in the other woman’s voice. Resists the urge to shiver. Dani leans forward, leaning on her elbows and coming so close that the white fairy lights are visible in the shine of her eyes. “But this isn’t a normal first date, is it?”
The check can’t come quick enough.
____________________
They don’t even make it home first. Dani refuses to let go of Jamie’s hand all the way out to the parking lot and they’re barely to the truck before she’s kissing Jamie eagerly, tugging her in by the waist. Jamie kisses her back without hesitation, desire igniting beneath her skin and pushing her into action. She walks Dani backwards the rest of the way without pulling back from the kiss, pushing her against the cool metal of the truck once they reach it.
Dani gasps, surprised, as her back collides with the vehicle, nipping at Jamie’s lip and making Jamie groan into her mouth. The parking lot, though it is filled with cars, is empty from what Jamie saw before Dani pounced and she’s grateful for it because that means she doesn’t have to hurry to find her keys—doesn’t have to tug away as Dani’s mouth drifts down jaw and neck.
And she’s so grateful for it because Dani is gorgeous and preposterously sexy, panting against Jamie’s skin and making Jamie feel sort of like she’s dying.
“Hang on,” she whispers, eyes fluttering closed at the sensation of teeth grazing against her jugular. “ Fuck .”
Dani giggles against her neck. “That’s the idea,” she mumbles and Jamie nods, hands shaking as she tries to slot the car key into the lock.
“I know, I know. I just—Let me get the door, okay?”
Dani nods, but doesn’t pull away. Doesn’t even try, really, to be helpful, just continues to be a delicious distraction as Jamie does her level best to think clearly. Eventually, she manages to get the door and then pushes Dani towards it until Dani gets the idea and pulls away, stepping up and then sitting down on the bench, scooting until there’s enough room for Jamie to join her.
As soon as Jamie gets the door shut behind them, Dani kisses her again. The keys drop to the floor as Jamie lifts her hands to thread her fingers through Dani’s hair and tug her further into the kiss. There’s a hand on her knee, fingers brushing back and forth, the heat of the touch radiating through the fabric.
“We shouldn’t do this here,” she gasps, but makes no move to stop. Instead, she just dots kisses over to Dani’s ear and draws her lobe between her lips, nibbling a little and making Dani squirm into her.
“Right,” Dani gasps. “Right, let’s just—”
She’s cut off when Jamie leans forward and presses her into lying down awkwardly on the bench seat. It takes some careful maneuvering and there isn’t enough room or space—not even close—but eventually Dani is mostly lying down, Jamie as “on top of her” as she can be given the circumstances.
“I can’t wait,” Jamie confesses into the next kiss. “I can’t—”
Dani nods fervently, forehead bumping against Jamie’s as she does. “I can’t either.” Her fists clench in the fabric of Jamie’s overshirt, pulling her into another bruising kiss. “I need you inside of me,” she whispers, voice almost a growl. “ Now .”
This is one of the things that Jamie loves most about Dani: the easy and uncomplicated way they desire one another. It’s never been so simple with anyone else and there’s something in Dani’s next kiss that promises this will never change.
“Yeah, yeah,” Jamie says against Dani’s lips, nodding with her eyes closed. “Yeah. Want that, too.”
She slips her hand beneath Dani’s skirt and brushes her palm up her warm thighs, fingers reaching up and hooking on the double-layer of Dani’s tights and panties. Dani bucks her hips up into the touch, urging her to continue and they’ve done this in a few places—back at Bly in Dani’s bed, in her shower the next morning, Jamie’s flat when they left and a few hotels, their flat—but never in a car. So the space is off and it’s cramped and tight, windows fogging up, but Jamie doesn’t care. Can’t care about anything other than the way Dani’s hot breath feels against the slick skin of her own neck as she tugs the fabric between them down and slips her fingers between Dani’s legs.
The first swipe of her fingers has Dani’s head falling back against the leather of the seat, bottom lip caught between her teeth. Jamie’s abdominal muscles ache from the strain of holding herself up, but it’s so worth it to see her girlfriend’s brow furrow as she moans, bucking her hips up again. Jamie presses a kiss to her chin and dips her forefinger lower, keeping the pad of her middle finger pressed to Dani’s clit as she does it.
“Oh, my god,” Dani gasps, back arching a little as Jamie slips the tip of her forefinger inside of her. Jamie pushes in further, moving her other finger down now, too, and Dani groans out the word, “ Fuck .”
No matter how many times they do this, Jamie doesn’t think she’ll ever get used to the way it feels to be inside Dani like this—the tight pressure and flutter of her walls as she gives a soft first pump in, and then again as she slides back out a little. Another pump, scissoring her fingers a little with it, and Dani lets out a long whimper in the shape of another curse and Jamie’s name. One of her arms comes up to wrap around Jamie’s shoulders, pulling her nearer, and her other hand lifts to wrap around the edge of the steering wheel, knuckles white from the force of her grip.
Some combination of the motion and the sounds Dani is making, how tight and hot she feels, and Jamie feels the last of her self-control slip away. Not a moment later, she’s moving even more quickly, fucking Dani into the seat with an ardor she hadn’t known herself to possess.
Beneath them, the car rocks a little, and it’s probably noticeable to anyone who might pass by it—Dani’s moans and whimpers can probably be heard from outside the truck—but Jamie doesn’t care. Dani’s fingernails bite into the meat of Jamie’s shoulders and one of her legs lifts to wrap around Jamie’s, encouraging her to press in impossibly closer.
“ Jamie — Shit, holy shit , Jay, you feel so good, you’re so good, I’m gonna come, I’m gonna—”
The way her voice cracks and breaks around the words floods over Jamie in a wave too strong to deny. She allows some of her weight to fall into Dani a bit more so she can free up her other hand. One of her knees drops down to the floor of the truck to help her balance as she slips her hand down her own body, unbuttoning her trousers as she goes. A moment later, her fingers are pressed between her legs, thrusting into herself at a pace to match the one she’s fucking Dani to.
She kisses Dani, sloppy and open-mouthed, Dani’s teeth bumping against her own and then Dani blinks her eyes open. It isn’t as if Jamie is being subtle, but when she realizes what it is that caught Dani’s attention, she can’t help but feel nerves biting at the low of her stomach, vague embarrassment flushing up her neck and cheeks.
“Are you—” Dani starts, then cuts herself off with a high-pitched moan as Jamie presses the heel of her hand into her clit, slipping a third finger into her as she goes. “ Fuck , Jay, are you...t-touching yourself?”
Jamie nods loosely, head feeling like it’s beginning to slip away into her own dizzying amazement. “Y-yeah,” she chokes out, sucking in a harsh breath as she presses her hand against her own clit, speeding up her movements in both herself and Dani. “Do you want me to—?”
Stop .
She doesn’t say that. Waits for a response.
It comes in the form Dani shaking her head, whining and lifting her head up into another wet, open-mouthed kiss. “Don’t,” she says. “It’s so hot, Jay, I— Harder, please. Please .”
And it shouldn’t really be physically possible given the angle and the way they’re pressed together, but Jamie manages it anyway. She can feel the way the truck is swaying now, but it doesn’t matter. Nothing matters. Nothing except Dani and the way she feels, the way she’s breathing, saying:
“Yes, Jay, yes. You’re gonna make me— yes —”
And then the sound she makes as she finally, blessedly comes around Jamie’s fingers—the way her hold tightens and how the salt of her sweat tastes as Jamie follows after her, lips pressed to Dani’s neck as she grinds into her own fingers and gasps for air. Her eyes burn with the urge to cry at the sensations, at the smell of Dani’s perfume and shampoo, and her body heat, the way her chest rises and falls with each stuttered breath.
It’s quiet after, save for the ringing in Jamie’s ears and the way each of them is panting into the now-humid air of the cab. Fingers card through the sweaty strands of Jamie’s hair falling over her shoulders as she slips her hand out from her trousers, swiping her fingers at the fabric as she goes. She removes her other hand from between Dani’s legs, but slower. Carefully.
Dani sighs as she goes. Then says, “Holy crap.”
Softly, Jamie giggles against her neck and then pushes herself upright, looking down at the flushed, gorgeous woman below her. A hand drifts up her face to push some of her hair out of her eyes and Dani smiles, blinding and heavenly.
“Hear, hear,” Jamie agrees and Dani kisses her chin, then her lips.
“That was...really something, huh?”
Jamie nods and then pulls away a little more so they can readjust their clothes and get seated properly. Her muscles are sore throughout her entire body and she knows that she might regret parts of this tomorrow, but she doesn’t yet. Couldn’t.
“It might sound cheesy,” Dani says once they’re sitting up properly, still leaned against one another, not ready to separate quite yet, “but I had a great time tonight.”
“Me, too,” Jamie says with a smile. “We should do it again sometime.”
“Which part?”
Something mischievous flashes in Dani’s eyes and, it must be magic, the way she can make all of Jamie’s common sense disappear with only that.
“All of it,” Jamie tells her, lifting one of Dani’s hands to press a kiss to her knuckles. “But I was especially fond of that last bit.”
Dani presses her lips together, a smile threatening to break free. She says, “That we should definitely do again sometime.”
“Count me in.”
Jamie kisses her, soft and slow this time, but there’s still a lingering note of hunger in the way their lips move against one another’s. When she pulls away, Dani is looking at her in that way that never fails to make her feel incredibly lost and miraculously found at the same time.
“What is it?” she asks, needing to know the answer.
Dani tilts her head, smiling. “Lot of firsts tonight, huh?” she asks and Jamie can’t help but laugh as she falls forward, nodding against Dani’s shoulder.
“Yeah,” she says. “I’ll say.”
..
Notes:
the...ahem...finger bit Dani pulls serves as a call-out to my wife as well.
darling, when you read this, i see you and i know what you're up to. 👀
and maybe irl they should be a bit more concerned about getting caught (it is the 80's after all) but let's ignore that, shall we? i'd like to.
Chapter 33: sister, i remember
Notes:
i've had a lot of prompts for Jamie reconnecting with her brothers, so here you go!
hopefully you enjoy it.
ft. tea & height differences
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Nerves bounce furiously around her stomach, flutter inside her chest like heavy butterflies—like wind in her veins—and Jamie knows she’s shaking. She tries to channel it into her leg beneath the table, bouncing it up and down so quickly that it shakes her chair, scooting her forward a little.
It’s nothing. That’s what she tells herself. Just an ordinary day. Everything is going to be fine.
Wiping her sweaty palms on the fabric of her jeans, she looks cross the restaurant, seeking something familiar, something comforting. She finds it in the form of Dani sitting at a table near the windows. She has a mug of tea in front of her and she’s holding it between both palms as she looks out at the people passing by on the street. Jamie’s fingers itch a little with the urge to touch her, to get up out of her own seat and go to her, but she doesn’t.
“Jamie?”
The voice is deep—much deeper than she imagined—but warm, familiar. She doesn’t even have to look up to know who it is.
Standing beside the table is Mikey, hands stuffed into the pockets of his jacket and looking at her with a serious expression she vaguely remembers from when he was just a baby. She looks him over, takes in the clean cut of his light brown hair, the flush of pink to his pale, freckled cheeks and the gentle curve of his nose. If she squints, she can see the Mikey she remembers seeing all those years ago, little and chubby and reaching out for her with grabby hands as his adopted parents carried him out of the group home.
“Mikey,” Jamie says, not a question. “Wow.” She pushes her chair out, scraping it against the floor, and stands before him. He’s much taller than her and she has to crane her neck a little to look up at him. “Look at ya’. God, ya’ done growin’ yet?”
Mikey’s expression falters and then he smiles. “You done shrinkin’ yet?” he asks and Jamie laughs, delighted as the nerves begin to fade a little.
The last time she’d seen him, he’d barely been able to say more than a couple, garbled words in baby-speak. Now he’s teasing her and joking around.
More than anything, she wants to hug him, but she doesn’t. Instead, she gestures to the seat across from her own at the table and says, “If you wanted to…”
They sit down and sit in silence for a few moments, taking in the sight of one another. The waitress comes by and asks for their order, and when Mikey turns his head, Jamie sees it. On the side of his jaw, blooming down his neck, the skin is faintly mottled and jagged. It disappears beneath his neckline and, she assumes, continues down his chest.
An image flashes to mind of him as a baby, skin a livid red up and down his neck and chest. She can still remember the way he’d shrieked and cried and fussed and she hadn’t a clue what to do. She’d just held him in her arms, her own shoulder aching and flaring bright, hot pain through her nerves, and tried to quiet him down.
“I’m really glad you came,” Jamie says abruptly once the waitress has gone, shocking both herself and her little brother with her honesty. “I wasn’t sure if you would.”
Mikey nods. “Me, too,” he says, then, “I mean, I’m glad too. I...When Mom said you called, I...I was surprised.”
Mom .
His mother, he means. Not theirs.
The one that chose him, not the one that abandoned them both.
Jamie’s leg starts bouncing up and down again. She is suddenly very aware of the people around them. Her eyes flick over to where Dani is sitting again to find that Dani is already looking at her. She smiles. Jamie smiles back.
She turns back to Mikey. “Your mom said you’re at uni?” she says, hoping to open the conversation a little more.
“Yeah,” Mikey says. “I am. Studying accounting there.”
“That’s nice. And you like it?” He nods and she bobs her head in return. “That’s good.”
It’s strange to think of him as a nineteen-year-old. Every time she’s imagined him in the years that have gone by, he’s been a fuzzy shape or else that wailing, bright-red two-year-old that she couldn’t stop from tipping over that pot of boiling water. Some part of her expected him to be angry or perhaps even cold, given all that happened, but he isn’t. He seems happy in the most miraculous way, vivid and compassionate, filled-in colors and steady lines. They’d been blurry children together, sapped of painted edges and anything defining save for all they’d been left to carry for themselves.
She wants to ask him about his life—all of it; every part she’s missed. There are things that she does know about Denny, through the few letters they’ve exchanged over the years, but things are different there. Strained. Maybe they’re too alike. Maybe they’re too different. Jamie doesn’t know.
But she does know that Mikey is her little brother and the young man sitting in front of her—kind eyes and tentative smile; thanking the waitress as she sets a mug of tea in front of him—is a mystery she won’t be able to solve within this first meeting.
“What about you?” Mikey asks. “What have you been up to?”
Jamie doesn’t have a response to that right away. She takes a sip of her lukewarm tea, giving a noncommittal shrug. “A little here and there,” she tells him. There’s more to it than that, but the palatable version that has less a chance in changing the way he looks at her. “Worked at a house over in Bly for a bit, yeah. Gardening.”
It’s a very short version of the whole thing.
“Gardening?”
She nods.
“That’s nice.”
Silence falls again. They watch one another, the years and distance spreading out between them, lying flat on the tabletop. He has their father’s eyes, her eyes, and there is something in them that settles heavy in her chest. Something like: I know you and I don’t know you and I wish I could fix this .
She wonders what her own eyes say.
Probably something similar.
“Jean and Robert are good to you, though? Everything’s alright?” Jamie asks, unsure as to where the question comes from, but needing to ask. Needing to know.
Mikey nods. He spins his mug on the table. “We’re good,” he tells her. “We’ve always been.”
Jamie’s expression flickers, though she doesn’t notice that it does. “That’s good,” she says. “When we spoke on the phone, Jean seemed nice. Like she’s a good mom.”
Mikey’s eyebrows twitch upwards for a moment. She gets it. He’s not the only one carrying mother issues.
“She is,” he tells her. “I’m lucky to have them.”
At least he’s aware of that.
Across the restaurant, Dani has her chin leaned on her hand, very pointedly not watching. Jamie tries not to get lost in the shape of her profile, the dip of her jaw. It’s strange, but the longer she spends without her, the more she longs to be with her. Everything is still so shiny and new and Jamie is learning, much in the same way she’s trying to learn with Mikey. Trying to figure it all out.
But, in the end, there will always be things she can’t know—things she can’t fix. And there is peace in knowing that. In coming to terms with it.
What she can do: get to know him, ask about his classes, his friends, his interests.
Tell him about hers.
So, they talk. The two of them slashing their way through the overgrowth between them, all that dying green that’s built up in the time they’ve been apart. It aches a little, rattling like loose glass, to take these steps forward together, but they take them all the same.
And that is something, at least, if there can be nothing else.
Eventually, they come to a good enough place to end and then Jamie is standing again, just in front of her brother. Mikey towers over her and Jamie knows that they are both considering what they should do next as they part ways. Their movements have gotten Dani’s attention, though, and she’s watching them now.
“It’s really nice to see you again,” Mikey tells her honestly, far too serious for a boy his age. Affection aches in every one of her muscles at the thought. “Are you...staying in the city, or…?”
She knows what’s coming next and blinks. Says, “I’m...actually, I’m, um...I’m gonna be going to America soon, uh...in a couple days.”
Mikey does something she doesn’t expect then. He beams. “Yeah?” he asks. “Just visiting, or…?”
“Hopefully settling down somewhere,” Jamie tells him. “With, um…” She swallows thickly, heart stretched impossibly thin in her chest and thumping angrily, daring her to finish the thought. But she can’t. Not on her own. “Here, come here.”
She leads Mikey across the cafe then, over to where Dani is sitting and watching them with wide eyes, clearly not having expected to be brought into the mix. She blinks nervously, looking between the two of them, and Jamie settles a hand on her shoulder.
“Mikey, this is Dani,” she introduces. “She’s my, um…”
She doesn’t finish. Isn’t sure how. But Mikey is still smiling, eyes full of wonder at meeting this person who seems so important to his older sister. He reaches out a hand and Dani takes it, shaking it from her seat.
“Good to meet ya’,” he says and Dani smiles back.
“You, too,” she agrees. “Finally.”
Mikey nods and looks over at Jamie, beaming right back. “Finally,” she agrees and Mikey doesn’t look like he’s even considering arguing the point.
______
They make plans. Vague ones. Mikey gives her an address for uni and the telephone number for his residence hall.
Out on the sidewalk in front of the cafe, he pulls her into a hug that she has to lift to her tiptoes in order to meet. This is her brother, Jamie tells herself. A stranger still, yes, but maybe a little less strange. More than a stranger.
Her brother: golden, gentle boy that he is. He’s more than Jamie ever thought any of them would grow up to be, considering and if she has learned nothing else, she will walk away knowing this:
She doesn’t need to be sorry about anything in order to love him.
..
Notes:
i was being dramatic and the title is from "Sister" by Andrew Belle
Chapter 34: doppelgängers
Notes:
fill for this prompt:
"Jamie working at the Leafling with her and Dani’s baby in one of those slings."
ft. motherhood & flower arrangements
Chapter Text
Every day, it’s more and more uncanny how much she looks like Jamie. It’s in the brown tuft of hair that gets curlier every day, the longer it gets—so unlike Dani’s own baby pictures, wherein what little hair she did have was blonde and thin. It’s in the way she smiles, so lopsided and adorable, and the way her eyes shine in the sunlight—like she’s up to something, but Dani doesn’t know what.
Three months in, and it’s getting to the point where Dani has no idea what she’s going to do with their daughter.
Take now, for instance: sitting in the padded rocking chair Jamie dragged into the back room of their shop the week before Dani’s due date, Jack rested over her shoulder as Dani pats her back through her green striped onesie. She’s always so restless after she eats and trying to burp her is sometimes a bit of a struggle. Just like her other mother, Jack has a bit of an issue sitting still for too long.
Dani is just getting to her feet, wiping Jack’s chin clean, when the door opens and Jamie steps in.
“Hey,” she says, unable to keep the look of wonder that’s been near-constant on her face since that stick first said pregnant last winter. “Sorry. Ran out of tape for this rush order.”
“That’s okay,” Dani tells her normally and then immediately slips into her high-pitched Mommy voice to say, “We’re all good now, aren’t we, baby?”
As she says it, she turns Jack in her arms so she can see Jamie standing there and smiles at the look of excited recognition on their daughter’s face. Little grabby hands reach out, flexing and stretching clumsily until Jamie finally comes over, grinning already.
“There’s my girl,” Jamie says, letting her fingers be grabbed in Jack’s tiny fists. Her eyes flit up to meet Dani’s, still smiling. “My other girl.” She leans in for a kiss and Dani meets her, sighing against her lips, feeling floating and solid in that way she always has whenever Jamie kisses her.
Dani hums a bit and pulls away after a moment. “Careful,” she says, “you’re going to scar our daughter.”
Jamie scoffs out a laugh. “Hardly.” She pulls one of her hands away from Jack’s grasp and brushes her fingers through her curls affectionately. “She’s calmed down a lot. You’d hardly even guess she was such a troublemaker last night.”
“Guess my boobs are good for something.”
Jamie quirks an eyebrow. “Some- things . Plural.”
Dani rolls her eyes and lets Jamie take Jack from her arms, feeling the loss of her almost at once. It’s funny how that goes—how present that feeling is whenever Jack is out of reach. The first time she’d felt it had been at the hospital, just hours after giving birth, when Owen had been holding their swaddled, pink newborn in his arms and cooing at her.
And it was Owen , of all people. One of the greatest friends she’s ever had, but it still felt like cutting off a limb to be so far away after nine months spent as close as she could get. It happened with her mother, too, when she’d eventually made it to the hospital and spent twenty minutes looking Jack over and telling Jamie stories from Dani’s birth that had Jamie laughing until she was as pink as their daughter, curled around Dani on the hospital bed.
It wasn’t until Jack was back in Jamie’s arms as they lay on the bed together, counting her fingers and toes, filled with wonder and amazement at this little human that belonged to them, that Dani felt everything slide back into place. Jamie is the only person Dani can handle giving Jack away to. Because it isn’t giving her away at all. It’s simply...her wife holding their child.
And it’s one of the most incredible things Dani’s ever seen, each and every time. Each time it happens, she can’t help but remember the first time it happened, after Jack and Dani had each been cleaned up, after they’d been placed in a quiet hospital room with a barrage of nurses only a button-push away. Jack was nestled in a pink blanket, a little pink beanie on her head, and looking up at Dani with big, blue eyes, similar to the way Jamie was looking at her from beside the bed.
Jamie, Dani had said through tears she hadn’t quite realized were falling, come say hi to your daughter.
And Jamie had, moving slowly, carefully—the weight of all those heavy childhood memories bearing down on her as she took their baby into her arms for the first time. And it ached to let go, yes, but not in the same way. In a different way. A better way. A look at the two people I love most in the world way.
It feels the same now, too.
“Do you want to rest for a little while?” Jamie asks, smiling as Jack bumps her tiny forehead to her chin. “I can take her.”
“Are you sure?” Dani asks, wanting to protest because there’s work to be done before they close, but also wanting to lie down on the couch beside her legs more than anything else.
Jamie nods. “’Course I am. You’re the one she had up all night.”
As if Jamie hadn’t been up, too. Falling asleep with her back pressed to the headboard—head lolling like Jack’s always does in the bath, as they rinse the suds off her little body—as Dani tried and tried to get Jack to follow her lead and go to sleep.
Dani’s gaze softened as she watched Jack grin and grip onto the pocket of Jamie’s overshirt. Three months doesn’t seem right. Her and Jamie had spent so many nights of her pregnancy curled up together in bed and imagining the child they were about to bring into the world. But for all that discussion—all the sonograms and preparation that went into making their second bedroom a nursery—she’d never been able to conjure a clear idea of what their baby would actually look like. Now, the sight of their daughter—the way her cheeks puff up when she smiles, the way her little eyebrows move, the sounds she makes when she’s happy—is something she doesn’t think could ever be washed from her memory.
“Okay,” Dani agrees finally. She leans forward and rubs a thumb across Jack’s cheek. “Be a good girl for Mom, okay?”
Something flickers in Jamie’s eyes at the word—the way they always have ever since Dani used it to describe her. That’s what she is: Jack’s mom. One of them, anyway.
“Tell Mommy you’ll be the best girl ever,” Jamie says and Jack coos out a noise as if in response. Jamie has that ability—that connection with their daughter that Dani can only stand before in awe. “We’ll be right outside, okay?” Jamie says next, jerking her head toward the door, and Dani nods.
Before they can go, she moves to one of the shelves against the wall and grabs another roll of floral tape before turning back around to hand it over. “Don’t forget this,” she says and Jamie takes it with a smile, moving her arm back immediately to wrap around Jack.
“Thanks, Mommy!” she says in her very own Mommy voice, and then blows Dani a little kiss on her way out the door.
It closes behind them and Dani stares at it for a long moment, warmth spreading throughout her chest and seeping into her veins. She can hear Jamie’s voice as she talks to Jack softly, hear the sound of her movement around the shop, and Dani lets it wash over her.
She’s not sure how she ever got so lucky, and she’s still contemplating it when she lies down on the couch and drifts into a light sleep.
__________
The afternoon sun is slanting in through the windows by the time Dani comes out from the back room, a little tired still, but certainly more refreshed. In the harsh lines of their light, little particles of dust float loftily, swirling with the drift of the air around them. Dani stands in the open doorway and brushes her hand through some of them, watching them part for her, as she listens to Jamie talking quietly on the other side of the shop.
Her back is facing Dani, and she hasn’t seen her yet, which means that Dani can simply stand there and watch her family. Jamie has the sling she’s always wearing when they’re working on, and Dani can’t see Jack but she doesn’t need to.
“I know, I know,” she hears Jamie say softly. “I miss Mommy, too, but somebody kept her up all night long, didn’t they?” She moves a little, picking up something from one of the vases in the corner. “What do you think of delphiniums, Jackie?” There’s a pause, but no noise. “Yeah, I like them, too. And the viburnums?” Another pause. “Yeah, you’re right. Maybe just a little.”
She turns, then, eyes down on the flowers she’s holding and goes to the preparation table they keep by the counter. One of her hands rests on Jack through the stretchy wrap, who Dani sees that her head is back a bit, staring at the wall as it passes by.
There’s a vase on the preparation table, one of their prettier ones with its widened base and the thin, glass leg of it holding it upright. There are already flowers inside it: roses and lavender and hydrangeas. It’s beautiful—all pink and purple and green–Dani’s favorite colors, actually, and Dani can’t help but wonder what order it’s for.
“Look at that,” Jamie says as she places the newest additions in the rest of the arrangement, moving them around to make them perfect. “Good choice...Think Mommy’ll like it?” Jack fusses a bit and Jamie stops working, taking the time to press a kiss to the baby’s head, bouncing a little bit to calm her down. “You’re right. She’ll love it.”
The flowers, Dani realizes, are for her . Jamie has been putting an arrangement together for her with their daughter while she let Dani sleep and it hits her straight in the chest, stinging a little.
During the pregnancy, there’d been moments when Dani worried that the baby would be too much work, so much that she and Jamie wouldn’t have time together the way they had before. That they’d be so busy with her, figuring out how to love her and take care of her, that they would forget to love one another as well. But Dani knows now how silly a thought that had been.
She and Jamie will always be them . Will always be a team and a pair no matter what life throws at them, and, if anything, having Jack has only further proven how good they are together. Now they’re the best team Dani’s ever been a part of; they are moms together. And isn’t that something?
“Of course she’ll love it,” Dani says and then Jamie is turning, is looking at her again, is smiling bright and lovely and Dani thinks oh .
There you are .
Jack fidgets a bit and Dani moves forward, reaching out to smooth a hand over the baby’s back through the wrap keeping her pressed tight to Jamie’s chest.
“Hey,” Jamie greets softly, reaching out a hand to curl her fingers around Dani’s hip. “I didn’t know you were up.”
“I know,” Dani says. “You were a bit busy, weren’t you?”
Jamie’s cheeks turn a bit pink, so sheepish after eight years together, somehow. Like she doesn’t think she’s allowed to do nice things for Dani. Nice things like surprising her with a flower arrangement in her favorite colors. “Yeah, sorry. It’s a…” She takes a step aside so that Dani can see the flowers a bit better. “Do you like it, then?”
And standing there looking nervous and beautiful, their daughter held close to her, Dani feels so full that she could burst. Thinks she nearly does. Has to clear her throat.
“I love it,” Dani tells her. “Love you .” She has to crane her neck a bit, but she manages to kiss Jamie around Jack’s head. “Both of you,” she adds in for emphasis, giving Jack a kiss, too. “It’s beautiful.”
The way Jamie smiles then has Dani’s veins pulsing with pure devotion, and then Jack’s head is a bit tilted and she’s almost mimicking the expression—somehow, miraculously, her other mother’s mini-me. They’re perfect. Even when Jack wakes her up at one in the morning, screaming her head off. Even when Jamie leaves empty drinking glasses all over the apartment, covering the counters and tables in the living room, and table by their bed until she runs out of room. Even when they’re both fixing her with their best you’re kidding me expression.
But especially now—standing in the late afternoon sunlight, looking at Dani like she’s their whole world in the same way they are hers.
“She looks so much like you, Jay,” Dani says softly, and it’s clear that Jamie isn’t expecting this given the way her expression changes into one of mild confusion. “Seriously.”
“I don’t think that’s how it works,” Jamie tells her, but Dani just laughs and shakes her head.
“I don’t care,” she decides. “She is absolutely, one-hundred percent your daughter.”
Jack makes a little noise and Jamie looks down at her, hand reaching up to cup the back of her head instinctively. They stare at one another for a moment, mother and daughter, and Dani and they really do look too much alike. Dani is certain she couldn’t imagine the resemblance.
“Yeah,” Jamie whispers finally, pressing another kiss to Jack’s forehead. “She is.” She looks up and smiles. “ Our daughter.”
“Our daughter,” Dani repeats, and she leans forward, pressing her forehead to Jamie’s and pressing her hand to Jack’s back, breathing in the moment for as long as she can.
It vibrates to life in the air between them and Dani knows that things are different between them now, but they are not worse.
No, they are better. Changed. More now that Jack is with them.
The sunlight continues to press in, warming each of them as they hold onto one another, their child cradled between them, thinking about the way that they will never again be who they were before all of this.
And, dammit, if that isn’t a miracle.
..
Chapter 35: easy does it
Notes:
fill for this prompt:
"A fic where Damie say their first “I love you’s”?"
set in a No-Ghosts, Modern AU bc i can.
ft. dirty dishes & errands to run
Chapter Text
In the early hours of the day, the kitchen is chilly and mute, blue-gray sunlight drifting in through the windows to cast empty shadows across the counters and floors. The wind rattles through the house, sliding in through any gap it can find, and Jamie thinks that, if she tilts her head just so, she can hear the way the boards beneath her feet, the wood and stone surrounding her, bend and bulge to make room for it.
She tucks herself a little tighter into her sweater and looks across the table at Flora and Miles as they happily eat their cereal, talking to one another and Hannah. Owen is leaned back in his chair at the head of the table, his cup of tea cradled in his hands and steaming a little, still. Providing warmth, perhaps, where the house tries to leech it. Beside her, Dani shifts and their shoulders brush together and, as much of a jolt passes through her at the slight touch, the real magic is this:
That secret, little smile Dani sends her way after.
Like they are each from a hidden world that belongs to only them—where they exist and twine together in one existence, away from the prying eyes of everyone else—and are only visiting this realm for breakfast, of all things. It says a hundred secrets they’ve whispered in the dark to one another, limbs laced together warmly beneath the sheets as they caught their breath, as they kissed slowly and loose-lipped. Learning and familiar.
It’s been six months of nights spent tangled together in Dani’s bed. Six months of dinner dates in the empty kitchen late at night; of drinks at the only pub in Bly and phone calls before bed. Six months of Dani slowly figuring out sexting and Jamie nearly regretting teaching her about it when she’s interrupted in the middle of the work day with a less-than-appropriate message or worse : photograph.
Six months after that first kiss in June when they’d been walking the grounds one evening. Jamie saying something about her lost family, her shadowed childhood, and Dani turning right then and there and just kissing her . Beneath the sunset-pinked trees at the edge of the property, the heat of the summer pressing down against her skin, sticking her tight to her clothes, as Jamie presses forward into it .
Dani.
Jamie loves Dani.
It’s been right there on the tip of her tongue for three full months. She’s come so close to blurting it out on more than one occasion that she’s talked to Owen about it. Hannah. She’s called Rebecca in London and asked for advice on when she’s allowed to just say it . More than once for each of them.
So often, in fact, that Dani might be the only person sitting at the table that doesn’t actually know.
It aches in her chest, rattling around and begging to be set free, but Jamie hasn’t yet. Is too frightened, perhaps. Or maybe there just hasn’t been a good enough time.
Whatever it is, Jamie can see her own pinching emotion reflected back at her from Dani’s smile that morning so clearly that it’s nearly blinding. She’s waxing poetic about wanting to spend a fevered hour beneath the heat of Dani’s mouth in her own mind when Miles’s voice catches her off guard.
“—this afternoon, Miss Clayton?” he is saying.
Dani tears her eyes from Jamie’s and blinks, dazed, then seems to catch up.
“What’s that?” she asks. Then, “Sorry.”
But Miles doesn’t mind. Doesn’t even register her apology. Just repeats his, “I was asking if we’ll still be painting the school room today,” with little fanfare.
Understanding blesses the soft lines of Dani’s expression. “Yeah, of course,” she says. “You and Flora are going to have to put on clothes that can get paint on them, though, okay?”
Miles nods and Flora lights up the room with a smile of her own. “Oh, splendid, ” she says. “I had a dream last night that we all painted a family of bears on the wall! One for each of us. Owen, yours had a mustache.”
“Did it?” Owen asks. “Sounds like a handsome bear.”
“Oh, he was .”
The conversation falls apart then, the children too excited about how they’ll be spending their day to settle down. That’s one of the funny things about Dani: before she showed up, it was like pulling teeth trying to get Miles or Flora to participate in anything resembling a chore. The school room is one that’s needed repainting for a long time—given the humidity of the rainier seasons and its position in the house, the paint has been chipping for years. Jamie always figured that, at some point, she was going to have to just give in and do it on her own, but, now that Dani is here, it seems she’s acquired three new sets of helping hands. Maybe it’s the years of teaching two dozen students in America, or maybe it’s just a special talent, but Dani has managed to turn the mundane into the extraordinary so many times that Jamie wonders sometimes if she might actually be Mary Poppins.
Wonders if that makes her Bert.
Briefly imagines dancing with a cartoon penguin and almost jumps out of her chair when a hand touches her arm.
But it’s just Dani, giving her a look that’s half-amused, half-concerned. “Sorry,” she says, but Jamie shakes her head.
“Don’t hafta apologize for touching me, Poppins,” she says, giving a little wink, and Dani’s cheeks blush pink. “Just caught me off guard.”
Beneath the table, Dani’s hand is still on Jamie’s arm, her grip loose and lovely, sparking like wires up and down the length of Jamie’s skin. She remembers that morning—Dani pressed into her back beneath the covers, one of her arms wrapped around Jamie’s stomach, her fingers moving fluidly and madly between Jamie’s legs. She clenches her thighs together and tries to calm down.
It doesn’t work.
That’s the thing she’s learned the most often since that first kiss in the gardens: being with Dani is almost like being on fire all the time. Jamie can’t seem to catch a break, and she really believes now that she wouldn’t even take one if it were offered.
“You’re so pretty,” Dani breathes, but that’s clearly not what she’d meant to say. It just comes out in this drifting voice that Jamie recognizes because she has one just like it. Part of her is constantly reassured when Dani speaks like this that she is not the only one left dazed by their each interaction.
“So are you,” Jamie says. “Before you ask, I’m going to go pick up the paint after breakfast.”
Dani’s eyebrows lift a little, then settle back down. That’s what she’d meant to discuss, apparently, and, now that Jamie has finished the thought for her, she seems a bit more in control of herself and the situation.
“You’re a saint,” she says next and Jamie rolls her eyes.
“Hardly.”
Across the table, Hannah is getting to her feet and the children are doing the same, grabbing their used dishes and toddling after the older woman to take them to the sink. Dani and Jamie linger at the table for a beat, neither of them willing to release the other from their hold when faced with a long day spent beneath the watchful, innocent eyes of two children.
Finally, Owen stands up and they have no choice. Their only alternative is to spend the rest of the day sitting right there and Jamie thinks she’d end up getting a little stiff if they decided on that.
Dani offers to take Jamie’s mug to the sink and Jamie smiles.
Says, “Thanks,” and watches her girlfriend make her way over, setting the dishes she’s carrying on the counter beside where Miles is obediently filling up the sink with warm, soapy water.
“Who’s going to be my dish-dryer?” she asks, her voice enthusiastic despite the content of her question.
Still—magic as ever—Miles and Flora flood the air with eager I will ’s and let me ’s.
Owen gives Dani an impressed look. Hannah just smiles and leans against the island counter.
“I’m gonna head to the hardware shop,” Jamie says, seemingly to no one in particular, but it has its intended effect.
Dani turns around from the sink and smiles over at her. “You really are a saint,” she says without a hint of joking.
“Just make sure the little gremlins are dressed and ready when I get back,” Jamie tells her. “Housework waits for no man.”
“Hear, hear!” Owen says and Dani laughs as she steps around the counter to reach Jamie, still standing there.
“If you think of anything else you’ll need, let me know,” Jamie says and Dani nods, reaching out to touch Jamie’s cold hand with her own.
“I will,” she says. “Thank you. Again.”
Jamie shrugs. “No trouble. Won’t take too long.”
Normally, this would be the part where Dani would give her a quick peck on the cheek or on the lips and say her goodbyes. Just a quick thing because they’re half-a-year into being together and that’s the sort of thing couples do. Or so Jamie has seen on TV and is learning now—she hadn’t much experience before Dani. It’s happened so often in the past that it’s practically routine now, but things are different just then.
Something changes.
Because Dani does lean in and give Jamie a quick kiss on the lips. She does say, “Hurry back,” like she normally might have, but there’s an extra part thrown in at the last second.
“Love you.”
Dani says it so quickly, so thoughtlessly, that Jamie responds before she even processes the significance of those two words.
She just says, “Love you, too,” and goes to pull away.
But, before she can, everything comes crashing into her like a freight train. Dani seems to be undergoing the same realization Jamie is given the way her eyes are wide and unblinking.
They stare at each other for a moment—seemingly forever. Dani stands in front of Jamie, the light from outside brightening her hair into a halo like an angel’s, and her blood is pumping swift through her heart and veins. It’s strange that all she’s doing is standing in the kitchen—Miles and Flora and Hannah and Owen standing just behind Dani—and yet she feels like she could very suddenly run to the moon and back without needing a break.
Like she could fly or spread her arms around the world without an ounce of trouble and squeeze it tight . Like she should because Dani just said she loves her and shouldn’t that make her capable of anything?
She thinks so.
“I love you,” she hears herself say, slower this time, making sure that Dani understands.
Dani’s lips part just barely and she nods like she’s agreeing to something, but Jamie isn’t sure what. “I love you, too,” she says. “Hey.”
“Yeah?” Jamie asks, her eyes tracing the gentle shape of Dani’s face, the dip of her nose and the slender arch of her neck.
Dani leans forward a little, their foreheads brushing. “ I love you ,” she repeats.
Their lips brush together, soft and singing reverence in a kiss that can’t be sustained because each of them is smiling too much for that. Cool fingers wrap themselves around Jamie’s hands and it very suddenly doesn’t matter who else is in the room for this. It might as well just be them.
An ordinary morning. Breakfast in the kitchen and work to do later. After a night spent doing normal things; making dinner together and watching TV. Jamie vacuumed her flat and Dani wiped down her counters and then they fell into bed together because that’s what it is to love someone.
That’s how you do it.
In the little in-between times. Love in offering your jacket when it’s cold; in pressing your chilled toes against the warmth of your other’s skin; in brushing your teeth side-by-side and holding hands when you’re waiting in line with your shopping basket at the market.
What is so frightening about that?
What better time to say it than when you can’t keep it contained any longer?
Nothing.
There isn’t a better time.
Easy does it.
Life ticks on around them—the children laughing and splashing one another with water, Owen making a joke that only Hannah finds funny, and that soft, green paint waiting to be picked up in town—but Jamie takes a moment to breathe. To let the puzzle pieces slide together, colors mixing in and stirring out smooth. Clean.
Leans in and kisses Dani again, longer this time, and says what she’s been wanting to say all along, which is this:
“I love you, Dani. I love you, too.”
..
Chapter 36: suffering sappho!
Notes:
fill for a prompt from a while ago for roleplay? and also...one of them being a bit...tied up.
enjoy the sex!
(also apparently Wonder Woman's catchphrase was once "suffering sappho"?? learning new things today)
ft. the Lasso of Truth & Owen-worthy puns
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
“Okay,” says Dani, her tone filled with tender restraint, “if I’d known you were going to look like that I wouldn’t have told Bev we’d be at the party.”
“It’s not funny,” says Jamie, joylessly. The costume is a good deal tighter than she’d initially anticipated, and the shorts are certainly a good deal shorter than anything else she’s ever worn. “I’m not going out like this. I look...ridiculous.”
She gestures down at herself and just barely fights the urge to turn on her heel and disappear back into the bedroom before Dani can get another word in. Really, she knows the only person to blame is herself because she’s the one who hasn't done the homework. For all Dani has talked about this silly show she watched as a child, Jamie has never once bothered looking into it. All she’d known was superhero and alter ego . It seemed fitting— cute , even—that Dan wanted to dress up as the latter version of the former, leaving Jamie to the more heroic costume.
A couple’s costume that Bev and the other women at Pearl’s would think is cute . Not that Jamie and Dani need one of those; cute is practically the only word in the vernacular of the regulars there whenever the two of them go by after work. Normally, Jamie is just fine with that. After all the trouble it took her and Dani to get where they are—all those nightmares and memories and hours spent clutching one another, reassuring one another that neither of them was going anywhere —they deserve to be recognized for the domestic bliss they’ve managed to cultivate here in Burlington.
It’s certainly been hard-won.
But this, Jamie thinks—
This is a step too far.
“I’m not laughing at you,” Dani says, and it’s true: there isn’t a hint of humor in her voice. Just the unassuming affection of the woman who’s loved her for three years already. “That’s not what I’m saying.”
This does very little to clear things up and Jamie frowns, unable to resist the urge to cross her arms over her chest to try and detract from the pale expanse of her bare shoulders. Irritation simmers in her blood at her own lack of understanding; Dani’s lack of making things clear .
“I’m going to be freezing in this,” Jamie says. “I might as well go out in my underwear.”
Dani makes a face, but she isn’t frowning. It’s an expression that means something else. Amusement, perhaps, but that only serves to make Jamie even more frustrated. “Don’t you dare.”
Standing there in those silly fake glasses, that flowery blouse and that pencil skirt, she almost looks like a version of herself from another life. Her blonde hair is pulled back away from her face and her eyes are wide with something Jamie is too busy feeling embarrassed to name. Briefly, she imagines ducking herself into Dani’s arms and hiding away from the world—from her own plummeting sense of self-worth—but she doesn’t.
Not yet.
“You’re enjoying this too much,” Jamie says and now Dani does laugh.
“I am,” she agrees. “But not because you look ridiculous.”
The bird wall-clock in the kitchen—a Christmas gift from Dani’s mother—releases the trill, staccato call of a blackbird, meaning that it’s already eight o’clock. The Pearl’s halloween party has already been going for a half-hour and, while neither of them said they would attend the whole thing, the simple discussion of them showing up at all is enough to make Jamie feel guilty for standing around feeling sorry for herself.
“Then why?” Jamie asks, a frustrated huff of air trailing after the question.
Now Dani does laugh—this joyous noise that never fails to make Jamie swoon a little. “You really don’t know how sexy you look right now, do you?” she asks and—
Well, no .
“What?”
Dani takes a step forward and reaches out, pulling Jamie’s arms from where they’re crossed over her chest. Once she’s close enough for Jamie to smell the mint of their mouthwash, she says, “If I ask nicely, will you show me some other ways to use the Lasso of Truth, Wonder Woman?”
Her breath is hot against Jamie’s cheeks, flushing warmth down her lips and jaw, down her neck; images of the two of them, tangled together in bed, come immediately to mind, followed by one that makes everything inside of Jamie click to a sudden stop .
Dani spread bare on the mattress, her arms raised above her head, the silly, golden lasso from the costume shop tying her wrists to the slats of the headboard.
She just barely manages to keep herself from making a truly inelegant noise and Dani is so, so frustrating because she isn’t even touching her . It’s just words, just air heated inside Dani’s beautiful, wet mouth and that’s truly all it takes to make Jamie melt. Sometimes, it’s even less than that.
Love is silly. She’s still learning that every day. Love makes you want to fall to your knees just from the soft touch of a hand to your shoulder.
Dani brushes her thumb over Jamie’s freckled collarbone and presses a chaste kiss to her forehead. Jamie sighs and curls a hand around Dani’s hip, gripping the fabric of that pencil skirt between her grasping fingers. “If you’re good,” she whispers, flooding it with as much authority as she can manage.
She’s at a supreme disadvantage given the scratch of her girlfriend’s clothes against her thighs, but she thinks she does a decent enough job. Especially when Dani whines faintly, right in the high of her throat.
“An hour,” Dani says once she seems to have gotten herself together enough to form a rational thought again. “One hour. We have a couple of drinks, make an appearance.”
It’s incredible how quickly Jamie’s hesitation has morphed into something else—something torrid and fervid, a match waiting to strike against the hard press of Dani’s body to her own. An hour seems like torture. Too long for her to survive through.
But just a minute before, she was half-ready to crawl beneath the covers for a whole other reason. Now, confidence is ballooning inside her chest and the costume is beginning to seem less and less silly the longer Dani looks at her like that .
An hour seems too long.
“Forty-five minutes,” she says, stepping away and holding up a finger. “And then you’re mine. ”
Dani hums, leaning in to press a kiss to the side of Jamie’s jaw. “I’m already yours,” she says and it takes everything within Jamie to get her out of their apartment at all.
_______
In the end, the knots are just for show. Jamie’s never pretended to know how to tie a woman up and she thinks it would be a problem if she had anyway. The pair of them go into it knowing full well that Dani could pull herself free at any given moment—whenever she wanted to, really—but the fantasy is built on the magic of not wanting to.
She’s still in her costume blouse, though her blazer has long since been abandoned. Jamie thinks it might be somewhere near the front door. Her skirt, too, had been one of the first things eagerly removed; Dani sat at the edge of the bed while Jamie kneeled in front of her, tugging the tight material down her hips and legs, dotting kisses on her pale skin as it was revealed. The amount of self-control she’d exerted in those moments to keep from just dropping her mouth between Dani’s legs is something that she thinks she deserves a round of applause for.
But, then again, this works, too.
This being the sight of Dani below her on the bed, eyes shut tight, bottom lip caught between her teeth as she tries to hold herself together. Her chest heaves with each breath, spreading her loose and unbuttoned blouse further and further apart, until Jamie is the one who can’t breathe right. There are few sights more lovely than Dani whenever she’s right on the brink of getting everything she won’t ask for.
Jamie is positioned between her legs, which are hooked up high around the backs of Jamie’s thighs. Each time Dani deems a movement of hers as “too far away,” those legs pull against her, pinning her tighter to Dani’s squirming body. Dani is always so quick to fall apart, ever since that first time in her dark bedroom at Bly with Jamie’s hand pressed over her mouth to muffle her noises so the children wouldn’t wake up. She’s apologized for it before, citing her sparse sexual history as evidence for why it was unlike her, but Jamie’s never accepted it.
A few things Dani never has to apologize for: worrying too much, baking brownies from a mix for the n th time within a given period of time, and orgasming readily and easily whenever they have sex.
If anything, Jamie has told her, it’s a compliment. A testament to how into this kind of intimacy Dani is. She’s flattered. Really.
And, besides, it’s made Jamie more inventive. Knowing that Dani can come so quickly from just a few well-timed swirls of Jamie’s fingers has led to some interesting quickies in places Jamie never would have considered with any other partner.
Plus, this:
The way Dani bucks her hips, grinding into Jamie’s stomach, as she arches her back and groans out Jamie’s name. She goes slack after a moment, already spent from Jamie’s tongue on her nipples, her mouth pressing kisses across her sternum and neck. To be expected, perhaps, given her history and the warpath Jamie’s mouth has been on since she tied Dani to the damn bed in the first place.
“Already?” Jamie teases, scraping her teeth across the pebbled flesh of Dani’s left nipple. “From just this?”
Dani’s laugh becomes a moan. She thrusts her chest a little further against the warmth of Jamie’s mouth. “Don’t let it go to your head,” she sighs.
“What if it already has?”
It’s love in Dani’s eyes when she blinks them open and fixes Jamie with a mock glare. Love and devotion and maybe a little bit of exasperation.
All well-earned in Jamie’s mind.
She switches breasts, turning her attention to the neglected one.
“If you keep that up,” Dani says, breathy and frangible, “we’ll be oh-for-two pretty quick. And then how will I catch up?”
Humming against Dani’s skin, Jamie gives her a little shrug and winks, even as she flicks her tongue in the shape of an uppercase D . “M’sure you’ll think of something.” She presses a kiss to the nub of pink flesh and lifts her head, then her body a little.
“I’m definitely not a match for superhero stamina,” Dani jokes and Jamie realizes—quite suddenly—that she’s still wearing the damn costume. The stupid star-spangled shorts and the showy top tucked in. At least she’d thought enough to kick the boots off at the door. How Dani has been able to take any moment of this seriously while she’s being pinned to the bed by Wonder Woman— tied to the bed by her stupid, golden lasso—Jamie doesn’t know. She doesn’t really aim to find out, either. But, when she reaches back for the buttons on her top so she can slide the whole thing off, Dani’s hand reaches up to stop her. “Wait,” she says. “Leave it on.”
Jamie’s eyebrows raise. “Color me shocked,” she says. “I didn’t know you were into this sort of thing, Poppins.”
“I’m not,” Dani says, too quickly, and then seems to realize her fatal mistake. She winces, then starts again. “I mean...you just look really good in that costume.”
“Sweet-talker, you,” Jamie scolds, but she lowers her hands from the back of her costume all the same. She’ll keep it for the time being. Who is she to judge when she has Dani spread out below her looking like that ?
Dani’s legs pull her in a little closer, until Jamie is dropping down to her palms on the mattress, and she hums as their teeth clack together, pressing into a sloppy kiss once they’ve reoriented themselves. “Just the truth,” she whispers, the husk of her voice sending little shivers down Jamie’s arms and spine, pooling heat lower down.
“I’ll take your word for it,” Jamie breathes, and she kisses her again, one of her hands sliding up Dani’s ribs to curve around her breast. She squeezes softly, pinching Dani’s nipple between her first two fingers with the movement and Dani moans, this wanton noise that makes Jamie feel beyond herself.
“Wanna touch you,” Dani murmurs, her hands flexing where they’re tied up above her head.
“Think that’s the point, doll,” Jamie says. She licks into Dani’s mouth, the hum she gets in return vibrating her teeth and making her buck her own hips down into Dani’s. “But, for now...be good.”
The words make Dani curse under her breath and shudder. Jamie stores that reaction away for later and focuses, instead, on sucking a mark below Dani’s collarbone. Leaning on her left arm, she slides her right down Dani’s stomach and slips it into her panties, pressing her lips together as Dani reacts to this first touch. It’s her favorite part, really—the calm before the storm; just one breath before it settles in all the way.
Of course, Dani never disappoints. She makes this mewling noise high in the back of her throat, muscles clenching still as Jamie sinks her fingers into her warmth. Jamie only hesitates for a beat or two before she slides down to circle Dani’s clit with her forefinger, moving slow and steady, working her up bit-by-bit like she normally does when they’re trying something new.
And one of them being tied to the bed, the other in a fucking Wonder Woman costume, is certainly something new.
“You don’t have to...hold back,” Dani says, her voice gasping around each word. Her eyes are fixed down at Jamie, who stares back at her with a quirked eyebrow, trying to gauge just what means by that. “I’m not gonna break, you know.”
Jamie gives her a tentative smile. “Yeah?” she asks, slowing her swirling fingers to a standstill as she waits for this final go-ahead.
Dani nods, an eager bob of her head that, her skin hotter than metal in the summer sun where Jamie is pressed into her. There’s a note of silent promise in her eyes
( believe me believe me i’m good i’m great )
and whatever Jamie is expecting it isn’t this:
“Fuck me like you mean it, Jay.”
Simmering heat bleeds behind Jamie’s eyelids, flickering white snowflakes across her vision as the instruction cuts through the gentle pericardium beneath her sternum and sends her heart into the spit-fire tumble of a woman unhinged . It’s more than she could ask for and the surprise of hearing Dani’s careful and sweet voice say that is almost more than she can take, too. So often, Dani is completely unable to voice aloud what she wants—some nights she is too nervous to say whether she prefers Jamie’s mouth or fingers this time around.
And now—
She nods, dry-mouthed, and Dani has time to nod back at her before Jamie gives in to the push-and-pull tide of lust and wanting that’s always there, always present, between them. She presses her mouth against Dani’s in a wet kiss and then dots her lips hot down her neck, her chest—past her spit-slick breasts and bony ribcage. Nipping as she goes; sucking a mark here or there; making Dani writhe ; making Dani groan in the throes of some endless, painful wanting.
“Dani,” Jamie whispers, smothering the word into the dip of Dani’s belly button, “I can smell you, baby. Wanna eat you out so bad, doll. Wanna taste you.”
“Then do it,” Dani gasps and Jamie already has permission—she doesn’t really need more.
But it doesn’t hurt.
She pulls back enough to settle on worshipful knees, tugging Dani’s panties off—a strange dance no matter how gone they are—so she can reach her better. No limitations. No barriers. And Jamie doesn’t speak again. Doesn’t bother. She just leans forward and presses her mouth to the heat waiting between Dani’s legs.
It’s too much to be technical about it and there’s certainly no room for teasing anymore, so Jamie settles for licking Dani hard and fast. With the zeal of someone starving, on fire, gripping the spark of a livewire. She fucks Dani with her tongue and then slips back up to suck around her clit so that her fingers have room to move and slip down and in .
Above her, Dani writhes—a landscape of jutting hip bones, the valley of her stomach, her chin just beyond the round of her breasts, pointed upwards with her head rolled back. A wild string of curses and sounds that shape around Jamie’s name fall from her pink lips, making Jamie squirm a little on her own—making her hips jump and seek out the pressure of the mattress below her through the fake-satin slip of her costume shorts.
Wrists pull a little at the rope, on the headboard, and then Dani comes—this long, luxurious thing that doesn’t seem to end even when Jamie climbs up her body again. Not until Jamie is dropping to an elbow above her, pressing kisses to Dani’s throat and stroking her damp fingertips across Dani’s hip.
“Fuck,” Dani breathes and Jamie can’t help the laugh that escapes her slicked-up mouth. “That was—” she starts next, but Jamie shakes her head and then turns it to wipe her chin on her arm before kissing Dani. Hard .
“Not done with you yet,” is whispered into the warm cave of her mouth and Dani can only make this small noise of agreement in return.
Jamie thinks it sounds a bit like Oh, God , but she’s too busy reaching blindly for the bedside table. Too busy fumbling with the drawer and pulling out the small, velvet bag waiting inside. Too busy sitting back on her knees and finally pulling that damned costume off her body—tossing it somewhere, anywhere—while Dani watches with hooded, eager eyes. Too busy wrenching the bag open to pull out the harness.
Dani’s hands pull at the rope as she watches Jamie fasten the straps–and then the toy—around her hips, like she’s eager to assist her if only so she’ll move faster . But it doesn’t matter anyway because then Jamie is between her legs, guiding the toy in a gentle rocking motion, parting Dani with each movement and making her gasp. Making her shiver. Loop those legs up around Jamie’s hips and pull until they shift; Jamie slips inside her with the practiced ease of a seasoned lover, but Dani’s earlier words
( still sparking fire and whiskey-hot in the air )
change things a little. Just so.
Jamie doesn’t hesitate. She doesn’t wait a moment to let Dani adjust like she always has in the past. Instead, she withdraws almost immediately, cocking her hips back and then slamming forward and hard , making Dani whimper and tug at the rope around her wrists. She turns her head, pressing her mouth into her own upper arm like she’s trying to keep quiet, but that only serves to speed everything up.
Fucking her in quick, fitful thrusts, Jamie grits her teeth so hard they squeak and balls the sheets up in her left fist. She brings her right hand down to cup Dani’s hip, to slide along the thigh that’s curled around her own waist and grunts a bit in surprise when Dani’s heels press into her spine. “Wanna hear you,” she manages, her heart biting the words, breathless and lost to the imagined sensation of Dani squeezing around her. “Tell me how it feels, doll.”
“S- so good,” Dani gasps. She arches her neck and Jamie drops her mouth down to kiss it. “So good, Jay, please . Faster.”
Jamie slips her fingers between Dani’s legs, the angle pinching her hand a little as she seeks out her clit and presses into it. “Come for me, baby. Come with me.”
“Yes, yes, yes, yes.” Dani nods with each repetition, her whimpers singing along with Jamie’s as she grinds up into every thrust. Back arched and sweaty skin clinging to Jamie’s, everywhere that counts. Her eyes open and Jamie rests their foreheads together, looking at her, taking stock of what she has, what she has .
She has so much.
Her orgasm sneaks up on her, knocks her flat and winded down into Dani’s body, blustered curses and promises huffed against the abused skin of Dani’s lips. Lost in her own orgasm, Dani pulls free of Jamie’s piss-poor knots, her arms coming down to cling desperately around Jamie’s shoulders and hold her closer, tighter.
“Love you, love you,” Jamie says into each kiss, letting the press of Dani’s bones beneath her own bite electric and bruising for just a moment longer. Below her Dani nods, and laughs, kisses her back. There’s a ringing in Jamie’s ears that sounds a bit like a song that always makes her think of Dani. She hums it into Dani’s sweat-damp hair as they catch their breath.
“Mmm,” Dani hums, scratching her nails down Jamie’s back. “Love you, too.”
“That was...wow.”
A tired nod. “Seconded.” Her hips bump up against Jamie’s a little; the toy is still inside her and every one of Jamie’s movements makes her shiver. “Still hate that costume?”
“You’re ridiculous,” Jamie laughs, her vertebrae twitching beneath Dani’s palms.
Dani reaches back and grabs for the lasso. She pulls one of Jamie’s hands into her own and wraps it around her wrist, smirking. “Honestly?” she asks. “Remember, you have to tell the truth.”
“Is that how that works?” Jamie asks, thinking of Dani’s trembling confessional, given just before they each fell victim to each other’s desires.
“Yep,” Dani says, popping the last consonant happily.
Jamie rolls her eyes, always defaulting to that tender preservation irony has always provided her. “Of course I don’t,” she says and Dani’s smile is sparking bright and blinding, begging to be kissed again and again. Jamie plans to do just that—to pick up where they stopped for a breather and maybe even bring this silly costume prop into play again—but first things first:
“It’s a wonder I ever did.”
Dani’s laugh is one of the best things Jamie’s ever heard.
..
Notes:
i hope you enjoyed the sex!
Chapter 37: and baby makes three
Notes:
fill for this prompt:
"Would you mind doing a dani x jamie ficlet about pregnant dani maybe?"
and definitely set in the universe where Jack, their daughter exists.
ft. pregnancy tests & takeout
Chapter Text
Dani sits on the edge of the bathtub, waiting. She is staring at the back of the bathroom door, at Jamie’s towel hung right beside her own; remembering their shower this morning and the way Jamie closed her eyes as she let Dani scrub shampoo into her hair.
It’s been a long four months. Going into the whole thing, she’d known the chances of a pregnancy sticking right away would be slim. That it could take some time, a few tries, before anything happened. Sometimes it takes couples years to conceive, even if they are doing things the “natural” way. But knowing these things is different than experiencing them, even when she’s been blessed with such a supportive and optimistic partner in Jamie.
Jamie who holds her hand through every procedure; who buys pregnancy tests from the store because Dani felt too embarrassed to do it herself the first few times; who holds Dani in her arms every time the tests come out negative.
Jamie who is out getting them dinner. Who doesn’t know that Dani is sitting on the edge of the bathtub, waiting.
Dani checks her watch. It’s been only two minutes. The box says four.
Distantly, she hears the front door open and then the tell-tale sounds of Jamie arriving home: footsteps to the kitchen; the crinkle of the takeout bag; the fridge opening and then closing. Dani closes her eyes and imagines her in the kitchen, leaned back against the counter and wondering where her wife is.
When she opens her eyes, it’s been three minutes.
Footsteps again, the creaking of the floorboards underfoot. Jamie is looking for her, Dani knows, but she must see the bathroom door closed. The light peeking out from beneath the gap between it and the floor. The footsteps retreat.
Four minutes.
She imagines a cloud drifting over Jamie’s face like it has every other time and tells herself that, if it’s negative, she’ll wait to tell her. She’ll give it time and then break the news as gently as she can. With a deep breath to steady herself, Dani turns the test over in her hands. Exhales.
It’s positive.
Her heart hesitates, chugging on each pump, while her mind struggles to catch up. It feels like something inside of her is lifting and lifting, skybound and unfettered, and Dani blinks once. Again.
And then she stumbles to her feet, her legs numb from sitting in that position for so long, and tugs open the top drawer of the bathroom counter, fumbling for another pregnancy test. Wants to be positive.
Double-check. Triple-check, maybe.
Just to be sure.
________
Five minutes later, she’s opening the bathroom door and trying to pitch her voice louder without letting it crack with emotion.
“Jamie,” she calls. “Can you come in here please?”
Something metal drops to the floor in the kitchen. She hears Jamie curse and then pick it up, calling back, “Yeah! Just a sec!”
It feels like it takes years for her to finally reach the bathroom, despite how short of a walk it is. Dani’s heart pounds in her throat and her head, bites at her lungs. She can’t help but picture a litany of different reactions Jamie might have, all of them relieved, excited. Overjoyed.
Like she is.
Jamie appears in the doorway, smiling a little tentatively when she sees Dani standing very still and waiting for her. “You okay?” she asks, coming closer.
“Yes. Yeah. Perfect,” is the best thing Dani’s brain can come up with.
She’s too busy thinking: I’m pregnant, I’m pregnant, I’m pregnant with our baby .
Jamie reaches out and Dani doesn’t hesitate to fall into her arms. It’s been only forty minutes or so since they last saw one another, but it feels like it’s been weeks and weeks. It always does, somehow.
Nauseating , is how Owen and their other friends usually describe it, but it’s been nine years and Dani knows:
They’re in love . Terribly, wonderfully in love.
She doesn’t even realize she’s grinning until Jamie makes a face, her lips quirking up in a smile, and says, “What?”
“What?” Dani repeats.
“Something on my face? You’re smiling like a loon.”
Dani laughs and shakes her head, rocking forward to kiss Jamie’s nose. “No, no. You’re perfect. It’s just...there’s…” She stops and swallows thickly, forcing herself to calm down. “I have to tell you something.”
“Okay. Well, you look too happy for it to be something bad,” says Jamie, their child’s other mother.
Their baby . She can’t get over that.
And she knows they’ll need to go see her doctor again. Get it confirmed. But for now, she says, “Nothing bad, just…”
Another long, steadying breath.
Then, finally: “I’m pregnant.”
There it is.
The silence that follows is deafening. Dani can see the range of emotions Jamie is feeling painted clearly on her face. The way she inhales sharply, the way the shock makes her body shake where it’s pressed to Dani’s.
“You’re…” she starts to say, breaking off to lift her hands, cupping Dani’s face between them. Freezing Dani solid in her awed gaze. “You’re...You’re pregnant? You...We’re having a baby?”
Tears are stinging in Dani’s eyes at the look in Jamie’s. That wonderful disbelief. “We’re having a baby, Jay.”
“We’re having a baby,” Jamie repeats, like she’s trying the phrase out on her tongue. “We’re gonna be moms .”
Dani grins. “Yes,” she says, “we are.”
“I can’t...Holy shit, Poppins.” She laughs breathlessly. Exhilarated. Some great victory won. And then she leans in and kisses Dani until she’s breathless too. “I can’t believe we’re…I’m...”
She trails off, so Dani kisses her again. Says, “I know, I know. Me too.”
“Yeah,” Jamie breathes and Dani laughs again, brushing some of her unruly hair behind her ear. Her eyes land on the three pregnancy tests, lying capped on the counter and they’re close enough to them that, when she reaches out, she can grab one. “Oh my god,” comes her next whisper, staring down at the little screen—the little blue plus sign.
“I know.” Dani kisses the side of Jamie’s head, making her lift her eyes again. “We need to go...confirm it.”
Jamie nods seriously. “Right.”
“But—”
“ Yeah ,” says Jamie, laughing now, too, but her voice is thick. “Oh my god, Dani.”
That’s the moment when Dani realizes Jamie is crying. Her chin is trembling, looking at Dani like she’s her entire world and then Dani is crying too. She sniffs a little and wipes at her eye with her right hand.
“No,” she says wetly. “Stop crying. You’re making me cry.”
Another laugh. Jamie sets the pregnancy test back on the counter and pulls her closer.
“I’m just happy,” she says. “Really, really happy.” She leans up and kisses Dani’s forehead, then the bridge of her nose, and her lips again. Laughs against Dani’s lips, wet with tears, as Dani wraps her arms around her neck, trying to pull herself as close as she can. Whispers, “I love you so much,” into Dani’s hair after a few silent moments.
Dani draws her head back and looks at her wife for a moment. She kisses her. Her chest feels like it’s only seconds away from collapsing with how much she loves this woman in her arms. “I love you, too,” she says.
Jamie moves one of her hands from Dani’s hips and brings it up to rest it on her stomach. “Our baby is in here.”
The awe in her voice has Dani on the verge of tears again. She covers Jamie’s hand with her own and squeezes. “You’re going to be an amazing mother,” she says and Jamie looks at her again.
The weight of all those worries they’ve both shared in the past—fear of becoming like their own mothers; of letting their child down; not loving them enough—whisper ghosts through the curls of Jamie’s hair, making her shiver just a little. But she doesn’t argue. She just says, “So are you.”
Dani reaches up and wipes away some of Jamie’s tears with her thumbs. Lets herself be led to their bedroom—lets Jamie lie her down and hover above her. Cool air hits her stomach as Jamie lifts up the hem of her sweater, running her fingers up and down Dani’s flat stomach in breathless disbelief.
“Hi,” she says to it, then looks up. “They probably can’t hear us yet.”
Dani shakes her head, smiling. “Not for a while.”
“S’too bad. I’ve got a lot to say.”
Of course she does. Dani doesn’t doubt that one bit.
“There’s time,” she says, because there is, and Jamie’s eyes are shimmering again as she holds back tears.
“Yeah,” she agrees. “Lots of it.”
They lie there for a few long minutes, just resting in the truth of this life they’ve made together. Dani understands how lucky she is to experience this with the love of her life as they lie in their bed, the apartment they share.
“Right, so...if they can’t hear us…” Jamie says, breaking the silence. She has a mischievous look in her eye that Dani knows all too well. She clenches her thighs together as best she can without drawing attention to the act. “Right?”
“Right,” she says and Jamie grins.
“Good.”
Not a second later, Dani finds herself pressed down into the mattress, Jamie resting between her legs as she kisses down her jaw and her throat, tugging Dani’s sweater up again as she goes.
She pulls away for a second, grinning already at her own dumb joke and says, “Wait. D’ya have a condom?”
Dani smacks her lightly on the shoulder and laughs. “I think it’s a little too late for that,” she says.
“I guess it’ll be fine just this once,” Jamie jokes.
Dani wants to say something witty, but then Jamie’s hand skims the bottom of her bra, eager and sure, and she forgets about anything else but them .
All three of them .
..
Chapter 38: who is that girl i see?
Notes:
ahoy, ahoy.
i'm filling prompts again! can you believe?
this is a fill for several people who asked to see the "consequences" Jamie so cheekily promises to Dani when she leaves for the funeral.
ft. kitchen knives & bathroom mirrors
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Dani stands at the edge of the kitchen counter, cutting up vegetables for supper. She is surrounded by the hushed chatter of a patchwork family trying very hard not to mourn the pulled stitch from one of their own.
They are not doing very well. Owen is on their minds, on their lips, sprinkled throughout the conversation like salt. Guilt has been pooling low in Dani’s spine all day for two reasons: not attending the funeral and Eddie.
The former is only made tighter for the latter. If it hadn’t been for that last funeral, she could have gone just fine. If he wasn’t haunting her reflection, clinging tight to her bones and plucking the breath from her lungs whenever she gets too close to anything resembling moving on , she might not feel guilty at all.
Dani shakes her head clear. Tries to think of something else. Settles on multitasking because she is fully capable of doing two things at once.
So: she stands at the kitchen counter cutting vegetables for supper and adoring Jamie.
Eyes tracing the shape of her lips, the furrow of her brow, that tilted smirk and her skinny fingers pulling her earrings off right there at the table. Something heavy floods through her skin. Not that dark, dark shroud that accompanies the whisper of Eddie’s hands at her waist, but something easier. Cleaner.
( she is thinking, particularly, of her bedroom that morning: those fingers on her skin and the zip of her dress and, my , hadn’t that been staggering? )
There is supposed to be guilt edging along the lines of the way Jamie makes her feel. She is sure of it. But, instead, there is nothing but paralyzing fondness and, perhaps—if honesty is something she is allowing herself to taste on edge of her breath—a low humming thrill of arousal at the way Jamie catches her gaze.
“You’re not subtle, love,” Jamie says after enduring a decent amount of time under Dani’s enraptured eyes.
Dani flummoxes. In her mind, Jamie is pressing her into her bed and skimming a hand down her ribs.
She opens her mouth to apologize, feeling caught and embarrassed for having been staring, but Jamie doesn’t give her the chance. She simply leans her elbows on the counter, so near the cutting board, and smiles.
“Weren’t you meant to be relaxing?”
“I-I was,” says Dani, trying to form an excuse that makes sense. “Earlier.”
“But you’re not now.”
Dani has never seen someone smirk so seriously before.
She shakes her head. “No...I’m not, I’m…”
For the life of her, she’s forgotten every verb that might end that sentence. She shakes the knife in her hand for effect instead of trying too hard. Jamie’s nose scrunches in pure delight.
“I see that.” Her eyes dart over to inspect Hannah and the children, who are talking lowly amongst themselves. She watches them for a long moment, during which Dani feels strung up, suspended in time, and then looks back at Dani. “So…” she starts, and her voice is pitched soft and low.
Dani leans forward instinctively, simultaneously trying to be near enough to hear and also simply desperate to be closer . “Yeah?”
Jamie’s expression shifts into something that Dani can’t quite fathom. As Dani watches, she takes a deep breath and holds it in for a few seconds before slowly letting it out. The set of her shoulders changes, hiking up and becoming stronger. Taller. Finally, she says:
“I believe I owe you some consequences then, do I not?”
And the way she says it leaves almost nothing to the imagination. Despite the loud ringing sound in Dani’s ears, she recognizes the question for what it truly is: an invitation or, better yet, a request for permission.
And maybe it shouldn’t, but all that floods through her at this realization is the electric surge of coming truly alive . There is no part of her that is snagged on the reeds and Jamie has been all she’s thought about since she first laid eyes on her. She has counted their time together not in hours or days, but in magnetic pull between them that she is terrible at fighting.
Give in , she thinks; and so she listens.
So she nods. She says with parted lips and caught breath five simple words: “Yes. I guess you do.”
________
In the long hallway leading to the schoolroom, on the other side of the house, is a half-bath. Dani’s only been inside it one time—with Flora after they’d been finger painting a few days back and needed to wash their hands—and she doesn’t actually realize that this is where she’s being led until the door is open and Jamie is dragging her inside.
She’s too focused on the thrumming heat in the low of her stomach, the soft cling of Jamie’s fingers around her wrist, her own pumping heart.
Once she’s inside, she remembers the size of the place and Jamie seems to as well, looking around quickly before meeting Dani’s eyes again. There’s a question in her expression that she doesn’t need to ask for Dani to understand. This is certainly unprecedented and it’s almost reassuring to see Jamie just as unsure as she feels. Just as nervous.
This isn’t something either of them has ever done. She understands this so clearly it cuts through the cloud of fog rattling loosely in her veins and muscles.
With a flush of courage, Dani reaches around Jamie and pulls the bathroom door shut, clicking the lock into place. When she looks back up, Jamie’s eyes are wide, lips slightly parted, just as surprised by the action as Dani herself is.
“Yeah, yeah, I know,” Dani teases, rolling her eyes. “Who the hell knew?”
Jamie chuckles. “You know something?” she asks.
“What?”
“You’re incredibly gorgeous when you’re being cheeky.”
Dani’s breath catches. “Yeah?”
“Yeah.” Jamie takes a step forward and Dani doesn’t move back. Her skirt sways against the fabric of Dani’s jeans and she’s close enough that their breath is mingling in this completely strange and intoxicating way. “Also, all the time.”
“Oh,” whispers Dani.
“Yeah,” whispers Jamie.
“You’re really...Wow, you’re so...pretty, Jamie, it’s like— I don’t know how to—”
“Poppins,” Jamie cuts in.
Dani splutters to a stop, letting out a mess of sounds that sounds like, “Yeah-huh?”
“I’m gonna kiss you now, assuming you’re okay with that.”
Right .
“Yeah, yeah.” A few too many nods, like her head is going to wobble off her neck. “So okay. That’s—”
Jamie kisses her.
The first thing Dani does is gasp against Jamie’s lips because, even if the kiss is relatively chaste—even if Jamie is only cupping Dani’s face in her hands—she is certain this is the worst fever her skin has ever known. Jamie lips are a bit waxy from the lipstick, but are so soft despite this. She tastes like spearmint and Dani thrills to imagine her popping a mint in the minutes between their agreement and actually being able to slip out of the kitchen unnoticed.
Her eyes are still open and she can see that Jamie’s are not, that her brow is furrowed in concentration, like she’s been planning this for a long time and is just trying to get it right. Up close, her eyelashes are the loveliest thing Dani’s ever seen, tied with the gentle curls of her hair falling into her face.
She’s so distracted by all of this that she completely forgets to kiss Jamie back.
The whole thing can’t have lasted for more than a handful of seconds, but Dani is breathless all the same when Jamie pulls away. Her lipstick is smudged a bit, but not terribly. If Dani were brave enough to look into the mirror, she’s certain she’d see some of it messily painting her own mouth.
“Poppins,” Jamie whispers and Dani instinctively takes a step towards her, “you want this right?”
“Yes. Yeah. I want this, Jamie.” She reaches out a hand and hooks it around Jamie’s left hip.
Jamie frowns. “You sure? ’Cause it felt like you—”
“I just...I was a little caught off guard.” Dani leans in and rests her forehead against Jamie’s, their lips brushing as she says this next part: “I’m sure.”
A moment of hesitation where Jamie looks her over as best she can without pulling away, and then gentle relief shimmers in her eyes. “Thank fuck ,” she says and it’s Dani who leans in and kisses her instead.
She brings one of her hands up to cup Jamie’s cheek, cold fingers against pressed velvet. The tip of her middle finger brushes against Jamie’s ear and there’s a strange intimacy in that. Dani doesn’t think she’s ever touched someone’s ear before.
Jamie sighs into the next kiss, tilting her head to give Dani more access. She parts her lips and lets Dani lick against her tongue, lets herself be pressed back against the door. Her palms come up to rest flat against Dani’s shoulder blades, and then one of her hands moves to the back of Dani’s neck as she captures Dani’s bottom lip gently between her teeth.
“Dani,” Jamie sighs, scraping her blunt fingernails against the base of Dani’s scalp, “this wasn’t the plan.”
Dani hums. Flicks her tongue against the back of Jamie’s teeth then says, “What wasn’t?” She’s pretty proud of herself for how lucid the question sounds, how unphased, considering that she’s actively biting back the urge to grind into the other woman.
Jamie ducks her head down, pressing a kiss to Dani’s pulse and then dragging her lips up to the bend of her jaw. “I believe,” she repeats in a whisper, a sharp reminder of that conversation in the kitchen, “I owe you some consequences, do I not?”
Right.
Dani can only nod at this because it’s like every single muscle in her body is fit to snap. All she wants to do is grab one of Jamie’s hands and shove it between her legs already, fuck herself on it. But she still has her manners.
“What do you—” she begins, but has to stop to swallow, her throat too dry to continue at first. “What did you have in mind?”
Jamie has her bottom lip caught between her teeth, her fingers still stroking through Dani’s hair. She smirks. There’s something mischievous glinting in her eyes, primal and unfamiliar and oh-so-thrilling. “Turn around,” she commands.
Dani shivers, stepping away and turning slowly to face the sink.
At once, Jamie’s hands are on her hips, pushing her forward a bit more until Dani is thrusting out her hands to grip the edges of the porcelain in order to stay upright. Above her is the mirror and she doesn’t look at it because she is scared to do so for so many reasons but mainly this one: she is certain that if she looks at her own reflection, she will not recognize the person staring back at her. And this is a miracle she knows has already occurred—that has been occurring since Jamie walked into the kitchen for the first time—but she’s too focused on this —on Jamie’s hands on her hips, gripping them firmly—to deal with it right now.
“This alright?” Jamie asks, tentative and soft.
Asking for permission again.
Dani gives it to her in the form of pressing back against her until Jamie gasps at the sensation. “Yes,” she says, and then, “ Touch me .”
“Yes, ma’am.”
Steady hands smooth up Dani’s sides, pressing against her like she’s being memorized as they go. One of them continues its journey up, fingertips slipping into the neck of Dani’s t-shirt to lightly brush against her collarbone. The other one dips back down and presses against her stomach, inching down and down. All the while, Jamie is pressed into her from behind, her breath puffing out, brushing through Dani’s hair.
“You’re lovely, y’know,” Jamie says, that hand at the top moving over to brush Dani’s hair over her other shoulder, exposing her neck. She leans in and Dani can’t help but whimper when she feels lips brush against her ear. “It’s unreal.”
A hand fumbles at her belt. Dani bites back a moan to say, “I think the—The same thing about you.” The next thing she does is laugh because— “This certainly doesn’t feel like a punishment, you know.”
Jamie tugs up Dani’s t-shirt, untucking it, and runs the pads of her fingers across her abdomen. “Who said anything about a punishment?” Lips at her neck; Dani shutting her eyes and gripping the edges of the sink tight . “I said consequences.” Her belt is being undone now, Jamie’s fingers moving deftly even with the position. “That is...You didn’t relax today—” Jamie presses a hot, open-mouthed kiss to the hinge of Dani’s jaw, making her gasp a bit, roll back against the other woman, “—and I’m going to fuck you over this sink because of it.” Another kiss. “Assuming that’s what you want.” Her zipper being dragged down, button popping open. “Is this what you want, Poppins?”
Her voice slices right through Dani’s center. Even given the strangeness and the heat, she can still hear Jamie in there. Her Jamie. Despite her words, her tone. She wiggles back again.
“Yes,” she hisses.
One of Jamie’s hands drifts back up, slipping beneath Dani’s shirt and then cups her breast lightly, massaging it, stroking her nipple into a peak through the fabric of her bra. Dani leans back against Jamie’s chest, arching into the touch.
“Didn’t think my day’d end up like this,” Jamie says just under Dani’s ear. “Not that I’m complaining.” A nip of her teeth. Dani gasps, rocking back again. “Can you be quiet, doll? The others are just down the hall.”
That definitely shouldn’t excite the way it does. Not the idea of being caught—no, no —but the fact that, just minutes ago, she was in the kitchen just living her life. Making dinner. And now Jamie has her hand up her shirt.
“Yes,” she breathes, craning her neck uncomfortably to meet Jamie’s lips with her own. “Please.”
They kiss, long and languid, and Dani is so distracted by it that she nearly misses Jamie’s hands moving southward again. She breaks away and locks her elbows to hold herself up just in time, pressing her face into her own upper arm to muffle her moan as Jamie’s fingers delve between her thighs for the first time.
One finger slides down the length of her, just enough to be teasing. Then Jamie strokes it over Dani’s opening. When it finally slips in, Dani’s eyes may roll back a little at the sensation, but it isn’t enough. She wants more—all of it; anything Jamie can give her—pressed inside. Taking her.
Jamie starts shallow, unwilling to rush, but when Dani presses back against her and tightens around the lone digit, she seems to understand. It’s a request. A begging one at that: please go faster, please don’t be gentle.
There will be plenty of time for everything else later on.
Thankfully, Jamie listens. She pushes her finger in past the second knuckle, fucking Dani to distraction so she can slip another one in. The stretch is good—better—but not perfect. Not enough to make Dani feel full. Jamie rocks her hips against her, curling her fingers and stroking her thumb against Dani’s clit. Rubbing. Dani bites the soft skin of her own upper arm through her shirt and presses down into Jamie’s hand.
“Do that again,” she gasps as Jamie hits a spot that feels fluorescent—lights her up like a flashing neon sign in the dark. Electric and fluttering.
Jamie does it again, hitting that spot over and over. Dani writhes against her hand. She reaches back to loop one of her arms at a straining angle, around Jamie’s neck, and Jamie helps her stand up straight, pressing her mouth to Dani’s throat, tonguing at her pulse. She uses her free hand to brace Dani’s chest diagonally, her hand rubbing at her sternum as she pumps another finger in, curving and curling it just right.
“Look at us, Dani,” Jamie whispers. “In the mirror. Look at us.”
Dani doesn’t want to at first. Those reasons are still there. Because if she were to look up and see…
Well, this would be over pretty quickly.
But curiosity bites at her lungs. She wants to see. Wants to know what Jamie looks like when she’s fucking her like this.
So she looks.
Jamie is behind her, face flushed from effort, eyes blazing with something Dani can feel burning inside herself. She has her lips parted, breath rough. If Dani hadn’t been choked with desire before , then—
“You look incredible like this,” Jamie says, and Dani looks over at herself.
Finds someone she doesn’t recognize. Someone bolder and braver who isn’t afraid of her own reflection. No ghosts in her periphery, no worry in her eyes. Her cheeks are pink, lipstick smeared across her lips, wisps of her hair falling into her eyes from her ruined ponytail. Her eyes glance down, but the mirror cuts off just above her waist. All she can see is Jamie’s arm moving, but that’s more than enough to make her lose what little control she still retains.
Dani’s head rolls back against Jamie’s shoulder, eyes fluttering shut. “Oh, my god,” she whispers. “ Jamie —”
She comes with a shudder and Jamie slowly fucks her through it.
“ Jesus ,” she whispers once she catches her breath. She turns her head to kiss Jamie again.
“God, Dani,” Jamie says, nipping at her earlobe. “I never want to stop touching you.”
She nods, boneless and still panting. “Then don’t. Please.”
Jamie pulls her hand out of Dani’s pants and uses her other hand to turn her. In the quiet afterglow, Dani is certain that they are the only two people in the world. This should probably scare her, but it doesn’t.
There hadn’t been anyone else lingering in the mirror, waiting for her and watching with eyes like flashlights. No one to make the guilt churn steadily in her stomach. No one to make her feel like she doesn’t deserve this .
All she’d seen was Jamie.
Jamie and herself.
Briefly—as Jamie kisses her with more tenderness than either of them has been capable of so far—Dani ponders whether or not this is something she can have. Now that she knows it, she doesn’t think she could live in a world where it isn’t .
Fortunately for her, Jamie has an answer for everything.
“Tell me it isn’t just this,” she whispers, eyes shimmering with innocent longing. “I don’t—I’m not used to this and I...Tell me it’s not just me.”
“It’s not just you,” Dani tells her.
Jamie kisses her again, laughing into it a bit as the tension rolls away—slips out through the gap beneath the door, out and away. The harsh bathroom light paints them pale and yellow. On the wall opposite the sink, their shadows are cast, faint and anemic in the dim light. They are weak at the edges, no end in sight, so maybe they go on forever. Up and up or down or left or right. Stretching and going, spreading them both as far as they can travel; on and on until there is light. Only light.
“I’m sorry if this wasn’t how you...wanted to do things.”
As she says it, Jamie presses a thumb to the dip beside Dani’s lips. Watching the flutter of those eyelashes, the curl of Jamie’s hair, Dani begins lining the words up in her head. It’s too soon for it, she knows that, but love is the first one that comes to mind. She imagines saying it, speaking it into a distance. Wonders whether or not it could scrub clean all those darker shadows lingering at her heels. Considers saying something about never feeling at home with anyone else, never knowing it could be like this, that she could have this. But there’ll be time for past tense later.
Right now, in the present, there are other things to say.
“All I want is you,” she says. “How doesn’t matter as much.”
Those hands on Dani’s hips, her belt still unbuckled. Legs shaky and breath caught. Jamie’s smile tilts magnificently across those pretty lips.
“Yeah,” she says, just as wild and set free, “Me too.”
And for all the things Dani has been terrified to face, the consequences of meeting this one head make her feel braver than she’s ever been.
..
Notes:
i can't write smut without it getting emotional apparently i don't know
Chapter 39: patience (& other virtues)
Notes:
i had a few prompts asking for Dani in lingerie, but this is the specific one I was thinking of as I wrote:
"Could you maybe write one about Jamie being busy starting up the leafling (or something) and Dani feels a little neglected so she buys something sexy to get Jamie’s attention."
ft. Secret Love & a little laughter
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Valentine’s Day, Jamie is learning, is one of the most brutal holidays there is; at least, it is when you own a flower shop. Two years in and it’s a hard lesson. Tiring, even. Exhausting. The orders start pouring in starting about a week out and then it’s practically nonstop until the whole thing is over.
Last year, it felt like they got through it by the skin of their teeth. By the end of it, she and Dani had gotten so good at communicating a lot of information quickly—order sizes, specifics, pickup times—that they’ve almost become mindreaders. At least when it comes to each other.
This became especially useful once they hit wedding season that same year and Jamie only realizes how much she’s come to rely on this anomaly once she’s without it.
This Valentine's Day, Dani is sick and at their apartment resting and Jamie is forced to finish everything up on her own. It could be worse, she thinks, because the timing is at least a little less suffocating than it may have been if she’d had to send Dani home early the day before. The only business she’s really had all day were customers coming by to pick up their orders or last-minute love day stragglers coming in to buy whatever she had left.
It could be worse. Really it could.
By the time she closes things up, the whole shop sort of looks like someone took a large vacuum to it, sucking up just about all the plant life from the displays and walls. It looks sort of like a ghost town. Jamie briefly imagines a tumbleweed rolling by. Locks the door behind herself. Turns her feet towards home.
She worries as she walks, the complex where they live only a few blocks from the shop itself. Wonders if maybe she should stop somewhere and get some soup for Dani or something, and then remembers that it’s Valentine’s Day and decides to avoid going to a restaurant.
She can always come back out and brave the headache later. Right now, she’s mostly focused on getting home to check on her girlfriend.
The apartment is quiet when she steps inside. It isn’t as if she was expecting any different, but it still catches her off guard. Only the lamp by the sofa is clicked on, meaning that the rest of the space is shadowed in darkness. The radiators by the window hum and it’s a little too hot—buildings like this, she’s learned, don’t know the meaning of “happy medium.” They spend the summers fanning themselves like southern church ladies and the winter much the same. Fall is reserved for wearing too many layers as they wait for the building manager to decide to turn on the radiators.
She shrugs off her jacket and hangs it on the coat rack. Keeps her boots on for now even though Dani hates that in case she ends up having to go back out. Heads toward the hallway, toward the bedroom, where she assumes Dani must be resting. Walks slowly to keep the floorboard-squeaking to a minimum.
It isn’t until she passes by the bathroom that she hears it: the music drifting gently from the bedroom. A soft drum beat and a voice singing. She doesn’t immediately recognize the song, too busy wondering why Dani is listening to music while she rests. Gives up on tip-toeing and just hurries the rest of the way.
And then, well—
Hot and stuffy in the apartment from the radiators, sweating a bit in her shirt right at the small of her back, and a shiver still trembles through Jamie’s body when she steps into the bedroom, when she sees what’s waiting for her.
“Hey,” says Dani, perched at the bottom of the bed and smiling in that way Jamie knows she only does when she is very, very nervous.
“I thought you were sick,” says Jamie.
“I know. I’m sorry. I just wanted some time to set all of this up.”
All of this being the record she’s got playing from the stereo in the corner of the room, the candles she has lit on top of the television and on the table next to her side of the bed, and, most importantly, what she’s wearing.
Her makeup, her hair, decked out like every single fantasy Jamie’s ever had and never before let herself consider. Worst of all: she’s wearing lingerie. Purple lingerie. Purple lingerie that hardly leaves anything to the imagination. Jamie swallows so hard it hurts a little.
And she’s seen Dani naked before. Of course, she has. Plenty of times. She’s seen her in nice underwear that matched the bra she had on a handful of times, too. But this is different. Lovely on her or not, those things were still functional as undergarments. And this? This isn’t.
This is see-through lace and long, smooth legs. It’s ruffles and a short-sleeved silk robe that’s hanging off her shoulders just enough to make Jamie’s mouth water.
This isn’t functional. This was designed to cause the exact reaction that it has; this was designed to be taken off.
Dani rolls her shoulders back and flutters her eyelashes in a way that should be silly, but only succeeds in making Jamie’s blood race more thoroughly through her veins. “You’re staring,” she says, playing innocence so well that Jamie almost feels guilty about her inability to tear her eyes away.
Except Dani bought this at some point just for the sole purpose of sitting on their bed looking like that . She did that knowing full well that Jamie wouldn’t be able to keep from eyeing the curves and sways of her, the pale skin and soft lines of her jaw and neck. Wouldn’t be able to want anything more than to press Dani back into their mattress and cover every inch of her, lace and all, with her mouth, her tongue, her hands, and—
“Yeah,” she says. “I am.”
“Something the matter?” asks Dani, so utterly dedicated to this flirtatious act of naivete.
“No, I’m good. Perfect.”
“Are you sure about that?”
“Yep.” Jamie turns to glance at the record player as “All Out of Love” comes on. “Cheery song.”
Dani’s act falters. She blushes. “I didn’t know this was on here. It’s...new.”
Jamie frowns and walks over to the record player, reaching for the unfamiliar album sleeve. “Oh? What is it?”
She feels almost guilty for knocking Dani off her game, but she’s so desperately starved for context, for anything concrete to grasp onto so that she doesn’t just pounce , that she just waits for an answer. As it turns out, she doesn’t need one; the cover speaks for itself.
“Wait,” she says, looking it over. “Is this…?”
“You’re not allowed to laugh,” says Dani, pointing at her sternly.
Jamie smiles. “Not laughing. I just can’t believe you actually bought this.”
“The commercials were very convincing!”
“Did you actually call the place?” is her next question because she can’t imagine her girlfriend calling some commercial-boasted number to buy a four-record album named Secret Love just for this occasion. Jamie usually has to call and make her doctor’s appointments for her.
Dani blinks. “No,” she says. “I sent them a check.”
Jamie grins. Can’t help it. Loves Dani so very much at this moment. “Just one payment of $19.95?” she teases and it works: Dani smiles, too, looking less nervous by the second.
“It’s a good deal, you know,” she says.
“I never said it wasn’t.”
“You had a tone.”
“I did not have a tone.”
“Sure you did.”
Jamie isn’t actually sure how she’s managing to control herself anymore. That silk robe slipping off Dani’s shoulder looks so enticing; she wants to press her mouth to the skin it’s left uncovered. Wants other things, too—so many she can hardly decide where to start.
She sets the album back down and takes a few, slow steps towards her girlfriend. Still too far, but closer. “You went to all this trouble,” she says, “for me?”
Dani’s expression softens and she gets to her feet, moving closer. “Yeah, Jay. I did. We’ve just been...so busy lately, which is great! Don’t get me wrong! But...you’ve had so much on your plate and it’s stressful and I didn’t want us to... not get a Valentine’s Day. You know?”
Jamie isn’t sure what there is to say to that except for: “I love you.”
Another step forward and then Dani is grabbing her hands. “I love you, too,” she says, hypnotizing in this outfit, in this lighting, all the time. Her gaze sticks to the pale skin visible through the lace at Dani’s waist, so distracted that she hardly notices when she’s being turned around and pushed back toward the bed, gently guided by Dani’s hands on her shoulders to sit down on the mattress.
The mattress isn’t very tall, which means that, when Dani sinks to her knees, she’s only really a head shorter than Jamie. Her palms run up Jamie’s trouser-covered thighs, fingers curling around them a bit to guide them open a bit so that she can slide her body between them, get closer. Her body is fever-hot and Jamie has the sudden thought that she may not make it out of this surprise alive.
Dani has a knack for making her feel like she’s two seconds from a heart attack every time they’re intimate already. Now she’s wearing lingerie and looking at Jamie like that and Jamie doesn’t know where to put her hands, or where to settle her eyes.
The swell of Dani’s breasts is enticing, so she looks it over for a bit, and then there’s her freckled collarbones, the sleek and taut muscles of her neck. Her pink lips. Jamie feels hot, sweating in her clothes from the heat of the radiators.
Dani looks up at her, blue and brown eyes bright and eager beneath the flutter of her eyelashes. Normally, Jamie would be filling the air with mindless, nervous chatter, trying to calm herself down before the main event, but it feels different this time. The silence, save for the gentle croon of another sappy love song coming from the record player, seems sacred. She doesn’t want to break it for anything.
She curls her fingers in the ends of Dani’s hair, brushing it behind her shoulders, and then Dani is leaning up and she’s leaning down and they’re kissing. Dani’s hands fist the fabric of Jamie’s shirt right at her hips and Jamie cups her face and cranes her neck, and it’s too fucking hot. They should open a window. But Dani’s kisses are hungry and eager and there’s this knot of pain in Jamie’s chest because of it, so she doesn’t dare break away.
Instead, she lifts one of her hands and curves her fingers around Dani’s breast, pushing her palm against it to make the rough lace fabric brush against her nipple. Feels it poke up against her skin a bit and Dani’s answering moan vibrates her lips, flicking her tongue out to tickle the roof of Jamie’s mouth. Jamie scoots forward on the bed to be closer and lifts her other hand to do the same with Dani’s neglected breast.
“Jamie,” Dani pants as she rips her mouth away, eyes clenched shut, “this is supposed to be about you.”
Jamie smiles. “Trust me,” she says,“it is.”
Dani’s eyes open. “That’s not what I mean.”
“What do you mean, then?”
A long look of consideration. Jamie momentarily stops her movements at Dani’s chest. And then Dani unbuttons her trousers and starts tugging at them, saying, “Get these off. That’s what I mean.”
Jamie takes them off. Her shirt, too. Drops each of them to the floor carelessly, too eager for the next part to worry about where they land. In all the rush, Dani begins to slip the silk robe from her shoulders, but Jamie stops her with a shake of her head.
Says, “Leave it on,” with the sort of breathlessness that makes Dani smile.
She leaves it on.
Jamie brushes her thumb against Dani’s nipple and then trails her fingers up the bony press of her sternum. Cups her jaw and cranes her neck down to kiss her, hot press of lips together and Dani gasping into her mouth.
Wanting to be closer in a way this particular position won’t allow, she breaks away from the kiss and guides Dani up by the shoulders until she is sliding her knees onto the mattress on either side of Jamie’s thighs, straddling her. She rolls her hips down and now Jamie can feel the fabric covering Dani’s body against her own skin. Fears she’ll go mad from desire before she can do anything about it.
It’s cooler in just her underwear, certainly, but that doesn’t mean the friction of their bodies together isn’t creating a fine layer of sweat between them. Their legs slide together and Jamie is so wet, so ready , that it’s beginning to hurt a little.
She kisses Dani’s neck and slides her lips up to the corner of her jaw, to her earlobe. She nibbles a little, then scrapes her teeth down to her neck again. Nips at her pulse point then smoothes it over with her tongue. Dani curses against her hair, breath a hot spread across Jamie’s scalp as she rolls her hips down.
A moment later, her hand is working its way inside Jamie’s panties, fingertips brushing against her clit very lightly and it’s Jamie’s turn to curse.
“Fuck.”
Dani smiles, kisses her forehead. “Doing okay?” she asks, that impersonation of complete chastity back in her voice, in her lips, the way her head tilts flirtatiously as Jamie meets her eyes.
“Doing great,” Jamie manages through gritted teeth. She is fighting back the urge to simply reach between them and push Dani’s hand against her harder. She drops her head and presses her lips against one of Dani’s nipples through the lace, mouthing at it hotly and making Dani sag against her, a little boneless, with a moan.
Payback, she thinks, is definitely a bitch.
She can be one, too.
She grips Dani’s hips in that tight, fierce way that Dani likes—thinks it must be at least a little painful, but maybe that’s why Dani likes it—and rolls up into her hand in a way that pushes the back of it between Dani’s own legs.
“ Jay ,” breathes Dani, and her expression is purposefully seductive, playful even as she is genuinely reacting to Jamie’s movements. She flutters her eyelashes with the best of them and she is the only woman Jamie’s ever been with that can make her go mad just by smiling at her. “Lie back.”
Jamie doesn’t understand the order at first, can’t wrap her head around it because Dani’s fingers are circling her clit now. It isn’t until that hand pulls away and Dani gets back, slowly, to her feet to give her room that she gets it. It feels like every part of her is positively vibrating as she uses her hands to slide back and back. Lowers herself to the mattress all the way and tilts her chin down so she can watch her girlfriend climb up her body in this ridiculously erotic and mind-numbing way.
“God, how are you not naked yet?” she asks, pressing her lips to Jamie’s breastbone, dipping down to tongue at the edge of her bra.
“How are you not fucking me yet?” Jamie returns, just to see Dani’s reaction—the way her cheeks go even pinker, the way she blinks in surprise at her sudden vulgarity.
She swallows thickly. “Patience is a virtue, you know.”
“Not when you look like that it’s not.”
Dani tugs the left cup of Jamie’s bra down and ducks her head to hide the way her expression changes, lips curling around Jamie’s nipple. Jamie can feel her smiling. “Like what?”
“You’re a tease, you know that? You’re such a bloody tease.”
Her mouth moves down to Jamie’s ribcage. “Would you like to lodge a formal complaint?” she asks.
Jamie curls her fingers into her girlfriend’s hair and cranes her neck to get a better look at her in that damned lingerie. “If you don’t touch me soon then yeah, I would.”
She feels the blunt edge of Dani’s teeth below her belly button, scraping down to the waistband of her panties. “Your request has been noted,” says Dani, her voice even and sort of mockingly robotic. “Please allow three to four business for—”
Jamie’s laugh cuts her off, fingers combing through her hair until Dani finally lifts her eyes to look at her again. “Dani, I love you,” she says.
“I love you, too.”
“But you have to do something, or I’m going to—”
“Yeah, yeah.”
Dani catches the edge of Jamie’s panties between her teeth and begins to pull them down like that, laughing around the material as Jamie wiggles and shifts her hips, giggling like a maniac, to try and help. Eventually, hands are required to finish the job. Jamie isn’t actually sure what Dani was thinking.
Goofy, ridiculous Dani. She’s the only woman Jamie’s ever loved, the only woman she’s been able to laugh in bed with, and she went out and bought sexy lingerie, called a number from a commercial to get the proper mood music, sat here on their bed on Valentine’s Day to surprise her.
Jamie doesn’t understand her life, doesn’t understand how she could possibly ever deserve this.
Once her panties are all the way gone and Jamie is naked, save for her bra, Dani’s eyes linger between her legs, a loose smile fixed on those pretty lips. “There you are,” she says.
“There I am,” Jamie exhales, shakily. “Now—”
She should be expecting it, but she isn’t, and so Jamie makes the most embarrassing sound ever when Dani’s tongue first makes contact. An electric shock between her legs, a match being struck, and she arches a little too much off the bed, one of her arms going back so she can comb her fingers through her own hair. Slams her eyes shut to keep from coming almost immediately—this won’t be her only chance, she’s sure of it, but she wants this first one to last —and then has to look , so she opens them back up.
And Dani is always a sight between her legs like this, but she’s on her knees and bent down in a way that makes her breasts hang deliciously, bumping a bit as she licks and curls her lips around Jamie’s clit. Jamie brings her other hand down and brushes her hair out of the way, over her shoulder, so she can see her mouth work.
“Fucking fuck, Dani,” she says, so eloquent with a beautiful woman bobbing between her legs.
Dani hums in response and Jamie can’t help it, groans a little too loudly. That fucking silk robe and the contrast of purple lace to pale skin, blonde hair fisted in her hand, and then Dani brings one of her hands up and slips a finger inside and Jamie feels, very suddenly, like she is splitting apart at every seam that’s ever kept her together.
The sound of Dani fucking her like this is almost obscene. It’s slick and loud, the suction of her mouth audible as she alternates movements against Jamie’s clit. She’s smiling despite how busy her mouth is and then she slips a second finger in, then a third.
It’s so hot , sweat pearling on her chest and forehead. Her hair feels damp at the base of her skull, she feels sort of like she has a fever but everywhere , and fuck —
She nearly bites through her bottom lip as she comes, trying to keep quiet. Her pulse drums like waves on the shore as it whitewashes through her ears, her veins.
Dani pulls back, licking her lips clean sloppily and her eyes are so dark that Jamie feels like she's burning again in moments.
“Come here,” she croaks, propping herself up on her elbows. Hopes that Dani knows what she means.
She must, though, because she doesn’t come up on the side of the bed. Instead, she just straddles Jamie’s waist, giving Jamie a full and uninterrupted view of what she’s wearing again.
“God,” is the next thing she says. Then, “You know how to pick ’em, huh?” as she tugs a bit on the end of the robe.
Dani smiles, somehow shy despite everything else. “You like it then?” she asks, like she has no idea, like she didn’t just fuck Jamie stupid while wearing the sexiest thing to ever exist. “Successful Valentine’s Day?”
Jamie rolls her eyes affectionately. “And the award for Understatement of the Year goes to—”
Dani pushes at her shoulder, giggling. “Hey,” she says. “Give me a break. I stuck out like a sore thumb in the shop I got this from.”
“I doubt that.”
“No, really! Like, three shopgirls came over to help me because I was so lost.” She looks so sincerely flustered by this that Jamie can’t help but be endeared by it. “They kept asking me what my ‘boyfriend’—” and she uses air quotes there, “—likes to see me in. What his favorite color is.”
Jamie laughs. “What did you say?”
“I told them I didn’t have a boyfriend.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah.”
“And what did they say to that?”
“They asked me what my husband likes then.”
Jamie nearly chokes on her tongue from laughing so hard. Almost knocks Dani to the floor, too.
And, yeah, it’s a pretty successful Valentine’s Day.
Notes:
you can watch the "Secret Love" commercial here.
i'm back! and working through some of the prompts i have ideas for in my inbox, but I always crave that sweet interaction.
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