Archive of Our Own ^beta

June 23, 1966

The little girl sat down on the concrete barrier surrounding the fountain. It was a warm day but not hot. Lots of people were in the park enjoying everything from kite flying to picnics. Erin Strauss wasn’t doing any of those things.

Her mother wasn’t far away, chatting with a longtime friend of hers. At seven, Erin really didn’t care much for what adults were talking about. There were surely more interesting things for her to be doing right now. She could have her own conversation.

“Hi.” She said, her tone low but curious. The man didn’t answer back so she moved closer and tapped his arm with her finger. “Hi.”

He turned to look at her, tilting his head to the side.

“Didn’t your mother ever tell you not to talk to strangers?” he asked.

“No.” Erin shook her head.

“How old are you, kid?” he asked.

“Seven.”

“And your mother never told you not to talk to strangers?”

“I'm not allowed to go with anyone who offers me a ride, even if they say they know my mum or dad. I shouldn't take candy from anyone I don’t know since it might be poisoned. Women can be just as scary as men. Sometimes they take kids because they lost their own.”

“Good job.” he nodded.

“Can I have a peanut?” Erin asked.

“You're a rebel.”

“What's a rebel?”

“It means that you do what you want no matter what anyone else says.”

“Yeah,” she smiled. “I am a rebel. Can I have a peanut?”

He held out the bag for her. They weren’t roasted peanuts, they were salted pecans. The kid didn’t seem to know the difference or care at all. He offered her another because he'd never known a child to want one of anything.

“Did you go to a funeral today?”

“What kind of question is that?” he raised an eyebrow.

“You're wearing black.” Erin pointed to his suit. “People wear black to funerals, like when President Kennedy died.”

“They also wear black to work, parties, and because they like the color. I didn’t go to a funeral. Your dress is very pretty.”

“I don’t like it.” She made a face. “When I grow up I'm only gonna wear play clothes. Mummy likes me to dress up when we come outside. She does; see.” The little girl pointed to her mother. “Mummy is one of the 20 best dressed women in Manhattan. I saw it in the New Yorker.”

“Did she win a trophy?” he asked.

“No, but I did. I was fencing and I won a trophy for my age group. It’s almost as tall as I am. I'm gonna win more trophies until I fill my whole room.”

“It’s good to have goals, kid.”

“Can I have another peanut?”

He once again passed his bag. Who was this little girl and why had she decided to sit down next to him? He'd had a long night, came to the park to relax and think. People watching always helped him relax. Young, old, different shapes and shades, human beings were endlessly fascinating. He rarely approached them or vice-versa…observing was best done from a distance. The little girl with the blonde ponytail and the sky blue dress didn’t seem to care about such formalities.

“What’s your name?” he asked.

“I'm Erin; I was named after my dad. His name is Erich and he teaches at Columbia University. He's a professor, it’s a really important job. It’s like a super teacher. He has something called a PhD.”

“A super teacher, huh? I'm impressed.”

“You should be.” Erin said. “What's your name?”

Before he could answer, a beautiful blonde walked over. She barely looked thirty but women still married quite young. Her eyes were the exact same bluish green as the little girl he now knew to be Erin. The woman took the girl’s hand, gently pulling her up from the concrete.

“Sweetie, we can go now. I'm sorry, I know we were supposed to be heading to lunch. No more interruptions, I promise.”

“The man gave me peanuts, Mummy. And he's wearing black but not for a funeral.”

“I thought we had a conversation about taking food from strangers.”

“He's not a bad man…look at his face. He has a nice face.”

The woman looked him and the man in black almost smiled. There was something familiar about his face but Joanna Strauss didn’t think she knew him. In a borough of 1.7 million people, it was surprising how many she knew. It was the smallest big city in the world.

“I hope she didn’t bother you too much, sir.” Joanna said.

“I didn’t, Mummy.” Erin shook her head. “We talked about my fencing trophy.”

“She was just fine.” He said. “A delight, as a matter of fact.”

“See Mummy, I'm a delight.”

“Yes you are.” Joanna smiled and squeezed her daughter’s hand. “Say goodbye Erin, off we go.”

“Bye, Mr. Peanut Man.” She waved. “Have a nice day.”

“You too Erin, enjoy your lunch.”

He watched the two of them walk away, Erin talking to her mother with a child’s typical animation. Her mother seemed pleased just to be in her presence. Over the decades he'd seen all kinds of parents and their children. These two seemed content. There was a lot of love and joy as they headed off to one of the many eateries on the Upper West Side.

Maybe they would be meeting her super teacher father there. Erin would surely keep her parents’ attention telling them about her encounter with the mysterious stranger. This time he really smiled, getting up from the concrete and walking toward the exit of the park. It was beautiful outside, there were people everywhere. He had a feeling he'd already met the most intriguing one of the day.

October 15, 1977

Finally, she had finally made it through the gilded doors. Five Friday nights in a row she stood behind the velvet rope of Lux, one of the hottest discotheques in town, sometimes waiting for hours. It never happened so she and her friends would end up going somewhere else in the city for their fun. Once they even ended up at this insane Brooklyn basement party, dancing to records being scratched by a guy who was getting his electricity from a street lamp outside.

The disco music was blasting and the beautiful people were everywhere. Erin had already spotted a few models she’d seen in magazines. They said famous people hung out here, right out amongst the masses, which made it difficult for just anyone to get in. She and her friends always dressed to the nines and tonight they were finally noticed. They’d been on the damn line so long that her two friends went straight to the bathroom when they got in. It was hard to party when you had to piss like a racehorse.

She stood at the bar in a gold Halston wrap dress that she stole from her mother’s closet. The gold shoes were from the same place. She bopped her head and shook her hips to Chic as she ran her fingers through her shoulder length blonde hair. So far four men came and went, in rapid succession. There would be time to pick which one she would dance the night away with. And since men weren’t allowed back in the Barnard dorms no one at all was getting lucky tonight.

“You're too young to be in here.” A voice said from behind her.

“I have ID.” Erin opened her clutch bag and started feeling for the laminated paper.

“I'm sure you do. It’s probably good, maybe even professionally done, but it’s fake.”

“I don’t know what you're talking about. I'm 18.” Erin turned to look at the man.

He was handsome, taller than she and dressed in all black down to his shiny shoes. His hair was salt and pepper and there was something mischievous about his face. She thought she might know him from somewhere. Was he an actor or someone famous? It wouldn’t be the first time some old guy hit on Erin. That was just another night at the club for a New York party girl.

“How long did you wait outside to get in tonight?”

“Two hours; shortest time we ever have. In a half hour we were going to head over to Wonderland…those bouncers are a bit less like Cerberus.”

“A three headed dog huh?”

“Something like that.” She smiled.

“Can you do me a favor?” he asked as she turned back around in an attempt to end their conversation.

“I don’t even know you.” Erin didn’t turn around when she spoke.

“Let me buy you a drink, any drink you want. I shouldn’t because you're underage but I'm a softie for a Halston dress. After we finish our drinks I want you to get out of here. All that glitters isn’t gold; a lot of the people in here are wolves in sheep’s clothing.”

“I'm good, but thanks. It was nice talking to you but my friends are coming back from the bathroom soon and…”

“Are you trying to find a polite way to tell me to buzz off?” he asked.

“I was,” she nodded. “Yes.”

“Let me buy you a drink, Erin.”

“How do you know my name?” now she was feeling around in her clutch purse for her mace. There was no way she was going to let her first night getting into the hottest club in Manhattan end with her kidnapping or even worse.

“We kind of know each other.”

“That I doubt.” She shook her head.

“Central Park, 1966.” He said. “You charmed me out of at least five pecans.”

Erin looked at him. She tilted her head to the left and really looked at him. It took about five minutes for the memory to come flooding back as if it were yesterday. She’d talked to her mother about that man for months afterwards. It was as if they were old friends, connecting in that simple moment in time.

The memory faded as Erin grew older. She met all kinds of people, some becoming an important part of her life. There were hundreds of random meetings with men in Central Park. Erin didn’t bother committing most to memory.

“No way.” She was skeptical.

“Yeah.” He nodded.

“I never even knew your name. I called you Peanut Man to my mother for months. I remember my parents had a spat about because he was concerned she let me talk to a strange man in Central Park. No, it can't be you. You look exactly the same…I think you look exactly the same.”

“Time has been good to me. It’s been good to you too, Erin. You’ve grown up to be quite beautiful.”

“Thank you.”

“I don’t want anything bad happening to you in here tonight.”

“You can keep me company if you'd like.” She said.

“So the girlfriends in the bathroom line…?”

“I am here with two friends. I was instructed not to move from this spot until they returned. I think the line could be longer than the one outside.”

“I doubt this building is up to code.” He looked around. “If it is, then it’s surely past capacity. This is an inferno waiting to happen.”

“Tell me your name, Mr. Happy Go Lucky.”

“Dave.”

“No, it isn’t.” Erin laughed some. She shook her head again.

“Is there something wrong with Dave?”

“It’s so…it has to be something more exciting than that. Like James or Jack or even Peter.”

“Peter is an exciting name?”

“Yes.”

“My name is David.” He said. “It might not be exciting but I've had it for a while. What are you drinking?”

“I am 18 by the way, no lie.”

“I guess time really does fly. You were seven yesterday.”

“Now you sound like my dad. Oh God, no, you're not allowed to sound like my dad.”

“Sorry about that.” Dave smiled. “What are you doing now? Are you still fencing? Did you win enough trophies to fill your whole room?”

“I told you that I was a fencer?” she asked.

“Yeah. You told me a lot of things.”

“And you just remember all of that, 11 years later? Your power of recall is remarkable.”

“It is for the important things. Don’t ask me what I had for lunch last Wednesday. What are you drinking, Erin?”

“White wine spritzer.”

Dave waved his hand for the bartender. He ordered a white wine spritzer and a glass of cognac. When the drinks came back, he pulled a billfold from his pocket. Dave peeled off a one hundred dollar bill, told the bartender to keep them coming until it was gone. Then he slipped him a twenty.

“Are you trying to impress me?” Erin asked.

“I absolutely am.” He nodded. “Am I being that obvious?”

“You're being facetious.” She smiled.

“Yes. I'm not trying to impress you though I do owe you one. You were quite an impressive little girl.”

“I'm all grown up now.”

“Mmm, not quite.” He said. “I think you're coming along nicely though.”

“Hey!” two young women approached Erin. “We made it back alive. Who's this?”

“Ursula, Rachel, this is an old friend of mine, David.”

“Nice to meet you ladies. Can I get you a drink?”

“Oh I like you already.” Ursula laughed. “I’ll have a Jack and Coke.”

“A whiskey sour sounds good.” Rachel said.

Dave was getting the bartender’s attention again. Ursula gave her friend a funny look before leaning over to whisper.

“I've known you for eight years and I didn’t know you had a friend named David.”

“I haven’t seen him in a really long time.” Erin said. “It’s a long story.”

“Tell me the whole thing when I'm sober.” Ursula said.

“You're sober right now.”

“Not for long, sweetie. That’s a promise.”

The drinks were barely in their hands before the music of Thelma Houston’s Don’t Leave Me This Way began pumping over the speakers. Rachel squealed, bouncing on the balls of her peep toe pumps.

“Oh my God, I love this song!” she exclaimed. She grabbed Ursula’s hand. “Dance with me.”

“Noooo.” Ursula shook her head and laughed. “I do many things well but dancing is not one of them.”

“C'mon,” Rachel pulled her close and gave her Eskimo kisses. “It’s my favorite song, babe.”

“I find it so difficult saying no to you.”

“Then don’t.”

“We’ll be back, Erin.” Ursula was being pulled onto the dance floor. The music was pulsing and sweaty bodies were everywhere. “Don’t move from this spot; we don’t want to lose you. David, look after her.”

“I will.”

Erin smiled, watching as the two girls danced and laughed. There was part of her that wished she had what Ursula and Rachel had though she knew she was too young for love. There was like and there was lust but love was a big distraction. Erin had school and fencing and New York night life; it kept her calendar full. Still, to be in someone’s arms and be the center of their universe…even just for the length of one disco song. She sighed and turned back to Dave.

“Their cuteness sometimes makes me want to puke.” Erin rolled her eyes.

“I find it endearing.”

“Yeah, me too; I'm just pretending that I don’t.”

“I’ll dance with you if you want.” Dave said. “I'm not much of a disco man but perhaps if a slow song comes on. I'm really good at slow dancing.”

“They don’t play slow songs in here.” Erin sipped her white wine spritzer. “I guess I'm out of luck.”

“No, Erin, never that.” He shook his head. “Luck is always a lady. Who's to say it’s not you? I'm going to believe it’s you until someone tells me otherwise.”

“You're a strange man. I think I like you anyway.”

Dave wouldn’t deny that he was strange. She wasn’t the first person to tell him so. He surely wouldn’t deny Erin the opportunity to like him. Running into her was a complete accident but he wanted it to be a happy one. That seven year old girl rarely left his mind. Year after year on his travels he always wondered what she was up to and if she was alright.

Often times Dave saw people in their saddest moments; Erin was a ray of sunshine. His life was dark for a while and he needed that more than anything. He couldn’t stay in New York long, would probably only have tonight. Dave hoped it wouldn’t be another eleven years before he saw her again.

September 22, 1995

“Your hair is all wet.” Dave moved his hand through it, wrapping a blonde tendril around his finger.

“It’s raining outside. You should really come in for coffee.”

“We had coffee with dessert, and it was delicious. Too much of it and you won't get much sleep tonight.”

“I could care less about sleep.” Erin shook her head. She reached for his hand, holding it in both of hers. “Come inside with me.”

“I think a nightcap might be nice.” Dave smiled.

“I have cognac.” She walked backwards a few steps before turning and walking down the hall.

Dave’s hand was still in hers. There was something warm and familiar about it. It was like wrapping up in her favorite sweater or blanket. The familiarity was comforting but there were many things that she still didn’t know about him. One thing was that he didn’t seem to age. Erin had no idea what fountain of youth David Rossi was drinking from but she wouldn’t mind having a sip.

She had no idea that she would see him again tonight. It was half a lifetime ago when she had last. So much life happened in that time, both amazing and devastating. Erin stayed strong. She stood on her own two feet and always held her head high.

Sometimes she cried when she was alone. Sometimes she curled up in Ursula’s arms and just let things go. The best friends were always there for each other. And there were times she thought of David. During the club encounter, her images of meeting him in Central Park were vivid again. At Lux, Erin was able to convince him to dance to some not so slow songs. David wasn’t the best dancer but she enjoyed it.

She kept drinking white wine spritzers, laughing, and enjoying a night on the town. As usual, all three women were approached but declined. Dave tried to keep a healthy distance but couldn’t. Erin felt the same, occasionally reaching back for his hand as the place got more crowded. It was after three in the morning when the four of them stumbled out of the club. Dave was mortified that there were still a few stragglers and hangers on behind the velvet rope.

“C'mon Erin, we’re grabbing a cab.” Ursula said. She was careful as she stepped closer to the curb. She didn’t want to end up on the concrete.

“David is gonna walk me home.” Erin said.

“You're walking back to Morningside Heights?” Rachel asked. “It’s a billion miles away.”

“Not quite,” Erin smiled. “I feel some rain in the air…I need a little cleansing. Plus I know when you two get drunk there will be lots of groping in the back of the cab. Three’s a Crowd.”

“Hey!” Ursula jumped forward and grabbed her best friend’s hand. Just then a cab came up to the curb. “You be careful and do the secret knock when you get back to the dorms. If he tries anything, mace to the eyes, knee to the balls.”

“I got it.” She nodded.

“Maybe I should’ve been out of earshot for that.” Dave said.

“No,” Ursula shook her head. “You were supposed to hear it.”

“Goodnight, Erin. Be careful.” Rachel waved as she climbed into the cab. Ursula gave her best friend a kiss and then she got into the cab as well. Erin watched them drive off down the street just as the light rain started falling.

“Alone at last.” Dave said.

“Seriously?” Erin looked at him.

“Not really. I just wanted to say it because sophisticated men say it in classic films and it always sounds so cool. I didn’t sound that cool, did I?”

“No, sorry.”

“I can walk you to Morningside Heights if you want, or I can give you a ride.”

“I prefer walking. I don’t care how long it takes. You can tell me about yourself as we go.”

“What do you want to know?” he held out his arm, exhaling when Erin slipped hers in his.

“Your last name…to start.”

“Rossi.”

“David Rossi.” She let the name roll around her tongue a bit. “I like it. I mean Peanut Man was intriguing but it’s a nice name.”

“And you're Erin Strauss. Ursula called you by your last name a lot tonight.”

“That’s her thing. I'm Strauss, she's Hearse for Ursula, and Rachel gets to just be Rach. Sometimes when Ursula and I are alone, she calls her Fire Snatch.” Erin laughed, hiccupping a bit from all the wine. “I probably shouldn’t have told you that.”

“Your secret’s safe with me.” Dave said. “So are you, by the way. I'm not a wolf in sheep’s clothing.”

“What are you then, David Rossi?”

“I'm still working that out but I've had some interesting thoughts on the subject.”

“Give me just one.” She said, looking at him as they walked down the street. Neither had an umbrella and the streets of New York could be dangerous. They weren’t far from the club and had already spotted a few shady characters. Erin just stuck close to Dave. She was sure that her mace and knowledge of tae Kwan do would be enough if someone wanted trouble. “Where have you been all these years?”

“I've been writing and did some book tours; talked about my writing on the radio and occasionally TV. I learned two new languages though I'm not sure I'm good at them. I don't know, it’s a big wide world out there, Erin, and I want to do a little bit of everything. Let’s talk about you. Tell me that you're still fencing.”

Erin didn’t often talk about herself. It wasn’t because she had nothing to be proud of. She had trophies, awards, and the amount of money her parents put into her exclusive private education was worth every dime. Erin was brilliant. She was athletic, cultured, well read, well spoken, and had a thirst for knowledge that most of her teachers envied. All she needed was to want it and Erin Strauss could achieve anything…they were all sure of that. She wasn’t sure but planned to institute the ‘fake it till you make it’ approach.

“I have a balcony.” Erin said as they walked down the hall to her condo. “The view from up here is impossible to resist.”

“I’d say the view isn’t the only thing that’s impossible to resist.” He pulled her hand to his lips and kissed it. “You are so beautiful.”

This time is a party. It was a party that Erin didn’t want to attend. She knew an ex-lover would probably be there. There was no way in hell she wanted to run into him. But she was a fan of modern art; Kandinsky was one of her favorite artists.

So she went to her closet, picked out a burgundy silk and jeweled Elie Saab evening gown with a split up the leg. Erin completed the look with these great burgundy heels. Her hair was pulled up, her jewelry perfect; she was ready to go whether she wanted to or not. She was so damn glad she did.

“White wine Spritzer for the lady, please.”

It was his voice that she recognized first; she could hardly believe that she was hearing it. Erin had begun to imagine that he had been a figment of a lonely girl’s imagination. She saw him at 7, 11 years later at 18, but when 29 came there was no sighting. It was better to get it off her mind. The last thing Erin needed was to wait for some guy she didn’t even know who might never come back. Her life was not about to become a Carpenters song.

“I don’t want to turn around.” She said. It was the only thing she could say after all of these years.

“Why not?” he put his hand on her shoulder.

“I waited, you bastard. You were there when I was seven, back when I was 18, but no sign of you when I was 29. You're late…you're 7 years late. It’s been half a lifetime.”

“Turn around, Erin.”

“I shouldn’t even speak to you.”

“That would be unfortunate.” He said.

She reached for the white wine spritzer the bartender placed in front of her. Like many years before, Dave put a $100 bill on the bar and said to let the liquor flow until it was gone. That kind of money didn’t mean the same thing in the 21st century that it did in the Studio 54 era. It was nice to see that his tip had gone up from $20 to $50.

“Where were you?” Erin finally turned around.

Dear God, he still looked the same. The same lines on his face, the same hair, the same mischievous smirk…David Rossi hadn’t changed a bit. How was that even possible? Once again, in black he looked quite handsome. He added a bit of color with a maroon tie and handkerchief. It was actually a nice compliment to what she was wearing. Was that serendipity? Sometimes Erin still wanted to believe in things like that.

“You're more beautiful than I even remember.” Dave couldn’t help but stroke her cheek. “And my memories of you are quite vivid.”

“I don’t have a picture of Dorian Gray in my attic like you seem to.” She said.

“Aging gracefully is always the best way to go.”

“How would you know?” Erin smiled.

“It’s the good Italian genes, I assure you Erin; nothing else. Think about Robert DeNiro or Susan Lucci. We’re just lucky that way I guess.”

“Where have you been?”

“Work kept me away. I didn’t know that you were living in DC now.”

“It’s been a lot of years, David. My life has changed.”

“I want to hear all about it.”

“Do you really think you should be privy to that information? I know absolutely nothing about you. I'm not a little girl anymore so please don’t treat me like one. The truth is that you're little more than a stranger to me.”

Erin was right, she wasn’t a little girl anymore. She was no longer wide eyed, curious, and full of untapped potential. She was 36 years old and though there was nothing wrong with that, life had dealt her some blows. She had birthed two children…been married and divorced. There were nights when she cried and hated herself for it. Other times Erin decided to forget her age and party like the old days.

Work consumed Erin. If she wasn’t working she was being a hands-on mom or trying not to postpone lunch dates with Ursula. She’d given up on thinking about David Rossi years ago. This was real life, not a fantasy. Men didn’t swoop in on white horses and save fair maidens. That was all bullshit. Erin learned that, and accepted it, a long time ago.

“Let’s go somewhere and talk.” Dave reached for her hand. She couldn’t help but hold on once he had. “We’ll go anywhere you want.”

Why was it nearly impossible to resist him? The gravitational pull was something that Erin never felt so strongly in her life. There he was in front of her and 18 years melted away like seconds. He was tall, dark, handsome, and the few times she’d been in his presence he made Erin the center of his universe. But who wanted to open up to man who would be gone with the sunrise and might never return?

Dave pulled her into his arms and kissed her. He wanted to, more than anything, even though he knew he shouldn’t. Erin was a passionate and responsive woman. They stood in the hallway of her condo building just kissing. In the middle of the hallway, up against the wall, pressed into her front door, with one of Erin’s hands fumbling with the lock from behind, and finally inside the foyer.

“We might need to come up for air.” Erin was breathless as she pulled him closer.

“I don’t need air…I just need this.” Dave’s lips trailed across her neck and throat.

“Fuck coffee, huh?” she took his face in her hands and made him look at her.

“Fuck coffee.” He said.

Slipping his arms around Erin’s back, Dave slowly unzipped her dress. He could only gasp when she stepped out of it. Dressed in a black strapless bra and matching silk and lace panties, Erin Strauss was a sight. The black thigh highs and the damp hair only made her more beautiful.

When she kissed him, Dave moaned into her mouth. He could only shiver the first time he touched her bare skin. This wasn’t supposed to be happening but he was powerless to stop it. Wild horses couldn’t have dragged him away from her that night.

“You're wearing too many clothes.” Erin murmured against his mouth as she pushed his tuxedo jacket off his shoulders. It fell to his feet on the black and white rug.

“So are you.” he replied.

She led him by the hand to the bedroom. Erin was usually a sex with the lights off kind of woman, not for any particular reason other than habit. Tonight she reached for the lamp on the nightstand before they made their way to the bed. Dave’s body on top of hers, the weight of him between her thighs, made Erin arch her back. She undressed him rather quickly but made sure not to mangle his clothing. No one wanted to do the walk of shame in a shirt that didn’t button properly.

Dave kicked his shoes off and shook his pants off his ankles. He exhaled as Erin pushed his dress shirt off his shoulders before lifting his tee shirt over his head. Left in just his boxers, he got rid of those too…where he was headed they were completely unnecessary. They ended up on the floor along with Erin’s bra and panties just minutes later.

“Leave the stockings Erin; I definitely need you to leave the heels.”

“You're a stiletto man,” she kissed him. “Why am I not surprised?”

“Do you have rubbers?” Dave asked. He hated that word but knew how important the question was. It wasn’t going to take away one bit of their lust for each other.

Erin pointed to the nightstand beside the bed. The conversation was over after that. There wasn’t much else to talk about. She rolled them on the mattress; wanted to be on top. Dave didn’t mind one bit. He loved her hands and loved her mouth. He wanted to return the favor tenfold. The way she moaned made him crazy. The way she rode him like a thoroughbred made him cry out her name.

Erin came twice; with his mouth and his cock. By the time they were spooning under the blankets she was sure she was going to die. She was literally going to be fucked to death and it was such a magnificent way to go. He was a strong lover; long, thick, and full of vigor. Dave pulled her hair, bit her shoulder, and groaned her name when he came for the last time.

“Oh fuck.” Dave pulled away from her, rolling over on his back. He cleaned himself up and watched Erin stiffen and then relax. He ran his finger down the length of her spine.

“I don’t think I can move.” She whispered. “I don’t think I want to.”

“It’s alright, baby, I’ll come to you.”

After ten minutes or more, neither of them had moved. Erin just started to laugh. She managed to get on her back, reaching out and taking his hand. When their fingers laced she was sure the world stopped turning. Thunder rumbled across the sky, sounding more glorious than ominous. Who was this man and how could he do this to her half a lifetime after their last encounter?

So many things had happened in Erin’s life, good and bad. David Rossi was little more than a distant memory. He was a good memory, but still just two days in her life. Two ordinary days and now one amazing night.

“If you hit and run, I will never forgive you.” Erin said.

“Hit and…?”

“Don’t pretend you don’t know what I mean. You're better than that.”

“Hand to God,” Dave held up his hand. “I don’t know what you mean.”

“You can't have sex with me and just walk out. I haven’t seen you in 18 years, David.”

“I wanted to see you.” he took her into his arms. It looked as if there were tears in her eyes and that broke his heart. “I thought of you a million, probably a billion times. I made plans to try to get to New York on something that wasn’t work related but it was just never the right time. Now I find out you haven’t been in New York for nearly 15 years. Life just kept me away.”

“It doesn’t have to do that anymore.” Erin shook her head. “Does it?”

“My job is demanding.”

“You cannot just be a writer.” She smirked. “Look, if you can't tell me because you took some blood oath or you don’t want to put my life at risk, fine. But cut the bullshit, Rossi, you're so not a writer.”

“I am.” He kissed her. “I write, lecture, tour, I even grow dinner plate dahlias in a little garden. My life is scheduled beyond capacity.”

“Slow it down then. You're not going to live forever.”

“I’ll be in town for two weeks, Erin. DC is a bit of a home base for me right now. I would be content to spend every moment with you but there are a few things that must be done. After that…I can't make any promises.”

“And I can't wait by the window.”

She hadn’t been doing that for 18 years. Dave surely wasn’t upset that her life went on, it pleased him. She was brilliant and successful; kicking ass and taking names. She had children and was raising them to be wonderful and curious just like she was. He didn’t want another two decades going by without seeing her. Dave hoped she knew how difficult that was for him. He wanted to be more in her life than faded memories of random days.

“I'm not a little girl anymore. You can tell me anything; I can handle it. I've handled a lot over the years.”

“I can tell you anything?” he asked.

“Yes.”

“I love you.”

“David…”

“We have this,” he put his finger on her lips. “We have this moment; right now. It’s beautiful to make promises but how often are they kept? Just be in this moment with me. I swear you won't regret it.”

“Don’t you fuckin break my heart.” Erin hated saying it.

She didn’t even know what her heart had to do with this. Dave wouldn’t be her first one night stand. Men had come and gone, as they tended to do. She was mature and could handle sexual situations. This was more than that but Erin didn’t know how or why.

When he touched her hand or kissed her lips, something happened. Erin didn’t like not being able to put her finger on things and solve puzzles. David Rossi wasn’t a just a puzzle. He was a mystery wrapped in an enigma and stuffed into a fortune cookie. How would she even stop trying to figure out what the hell was happening long enough to just let it?

February 23, 2004

She’d changed three times but wasn’t going to again. The red dress was perfect. It showed strength and power while still being feminine and a little sexy. Erin had no intention of hiding the fact that she was a woman. She’d worked her ass for so long and this job was the pay off.

Stepping into her mid-forties, Erin Strauss had made it. There were still higher mountains to ascend but she was content checking out the view from the peak where she now stood. She could nearly see the whole city from her condo. Right now she needed to focus on the mirror. Erin would wear her hair down for the first day but assess to see if the power pull up was more appropriate.

Now she just needed to pick her jewelry. It would definitely be silver or white gold today; yellow gold caught the reflection of studio lighting. One wrong flick of the wrist and someone was blind. How was she going to explain that to some boom grip’s family? There was no clauses in the ridiculous station insurance to cover blindness from hot studio lights exacerbated by gold bracelets.

She exhaled when she felt the strong arms enveloped her. Erin leaned into his embrace, even though that was typically a bad idea. Dave had a tendency to pull her back to bed. There were plenty of staff and newsroom meetings that Erin was late for over the past month. But he was back and they both knew this was the honeymoon stage.

One of the best and worst things about their relationship was that it was always in the honeymoon stage. He hardly stuck around long enough for the bliss to wear off. So far on this trip, she and Dave had been together for six weeks. He was able to meet her daughter and son, 16 year old Nora and 13 year old Edward. He made her dinners and massaged her shoulders.

They both opened up about their lives, though Erin was sure that he held plenty of things back. Being close to Dave was wonderful for her but the longer he was there, the more she felt as if she didn’t know him at all. Yellow flags went off in her head sometimes; she spent nights lying awake thinking about it. Her curiosity was going to eventually get the better of her. How could you let someone so deep into your heart and soul when your touch barely scratched the surface of their skin?

“I remember I knew a little girl once.” Dave brushed aside her blonde hair and kissed the nape of her neck. “She said when she grew up that she would always wear play clothes.”

“I'm not a grownup, David Rossi, I just play one on TV.”

“You look amazing.” He smiled. “You're going to knock em dead, kiddo.”

“I can't figure out what jewelry to wear.” Erin said. “I don’t want to go too casual but definitely don’t want to look like I'm having dinner at Buckingham Palace. I need something in between.”

“I have the perfect thing. Close your eyes.”

“No.” she shook her head.

“No?”

“I don’t like surprises.”

“This is a good one, I promise. C'mon, close your eyes Erin.”

She sighed but did as he asked. Dave put the necklace on, struggling a bit with the clasp as he did.

“Do you need some help back there?” Erin asked suppressing a laugh.

“I got it, I think…it’s good. You can open your eyes now.”

Erin looked at the necklace in the mirror. It was white gold with a cursive E pendant made of diamonds. This was exactly what she was looking for, which didn’t surprise her in the least. He seemed to have a second sense when it came to Erin’s wants and needs. Her wide smile became a bit more solemn when she turned in his arms.

“You're leaving, aren't you?”

“Erin…”

“Don’t say we don’t have to talk about it right now. I think we do.”

“On your special day? You want to talk about my leaving on your special day?”

“I can't keep doing this, David. You come, you go, you're here, and you're not here. I get dizzy from all the changes; ‘96, ‘98, ‘01, ‘03, ‘04”

“I wish more than anything that I could be with you all the time. My work is essential to who I am. I've sacrificed so much already just to be with you when I can. This isn’t easy for me either.”

“We could part as friends.” She nodded though it broke her heart. “I will never stop caring about you. But I need to make sure I don’t let my life pass by waiting for the next time I can get a day or a month of your attention.”

“Leaving you is the hardest thing I ever have to do, every time.” He kissed her nose. “I love you.”

“There are cell phones and emails…we’re never far apart. I try to understand with what little information I have. You have to try to understand where I'm coming from.”

He did understand, but he didn’t have to like it. None of this was planned; Erin Strauss had never been on his radar. She initiated their first meeting when she was just seven years old. Dave would’ve never known her otherwise. This wasn’t her fault in any way, she had no idea what she was doing at the time.

And when she was 18 he should’ve never approached her in that disco. Maybe this was entirely his fault. But Dave was there and couldn’t look the other way as the buzzards circled. Erin was special, he would look after her; surely it wouldn’t take him too much off course. Never had he been so wrong about something in his long life.

“I want you to do good today.” He said. “I've got a three thirty flight out of Dulles to Bratislava but I'm going to find a way to watch.”

“When am I going to see you again?” Erin asked.

“Soon…I promise.”

“We do not make promises we can't keep. That’s against the rules.”

“All of this is against the rules.” Dave said. “I'm doing it anyway.”

“You're married.” Erin’s blue-green eyes widened as she stepped out of his arms. Dave was dressed in a towel, fresh from the shower. His body had changed slightly since the last time they were together but not by much. His hair was a little more silver now but his face practically the same as when she was seven years old. Italian good genes could only go so far.

Her math might be slightly off but Erin figured he had to be 90 years old by now. A million questions filled her mind that she never quite knew how to ask. Some journalist she was. “That’s it, isn’t it? Oh my God, all these years and I couldn’t put my finger on it. Somewhere in this country, in this world, you’ve got a wife waiting home for you. And I'm your vacation away from it all.”

“I'm not married. I've been married, but I'm not married.”

“Were you married at any time when we were together?” she asked.

“No.” he shook his head.

“I can't do this. You know I thought I could because I love you. I don’t even know why I love you but I do. I just can't, David. I spend more time lately wondering who you are and what the hell this is. It’s starting to eat me up inside.

“Go, OK. Go and live your life and let me live mine. I'm not saying I never want to see you again but I can't be yours just once in a while. I refuse to let you be mine. If you really love someone, you know when to let go. It doesn’t matter if it feels like someone is ripping your soul from your chest.”

There wasn’t a lot more they could say to each other. Dave stood in the middle of the floor in his towel while Erin went about getting ready for her day. She couldn’t let the personal stuff shake her; this was a really big moment. The truth was that her life was evolving and things with Dave always seemed to stay the same.

There was no way she could move forward in the world if she kept holding on to him. It hurt, Erin wasn’t sure her heart ever hurt so much in her life, but there was no other choice. She knew he wouldn’t be there when she got back. It wouldn’t be the first time but it would probably be the last.

“I love you; be safe.” Erin caressed his face and kissed his cheek. “Goodbye, David.”

“Goodbye.” He held her hand a little longer than he wanted her to but finally let it go.

Dave didn’t watch her walk out, he needed to get dressed and go. It was really over. Was it over? It was most likely over. She was right…she deserved better. Erin deserved a man’s undivided attention.

Dave could give her unconditional love but only when he was around. That wasn’t very much and they both knew it. It was also getting more and more difficult not to open himself completely to her. Erin was such a breath of fresh air. She loved and accepted him, even his evasiveness about certain aspects of his life. For Dave that was something he hadn’t really had anywhere else.

He was skirting and looping through so many rules with this relationship, to bear it all would have dire consequences for them both. The idea that she might think bad about him was enough to drive him mad. He was one of the good guys and she was an amazing woman. One day, Dave decided that one day he was going to sit down and tell her everything. Consequences be damned. It would just have to be a time when what happened next wouldn’t shatter the both of them.

July 14, 2008

“I'm alright. I'm…” Erin heaved more of the contents of her nearly empty stomach into the toilet bowl. “Oh God, fuck this. Fuck all of this straight to hell.”

“You're not alright.” Dave rubbed her shoulder and back. “But you will be. Just stay down until you feel better.”

“I'm never going to feel better.” She moaned. “I'm just going to die on this bathroom floor. Fuck cancer.”

“Fuck it straight to hell.” It was all he knew to say. Erin was sick and it was going to take some time to get the poison out of her system. He just rubbed her back, kissing the top of her bald head. The cancer treatment was quite aggressive but that was to make her well again.

All the doctors told her that it would be worse before it got better. The cancer was stage 2, Erin went her doctor as soon as she felt the lump. She knew something was wrong and had no idea if she would survive or not. While the doctors were able to put some of her fears to rest with a successful mastectomy, there was still a long way to go.

Erin needed help off the floor and Dave was there to give it to her. He gave her a glass of water to rinse out her mouth. She had been the one to call him, two months ago before the surgery. Never had she fought so hard against making a phone call. She wasn’t alone; her children, mother, and good friends were all around her. Erin appreciated that more than words could ever express. One thing was missing though.

“I brought you a popsicle.” Dave said as they walked out of the master bedroom and back to her room.

The vomiting was typical after her chemo sessions. This was her fifth of eight; he’d been there for every single one. Dave had even made a quick work trip to Montreal and was then back for session #4. He curled up and slept in the waiting room of Memorial Sloan Kettering for her 90 minute treatment. The nurses were used to him so he wasn’t bothered. Nothing was going to stop his being there for Erin. Once she asked for him, he came.

“I might be able to keep it down.”

He helped her back into the sweatshirt Erin ripped off before she began to vomit. Summer in New York was in full swing and it was her favorite time of the year. Right now she had the chills. It was so hard to get warm even though the temperature outside was above 90. Right after the diagnosis at George Washington University Hospital, Erin went home.

She was staying in her mother’s condo in Central Park West not far from where she was born and grew up. It was just a few blocks from where she met David Rossi for the first time. He was here with her, holding her in his arms as she tried to focus on something other than the sickness. That wasn’t easy.

It had been over four years since she sent him away. Erin needed to move on with her life and she had. She was the host of In the Round, the #1 political news show on cable. She’d interviewed Presidents, dignitaries, and activists. She championed women’s rights on an international level. Erin Strauss became a household name. Some even asked her to run for political office, though she had never disclosed which party she was affiliated with.

She raised her children, Nora now attending Barnard and Ted a student at Georgetown Day. They were her ultimate pride and joy. All the accolades were wonderful but being a good mother to her children while still finding success in her profession made Erin the most proud. She went on dates, she had lovers, and even a boyfriend for 18 months. Life went on even if Dave was never far from her mind. Then she found the lump and the entire world changed.

“Cherry is my favorite.” She was lying on her back, propped up with a ridiculous amount of pillows. The cold Popsicle felt good; it was like eating and drinking at the same time. Erin was so repulsed by everything that the doctors, her mother, and Dave monitored her hydration daily. What went down usually came back up even if it was something as simple as water.

“I knew that.” He nodded.

“You know too much about me.”

“If I do, it’s only because you told me.”

“Don’t confuse me with your reasonableness, David.” Erin pointed at him.

Dave laughed, stroking her face. Then he leaned over and kissed her cheek.

“I must look horrible.” She murmured.

“You look alive, and that’s all that matters to me.”

“Tell me where you’ve been these past four years. I'm sorry we haven’t had much chance to talk.”

“There were more important things going on.” Dave said. “I'm not here for you to play hostess.”

“I'm a captive audience. Talk to me, David.”

“I've written two books and taught seminars at University of Toronto for two years. I did some analyst work with a friend of mine, Jason Gideon, in ‘07...that was interesting. I learned how to ice skate.”

“Why?” Erin asked.

“You're never too old to learn new things. My lesson was that ice skating is quite difficult.”

“How old are you anyway? I'm starting to think I'm getting older than you. It could just be that I look in the mirror these days and see a shell of my former self.”

“I'm still older than you.” he replied.

“David, tell me how old you are.”

“Technically…sixty.”

“No you're not.” She laughed some.

“I am! Woman, you ask me to tell you and then you don’t believe me.”

“What do you mean by technically?”

“The Oxford English Dictionary defines it as according to the exact meaning; properly, strictly.”

“I hate you.”

“I love you.” he kissed her cheek.

“Those Italian genes are doing a mighty fine job.”

“Your genes aren't doing so badly either…you're as beautiful as the day I met you.”

“I was seven.” Erin looked at him.

“I mean the time after that.”

“Oh God, the night we finally got into Lux. Do you know how many nights we waited on that line and just ended up at another club?”

“1977 in Manhattan was a really interesting time.” Dave said.

“It definitely was, and I enjoyed nearly every moment of it. I was going to seduce you that night.”

“What?”

“I was going to seduce you. I wanted to but you kind of ruined it by kissing my forehead and walking away.”

“You weren’t old enough.” He said.

“Well you didn’t have to wait eighteen years to come back. You missed me at the height of my sexiness.”

“No I didn’t.” Dave shook his head.

“I was hot at 18, David.”

“Yes, you were. But you’ve only gotten better.”

“I'm old now.” Erin sighed. She was down to the end of her Popsicle. “I'm old, tired, and sick. This isn’t a good look for me.”

“Your prognosis is good…all the doctors said as much.”

“The recovery is going to be more than just physical.”

“I know.” Dave leaned his head on her shoulder. He put his arm around her. “If I could banish the cancer from you, you know I would baby.”

“They say what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.” Erin said. “I guess that’s only after you’ve lost your hair, too much weight, and puked out your innards.”

“The weed that Ursula bought is still in the nightstand drawer, and I know her so it has to be the good stuff. You’ve been awesome and brave but there's nothing wrong with smoking it. It has the double ability to calm your sickness and give you an appetite.”

“Food has never sounded so disgusting and delightful at the same time.”

“If you could eat anything right now, any damn thing you want, what would it be?” Dave asked.

“Anything?”

“Go wild.”

“I know this is going to sound silly but it would be a gigantic bowl of Frosted Cheerios. Ted got me hooked on them. It’s healthy because it’s Cheerios but it’s also sweet and delicious. I feel like I haven’t had any in a lifetime.”

“We can make it happen.” he nodded his head toward the nightstand behind him. “No pressure.”

“I’ll think about it.” Erin handed him the Popsicle stick as she bit back a yawn. “I need some rest. I'm beat.”

“You sleep,” Dave kissed her forehead. “I'm going to take a walk but I should be back when you wake up.”

“Is Mum here?”

“Yeah. I’ll let her know that I'm leaving.”

He got out of the bed as she closed her eyes. Having been in the hospital for nearly two weeks after her mastectomy and reconstructive surgery, Erin was used to sleeping on her back. The Popsicle had actually helped the waves of nausea go away. She and Dave had been eating them in abundance since her first chemo session. Every time she had one, he did; it was his way of showing solidarity. And even though she never let him go into what she called ‘that room’ with her, when Erin came out he was always there.

“Come back soon.” She whispered as sleep pulled her tired body in.

“I absolutely will…and I'm bringing some Cheerios with me.”

Erin smiled, giving him a little wave. Dave stood in the doorway and watched her fall asleep. It was as if he didn’t want her to see him go. She’d had to watch that so many times, never knowing that it broke his heart just as much as it broke hers.

This time away from work was hardly authorized. Dave knew he could get called away at any time. He wasn’t always one to follow the rules though. Erin came first and even if it wasn’t accepted it was still the truth. When he was sure she was on her way to dreams, Dave blew her a kiss and walked out.

June 7, 2011

Erin looked up from the article she was reading on the phone when she heard her name. The coffee shop was crowded but her order was finally up. She made her way from the window seat she was sitting on back up to the counter.

“Grande caramel latte, extra caramel.” The barista handed her the cup.

“Thanks, have a good one.”

She slipped her cell phone into the pocket of her pink cropped pants and walked out into the sunshine. The weather was beautiful, lots of people were out and about. The tables were filled with people chatting, enjoying the weather, and using the free Wi-Fi.

A kid went flying by on a bike singing a song Erin didn’t recognize. Then more kids came by on skateboards and roller skates. It made her smile; she remembered those carefree days. Erin was in the process of getting it all back.

“Excuse me? Erin?”

“Yes? Oh my God, hi.”

Erin did her best not to drop the hot coffee on the ground as she rushed to him. Dave opened his arms for her. The hug was long; she hardly wanted to let him go. As they came apart, Erin smiled.

“What are you doing here?” she asked.

“A little bit of work, a little bit of play.” Dave replied. “Can you sit…do you have time?”

“Yeah, yeah, I do.” Erin nodded and walked a few feet over to the table with Dave. He sat back down in front of his laptop as she sat across from him. He closed the computer so not to obstruct his view. “I can't believe you're here.”

“My publisher has a house here in Sagaponack…Truman Capote owned it in the 60s. Or so the story goes. What about you, what are you doing here?”

“My friend Elizabeth won the house in her divorce 15 years ago. She spends summers here when she’s not working overseas so she invited a bunch of us down to relax.”

“How long have you and Elizabeth been friends?” Dave asked. The name wasn’t familiar to him. While he wouldn’t pretend to know everything about Erin Strauss, he had been part of her life for quite some time.

“We lived in a Georgetown townhouse together during grad school so that’s a lot of years. I was glad to get away for a while; work has been keeping me so busy.”

“I watch you on TV all the time. There's a rumor circulating that you're going to be interviewing President Putin.”

“No comment.” Erin shook her head.

She still hosted In the Round, which she now had a co-host to make it even more like Survivor. Erin didn’t like the course the show had taken and would be doing her best to exit at the end of the year. She had another show on as well, called Right Now with Erin Strauss. That show was her baby. It focused on current events, politics, and law. There were more dignitaries, writers, activists, and social scientists to interview. Once a week she did a feel good story called Everyday People.

It highlighted amazing people, and their causes or stories, all over the world. In addition to hosting, Erin was also an executive producer and fought hard to make sure things ran how she wanted and needed them to. She was an important woman in DC and New York circles…she was important overseas. Nailing an interview with Erin Strauss meant you were important or someone was about to be.

“God, you look so amazing.” Dave smiled as he put his chin in the palm of his hand. “How are you feeling? I mean medically.”

“I know what you mean. I feel really good and I'm cancer free. Did I ever thank you for…?”

“You don’t have to thank me for anything. I probably could’ve done more. I would’ve done anything you needed. The world is a better place with you in it.”

“Thanks.” Erin smiled. “Hey, I um, I found one of your books in the bookstore a few months back. It’s crazy that I never thought about buying your books before but I rushed to the register with it.

“David, it was amazing. I didn’t even know that you wrote novels. I actually meant to go back to buy everything with your name on it. Then life took over again. I barely have time to read a magazine.”

“I can give you any book you want. I’ll even autograph them for you so they’ll be worth more.”

“Hey, they're priceless Mister.” She poked him.

“I didn’t want to seem like a snob.”

“That’s never stopped you before.” Erin shook her head.

“Ouch.” Rossi put his hand over his heart.

“I thought it presumptive to think Blythe Dresden might be me.”

“It is.” He nodded.

“It’s presumptive, or…?”

“It’s presumptive.” He laughed. “Have dinner with me tonight and I’ll tell you every inspiration I've ever had.”

“I'm not sure if I can.” Erin said.

She wanted to; she wanted to say yes before the words came out of his mouth. That’s what held her back. Despite not knowing how or why, Erin loved Dave. As usual, much time had gone by since she’d last seen him.

She had no doubt that they could fill hours with conversation. The last time she saw him, he was holding her hand in the oncologist’s office when Erin found out her cancer was in remission. Her family had a big dinner celebration. With most of her appetite back one month after chemo ended, Erin was able to enjoy most of it.

Then she and Dave retired to her bedroom for classic films and ice cream. It was a wonderful night but by the next afternoon he was gone. His work beckoned...she knew that he was a busy man. Three years later, with how busy her life had become, Erin didn’t know if it was a good idea to fall into the Rossi abyss again.

“I understand.” He said. “You came to have a good time with your friends, not rekindle old flames.”

“Something like that.”

“How long will you be in town?” Dave asked.

“For the next week or so. Ursula doesn’t have any summer classes until after Independence Day so she and Rachel are going to stay with Elizabeth until July.”

“Ursula and Rachel are still together?” he smiled when he asked. “They’ve been together since The Bee Gees played on the radio.”

“True love; it’s been known to work for some people.” Erin replied. She looked at her watch as she drank her coffee. “Oh wow, wow, I should’ve been back nearly an hour ago. I need to go.”

“If you change your mind about dinner, we can drive to The 1770 House. It’s the best restaurant in The Hamptons.”

“How many women have you impressed by taking there?” she asked.

“There's just you, Erin. Call me if you'd like to go. My number hasn’t changed.”

She nodded, picked up her coffee cup and started down the street. He watched her go. Usually he would do anything not to, but this time he did. She looked like a breath of fresh air in her pink pants and her white tank top. Her golden blonde hair, the last time he saw Erin she was bald, was pulled back in a ponytail.

She was wearing her glasses today; rectangle lenses with thick black rims. Dave didn’t think he’d ever seen her in glasses outside before. Erin had contact lenses and rarely even shared with people that she was far sighted. He hoped that was just her being casual, not a sign of something being wrong. The ringing of his cell phone pulled him out of his thoughts and his staring.

“This is Rossi.”

“OK.”

“Erin?”

“I’d like to have dinner with you. The 1770 House sounds great.”

“Tonight?” he asked.

“No. How about Friday night? I did come down here to enjoy time with my friends, I don’t want to run out on them. I need this quiet time.”

“I try to be quiet…I'm not that good at it.”

“I know. I’ll call you on Friday afternoon.”

“I'm looking forward to it.”

“Goodbye, David.”

He hung up the phone when he realized she had. When he looked up again, Dave couldn’t see her walking down the street anymore. That meant she was staying down one of the tree-lined streets not close to the beach. Of course in Sagaponack everything was just a lovely walk away. Beaches, coffee shops, boutiques; they even had a hot springs.

Dave was told that he had to try it before he left town. The original plan was to head back to DC this weekend for just a bit of rest. His job always got busy during that time of the year. It looked as if he was going to have to make just a little change to his plans. Nothing that would take him too far off course but something he wouldn’t give up just the same if it had.

One usually needed reservations to get into The 1770 House. Dave picked up his cell phone, scanning through the contacts to see who owed him a favor. There were plenty who did but this would be a big one. Losing a large marker was a tougher decision to make than giving up a small one. Erin was worth it but he'd still take his time making the choice.

“Something is wrong.”

Erin pretended she wasn’t startled when Elizabeth Prentiss walked into the kitchen of her Sagaponack house. The house had been quiet; Erin thought she was alone.

“It’s one in the morning,” Elizabeth went on. “You're smoking a cigarette and drinking tea. Do you want to talk about it?”

“I blame this on you.” Erin held up the box of Marlboro Milds. “I haven’t had one since Bush the Second left office. I found them in your secret stash drawer.”

“It’s called a secret stash drawer for a reason, darling. Is there enough water in the kettle for me?”

“Yeah,” Erin nodded. “And it’s still hot.”

Elizabeth took the chamomile tea from the cabinet and poured herself a cup. After joining her friend at the table, Erin pushed the ashtray into the middle. She also handed over the cigarettes.

“What's the matter?” Elizabeth asked.

“Nothing.” Erin shook her head.

“How long have we known each other?”

“Oh God, half my life now.”

“Don’t say it like that.” Elizabeth slapped Erin’s hand. “It hasn’t been the world’s heaviest burden. C'mon, talk to me.”

“I saw David Rossi. Here I am in The Hamptons and I run into David. It doesn’t make sense.”

“Are you serious?”

“I was coming out of this adorable little coffee shop. He was sitting outside on his laptop.”

“Wait, you saw him this afternoon? You told us that you decided to take a walk and lost track of time.”

“I lied.” Erin said.

“You don’t need to do that. Does he make you do that?”

“I don’t understand the question.”

“Erin, you're a very smart woman.” Elizabeth said. “You understand the question.”

“I just don’t want to be judged.” Erin sighed and took a long inhale from her cigarette. She didn’t believe her true friends were like that. Erin had spent so many years guarding herself that it was second nature. “Here comes this guy; in my life then out of my life. I try to fight it but I can't resist the pull of him.”

“So.”

“So?”

“Yes, I said so.” Elizabeth said. “We’re not young women anymore; we’re seasoned. We've raised families and done great things in the world. If we want to let a man, a woman, or anyone make us giddy again there is nothing wrong with that. There's no point in denying that you have feelings for him.”

“I've never really tried to.” Erin shook her head. “He can see right through me anyway. Sometimes I can see right through him.”

“I have watched you reject men with precision and vigor. You have turned it into an art form. Whatever you have with him is bigger than that.”

“I've spent so many years trying to figure out why.”

“Have you two ever talked about it?” Elizabeth asked.

“Not entirely.”

“Maybe you should. What's the harm in it? Don’t you think you deserve to know?”

Erin wanted to but had no idea what to say. What did you say to someone you'd known since you were a little girl but didn’t really know at all? Dave awakened something in her. The problem was that he never stayed around long enough to let it blossom. The longest they'd been together was three months.

Erin put an end to it because she knew he would eventually leave…he always did. The longer she waited, the more it would hurt. She never wanted to hate him. He was a joyful piece of her heart for whatever reason. Erin wouldn’t let anything ruin that, even the two of them.

“He asked me to dinner and I said yes.”

“Good start.” Elizabeth smiled. “Make sure to have an extra helping of dessert.”

“You're bad.” Erin laughed. “Doctor Tom has brought out another side of you.”

“I am still the same woman. I'm just having a lot more orgasms now than I used to.” Elizabeth lowered her voice. “We had Skype sex tonight.”

“OK, OK, I'm done talking to you.” she covered her mouth to keep in the raucous laughter. “You are awful.”

“I am in bliss. You could be too.”

“Liddy, your relationship with Tom is about more than sex. Isn’t it?”

“Of course it is…now. In the beginning though, well I was so worried about the age thing that I beat him away for six months. When I finally succumbed, and we went to bed together, oh my God.”

“Let’s not and say we did,” Erin held up her hand. “Alright?”

“All I'm saying is that you are such a wonderful woman and if Dave Rossi lights that spark in you then go for it.”

“I want more. I want more from him and I deserve it.”

“So tell him.” Elizabeth crushed out her cigarette and finished her tea. “It’s a small world so you could run into him a few more times in this life. But if he can't give you all you need, you're going to have to let go too. It’s never going to work if the letting go is one sided or has no sides at all.”

“How lucky am I that one of my closest friends is a diplomat?”

Smiling, the former Ambassador went around the table and squeezed Erin’s shoulder. She told her friend to get some sleep. They were all there to have fun and get the worries of Washington off their minds. If this man was going to keep her up at night, and not in a good way, then maybe this was a chance for Erin to have closure. Whatever it was wouldn’t solve itself by her staying up all night and worrying.

“Thanks.” Erin smiled as she watched Elizabeth leave the kitchen.

She was right, it was time for Erin and Dave to have a serious talk. They'd had many of them in the past but Erin wasn’t going to let go this time. He was more than a writer, she knew it, and she wanted answers. Ursula always joked that he was an international hit man for the mafia. They would share a good laugh about it but thinking of it now made Erin’s stomach drop. It wasn’t just the mystery behind his occupation, it was the mystery of the man himself.

His lack of aging, even with the mostly silver hair now, was something that drove Erin crazy. He rarely talked about his family, his childhood, or anything other than the here and now…whichever here and now they were in at the moment. She had to know about him. Even if this was the last time, as every time before it had been, Erin needed to know. Four and a half decades passed since their first meeting in Central Park. She would listen to every word but first had to get Dave to talk.

“You really look beautiful.” Dave sipped his scotch.

“I had to borrow this from Elizabeth’s closet.” Erin looked down at the black cocktail dress. “I didn’t plan on having any reason to dress up on this trip.”

“I’ll take the blame 100% for that.”

“Yes, you will.” She smiled. “I need to talk to you about something important, David.”

“Is it your health?” he asked. “Are you alright?”

“I'm fine; I appreciate the concern. The cancer is in remission and my bloodwork has been excellent. What I need to talk to you about isn’t me. It’s you.”

“Oh.”

“I think we ran into each other here for a reason.” Erin said. “It’s been 45 years this month since that first meeting in Central Park.”

“No it hasn’t.” Dave shook his head.

“It has, honestly. And here you sit, barely looking a day older. I've tried to talk myself out of asking too many questions for years. I'm not going to do that anymore. You're going to tell me who you really are or I will kill you.”

“Holy hell,” he laughed some. “I didn’t expect to hear that.”

“I mean it.” Erin said.

“You wouldn’t believe me if I told you anyway.”

“Try me…I've heard some unbelievable things in my life. Don’t forget that I interview politicians for a living.”

“True.” Dave smiled. “So you want to know the truth?”

“I've always wanted to know the truth.” Erin replied. “You’ve just found a million ways to change the subject. I can't let you do that anymore. This is for my peace of mind more than anything else.”

“I'm an immortal, Erin.”

“Go on.”

Go on? Did she really just say go on? There was no gasp, no smirk, and no look in her eye. Dave knew that look in Erin’s eye; he’d seen her do it so many times. But she didn’t have it tonight. He’d just said he was immortal and she just sat there. She needed to hear more. He took a deep breath and told her.

“We were never supposed to meet that day. I didn’t…”

“I've heard that part of the story before. Tell me something I don’t know.”

“At that time I was what some would call an angel of death. That’s not really the technical term as I don’t live in heaven, you're not going to see me glow, and God and I aren't that close. I used to be with those who were dying to take their souls to the place they needed to be. I was a middle man, so to speak. But I've had more than one job during my time on earth.”

“Including a crime writer.” Erin said.

“Including a crime writer.” Dave nodded. “I rarely interact with people that I don’t need to. That’s what made that moment in the park so out of character for me. I actually tried to ignore you, if you remember, but you poked me. Once we interacted you became part of my eternity. There was no other choice. That’s just the way this thing works.”

“You no longer take souls?”

“No. I've trained some young immortals, that’s nice work if you can get it. I also do some things that I can never tell you about. My world is very secret and has to remain that way. That’s for the people who live in it and for you.

“As much as I want to be with you, some of the reason I leave is that there are good sides and bad sides to every way of life. If someone hurt you to get to me I would never forgive myself. This world is a better place with you in it and I can't let my love for you put you in danger.”

“I don’t get to make that choice?” she asked.

“No. You unwittingly made a choice 45 years ago…that was enough.”

“If you would’ve told me the truth then at least I could’ve made an informed choice.”

“I know. Nothing about this is black and white. I’d kill for it to be so simple.”

“If you're an angel, do you watch over me?”

“I'm not technically an angel.” Dave replied.

“You're avoiding the question, Rossi.”

“I look in from time to time to make sure you're alright. My life can get hectic and busy. Years go by and I hardly realize it. When you don’t age it’s not as if you have milestones to look forward to.”

“How old are you anyway?” Erin asked.

“You know what, I have a question. How can you possibly be taking this all in with a straight face? I know you're a top notch, nonpartisan journalist but I'm telling you a very tall tale, Erin. It’s the truth but I would understand if you thought I was a liar. I would understand if you made a scene and threw your wine in my face.”

“That would be a bit dramatic, don’t you think?”

“Not given the circumstances. Do you believe what I'm telling you? I hardly believe what I'm telling you.”

“How the hell would I know if there were or weren’t immortals in this world?” she asked. “I believe in certain things, even if I'm not quite sure how it would all work. But I know you, David, I've known you for practically all my life. I was under no impression that I was about to get a simple explanation. You're a complicated man; it’s a complicated situation. I don’t give a damn how farfetched the truth might be. If you were lying to me, deep down I’d know.”

“I've never lied to you.” Dave said. “That’s why I avoid a lot of your questions.”

“That’s why I stopped asking. I wish I could do keep doing that but I can't.”

“You deserve to know. I wish I could tell you more but it’s better for both of us that I don’t.”

Erin nodded and drank her wine. She wanted more, she always wanted more with Dave but wasn’t going to push. It was time to sit back and enjoy this lovely dinner. What he told her was a fantastical story. No one in their right mind would actually believe it.

There were plenty of days that Erin wasn’t in her right mind. But what was the alternative? Was Dave really in the CIA? Did he sell weapons and secrets to terrorist organizations? Was he trapped in a boring, loveless marriage in Duluth?

Any one of those scenarios could be true. But that wouldn’t explain why the man never seemed to age. His hair was silver now but Erin started to think he was dying it so people would stop asking questions. Or maybe she was the only one that was.

He said he only dealt with people he was supposed to encounter. Their meeting was an accident, perpetuated by a curious seven year old. She was still curious…she asked questions and sought truths for a living. He had no reason to lie to her anymore. He had no reason to lie in the first place.

“That’s the most ridiculous shit I've ever heard in my life, David.” Erin said. “You almost made it sound plausible but…”

“…and here it comes.”

“Just nod if you're a CIA assassin. I won't ask you to go into any detail, I never want to put your life at risk, I just want you to nod.”

“I'm not a CIA assassin.” Dave shook his head. “I admit that would be an interesting job but it’s not me. I'm a writer.”

“Do you cut people’s heads off to take their power?” Erin asked.

“I'm not Highlander, Erin.”

“Those are the only immortals I know of. If you can't get power or knowledge from the quickening of other immortals than what's the point of living forever? There's got to be more to the story.”

There was so much more; Dave Rossi had been on earth for a very long time. He couldn’t share those things with her. Parts of his life would always be secret. He knew that Erin had difficulty handling that. He was surprised by how difficult it was for him right now. The truth was that she might never believe him. His truth might tear them apart just as much as his silence had.

“I love you.” he tried to smile.

“Ditto you jerk.”

“Are you enjoying your dinner?”

“Yes.” Erin nodded. “This is a lovely restaurant; thanks for asking me.”

“I'm lucky I ran into you.” Dave said.

“You're something all right. Oh boy, David Rossi, you are something.”

The raucous laughter led Erin into the living room after she closed and locked the door. She didn’t expect to see Tom, Elizabeth, Ursula, and Rachel all having a wonderful time. She felt a little hole in her belly for missing it.

“What's going on in here?” she asked.

“The Ambassador just got slammed in Taboo.” Ursula replied laughing.

“It was mixed couples Taboo.” Elizabeth said. “Who knew that Tom and Ursula would make such a great team?”

“It’s good to see you Tom.” Erin smiled. “I wasn’t expecting to while I was here.”

“I came up for a long weekend.” Tom stood up from the couch and hugged her. “I missed my wife terribly.”

“You should’ve invited Dave in.” Ursula said. “We could’ve gone another round.”

“I don’t think I've ever felt more like a fifth wheel in my life.” Erin said it and meant it. “You guys just enjoy yourselves. I'm going to go upstairs and relax with a bath and book.”

“Not until you tell us how dinner went.” Elizabeth said. “Did he tell you the truth? Did you ask him?”

“I asked him.” Erin sat down on the arm of the couch. After a disapproving glance from Elizabeth, she went over and squeezed into the oversized chair with Ursula. Ursula wrapped her arms around Erin. “You wouldn’t believe it if I told you.”

“I knew it…CIA.” Rachel said.

“Is he CIA?” Elizabeth looked at Erin.

“He's a Sicilian mafia assassin, isn’t he?” Ursula asked. “He typecast himself wearing all black and those Italian leather shoes. It’s a good look for him but also very Pippi De Lena.”

“Who are we talking about?” Tom asked.

“Erin’s on-again, off-again.” Rachel replied.

“On-again, off-again what?” Tom asked.

“Sweetheart, I love you,” Elizabeth replied. “But shush.”

“O-K.”

“He's done some work for Langley but mostly he's an independent contractor…and a writer.”

“Independent contractor is Latin for assassin.” Elizabeth said.

“Or warmonger.” Ursula added.

“I'm not telling you guys the entirety of the conversation.” Erin said. “But I asked the question and was mostly satisfied with the answer. We've known each other for a very long time; I felt like I was in the dark about too many things. Now I'm not.”

“So are you two…?” Elizabeth asked. She just made a gesture with her hands that made everyone laugh.

“I have no idea what that even means.” Erin said.

“You can negotiate with Soviets but can't say doing it.” Rachel laughed.

“Doing it?” Ursula raised an eyebrow. “You're all crazy. No one says doing it anymore. Just ask her are they fucking, darling.”

“You know what I mean!” Elizabeth exclaimed laughing.

“I don’t know where this leaves us.” Erin shrugged. “It’s been a complicated history. We did agree to see each other again before I head back to DC. Other than that, there are no concrete plans. Try as we might, David and I have never been good at that.”

“Have him over before Tom goes. I can get to know him better…we can play couples Taboo.”

“We can silently judge what kind of thing this is.” Rachel said.

“Nope,” Ursula shook her head. “I am so not going to be silent. I'm going to give my full throttle opinion about the entire thing. Dave would expect no less.”

“I know that I wouldn’t.” Rachel said.

“And in the more things change, the more they stay the same news.” Elizabeth said.

Everyone was laughing again. Erin leaned back on Ursula and kissed her temple. Her best friend gave her a squeeze. Dave did know Ursula well. If she didn’t speak her mind, give her “full throttle opinion” on things, he would surely think something was up. So would everyone else in the room.

December 22, 2013

“Hey!” Erin handed the toy to her granddaughter as she got off of the couch and rushed into Dave’s waiting arms. “You made it.”

“I walked.” He kissed her lips.

“Hey Dave.”

He was greeted with enthusiasm by members of Erin’s family. Her kids were there, Nora and Ted. Nora’s husband and daughter were also there. Her mother and Aunt Constance, who was her late father’s twin sister, also greeted him. Erin hadn’t known if he was going to make it back for Christmas.

Dave left DC two weeks ago with important business to attend to in Berlin. Erin told him that she would be at her mother’s for the week leading up to Christmas. While the world could take all of them in so many different directions, they always came back together at the end of the year to reflect and spend time together. No Christmas of her life had gone by without her mother.

“Can we talk in the bedroom for just a minute?” he whispered.

“Sure.” Erin nodded. “We’ll be right back guys.”

“Do you need some mistletoe?” Ted asked grinning.

“Never have,” Dave replied. “And never will.”

Once they were in Erin’s bedroom, Dave pushed the door up. Erin sat down on the bed and he sat down beside her. He took her hand, lacing their fingers as he held it in his lap.

“I've taken care of some really important things.” He said.

“What's Berlin like at Christmastime?” Erin asked.

“It’s like being on the North Pole, both in festivities and in weather. If I could’ve handled this in Oahu, believe me I would have.”

“So what have you taken care of?”

“I'm no longer an immortal.” Dave replied. “Now we can be together without interruption. It was time, Erin. I know it sounds strange but I found something worth dying for. How many people can say that?”

“Not many. How does one go about getting rid of their immortality?”

“My eternal life force was removed.”

“Did it hurt?”

“You're being facetious.” He pinched her nose.

“I'm being curious.” Erin said.

“It hurt a little, if I'm honest with myself. I was more hurt that there are people that I most likely will never have a chance to interact with again. But I have you, and I still have this life. For those that I lost I will gain more.”

Erin nodded. She never wanted to give up anything for her. But if he was an immortal, he wasn’t going to be able to live that life and be with Erin too. They loved each other but there was still a long way to go on this journey. Erin would be returning to her show soon; she had no idea what Dave was going to do with his time. She didn’t even know if she had the time required for a committed relationship. A retired immortal probably had plenty of time on his hands.

“So you're my boyfriend now?” Erin asked.

“Do you want me to be your boyfriend?”

“It might be nice.” She nodded. “I haven’t had one in a while…not that men haven’t tried.”

“Of course they tried; you're the most magnificent woman in the world.” Dave said. “We could get married. I bet that would keep the men away.”

“We might kill each other.”

“But what an adventure it would be.” He grinned. “You should think about it for a little while, out of formal courtesy, and then say yes.”

“Can I see it?” Erin turned on the bed to face Dave.

“See what?”

“The scar. Your eternal life force was removed; there has to be a scar. Cocoa butter got rid of a lot of it but my C section scar used to be pretty unattractive. I also have an appendectomy scar.”

“I don’t have a scar.” He shook his head. “It’s more of a metaphysical thing combined with ancient rituals. We can be together now Erin, I thought you would be happier. Are you happy?”

“Of course I'm happy. Tell me what your plans are. You might not have forever anymore but you’ve got some time to make things happen.”

Dave was still writing; his third novel would come out sometime next year. He was also going to be teaching three seminars at Georgetown University in the spring on crime and media. Most of his books had been crime-related but David Rossi was no average true crime author. For two decades he had been leading the pack in everything from true crimes people had forgotten to suspense novels. Erin really had no idea just how famous he was in his other job.

“Don’t worry about me being underfoot.” He said. “I have contingency plans that would get me through the apocalypse. There's plenty for me to do. I'm going to enjoy finally having enough time to do it.”

“So we’re really doing this?”

“Of course we are.” Dave kissed her. “I love you. There have been times in this long life when I've questioned what the hell I was even doing here. Now I know.”

“Oh God, don’t do that fate thing.” Erin shook her head and laughed.

“That fate thing?” he raised an eyebrow.

“We’ll talk about it later.” She got up from the bed. “We need to get back out there before everyone assumes we’re making out in here. We have dinner reservations at eight for Morton’s. Are you hungry?”

“I'm starving.” Dave smiled and stood up too. When Erin reached out her hand he happily took it. “It will be the perfect way to end the day, and to start the rest of our lives.”

“I'm not gonna roll my eyes. I'm not going to roll my eyes, I promise.”

“C'mere,” he pulled her into his arms. “One more kiss before we go out there and I have to share you with everyone else. I think this might actually be the first time I've had you all to myself. A man could get used to this.”

Erin wrapped her arms around him and enjoyed the kiss. When she ran her fingers through his hair, Dave moaned. Just the sound brought it all flooding back. She had one life to live and yes, she wanted to live it with him. She’d grown up, raised kids, had her dream job, loved her friends; Erin deserved this happiness. Whether their meeting was fate, a happy coincidence, or something in between, sometimes the best things were worth the wait.

“I just want to say one thing.” Her lips were still resting on his.

“Say it.” He kissed her again.

“It’s no wonder you're a writer; you tell the most fantastic tales. A metaphysical thing? Really? You could make this whole thing a real page turner.”

“I don’t write love stories.” Dave said.

“You’ve been writing one for 47 years. Immortal former CIA assassin falls in love with plucky blonde journalist and decides, after crucial action and steamy love scenes, to leave his old life behind.” Erin smiled. “I have no doubt it would be a best seller.”

“I'm going to have to deal with this in one way, shape, or form for the rest of my life aren't I?”

“At least it’s just going to be one more, David. You have that to look forward to...or something like that.”

Dave held onto her hand as they walked out of her room, back down the hall, and to her family. The one thing he was looking forward to more than anything was never having to leave her again. They could travel together, make brunch in bed on Sundays. Dave was sure she would love the back of his motorcycle for long rides down Northern Virginia’s back roads. They could get a dog and build a house somewhere in the Corridor.

They could buy a Manhattan condo and visit Erin’s mother, Aunt, and children anytime she wanted. It wasn’t the life he was used to but Dave knew that those adventures stopped being adventurous a long time ago. Everything with Erin was going to be both familiar and brand new. Dave walked the earth a lot of years; he couldn’t believe how excited he was about the permanence of something so normal. He knew with Erin by his side he could don armor and save the world if he needed to.

Dave also knew that movie night on TCM with warm pasta salad and those ridiculous bear paw slippers she wore would be just as amazing. It took a minute for it to dawn on him, maybe it had taken four and a half decades…Erin was the adventure. She was beautiful, feisty, curious, brilliant, and full of life. She had her moments when she needed to go out and conquer the world. Other times she would be content in the hammock that he would build for her.

This was their time; whatever time was left. They weren’t young but they were nowhere near geriatric. Really being together, with no one (Dave) having to run off at just the wrong time, was what both Erin and Dave wanted. Together would surely be the most joyous experience of his very long life.