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It had been easy to fall in love with Tsukishima Kei - it really was. The hard part was staying in love, when he couldn't even love himself.
Tadashi bitterly smiles, the full moon another reminder of the blond. Everywhere he looked, Tadashi could only see Kei - but perhaps that was to be expected, when he thought of him as his own world.
Kei trudges up their backyard after dinner. Everything was at peace that tranquil night, and it felt unfair when turmoil bubbled up within himself, the burning ache in his chest unquenchable, knowing that the only person he wanted to keep close had left him with nothing but an empty place in his heart.
"Had it always been this hard?" Tadashi chuckled dryly, as he fumbled with the hem of his shirt, his gaze lowered down. He wanted nothing but to watch Tsukki this one last time, but he'd rather not let him see him already tearing up.
Kei rubbed the back of his neck, suddenly taking interest in the soles of his shoes.
It wasn't always this hard, of course. It was easy to start a relationship like theirs - the strong foundation of their friendship only strengthened the newfound feelings, blooming first love, so pure, so sweet - but with every pure canvas, it's just as easy to taint it - like a black dot, growing incredibly vivid with pressure, until your left with nothing but black.
Tadashi only grew frustrated at Kei's silence. "You know," he started, his voice loud enough to make Kei flinch, "I always, always, thought if I was ever enough for you."
"Yamagu-"
"No wait, let me finish," he bit his lip, lest he breakdown in front of him. "I have to tell you this, because I might never be able to without wanting to cry and run away."
Kei nodded, his expression solemn, unreadable - but Tadashi knew better than anyone how troubled he was, with the way he fumbled with his fingers, the crease on his temples, but nevertheless, he stood quiet. The least he could do was to give Tadashi the closure and the explanation he needed.
"We were fine at first," Tadashi recalled, a ghost of a smile on his features. "And then, you started going out with Bokuto-san and Kuroo-san a lot more. But that was fine - I'm not saying it's not! It really, really was fine."
The irony of Tadashi's words conflicted with the tears falling down his face.
It wasn't fine, after all, Kei knew this enough. This little labitule of theirs, they've kept warm and cozy, have started to show cracks on the floors and tears on the walls.
Still Tadashi went on: "And then, it started to grow more frequent. That was fine, too. But just a little bit, I felt forgotten? I felt like I'd been replaced, and I know I shouldn't doubt you, because you told me you loved me every night right?"
Kei nodded. "I did."
"So why'd you tell Kuroo-san the same thing?"
Kei furrowed his eyebrows, his eyes meeting Tadashi's for the first time today.
"When -"
"You know exactly when, Tsukki."
The truth was, Kei's memory was hazy regarding the matter, but the first thing he remembers was the day of 11th December - their anniversary. Kuroo and he himself had gotten drunk that night - the blond forgetting their anniversary for the first time in 5 years. That had been fine - perhaps that would have been fine, if Tadashi didn't catch Kei muttering an 'I love you,' to the dark-haired male, who only smiled sadly and bid him goodbye.
"Tadashi, I was drunk," Kei explained, his heart pounding irregularly. He didn't do anything wrong, so why did he feel so guilty about it?
"Yeah," Tadashi sniffed. "I'm sure that's it."
When Tadashi walked away from him, it had been the hardest thing to do, until adrenaline pumped his legs to keep going and going, faster and faster, until leaving him and his insecurities and his anxieties and his jealousy from over the 5 years felt like the easiest thing to do.
It wouldn't be that easy for Tadashi or for Kei tomorrow, or maybe even the next tomorrows, or maybe even for another 365 tomorrows, but if leaving meant learning how to love and be in love again, it was a risk the two would take - they would learn how to live separately - but no one could doubt that for a moment in their lives, the two had touched and made the other better than they were now.
"Tadashi," Kei greeted with a small smile, as he buttoned his collar, then those on his wrists. A glistening silver tie embedded his silk shirt, with matching ironed pants that ended up to his ankles.
Tadashi greeted him with a fond hug that could only have been bore between two close friends. A tear escaped the green-haited male's eyes, which he hurriedly wiped off. Kei shook his head with a smile.
"You're still the same as ever," Kei mused, as Tadashi lightly punched him on the arm.
"You too," Tadashi laughed loudly, as Kei joined in.
The two smiled at each other in awkward silence, unsure of what else to say.
"Well, I'll see you in church," Tadashi murmured, as he gave his friend one last hug. "Congratulations to you and Kuroo again!"
Kei smiled graciously, despite the sad look in his eyes. Tadashi furrowed his brows at this, and patted him on the shoulder.
"I really am okay," Tadashi whispered. "I really am happy for you, Tsukki. Take care of him."
"Thank you, Tadashi."
Tadashi grinned and gave him a thumbs-up, and closed the door gently as he went out.
"Seriously," Kei murmured, closing his eyes, remembering Tadashi's sobs - a painful and quick reminder of what have been and how long it took for them to get here. "Thank you so much."