Archive of Our Own

mingyu wanders -- has been wandering since he got into a car accident which then put him in a coma. it’s been two years and he has no idea where to go from here.

at first, he was in denial of his current situation. he thought that he can just jump on top of his hospital bed and he’ll be back his body again, alive. he’s seen it in movies, dramas and cartoons a few times and surely there is no harm in trying. but every single time he attempted to do so, he opened his eyes, still a ghost staring at his body, only the tubes connected to it keeping it alive.

there was a time he thought he possessed gifts such as making objects move like poltergeists, touching people and things to make scare them and so on. he entertains ideas like this knowing that there is no one to tell him it can’t be true. if he had the ability to exist outside of his body, surely anything is possible, right?

however death isn’t that fun, and caused a deep feeling of helplessness, something he rarely felt before this. 

to get some fresh air and a change of scenery, he leaves the hospital often to find another place to wander. it helps him feel less miserable. the city is busy and provides entertainment. he watches people, cheeks flush with color and life. warm to touch. some with eyes that sparkling with excitement. others cast downwards in misery. he wonders if they fear death.


mingyu didn't use to.

he floats to places he used to frequent like the cafe near his office where he used to grab a cup of coffee before work or spend time in to do last minute revisions before he clocks in. 

they hired a newbie before his death. if mingyu didn't die so suddenly, he would make extra effort to get to know them. a lanky guy, with long and wavy hair that curled at the ends. who's birthday means angel he likes the feeling of being that customer who knows every employee at an establishment. 

mingyu likes being seen, heard and feeling like he matters.

death isn't that fun.

tears are shed almost every night since his soul left his body. at first he tries to hold it in, not used to sobbing like a child, but no one sees him anyways. it's cathartic in a way so he uses all of his energy sobbing. big and fat sobs which sound more like calls for help.

he wants this to end, whatever that implies, growing increasingly tired of wandering. every day he checks on his body  and every single day he breaks his own heart watching friends and family visit.

at first there were a lot of people who visited. his room is filled with flowers and cards on top of every surface possible, silly doodles from friends. heartfelt ones from close family. friends used to come over and comfort his parents, telling them stories of mingyu mostly kept as a secret just to make her laugh.



mingyu's the type of guy who leaves a lasting memory on people and it lives on in the memories he created with people.

like that one time he drunkenly sent an email to his professor instead of his crush, jung jaehyun. and how it was read out loud in front of the class while he was nursing a hangover. mercy was shown when jaehyun's name wasn't read, but it took months before his dignity recovered.

or that one time his friends walked in while he was taking dick pics to send his fling. numerous times he fell asleep in class. pants ripping open on his first day at work. blueprints stained with chocolate fingerprints. spilling coffee on his boss because he was rushing in.

then one day, the stories get fewer. people and laughter does as well. and so does hope.

so mingyu cries. wanders. and cries again.

until he just feels numb.

months turn into a year. one at first then another.

"it's been two years… it's time to sto--"

"are you telling me to give up on my son? you? who couldn't even eat because johnny couldn't play volleyball due to his injury for six months?"

the older woman, seo myeorun, is a long time friend of his family. johnny is his friend who often visits korea but mostly stays in the us for work.

while her son spent time in the us, mingyu easily became like a son to her. as harsh as her words may sound now, mingyu knows she only wants what's best for his mother.

after her visit, mingyu sits beside his mother as she massages and stretches his limbs. it helps with blood circulation.

she looks like she's aged ten years as she pats a clean wet towel on his body. her mother's cheeks often lifting due to smiles and laughter, now stained with mascara and tears.

"mongmongie…" his mother calls to him, fingers pushing his now long bangs that covers most of his wave. "do you want to leave me now?"

mingyu shakes his head, tears threatening to spill again as he steps closer.

"when you were born…” his mother exhales deeply, fingers lightly running through his hair. he misses it, her gentleness and warmth. “i didn't know what to do with you. i was so weak, but i didn’t want to close my eyes to rest. i just wanted to keep looking at you and god, it felt as if i had fallen in love for real," she whispers, laughing. "how could someone be this small yet still hold so much power over me? did i make that? those kind of questions filled my head. i didn't want them to take you from me for even a second."

at his mother's words, he couldn't help but break into sobs, memories of how much love he's been given through his life rolling like scenes from a movie in his mind. memories that make him feel alive even if he's anything but.

"now someone else will take you from me, huh? my sweet boy…"

time passes with mingyu hugging his knees to his chest at the corner of his room.

the voices around him are only above a quiet murmur, fading away and he prays hard -- the hardest he's prayed in his life. he prays that he wakes up and hugs his family for even a minute. he repeats the prayer like a chant in his head for what feels like eternity.

then he opens his eyes.

instead of the hospital walls’ yellowing wallpaper, he is sitting on the floor of what seems like a grand hotel lobby in decadent white and gold.

there's an iridescent shine on the walls that catches his eye and when mingyu looks up, a painting depicting baby angels in beautiful soft pastel pinks and blues covers the large expanse of the roof. it seems as though they're flying as he squints to catch more of the details in his state of awe.

his steps echo against the marble floors when he stands up to look around. this place isn’t somewhere he’s been before and it’s eerily quiet.

he swallows thickly and when he turns, the reception greets him. it wasn’t there before, he recalls while slowly approaching it. neither was the round golden plaque with only the letter ‘m’ written in cursive in the middle.

once he stands only a step from the reception, three figures shoot up. he can only see their hair tied up in a neat bun.

he waits for a bit to be addressed but instead there is silence and the beating of his own heart.

“hello?” he calls out, voice echoing throughout the empty room.

smoke surrounds him coming from the reception floor until it wraps around his frame like a vice. jumping in surprise, he tries to step away from it but when he blinks, he’s in front of the reception again.

only this time, holding a sleek tablet in his hand with the words ‘welcome’ written in black in the middle of an otherwise blank white screen.

it unlocks when he holds it closer to his face and makes a clicking sound. soon, the blank white screen is replaced by what looks like a cover letter for work.

it contains a picture of him that he had attached to his job applications back in the day which strikes him as odd.

upon reading further, there's details such as his name, number and email address. however, there are other information that are more personal and definitely did not have a place in such a format.

fhis sexual orientation, names of his family members and biggest achievement in life (which is something dumb and didn’t belong there). the rest...they’re too personal. he feels a sense of horror as he scrolls further through the many pages in the tablet.

it's his life story.

using bullet points, everything from when he was first starting to form in his mother's belly up until what he assumes is his last moments are documented.

a chill creeps down his spine, and he places the tablet back on the reception counter before sprinting away. this has got to be some sort of sick joke.

his shoes skidded against the smooth floor but no matter how hard he runs, he never reaches the door.

the lobby feels larger now, stretching and stretching further. how did he reach the reception in just a few steps? he looks back and the reception and it is is far closer than he imagined. the eerie receptionists don't even utter a word as he runs away.

at least, he tries to.

mingyu tires out soon enough and he collapses against the floor. closing his eyes, he runs his hand through his hair in frustration.

what's going on? he doesn't have any other choice other than to attempt to gain information from the receptionists.

he can't believe that even in death, he has to deal with complicated things such as this.

he tries for the tablet first, unlocking it again. after scrolling all the way down, he sees a 'confirm'  button and he presses it, impatient.

the tablet buzzes and his information is replaced with what looks like a map. it shows the reception and a dot which he supposes represents him.

he is about to press it when a robotic female voice comes from the device saying, "welcome to the middle. we are pleased to make your acquaintance. for your orientation, you will meet a representative from our deathly resources department. kindly follow the navigation instructions in this device."

"well, what choice do i have?" mingyu sighs and shakes his head as the beep from the tablet signals him to start moving.

once he starts walking the reception fades in the background. similar white walls surround him but this time, paintings of famous painters decorate them.

he notices a dali piece as well as one from monët. fascinated, he tries to take a quick look but the tablet buzzes. it seems like he's close to his destination. 

the long hallway stops and leads to two doors. one to the left and the other to the right. mingyu looks down at the tablet and it points him to the left door however, he was curious of the right one.

curiosity be damned.

he takes a step towards it, only to almost scream his lungs out when someone grabs his arm.

"kim mingyu ssi, you're supposed to go this way." he hears a voice tell him.

he turns around and sees a stranger clad in a white uniform with golden accents. it had been tailored to fit him perfectly and the white suits him, his smile kind and welcoming.

although he does see a flicker of mischief in his eyes which makes him squint. additionally, for someone who looks so young mingyu feel as if he’s way older than he looks from the way he carries himself.

mingyu steps back. “who are you?”

“your guard. though we’re called keepers since it sounds more friendly,” the stranger answers in a matter-of-fact tone while walking. mingyu has no choice but to follow him since he doesn't know where the fuck he is. “we serve as a guide and tend to your needs during your stay here in the middle.”

“this is the second time that his place was referred to as the middle ,” mingyu says, brows knitting together in confusion. “why?”

laughing, the stranger opens the door and steps to the side to allow him inside. mingyu doesn’t step inside when he receives no answer and simply stands there, gaze on the stranger. he wants answers now.

who knows what’s inside the room he’s being asked to enter?

“the middle is purgatory. the place in between heaven and hell. you’ll be briefed on the inner workings of this place by the manager.” with that out of the way, mingyu is pushed inside the room and the door closes behind him.

mingyu attempts to open it to no avail and kicks it in frustration before turning around.

he’s inside an office. rows of document cabinets surrounds the single office desk in the middle where piles of documents in folders are stacked high up. the room smells of sage and also old books.

it’s almost difficult to see who’s behind the folders until they stood up and walked towards him. 

“i’m sorry about jisoo. he’s tending to a lot of new travellers so he wants this part to be over it,” the old man says, giving him a smile.

he’s probably around his sixties, wearing almost the same uniform as the one mingyu guesses is jisoo except his has a golden lapel pin of a butterfly attached to his suit. mingyu doesn’t know if there’s any meaning to it but thought it pretty. “

i’m the manager, han seongsu.”

out of respect, mingyu bows his head and mutters a greeting. the older man smiles before gesturing mingyu to sit on the chair in front of his desk. 

“just move the documents to the floor.”

once that’s done, seongsu starts flipping through the documents on his desk and makes a cheesy ‘aha’ noise. mingyu’s guessing he found his "file".

it’s odd that everything’s on paper here when earlier there was a tablet that basically told his whole life story.

“you probably have a lot of questions, mingyu. but let’s start off with the basics, shall we? first of all, the middle is a place where you can let go of all your past regrets before moving on to wherever you might land. depending on how you’ve led your life prior to your death, you will hop on a plane to either heaven or hell. however,” seongsu pauses, lifting a blank coffee mug and takes a sip. “the time is completely up to you. once we are finished briefing, jisoo will lead you to the common area and introduce you to our facilities. and—“

“w-wait!” mingyu interrupts, holding a hand up. “what do you mean that it’s up to me? i thought that when i died i’d… i’d finally rest. you can’t just—“

seongsu stills and gives him an eerie yet knowing smile. “but you have a regret, am i right? why else would you wander aimlessly all these years?”

“i thought— i thought that was because i was in a coma?”

seongsu shakes his head, laughing, and continues to explain.

the common area is beyond this hallway, mingyu is informed. although he tries to listen, most of it goes inside one ear and out the other. the words manager seongsu says plays in his mind.

regrets are the reason he hasn't found peace. of course. even when he was living, he also can't rest because of his regrets.

“so in conclusion. this is the middle and its purpose is to help our travellers leave their regrets here before moving onto the next life. it doesn’t matter if you’ve been a murderer in the past or a saint. everyone here has an equal chance of at least that.” seongsu pauses again, this time opening a drawer and giving mingyu two sets of what seems like cards. the ones people use typically to open doors at hotels.

“the plain gold one is in your room and the white one is a key to open the facilities we have to offer. now that we have that out of the way.” seongsu leans back against his chair, crossing his arms against his chest. he then stares at mingyu straight in the eyes, catching the younger off guard. “why do you think you didn’t go straight to...let’s say heaven?”

“i don’t know. i literally just...suddenly appeared here.” mingyu looks down at his hands on his lap, licking his lips. he suddenly feels cold all over and his mind is blank. 

seongsu gives him a look of sympathy, knowing the look well. for someone as young as mingyu, it’s probably even more difficult. he musters a smile, reaching out for the tablet on his table and taps on it. 

“i’ll have jisoo drop you off for counseling. it will help you figure it out,” he says, standing up. “oh, and here’s your laptop. you’ll know what to use it for later.”

mingyu stands up as well, taking the laptop and the card keys. he doesn’t really know what else to say other than to leave. something tells him that most of his questions will be answered soon enough.

before he closes the door, seongsu stops him. “by the way, you’re rooming with someone you’re very familiar with so consider yourself lucky.”

counselling is held at what seems like a meeting room. chairs have been arranged to form a circle and there is a long table at the side where iced tea is being served. in the five minutes that mingyu’s sat inside the circle, he has seen the effect of the iced tea on people, somehow calming their intense emotions. mingyu would go as far as to say that they seemed high as fuck but didn’t do so out loud.

there’s only one missing chair when the leader of the group counselling finally arrived. mingyu’s surprised to find that he’s not some forty year old auntie or uncle who spreads the gospel every sunday but rather a young and incredibly charismatic man that is probably around his age who smiled at everyone, showing off a set of dimples. he’s a bit shorter than mingyu, hair dyed a soft blonde that made him look like one of the cherubs depicted in the painting he saw earlier.

mingyu knows he’s not the only one who thought so, seeing how the rest of the attendants of this counselling session reacted. the old lady beside him noticed his long and thick eyelashes as he sat down and greeted everyone.

“welcome to what we call the support group slash counselling for new souls. i’m choi seungcheol and i would say it’s a pleasure to have you here but we all know that we all just want to move on.”

a chorus of laughter come from the others. mingyu couldn’t help but snicker himself. a couple of honest people in this honestly confusing place? sounds good to him.

the round table started and each person shares their story of how they died and who’s left behind. and seungcheol asks the right questions that leads them to the realization of their regrets. damn, he’s good , mingyu thinks. a soft applause is given to each individual, the people standing beside them either hugging them or patting their shoulder to tell them they did a good job. 

mingyu feels a bit uncomfortable with it all. the closer it gets to his turn, the more nervous he is. he tries to tell his story in his mind, trying to make sense of it but it all sounds so stupid and unfair to him. but he’s not the only one.

everyone’s eyes are on him when seungcheol calls out his name. they’re all expectant of history, looking at him sympathetically. a few whisper of his looks and it’s so awkward to be looked at by so many when he spent two years being completely invisible.

“look who death brought in.”

that’s a familiar voice.

with a sharp intake of breath, mingyu turns to the source. a sleepy smile is directed at him, his steps slow but not dragging as he walks to the empty seat. he still looks the same, his jet black hair a mess as if he’d just woken up. knowing him, he probably did just wake up. so typical of him.

so typical of yoon jeonghan, mingyu’s first love and ex boyfriend.

“what are you doing here?” mingyu asks, standing up when jeonghan takes a seat. 

jeonghan laughs, making him feel stupid for asking the question. “i’m dead, of course. and ready to find out what my regret is so i can move on. isn’t that the purpose of this, cheol?”

seungcheol smiles at jeonghan, clearly amused. “yes, you’re right. mingyu here was about to enlighten us on how he died and maybe we’ll figure out what his regrets are that are keeping him here.”

slowly, mingyu sits back down and licks his lips. he thought… jeonghan had died way before him almost three years ago. the fact that he’s still here doesn’t make any sense. he’s about to ask jeonghan but is interrupted by seungcheol.

“mingyu? it’s your turn to share.”

good god. why? he smiles and takes a deep breath. i guess he has nothing to lose at this point. 

“i was in a coma for two years. was in a very serious car accident. i heard i wasn’t the only one to die from it. it was a big intersection and a bus driver was half asleep and lost control of the wheel. i was driving back from work for our family dinner. it happened...so fast.” pausing, he licks his lips and glances briefly at jeonghan and looked away so fast when he catches the older looking at him.

“anyways, next thing i know i’m staring at my body. days and months passed by and i just...looked at everyone. then when they pulled the plug, i woke up and i’m here.”

the claps sound awkward in mingyu’s ears, completely out of place but he doesn’t say anything. 

seungcheol’s voice rings in his ears. “what do you think you regret the most then, mingyu?”

“i— i don’t know. uh… not saying the words i wanted to say to my family? leaving my dog alone? something like that, i guess.”

“you sound very unsure of your answer. maybe if you thought back when you were still alive. right before the crash?” seungcheol prods. “there must be some deeper meaning to why you’re here, don’t you agree?”

“i don’t know. is there?” he shoots back.

the crowd is silent and seungcheol doesn’t answer back. mingyu feels sorry for the sharpness in his tone and looks up at him. instead of looking at him weirdly, seungcheol’s smiling. before he can stop himself, he looks at jeonghan who’s looking at him with a weird expression. he smiles his cheeky smile at him just as seungcheol announces that the session is closed for today.

“those who haven’t realized their regrets should come by tomorrow. remember, we only want you guys to move forward. that includes some of us who are too stubborn to leave.” seungcheol shoots a glare at jeonghan who just shrugs.

as the crowd shuffles out of the room, mingyu can’t help but be the last. on the way out, seungcheol pats him on the shoulder and tells him that he hopes to see him tomorrow. mingyu gives him a half hearted nod, the only thing in his mind is his ex boyfriend. he hopes that he can confront jeonghan since his presence here deeply disturbed him. these two years he thought that the older had moved on. to heaven or to hell, whichever. 

jeonghan approaches him casually where he’s waiting by the door, smiling. “hello there, baby.”

“don’t call me that,” he whispers, feeling the ghost of an ache in his chest. “why are you here?”

“well, i haven’t found my reason yet. and you saved me from having to tell my story again for taking too long. so i came by to say thank you. and to ask which room you’re in.”

mingyu furrows his brows at the older, holding the laptop in one hand and using the other to fish his keycard from his pocket. “room 1003, why?”

surprise colors jeonghan’s features for a few seconds before he bursts out in laughter. mingyu’s confused again and is about to ask why he’s laughing when he holds up his own keycard, the numbers 1003 written on it.

“and then they were roommates,” jeonghan says with a mischievous grin. before mingyu could even finish processing the fact that they’re roommates, jeonghan takes his hand and steers him in an unfamiliar direction. 

“by the way, you’re rooming with someone you’re very familiar with so consider yourself lucky.”

for fuck’s sake. 

looking around, mingyu notices that the hallways are now lined with multiple doors with numbers. they must be in the part of the hotel or wherever this is — the middle — where the living quarters are located. there are a few people walking the hallways, avoiding eye contact. mingyu pays them no mind, only focused on the coldness of jeonghan’s hand against his and the familiarity of it all.

when jeonghan and mingyu broke up, it didn’t end as badly as mingyu thought it would. the days leading up to their meeting in the cafe near mingyu’s house, jeonghan had already been dropping signs of wanting to break up with him. why? because his addiction with alcohol was getting the best of him, he said.

communication between the two became even more difficult when his radio show, a warm cup of milk, got cancelled due to the radio station’s lack of funds. his words became sharper, insulting mingyu for all the things mingyu lacks and the verbal abuse slowly became part of their every day life.

mingyu made a silent promise to himself to help make jeonghan better. he visited him, cared for him, threw out his bottles and cleaned his apartment and even bathed him when he was too drunk to do so himself.

rehab isn’t an option, mingyu had told himself as he brushed jeonghan’s hair away from his face and watched as his beloved slept. jeonghan would hate it there. he would feel too lonely and would act out even more.

however, jeonghan’s parents thought differently. he was sent to rehab and before that, the two met up at the cafe where jeonghan broke it off. it was painful, seeing how much love jeonghan still had for him that he was setting him free. mingyu knew that he had to heal alone and only reminded him that he was there for him if ever he needed him.

that was the last time they spoke. he would hear of his progress from his mother who mingyu contacted every now and then and held onto the hope that they would meet again once again. maybe they would pick up where they left off or maybe they’ll simply be friends. it didn’t matter.

mingyu didn’t know that they would meet again here. 

“we’re here,” jeonghan announces, pushing the door of their room open.

mingyu pulls his hand back and walks around the room. it really does look like a hotel. a divider separated their single beds. the other furniture in the roon are a couch, two study tables and chairs for each of them and two chest drawers for their belongings. the bathroom is small with a shower, a sink and a mirror. there are already toothbrushes, soap and other necessities inside. however, tgere are no windows. come to think of it, he hasn't seen a single window since he got to the middle which creeps him out a bit. 

taking a few steps towards the study table, mingyu puts down the laptop on top of it, seeing that jeonghan had one as well sitting on top of his bed. mingyu notices late the pitcher of iced tea and two glasses on top of the round coffee table on jeonghan’s side of the room.

“what’s the laptop for?” he asks the older, trying to sound nonchalant. 

jeonghan grins. “oh you’ll see. i bet you’re tired. one thing good about the middle is that you can sleep and the beds are comfortable.”

“explains your hair.”

“i mean,” jeonghan says slowly, shrugging. “you’re not there to fix it and i can’t be bothered.”

“don’t say things like that,” mingyu responds with a glare, hating how his heart skipped a beat.

“like what?” jeonghan asks, walking closer to where mingyu is standing.  

shaking his head, he places a hand on jeonghan’s chest to stop him from stepping closer than an arm’s length. not when he is realizing that time did not dampen the feelings he had for him. not even in death.  which is pretty pathetic.

“oh come on. that’s no fun.” jeonghan laughs. “have you had the tour already, by the way? if not, i can give you one right now.”

the offer sounds tempting and maybe he can ask jeonghan a couple of things along the way. things that he’s always wanted to ask all those years ago but he couldn’t.

so he nods. “sure, why not?”

he just has to not be too affected by the older. this should be fine.

jeonghan and mingyu’s first stop is the restaurant. carpeted floors, a buffet, bar and an elevated stage for performers. the air smells faintly of vanilla and something else mingyu can’t quite point out. only a few people occupy the tables, chatting in low voices that mix with the jazz music which plays in the background. it gives the dining atmosphere pleasant.

“they serve the best food. rumor has it that the food changes according to how you remember a certain dish,” jeonghan informs him with a smile and grabs an apple. he hums for a bit, laughing. “crunchy and fresh. try it.”

mingyu shakes his head, pushing the offered apple away. “let’s just continue with the rest of the tour, okay?”

“suit yourself,” jeonghan responds with a shrug though not with a hint of amusement in his tone.

for a place that’s supposed to be for dead people, the middle sure was beautiful. there were art pieces scattered on the hallways, the carpeted floors their steps a quiet thud against it. they pass by the way to the swimming pool and mingyu can hear children’s laughter as well as water splashing. even...birds which make him look around to see if there are any around. 

jeonghan greets a few people with a dazzling smile although they never quite reach his eyes. it’s more to be polite than anything. and although it’s been a few years since they met, he still walks with the laid back and smooth swagger that he had when he was alive. some may call it lazy but it’s filled with confident strides. 

a few minutes in, mingyu doesn’t feel as awkward as he did earlier. it’s still unnerving to be around jeonghan but he feels that he won’t make things awkward. their next destination is the ballroom. jeonghan opens its huge doors open. again, there are no windows. in the middle, a few instruments sit on top of the elevated stage ready to be played. the floors are replaced with alabaster,

apparently, the whole point of the middle is not only as a purgatory but also a place where they can indulge in good food, music, alcohol, swim (yes, there’s a swimming pool) and even relax at the spa. jeonghan tells him this when they check out the buffet. mingyu doesn’t feel particularly hungry so they skip to the next location. but not before jeonghan grabs an apple with a happy hum. 

as they walked, mingyu fell behind jeonghan a step. it's a habit he always had, especially when they fiight. it means he's giving the older his own space and is afraid he'd be mad if mingyu was too close. compared to jeonghan, he's much taller as well as muscular. top that off with his clumsiness, he always trips out of nothing. and when they are in a fighting phase, the smallest things that jeonghan loved about him such as his clumsiness makes him angry.

the archives looks like a library. there are rows of wooden shelves with alphabetical labels. each shelve contains small boxes with names on it. the room is eerily still and there apart from the two of them plus the middle aged woman with thick framed glasses who checked mingyu's key card upon entering, it's empty.

they're only allowed to visit it once, jeonghan had informed him before they entered, since there are people who like to dwell on the past for too long. the boxes contain usb drives containing memories from when they're alive, some of them they might have even forgotten already. mingyu prides himself in his ability to memorize things but he sucks at remembering events. he's both nervous and confused why they're here. 

"did you already visit?" mingyu asks as they reach the section where jeonghan finds his box. 

jeonghan nods, looking through the usbs. they're labeled with years and not much else, mingyu notices when he peers over jeonghan's box through his shoulder. however, the older quickly notices and pushes him to find his own box. mingyu nods like a kicked puppy being shooed away. he's not really sure why he should bother looking through his memories until he remembers what had happened during the counseling.

right, i should be finding out what i regret so i can move on, he thinks and grins widely to himself. he looks through the boxes in his section and finds his, his name written on it as well as his birthday, where he's born and who his parents are. he doesn't take note of the dates, simply grabbing the whole box in its entirety before going back to where jeonghan's standing. he holds one usb drive with a solemn look on his face. mingyu walks over to him and the sounds of his footsteps make jeonghan jump, putting the usb drive in his pocket before shoving his box back in place.

"you done?" he asks, licking his lips.

mingyu nods, eyebrows wrinkling in confusion. "yeah... should we get out of here?"

jeonghan looks at him then the box and laughs. "sure. i think that's enough touring for the day. you can watch the memories back at our room. i'll be... helping cheol with something."

he doesn't expect the jealousy that hits him. jeonghan must be talking about seungcheol, the counselling group leader he met earlier. still, he keeps it under wraps. he's good at that. "sure, i can head back on my own. i know the way."

"i'll be helping cheol with something," mingyu mimics mockingly once he's back inside their room. he's surprised when he opens the cabinet and some of his clothes are there. what surprises him more is the scent of the fabric softener his mother uses. he changes into a hoodie and a pair of shorts, walking to the bathroom to wash his face. now that he's alone, he actually feels exhausted from today and it's only his first day at the middle. seeing jeonghan almost makes him want to run away but the fact that he's actually tangible makes his fight or flight instincts activate even more.

once he's done, he grabs the computer that had been provided to him earlier and pops a random usb drive in the slot. it opens the file explorer, showing multiple folders. instead of numbers, they're thankfully labeled with names. it makes browsing so much easier. this particular usb contained memories from when he was twelve. he opens a random folder and then a video that shows him being awarded for winning first place at a science competition. it's taken from a third party perspective, not his own, so he sees himself grinning triumphantly in between his mother and father as he held the medal up high.  

mingyu likes to call his time in his life the era before his sexual awakening. he had always been a curious child and because of that curiosity and eagerness to learn, he grew up to be smart. he was also loud and boisterous, always getting his clothes dirty that his mother would chastise him almost every single day. 

mingyu plays another clip of his childhood, laughing and embarrassed at how annoying he had been as a child. after having a fill of that and more, he sets the laptop and box on top of the table and sneaks under the covers of his bed. the comfort and warmth it brought seem to seep inside his chest and bones because he feels oddly at peace. damn, this is why he loved hotels. each room had been slept on by other people yet somehow, they were still comfortable.

his eyes are shut and sleep grasps at him firmly when he hears the door creak. he doesn't bother to open his eyes, knowing it's just jeonghan. he turns on his side so that his back faced the door as well as the other's bed, pretending to breathe slowly and heavily as if he is truly asleep. his heart hammers in his chest as he feels jeonghan's weight on his bed, sitting down. it does so even more intensely when he feels his fingers comb through his hair. the scent of alcohol comes from him and mingyu hates it.

it reminds him of all the reasons why he had to nurse his heartache and hear people say they're better apart.

"it's good to see you, mingoo," jeonghan whispers, ruffling his hair gently before standing up and walking to his own bed. mnigyu sucks in a breath.

the older's breathing gets heavier and he snores lightly, already asleep within minutes mingyu's heart continues to beat fiercely against his ribcage, a once dull ache now intensifying. 

who knew that even as he's on his way to heaven (or hell) that he would feel this way towards jeonghan still?

seungcheol keeps pestering him.

ever since that night, it's been increasingly difficult to pretend that he's unaffected by jeonghan's presence. the older seems to enjoy the way mingyu tries to avoid him, even sleeping and waking up earlier just so he can get out of the room and roam around the middle without him. it works, since jeonghan always loves to sleep in. but just when he feels he will have a semblance of peace and figure out why he's stuck in the middle, seungcheol seems to always find him. once he does, he asks constantly what he and jeonghan are. naturally, mingyu refuses to answer and other times he just flat out turns the other direction when he sees seungcheol.

it's tiring, avoiding two people at once. so he goes to the place they least expect him to be: the archives. he brings his laptop and box of usb drives with him there, asking the woman in charge to allow him to stay there. the desperation in his tone might be the reason why she agreed but mingyu couldn't be bothered to care why. he's just thankful. inside the archives, he watches other clips, racking his brain for answer. time passed so quickly in there that he loses track. 

of course, he couldn't run away forever.

"gotcha."

mingyu looks up from the computer screen, seeing jeonghan looming above him. he doesn't look happy, mingyu quickly notices, and there's an air of vulnerability around him that surprises mingyu. he fights the urge to say something that will comfort him and also the urge to run away at the same time. it takes seconds for jeonghan to hand him a usb drive.

"watch this," jeonghan says plainly.

mingyu takes the usb from him, looking at the date. "this... is the day of the car crash. when you died." mingyu remembers because that's the day that his hope of seeing jeonghan again even if they aren't together anymore...got crushed.

jeonghan nods, plopping down on the floor next to mingyu. he's surprisingly calm for someone who's about to show how he died. "yes, and also... the day of your own car crash."

what?

"no, the crash happened the day after," mingyu says softly in disbelief.

jeonghan doesn't answer this time and eager to prove him wrong, he puts the usb inside the slot. this time, the perspective of jeonghan's dashcam. his eyes are bloodshot and he's singing loudly to a cheesy pop song, not really paying much attention to the road. mingyu sees the signs of him being drunk and feels anger bubble inside him. jeonghan should have known better. he should have taken better care of himself so they can have a chance again. 

mingyu died due to a multi car collision. a bus had lost control due to the driver drinking before starting work, causing fifteen people to be injured. one person died and the other aka him was in a coma. he didn't bother checking up on the other people, too devastated over his untimely death. as he watches the bus lose control due to the car in front of him swaying back and forth, he recalls how it feels like being inside that bus, holding onto the seat in front of him.

when the car in front suddenly stops, the bus hits it, sending it forward harshly with a screech. another car about to take a right turn couldn't hit the break in time and toppled to its side as it collided with two other cars.

it become too much for him to watch, as if he's reliving his death again so he clicked it away, hand shaking.

jeonghan's car was the one in front of the bus. he was swaying because he couldn't drive properly, drunk and having taken drugs the night prior while partying.

"i knew it when i saw you again," jeonghan says, hugging his knees to his chest. "my regret is that because of me, all those people died. that clip is the only thing i haven't watched since i got here. i couldn't watch it, the guilt wouldn't let me. i was clean for 90 days, even threw a party for it, but then i got invited by colleagues to drink. i couldn't refuse, my superiors wouldn't let me. they didn't know. i should have... i should have refused properly."

"you should have," mingyu seconds, feeling his anger rising. "you shouldn't have driven that car that day. should have stayed at home, gotten sober and started again. recovery is a process, hyung. and i... i was waiting for you."

eyes wide, jeonghan stares at mingyu. "what?"

mingyu looks up, eyes glassy from unshed tears. "i was waiting for you to get out of rehab. a part of me expected we might get back together but even if we didn't, i would have been happy just seeing you living your life happily. and i... i think what i regret as well is not telling you that despite all of it i still have so much love for you."

"well," jeonghan starts and reaches out to pat his head. "now you did. you weren't joking when you said you'd always love me."

although it's difficult, mingyu manages to smile. "if it isn't obvious, you're my first love. a first love never dies even when we do."

"well i'll be damned, mingyu. which drama did you get that from?" jeonghan asks teasingly and they laugh together for the first time in a very long while.

after the revelation, they start to catch up. mingyu tells jeonghan of what he did the years they had broken up and tries to guilt him for breaking his heart. jeonghan responds by guilting mingyu for not visiting despite knowing which rehab he had been sent to by his parents. they both give up eventually, going back to updating each other about their lives. jeonghan also assures mingyu  (in a way that makes mingyu feel that he's being played) that nothing is currently going on with him and seungcheol. 

mingyu's right to steer clear of seungcheol. no matter how nice the other is, he couldn't shake away his jealousy.

they're back in their room. it's the first time in a while that the both of them had been in the same room together in weeks. at least when they're conscious. mingyu goes through the same routine before bed but this time, jeonghan casually joins him as he's brushing his teeth. he lowers his gaze, but jeonghan's clearly happy since he's humming again. compared to the time jeonghan petted his head, he fears his ribcage breaking from how fast his heartbeat is.

"since we're being honest now," jeonghan starts, leaning his hip against the sink. "why did you avoid me these past few weeks?"

mingyu almost chokes while gargling, spitting out water. "i didn't think you'd be asking me this," he says and feels his cheeks flush from embarrassment. 

"just tell me," jeonghan pleads, eyes big and round. "i thought you hated me and i didn't want to make you hate me even more.

sighing, mingyu runs a hand through his face and glances at the older. "i... you--" the words were stuck on the tip of his tongue, not wanting to be said. "i was awake when you--" mingyu pats jeonghan's head, taking his hand back almost immediately but jeonghan beats him to it.

he's the one wearing a serious expression now, looking at mingyu intensely. he opens his mouth to say something, but suddenly there's a knock on the door.

"i-- i'll get that!" mingyu declares, using this as an opportunity to run away from jeonghan. 

he takes a few deep breaths before opening the door and there, he sees jisoo standing. it's been a while since he's seen the first person he talked to ever since coming to the middle. he's wearing a wide and happy smile now, holding two letters in his hand. 

"i have good news. ah! and jeonghan's here as well. perfect!" jisoo says, pushing further inside the room and closes the door. jeonghan's sitting on his bed while mingyu's just thankful jisoo interrupted in time. he gives jeonghan his letter first and then goes back to mingyu, eyes almost shining. "here you go."

"what's in here?" mingyu asks as he opens it. 

to whom it may concern,

 

this is to notify you, mr. kim mingyu, that while we have enjoyed your stay at our establishment, you are scheduled to board the flight to heaven tomorrow at 18:00 hours. we hope that your stay with us has been wonderful and we wish for your safe travel to a better place.

 

 

regards,

the middle

mingyu feels a sigh of relief. finally, after years, he will be able to move on and finally lay to rest. the years of waiting, wandering aimlessly and never being at peace. he also met jeonghan again and he looks up from the letter to look at him, smiling. however, he doesn't look all that happy.

"congratulations! you guys are on the same flight. it seems that the other needed to be here in order for you both to realize some things," jisoo says happily, looking at the both of them curiously.

"yeah..." jeonghan says, folding his letter and looks at mingyu with a soft smile. "it's nice."

jisoo nods in agreement, already walking towards the door to leave. "be sure to be at the boarding gate fifteen minutes before your flight. you have a lot of time to say goodbye to everyone."

mingyu smiles, escorting jisoo out of the room and closes the door. 

and just as he's about to turn around, he feels a pair of arms hug him from behind. jeonghan's gripping him tightly and has his forehead against his back. unsure of how to react, mingyu's frozen in place.

"you know what happens in heaven?" the older asks.

mingyu shakes his head.

"you let go of all of the negative feelings. regret, hate, dislike, pain...all of it. you exist in a plain where everyone's just fucking happy all the time."

"isn't that... what's heaven's supposed to be like?"

jeonghan lets him go and laughs. mingyu takes this time to turn around and look at him, confused at the point of his spiel but the older raises a hand up. "sorry, i got dramatic for a second. i'm just happy we get to go together."

at his words, mingyu feels a sense of relief and nods, walking to him with a wide grin. "me too. we should get ready and go to bed, hm?"

jeonghan nods, reaching out to ruffle his hair. "yeah... about that." pausing, he steps closer to mingyu, every inch of their body touching and looks up. "can we cuddle tonight?"

mingyu couldn't find the words which is rare but he gives the older a mute nod. at the silent yes, jeonghan takes mingyu's hand in his, leading him to his bed where he climbs up first, scooting to give mingyu some space.

contrary to popular belief, mingyu is the little spoon in their relationship.

the lights are off except for their bedside lamp and mingyu can hear the beat of jeonghan's heart through his chest. it brings him comfort, knowing that it beats just as erratically as his does. despite himself, he feels so unbelievably happy. their legs are intertwined, jeonghan's hand playing idly with mingyu's hair while he hugged the older at the waist, and it's the best feeling he's felt in a long while. alive or dead at that.

it's when jeonghan sneaks his hand to grab his butt that he suddenly thinks this is a bad idea.

"hyung!" he shouts and almost falls from the bed if not for jeonghan pulling him closer as he moved away from surprise.

jeonghan's laughing, full blown chest and stomach laughing and mingyu couldn't help but stare. he's the most beautiful person he's seen in his life, even with all the jagged edges, the sadness and brokenness. his love for the other had grown past romantic. it's just there and just as natural as life and death itself, a part of life. and he meant it when he said he would be happy so long as he's happy, even when his role in jeonghan's life is simply a friend.

but friends don't cuddle like this and they certainly don't look at each other the way jeonghan's looking at him right now. certainly friends don't caress their friend's cheek and lean in to place a soft kiss on their lips and then another. 

he's stunned at first but soon, he's kissing jeonghan back fervently. they're sloppy kisses but it feels so right and it's as if every single dead thing in his body is on fire, alive. when he breaks away to breathe, the next kiss is even more intense and jeonghan's quick to straddle him, taking off his own shirt and mingyu sees through the warm light from the lamp allows mingyu to see jeonghan's body for the first time in a while.

he's much more skinnier than he last remembered, and there were bruises and scars on his skin most likely coming from the car accident from glass to other debris. mingyu catches a terrible gash is on his hip right before jeonghan kisses him again. he's about to tell jeonghan to stop because frankly, he's afraid that he's just being used but he missed this. he missed this so much. he missed jeonghan.

so he gives in, pushing himself off of the bed to take his own shirt off. jeonghan kisses the now exposed skin and mingyu lets out a long sigh. 

"i haven't stopped loving you," jeonghan says as he kisses up to mingyu's lips again. he looks at mingyu with a tenderness that is present at the most random times with him that mingyu feels his breath catch in his throat. "i wanted to get better and make you proud. you're the only one who had faith in me, you know? breaking up with you... it was the hardest decision i had to make. i wasn't sure if i was going to be okay and i couldn't bear to hurt you anymore, gyu. i just... and then the accident--"

"shh," mingyu says soothingly, cupping jeonghan's face in his hands while planting soft kisses. "i forgive you, hyung."

"are you forgiving me because you're about to get some ass?" jeonghan asks, laughing.

"that's part of the reason--" 

jeonghan gives mingyu a sly smirk, arching a brow. "well then. i guess i better give you a good time."

...all passengers to the last flight to heaven tonight, 18:00 hours. this is our last call before departure. 

calling all passengers to the last flight to heaven tonight, 18:00 hours. this is our last call before departure.

"you guys do hear that, right?" seongsu asks, looking at the two men sitting in front of him. they are wearing the biggest smiles, holding hands and snickering like children. it makes his blood boil and he doesn't make an effort to conceal that. "jisoo--"

"i tried my best, boss. but these two, they really didn't want to go to heaven," jisoo says with mock sadness. in reality, he's ecstatic to potentially boss around someone new. they haven't had a new recruit for a decade. since he's their superior, he'll make sure they learn from the best.

"oh would you look at the time," jeonghan speaks up, turning to look at mingyu with the widest smile. this is the most fun he's had in a while. "guess it's too late, huh?"

"i can make you board the next flight tomorrow," seongsu threatens, arching his brow.

mingyu looks at the middle's manager, almost mirroring a certain someone's mischievous smile. "but you could also allow us to help jisoo around, right? i can do cooking, cleaning, anything you want to be done."

jeonghan is nodding enthusiastically then everyone's attention turns to him after mingyu's little speech. "oh. my turn? well, i'm an all rounder myself."

jisoo suppresses a laugh behind his hand, but remains quiet. the place is about to get even more livelier, he thinks as he looks at jeonghan and mingyu.

here's two people who met again here out of all the places, still in love and unwilling to move on. for some people, it might be a bad thing. after all, jisoo did have a phase where he had regretted staying behind instead of moving on. but if he has someone, just like how jeonghan has mingyu, then maybe it will help make the stay worth it.

he leaves the room to let them negotiate. the help is needed and he knows they'll most likely be allowed to stay behind seeing as not many people do so. as the door closes behind him, he leans against the wall and smiles to himself.

forever wouldn't be a bad thing for those two.