Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Akko heaved something halfway between a groan and a sigh as she slumped back against the wall, broom in hand. Sadly, not the fun, flying kind. The unfun, sweeping-up-the-storage-room-because-detention kind.

I mean, she’d only broken reality a little bit! Maybe if the stupid spell hadn’t been so hard to say! Seriously, Akko was pretty good at languages, but what kind of word had three different pronunciations of the letter c!?

And Diana had fixed it anyway! Well Professor Badcock had helped a bit but at this point Diana was pretty much a walking solution to anything that went wrong in Luna Nova, especially centred around Akko.

Deciding that she’d swept long enough to take a break, Akko pulled out her phone. Technically contraband, but being friends with Constanze had its perks. She flicked over to Twitter, and idly scrolled through. That was weird, half the posts were from accounts she didn’t even follow. There was also way more anime than Akko ever remembered seeing on her Twitter. Not that she disliked it or anything but like, practically half her timeline was anime now. Was the algorithm messing up again?

Akko went onto her following list to see what was up and, wow, it was completely different! The hell was going on? She scrolled through, seeing a bunch of names she’d never heard before, half of which seemed to have “LWA” or “LWA_jp” there somewhere?

Hang on.

Why… Why did all of them have profile pictures that looked kinda like her? Well, not pictures of her. Drawings. Drawings of Akko as an anime girl.

What the hell was going on?

Akko tapped on one at random, skimming down through a sea of posts of herself being drawn flying on her broom, or hanging out with her friends, or kissing Dia—

WHAT!?

Akko nearly screamed, fumbling and flailing as her phone nearly went flying out the window and oh crap that better not happen cause then what if someone else saw the picture and like there was no way they’d believe Akko wasn’t responsible for it and like she couldn’t even draw that well never mind do this shockingly good drawing of her and Diana ki—

Akko caught her phone. The image was still there. A perfectly drawn, lovingly rendered, full colour image of her and her rival, as anime girls, kissing each other. And, geez, they looked so loving there. Both of them had such tender expressions drawn on their faces.

Was it weird that Akko was jealous of a drawing of herself, just because said drawing was kissing Diana and she wasn’t?

The hashtags were filled with the same #LWA, #LWA_jp tags. As well as #Diakko, which like, Akko had obviously never thought of as a cute potential portmanteau couple name for herself and Diana cause like, they weren’t even dating and that would be weird obviously.

She flicked down to the comments.

“Omg blessed”

“Thanks for the food sis #DiakkoIsLove”

“W e w”

What the hell was going on!?

OK, let’s stop and look at the facts. Do some hard analysis. One, there are a bunch of people out there doing drawings of me. Two, for some reason, they draw me in an anime style. Was that just cause she was Japanese cause like wow that was so racist, but then the pictures of everyone else were also in an anime style so it probably wasn’t because of her specifically. She hoped.

And this train of thought was all very nice but it was failing to distract her from point three. Some of those people were drawing her and Diana as… a couple.

Akko decided to tap on the #LWA to see what else would be there.

Naturally, she missed, and her thumb found its way onto #Diakko.

There was so much of it! What the hell!?

Akko scrolled and scrolled through pages and pages of images of her and Diana kissing, cuddling, holding hands, going on dates, eating sushi together in Tokyo, and that last one was so unfair because did they have any idea how often Akko had dreamed of doing that?

And the weirdest thing is… there were also several drawings of things that had actually happened to them. Like, that picture just there of the two of them holding hands on the Shooting Star was probably the fifteenth one she’d seen of that. This raised two things: firstly, Akko’s heart rate. Secondly, the undeniable fact that all of these artists actually knew about her life.

Maybe this was cause the fight with the Noir Missile had been broadcast everywhere? Akko was still coming to terms with the fact she and Diana were kind of international celebrities, but people drawing a lot of art of the two of them saving the world would make sense, she guessed.

But then that didn’t explain why the hell that last image was of the two of them kissing in the Cavendish Manor underground hospital! No one knew about that! And now Akko was just staring at the image and imagining what would have happened if she had kissed Diana because she’d really really wanted to and gah! This wasn’t helping!

Akko actually tapped #LWA for real this time. It was no less confusing, but at least she wasn’t having to add her barely suppressed urge to kiss Diana into the mix.

The regular LWA hashtag was mostly art of her and her friends. As well as advertisements for some kind of VR flying game? Since when was there a flying game of her? Was that legal? Akko didn’t really mind anyone using her likeness but weren’t they supposed to ask first, or something? But also awww that one of Lotte singing to her little spirit friends was so cute! And the one of Angel Sucy and Devil Sucy and wait how did they know about them!?

Akko giggled as she saw one of herself at the workers’ strike. Actually there were quite a few of those, or ones of her as some kind of revolutionary. Maybe she should buy a beret. It was a good look for her, apparently.

Aaand there was another picture of her and Diana cuddling softly. Of course. Akko scrolled down. Huh, potentially sensitive image? Akko tapped.

Akko nearly dropped her damn phone again.

OK, so, it wasn’t like she hadn’t imagined doing… that… with Diana… maybe once or twice… but also…

Moving swiftly onwards.

The next picture of the two of them cuddling caught Akko’s attention, not for the content, but for the description.

“Based on this super cute fic I read, check it out here!”

What did that mean?

Akko tapped, and just as the page finished loading—

“Kagari! Are you nearly done in there!” Professor Finnelan’s shout echoed around the storage room.

“Hai! Basically finished, Professor!” Akko hurriedly stuffed her phone in her pocket.

“Hmm.” Finnelan strode into the room, mouth curling in disdain as she took in the state of it. “Hardly the deep clean you were instructed to do, but it’ll suffice, I suppose. Hurry along, you’ll miss dinner.”

“Yes, Professor!” Akko called, cannoning out of the room at something approaching Mach 3.

A few hours later, Akko flopped into bed and pulled out her phone. Had it gone back to normal? Akko wasn’t sure if she was hoping that it had or was excited to see more of this strange version of the Internet where people kept drawing her as an anime girl who sometimes maybe gave Diana kisses.

It was as she left it, loading that page she’d had to look away from when Finnelan had arrived. Archive of Our Own? Akko had never heard of that site before. Akko looked through the tags on the page. Little Witch Academia? Was that what LWA stood for? Wait, Little Witch Academia!? Akko wasn’t that short! She was like ten whole centimetres above the average height for Japanese women, thank you very much!

Little Witch? Sounds like whoever came up with that name was a Little Bitch! Heh, gottem.

Diana Cavendish / Atsuko “Akko” Kagari. Akko could probably guess what that meant, if all those drawings of them cuddling were anything to go by. And, now she was stopping to think about it, it was really weird how many people were invested in her relationship with Diana, wasn’t it? Like, not that she was opposed to the idea of her and Diana cuddling or kissing or, maybe, doing that thing in that one picture that she was not going to look for again, but they were real people. Wasn’t that kinda weird?

Akko read further down to discover… a story? About her? Being told from her point of view!? It was… kinda freaky reading someone writing her own thoughts about events that had happened to her and even more freaky was that the author had got her… pretty accurate? Akko wasn’t sure she ever talked to herself in her head quite as much as she was being written here but then that one long run on sentence there was kinda similar to how she thought especially when she was around Diana which is what she was doing right there in that story and holy crap they just wrote her asking Diana to kiss her and Diana said yes and—

Akko went to scroll back up.

But she couldn’t.

Her eyes were locked on the page, on the tender description of Diana shyly smiling, whispering “yes,” and leaning in, gently closing her eyes as her lips made their way to Akko’s—

It wasn’t fair.

It wasn’t fucking fair.

Akko had daydreamed of this moment for, well, longer than she cared to admit, and here was someone lovingly detailing the one thing she wanted more than anything else. It was enough to drive a girl mad. She read through, her imagination conjuring vivid images of what it would be like if she really asked Diana and she really said yes and they really kissed like this. Would it feel as good as this story described it?

Better, probably.

The story finally came to a close, and Akko felt a tear pricking at the corner of her eye. It was so loving and beautiful and made her wish so desperately that it was what she and Diana actually had, rather than this bubble of fear in her gut every time she thought of, well, doing what she did in this story.

Akko scrolled back to the top, tapping on the “Little Witch Academia” tag, glaring at the “Little” part all the while.

Over two thousand stories!?

And, wow almost all of them had the Diana Cavendish / Atsuko “Akko” Kagari tag. Story after story about their romance that didn’t even exist yet.

Oh ew, that one said Ursula Callistis / Atsuko “Akko” Kagari. Eugh, Akko’s stomach actually kinda turned at the thought. Was there any way to make sure she didn’t see those? Oh, filters, that should do it.

Akko tapped through a few of them. Ah, relationships. OK just to get rid of the one of her and Chari- Over a thousand of them were her and Diana!? Holy crap it was over sixteen hundred if you added the two options together! That was like, four-fifths of the stories! Was the idea of her and Diana dating the only thing all these Little Witch Academia fans cared about!?

That was leading her back to the elephant in the room. What the hell did this all mean? It was becoming increasingly apparent that there was something seriously wrong with her phone. Akko wasn’t a genius by any means, but she was smart enough to figure out that her botched reality warping spell might have something to do with it. Was her phone stuck in an alternate reality? One where people wrote stories and drew cute art of herself and Diana?

Akko had a genius idea. She opened a new tab, and Googled “Little Witch Academia.”

Huh. An anime. That was definitely her and her friends on all the promo art. She skimmed through the Wikipedia page, reading the episode synopses and, yep, all things that actually happened to her.

This had to be the weirdest Alternate Universe she’d ever found herself in.

Or her phone in, as the case may be.

So. Her phone was stuck in a reality where she was the main character of an anime. And, in that reality, most fans of the anime thought she and Diana were a couple. Had the show made them kiss at the end? To be fair, if Akko was writing an anime about her life, she definitely would have got her and Diana to kiss at the end. So what if she was a little biased on the matter.

Oh well, only one thing for it.

She jumped back to that Archive site to read more stories.

Most of the stories seemed… speculative? The majority were set some time after the Noir Missile Crisis, or, in the future in her reality? Maybe? Heh, the idea of travelling into Diana’s mind seemed kinda funny, definitely gonna read that one later. And loads had her living her dream as a magical performer after Luna Nova! Or buying a giant Alcor plush, which, to be honest? Yeah Akko would absolutely do that.

But even more weirdly, a bunch of them seemed to take her and her friends and put them in another different reality? This reality warping thing was already weird enough without having to imagine herself as a magic-less college student or something. Wait, wouldn’t it be university student? That’s what Brits called it right?

The college ones definitely weren’t the only different realities though, there were more than she could count! There was one where she rode ponies (sounded fun), one where she was a knight (rad), one where she and her friends were a heist crew (would probably screw that up day one), one where she went on Bake Off (definitely not, Akko could burn water), one where she was a Pokemon Trainer (amazing!), and even one where she was the one writing this fanfic stuff. That last one made her head spin a little. Things were already getting a bit too meta here, she thought, looking directly at the reader as she did so.

But the one thing they all had in common… that Diana/Akko tag. People really liked the idea of them dating, huh? And, well, the anime they were basing everything off was based off her life. It even included all those tender moments they’d shared with just the two of them. And thousands of people had seen those moments, and been inspired to write about the idea of the two of them being in love.

Akko was vaguely aware of the concept of “shipping.” You couldn’t be friends with Lotte for nearly a year and not know about the Edgar/Arthur vs Edgar/Belle argument. The thought that thousands of people would be so invested about her and Diana in the same way? Heck, they were invested enough to actually have them date, whereas the real Akko was sitting here too scared to even ask… 

Hang on.

Akko suddenly realised that she had, at her disposal, over a thousand stories detailing the idea of her successfully getting Diana to date her.

She giggled to herself. This was the best idea she’d ever had!

Chapter Text

Akko awoke the next morning, bleary-eyed and exhausted. She had spent the entire night reading stories. Wonderful stories. Tragic stories. Beautiful stories. Stories where she and Diana fell in love in every way imaginable and some that she never could have dreamed of. Her tiredness was not for naught, however, as she had been left with several important realisations:

Firstly, she really wanted an Eevee.

Secondly, there were some very talented writers out there who she was extremely indebted to for the gift they had given her.

Thirdly, some of those wonderful, talented people really needed to finish their damn stories.

But lastly, and perhaps most importantly, she was now armed with an incredible arsenal of knowledge that would aid her in her quest to fulfil both those authors’ dreams and her own.

Well, hopefully. Some of those stories had written Diana as being remarkably dense about romance, or sometimes not even knowing she was gay! Fortunately, the real Akko had a truth or dare game in the Blue Dorm and several favours to Amanda to thank for that valuable piece of information.

The real question then, was which strategy to try first? Best to start by getting rid of the ideas that wouldn’t work. Faking the effects of Cupid Bee venom on either herself or Diana seemed like a lot of hassle to set up, and knowing Sucy it would end up backfiring horribly, so probably not that one. Which did, unfortunately, rule out a surprisingly large portion of her new “advice.”

Ditto the ones where they encountered some kind of horrible magical curse and declared their love for one another in the midst of fighting it off. Although honestly? If that Faiwu demon was real she probably would have risked it just to recreate that story cause damn it’d be worth it. Well, maybe she’d skip the headbutting part.

Asking Andrew for help, apparently that was one that always went wrong. Which was fair, he would hardly have been Akko’s first choice for a wingman. Although wow some of those authors really did not like Andrew very much. Was he just a total douche in the show or something? I mean, he could be a bit snobby in Akko’s real life so she couldn’t really blame anyone for getting that impression, but still, he was alright now, mostly.

Amanda, on the other hand, appeared to be a mixed bag. The writers seemed divided between whether she would actually be helpful or just mess with Akko’s love life for her own amusement. Or, more commonly, both at the same time. Probably the closest guess to reality.

Oh, and why did so many of these authors think getting Diana to help her study would work? Diana was the worst study partner in the world! She would just tell Akko something that she understood, Akko wouldn’t get it, then Diana would get frustrated at having to explain it twice!

And last, but not least, Akko was one hundred percent certain that Diana would end her entire life without hesitation if she so much as considered messing with her hair. Even if the idea of Diana as a butch made her weak.

So, with all the bad ideas out of the way, Akko considered her list of good options. Strategy One: Cuddling! Or attempting to initiate more physical contact in general. The great thing about Strategy One is that it could be seamlessly integrated into most other Strategies, and also Akko would enjoy it a whole lot. And they had been a bit more touchy-feely lately! Diana had even initiated a hug a week ago! More cuddles were definitely on the agenda.

Strategy Two: Wet t-shirt. That one came up surprisingly often and seemed to work pretty well every time. All she had to do was arrange today’s flying practice near the lake, then have an “accidental” mishap. Easy!

Strategy Three: Talk about the holding hands in space thing. Or the Cavendish basement thing, or even the time Diana told her she loved her with Cupid venom in her system. A lot of these stories had bits where they’d start talking about those tender moments and the conversation would get steadily more romantic and then she would get her Diakko Kisses!

Of course she was using the couple name. It was cute.

There were a few other backup strategies Akko had taken under consideration, like trying to make Diana laugh, or the puppy-dog eyes trick, but the Big Three were her main priorities for today. She couldn’t possibly fail!

“Whoa! Craaaaaap!” Akko went flying downwards, plummeting directly towards the lake significantly earlier than she’d intended to. She hadn’t even taken her jacket off! The idea was meant to be wet t-shirt, not wet everything!

A large splash and a quick drag from the depths courtesy of Diana and Lotte later, Akko was soaking and shivering and spluttering on the edge of the lake. Why had none of those authors ever mentioned how damn cold it was to have wet clothes clinging to you?

“Really, Akko, we warned you to be more careful,” Diana muttered, as the protective waterproof bubble around her dissipated. She turned her wand towards Akko and conjured a glowing hair dryer. Lotte moved to join the others, who were busy failing to hide just how much they were laughing at her.

“Sorry, I got distracted.” Akko rubbed the back of her neck sheepishly, grimacing as she realised that all she’d done was send more water down the back of her shirt. Wait, shirt! She needed to at least take advantage of the opportunity! Akko fiddled with her uniform jacket, cursing how fiddly the buttons and fabric were while this soaked. After a few too many seconds of frustration, it landed in a sodden heap on the ground.

“Ahhh, that’s better!” Akko stretched her arms, trying not to flinch as the water ran down her back. Should she press her chest forward a bit? Some of the stories had her doing that and it seemed to help but it might be a bit far. Better check what effect it was having on Diana fir- Diana wasn’t even looking!

Diana was, in fact, very pointedly staring at Akko’s jacket on the ground, and not at Akko in her wet t-shirt. After all the effort she went to of getting herself into this situation, the least she could do was give Akko something to show for her efforts!

“Hey Diana!” Akko called.

“Yes, Akko?” Diana looked up, maintaining careful eye contact with Akko as she did so.

Fine, back to Strategy One then. “Wanna hug?” Akko grinned, spreading her arms wide.

“A-Akko you are soaking right now-” Diana started, backing away.

“That’s not a no!” Akko dashed forwards, wrapping her arms around Diana and nuzzling against her cheek.

“Eugh! Akko why would you hug me whilst covered in pond muck!” Diana recoiled, pushing her away and reaching for her wand to clean herself off.

“Oh.” Akko deflated. “I thought you were OK with me hugging you nowadays…”

“I- yes, Akko, I am… more than willing to indulge you in a hug or two, on occasion.” Diana looked away as the conjured hair dryer moved from Akko to herself. “However, I am not sure why you thought that would apply when you are quite so thoroughly drenched.”

Backup Tactic Four sang its siren song in Akko’s mind. She would not heed its call. Backup Strategy Four was a vile temptress, seducing Akko with guile and honeyed lies. She would ignore it. She would be a stronger woman. She would—

“Oh, so you don’t want me to get you wet?” Akko said with a smirk.

Diana immediately flushed bright red. “I-I fail to understand your meaning? I thought I had made that point clear.”

…Did Backup Strategy Four just work!? Akko made a mental note to leave kudos on every story where she used innuendo to flirt, her unlikely saviour in these trying times. Now all she had to do was fold in Strategy Three and she should be well on her way to Diakko Kiss time!

“I mean, you did tell me you loved me that one time…” Akko trailed off, looking meaningfully at Diana, wet shirt and all.

“I’m not sure I recall ever saying such a thi-” Diana froze at the realisation. “A-Akko! Surely you understand that I was not myself at the time! I was under an affliction from a Cupid Bee. Which, might I add, I have very little reason to doubt was not in some way your fault.” Diana affixed her with a knowing glare.

“It was Sucy!” Akko immediately threw her roommate under the bus.

Diana’s glare tracked left, burning a hole into the back of Sucy’s head, before she turned back to Akko. “That’s… roughly what I suspected, really. Regardless, confessions of love spoken under the duress of Cupid venom should hardly be taken as a signifier of my desire to hug you while you are in such a state as you are presently.”

Akko’s brain whirred as she tried to catch up with Diana’s overly fancy, overly long sentence. Was this a signifier of something? The stories seemed divided on the way Diana spoke when she was feeling romantic or flustered. Ah well, she’d come this far. “So you’re saying you wouldn’t do it again?” Activate Backup Strategy Two: Puppy-dog eyes!

“Would I get myself infected by Cupid venom again?” Diana sniffed. “I certainly should hope not.”

Akko deflated.

Diana patted down her clothes, and gestured for the conjured hair dryer to return to Akko. “I appear to be mostly dried off now,” she said, narrowing her eyes slightly. “We still have some time left for your practice, so do try not to take too long.”

Diana walked away, returning to the rest of the group who had mostly turned to eating lunch. Everything had gone wrong. All of the finest ideas from the finest minds of the Diakko community had failed Akko in her hour of need. There was only one thing for it.

Akko needed to read more.

Evening rolled into night as Akko delved deeper into her new world. She made several very important discoveries along the way, such as the little detail of precisely what those G, T, M and E tags meant.

Turns out she did a lot more than just ride ponies in that one story.

Akko made the executive decision to not read any more stories in which she and Diana… did… those things. The rational part of her brain told her it was probably some kind of weird invasion of privacy or something. Or just wishful thinking. And realistically, trying to take any kind of “advice” from that would probably be getting a little ahead of herself, considering she hadn’t even got her Diakko Kisses yet.

But honestly? The main issue was that even reading a single paragraph of that stuff had turned her into a complete flustered mess, and her ability to think straight (heh) around Diana wasn’t great at the best of times, never mind with a brain filled with vivid descriptions of… that.

Akko decided it was time to take a break from reading the stories. There was the entire world of Little Witch Academia for her to explore. Maybe the show itself could give her ideas! Or maybe the creators had said something about how they got together! That’d be a surefire way, right?

An hour later, and her search had been fruitless but revealing. It turned out she and Diana didn’t get together in the show, but apparently her voice actress (and how did she sound so similar to Akko!?) thought they were a cute couple? And some of the animators had said so too? And she read on one Twitter post that the show’s creator had drawn a picture of the two of them cuddling!? She’d been trying to find that for the last twenty minutes, but this Yoh Yoshinari guy sure had a lot of drawings to his name, it was gonna be hard to fi-

That wasn’t cuddling!

THAT WASN’T CUDDLING AT ALL!

OK, well, technically it was kinda cuddling in a way but also definitely not cuddling!

Akko slammed her phone down in frustration. What kind of creator drew two characters doing the nasty but wouldn’t even let them kiss!?

Sure, it would have been really funny if it was anyone else’s life, but when it was Akko who had to be tormented by the fact that apparently the entire alternate reality internet thought she was sleeping with a girl who she couldn’t even get to kiss her in real life?

Akko returned to the Archive site with a sigh. All her efforts had been futile. Maybe this reality warping thing wasn’t going to be the answer to all of her woes.

She randomly clicked on the newest updated story. Probably wouldn’t be any use, but at least she could enjoy a bit of wish fulfilment.

Akko heaved something halfway between a groan and a sigh as she slumped back against the wall, broom in hand. Sadly, not the fun, flying kind. The unfun, sweeping-up-the-storage-room-because-detention kind.

I mean, she’d only broken reality a little bit! Maybe if the stupid spe-

Wait.

What!?

Akko kept reading. The story was a word for word recreation of her exact day yesterday. It even had all of her thought processes right!

What the hell was going on?

Akko jumped to the second chapter, skimming through as it explained how she’d formulated her plan this morning then completely botched her attempt to flirt with Diana. She skipped past the bit about finding all the dirty stories and images and- now she was just reading the very words she was thinking as they happened!

Akko’s eyes flicked down the page. Wait, there were only a couple of paragraphs to go! What!? No, stop! She needed to find out if she got her Diakko Kisses at the end!

She scrolled up to the top. The story was tagged as Diana/Akko! That was a good sign, right? Wait, there was another tag saying “What could possibly go wrong???” What could possibly go wrong!? Was she gonna mess this up?

Chapters: 2 / 3.

Where was the last chapter.

Where was the last damn chapter!?

The chapter was about to end and all she was doing was sitting here panicking. She needed to know if everything worked out! She needed to know if they kissed! She needed—

She needed to know if Diana actually did like her. She needed to know that she wasn’t just setting herself up to get hurt, like she did in all those “unrequited love” stories that she couldn’t bring herself to read. Or in her real life, where the only time Diana ever told her she loved her was cause she got stung by a stupid bee.

She just wanted to know if everything turned out OK.

She just wanted to not be scared of how much she loved Diana.

Where was that last bloody chapter!?

Chapter Text

Akko woke up, bleary-eyed once again, and her hand immediately snaked out to her phone. It was pretty much automatic by now, every day began with her going straight to Imaginations Through the Fourth Wall and refreshing a couple times.

It had been nearly a week and Akko was probably going to go insane if this kept up for any longer. She was already starting to have doubts about her own grip on reality. Was this alternate universe even real? Was it the real one? After the third day of frantic refreshing, she decided to take a look at the comments, and found a bunch of people cheering her on. Which was really sweet but also presented way too many questions for Akko’s brain to handle.

Did they even exist? Were they exclusively in that other reality, or did they have real counterparts over here in hers, who never knew that just a couple universes over they were cheering her on to get a girlfriend? Maybe she knew them. Maybe one of them was Lotte, or Barbara, or… 

Maybe one of them was her.

Did she exist in the other reality, or was she only an anime character there? Was this phone hers? Or just some random Little Witch Academia fan who was probably wondering why their Twitter feed had turned into a never ending stream of Amanda’s dumb jokes. Well, if they were an LWA fan, they’d probably be loving that. Wait.

Wait.

What if they tried messaging Diana.

Was that possible? Akko had no idea, she hadn’t tried interacting with the alternate reality within her phone yet. Knowing her luck, she’d cause something else to go horribly wrong, or jinx herself, or somehow get herself trapped in that alternate reality which would really suck if she was right and there was no Lotte or Sucy or Diana there.

Diana would have brought up if she’d received a weird message from Akko’s phone, wouldn’t she? Would she have even seen it? Diana wasn’t exactly the best with tech, and Akko had been meaning to teach her how phones worked, but right now she was blessing every lucky star she had, which was a lot, that Diana might not have seen any messages from an alternate reality from someone who really wanted her to be in love with Akko.

Akko refreshed the page again.

The ‘Next Chapter’ bubble appeared at the top.

Akko nearly dropped her phone again.

She’d never clicked on anything so fast in her entire life. The final chapter! It was here! She was finally gonna find out if she got her Diakko Kisses!

OK, skip past the bit where she thinks about reading the comments section. Blah blah possible breaking of reality blah who cares! She needed to keep skimming down, she needed to find—

A pillow smacked into her face.

“Get up,” Sucy said. “Lotte’s been pestering you for like ten minutes but you keep looking at your phone. We’re late to breakfast and I’m hungry. Move it.”

“B-but,” Akko stammered. She couldn’t believe she’d overslept on the morning the story finally got updated! All she needed was fifteen, maybe twenty minutes to read, but she had less than five before breakfast was served. And given the way Sucy was glaring daggers at her and Lotte was trying her best to look not too annoyed—Lotte body language for extreme rage— Akko knew she couldn’t leave it any longer.

At least she could just read it later, right?

The rest of Akko’s day was filled with fruitless attempts to read the story. She couldn’t read it in the cafeteria, not with Diana sitting so close and the danger of someone reading over her shoulder. She tried reading under her desk in class, but she got about five words in before she sensed Finnelan’s gaze and realised her life was in danger.

She couldn’t even slink off at lunch, since she was meant to be hanging out with the Green Team and she couldn’t even remember when she’d made that arrangement but Amanda was sure they’d all agreed to spend lunch break carrying parts for Constanze. And Akko only dropped the equipment once! Progress.

Akko spent the entirety of her last set of classes in an awkward, fidgeting mess. The temptation to check her phone was almost overwhelming, but it seemed like the universe itself was conspiring to stop her. First it was practicals with Lukic, where Akko definitely needed her hands free (and her eyes, to keep a lookout for Sucy Nonsense). Then a surprise in-class test with Badcock, which Akko was pretty sure she didn’t fail too badly.

Finally, she found her opportunity, flying class with Nelson. Akko’s flying had reached the point where she no longer needed constant supervision, so all she had to do was wait until they were told to disperse to do their practice drills, and boom! Reading time aplenty!

Which is why it was so infuriating that they were doing agility drills instead!

A bunch of quick, close turns in a row, all under Professor Nelson’s careful supervision. Nary a moment spare for Akko to find out what happened to her next! Knowing her luck she’d fall off her broom again. Maybe if she could read the story she’d know! But wait, if it was already written that she was gonna fall off, then there’d be nothing she could do to stop it. Wait, what if she could stop it? She could just go land on the platform and refuse to get off, and then the story would be wrong!

But what if that changed the story.

What if the story had Diakko Kisses at the end, and changing from the plan ruined everything! It was all so frustrating! What if this rambling thought was in the story!? Those commenters who’d been cheering her on, were they out there in that alternate reality, happily reading about her frustrations?

They better not be enjoying this.

They probably were.

Well she’d show them! Taking advantage of the momentary reprieve from the agility training, Akko fished her phone out of her pocket. She was gonna read ahead, and she was gonna defy everything she found there! See what happens when you try to mess with Akko Kagari’s fate!

A gust of wind blew past, and Akko immediately dropped her phone.

Roughly a hundred feet above the lake.

“Craaaaaaap!” Akko nosedived immediately, willing her broom faster as her phone plummeted at terminal velocity straight towards the water.

“Miss Kagari! What are you doing?” Professor Nelson called out in shock.

“Dropped my phooooooooooooone!” Akko yelled back, voice lost on the wind as she and her phone hurtled as one towards the lake’s surface.

Akko caught her phone.

Approximately zero seconds later, she was reacquainted with her newest friend, the Luna Nova lake.

Her phone wasn’t working.

After being fished out of the lake again, Akko had immediately checked to see if it would turn on, and it was completely inert (and somewhat damp) in her hands. Her connection to the alternate reality… gone. The knowledge of her Diakko Kisses To Be… gone.

…Is what she would say, if Okaa-san had raised a quitter!

Good ol’ rice trick. Never fails. Except all the times it does but this won’t be one of them!

A few months ago, she’d have been despairing about where to find rice in this school (seriously, a whole term with no rice how did white people survive!?), but thankfully the goblin cooks had her back once again. Seriously, she owed Jane a favour, she’d helped Akko sneak a tart a week ago, and now this? True friendship, right there.

And maybe Jane was a hopeless romantic and Akko had kinda maybe implied the bag of rice was part of something that was gonna help her ask a girl out, and no further questions had been asked which, really, they should have been, because how many zany love confessions involved a bag of rice, but then this was Akko and realistically a bag of rice wasn’t even in the top ten for weirdest things she’d considered as part of a love confession before now.

“I’m not sure what your plan is for the rice, but I’m sure Diana will love it. Good luck!” Jane called after her as Akko sprinted out of the kitchens with a bag of rice.

She hadn’t even mentioned it was for Diana! Was she that obvious? Maybe it was just the story filling in the important information for Jane. Yep, that was the only explanation. Clearly.

A few minutes later, and her phone was comfortably nestled in a bowl of rice. And now, she waited.

And waited.

How long did this trick take again? Akko couldn’t really remember. Couldn’t be more than ten or fifteen minutes, right? She reached into her pocket for her phone so she could Google how long it should— Crap!

Maybe her generation really was screwed without their phones, huh.

Her phone vibrated.

Akko nearly knocked the bowl over as she scrambled to fish it out of the rice.

Battery critically low! Please charge your phone!

What?

She always charged it! Just in case she got caught in this specific situation! Well maybe not the dropping phone into a lake part of the situation, but the needing to read chapter three so she could maybe find out of she got her kisses and maybe defy fate she hadn’t decided yet OK.

Akko ran over to her crystal ball, grabbing the charger connected to the port Constanze had modded into it and—

There was a frayed wire. The charging cable was broken.

How!? How had her charging cable got so badly damaged!? It must have happened overnight, which would explain why her phone was out of power now. And she didn’t have a spare cable! She was completely stuck! She was—

She

Was

Being messed with!

The author was messing with her!

It was the only possible explanation! There was no way that many things could go wrong in a row! Well, that many things going wrong in a row did happen to Akko a lot, but usually it was her own fault. No it wasn’t! Where had that thought come from? Was the author messing with her mind now!? When had that started?

Akko tried to think back through the last couple of weeks. Which decisions felt like they were out of character for her? She probably hadn’t even organised that hangout with Green Team, the author had just made that up on the spot! And as for that flirting disaster… OK, well, most of her efforts at flirting with Diana did usually turn out that badly. Probably can’t blame the author for that one. 

But she was gonna do it anyway!

“I know you’re there! Stop messing with me!” Akko shouted to her empty dorm room.

“…I’m sorry?” Diana said.

“Ack!” Akko fell off her bed, landing with a thump on the floor. “Diana! When did you get here?”

“I arrived right as you yelled at me,” Diana said, standing reservedly by the door.

“Oh- I wasn’t- I- uh-” Akko stammered. There was no possible way to explain what she was actually shouting at without looking completely insane. Or admitting to the existence of the parallel Diakko universe. Wait, no, this was the Diakko universe! This was the one where they were real and Akko could actually kiss Diana for real! That’d show ‘em!

“Hey Diana!” Akko started, scrambling back onto her bed.

“Yes?”

Akko looked up. Diana stared gently down at her, concern written softly on her features. Akko froze. “Uh, hi. What brings you to this neck of the woods?” Akko just about managed to force out. Damn it!

“I was concerned about you,” Diana admitted, moving a little closer. “You’ve been acting… strangely over the past week. You’ve been worrying your friends,” Diana continued. “They say you’ve been obsessed with your phone?”

“I, uh, I guess?” Akko said. Crap how was she meant to explain this one away? “I found a new hobby?”

“A new hobby.”

“Yeah?”

“One that causes you to look at your phone so obsessively that you tried to use it during flying class and dropped it into the lake?”

“…Maybe?”

“Akko.” Diana sighed. “Please just tell me the truth.”

“I am!” Akko said, and she wasn’t technically lying.

Diana didn’t buy it. “I understand you likely have your reasons for wanting privacy. Amanda suggested you might be pursuing a romantic interest that we are all unaware of. If that is the case, then you can be assured of my silence on the matter.”

“What!? No! That’s definitely not what I’m doing!” Akko laughed nervously and crap Diana could tell she was lying but she wasn’t lying in the way Diana thought she was and aw crap now Diana was gonna think she was trying to pursue someone else!

Diana sighed again. “Well, Akko, if you’re ever willing to tell me the truth, I would appreciate it. Until then, I wish you the best of luck in your romantic endeavours. I’m sure whichever lucky boy or girl you are texting is very happy.” Diana turned to leave.

“No! Diana that’s not- I-” Akko pulled at her hair in frustration. “I’m not dating anyone! I wish I was, but that’s the issue!” Akko clapped her hand over her mouth. Stupid brain!

“…Oh.” Diana turned back to Akko, an unreadable expression on her face. “So you’ve been looking up dating advice? Or perhaps advice on how to communicate your romantic intentions?”

“…The second one?” Akko admitted. “I guess that’s the best way to describe it?”

Diana moved closer again, hesitantly standing next to Akko’s bed. “Has the advice been of any use?”

Akko sighed. “Not really. I already tried out a couple of the suggestions and I just ended up looking like an idiot, as usual.”

“May I sit?” Diana asked. Akko nodded, shifting over a little to make space for Diana. Meanwhile her brain was going into full panic mode, this was not a safe conversation to be having while Diana sat so close to her! “I’m sure your situation is not unsalvageable, questionable Internet advice aside.” Diana chuckled. “I do sympathise, I often find myself paralysed by indecision when it comes to romantic matters.”

Akko’s eyes widened. “Really? I thought you were too cool and confident for that?”

Diana rolled her eyes. “Hardly. Truly, it’s your confidence I wish I had. If only I could declare my love as boldly as you declared yours for Shiny Chariot when first we met.” Diana smiled at the memory.

“I didn’t even know you were interested in anyone,” Akko said, trying not to get her hopes up too much. Would Diana notice if she started fidgeting? She needed something to do to stop herself from blurting out the truth.

“Precisely my point, Akko.” Diana sighed. “You claim to have made yourself look foolish, but I lack even the wherewithal to do that much. You may have been as yet unsuccessful in pursuing your romantic interest, but I have not even attempted in mine.”

“I guess that makes sense,” Akko said. “Why don’t you just tell her?”

“Why don’t you just tell her?” Diana countered. “Or him,” she corrected. “Or them.”

“You were right the first time,” Akko admitted. “And because… it’s hard. It… it scares me how much I like her. She means so much to me and I don’t know if I could handle it if I didn’t mean the same to her, y’know?”

“I understand,” Diana said with a gentle breath. “However, that fear is simply part of romance. Part of life. You can’t simply use some failsafe trick from the internet to avoid it.”

“You’re right.” Akko sighed again. “Thanks, Diana.”

“Think nothing of it, you would do the same for me,” Diana said. “Although, if I might offer one piece of advice?”

“Yeah?”

“Don’t overcomplicate matters,” Diana said. “Your life is exciting enough without needing to resort to elaborate romantic gestures.” Diana gave her a knowing smile.

Akko laughed, a soft giggle that eventually spilled over into a full on belly laugh, leaving her slumped against her poster. “How are you always so right?” Akko grinned, so full of warmth. Screw that alternate reality. Screw the story, screw that author messing with her, screw fate. Screw everything that wasn’t this moment, right now, with the girl she cared for so much. “Diana?”

“Yes, Akko?”

Akko took a deep breath. “It’s you.”

“Pardon?”

“The girl I like. The one I’m trying to ‘pursue romantically.’ It’s you. I like you.” Akko shut her eyes.

And was jolted from her reverie by Diana’s lips gently touching her cheek.

Akko’s eyes flew open, greeted by the sight of Diana so close to her, her own eyes gleaming as she moved away from Akko’s cheek.

“I- wuh?”

“I decided not to overcomplicate matters,” Diana said simply.

“You mean-?”

“It’s you.”

A grin slowly formed on Akko’s face. Small, at first, until it eventually threatened to split her cheeks from how happy she was. “It’s me? It’s me! And it’s you!”

“It is indeed.” Diana smiled back.

“And you kissed me!” Akko touched a hand to her cheek.

“I did, yes.” Diana acknowledged.

“Can I kiss you!?”

“Of cou- mmf!” Diana was cut off as Akko nearly threw herself at her, pressing her lips firmly to Diana’s. “Akko!”

“Sorry! Was that too eager?” Akko scuffled back, sheepishly.

“No, but only because I’ve been dying to have you do that for months,” Diana breathed out.

“Oh.” This conversation was doing things to Akko’s heart which she was pretty sure was about to hammer its way straight through her chest.

“Akko,” Diana started.

“Yeah?” Akko answered.

“May I kiss you again?”

Akko nodded furiously. “Yeah! Yep, yes, any time you wa- mmf!” Akko was silenced by Diana leaning over and softly pressing her lips to Akko’s own. Her eyes slid shut, melting into the sensation of the kiss. The feeling of Diana’s arm sliding around the back of her neck. The feeling of balling her hands in Diana’s shirt and pulling her closer. Of kissing her deeper. Of knowing that Diana did like her back and she wasn’t going to get hurt and was actually going to be so so happy for so so long and, gosh it felt like she was floating.

In the end, it really was better than all those stories had described it.

A faint light lit the Blue Dorm. All was quiet save for the faint clicking of keys.

Diana Cavendish looked up from her keyboard. “Oh, you’re still here?”

She tracked her mouse over to the Upload Chapter button.

“Try not to think about it too much.” Diana clicked with a wry smile.