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“Oh, hey! I've been looking for you! Here, I have something for you.”
“Oh, hi Solomon!” I gratefully accept his gift (because turning down a gift from a sorcerer seems like a one-way ticket to spending eternity as a frog), and examine the wire-rimmed glasses. They look old, of course, and my fingers tingle wherever they're touching the lenses, so I have to assume they're enchanted, too. “They're lovely! Thank you! But… I don't wear glasses, so maybe someone else could get more use out of them? Diavolo, maybe? Or Lucifer?”
I've caught Lucifer wearing his reading glasses exactly twice, and both times, he promised me an eternity of the most unthinkable tortures if I ever told any of his brothers he needs them.
Solomon just laughs. “If they were reading glasses, sure! But these aren't for reading. They're an old pair of mine, and they let you see the thoughts of any demon you touch. Their magic is waning, though, so they only work for a few seconds at a time. They probably only have a half-dozen uses left, at best. They're not much use to me like that, but I thought you might get a kick out of them.” His smile is somehow perfectly genuine and downright devious at the exact same time. “Let me know how it goes, ok?”
“Uhh… yeah, ok! Definitely!”
“Oh, one more thing - don't use them on Lucifer,” he chuckles. “He hates it when people try to read his mind.”
The warning does nothing but guarantee that I will absolutely, positively, 100% try to use them on Lucifer.
“No problem! Thanks, Solomon!”
I slip the glasses on as he walks away, and stare intently at his retreating back.
Everything looks exactly the same. (Though a little blurry.) But hey, he specifically said ‘demons', right? I grab the bony arm of a lesser demon as he scuttles past me in the hallway.
“Hey! What's the big idea, human?!”
I see a bubble. A black and white, cartoon thought-bubble, that manifests over his head.
EEEP! That can't be… is that Lucifer's sigil?! This can't be THE human, can it?!
The demon panics, and tries to slither out of my grasp without actually touching me.
“Let me go, you scum-sucking mortal!”
MASTER LUCIFER I NEVER TOUCHED IT I SWEAR PLEASE DON'T KILL ME
“If… if you don't let go this instant, I’ll… I'll tear your lips off with my teeth!”
NO I WON'T I PROMISE I JUST WANT TO GET TO MY HISTORY CLASS WHY WON'T IT LET GO OF MY ARM
I let him go, and the demon twice trips over his own feet as he bolts off down the hall.
…
……
Neato.
Ok, well, there’s still an hour before my first class, which means the brothers should all be in the dining hall having breakfast.
I'm suddenly feeling a bit peckish myself, and descend the two flights to join them. I can hear their early morning banter before I even open the door.
“…does wonders for my…”
“…comes out in the morning, so I'm gonna…”
“…salty to you, does it?”
“…he thinks he is, if he expects me to…”
There's five of them here. Belphie is missing (slept through breakfast, as always), and so is Lucifer. Five out of seven isn't bad, though. Humming nonchalantly, I fill up my plate (with odds and ends, since being even thirty seconds late means that Beel has already devoured everything good), and set it on the table.
I don’t sit down, though. Solomon said these glasses don't have much magic left, and I've already decided how I want to burn out the last of it. I want to know what they're thinking – what they're really thinking – whenever I kiss them. Selfish? Absolutely. But I live with demons. I'm allowed to be selfish, once in a while.
I slip up beside the demon who's sitting next to my chair, and kiss him on the cheek. “Morning, Satan.”
“Oh! Good morning, you,” he smiles.
Why did she kiss me? She never kisses us at breakfast. Could something be wrong? Have I missed something important?
“How are you feeling this morning? Is everything alright?”
If I am appropriately sympathetic, maybe she'll… maybe she'll kiss me again.
“Everything's fine,” I chuckle, as I grant his unspoken wish and kiss him again, on the forehead, then break contact to let him eat the rest of his breakfast. “Thanks for asking.”
I round the table, to the spot where Levi is devouring his cockatrice omelette with one hand whilst furiously texting with the other, and kiss him. “Morning, Levi.”
“Huh?! Oh… oh man! What are you…?!’
DID SHE JUST KISS ME WHY WOULD SHE DO THAT WHAT DO I DO WHAT DO I DO WHAT DO I DO WHAT DO I DO WHAT DO I DO
…Is he hyperventilating?
It only takes about three seconds before his though-bubble looks like it's narrating the wail of an air raid siren.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
Ok, that's… that's kinda cute. I rustle his hair, leave him to enjoy his panic attack in peace, and move down the table. “Morning, Beel.” I kiss him on the forehead. “How's breakfast?”
“It's great!”
It's great!
“Satan always makes the best meals.”
Satan always makes the best meals.
“And he even made extra rolls for me!”
And he even made extra rolls for me!
I smile. The fact that Beelzebub literally thinks what he says and says what he thinks isn't exactly a mind-blowing revelation. Just as I'm about to move on, though, he adds:
“Do you want the last bite of my eggs?”
Do you want the last bite of my eggs? I saved it for you because I love you.
…Oh, Beel. You friggen sweetheart. “Yes, please. They look delicious.”
“Ok.”
He’s downright beaming as he spoon feeds me the last of his breakfast, and I'm not gonna lie, I'm beaming right along with him.
“Hey hey hey! Knock off that lovey-dovey garbage, Beel! I'm tryin' to eat here!”
Oh, Mammon. You sweet, dumbass idiot. I scooch around the table and kiss his cheek.
“HEY! What… what do ya think you're doin'?!”
What the hell am I sayin?! She's kissin' me! This is the perfect time! Say it! Say it SAY IT SAY IT TELL HER YA LOVE HER ALREADY
“You got any idea how long it takes to get the smell of human outta my hair when ya kiss me like that?!”
No! That ain't what I meant!
“Shoo! You ain't even sittin' over here, stupid!”
...
…Aw, damn it.
I'd…
I'd fall outta the clouds all over again for you.
I let him go before I start bawling my damn eyes out at the breakfast table, and don't even have time to turn around before Asmo pulls me into his lap.
“My turn!” He kisses me (quite enthusiastically, I might add), which isn't exactly what I had in mind, but still does the trick.
…Huh.
His though-bubble is different than all the rest. He must be one of those people who doesn't have an inner monologue. It's not words, just pictures – like watching a silent movie.
…A dirty silent movie.
I'm actually a little flattered that he thinks I'm that flexible.
He keeps kissing me, and…
Aaaaaand now I watching porn. Check that – now I'm starring in porn. Graphic porn. XXX-rated po- OH GOOD GOD, ASMO! My eyes! MY EYES!
QUICK, SOMEONE BLEACH MY EYES!
I’m furiously blushing by the time I pry myself out of his arms, and bolt out of the room before anyone can call me on it. I take a few seconds to shake the smut out of my brain (and briefly consider taking a shower), before going off to find Lucifer.
He's always the first one up, so if he wasn't having breakfast, he must already be working.
I knock on his study door.
“Mammon, for the last time, no.” (Wonder what he did this time?) “Now go away. I'm busy.”
“It's me.”
“Oh. Come in, then.”
Don't mind if I do. I quickly come up with a ‘plan', then let myself in. Since this is Lucifer we're talking about, and he'll be onto me the second I open my stupid mouth, I'm gonna risk life and limb by denying him the opportunity to ruin my fun.
I ignore his “Good morning,” walk straight around his desk and kiss him on the cheek.
…
……
…and nothing happens.
Well, sure, he looks a little surprised, but nothing magical happens. I don't see any cartoon though-bubble, just a confused, slightly blurry demon who looks like he's starting to regret inviting me in.
Is he just… not thinking anything at all? Or have my glasses run out of magic?
“They haven't quite run out yet, no.”
Ok, well that's good, but it still doesn't explain why I'm not
Wait, how did he-
“My study is well guarded against such trinkets,” he chuckles, as he begins tugging off his gloves, one finger at a time. “You wouldn't believe how many cursed items Satan's tried to sneak through my door.”
(I would, actually.)
So they don't work in here, eh? Fine, ok, but that still leaves the question of how the hell he managed to
It suddenly dawns on me that he isn't making eye contact. Instead, he's watching the empty space above my head, where-
OH NO! ABORT, ABORT! THE DAMN BUBBLE’S OVER MY HEAD, NOW!
DAMN YOU, SOLOMON, YOU TREACHEROUS ASS!
“So… you'd like to know what I think about when you kiss me, would you?”
HEY NO FAIR, THAT’S NOT EVEN WHAT I WAS THINKING ABOUT
“Well, well… We've known each other long enough by now that it would be my pleasure to let you in on the secret,” he smirks, as he pushes himself away from his desk…
“I don't care to tell you, though. I think I'd rather show you, so you can… properly appreciate it.”
…and locks the study door.
He flashes me a smile so charming, one that doesn't at all match the dark, sadistic fire smouldering in his eyes, that it makes my blood run cold.
“Considering how fragile humans are, though... you're going to need a safe word, first.”