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Hildegarde gripped the railing of the balcony as she looked up at the crescent moon. The recent sequence of events she had gone through was still on her mind. She had nearly met her parents, and it was her own decisions that led to it not happening. After all of the work Euden and the others had done for her, telling them she had decided not to pursue the meeting felt disrespectful to their time. Of course Hildegarde had no regrets about turning her efforts to helping those children instead, only that she hadn’t started with that idea.
“You seem lost within your own thoughts,” Akasha commented. She walked out onto the balcony, taking a spot next to Hildegarde. Despite Akasha’s affiliation with the Church of All rather than the Ilian Church she was a good friend to Hildegarde. They could both look up at the same moon together.
“Yes, I have had much to contemplate with my own actions,” Hildegarde said. Akasha already knew what had happened, so it didn’t need retelling. “I do think I’ve come to understand myself better at the very least. What I wanted was to be found, not to find. In many ways that’s a selfish want. But I’ve also started to think that if I could find my parents, then surely they could have returned for me by now if they desired so. If I go to confront them my dream will become impossible, but what if it never will be fulfilled? Is it truly right to cling to a dream while denying myself knowledge of if it is even possible? Or am I merely overcomplicating things?”
“Your reasoning is logical to me. Normally I find there to be little distinction between being found and finding, but in your case it is a vast chasm that divides them. Obscuring the truth is a heinous crime, especially to a child who lacks the means to seek veracity. Yet a liar can only be punished if their lie is exposed, not when the possibility of them telling the truth still exists.”
“If they did lie to me I will never be able to forgive them. But at the very least, I want to know why it took them so long. I want to know why I was left at that orphanage.”
“Instead of asking that, you should instead consider what there is to gain from that knowledge,” Heinwald said. He stepped out of the shadows and onto the moonlit balcony. Akasha exchanged a look with him, and Heinwald stood at Hildegarde’s side. It was difficult for anyone in the Halidom to gauge the type of relationship that Heinwald and Akasha had. They seemed antagonistic to each other, but in some ways it also seemed like a game to them.
“May I ask what you mean?” Hildegarde asked.
“To mindlessly seek knowledge without considering the implications is mere foolishness. If there is nothing to be gained from solving a riddle, then it is simply not worth solving. Some questions should not be answered,” Heinwald said. “At this point it hardly matters why your parents abandoned you. You are a grown woman with responsibilities of your own now.” Hildegarde thought over his words. Heinwald was a famed detective, it felt strange to hear him extol the value of an unanswered question. And for that reason Hildegarde found it all the more convincing. While she thought over her response, Akasha chimed in.
“Yet there is a joy that comes with acquiring more knowledge, whether significant or of little import, even at a great cost. A riddle with no answer is meaningless, it requires an answer to be given meaning. Surely you are no stranger to the satisfaction of a solved riddle Heinwald?” Akasha asked.
“Meaning is not dependent on knowing. There is more to consider than one’s own curiosity.”
“And yet it is precisely that which serves as a detective’s guiding star,” Akasha said
“I think there is still meaning to what I’ve done,” Hildegarde said, “even if I did turn away from learning the truth about my parents, even if that long held dream of mine never comes true. At least now waiting for them is a choice that I made of my own will. Having that choice matters more to me than what the result of that choice is. And just because I’m waiting for them doesn’t mean I can’t do other things. I’m no longer restrained by my own expectations like I was before I came here. Thank you for listening to my thoughts, hearing your words were helpful,” Hildegarde said.
“It pleases me that you’ve found your answer, though it is different from mine. Now I shall retire for the night, it is rather late after all,” Akasha said. Heinwald watched her leave and remained for a short while longer, then left on his own. Hildegarde stayed out on the balcony, gazing up at the moon. As a child she had no friends to confide to, now at the Halidom she could speak about what troubled her. She offered up a prayer before heading back to her own room.
“Thank you for guiding me here Ilia. I will not let this go to waste.”