Work Text:
October 2020, Beijing
“I take it you approve of the choreography, Ge?”
Yibo was peering at a small oval wiped into the steamed-up bathroom mirror, examining a red welt on his neck just below his Adam’s apple. And then another, on his shoulder, and there, on his chest...
He shivered a bit as he felt Xiao Zhan wrap himself around him from behind, cool and wet -- and then pleasantly warm -- from the shower.
“I am positive I didn’t say I approved. I only said that I liked it,” he breathed into Yibo’s ear.
Yibo preened, thinking about how he’d previewed his upcoming dance routine for Xiao Zhan earlier in the night. “I don’t think you said, actually.”
“Oh, was I unclear on what I thought of your dancing? To a song about getting naked?” Xiao Zhan traced a damp finger across Yibo’s torso like an obscene dot-to-dot, down and across and down and down and…
Yibo spun around, raising his arms up to drape them around Xiao Zhan’s neck, but he dodged away with a playful laugh, leaving Yibo’s arms suspended, curled around nothing but air.
“Sorry, Lao Wang -- I’ve got a plane to catch,” he called from the bedroom. “But hold that thought -- maybe you can channel some of that frustrated energy into your performance?”
“Tease.” Yibo dropped his hands with a dramatic sigh. “I wish you could be there.”
“I know. But…” And then it was Xiao Zhan’s turn to sigh. “It’s - it’s just not time yet. And I’m filming, so...”
“Ge, it’s been over ten months since we shared a stage. People are getting tired of me reusing the same old promotional photos from our joint appearances.”
Xiao Zhan strolled back into the bathroom and threw a towel at Yibo’s face. “That’s a you problem. Just stop being so stubborn.”
“Never.”
His eyes fell to the mark at Yibo’s throat. He caressed it with his thumb. “Sorry I uh… got a little carried away…”
“I like it.”
“Don’t forget to use coverup tomorrow.”
Yibo smirked. “I said I like it.”
“You ridiculous boy.”
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On the plane to Hangzhou the next day, Yibo was still feeling moody about Xiao Zhan’s decision not to accept the invitation to participate in the Double 11 Shopping Festival broadcast.
For the first few months after 227, he’d understood why Xiao Zhan declined so many invitations -- he knew that even rumors of Xiao Zhan being part of a project attracted attention from antis, and Xiao Zhan didn’t want his friends and business partners to get drawn into controversy.
But now it had been over eight months of nonsense, and Yibo was getting impatient for it to end. For Xiao Zhan to be able to get past the bullying that had been holding him back. Part of him wanted Xiao Zhan to say fuck it and just be everywhere at once, with new ads, new dramas, new appearances, new recordings, new everything, just to make it impossible for antis to mobilize against it all.
He knew, though, that the last thing Xiao Zhan wanted was the chaos of a big, splashy comeback.
“I don’t need or want to be everywhere,” he’d told Yibo. “I am already doing what I want to do. I’m acting, I’m singing, I’m getting a chance to make a difference through some charitable projects. And -- I’ve had more time to spend with you.”
“I know -- but don’t you miss having more freedom to pick drama roles, being able to sing in front of a live audience again… being able to do the variety shows?” To appear on shows with me again, he hoped.
Xiao Zhan had shrugged, unconcerned. “That used to frustrate me. But now that I’m back at work, I’m not that worried anymore. I’ll get there. And do I really want it to be as crazy as it was last year?”
Last year.
Yibo knew it was selfish to want Xiao Zhan to be at Double 11 with him when he didn’t feel ready, but he was still itching to fix what had gone wrong last year.
November 2019, Changsha
Ooh, don't we look good together?
There's a reason why they watch all night long
Yeah, know we'll turn heads forever
So tonight I'm gonna show you off
Yibo had chosen Bruno Mars’ song Finesse for his dance performance for these lines.
He and Xiao Zhan had appeared at their last A-Ling fanmeet just the week before, and Yibo knew that with the end of the official promotion period, they probably wouldn’t be sharing a stage again for a long time. At least that’s how it had been for the past CPs for BL dramas.
So Yibo wanted to take advantage of the fact that he would be one of the emcees for the Double 11 broadcast, and would have a chance to show Xiao Zhan off -- to introduce him to millions of of viewers the way that Xiao Zhan had introduced Yibo at every fanmeet when they appeared on stage together to sing Wuji.
Even better, he would be introducing a performance that Xiao Zhan had chosen to do just for him, a song about young love surviving obstacles and enduring forever.
Feng-ge noticed the song on the call sheet and couldn’t help teasing Yibo about it.
“He’s going to sing Stefanie Sun’s Best Days of My Youth? Oh my. Is that song for you?”
Yibo beamed and nodded. “Yeah, it’s for me.”
Feng-ge leaned back and laughed. “Wow.”
But Yibo never got to do his introduction.
After Yibo had finished his performance, he went to where his microphone was supposed to be waiting for him and found nothing but an empty stand. Confused, he walked across the stage to find another microphone.
Nothing.
Desperation set in as he looked in vain for a staffer -- any staffer -- who could hand him a live mic. The seconds ticking by felt like an eternity -- there was no sound worse to an emcee than dead air, and Yibo was palpably aware of the audience confusion he was causing by pacing the stage looking for a microphone that wasn’t there.
Across the crowd, he could see Xiao Zhan waiting, unlit, in his place on the other side of the stage, waiting for Yibo to make his introduction. Yibo knew from the way he was standing that he had figured out, along with the rest of the audience, that something had gone wrong.
I’m so sorry, baobao.
He felt hot tears pricking his eyes when, at last, Han-ge’s voice came over the sound system, introducing Xiao Zhan’s performance. With a heavy chest, Yibo made his way back towards his seat with his TTXS brothers, his composure hanging by a single thread that almost snapped when he heard Xiao Zhan’s voice, wavering and tentative in the first notes of his song.
Oh god I let him down. He wanted this too.
“Will you stop saying you let me down?
The broadcast finally over, they were winding down in a private dining room with Yibo’s TTXS brothers. Xiao Zhan took Yibo’s hand.
“I know you really wanted to do the introduction. And yeah, I would have loved to hear you say my name from the stage. But it’s fine. We got time together, and that’s what’s important. If you wanted a loud statement from the stage, tying us together, your co-hosts made sure of that.” He laughed, inclining his head down the table at Yibo’s HunanTV family, all doing a bad job of pretending not to be listening in on their conversation.
“Sure -- they cued you to make a bunch of cute gestures my way, and yes, you sang the Stefanie Sun song for me, but it wasn’t me up there, introducing you as my good friend, making sure people knew we’re still… together, even if we’re not promoting A-Ling anymore.” He looked down at their hands. “I just… I just don’t know when I’m going to get that chance again, to make a statement like that from a stage for everyone to see.”
“You will.”
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October 2020, Changzhou
XZ: Please please promise me you will not be grabbing a whole handful on national TV tonight
Yibo: No handfuls
Yibo: That one was just for you
XZ: Ha! Just me and the millions of people who saw your rehearsal video
XZ: Including our mothers
Yibo: If they’d only given me that mic last year
XZ: Who are you kidding
XZ: You’d do this anyway
Yibo: Probably
Yibo: Will you be able to watch?
XZ: I’ll ask for a break if I need to
XZ: Gotta go
XZ: Jiayou!
Yibo: Oh my god WHY
Xiao Zhan laughed and shook his head.
Ever since Xiao Zhan’s world blew up, it seemed like every time Yibo was in front of a camera, he was doing something to cue Xiao Zhan, like he felt he needed to speak loudly enough for the two of them. Necklaces, shared clothing, coded words, kadian … whatever Yibo thought he could get away with.
He didn’t want Yibo to get himself into trouble being too obvious (his whole Street Dance of China team wearing the fluffy bunny hat he once wore? Backup dancers dressed like Wei Wuxian?). But he also had to admit it felt good to be acknowledged from the stage, to feel the love at a time when he was still a hard person to embrace in public.
Yibo. The brightest star in my night sky.
When Yibo’s call time approached, Xiao Zhan retreated to a quiet corner of his set and took out his phone to watch.
As the opening notes of Versace on the Floor played, the camera focused on Yibo, his back to the audience. Seeing Yibo in an all-white suit inevitably made Xiao Zhan think of a modern Lan Wangji (although he knew he couldn’t tell Yibo that). But all thoughts of Lan Zhan evaporated the moment Yibo turned around and began to move in a way that was unmistakably Yibo.
His breath caught as he watched Yibo mime the lyrics, “we’re dancing all alone,” and his arms reached up high, his chin angled up in just the way he did when they embraced for a kiss. Oh. That’s me he’s holding.
Xiao Zhan felt both envy and pride as he took in the way Yibo’s body slid seamlessly from crisp, electric movements to effortlessly sensual ones. He couldn’t get his own body to move like that, but he could feel his lips quirking up at the thought that the person that literally millions of people were coveting at that very moment had been laid out gasping beneath him just a couple of days before. Mine.
It wasn’t until the end of the performance, after Yibo had pulled off his white jacket and tossed it, that Xiao Zhan noticed the shirt. A silky white shirt like many others, but what caught Xiao Zhan’s eye was the way Yibo had added a white tie, knotted loosely around the collar to look just like the shirt Xiao Zhan had worn in his Roseonly ads.
Xiao Zhan felt the warmth rising in his chest. Always looking for ways to stay connected.
When stolen hours every couple of weeks were sometimes all they could get, these little signals, the public displays of “I’m thinking of you,” helped to bridge that distance and sustain them until they could meet again.
Yibo: Did you watch?
XZ: Oh yeah
Yibo: What did you think? Was I handsome?
XZ: So handsome
Yibo: Not as handsome as Zhan-ge
XZ: Don’t lie, Lao Wang
Yibo: I never lie
XZ: And oh
Yibo: What
XZ: I get the mic next time