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"Is this happening? I mean I see it, but this is just...wow."
"Took the words right out of my freakin' mouth, Ash."
Josh fixed Chris and Ashley a look as if they were discussing something mundane like the weather. "Guys. I'm merely taking it upon myself, as a good citizen of the U.S. of A, to protect myself from the deadly Conora virus."
"Corona," Ashley corrected, battling between staring at Josh and his ridiculous outfit and burying her nose back into Eight White Nights by Andre Aciman.
"Right." Josh shifted in his chair to look to Sam who sat across from him. The movement caused the yellow hazmat suit he was wearing to give off a rubber-y noise. "Sam, you're a reasonable gal, a fair dame, a damsel of strength and virtue and all that good shit. Do you think it ludicrous of me to protect myself and my friends by wearing this suit?"
Sam wondered again why she assumed Josh wouldn't take this social distancing thing too far. She also wondered why she thought she was going to have a normal lunch with her friends now that some of the buildings were opening up. Well, okay, Josh always took most things too far. For her birthday last year, Josh dressed as a mime, eerily silent and mimicking her every movement which amused and creeped out Sam to a fault. And when the good old holiday season came around, he dressed up as Santa and, honest to God, found a way to drop down from the chimney of the Washington Lodge into the living room. Josh was always the definition of petty and, interestingly enough, it was what drew Sam into his world.
But this? Dressed up in a yellow hasmat suit looking like he should belong in a power plant rather than the inside of a mall? Bewilderment wasn't even a word to describe how Sam felt.
"Josh," she sighed, pushing away her Panera salad. She looked at him once more in his hazmat suit and snorted. "Josh, Josh, Josh." She shook her head side to side. "You are a lot of things. You're impulsive, a little arrogant, and really, really pretentious. But this... " She waved her arm over him. "Oh, this is just beyond words."
"Why, thank you," Josh said, leaning back in his chair and tilting in his chair.
Ashley psshed and said, "Yeah, I don't think that was a compliment." She turned a page.
Josh crossed his arms, the squeak that accompanied the movement causing Chris to snort as he cruised through his phone. "Oh, I'm sorry Ash. Are you perhaps jealous that I'm defined by more words than you are? I mean, hey, I wouldn't blame you sister. If I was stuck with three labels, I'd be weary too."
"What? Labels? What are you talking about you dip?"
"Chris? What are the labels that Ashley is stuck with?"
Chris stroked his imaginary goatee and put on a stuffy Cambridge professor accent, which made Sam groan onto the tabletop. "Well, dear old boy, our young reader here is somewhat of a, mmmmmm, academic."
"Indeed," Josh said.
"We're getting off topic," Sam sang in a singsong, swirling her Iced Tea.
Chris continued in his accent as an unamused Ashley stared at him with a bored, blank expression. "One could say that Ashley is a little inquisitive, wouldn't you say old chaps? Asking life's profound questions and what not?"
"This accent is terrible," Sam said before taking a sip. "And are we really straying from the fact that Josh is dressed like a ghostbuster?"
Ashley crossed her arms defiantly and lifted her chin. "There's nothing wrong with asking questions. Maybe if you did that more in your senior year of English, you would've gotten at least a B."
"Ooooooh!" Josh mused.
"Got him," Sam said, giving Ashley a high five.
Chris covered his heart with his hand, making his voice deliberately quiver. "Wow. Just reduce the little self esteem why don't you, Ash."
Ashley only responded with a smile and shrugged her shoulders. "Just sayin'." She picked up her book again.
"Excuse me? Hello?" Sam interjected, waving her hand around. "Can we get back to Josh. Because personally I'd like to know why he's dressed in this outfit."
Josh sighed inside his suit, which sounded like a mask emitting gas. "Sammy. Millions of people have died because of this pandemic. Would you wanna lose yours truly to this God awful virus?"
Sam looked him up and down and tapped her cheek. She then stabbed at her salad, making sure to get a tomato in and chewed. "Yeah. Gonna have to plead the fifth on this one."
"I second that," Ashley said.
"Wow." Josh scrutinize both girls. "Some friends. At least my buddy Chris will miss me when I die. He's a real one."
"Yeah, bro." Without looking up from his phone, Chris pounded Josh's fist. "Ride or die right here."
"Yeah, man."
"My number one homie in this beyotch."
"True that."
"My right hand man, my main compadre."
"Preach."
Chris wasn't stopping. "The peanut butter to my jelly."
"The salt to my cracker," Josh said, slinging his arm around Chris's shoulder.
"The beef to my stew."
"The sloppy to my Joe."
"The wind beneath my...ow!" Chris was interrupted by a fry to the face from Ashley.
"Also known as the proverbial pain in our butts," Ashley said with a smile. Sam snickered.
Chris swiped the fry sticking to his cheek and ate it. "Could use more ketchup."
Ashley lifted her mini cup filled with ketchup and acted as though she was about to throw it.
"Not that much!" Chris held up his hands in defense causing Ashley to giggle. "I'm good. I'm cool."
The group finished their lunch as people stopped and stared. Sam could only shrug and give them a Yeah, I hang out with these weirdos look. But it was the good kind of weird, the kind that made Sam feel like a part of something bigger. Not powerful, but something deeply human. The feeling was similar to waking up early on a camping trip and witnessing the sun poke its fiery head over the horizon, igniting the sky and turning it into hues of pink and orange, the colors making her feel refreshed and renewed. Sam admired Ashley's ability to dive into a separate world when reading, her hesitant nature that she found adorkable. And Chris? Sam, though deeply annoyed by his corny dad jokes, wouldn't trade him for anyone else.
But mostly, the feeling of being with Josh Washington was like no other. She was used to his presence, his antics, but the way he bore into her with his Chrysoprase green eyes, it was like he was prying away her layers and looking into her heart. If only she could run her hands through his chocolate brown hair and have his voice, like warm honey, speak into her ear as he held her. Ugh! So girly to think about. But it was the truth.
"Oh crap! What time is it?" Ashley said, nearly knocking her chair over as she stood up.
"Five thirty," Sam answered. "Why?" She tossed the empty container of her salad into the trash.
"You guys promised me we'd check out the new bookstore downtown."
Josh and Chris groaned, their combined voices mimicking drone engines.
"Hey, you two could use some book-smarts," Sam said coming between them and nudging them both with her elbows. "Actually, any education will do."
"Yes," Josh said, clearing his throat. "Before we go on that exciting endeavor, I am faced with a dilemma."
"What is it?" Chris said. His arm was being pulled by Ashley and he struggled to keep his balance.
"Well. It just so happens that my way of protecting myself with this hasmat suit..."
"Which makes you look like a glorified Telly Tubby," Sam said, lifting her finger.
Josh clicked his tongue. "Which makes me look like a glorified Telly Tubby. Well, it seems that I'm, well, stuck."
"No you're not," Ashley said, pulling his arm along with Chris's. "Stop faking."
Cooly, Josh planted his hands on his hips. "Sadly, I'm not. And it just so happens that I need to use the little boy's room." He scanned his friends faces. "So. If anyone's willing to help me out of this I'd..."
Sam was amazed at how fast Chris and Ashley booked it. The red head flailed her arms, clutching her book to her chest while Chris nearly crashed into a kiosk.
"Wow," Sam mused, patting Josh's back. "True friends right there."
"Honestly, I don't know how I put up with them."
"I don't know how they put up with you."
Josh fixed her one of his signature "charming" looks, raising his eyebrow and smirking. "So. Giddings. Gonna help me out of this thing?"
"Ooooh. Well. You know I would but.." she raised herself on her tip toes and whispered in his ear. "Wouldn't want you to get sick. Six feet and all." Sam walked away, following Chris and Ashley. She turned around and walked backwards.
"Wow. So you're really not going to help me?" Josh said, extending his arms. "That's cold, Sammy. Ice cold, baby."
Sam only smiled as she heard Josh behind her asking mall security for a favor.