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It was cold. Frighteningly cold that Kei finally found the energy to open his eyes.
But his eyes met empty space. There was nothing left beside him except wrinkles on the starry bed sheet. He groaned as he turned his head away from the center, his fingers reaching for his glasses and the phone right below fumbling a little. He was yet to be fully awake, although the time was already half past noon. No notifications on the lock screen, but that was nothing new. And the silence in the morning -- was it really morning though -- had become a longtime friend Kei welcomed with open arms. He did not want to admit that he was lonely when Hinata was gone.
Still unwilling to leave the bed, he rolled to the other half, face in Hinata’s pillow regretting his impulsive decision as his glasses pressed deeper into his face. It was cold. But not as cold as before. He must have left early , Kei concluded. He took in a deep breath, getting a fading whiff of citrus, and then he let it leave his lungs. Upon the self-realization of his recent action, his arms abruptly pushed his weight upwards away from the temptations that exposed his unmistakable longing for its owner. That push had given him enough reason to finally escape before he had to realize just how deeply he yearned for Hinata.
The rest of the apartment felt no different to the bedroom. He had no strong opinions towards the vast empty space, though it was definitely too big even for a person as tall as him. However, Hinata loved the place the most when the two had gone apartment hunting, and so he complied. Akaashi had once told him about how Bokuto was a star, but no star could compare to Hinata at the very moment after Kei suggested renting this apartment. He was the sun. The biggest and brightest star he had ever been shone on. It was only a matter of hours before the place was theirs. Except he stayed here more than the person who wanted to be here the most.
Kei deduced that Hinata had rushed out in a hurry given the lack of pots and pans on the stove. It wasn’t like he looked forward to the surprisingly delicious creations that came with the mornings Hinata was home. He was just by no means a chef, and thus the lack of homemade breakfast meant the typical cup of instant coffee. As he began to hum a baseless tune, his fingers reached for the plastic handle of the metallic kettle sitting on the countertop right beside the stove, quickly latching on as he walked towards the sink. Upon filling with plenty of water leftover, he orbited back and placed the kettle on the nearest burner, twisting the knob to maximum heat. Drifting to the dining table, he plopped down in the closest seat, his arms on the table, his head snug in his palms. The silence was comfortable, he convinced himself, his eyes slowly closing shut waiting for the cries of the kettle.
Kei was in midpour when he heard the door latch unlock, followed by the sound of the door burst open and a loud “I’m home!” Placing the kettle back down, he then noticed a ball of orange appear in the hallway. Hinata was never home this early nor home in general on such days.
“Welcome home?” The words felt strange off his tongue. Did he ever have the chance to say them before?
“Ah, sorry. I was in a rush, so I didn’t have time to make you breakfast. Is that instant coffee?”
Kei nodded, taking the kettle hand back into his hand, pouring the remaining necessary amount in his sun mug. He then put the kettle back down, feeling a hand on top of his own. Hinata, too quick on his feet, had come up right next to him, assessing the area around them.
“Please tell me that wasn’t all you were planning on having. Go sit down, I’ll make you breakfast now.” Kei found himself being whisked away back to the dining table before getting any chance to speak up. There was never a chance afterwards, because he shut up with an unexpected smile. Hinata had pushed him into one of the seats and placed his mug beside him before returning to the kitchen area. Kei took a sip of his coffee, not fully aware of how his eyes were following Hinata’s every move. He was still in shock with how much the older man had grown since their teenage years. Of course, he was still the taller of the two, but Hinata was more built than Kei could ever be. He welcomed every new aspect from their slightly lower height difference to how at ease he would be in Hinata’s embrace. If only both of them knew just how much he wished to be back in Hinata’s arms.
“Here, eat.” In front of him laid a plate of omurice in a thick tomato-based sauce. Hinata handed him a metal spoon, ushering to dig in before sitting right across from him. He then put together a balanced spoonful of the fried rice, creamy egg, and sauce, bringing the bite up to his mouth. It was lovely, similar to its creator, opening his taste buds to bursts of flavor. Kei took several more bites savoring each one, for who knows as to when he would be able to have this again.
“So, I assume you like it?”
Kei nodded, continuing to consume the dish in hidden bliss. After a few more bites, he remembered that he had forgotten something, holding the spoon in place.
“You aren’t usually home this early. Normally, you’d be gone for days with only volleyball in that head of yours.” The irritated look that soon appeared on Hinata’s face brought a cunning smile to Kei’s face.
“Hey! I mean you aren’t wrong. Kageyama wanted to practice on his own, so I thought I might as well head home for the day.”
“Oh?” Kei should have known that Hinata would be with Kageyama. After all, the two of them shared volleyball in both of their heads. The two of them had been rivals. The two of them were--
“Yep! But I won’t lose to him! Even if he’s my partner!” What? Kei could feel his blood boil, but he didn’t have a clue as to why. Was it because of the way Hinata had smiled so brightly? Smiled that brightly about someone else? Or was it because of what Hinata had said? That the two of them were partners. Such words should have been harmless. Should have . Except Kei had spent years and years observing the once -- well, maybe still -- freak pair. And even he knew that Hinata and Kageyama were more than just partners or rivals. They were soul--he did not want to admit that particular theory. Not yet.
Then, what were Kei and Hinata? Why was Hinata here now but always with Kageyama? Why was Hinata here ever, when he could be with Kageyama? Was Kei just the King’s replacement? Was he not good enough for Hinata to come home if Kageyama wasn’t busy? Is that why Hinata was never there when Kei woke up? Is that why Hinata was barely home? When Kei… when he needed him? All because Kageyama, or maybe it was someone else that still wasn’t himself, needed him. Not more. Never more than him.
… Did Hinata ever need him? What was really he to Hina--
Kei felt a hand on his -- so warm that he couldn’t help but cling further, receiving a small yelp in response. His senses slowly returned to him as he noticed he had dropped his spoon in the midst of his internal chaos. Right in front of him sat a worried Hinata, whose hand was still in his.
“Tsukishima? Are you okay?”
He meant something. Something. Kei hoped he wasn’t crying.
And he wasn’t, but on Kei's face was instead a conflicted smile.
“Yeah, I’m fine.”