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Overwhelmed.
Amity felt that a lot.
And this time, it wasn’t even Luz’s fault.
Well, none of Amity’s stress was her fault. It was the fault of the spell she’d infected herself with. Or something like that. Amity couldn’t really think of all the details at the moment.
She didn’t even know what she was thinking of at the moment.
Failure? Work? Belos? Lilith? Magic? Loneliness?
She couldn’t tell. All she knew was that she was feeling a lot of it. And she wasn’t enjoying any of it.
Panic attacks were nothing new to Amity.
She’d started getting them well before Luz came back. Granted, they were smaller then.
With the added stress of holding Luz captive, things hadn’t exactly been going well for her.
Though holding Luz ‘captive’ was really just holding her at the Owl House and bribing Hooty to keep her inside when nobody was around.
It worked most of the time. Most.
And honestly, it didn’t do much to calm Amity. What with Luz’s frequent trips between the Owl House and a jail cell. And with no signs of the human becoming her old self again.
She was used to the escapes, the blood, the cackles, the crazed looks, the sense of dread.
At least, she thought she was.
Amity slammed the door to her office shut, leaning against it as her heart raced.
‘It’s coming,’ Her head said.
‘What’s coming?’ She replied.
‘It’s coming!’
Amity reached out for something, anything. She stumbled around her office before hitting the chair to her desk. She gripped onto the back of it for dear life, her breathing uneven and heavy.
She was sweating profusely, and her arms and legs were trembling. Her legs almost gave out underneath her before she stumbled into her chair.
Amity put her elbows on her desk and held her head in her hands, gasping for breath as her throat tightened.
Her head hurt, the light of the candles were too bright, and she felt almost detached from her own body.
Amity shot out a hand and knocked over the candle. It sputtered and died instead of catching anything on fire, thankfully. Leaving Amity sitting alone in darkness.
The witch took in sharp breaths, feeling tears spilling down her cheeks. In an attempt to calm herself, a rumbling engine-like purr started in her throat. She kept it low but consistent, praying it would ground her.
One moment she was discussing the new guards with Lilith, the next, she was nearly falling over as a feeling of panic enveloped her.
Lilith had asked if she needed help, but Amity only waved her off. She couldn’t show weakness here. Not even to her.
Especially not to her.
Amity didn’t know how long she sat there in the darkness. With her eyes squeezed shut and her head screaming indescribable terror at her.
What she did know was that eventually, it started to calm. It slowed, and Amity could finally get in a real breath without feeling like she was suffocating.
And still, she didn’t notice the door opening.
She didn’t notice the figure reaching for the kris dagger off the wall. Or them stopping and abandoning it completely.
She didn’t notice the figure pausing, just behind her chair with a tilted head, one eye glowing an eerie gold.
“Hecate?”
Amity yelped and jerked upwards. She whirled around and fell out of her chair in the process, crashing onto the floor with her limbs in a tangled mess.
Luz stood over her, her face betraying that of curiosity. For once, not of the morbid kind.
“Luz!” Amity exclaimed, rushing to her feet. “What are you doing out of your ce--your room? I thought I put Wrath in charge!”
“Bonebreaker wasn’t there.” Luz said simply, her regular eye flicking over Amity’s face.
Amity must’ve forgotten. She was probably on the way to ask him to guard Luz when her attack hit. Of course, what wonderful timing, she thought bitterly.
Luz was in her regular ripped and worn outfit, very reminiscent of her old clothes. But they were blue instead of purple, and a gold clip at the front held a torn up cloak over her shoulders.
It was almost comforting to see she wasn’t trying to sneak around in a disguise this time.
“Why are you crying?” Luz asked, confused.
Amity shot a hand up to her face. Sure enough, it was still damp from her relentless crying earlier. There were even a few renegade tears still coming from her eyes.
“Oh, it’s-it’s nothing.” Amity said, quickly trying to wipe at the tears threatening to spill over. “You should go back to your room. I’m--”
Luz lifted a hand, reaching for Amity. Why the witch froze up, she didn’t know. She let Luz brush her hand over her cheek, holding a breath.
Luz wiped at the dampness on Amity’s face for a few moments. And looking at her mildly worried and diligent expression, Amity could almost forget how broken her human had become.
It felt...nice.
Amity leaned into Luz’s touch before she could stop herself, pointed ears drooping. Her eyelids fluttered as well, shutting briefly.
Titan only knows how she managed to resist the urge to purr aloud. For once, not to calm her stress.
She felt Luz’s hand pause for a minute before cupping her cheek and stroking a thumb under her eye. Amity lifted a hand to gently grab at her wrist, relishing in the contact.
“Hecate?” Luz said quietly. “Are you feeling alright?”
Amity’s eyes snapped open.
The witch pulled away at breakneck speeds, nearly falling over again. She pulled Luz’s hand away from her face. She could feel her cheeks lighting ablaze.
Luz was still staring at her, in an expression Amity would call polite confusion.
“Er, yeah, yeah,” Amity said quickly, glancing away. “M’fine.”
She realized she was still holding Luz’s hand and abruptly let go, holding her hands behind her back.
“Mm, c’mon, Hecate,” Luz said, her slightly unnerving smile slowly coming back to her face, like her worry had never even existed. “We’re friends, aren’t we? You don’t have to lie to ol’ Azura.” She said, giving a wide grin as her golden eye flickered.
“I’m...I’m not.” Amity lied, avoiding her gaze. “Please, let’s just get you back to your room.”
“Okay, okay.” Luz relented, her shoulders relaxing as she raised her hands in defeat. “I’ll get something out of you yet, Hecs.” Luz said cheerily and possibly vaguely threatening.
“Sure, whatever,” Amity sighed, sagging in relief.
She saw Luz’s hand inch towards the kris dagger on the wall as they tried to walk out. Amity twirled a finger in the air and lifted a crumpled piece of paper with her magic and tossed it at Luz. It hit her arm and discouraged the human from grabbing it, withdrawing her hand with a grumble.
“Not a chance, Luz.”
Amity wasn’t too surprised when, barely two hours later, the alarm had been raised of Luz’s escape. It was a weekly occurrence at this rate.
Nothing could hold that girl for long.
Calling it an ‘alarm’ would be overplaying it at this point. It was more like a warning. A heads up to be on the lookout for her.
Amity had retreated to her office to see if it had been broken into. It wasn’t uncommon for Luz to sneak in, either to cause mischief or steal something Amity had confiscated, usually her dagger or staff.
The witch was surprised to find that the dagger was right where she left it. All that had changed about her office was that there was a note taped to her desk.
Meet me in the woods. You’ll know where I am.
She had drawn a smiley face sticking out its tongue at the end.
Amity, thoroughly confused, and perhaps a little concerned, folded the note and put it in her pocket.
She grabbed her mask before leaving the office. She informed a guard that she would be out searching for Luz, and to tell Lilith not to worry.
Barely a few minutes later, she was flying out of the Emperor’s Castle by her staff, sitting sideways on it with both feet hanging off one side.
Luz was right. It wasn’t hard to find her at all.
The floating balls of light were a clear indication where Luz would be. A part of Amity felt peaceful at seeing Luz’s first spell again.
She landed just inside of the clearing Luz had chosen and paused. She got a good look at the place.
It was where she and Luz had defeated Grom, just over a year from today. She could see the tree far off on one side of the clearing, still imposing and covered in blossoms.
It felt so long ago now.
Luz was standing by the edge of the cliff, facing the sky. It was well into the night, and the moon was but a sliver. The light spells surrounding Luz blended into the sky like stars.
Amity took off her mask and tucked it into one of the large pockets of her cloak. She got rid of her staff in a flash of magenta magic, but remained on standby.
“Luz?” Amity called, slowly walking into the clearing and gazing around at the lights.
“You came!” Luz, chuckled, turning around. “Knew I could count on you,” She said, summoning her staff that Amity really needed to confiscate.
Amity gasped and recoiled at the sight.
Luz’s normal pupil had transformed into a crescent, mimicking the moon behind her. If her single golden eye was unnerving, this was worse.
The gold glow of her left eye had become star-like speckles, the rest of it an inky blackness. If you were a romantic, it looked as though the night sky had been placed in Luz’s eye.
“You’re eyes!” Amity breathed, rushing over and stopping just short of touching the overly proud human. “Oh great Titan, are you okay?” She worried.
“What? I’m fine,” Luz blinked, like it was no big deal. “It’s just from the spell. It’ll go away eventually.”
“Spell?” Amity repeated, taking a step back. “What spell?”
Luz’s smile widened, and a faint glow came from her staff.
“This one,”
Luz lifted her staff and slammed the end against the grass. The ground underneath Amity lit up and she gasped, realizing now that Luz had carved a massive, faint glyph into the dirt beneath them.
Amity summoned her own staff, expecting the worst as a white and blue light enveloped her.
Instead, the lights around them began to shift and turn, shrinking and becoming near exact replicas of the stars.
They swirled around them for a moment before dispersing into separate clumps.
Amity momentarily lost her breath at the sight.
The lights had transformed into the constellations From the ones she knew by heart to ones that belonged to a different realm. They danced and spun around her, making her feel like she had been dropped into the sky itself.
“Well?” Luz said, startling Amity when she came up next to her. “Whaddya think?” She asked hopefully, a wide smile plastered on her face.
Luz’s eyes unnerved her still, but they held a type of joy she hadn’t seen on Luz in so long. Even her eerie grin almost seemed...genuine.
Amity smiled softly and offered a small chuckle. She let her staff vanish.
“I love it,” She said faintly, looking back towards the constellations. “Thanks for this, Luz.”
Luz appeared surprised. Though she made no comment as Amity watched the constellations dance among them.
“Out of curiosity, what exactly did you have to do to make this spell?” Amity asked, a hint of fear lacing her tone as she barely spared a glance back at the human.
“I didn’t kill anything, don’t worry.” Luz said, waving her free hand. “I know you don’t like when I do that, so I decided to be nice today.” She said, sounding proud of herself.
“Even if it is a lot more fun, and easier, to get the magic from other creatures.” She mumbled under her breath.
“Well,” Amity sighed, finally looking back.
Two constellations that looked like dogs ran by her, illuminating her in the darkness.
“I appreciate it.” She said, her frame finally loosening and allowing her to relax.
Luz faltered for a moment, her coy and righteous look turning to that of what Amity could only describe as shy. Which was practically unheard of for Luz.
The human blinked and the stars in her left eye glowed faintly, moving slowly among the blackness.
“Yeah,” Luz said, her voice strained. She quickly cleared her throat and shook her head. “I mean, of course! I couldn’t leave my dear Hecate with nothing after the sad state I saw today.”
“I told you, I was fine.” Amity huffed, her face falling.
No matter how much she wanted to pretend it was all okay, Luz would always bring her back to reality.
Hecate.
How she despised that name now.
“Sure, sure.” Luz said, walking around Amity and holding out her staff to the lights.
“Have you ever seen the stars that make serpens?”
“No, I haven’t.” Amity shook her head, playing along. “What is it?”
Luz’s staff glowed and a constellation shaped like a massive snake flew down around them, it’s tail tapping Amity on the nose and startling her.
“I don’t quite remember where I know this one,” Luz said, drifting a hand in the lights that made up the snake and watching them part around her fingers. “But I like it. Reminds me of you, what with your snake staff.” She teased.
Amity giggled and could feel a faint heat coming to her cheeks.
“I don’t know how Fang would feel about that,” She said. “He might complain.”
“Eh, let him.” Luz shrugged, turning her staff and letting the snake join the other constellations.
Amity looked back towards the cliff face, reminding herself of what had happened here.
The tree shifted in the breeze, still pink and thriving. She must’ve stared at it for a bit too long, because Luz suddenly popped up right in front of her.
“What’re ya looking at?” Luz asked, missing Amity’s undignified jump as she followed her gaze towards the tree.
“Oh, just...you know, reminiscing.” Amity said, studying Luz’s face as she inspected the tree in the distance.
“...do you remember making that tree?” Amity asked, hesitantly.
“I made that?” Luz said disbelievingly, glancing back at Amity. “Hecate, please. I’m the Good Witch Azura! I think I would remember if I made a tree like that.” She brushed off.
“Well, I’m Hecate, and I say you did.” Amity insisted. “It was about a year ago. After we defeated Grometheus together. Do you remember Grom?”
She didn’t know why she was trying so hard. She knew that insisting upon reality only made Luz retreat even further into her Azura shell. It was already a miracle she allowed Amity to call her by Luz, her ‘nickname,’ as she’d call it.
Perhaps a part of her wanted to at least try.
Or maybe she was just getting desperate, like Lilith said she was.
“Grometheus?” Luz repeated. “I think I named a pixie something similar to that. I can’t remember, but it’s wings were very nice earrings while they lasted.” She said gleefully.
“No, no, not a pixie,” Amity shook her head, deciding to ignore the morbid implications. “The monster under Hexside. Grometheus the Fear Bringer. Please, this has to sound at least a little familiar.” She begged, and Luz finally looked at her, though she clearly wasn’t paying much attention to her words.
“I was chosen as Grom Queen, and you volunteered to take my place, remember?” Amity said, standing before Luz. “You...you were my fearless champion.” She said, straining with the effort to keep her voice from breaking.
Luz’s face changed to that of perplexity, frowning a bit.
“Fearless champion?” She murmured, getting lost in thought.
“Yes, that was you!” Amity said, perking up excitedly. “You fought Grom . It, er, didn’t go as planned.” She admitted nervously. “You fled the school. And I couldn’t leave you like that, so I faced Grom with you.” She said, faintly smiling at the memory.
“It...it was fun.” She said fondly. “We both insisted that we were gonna at least fight him dramatically. I was surprised you could dance at all.” She conceded. “And, and after we defeated Grom, this tree was made, and we--”
“You were afraid,”
Amity paused, finally focusing in on Luz again. She was looking at her, thoughtful. Her head was turned and she seemed as surprised at her words as Amity.
“I...what?”
“Your fear.” Luz clarified. “It was rejection, right?”
Amity stared, stunned.
“I remember,” Luz said quietly. “I thought about that one for a while.” She continued, her gaze glazed over as she stared at nothing at all. “I wondered how important someone could be that your greatest fear was their rejection.”
“...of all the things,” Amity nearly laughed at the absurdity, shaking her head. “You remembered my fear?” She smiled sadly.
“Of course you would, your Luz. The girl who forgot her own name but still remembered her favorite spell.” She said wistfully.
Luz came back to the present. Her eyes blinked and the crescent and stars vanished and returned to normal. The constellations winked out of existence, being replaced with flickering light spells that were close to dying out.
“You’re crying again.”
Amity raised a hand to her face. And sure enough, there were tears falling.
“Oh,” Amity said, almost numb. “Sorry,” She apologized, hurriedly drying at her eyes. “I guess I just didn’t think--”
Luz lifted a sleeve and wiped at her cheek. Amity, just like before, went still. She let Luz wipe away the dampness. It was a few moments before she spoke.
“Don’t apologize,” Luz said. “You didn’t do anything wrong.”
Those words, as small as they were, struck Amity’s core.
For five months, all Amity had been doing was apologizing. To Lilith, to Belos, to the wardens, and to Luz herself. Pleading and feeling sorry for Luz had become a routine.
And despite all that...Luz held no resentments. Not for anything.
Amity grabbed Luz’s wrist in a tight hold, already feeling herself beginning to shake.
“Hecate?” An alarmed Luz said.
Amity squeezed her eyes shut and held Luz’s hand close, fresh tears pouring from her eyes as she tried to hold back sobs.
Great Titan, she was a mess.
Her shoulders slumped with the effort and she lowered her head.
She couldn’t hear what else Luz was speaking, everything was ringing.
She felt herself being enveloped in something warm and a bit scratchy.
Amity lifted her head and stared at the tree for a moment before looking down, seeing that Luz was hugging her tightly.
“Luz?” Amity choked out.
“It’s okay,” Luz said, more of a statement than anything. “Everyone has a bad day or two.”
She said them so casually, so sincerely, that Amity was almost convinced she’d imagined the horrors she’d seen for all those months. That she was back with her old Luz again, and everything really was okay.
Amity clutched onto Luz tightly, her eyes shutting as she felt tears freely fall down her cheeks. She buried her face in Luz’s shoulder to muffle her sobs, trembling.
“You’ll be okay,” Luz said, cupping the back of Amity’s head. “I’ll make sure of it.”
Amity couldn’t find it in her to be bothered by what that could’ve meant.