Chapter Text
Soho, London 1987
It had been 20 years since Aziraphale rode in Crowley's magnificent black Bentley. The last time, it was to give him a termos of holy water to prevent him from hurting himself while trying to steal it and the resulting conversation had not been very pleasant ... The angel had ended it by declaring that the demon was going way too fast for him ... Obviously you and I know he was not talking about his driving speed (although 90miles / h in the middle of town! ... Anyway ) Crowley also knew that he was talking about something else without knowing exactly what ... After all, they had known each other for 6000 years, and almost a thousand since the official beginnings of their arrangement ... But whatever, he had understood that the principality needed space so he gave it to him.
He was therefore very surprised to be contacted by the Aziraphale declaring that he needed a driver to go and retrieve another of these famous prophecy books that he had been collecting since ... Since these books actually existed. The place was apparently very far, too much for a taxi and would require too many bus transfers to the taste of the angel who preferred direct transport. Rampa would have pointed out to him that he could miraculously teleport there, but he would have missed the chance to have it all to himself for hours in his car. (Very evil I know 😈) Anyway, he had to know this and didn't do it to avoid being questioned and reprimanded by Gabriel again. 🙄
It is therefore in this context that Crowley arrived in front of Aziraphale's bookshop and honked to signal his presence. The person called got out immediately in his usual outfit that he had for 100 years, quite excited at the idea of finally having this book that he had been looking for for decades and enter the car with a huge smile 😁
- Hi Angel! Said the sole driver of the Bentley since its conception.
- Hello dear! Answered the only passenger of the Bentley since its conception. So, are we going? I can't wait to get this book back to my collection! Well of course, these are not the good and accurate prophecies of Agnes Nutter, but I have heard a lot of good things about it and it seems that its accuracy rate is quite remarkable!
- Yes of course ... Answered the demon half understanding what he was talking about ... But he loved to see him excited and happy like that so he would never think of interrupting him. He even added: It had better be as good as you say given all the way we have to go to get it!
- Indeed, although at the speed you are driving we will be there in 2 seconds! Said the angel in an attempt at humor. When he found that it hadn't worked, he continued: But I'm bothering you already with my stories, I don't think you want to drive with my book stories in the background ... Especially not after the last time ... So you can put some music instead. It will be fun ... Like a real human road trip! 😁😁😁
At this point, Crowley had a lot to tell him; Lots of things to ask him and Lots of questions to ask him. But since apparently he was driving too fast, he decided to abstain and follow the angel's rhythm and turn on the radio ... It was the best and the worst idea he had ever had. !
Why? So there you have it ... Crowley's black Bentley, though human-made, had never known one. No. He had known only one demon as driver and one angel as occasional passenger. This, had an unexpected effect: she had developed awareness. She could control herself (although Crowley did not allow her to disobey him when he was driving!) As well as all her systems (indicators, headlights, horn, doors ...). This had these advantages, but also a big disadvantage: since she did not have vocal cords to speak, she uses the radio! (Yes yes like Bumblebee!) And once it starts, no way to stop it! The Bentley knew very well what Rampa felt for Aziraphale since the first time the angel had ridden for a grand opening ride in 1930 and she approved of their union. She remembered very well their last conversation and the famous "You're driving too fast for me Rampa." and had perfectly planned her owner's response 😈 (What ?! She was doing him a favor since he's too scared to tell him the truth!)
So I was saying, turning on the radio was both the best and the worst idea Crowley ever had because a second after opening the radio was screaming an ABBA song at the top of its inexistant lungs:
If you change your mind,
I'm the first in line!
Honey, I'm still free! Take a chance on me!
If you need me, let me know !, Gonna be around,
If you have no place to go, when you feeling down ...
Furious at this betrayal, Crowley tried all the buttons to silence the alive car, but nothing helped. In fact, she even turned up the volume for the sequel:
If you're all alone!
When the pretty birds have flown,
Honey I'm still free !, Take a chance on me!
Gonna do my, very best !, It's ain't no lie,
If you put me to the test, if you let me try ...
Take a chance on meeeeeeeee!!
- Ok it's enough!!! I understand your point ok?! Now change the song right now or else I...
- Come on Crowley! There is no need for thatbkind of language! Let me do it... Sorry ... Dear Crowley's "ride", could you please change the song? I think our Crowley would prefer something newer although I have no idea when the song that's playing right now was recorded ... But he's always been very much of his time as humans say so I think he'll enjoy this change a lot. Thank you.
The Bentley obeyed and changed for a title of the year, this time from the Proclaimers skipping the verses to go straight to the chorus:
But I would walk 500 miles,
and I would walk 500 mores,
Just to be the man who walk a thousand miles to fall down at your door! ...
- Very funny! Replied the demon ... It is indeed a song of this year, but not an acceptable one at the moment and you know it! So put on a more classic song for Aziraphale, the guests have priority over these things after all, don't they?
Aziraphale smiled at the idea and the Bentley smiled alongside him because it had the perfect classic style French song for them!
Quaaaaaand il me rend dans ces bras, qu'il me parle tout bas,
Je vois, la vue en roooooooooose!
Iiiiiiil me dit des mots d'amour, des mots de tout les jours,
Et ça me fait quelque chooooooose
Translation :
Wheeeeeeeeen, he takes me in his arms, he speaks to me softly,
I see, life in piiiiiiiiiink!
Heeeeeeee tells me words of love, words of daily use, and that makes me something!
- Very well I give up! Said the demon. Put on all the love songs you want, it won't change anything, we've already talked about it!
- Love songs? Oh yeah! Finally noticed the angel ... Okay I understand your reaction now ...
Shit ... Thought Crowley, now is not the time!
-... You are jealous because your car loves me too and your fear that it will leave you for me.
-... Wow ... the demon exclaimed simply realizing he was being saved by the disbelief of the yet brilliant angel beside him. He could correct it with a word, but didn't.
- I know I can be very insightful when I put myself to it ... But don't worry! I also really like your car, but I will never drive it! I much prefer passenger comfort even if I have to put up with your dangerous driving. Do you understand Bentley? I understood the message and I love you very much too ... Now you can stop the love songs and put Crowley's real preferences so we can go and collect my book, okay?
In response the Bentley gave a grumpy frustration sound before playing the song "We're not gonna take it!" Of the Twisted sisters to mean that even if she had failed this time, she would never give up. And as a matter of fact, every time Aziraphale entered the Bentley (unless it was for something serious,) she put on a love song and each time the angel thanked her without ever understanding what was going on even when the Bentley put the phrase "She said Hello! You fool! I love you!" Translation" From the song "Joyride" by Roxette ...
At least that's what they believed ... 😇