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She can't sleep.
No matter how many times Mikan closed her eyes, the only thing that ever managed to greet the shy, purple-haired nurse was the horrifyingly oppressive and miserable silence that filled the atmosphere inside of her own personal cottage. Her room held no shred of comfort, despite it being decorated with a plethora of medical equipment and vials of medicine, the sight of which would usually invite a giddy smile to her face. Tonight, however, the timid, easily-frightened girl felt as if her residence's chilling atmosphere was suffocating her, choking the air with its foreboding malice, and it's sinister overtones drowned out any kind of relief that she might have found. Normally, the stillness in the air was not so bad. In fact, Mikan often enjoyed these brief moments of silence. Nobody could possibly hate her, or call her names, or draw on her skin, or make her strip down to absolutely nothing... though she'd still oblige their unreasonable demands if it meant they would forgive her.
She'd do anything if it meant others would acknowledge her existence.
But these were… different circumstances.
Unlike every other horrible trauma Mikan had endured—both physical and mental—nothing she had borne witness to came close to whatever nightmare she was currently living through.
The looming threat of death constantly hung in the air, courtesy of Monokuma and his dreaded Monobeasts, bringing with it a choking feeling of despair that none of the Ultimates had ever experienced before. Not even in their worse nightmares. Some of her classmates had taken to living in a Killing Game slightly better than the others, but for the most part, everyone was understandably scared out of their wits. Miraculously, though, nobody--Mikan included--had been bold or daring enough to attempt to commit murder. But the terrifying possibility always lingered within the smallest corners of their minds.
Out of the entire class, however, the person who undoubtedly found herself more afraid than anyone else was Mikan.
Ever since that demented monochromatic bear had announced his cutthroat contest, the very idea of killing each other for freedom back into the outside world sent an endless wave of blood-curdling tremors coursing down her spine, and they very frequently served to fuel her nightmares.
Of course, Mikan had long since grown used to suffering such debilitating dreams. Every time she gave in to her need to sleep, her broken mind forced her to be repeatedly bullied by her classmates, parents, and virtually every other person she had met, all for their own sick, twisted amusement. They punched her, kicked her, drew on her with permanent markers, cut her hair, touched her inappropriately, made her responsible for their debts, forced her to eat bugs and muddied dirt, and a whole host of other atrocious acts, each as disgusting as the last.
And Mikan had readily put up with it all, because at least then her fragile existence held some form of meaning.
What really terrified the poor girl was that, in the length of time she had been stranded on Jabberwock Island, she was actually being treated like a normal human being. Her classmates never made constant demands of her—excluding a certain traditional dancer—and the timid nurse understandably felt more at home here than anywhere else, despite the fact that they would all be trapped here for the foreseeable future. For once in her life, she was... happy. She had friends, warm blankets, and good food. Nothing could have possibly felt better for the abused girl.
But when Monokuma showed up, everything changed. Now, instead of leaving after fifty days had passed, Mikan and her classmates now had to kill each other and get away with their crime in order to regain their freedom.
Mikan couldn't stomach the thought of killing the few people who had shown her legitimate kindness and empathy. Her one chance to feel something other than misery was now dangling helplessly out of her reach by their new headmaster, and the thought drove her right back down into the pit of despair she had just crawled out of.
It frightened her to such an unbelievable degree that she could no longer find it within herself to fall asleep, and her resulting weariness was obvious to everyone on the island.
Suffice to say, this was the second night in a row that Mikan had found herself unable escape into her dreams, instead spending most of her time either softly crying into her own pillow, silently begging for forgiveness from those around her, or simply staring off into space, wondering why she of all people has to endure this horrid, merciless Killing Game. Right now, it's the former, and her fluffy pillow had already been stained wet with countless tears as she hugged it in a vice-like death grip. Mikan trembled helplessly underneath her warm comforters as the constant thumping of her own heart kept her wide awake through the lifeless night. All the crying and panting and whimpering she did made it all the more difficult to cope with the unfortunate reality of the situation.
And as a doctor, she knew very well that a lack of sleep was detrimental to one's body, as quite a few of her own patients had suffered from the ill effects of insomnia. Unfortunately, her case somehow behaved more severely than any of her patients'. By itself, the crippling wave of anxiety she felt would be enough to keep anyone awake, and Mikan had tried just about anything she could think of to finally fall back into a peaceful slumber.
Warm milk.
Counting sheep.
Reading a book.
Mikan had resorted to each of these time-tested methods, but that feeling of anxiety and utter hopelessness that kept her awake all through the night never went away, and this night was no different in that regard.
As her despair-filled sobbing rebounded across the lifeless walls, she tore her tear-stained pillow out of her face for a brief moment, trying to catch a glimpse of what time it was outside. The clock beside her read:
12:13 A.M.
Just past midnight.
The Ultimate Nurse let out a pathetic little whine, clearly upset by how late it was again. She'd no doubt cause trouble for her classmates the next morning due to her sleeping problems. Just the other day, she accidentally tripped and sent everyone's breakfast flying all across the walls of the restaurant, and everyone had to wash their clothes in addition to the restaurant itself. That's all she seemed to be good for: causing problems, and she hated that.
Mikan hated being unloved and ignored, more than anything else. She could take the constant bullying and harassment handed to her on a daily basis, because at least then, someone would pay attention to her.
At least then, her life held a little bit more meaning.
However, if Mikan couldn't remedy her problem soon, then nobody would want to be with her because of how useless she was, and to the meek girl, that was a fate worse than death. It absolutely terrified her, more so than the notion of being killed, and it made her that much more desperate to find a solution.
But what other options were there left to try?
Everything else had failed, so how exactly was she supposed to fix her problem?
…
Well…
There was one thing, but… Mikan was almost completely convinced that it wouldn't work. And yet… it seemed to be her real only choice.
She really, really needed to talk to someone.
To her, it was a long shot. Talking to anyone this late at night would surely upset them, and if they were upset, then Mikan would be all alone again. And if she was alone again, then life would be miserable. And if life were miserable, then... things would only keep getting worse.
Still, it was all her panic-ridden mind could come up with, so without any other alternatives, the purplette chose to go through with her plan.
Grabbing hold of her pillow, Mikan weakly began to push herself upright onto her bed, still sniffling every few moments, the covers shuffling off of the nurse and landing onto the floor in a messy heap. She stood up, slipping on a pair of pink slippers resting just by the rim of the mattress, before slowly maneuvering herself in-between her furniture. The timid nurse nearly tripped over several different inanimate objects, no doubt because of her natural clumsiness that always triggered at the worst possible times, but nonetheless, she safely made it to her door. Mikan shakily extended her hand, giving the silver knob an unsteady twist before thrusting the wooden entrance wide open.
She hesitated to take a single step out into the harsh night, fear of the unknown keeping her frame rooted firmly to the ground. Eventually, though, she pushed past her reservations and ventured into the outside world, pillow in hand and clad in only a simple white tank-top and a pair of loose, pink shorts that stretched halfway down her thighs.
The brisk nighttime air pelted her skin, sending a brief wave of goosebumps surging throughout Mikan's body as she gently closed the door. Looking out across her front deck, the nurse's eyes nervously wandered across the row of cabins in which the Ultimates were staying as she debated exactly who to ask for help.
As a general rule of thumb, she decided to seek help from the girls, since most of the guys were… well, guys, and quite frankly, she felt so much more comfortable around girls. The only male that Mikan would have even considered approaching at this hour was Hajime, but the last thing the purple-haired girl wanted was for the only guy who didn't make constant demands of her to be frustrated because of her problems, so she opted out of visiting him. That left only seven other people she could talk to, each one unique in their own ways.
And Mikan had the difficult task of approaching one of them, but… nobody seemed to immediately spring into mind.
…
Actually, there was someone that Mikan felt could help her.
Someone who cared for her more than she believed she deserved, and would always forgive her no matter what.
Someone who showed a level of patience with her that nobody ever had before.
Someone who she might even call… a close friend.
That person… was none other than Chiaki Nanami, known by Hope's Peak Academy as the Ultimate Gamer.
If anyone had the best chance of easing her terror, then it was Chiaki, but… Mikan had no idea whether the strawberry blond was awake or not. Her sleeping tendencies had always been very sporadic and unpredictable due to her tendency to play video games all the time, and she could clock out in an instant without any warning. There were even a few occasions where the gamer had fallen asleep… while standing completely upright.
As unsure as she was, though, Mikan slowly began to wander towards her cabin, praying that her classmate was awake. If not, then… she'd probably go right back to sobbing into her pillow.
Alone. In the dark. For the rest of the night.
Arriving at Chiaki's front door, Mikan hesitated for a moment, wondering if she should go through with this. The last thing she wanted was to upset her closest friend, and anything could happen once she pressed that doorbell.
After what felt like an eternity of debating, she eventually made up her mind and did a quick self-check, trying to look a bit more presentable by wiping the teardrops from her eyes with her pillow. When Mikan felt satisfied with her appearance, she shakily extended a finger towards the doorbell, stopping just short of the button as her hand trembled immensely from the overwhelming pressure she felt. But eventually…
DING-DONG! DING-DONG!
…the familiar echoing of bells rung out through the night.
Mikan then took a few steps back, and waited. One second quickly became two, then two became three, and the cycle continued over and over until a full minute had gone by with no answer whatsoever.
Hesitatingly, she pressed the switch a second time, thinking that perhaps her friend might have simply been ignoring her. Once again, however, a full minute had passed without so much of a single reply, and a tearful expression appeared on the nurse’s face.
"…I-I knew it." She quietly sobbed, knowing that nobody else would hear her. The tears were already starting to form in her eyes. "I should've just stayed in bed… Nobody wants to help someone as worthless as me."
Dejected, she turned back towards her own cottage, tears once again on the verge of spilling out of her eyes, when suddenly she heard a very sleepy voice at the door.
"…Who is it?"
Mikan did the fastest 180 degree turn she'd ever done. "C-Chiaki?! I-It's me… Mikan!"
"Mikan?" Chiaki questioned, letting out a cute yawn that the nurse could hear through the door. "What are you doing out this late? Did something happen?"
"Eep! P-P-Please forgive me!" The purple-haired girl instinctively started pleading. "I'm so sorry I-I woke you up! I shouldn't have been so careless! I-I'll head back to my room now!"
The nurse hastily went to head back to her cottage, but the turning of a knob caught her attention, followed closely by the opening of a door. From behind the wooden entrance appeared Chiaki, dressed only in a soft yellow tank-top and deep red panties, the sight of which made Mikan's cheeks flush a rosy pink color. She absentmindedly raised her pillow to block her view, but it only slightly concealed the very exposed and very sleepy girl standing in front of her. The gamer might have been remarkably intelligent, but her common sense was… out there. Case in point, answering the door in such a compromised state.
"You don't have to apologize.” Chiaki said. A lazy hand went to rub the drowsiness from her eyes. “I was busy playing my games, so I was already awake."
"B-But… I-I could've woken you up!" Mikan cried.
"That's okay. I could always go to sleep some other time. Plus…" The gamer let out another yawn, but despite her sluggish behavior, she seemed deeply concerned about Mikan, giving the nurse a worried look, "…you look really scared. Are you… okay?"
"I-I… Umm…" The timid girl fumbled with her words. "I-I just… I n-need someone to talk to. I-If it's not too much trouble… c-can I… come in?"
A beat passed by, and a reassuring smile appeared on Chiaki's lips. "Of course. You're welcome to come over anytime… if you need me."
"A-Are you sure?" Though she knew the gamer was a kind person, Mikan still couldn't fully believe her words, even after all this time. "Are you sure that this is okay? For someone like me to… to take advantage of your kindness?"
"Mikan," Chiaki gently spoke, "you're my classmate, but more importantly… you're my friend. I don't like seeing my friends acting so afraid, so if there's anything I can do to help… then I'm more than willing to go out of my way for them." The mauve-haired girl pursed a finger to her lips. "Yeah… that sounds about right."
"Chiaki… T-Thank you…" A nervous grin worked its way onto her face as she stared at her classmate, who simply returned the gesture, albeit with much more confidence.
"Come on in." Chiaki took a few steps back as she held the door open in warm invitation. "I just need to find a save point, and then we can talk. Okay?"
"O-Okay."
Mikan quickly glanced across the other residences to make sure nobody was watching them. When the nurse felt confident that they were alone, and that nobody else was around to spy on their conversation, she shyly walked into the gamer's cottage, pillow still buried in her chest. A warm blast of air enveloped her body, taking away the chill of night and filling the nurse with a brief sense of relief. Chiaki quietly shut the door behind them, sealing both girls in for the rest of the early morning hours, before making her way to the large TV located in her bedroom corner. The nurse took careful note of the state of her room, which was, for lack of a better word, very cluttered and disorganized.
As far as the eye could see, video game consoles of various makes and models were strewn about onto the floor and whatever shelves were available, with no particular rhyme or reason, and that wasn't taking into account the number of controllers connected to each one. There were handhelds, home consoles, optional accessories that most people would have neglected to buy, and even a massive arcade cabinet tucked away in a separate corner, all of which befitted the Ultimate Gamer. Considering how many devices were present in such a small area, the sheer amount of wires traveling across the floor posed a serious safety hazard for anyone trying to walk across the cabin, except for Chiaki, who navigated around her mess with complete ease.
And that wasn't even counting her unwashed clothes or the food and drinks scattered across the ground.
Just looking at it all, Mikan couldn't help but feel incredibly antsy for a variety of reasons, none more so than her natural clumsiness. The last thing she wanted was to ruin this chance she had been given. It also didn't help that the only source of light in her room came from the TV, leaving much of her cottage blanketed in darkness.
"I'm sorry if it's a bit messy." Chiaki spoke up. "When I'm gaming, I tend to forget about things like cleaning up. I've been meaning to do that for a while now, actually, but… I keep finding myself playing games instead."
"O-Oh… I see."
"You can take a seat on my bed while you wait. I'll just be a minute." The gamer grabbed the controller she was using and unpaused her game.
"U-Umm… I'm not sure how I can get over there."
"…"
"Err… Chiaki?"
"…"
It was no use. Chiaki was completely engrossed in her game now.
Realizing this, Mikan took a nervous gulp as she surveyed the room once more. She faced quite the intimidating challenge. It might not have seemed daunting to anyone else, but to her, she might as well have been participating in the Olympics. There were so many objects she had to avoid tripping over that it felt nauseating trying to keep track of where they all were. One wrong step, and that was surely the end of her friendship. Of that, the nurse was certain.
Okay, Mikan… you can do this. All you have to do is make it to her bed… and everything will be fine.
Taking in a deep breath, Mikan took small, singular steps forward every few seconds, eyes trained on her feet the whole time. She figured that as long she knew where she was stepping, then everything would be fine and nothing bad would happen. And for the most part, her strategy worked quite well.
At least for a few seconds.
"G-GYAAAAH!"
Halfway through the gamer's room, Mikan noticed that the room grew darker all of a sudden, and looked up for just an instant. But in that tiny frame of time, her left foot snagged on one of the miscellaneous cables lining the floor, and as a result, the poor girl was sent tumbling straight down to the floor, flinging her pillow across the dimly lit room. She cried out in shock the whole time, reflexively snapping her eyes shut as a weightlessness overtook her. She landed on the floor with a loud THUD , followed swiftly by the clattering of various electronics around her.
"O-Owwww…"
Mikan's head started to throb in pain, the familiar sensation bringing her back to reality. A hand instinctively went to massage her bruised temple, but she found that she could not move her hands or legs. Something hard kept tightening around them, keeping her from moving even an inch.
Slowly, she opened her eyes, and quickly found herself horrified by her current predicament.
Several long wires from Chiaki's controllers had coiled around the poor girl's ample frame, trapping her entire body in a tangled mess of black cables. And to make matters worse, the position she landed in was very… compromising, as both her legs were currently sprawled out into the air.
But perhaps the most terrifying thing of all…
…was the fact that Chiaki was staring right at her, wide-eyed and holding her hands up to her gaping mouth.
"E-Eeek! I-I-I'm s-so sorry! I d-didn't see where I was going, and… and…!" Hot tears were already streaming violently down Mikan's face, blurring her vision as she pleaded desperately for forgiveness. "D-D-Don't look at me! Please don't look at me!"
Oh, why did she have to screw up now of all times?! Things were going so well, too! Why did she always have to ruin everything?! Her friendship with Chiaki was pretty much as good as gone!
"I-I'm sorry…! Please forgive me!" She cried over and over again, her sobs drowning out any other noise. Right now, she had to have been the most pathetic person on the planet, and her constant whimpering, she believed, was proof of this. Nobody could possibly care for a failure like her. They hadn't before, so why now?
Mikan would have kept crying for hours, tangled up in her own misfortunes, but her sobs lessened slightly when the nurse suddenly felt her binds growing looser. She looked up, eyes still watery, and to her complete surprise, she saw that Chiaki was fervently trying to undo the knots keeping her in place, her brows knitted into a determined expression.
Even as she watched the mauve-haired girl slowly free her, though, Mikan could hardly believe it. Something like this was too good to be true. It had to be! She was probably just doing this out of pity! Nobody would help someone as useless as her!
Nobody…
…
After detangling the nurse from the last few wires, Chiaki gently placed an arm behind her shoulder, supporting the timid girl as she tried her best to stand up again. Her legs were still a bit shaky, but Mikan was able to keep herself upright this time.
That said, she couldn't bear to look Nanami in the eye. Not after the stunt she just pulled.
"Y-You probably hate me, don't you? I-I'm such a screw up… aren't I?" Mikan was already preparing herself for the full verbal lashing she was about to receive. Except…
…instead of insults, the words that actually came out of the gamer's mouth were:
"Are you hurt at all?"
"E-Ehh?!" That wasn't at all what she expected her to say! "O-Oh! U-Umm… I-I'm fine! Really, I am! P-Please… forgive me!"
"Mikan… you don't have to be sorry." Chiaki tried to assure her. "If anything, I'm the one who should be apologizing. I left all my stuff lying around, and… you got hurt because of it."
"B-But it wouldn't have happened if I weren't so clumsy! I-I could have ruined your belongings f-forever! I… I-I did something so horrible to you!" The nurse clutched her head as she started to cower in fear. "P-Please forgive me! I-I'll do anything if it means you'll forgive me!"
"Mikan…"
"Kick me! Punch me! Call me names! Do whatever you want, just please don't hate me!" The timid girl crushed her eyes shut in preparation for her inevitable punishment. She'd offered herself so many times before in the hopes of being forgiven, and this instance would be no different. It was only a matter of what Chiaki decided to do with her.
And Mikan heard the near-silent movement of her body, bracing herself for the inevitable pain…
…only to be surprised when she felt not pain, but something soft and warm wrapping itself around her torso.
She let out a startled 'eep!', with both her eyes snapping open as she looked down to see the gamer gently hugging her, much to her own blatant confusion. The compassionate girl gently rested her head on Mikan's shoulder, and she seemed very content to stay there, nestled up against the spastic nurse, who couldn't figure out what to do in this unexpected situation as her arms hung out awkwardly at her sides.
"H-Huh? W-What… are you doing?" She asked incredulously.
"Hugging you." Chiaki calmly stated. "You said I could do anything, and I wanted to do something to help you calm down. So… I figured that maybe I should try hugging you."
"…Y-You… don't want to hurt me…? Even after… everything I've done? I-I don't…" Mikan's body slowly relaxed in her hold, but her legs still trembled greatly. "I don't deserve such kindness…"
"Of course you do." She said with a bit more emphasis. "Everybody deserves a chance to be happy. Especially you. I'm not sure what you've been through, but… I've seen enough to know that it hasn't been very… pleasant. I think. But… that's all over now, right? All the people who hurt you… they can't do that anymore. So even if you don't believe it, I think you deserve a chance to be happy. And if I can make that happen… even if it's something as simple as hugging you… then that's a win for me… and you." The mauve-haired girl pulled her head away from the nurse, and Mikan found herself locking eyes with the sleepy gamer.
Was it just her, or did it get really hot all of a sudden?
"Ch-Chiaki…! You…" This was too good to be true. Did Chiaki… really mean that? Could she really believe her words? "…No. Out of everyone… I… I know you'd never hurt me. Y-You… you're always so gentle with me… more than… I've ever known. S-So… um… thank you."
"You're welcome."
A moment of silence passed between the two as they stared into each other's eyes. For as exasperated as she was, Mikan found herself mesmerized by her companion, who simply continued to smile brightly at her.
Strangely, the longer Chiaki seemed to hold her, the more this… weird sensation in her chest grew. It felt overwhelmingly warm, but at the same time, gentle in a way that words couldn't describe. These days, whenever they hung out, that same feeling would always manifest at some point, and the nurse had to wonder if she was coming down with something.
She just felt… so safe, next to Chiaki.
And Mikan found herself wanting more of that unusual feeling.
"…Chiaki?" She softly called. "C-Can I… um… Can I h-hug you back?" She was crazy to ask this, but Mikan didn't want to lose this warm sensation that now coursed through her body.
"Sure." Chiaki nodded in approval. "Go right ahead."
With shaky movements, Mikan slowly brought her slender arms around her classmate. She had never really hugged anyone before, not of her own volition, anyways, so she was incredibly afraid that she might have been doing it all wrong. Eventually, though, she found herself nervously returning the embrace, with her hands resting awkwardly atop the gamer's shoulders.
Another blush graced her cheeks. "…You're so… warm." Chiaki softly giggled in response.
They were so close now, their foreheads just inches away from each other, and she could feel Chiaki's breath on her face. What little clothing they had on barely did anything to prevent their bare skin from touching, imparting a blissful warmth between them that, until then, Mikan had never known. She had no idea that human contact could ever feel so good. So… comforting.
Hehe… I'm hugging Chiaki so closely." She internally giggled.
All her life, people had bullied her, harassed her, used her for their entertainment, and every time, Mikan believed that it was the closest she'd ever get to feeling something other than misery. It's why she always put up with it all, because it was the closest thing to kindness that she had. Now, though?
Now, Mikan found herself feeling things she thought were impossible.
She felt happy that she made a friend, something she never had before.
She felt safe from the cruel horrors of the world, more so than ever now that she was in Chiaki's arms.
She felt this wild sensation rising in her chest that kept telling her everything would be okay.
It was… a wonderful thing for her, being able to experience all these things, and she didn't want it to end. She finally had a chance to be happy, even if it was in such…miserable circumstances.
…It wasn't fair.
It wasn't fair that they had to be in a killing game.
It wasn't fair that they had to kill each other for some sick, twisted bear's amusement!
It wasn't fair that she had to fight her friend!
It wasn't fair that she had to give up her happiness!
It wasn't fair that… that…!
"…kan?! Mikan, snap out of it!"
"…H-Huh?!" Without even realizing it, Mikan suddenly found herself back inside the gamer's cabin, sweat dripping down her face as she sporadically breathed in and out. Only now did her actions finally register in her mind, and standing right there in front of her was Chiaki, who she apparently clung to as if her life depended on it. The gamer was giving her an incredibly worried look that spoke volumes as to how startled she was just now. "Ch-Chiaki… w-what's going on?!"
Chiaki tried her best to keep a straight face, but she couldn't completely hide her own distress towards the nurse. "I'm not sure, but… I think you were having a panic attack."
"P-Panic attack?"
"Yeah. You were fine a moment ago, but then you started crying all of a sudden. I tried calling your name, but you weren't responding, and… I got really worried that you wouldn't snap out of it."
"Crying? N-No, I wasn't…!" She tried to deny it, but that was a pointless gesture considering that she could very clearly feel the tears streaming down her face. Still, that hardly stopped her from making an attempt. "I-It's nothing! Nothing at all!"
She tried to flee, but instead Mikan felt her classmate's hold on her tightening in response.
"That's not very convincing." Chiaki plainly stated. She had already caught on what Mikan was trying to do. "Why are you so upset all of a sudden? Is there something you want to tell me?"
"…" She remained silent, though her body continued to tremble uncontrollably in the gamer's arms.
"Mikan… please." She looked up at her with loving eyes, like all she wanted was to keep hugging the poor girl. "I want to help you, but… I can't do that if you won't tell me what's wrong."
"…C-can we sit down, first?" Mikan meekly asked.
"Of course."
Chiaki carefully guided the frightened girl to her bed, making sure that the nurse wouldn't trip over the cables again, and the two girls settled onto the plush mattress. Mikan stayed silent, even as she sat down alongside her classmate, but kept her head down, staring idly at the floor. Chiaki's bed was the exact same as her own, and yet… it felt softer, warmer, more comfortable. Everything about it seemed… better than the one she owned.
"So… you wanted to talk to me about something?"
"Y-Yes. I did." Mikan exhaled deeply, trying to release some of her pent up anxiety before even attempting to speak. "Umm… I, um… I-I haven't been sleeping well recently. Actually, I… haven't slept for a while, now. T-This is… the second night in a row for me. I-I've tried every remedy I could think of, but none of them worked. I just… I didn't know what to do. And then… I thought that maybe if I talked to someone, t-then… I'd be able to sleep. So I-I came to see you."
Chiaki maintained her usual poker face, but her voice was laden with concern. "…That's pretty brutal, but… I totally understand how you feel."
Mikan swiftly glanced back at her. "Y-You do?"
"Yep." She nonchalantly replied. "To tell you the truth… I haven't been sleeping well either, although it's mostly cause I'm too busy playing my games. I usually just fall asleep whenever the mood hits me, but… it's been getting super difficult to do that recently." She confessed. "I take it that you're also scared of the Killing Game?"
"E-Ehh?!" Mikan let out a startled cry. "H-How did you-?!"
"That's easy. It's because… I'm scared of it too." The gamer solemnly answered as she now stared down at the ground.
"Huh?" Chiaki… was afraid? Like her? "W-What do you mean?"
"…I'm scared that the people I care about will… disappear forever. But more than that… I'm afraid that… I'm going to lose you as well."
"M-Me?! You're… afraid of losing… me? E-Eep!" Without warning, Chiaki placed her own hand onto Mikan's own, slowly intertwining her fingers with the nurse's. "Y-Your hand! Your hand is touching me!"
"Yeah." She turned to look back at her friend, sporting a faint redness on her cheeks. "I like holding your hands. They're really warm, you know? There's just something… magical about it, almost like when you get the ultra-secret spell needed to defeat the demon lord."
"O-Oh. Is that so?"
"Sure. Whenever I'm with you, I always feel really warm. It makes me want to hold your hand more often." Chiaki subtly shuffled an inch closer. "I like spending time with you. It always feels so peaceful when you're around. But... that's also the reason why I'm scared."
Chiaki shuffled even closer now, and Mikan could feel her sides pressing up against her. "I keep thinking about what would happen if you weren't around any more, and whenever I do… my heart feels like it's sinking into the ocean. I feel that way about everyone else, but… it always feels so much worse whenever you're involved. It's a feeling I'd rather not have, but it's there anyways, whether I like it or not. And it always feels so… cold. But… when I'm with you, it all goes away in an instant, and… it gives me hope. Hope that… everything will be okay in the end. As long as you're at my side… I feel like I can do anything."
Mikan had no words to describe what she'd just heard. The only things that exited her lips were the guttural, utterly incomprehensible squeaks of embarrassment and insecurity.
But that didn't stop her eyes from welling up with tears at Chiaki's sudden confession.
"Ch-Chiaki…!" Her voice cracked. It… It was too good to be true! "Y-You… Y-You really… feel that way… a-about me?"
"…I do." A faint blush graced her cheeks. "I, um… I like being with you. And I mean that… as more than a friend." That was the kicker. That was the moment Mikan's heartbeat skyrocketed to an impossibly high degree, enough to give even Ibuki's heart a run for its money.
"Chiaki… Y-You… M-M-Me… I-I…!" Mikan couldn't even formulate a response, as she was too busy having an internal crisis to speak fluently.
That feeling was back again in full force, enveloping the nurse in a blissful warmth that only got stronger as the seconds went by. For the first time in her life, she was… being accepted as a normal human being, but more than that… someone actually liked her. Quite frankly, she was honestly a bit scared. Mikan didn't know what to do with these… these… emotions! Sure, it felt wonderful to have them, but… soon, she'd have to go back to…
…dealing with reality.
Despite having these new feelings, it didn't change the fact that the Killing Game was still very much real.
It didn't change the fact that Mikan could lose her friends!
She'd have to be cold and weak and miserable and lonely all over again! That wasn't something she was ready for!
She didn't want her newfound happiness to be taken away!
An unruly despair began clouding over whatever emotions she had at that moment, inciting a few heartbreaking sobs as her body trembled immensely.
"Mikan?" Chiaki asked, taking clear notice of the timid girl's distress. She immediately recognized that the nurse was having another panic attack, only this one looked much more serious than the last. "Mikan, easy…! What's wrong?"
"I-I-I… I-I don't… I d-don't w-want t-to…" She tried to speak, but her breath was caught in her throat. Her left hand went to clutch her heart, the tears already spilling down her eyes.
And at some invisible line, something deep inside her finally snapped, and the dam of emotions she'd held back for so long came bursting out.
"I DON'T WANT TO LOSE YOU!"
In the next moment, Mikan had practically thrown herself at Chiaki, knocking the sleepy gamer onto her back while Mikan herself fell directly on top of her. The nurse's face hovered just a few short inches above the toppled girl, her long, purple hair trailing down and cascading across the plain white sheets, and the slightest shake of Mikan's shoulders sent ripples down the long fibers. Both her hands were firmly planted on both sides of the gamer's head, pinning Chiaki's upper body to the mattress while the rest of her figure was held in place by Mikan, whose legs were quickly starting to intertwine with her own. They were so close now, their bodies mashing together in a way that generated an intense warmth… but neither of them seemed to notice. Chiaki just kept staring into the nurse's sorrowful eyes, watching as the poor girl unabashedly started to cry her heart out.
"I-I can't s-s-stop thinking *hic * about the k-k-k-killing game!" Mikan choked out. "Wh-Whenever I c-close my eyes, all I-I can think about is… * sniff* is how we all h-have to k-kill ea-each other! I-I can't s-sleep… because I'm s-so scared of… of… losing the o-only few people that've been n-nice to me! I… I can't stand it!"
Mikan's breathing shifted rapidly with each word she uttered. It felt so hard to even get the vowels out, but she kept pouring every once of her willpower into speaking, as she was so afraid that if she didn't say anything now, then she'd never get another chance to confess her feelings.
"I-I don't want to lose Mahiru, *hic * I d-don't want to lose Ibuki, I-I don't want t-to lose Sonia, or Hiyoko, o-or even Hajime! But… the person I-I'm scared of losing t-the m-most is… is… you…! Y-You're t-the o-o-only p-person who's ever * hic * been s-so n-n-nice to me! Y-You never c-call me names, o-or hurt me, or… w-worse. *sniff* A-Any time I screw up, you're * hic* a-always there f-for me! You're t-the closest f-f-friend I have! I-I… I don't want to hurt you! I… I don't want to do thaaaat!"
The poor girl's sobs echoed loudly throughout the cottage, hot tears spilling down her delicate face and landing onto Chiaki, whose face held a mixture of uncertainty and concern. For once, the gamer was at a complete loss for what to do. There was nothing to hold back the tidal wave of emotions Mikan had forced herself to suppress all this time, and the nurse made no effort to stop herself.
These feelings… she knew they weren't some act she always put on so others would notice her. This uncontrollable sadness… it was real. And so was her grief. And her anxiety. And just about every other terrible sensation she felt right now.
She was letting everything out, not caring about anything else as she did so.
All her fears…
All her tears…
Everything…
And Chiaki found herself caught in the middle of it. The mauve-haired girl watched as Mikan bawled her eyes out, flinching each time one of her many tears landed on her cheeks. She wasn't any good with these types of situations. Not one bit.
And yet… almost instinctively, she knew exactly what to do.
Chiaki extended both her arms, gently wrapping them around the nurse's back before slowly pulling her in closer. Mikan's head soon came to be cushioned atop her ample chest, and while the wailing girl initially bristled at the contact, she slowly but surely relaxed in Chiaki's caring hold.
"It's okay… I'm here for you. Just let it all out." She wanted Mikan to know that she was there for her. That she wasn't alone.
Chiaki gingerly stroked at her long, uneven hair as she continued to cry into her bosom, staining her thin tank top with countless tears. Occasionally, the nurse would mumble something incoherently, but for the most part, she just kept sobbing.
They stayed like that for a while, about 10 minutes or so, until at last, Mikan had finally exhausted all herself of tears. She nervously peered upwards to see Chiaki give her a warm smile, the sight of which made her cheeks flare brightly. Only now did she realize how close their bodies had gotten.
"Did that help?" Mikan shakily nodded her head. "I see. That's good."
The timid nurse had to admit that she felt a lot better now. It felt so therapeutic, pouring her heart out to someone who cared deeply for her own well-being. Chiaki had this… calming effect on her fragile sense of mind.
Maybe… all this time, she just needed a friendly shoulder to cry on. And who better to do that than with the compassionate girl lying beneath her?
"You know… If you're still scared, you can stay over for the night. I don't mind." Chiaki graciously offered.
"A… A-Are you s-sure?" Even though she knew the gamer did care for her, Mikan wanted to make sure that what she heard wasn't simply a figment of her imagination.
"Of course I'm sure. You're special to me, and… I want to keep you safe."
Mikan paused for a moment, thinking everything over in her mind, until a faint, nervous smile appeared on her face. "O-Ok. I-I… um… I'd like that a lot."
Following their shared consent, the two girls went through a brief period of detangling themselves from one another, trying to get more comfortable on the bed. Mikan carefully shuffled off of Chiaki, the gamer finally releasing her from their tearful hug, and made her way over to the left side of the mattress, pulling up the white comforter and slipping underneath the all-encompassing sheet. Chiaki, in turn, took the right side, and proceeded to crawl under the covers as well.
The twin-sized bed frame provided virtually no sort of breathing room for their arms and legs, as it was only ever designed to be large enough for one whole person. Skin contact between the pair was inevitable, especially considering how little clothing they each wore. With every slight bristle, some other part of their bodies touched, and each time it happened, both girls would feel a rush of heat surge within them.
Yet despite the great amount of elation it brought her, Mikan still found herself worrying about everything. A tiny part of her couldn't completely let go of her deep-rooted reservations.
"Are you still scared?" Chiaki spoke up amidst the darkness.
"Umm… M-Maybe a little." Mikan fidgeted a bit beneath the covers, pondering whether or not to go through with an idea that popped into her head. "Hey, Chiaki… C-Can… Can I… please hold you? I… I feel better whenever you hold me."
The gamer gave a reassuring nod. Slowly, Mikan drew nearer to her dear classmate, slipping her slender arms around Chiaki's waist, her hands resting just above the sleepy girl's plush hips. Chiaki, in turn, expressed a similar desire to hold the nurse, and she also began wrapping her own arms around her curvaceous torso. Their faces were so close now, and the overwhelmingly soft sensation of their bodies mashing together felt irresistible. They started nuzzling against each other more and more, tangling their smooth legs together as a great warmth overcame them.
Chiaki gave her another reassuring smile, one that seemed to easily melt away her despair. And in that moment, a tender thought crossed the nurse's thoughts.
Hehe… I… I think… I'm in love.
Mikan found the feeling all but intoxicating, but at the same time, she was frightened by it. She felt Chiaki's heartbeat through her clothes along with that of her own pounding vibrantly in her ears. This all felt so new, so… unknown to her, and she couldn't help but feel very out of her element.
"You still look worried."
"N-No… it's just…" Mikan quietly sputtered out. "M-My heart… it feels like… like it's going to jump out of my chest at any moment. I-I… I've never felt it do something like this before, and… I-I don't know what to do about it. A-All I know is that… i-it happens… whenever I look at you, and… it makes me feel so cozy inside."
"You feel cozy… whenever you look at me?"
Mikan nervously nodded. "Y-Yes. I-I feel… happy, just being by your side, but… I-I don't know what to do w-with these… these… feelings I have."
"…I think I have an idea." Chiaki claimed as a playful grin appeared on her face.
"Eh? Y-You do? What is it--Mmmph?!!"
In an instant, Chiaki had deftly closed the gap between the two, and before Mikan could say anything more, she planted an unexpected kiss on the timid girl's lips. The nurse let out a small squeal, clearly exasperated by the gamer's apparent boldness, but found herself unable to tear herself away from Chiaki as a massive jolt coursed through her body. Her body heat instantly flared at the soft touch of her classmate's lips, with her body temperature now akin to someone running a very high fever, but she lacked the symptoms of harboring an illness.
It's not as if this was her first kiss, but… compared to all those other times, nothing else in the world felt so amazing. Chiaki was being so gentle with her, gentler than anybody else in her life. Her very soul was awash in this blissful sensation that made her feel so alive.
And deep down… she wanted more of that feeling.
Moments later, their lips parted, and Mikan found herself blushing like crazy as she stared wide-eyed at the mauve-haired girl, who simply grinned back at her as her face turned beet red as well.
"Ch-Ch-Chiaki…! Y-You… You… You k-ki… kissed… me…!" Her face was as bright as a tomato, and Mikan could feel her heartbeat go into complete overdrive. The moist feeling of Chiaki's tender lips against her own was still fresh, and their brief contact made her go absolutely crazy as she tried to process this wild, throbbing sensation in her chest.
In all honesty, she thought she might have been having a heart attack.
"Did that make you feel better?"
"I-I'm… n-n-not sure." She sputtered out, barely able to speak at all. "M-M-Maybe… Maybe j-just… one more?"
"…Sure."
The two girls leaned in closer once more, wrapped tightly together in each other's embrace. Mikan could feel Chiaki's warm breath pelt her skin, and when the moment drew near, she ceremoniously closed her eyes, letting her body move on its own as if in a trance.
And there, for the second time that night, their lips met, and it felt every bit as wonderful as it did before.
Mikan didn't try to curl away from the encounter, instead melting right into the sweetness of Chiaki's lips, enjoying every second they spent locked in one another's loving hold. All her worries seemed to disappear, leaving only a bright, burning feeling in her chest that left her craving it even more.
Was this… what it was like to love someone? To trust them with all your heart?
If so, she could get addicted to this.
A solid minute went by, until finally, they parted once more, not because they wanted to stop, but because they needed air. Mikan was practically beaming at this point, as she was beyond overjoyed to find someone who accepted her. It was something she never would have thought to be possible in such circumstances, but here she was, kissing another girl who no doubt shared her feelings of admiration. And the look on Chiaki's face was absolutely radiant.
"How… was that?" She asked, still trying to catch her breath. "I don't know a lot about romance, but… couples usually kiss, don't they?"
"C-Couple…" Mikan's heart skipped a beat. "Y-You really… want to be with me?"
"…I do." As if to prove it, Chiaki nuzzled her head into Mikan's generous chest, letting the nurse's softness envelop her still form as a low yawn escaped her. "Everything feels less scary when I'm with you. You make me feel so… hopeful, that things will get better. I want… to be with you. Is that okay?"
"Y-Yes! Yes, o-of course that's okay!" Mikan quietly shouted. "I-I'll do it, then! From now on, I'll be your exclusive nurse! You can leave all the nursing to me, and… you can do anything you want with me! I'll even let you use my chest as a pillow whenever we're sleeping together! So, please… stay with me forever…!"
The gamer's eyes slowly started to close, her tiredness finally catching up to her as her breathing began to slow. But even then, as Chiaki peacefully drifted off into a deep slumber, she still managed to utter out:
"I… promise…"
And with that, Chiaki happily collapsed into the nurse's plush body, perfectly content to stay next to her for the rest of the night. Mikan watched her new girlfriend quietly snore, a genuine smile forming on her face right as a wave of exhaustion washed over her whole being as well. The inviting call of the mattress felt impossible to resist, especially now that she was tangled against Chiaki's warm, plush body, and the purple-haired girl could feel her eyes finally start to flutter shut.
She really never expected things to play out like this, but… tonight was quite possibly the best night of her life. And it was all because of the beautiful, compassionate girl in her arms who had freed her from her despair.
"Chiaki… " Mikan softly spoke, feeling her body grow heavier with each passing second. "Thank you… for being the one… to forgive… me…"
And with that final statement, Mikan felt the last of her consciousness slip away, drifting off into a blissful sleep, cuddling her beloved in her arms.
That night, Mikan dreamed vividly of 8-bit sheep.