Chapter Text
Today is gonna be a bad day, Sam can feel it. Dad’s last hunt went badly, a haunting that turned out to just be a kid’s prank gone too far, and now he’s itchy. They’re all itchy. The cold winter months keep Sam indoors and while Dean’s okay with that it drives Sam nuts. He knows he’s fidgeting but he just can’t help it.
“Sam.”
Dad’s voice is like a blunt knife. Sam drags his eyes away from the door and stifles a sigh.
“You watchin this? One day it’ll save your life”, his dad says, gesturing with his beer at the opposite bed where Dean is assembling and disassembling a gun, again.
Sam can barely keep the sullen note out of his voice when he replies.
“Yes, sir”
Dean throws him a cautionary look, one of the secret language of expressions they’ve developed over the years that says ‘Don’t push him, not today’. Sam gives the briefest of nods in acknowledgement, and tries to focus.
“See Sammy? You just slide this on here, safety’s there, and you’re good to go”, Dean says, demonstrating the technique for him.
Sam flashes him a smile, he knows Dean’s trying to help him out explaining.
“Yeah okay, I think I got it. Show me one more time?”
CRACK
Dad’s backhand almost knocks Sam clean off the bed before he catches himself. There’s the metal taste of blood in his mouth.
“You pay attention the first time, understand?”, Dad says, as though nothing happened. As though he’s the calmest man in the world.
Behind Dad Sam can see Dean is on his feet and for a moment Sam thinks he might do something, but he’s back on the bed when Dad turns around. Their eyes meet for a second, Sam’s full of unshed tears of rage, Dean white with shock or fury, it’s hard to tell. He’s always had more self-control than Sam. Better at faking it.
A beat passes.
“Uhh Dad, can you go pick up some more beers for later? We’re almost out. I can get Sam up to scratch while you’re gone”, Dean says. If Sam hadn’t seen his face a moment ago he’d totally believe the casual tone, the relaxed hands on the bed.
Sam focuses on breathing, keeps his eyes fixed on the floor. There’s a grunt, and then Dad picks up his keys and walks out the door. They both sit there until the car engine roars, and then Dean’s on his knees in front of Sam.
“He hurt you? Show me Sammy”, he says urgently, but Sam doesn’t want to, not until he’s got the impulse to cry under control. Dean’s insistent though, so after a minute he tilts his chin up and lets the hair fall away for Dean to check him over.
Dean puts two fingers gently on Sam’s cheek and pushes, making Sam hiss.
“Alright well, it’s not broken. Goddammit Sammy why couldn’t you just pay attention?”
Dean doesn’t sound mad, just upset, same way he is every time Sam and Dad fight. Sam doesn’t even know the answer really, but then it wasn’t really a question.
“Its not fair.” Sam can’t hide the little hiccuping sob when he says it, knows it makes him sound childish but it’s okay with Dean.
Dean’s head is down and Sam can see the tension ripple across his shoulders.
“Life’s not fair. You know that”, he replies roughly, looking at Sam properly again. “Look, why don’t you get into bed, I’ll tell Dad you felt sick or whatever, he’ll have cooled off by the morning.”
Sam raises his eyebrows.
“Yeah, like he’ll believe that”, he replies sarcastically.
“I’ll make him believe it. Cmon, before he gets back.”
Sam shrugs. Better than trying to learn this weapons stuff while his head is still ringing.
He’s barely got the covers over his shoulders before Dad walks in again. There’s a pause as he clocks that Sam isn’t where he’s meant to be, and Dean’s standing between the bed and Dad, hiding Sam a little.
“Thought you said he’d be ready?”, Dad says, harsh but with a slight hesitation in his voice that makes Sam wonder.
The silence that follows is just a little too long, before it breaks with the sound of a gun cocking.
“Sam had to go to bed.”
Another long, long pause. Sam holds his breath and tries to be invisible.
Dean again. “There’s a game on, wanna watch?”
Finally Sam hears his dad move. The sound of cans being deposited on the motel table.
“Put it on”, Dad says.
A moment later the TV blares into life and Sam feels rather than hears Dean start to pack up the weapons stuff. As he shoves the duffle under Sam’s bed, he squeezes Sam’s shoulder just for a second, and then turns away.
It’s the first time Sam’s felt his brother shaking.