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Today was one of those days where nothing seemed to go right for Jongdae. He’d gotten scolded by his boss, spilled coffee on his sweater, and it rained unexpectedly so he’s soaked to the bone. He enters his apartment with a sigh, dumping his bag onto the ground and nearly slumping to the ground himself.
He shuffles into the bedroom and reaches into a drawer pulling out his favorite hoodie. He brings it up to his nose to breathe in the comforting scent before swapping his stained sweater for it. He switches his jeans to sweatpants and tugs on some fuzzy socks. Letting himself sit for a moment on the bed, he tucks his nose into the fabric of the hoodie and just breathes, willing his tense muscles to relax a bit.
Once his frazzled nerves felt a bit calmer, he pads into the kitchen and sets the kettle on the stove to boil some water. He opens the cabinet to fish out the hot-chocolate mix and once again curses the world. How did the container get onto the top shelf? Sighing, he drags over the little hot pink princess stool (a gift from Sehun) and stretches his arm as far as it’ll go. Mix in hand he clambers back down muttering about stupid tall people making stupidly tall cabinets.
Thankfully, the rest of the beverage making process goes smoothly and Jongdae is able to settle in on the couch with his hot chocolate between his sweater paws and reruns of the Return of Superman on the TV. He takes a sip and feels the warmth spread throughout his body. Yes. This is peak self-care.
He’s not sure how much time has passed when he hears Chanyeol enter the apartment. The sound of a bag hitting the floor, a thud and a muffled curse reach his ears and he realizes that his bag must have caused Chanyeol to trip. He grimaces and hunches his shoulders, the negative feelings surging back with a vengeance. He can never do anything right. He’s just a problem and a nuisance to everyone around him. He’s a waste of space.
A voice brings him out of his spiral. “Hey babe, sorry about that. You know how clumsy I can be.” He feels a kiss being pressed into his hair and watches as Chanyeol walks back into their bedroom. He sets his drink on the table in front of him and looks down at his hands fiddling with the edges of his sleeves while he waits for Chanyeol to come back out.
He doesn’t look up until he feels Chanyeol settle on the couch next to him. Chanyeol’s arm loops around to rest in its customary place across his shoulders and he pulls Jongdae in to hold him close for a moment. Jongdae let’s himself be pulled into the embrace and turns his face into the juncture between Chanyeol’s neck and shoulder, letting out a shuddery breath. He feels Chanyeol’s head turn and his lips press into his hair once again, lingering this time as he takes a breath as well. Chanyeol pulls away slightly to look down at Jongdae as he softly asks, “Bad day?”
Not wanting to worry him, Jongdae replies in a small voice, “No, it was fine. I’m just… really tired I think.” Chanyeol looks at him for a long moment before sighing and saying “I feel that. Today seemed to just last forever. I think I went too hard at the gym yesterday too; my shoulders are super sore.” At that, Jongdae sits up and spreads his legs, patting the space between them while looking at his boyfriend expectantly. Chanyeol’s eyes move between Jongdae’s face and the space quizzically for a moment before moving onto the floor facing him.
Realizing what his motions were interpreted as, Jongdae blushes and smacks his shoulder, saying “I’m saying I’ll give you a massage you dummy”. Chanyeol coughs and turns around while saying “Right, yeah of course, thanks love.” Jongdae giggles a bit at that which causes the taller to look over his shoulder with a small smile on his face.
Straightening his back and placing his hands on his boyfriend’s strong shoulders, Jongdae begins kneading his thumbs into the knots under his skin. He moves them in slow circles applying enough pressure to work through them but not so much it’s painful. He feels Chanyeol sigh and relax under his touch and a small sense of accomplishment fills his chest. He could at least do this right.
He continues his ministrations as the two of them watch the set of twins on the TV get into mischief once again. After a while Chanyeol takes one of his hands, squeezing it lightly. Jongdae takes that as a sign to stop so he cards his fingers through his boyfriend’s hair slowly, relishing the feel of its softness. Chanyeol tips his head back to rest on his thigh and looks up at him, his gaze searching but for what, Jongdae doesn’t know. Chanyeol asks in a soft voice, “Have I told you I love you yet today?”
It’s something that he says often, something Jongdae can typically laugh off with a little teasing of no you haven’t, what a horrible boyfriend you are, and yet today, today when Jongdae is so tired, so small, so full of self-loathing, he feels tears collect in his eyes. A look of alarm crosses Chanyeol’s face when he sees this, and immediately Jongdae’s wrapped in a strong embrace.
Chanyeol pulls him into his arms and lays them down on the couch. Jongdae presses his face against his strong chest and takes a few shaky breaths. The tears leak out from his eyes when he feels the arms holding him tighten around him in response. One of Chanyeol’s hands moves up to the back of his head, stroking his hair softly while the other rubs slowly up and down his back.
He tries to focus on the feeling of those hands, of the scent of Chanyeol, the heat of his body warming his own, the sound of his voice as he whispers things like I love you, you’re the best thing that has ever happened to me, you’re so beautiful, you’re so smart, I’m so proud of you. It takes time but eventually he’s able to stop the flow of his tears and wiggle a little in Chanyeol’s arms.
Chanyeol’s hold on him loosens and Jongdae turns his head up to look into his eyes. He nearly starts crying again at the sight of the amount of love with a tinge of worry in them. Chanyeol’s hand cups his cheek and his thumb begins to slowly wipe the tears away. He leans forward to place a soft kiss on Jongdae’s forehead, then to his temple, then across his cheekbone and on the tip of his nose before pulling away and staring into his eyes.
“I love you,” he says as he looks at Jongdae like he’s the most precious item in the universe. Jongdae is just barely able to croak out an “I love you” in response.
Chanyeol rearranges them so that he’s on his back with Jongdae pressed up against his side. He has his arm securely wrapped around Jongdae’s shoulders to keep him close, and the other hand is holding Jongdae’s smaller one on his stomach. His thumb moves back and forth comfortingly on Jongdae’s hand as he stutters out everything that happened that day, letting out all of the frustration at the world and at himself. Whenever his voice gets a little too shaky the hand holding his gives a squeeze and there’s a kiss pressed into his hair.
The two lay there wrapped up together as Jongdae lets himself hurt, lets himself feel it and then lets Chanyeol help ease that hurt bit by bit. Chanyeol is solid, a tangible, steady rock in the midst of Jongdae’s swirling emotions spilling out from all the cracks that had formed throughout the day. He doesn’t get swept away in the chaos, his eyes never lose their fondness as Jongdae opens up about all of his insecurities, all of his doubts. He stays. He continues to love Jongdae through the pain and Jongdae thinks that in this moment he loves him more than he ever has.
A grumble from Chanyeol’s stomach rouses them from their position, Jongdae heating up some leftovers in the microwave with Chanyeol latched onto his back, arms around his waist and cheek resting on top of the smaller’s head. They eat in front of the TV, sides pressed together and Chanyeol’s ankle hooked around Jongdae’s.
Soon after they get ready for bed, Jongdae opting to stay in his current attire rather than change into pajamas. To that Chanyeol chuckles and says, “I’ll go out and get you your own if you like the hoodie so much.” Jongdae fists his hands in the front of it and pouts, saying “It’s my favorite because it’s yours.” And then of course Chanyeol had no choice but to tackle the smaller onto the bed, causing him to let out a yelp.
The two laughed, Chanyeol stopping first to look down at the love of his life beneath him. Jongdae makes an inquisitive noise when he opens his eyes from how they’d been squeezed shut in laughter and sees Chanyeol staring at him fondly. In response Chanyeol just says, “There’s the smile that I love so much,” and he leans down to press a kiss to those still smiling lips.
That night they sleep with Chanyeol curved along Jongdae’s back, an arm slung around his waist and nose against his neck. And Jongdae sleeps better than he has in a while, feeling safe in his lover’s embrace, and secure in the fact that no matter how bad his days get, he’ll always have Chanyeol to come home to.