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Diluc was a bitter man, that much is obvious. He was bitter, aloof, distant, never letting anyone in after his father’s death. He does not like idle talk or going around the bushes. Straight forward and blunt, his eyes that look ever so bored land on you, Lisa’s helper. You were nothing special, really. He met you a year after your father’s death, on your birthday. You were the same age as him but looked somewhat younger, with a cheerful yet shy personality and a positive outlook on life. You were everything he was not.
He didn’t hate you. If anything, he found you as an annoyance, at most, with that bubbly smile you would show everyone, shy glances towards someone if they got too close for comfort. Shy with the public, playful when the door is shut. He guessed it was normal. You were liked well enough in the city he hardly considers home now, the city of freedom reminding him that in a sense, he does not have any. Freedom requires a certain amount of happiness, it requires acceptance from thyself, letting go of the past and not to allow it to affect the present or future.
Diluc is not possible of doing that.
He’s not willing to let go, he’s not willing to change. If that is the cost of freedom, then freedom is something he will never have.
--
“You know, if you stare any harder, you might actually burn holes through her back.” Kaeya was always one for teasing, no matter who it is. He smiles when the redhead glances at him for a moment, before filling up a glass of grape juice and sliding it towards the knight. “It’s on the house. Drink up.” Kaeya, of course, frowns slightly at the drink hates oh so much, before mumbling ‘Who drinks juice at a bar?’
“(name) has been oddly cute today, hasn’t she?” the question sounded innocent enough, but the twinkling in that star-shaped pupil said otherwise. “What do you mean?” Diluc’s response was nonchalant, and to anyone who didn’t know him well enough, they would have thought he was just asking out of confusion and not slight jealously. They’re not right, of course.
Or maybe he just doesn’t want to admit it.
“She’s been cute all day today. Don’t you agree?” a slight smirk as he teases his brother some more, wanting to see his reaction.
“No.”
That was not the reaction he expected nor wanted.
--
It was sunny. Sunny and hot, sweat building up on his temples, long red hair getting in the way along with his black coat and gloves. Maybe he should listen to you once in a while, changing into something lighter and not black. “Master Diluc, Sir Kaeya is here to visit you, along with someone else.” He was already outside, and already saw the two of you before he was even told of your visit. “Let them in…well, let them back here. They already saw me anyway.”
The servant, an elderly man, nods his head before doing as the younger one says. Radishes, tomatoes, wheat, potatoes, cabbages –
“That’s a lot you have there, Diluc. Do you need any help carrying it?” he didn’t expect you to show up right by his side. He expected Kaeya to do that, to annoy him, but he didn’t think that you would manage to slip in by him. “No but thank you. Why don’t you head inside with sir Kaeya?”
At his suggestion, you only tilt your head, blinking in confusion. “? ‘Sir’ Keaya? Oh. I actually forgot he was a captain…” He never realized a soft hue of red on your cheeks would look so cute.
--
“Sometimes I question my sanity when it comes to you.” “How flattering.”
Red and blue clash together as the two males sit side by side and drink together for once. The knight with the former one, talking like normal people for once. Kaeya smiles at his brother. “One day, you’ll regret it, you know?” the question was more of a statement. “Regret what?” The tan man finishes up his drink before standing up and heading towards the door, pausing his actions.
“You’ll regret not accepting it, and not telling her.”
--
Winter is something he’s not that found of. It’s harder to use his Pyro, harder to resist the urge to sleep in and forget about Dawn Winery. Snow gently falls, and red eyes watch it from the window by his bedside. The sun was out but covered by the heavy clouds that make snow fall, the snowflakes landing on anything and everything. With a sigh, he gets up and ready, dressing in his day clothes and prepares for the day, stretching with a small groan. When he looks back at the bed, it looks emptier than what it should be.
He shouldn’t have let you take a nap on the day before.
The pillows smelt like you, the covers did too. A flowery scent that soothes him to his core. Last night was the best sleep he’s had in a while, and he can’t tell if it was by chance or because of your lingering scent that clings to the bedsheets. If it was the latter, then he should be more careful next time. You were at most, a distant friend he won’t let in. And he would rather keep it that way.
He just wished he hadn’t dreamt of holding you in his arms.
--
The next time he saw you was during a stormy day. A blizzard that had you running from the road to his home once again. Originally, you had visit to deliver a letter from Kaeya, the Cryo user saying that the weather would be under control. That there would be no blizzard today, that it would take only a moment. Well, that was a lie. What he was scheming should have been obvious, given the way he smirked at you beforehand, saying that if you wanted to, you could take your sweet time.
Keaya was a scheming son of a bitch, that’s for sure.
“Sorry that you have to deal with me for a little while longer…” The fireplace roars with life, bright orange and red flames dancing together. The heat is comfortable as much as it is welcomed. Diluc leaves the room for a moment to get a blanket for you, a soft and fluffy pink one that was a gift from an elderly woman. His shoes feel heavier than usual when he walks back to you, draping the blanket over your shoulders.
“It’s fine. But please do be more carful when sir Keaya asks you to run an errand. You never know with him, honestly.” You weren’t a knight, you were a simple librarian assistant and Lisa’s favorite little helper. Maybe that’s why he can stand you more then others, at first. But as the years went by, it wasn’t like that anymore.
And it scares him.
“Join me under the cover?” you spread your arm outwards, gesturing for him to sit with you by the fireplace and underneath the pink and fluffy blanket. He’s tempted to join you, but he rather not do anything that might cross the line of being just friends.
“I have work to do around the house.”
--
He’s not sure if this ‘crush’ is just a crush anymore if he’s being honest.
Is he in love?
His father would always say that love is both beautiful and painful. It’s beautiful because it teaches you new things and shows you a better side of the world. It allows you to be ‘free’ if it’s pure, genuine love. nut it can also be painful, your heart heavy as you realize you’ll never have it.
If Diluc was in love with you, it’ll only break him in the end.
--
You were a virgin, and he wasn’t.
A little too drunk, the night will be filled with sin, blood will stain his covers. The two of you won’t remember anything at first, memories falling into place as time moves on. You won’t remember the pain that comes first, you won’t remember how it fully feels. You won’t remember how heated the kisses were, or how he kept mumbling into your neck, groaning here and there with little kisses and nibbles to it. You won’t fully remember the way he felt inside you.
And Diluc won’t remember how it felt inside you, he won’t remember the sting of your nails raking down his back. He won’t fully remember the way you cried and whimpered, or how you tugged at his hair and asked him to go faster. He won’t fully remember the way you moaned his name.
When the sun comes up, the only thing that will remain is regret.
--
Washing your blood off the covers was something he never thought he would do. Nor was getting drunk beyond his limit, and sleep with you. When he woke up before you, he thought he was dreaming, at first. You were cradled in his arms, head snuggled into his collarbone. You just looked so peaceful and felt so warm in the middle of winter. He didn’t want to get up and he didn’t want to leave. So, he stayed, believing that this was only a dream until he realized that the both of you were fully naked, flinging off the cover without thinking.
This of course, woke you up almost immediately. At first, you were confused, wondering where you were and why your lower body felt sore. It wasn’t until you took a good look around the room did the reality of things hit you harder than an Anemo slime
You rushed out after getting half-dressed, leaving him to stare at the bright red blood stain on his white sheets.
--
He didn’t see you for half a month after that. He thought it was because of the events of that night, and he didn’t blame you for it. He got too drunk for his own good and took your virginity. Something that you once said in passing, you wanted to give to your husband when you finally get married. He took that away from you. He wasn’t even your lover.
It was a night full of mistakes and regret.
“Master Diluc, Sir Keaya has come to visit.”
--
The next time he saw you was during a party, Keaya’s arm wrapped around your waist. He can feel his heart shatter, but he bit his tongue and never mentioned it. But the knight noticed it. he noticed and poked fun at him before revealing the reason the two of you were even like this.
“I denied a date from a young woman, but she wouldn’t back off. So, I asked (name) here to be my date just for tonight.”
“I see.”
Only an idiot would not be able to see the relief that fell upon his face.
--
You kissed him under the night sky with stars and fireflies. He kissed back gently, confused and uncertain if he was even doing this right. It’s been so long since he had a sober kiss, he forgot what to do. The kiss was not as passionate as it could have been, it was slow and gentle. When he pulls back, a trial of saliva connects the two of you.
“Are we more then friends?”
Diluc was not a romantic as many played him out to be. He was not a romantic, and he was not sure of how to do such things. Keaya was a romantic. Maybe he should ask for some tips, next time.
“Yes.”
In order to love you have to be free. In order to be free, you have to let go.
Diluc wasn’t willing to let go at first, but for you, he’ll try.
For you, he’s willing to become free.