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Kageyama has always been a vivid dreamer. He remembers waking up when he's little, terrified of the images he can still see behind his eyelids, crawling into bed with his mother. It's not only nightmares, of course; he has good dreams, sweet dreams, dreams about living in candy houses and being the world's greatest volleyball player, but it's the bad ones that stick with him the longest, make him keep lights on for weeks after.
As he gets older, of course, he no longer needs a light, and his dreams start to be less about candies and monsters and more about forgetting to put pants on for school and not turning his homework in on time. He still dreams about volleyball, wakes up feeling refreshed and invigorated and ready to practice his heart out.
And then his toss falls flat on the court, the noise echoing loud in the hollow gym.
It's no big deal, he tells himself, and during the day he can pretend it's not well enough. He knows it's his fault, he knows he fucked up, he knows he can't make up for it. He can get better, he tells himself, he doesn't need them, he can do this all on his own. When his head hits the pillow and his eyes slip closed, though, his dreams are taken over by shadowy faces, the noise of the ball ringing like a gunshot in an empty gym, and when he calls out there's nobody there.
These are the dreams he has most often; dreams of jeering ex-teammates and his old nickname and something clawing at him, keeping him rooted to the spot and unable to move. He grimaces when he wakes up, eyes snapping open in the darkness, and he's able to calm himself down by reminding himself where he is (bed) what he's doing (sleeping) and what he doesn't need to think about anymore (everything, everything). It's something he can live with, and something he hopes will go away over time.
And then he goes to Karasuno, and meets Hinata.
Technically, they are meeting for the second time, but this is the first time he really, really sees him, raw determination that he's honed over the time since that match. He still isn't good by any means, and Kageyama resents him, holds onto that irritation he feels at Hinata's perseverance and clashing personality. He just has to make the team, he tells himself. Things will be different this time. He'll be great, he can do it. Hinata's just a small hurdle to be jumped.
Hinata hits his toss.
It sends shockwaves through Kageyama's body, something warm and cold settling in the pit of his stomach to see Hinata's hand flash, slam against the ball, and then it's hitting the other side of the court and the entire room is quiet. Even Hinata looks shocked, eyes wide and bright and staring at his hand in awe. Kageyama stares, too, at the short ball of energy to his side, feeling his body heat up when Hinata looks up at him and their eyes lock.
Hinata had hit his toss.
I can do this, he tells himelf, with Hinata. Hinata can hit my tosses. He won't have the dream anymore, he tells himself, because Hinata jumps high enough to connect, every time, blindly trusting Kageyama to bring the ball to where his hand will be. It's strange to have someone put that much faith in him, and it sends a feeling through Kageyama that he isn't familiar with.
As they get closer, learn to work together, Kageyama wakes up refreshed and dreamless for the first time in a while. It's weird, but not unpleasant, and in the morning he races Hinata to the gym and feels like a new person. He starts to lose sight of his goal to be the best alone, starts to practice with Hinata more and more, eats lunch with him and shares food with him (sometimes against his will), and he starts to forget what a fuck up he was in middle school, and how it feels to be afraid.
Xxx
The dreams start again, but this time they're worse. This time, among the shadowy faces is Hinata, eyes dull and dark and full of contempt. Kageyama's toss hits the floor with a sickening thud and then Hinata turns his back and walks away, calling over his shoulder something that sounds too much like “king”. He wakes up in cold sweats, flicking the light on and remembering he's not like that, now. Hinata wouldn't do that to him.
But he doesn't know for sure. He doesn't know how long it will take Hinata to get fed up with him, to turn his back and leave like his old team had. It's only a matter of time, he starts to tell himself, before Hinata learns he's better off without me. I'm the one who needs Hinata, he's the only one who can hit my tosses. Hinata would be fine without him, he'd learn; he has the raw skill and determination. Kageyama hates to admit it, but he knows.
He starts losing sleep at night again, and gradually even Hinata starts to notice. It's small at first, Hinata shooting curious glances at him as they walk together, like he's trying to spot what's different. “Did you get a haircut?” he'll ask, and Kageyama grunts and doesn't say it's the circles under his eyes.
“I don't sleep well sometimes,” he finally ends up telling Hinata one day, when they're walking home together. Practice had been abysmal, he'd kept failing their quick, and Hinata's sullen pout has finally drawn it out of him. The way Hinata frowns makes him wish he hadn't said anything, because it's embarrassing to still be getting stupid nightmares at his age.
He doesn't tell Hinata about the nightmares, though. He leaves it to his imagination to figure out what keeps Kageyama from sleeping well, makes him dread going to sleep at night sometimes. And of course it's not every night, but it happens often enough that it makes Kageyama miserable.
Xxx
Hinata finds out eventually. With how close they're getting, it's not surprising, but Kageyama's stomach churns when Hinata finally catches him awake one night during training camp. Their futons are pressed together, at Hinata's insistence (“If a ghost comes, I want it to take you first”), and with Hinata's arm flung over Kageyama's waist and leg pressed between his knees, it's no wonder he wakes up. Kageyama tries to keep his breathing steady, tries to push the image of a dead-eyed Hinata staring at him in disappointment, telling him he's awful while the rest of their team assents. Hinata is a deep sleeper, so he figures he'll be okay if he can just settle down.
It's weird to have someone pressed so close to him the way Hinata is, but it's something the entire team has come to know about. Hinata is a roller, a clinger, a kicker. He ends up tangled in his sheets halfway off his futon, or clinging to whoever ends up sleeping next to him if they're close enough. If he had been just a little further away, hadn't had his cheek pressed to Kageyama's back, maybe it would have been fine.
But it's not, and Kageyama's stomach drops when he hears Hinata's sleepy, muffled voice.
“Kageyama?” It's soft and warm with drowsiness, like he's still half-asleep. “Do you have to pee?”
It almost makes Kageyama laugh; he does manage a sort of breathy snort through his nose. “No, stupid, go back to sleep.”
Hinata presses his cheek to Kageyama's back again, and he thinks he's in the clear and Hinata will drift off quickly, but seconds later there's a rustling as Hinata's arm slips from around his waist (don't leave) and Hinata sits up. He rubs at his eyes.
“Your heartbeat,” he says, “Are you okay?”
Kageyama wants to say yes, I'm okay. He wants to tell Hinata it's nothing, he doesn't have nightmares involving him over stupid things like messing up on his old team. It's the most ridiculous thing to be scared of, and he knows it, but the thought of Hinata turning his back has his heart hammering in his chest again. He also wants to say no, I'm not okay, to spill his guts to the person he's strangely become close to.
He can't say either, so he just lies there until Hinata sighs and slides back down. He should really be moving back to his own futon, but he doesn't seem to care. Kageyama is resigned to it and wants to try to go back to sleep, but before he can there's a small, warm hand against his back.
“Natsu has bad dreams sometimes,” he says, voice still sleepy, and Kageyama seriously resents being compared to Hinata's kid sister. “Shut up, I mean...not just Natsu. I do, too.” He sounds properly embarrassed at this, voice sulky, so Kageyama keeps quiet.
Hinata's hand starts to move up and down his back, and nothing Kageyama tells himself can get him to move. It's warm, slow, and soft, and even when he was little his mother had never done this for him; it's strange and new and he sort of likes it.
Kageyama doesn't know when he falls asleep, but when he wakes up there's sunlight streaming in through the windows and Hinata pressed up against his side, drool seeping through the fabric of his shirt. It's not the most ideal position to be in, and Kageyama's about to grumble and move away, when he realizes something: he'd slept straight through without any dreams.
It's almost an isolated incident, one that Kageyama really is grateful for but would probably forget all about if not for Hinata spending the night a few weeks later. He wakes up in the middle of the night, sweaty and panicked and peering over the bed to see if Hinata is still there, the image of him turning his back and walking away still fresh in his sleep-hazy mind. He's expecting to see Hinata cocooned in blankets as he'd been when they had fallen asleep, maybe a little more sprawled out.
What he's not expecting to see is Hinata's wide eyes staring back at him.
“Hey,” he says, blankets around his chin. “Did you have a bad dream? You were making noises in your sleep.”
That's a first for Kageyama; he's never been vocal about it before, and the fact makes his cheeks burn, something he's glad the darkness can hide. He snaps a “shut up” and turns his back to Hinata, settling back under the covers. His face is still hot and his stomach is twisting, because what if Hinata finds out what a stupid, stupid fear he has, and then the bed is suddenly dipping and cold air slips against Kageyama's legs as the blankets are pulled back enough for Hinata to slide his smaller body in beside Kageyama's.
He tenses at first, but the heat from Hinata's body and the soft hair tickling Kageyama's neck tells his muscles to relax, and they do. Hinata's legs brush against his own, and it's weird, probably, for two boys to be sleeping together like this, but Hinata is warm and soft and smells good, and his soft exhales make Kageyama feel safer. He tries calling out to him after a few minutes, a whispered “Hinata” in the darkness, and when there's no response he feels like it's safe to roll himself over. For some reason, he wants to see Hinata's face.
It takes a moment for his eyes to adjust to the dark, but when they do they're so close he can see the lashes against Hinata's cheeks, the way his face is pressed up against the pillow (Kageyama's pillow), the way his lips part just enough for some drool to begin to bead at the corner of his mouth. It should be disgusting, but Kageyama doesn't care.
He watches Hinata's face until he finally falls asleep, and when he wakes up they're twisted together, Hinata's head against his chest.
Every time after that, when they share a room, Hinata wordlessly clambers into Kageyama's bed or pats the sheets on his own to get Kageyama to slide in. It's a little weird, Kageyama tells himself, but it's also weird that Hinata so willingly curls up next to him and presses a hand to his back, slings an arm around his waist. It's weird, but Kageyama has never slept so well.
Waking up next to a sleepy Hinata isn't so terrible, either.
They continue on like this for a while, Kageyama only having dreams on and off, Hinata staying the night a little more than usual. They set the futon up every time, and every time, Hinata ends up leaving it to crawl in with Kageyama. He thinks he's in the clear, that maybe he has finally finally beaten his awful dreams.
And then they lose to Aobajousai, he sees Hinata cry, and he feels like he's let down the one person he cares about most.
They all return home disappointed, eyes red and muscles weary, even though they try their best to be positive. Hinata's quieter than usual after their fight on the grass, but sticks close to Kageyama, brushing their arms together sometimes. Wordlessly, he follows Kageyama home, because Kageyama's parents are working late and, to be honest, Kageyama doesn't feel like being alone. He doesn't have to say anything; Hinata seems to know, brings their hands together while they walk and keeps hold until Kageyama has to let go to open the door.
Kageyama doesn't bother setting up the futon, and Hinata doesn't ask him to. Instead, they get into bed, and Hinata immediately gravitates to his side, slipping under Kageyama's arm and pressing their foreheads together.
“It's okay,” he says, before they fall asleep. “We'll get them next time.” And he smiles, and Kageyama feels better.
That is, he feels better until he's shrouded in darkness, surrounded by disappointed teammates who turn their backs to him, a jeering crowd saying it's his fault, his fault, they would have won if not for him. Hinata looks betrayed, “I don't want to catch your tosses anymore,” and Kageyama feels something in his chest crack. “You're impossible,” and Kageyama says “I know.”
He blinks his eyes open as he shaken violently, starting to register Hinata's voice. “You're impossible to wake up,” he's saying, as Kageyama feels his eyeballs being jostled around in his head. He groans and shoves Hinata's arms away, sitting up and letting the blankets fall from his shoulders.
Hinata scoots close, on his knees, peering into Kageyama's face. Kageyama is about to ask what the hell is wrong, did Hinata have a nightmare about ghosts again (it's happened), when he feels something warm and wet on his face. He reaches up and his fingers come away damp.
Kageyama is crying.
“Shit,” he says, and pushes the covers back to run to the bathroom, but Hinata catches his arm.
“What happened?” His voice is soft and worried and his eyes are bright even in the limited light from the lamps outside, and Kageyama wants to keep it in, but he feels his chest constricting and sees them lose, again and again and again, and sees the tears on Hinata's face, and he spills over.
Hinata's fingers are warm on his face when they wipe his cheeks dry, pulls Kageyama's head to his shoulder and ruffles his hair. Kageyama feels like an absolute idiot, and his back hurts from hunching over at this angle, but he doesn't move because he's tired and frustrated.
“I'm not like them, you know,” Hinata says when they're lying in bed again, blankets tucked up around their shoulders and facing each other. Hinata's hand grips his, fingers laced together. “None of us are. I'm not gonna leave you over something dumb. Even if you're the most annoying person on the planet.” His grin tells Kageyama he's joking, and Kageyama quirks the corner of his mouth up in return. “I told you I'd stay with you as long as it takes, and probably longer because you're so impossible. I mean, what would you do without me?”
“Get some sleep,” Kageyama responds, voice gravelly and strange, but there's no bite to it. He tries to tug his hand away because he's getting tired, they should be resting after today, but Hinata won't let go.
It takes him a minute to register when Hinata's lips press against his, quick and soft.
“That...means I like you,” Hinata says, “Even if you're an ass.” He wiggles under the covers until just his eyes peek out, although Kageyama can still barely see the pink dusting his cheeks. Cheeks that Kageyama kisses, feeling the way Hinata's eyelashes flutter against his skin before he shoves Kageyama away and tells him to go to sleep, voice laced with embarrassment.
This time, when he falls asleep, Kageyama dreams about Hinata on the court, calling for one more toss, the way his eyes light up when he sends the ball flying to the other side of the court. He hears Suga saying it's a different feeling when Hinata hits his toss, remembers his teammates yelling encouragements and Hinata saying you're different, now. And he is. He wakes up in the morning with Hinata breathing against his neck, pushing Kageyama halfway out of bed, and even though Kageyama's leg is cold where Hinata's hogging the sheets, he doesn't think he's ever slept better in his life.