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The first time that he saw him, Yoongi fell for Jimin. He saw his tiny fingers and his soft smile and his small waist and his plush lips and he adored every inch of his bandmate. And if he had to share his Jimin with five other bandmates then, well. Then that was okay. He loved all of them and if they were together it was okay. If Jimin was theirs then it was okay.
It was okay until he wasn't.
Until the band grew well-known and suddenly, suddenly there were fanboys touching Jimin's tiny fingers and cameras zooming in on his small waist and interwievers adoring his soft smile and– literally everyone staring at his lips. Really. Yoongi caught so many staring at his lips and his mind was racing. Racing and so far away as he watched Jimin respond to those people, smiling at the fanboys, throwing a kiss at the camera, and touching the arms of the interviewers while laughing at their jokes.
And suddenly, Jimin couldn't have felt farther away from him. Suddenly, Yoongi didn't have to share Jimin with his five dearest friends, but with the whole world.
At some times he felt ridicoulus really, because why would someone he even lived with together, had experienced everything together with for the last seven years, why wouldn't he be close to Yoongi? Why would it feel like he ignored him? Why couldn't he even talk to Jimin anymore, when all he wanted to do was kiss those lips-?
It all came down on him when they were on tour in the US. Interviews, meeting lots of fans in the streets and concerts in the evening. He found himself standing on stage and staring at Jimin, staring at his waist and his hands and his lips and his smile and he thought,, wow, this is Jimin, my Jimin standing there.
But he wasn't. He wasn't his in any way. He was more ARMY's Jimin, more the company's Jimin, more the public's Jimin, than he was his.
And that realization hurt. It hurt so much that Yoongi – and Yoongi is a silent person, you must know, who suffers in silence and goes to the bathroom to cry, so nobody hears him – lost a few tears in the car on his way to the hotel. The driver only threw a glance at him and gave him a pack of tissues, which he accepted thankfully.
Back in the hotel, he went to bed and he checked social media, hoping to find some distraction. But what he found was many, many videos of Jimin – and between all of those one tweet of a fan saying "who tf hurt Yoongi", showing a video of his realization. Of his smile falling right there on stage, of his facade cracking, of his gaze going to the floor. Then there was a knock on the door and when Yoongi opened the door, Namjoon stood there and he said: "Hyung, would you mind telling me why you cried in the car?"
And Yoongi was so close to lying. He was so close to saying that he just felt overwhelmed by their fans or exhausted because of their schedule. But how could he lie when Namjoons question alone made his eyes shimmer once again? How could he lie when his best friend was here, in front of his hotel room, concerned for his wellbeing? Why would he lie when Namjoon could've told all his lies from the truth?
So he just let him in and sat on the edge of his bed, back facing Namjoon, and just frequently sniffled and wiped away his tears, sitting in silence for a few minutes.
For a lack of better words he just said: "I miss Jimin"
Namjoon could've questioned it. Because how can you miss someone you see every day? How can you miss someone you stand on stage with that often? How can you miss someone who's currently one hotel room apart from you, probably relaxing after a day full of work?
Namjoon could've questioned it, really. But then again, he thought, why should he? Because maybe Yoongi had another perception of missing someone than Namjoon had. Maybe he didn't find the right words. If Yoongi was sad and felt the need to cry, he had every right to do so. At least, Namjoon knew there was nothing he could do. So he stood up from the bed, patted Yoongi's back and then he was gone.
Yoongi barely noticed it, that the door wasn't shut when Namjoon left, the soft whispers in the hallway, the steps nearing his bed. What he noticed was the tiny fingers tugging his own hands from his face. He noticed the soft body wrapped around him from behind, the small waist pressed against his back, the plush lips softly laying against the nape of his neck.
Instead of a happy smile, there was a frown. The corners of his pretty lips tugged down, his eyes wide opened in concern. "What's wrong?", he cooed, snuggling closer to Yoongis neck, "Please tell me what's bothering you, Hyung."
"I miss you", Yoongi finally sobbed.
"I'm right here", Jimin whispered.
“I miss talking to you", Yoongi whispered back, sniffing softly and bringing up Jimin's fingers to press his own lips against them.
"So talk to me", Jimin said softly into Yoongis ear, leaning forward just slightly.
"We stood on stage and I suddenly realized", Yoongi sniffled, "I realized how you stand there for the fans and the media and you smiled so genuinely and I just wanted that smile to be directed towards me and-" "Hey, shhh", Jimin combed through Yoongi's hair, trying to calm down his trembling and stop the flow of his tears.
"And I really missed touching you"
"So touch me“
Jimin suddenly let go of Yoongi's back and wasn't petting his head anymore and wasn't whispering into his ear anymore and wasn't touching him anymore and Yoongi felt like whimpering, calling for him to come back-
Until the younger appeared before him, slipping his arms around his back, sitting down in Yoongi's lap and pulling him so, so close pressing his face into his neck, letting his hair tickle Yoongi's soft skin. "Touch me if you want to", Jimin whispered against his skin, pressing them so close together that nothing could have fit between them. And Yoongi did, putting his hands on Jimin's small waist, sliding them down until he reached the hem of Jimin's soft hoodie, sliding them up again on his skin, pressing him even closer. He inhaled deeply, trying to catch as much of his scent as he could in one breath. Nuzzling into his soft hair, he felt his sobs die down, his tears become less and less.
"Tell me everything that's on your mind, Hyung", Jimin whispered and his lips brushed against Yoongi's neck while speaking, making the elder shiver slightly.
"You know, when we got to know each other...", he mumbled, "I kind of wanted you to myself. And I knew as part of the same group, we would always be... close. To each other."
"We are."
"Are we?"
Jimin lifted his head and looked at his hyung with wide, shimmering eyes and Yoongi suddenly regretted his question so, so much. The younger lifted his hands and took Yoongi's face between them, his fingertips pressing softly into his skin. "What are you talking about?"
Yoongi felt like crying again, just because of the hurt in Jimin's voice.
"There's the fans and the interviewers and the public and the media and I don't know why, but- You suddenly felt so far away, Jimin, so out of reach and I just wanted to have you to myself- no wait that sounds so weird, I wanted you to be mine but-" "Hyung, you're rambling" Yoongi took a deep breath, closing his eyes for a moment and cupping Jimin's hands, which were still on his face, with his own. "I felt like you smiled towards a camera more often that you smiled at me. And I felt like you touched so many fanboy's hands without ever touching mine." Jimin's look got even softer. "And we were suddenly so famous, /you/ were suddenly so famous and they all looked at you and they wanted you and you look so good in the spotlight, look so happy when they watch you dance and watch you sing- you smile so brightly, and all their eyes are constantly on you-"
"You are jealous.."
"I'm /so/ fucking jealous. God, Jimin, I really want you to be mine. I feel like you were out of reach and I- I miss talking to you and I miss touching you and I also, I really miss kissing you."
"We've never kissed, Yoongi"
"I know, but I really miss it."
There was a sincere look and trembling fingers and then there were lips, lips against lips and it was so soft, no tounge, no heat, just lips pressing against each other for a single moment. And then there was a soft smile. The best, happiest, most genuine smile that Yoongi had seen in seven years. It brought tears to Yoongi's eyes yet again.
"Hey, please don't cry. Please don't cry or I will, too." He smiled and wiped Yoongi's tears off his cheeks. "Hey, Yoongi", he mumbled softly, voice full of love as he spoke, "The attention is nice, the interviews are fun and the fans are supportive, but what's all that compared to you?"
That sentence certainly didn't make him stop crying. It only made him sob, made him want to cry even more, even louder.
"I'll be yours and you'll be mine and we are together, always, before the fame started and long after it's gone. And I'm sorry if you felt the need to be jealous, felt like we were so far apart, like I was staying away from you, I'm sorry. I was just gone, these past few months, concentrating to shine on camera and being exhausted when I was not, but I promise you, you are so much more important to me than everything out there. So, so much more. So let's do what it takes to be close, because I can't stand missing you as well. I missed you a lot, you know. And I'll make sure that you will never miss me again. And that I will never miss you again. And I will kiss you. Lots."
And then they kissed again and finally, Yoongi felt better. Didn't feel like crying from pain, but from love and happiness. He still missed Jimin, bones aching from how much he missed him. He missed him even though they couldn't possibly be closer to each other physically, but if he had to take an educated guess, he would say it was just the effect of this silence, this distance between them during the last few months.
But that didn't matter now, because Jimin was his, finally his, said it himself. "I'll be yours and you'll be mine" Said himself that he had missed him and wouldn't let that happen again, and even though he still missed Jimin and his lips tasted salty from his own tears and he still felt like they weren't close enough, all of this felt amazing.
This kiss was the best promise anyone ever made to Yoongi.