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And it was all fire.
The element changes its shape and has several colors. Depending on the substances and on the impurities, the color of the flame and the intensity of the fire may modify. Blue, purple, yellow, orange, red, gray. The colors of the fire. The evolution of the flame.
This is fire, after all. Like... feelings.
They can change according to the world, according to people. Fire is an entity that propagates radiation and starts from combustion. Fire releases heat, light and reactions. Fire evolves. Fire grows. Fire destroys.
And she was dreaming about it again.
—
She was staring at that old house, dread rising up her spine. Gray pillars covered with mold and moisture. It seemed to have a complete unholy energy around the place. Bora felt as if, there, she was stepping on the bones of the ones who had been massacred and unfairly murdered over the years.
But with a brief breath, she decided to move forward.
As she waited for someone to answer her at the front door, she still questioned whether she was making the right decision. There was something absolutely wrong in her heart about all of this. She felt that from the moment she allowed herself to open the way to darkness, it would have a free pass to enter.
“Are you lost?”
The voice she heard was sweeter than she expected. The posture of the blonde haired woman standing in front of her was opposed to the kindness that came out of her mouth.
“In a way, yes,” Bora replied. “Can you help me to find myself?”
—
“I see you carry the figure of Christ around your neck...”
The woman watched her with caution, following every part of Bora’s image with her curious eyes. They were now in that dark living room. She couldn’t tell if the lights didn’t work or if the owner just liked to keep them off.
“May I know why a daughter of God seeks for a witch to help her instead of the house of the Lord?”
“You can probably imagine I tried that first.” Bora looked at her own hands, trying to avoid eye contact. “They don’t seem interested in helping me with it. Too dangerous, they say.”
“Why am I not surprised?” The blonde woman smiled, her smile just as gentle as her voice.
“It doesn’t mean I lost my faith, though,” Bora concluded.
“And you shouldn’t... It’s very dark right now, isn’t it?” the smaller woman looked confused. “Your soul, I mean.”
Both Bora and the other woman were sitting down, the blonde one pointing to where her visitor should be accommodated.
“It’s like a prophecy,” Bora started. “My dreams... they change. The stories change. But at the end of each one of them, I‘m covered with death and cruelty.”
Her black hair’s so strong it merged with the darkness. The brightness of the stars entering through the window only lighting it up in parts. And that was how she felt. A body full of impurities, but a soul not yet lost.
“I’m a receptacle, do you understand? My body was made for them to command.”
“ Them? ” the witch asked.
“The demons inside me.”
—
“And what would that prophecy be?”
The blonde woman asked as she brought a cup with something Bora thought was tea. It was a cold day, and in fact, she needed something to calm her hands on. She was so aimless that she didn’t even know how or where to rest them.
“Well... I would basically be a symbol to guide humanity towards catastrophes and suffering.”
The other woman was still looking at her with those same eyes. Her dark gaze accompanied by arched eyebrows that clearly showed her curiosity.
“Can I be honest with you?” she asked and Bora nodded right after. “At the very moment you entered this house, I felt this... power. And I don’t feel like they’re trying to use your body.”
“What do you mean?” Bora sounded intrigued.
“Precisely? You were made for more, Bora. They want you to be more.”
Bora didn’t know much about what was happening to her. She was a religious person, yes, but being dragged into something beyond her knowledge just sounded too surreal.
“And is there something I can do about it? Or should I just wait and accept it?” she laughed, an absolute sarcastic, but discouraged laugh.
“No, not at all. But you have to explain what exactly is happening to you. The things you see in your dreams, the things you feel. I need to understand everything before I can do anything for you.”
“It means you’re helping me then?”
“Of course... but you look tired right now, am I wrong?” Bora shook her head. “So, you should go and rest. We can talk more about it tomorrow,” the woman said and she agreed.
“Oh and I’m sorry. I was so distracted by my own mind that I forgot to ask... What’s your name?”
There was something about that woman, Bora thought. Even with this whole bizarre energy around her, she was still so calm and so kind. Bora noticed that her eyes were now admiring every fiber of the taller woman’s face.
“Jiu.”
—
The next day they had such a long conversation. Books and teachings that Bora was not used to, personal readings she didn’t expect to receive and things she imagined being quite different from what they really were.
Although she followed a specific religion, Bora had a very open mind about all beliefs. She liked to keep the thought that everyone should persist in the faith that led them to the right path, whatever it was.
And she was determined to understand a little more about the belief of that woman who was at her side right now willing to give up her own peace of mind to deal with the unknown.
Her dream the night before hadn’t been much different from the others. This time she was being pulled by the sand, but before being completely swallowed by the ground, trapped, she watched masked men take the life of a group of women while their own children watched.
Jiu read it as a way of showing her that, no matter how hard she fought, it would be in vain. She could try to get out of it, but just like in her last dream, there was nothing she could do. This is the message they want to send you, Jiu said. It doesn’t mean it’s the one you should believe.
She was trying to keep that thought.
“I love storms,” Bora said, looking out the window.
It was raining. The day was gloomy, cloudy, and it was getting darker as she was taking the next step. It seemed that the night was coming as fast as her heartbeat.
She sounded contemplative, but something in her voice made Jiu a bit curious about where she was trying to get at.
“You do?” Jiu attentively asked.
“Yes. They calm me down, as strange as it sounds. But I feel like the heavy rain is here to remind us that there are scary things everywhere. Even in nature. And well, we shouldn’t fear the purest thing that life could provide us, don’t you think?”
“You are... clever,” Jiu replied, smiling and looking directly at the other woman.
She was wearing a red dress, and Bora in her social pants. They were so different, yet their clothes matched somehow.
“Is that why you’re doing this with me?” Bora looked back at her. “I mean, you don’t have to help me, but it seems like you’re not going anywhere.”
“I had my own demons to fight before, and I know it’s not easy. You could use a friend.”
“I appreciate it, Jiu.”
“Minji,” she gently said. “It’s my real name. You can call me Minji, my dear.”
“Okay... Minji.”
They exchanged glances for brief seconds. Glances with an empathetic smile on both of their lips. Bora was the one to break the moment as she withdrew from the living room.
—
“Children, Minji. They were just children, and I killed them. I stabbed them one by one while they were falling loudly on the ground.” Her voice broke into small pieces that it seemed impossible to put them together. “Those poor little things... their necks cut from end to end, those little hands trying to stop the bleeding I was spilling from them with no remorse...”
“Bora, stop! It was just a bad dream. You could never do that!”
“How are you so sure?”
She wasn’t. To be honest, this particular dream was just cruel and ruthless. But losing control wasn’t the best option either. Bora just needed some time to understand. Some time to absorb and forget about this nightmare. Children were just too much for her to handle and Minji could feel her dismay.
“Bora, here’s the thing. I have this small place away from here. Not too far, though. But... I used to go there when things weren’t going so well for me. The point is, I was thinking and maybe it would be good for you to be away from the noise of the big city, don’t you think?”
Bora felt her body stiffen.
“I don’t know if... I don’t want to be alone right now.” Her voice was almost as a whisper, ashamed to say it out loud. “I mean, I appreciate the offer, don’t get me wrong, but-“
“What if I go with you? Would it be more comfortable? To be honest, I could use the tranquility of that place now, and your company would be greatly appreciated.”
Minji was charming. That gentle smile on her face followed by that sweet tone of her voice. It felt almost like a sin to refuse anything she offered.
“Yeah,” Bora smiled back as she replied. “I think I would like that.”
—
Minji didn’t lie when she said it was a small place, Bora thought as soon as she entered that little house in the middle of nowhere. But at the same time, it was very cozy. She could understand perfectly what the blonde one meant when she mentioned the tranquility.
There were artifacts decorating the residence, several types of them. And amulets hung everywhere like protective objects. Nothing too unusual for a witch, anyway. Books and old pots scattered around the cabinets, but still felt like a personal heaven.
Minji introduced Bora to the room where she would sleep and spend her self time. It was just as comfy as the rest of the small house.
A little later, after both had showered and changed their clothes, they decided to build a fire outside.
Bora was the first to break the silence.
“You don’t look like the kind of witch I was expecting the first time I knocked on your door.”
“How so? An ugly and scary old woman?” Minji joked.
“Honestly? Yeah, exactly that.” Bora admitted.
“Sorry for disappointing but yeah, I’m a little hot.”
“And a little full of yourself.”
They both laughed, enjoying the fresh air under that cold night.
Around them, trees with large branches in a strong shade of brown filled the field. Trees that used to terrify Bora when she was just a little girl.
“I never asked, but... how did you find me?”
“I… I dreamed of you. I mean, not you specifically. But about all the way to your home. I stood there just staring at the place, with an immense desire to go inside.”
“And then you thought that perhaps, in the midst of so many nightmares, one of those dreams would lead you to some concrete answer? Didn’t you think that the house could actually be just another bad thing?”
“Yes, I thought of that. But in the dream, it seemed to be the right thing to do even in the grip of so much fear.”
Minji just nodded.
They stayed quiet for a while. Both of them appreciating the taste of the wine and the warmth of the fire.
The silence between them was comfortable. That typical environment where just the breath was enough to fill the emptiness, and the sound of nature was like music to the ears.
In a calm and sudden way, the two women oddly turned their eyes to the sky.
“February’s full moon is always so beautiful.” Bora mentioned.
“That’s a very interesting point,” Minji replied, staring at Bora with the same curious eyes she had the day they met.
“Interesting? Why?” she returned the curious look.
“I don’t know if you know, but... we, witches, count the year by moons, not months.”
Bora seemed interested, and Minji admired her for that. Not everyone was that open minded about things they couldn’t understand or things that just weren’t part of their lives.
“By the way, come with me!”
Minji offered her hand for Bora to follow her, and grabbing Minji’s little finger, they walked to a tree where the leaves fell every two minutes.
“Pick some. Feel the connection with them and collect them,” Minji added.
Bora looked confused, but she did exactly what the other woman told her.
“Now tell me, what’s your favorite color?”
Bora didn’t think twice, she just replied, “Red.”
“Okay, now let’s go inside again.”
“Will you explain what this is about?”
They were looking at each other. Bora tried to take a strand of black hair that was touching her own cheek, while the wind pushed it back to the same place.
“This is going to be your lunar amulet. Especially in this month and on this moon, it will have the power to increase your personal magnetism.” Minji was the one now who pulled another strand of hair from Bora’s face. “We‘re gonna put the leaves you collected into a red cloth and leave them ‘sleeping’ under the moonlight tonight. Then you will have to carry this cloth with you everywhere, deal?”
“I already have my amulet here,” Bora said, pointing to the necklace she wore around her neck. “But that may be my memory of you.”
“I definitely won’t complain.” Minji smirked.
—
The sky was beautiful during the last few days. A light tone of blue, with orange clouds reflected by the vibrant sun.
Four days now. Four days feeling that peaceful energy hugging her gently. The cold, but pure and comforting wind touching her face like the hands of an angel.
But Bora knew better. She knew she had to enjoy every moment, because the good times wouldn’t last forever.
“Wanna do something different today?” Minji broke Bora’s distressing thoughts with her sweet voice. “I can teach you about the natural herbs we have in our backyard.”
“Sounds fun to me.”
It was a long walk since their backyard was actually the entire countryside around the house. But it felt good, like everything lately.
Minji was really different from everyone Bora had ever met. The way she gave a full speech about how good rosemary would be to keep the evil spirits at bay, and Bora didn’t even feel bored. She knew exactly how to make things pleasurable.
They were back at home. Minji was preparing some stuff with the protective plant and Bora was observing her the whole time.
“So, I was cleaning up and organizing some things and... I noticed you have a gun.” Bora sounded intrigued, and it seemed like the right excuse to get to know a little more about the other woman.
“Yeah, my mom gave it to me when I was still a teenager. She was sick and she knew I would have to take care of myself. But well... I discovered more attractive ways to do this.”
“Witchcraft?”
“Exactly.” Minji smiled. “What about you? What do you usually do?”
“I’m a dancer actually.”
“Oh, you are?” She didn’t seem impressed, just... interested. “I would like to watch you dance.”
“Are you sure?” Bora smirked.
“Well... now, I am.” She smirked back. “Would a slow song work? I don’t think I have anything different than that in this place.”
“Okay then, you sit there. Let me choose something.”
Before doing what Bora suggested her, Minji decided to get a drink. She was watching the smaller woman as she prepared herself. Bora was so... fascinating, Minji thought. It was absolutely unfair that such a beautiful person, inside and out, was having her soul hunted as if she had committed a crime.
Minji heard the slow music start in the back of her mind and made her way over to the black couch to sit and watch what Bora had to show her.
Bora looked shy as she started with smooth movements, hands ruffling her own hair in an absurdly captivating way. Her legs steady with each step she took towards the new part of her spontaneous choreography.
Another long second, another step towards Minji’s lack of sanity. Bora was more relaxed now, letting things happen. And with that, her movements became even more dangerous and flashy. Minji knew that Bora could feel the tension in her eyes, directed towards her small, sculpted body.
Arms now above her head, and that specific scene reminded Minji of the witches' dance in front of the fire on those nights of special celebrations.
Minji was completely speechless. Bora looked like a siren, and watching her was almost painful. It felt like, at any moment, the dancer would start singing in an enchanting voice and all the control the witch knew would no longer exist.
Every detail of Bora’s body was marked by the white shirt she was wearing. And Minji was dying to touch her.
Was that thought a spell? The witch asked herself as she watched Bora approaching her and sitting on her lap, facing Minji so closely that her own breath was burning like hell.
With her lips close enough to Minji’s ear, Bora whispered, “ So, what do you think? ”
Bora felt warm hands holding her face firmly, thin fingers caressing her skin with passion and desire.
Minji’s lips were just as particular as she was. A soft, warm and sweet tongue inside Bora’s mouth. The fabric of her black, silk shirt touching the inner of Bora’s thighs slightly, while the heat of the blonde woman’s body was making her throb.
She could feel how needy Minji was by the way the latter touched her. Hands running over Bora’s body in despair, holding the back of her neck as if nothing was going to take the smaller woman away from her arms now.
—
There was a crucifix on the wall above her head, and a rosary at the head of her bed. Bora was asleep and, impressively, she dreamed of a garden full of red flowers. She was wearing white, a long light dress. The roses moved as the cold wind touched them. She could smell the purity and freedom.
Maybe this is how it is now, Bora thought in her dream. Maybe this is my new life.
But all of a sudden, those same red flowers started to splash on the floor. They were no longer the sweet, vivid roses. They were transformed into a liquid that carried the smell of death. Blood was beginning to touch her feet now, running up her ankle, covering her entire body, until she drowned in loneliness and rot.
Before her eyelids could move, Bora felt herself floating in the air. The fabric of her bed no longer touching her skin gently, but squeezing every part of her small body. She couldn’t feel the softness on her back anymore, there was just nothing beneath her. It was when she finally opened her eyes and realized she was closer to the ceiling than to the floor.
The nightmare she had just woken up from was not so agonizing now. She tried to pull herself back to the consistent ground, but the gravity surrounding her body held her as if she had no control over herself anymore.
Out of the corner of her eye, she could see shadows lurking around the room. Her neck hung back, the pain of the movement starting to startle her. Bora felt her vision slowly blur, until, in a matter of seconds, part of her brain left her.
Black eyes like a starless night. Her soul was filled with anger, anguish and all the pains of a dark past that she didn’t even remember having lived. What was left of the person she was, still trying to get out of there impatiently.
And as an exhausting force, she finally felt her body fall hard on the bed below her. She looked from where her head had reached with the impact of the fall. The crucifix was now turned upside down.
—
“Good morning, my dear.” Minji gave Bora a sweet kiss.
“Good morning, little hottie.”
“You left me sleeping on the couch all alone last night... do I snore that much?”
Minji’s gentle smile disappeared the moment she looked down to where Bora was sitting.
“Bora, what happened to your arms?”
Minji was looking at Bora’s bruises. It looked like the smaller woman had been beaten for hours. Bora tried to hide the dark marks all over her body, but it was just unfair to keep that secret from the one person who was genuinely worried about her.
“It’s getting harder again. Last night...”
Before Bora could even continue talking, Minji picked up a book that looked quite old. The pages, when not torn, were badly damaged by time, making it almost impossible to read the words in those strange languages that were written on it.
“What are you looking for?” Bora asked.
“Something to lessen the pain. I imagine it’s not so comfortable right now.”
“Okay, look at me.” Bora pushed the book away from the taller woman’s hands, replacing it with her own.
“I can’t do this for too long, Minji. It’s back, and it hurts so much. Sometimes I just feel like giving myself away, you know?” Tears now slipped aggressively down her face. “To let it be and find my way to freedom, whatever that freedom means. The voices in my head, Minji, they keep scratching me from the inside out. The physical pain is nothing compared to that.”
Bora’s voice was broken, and so was Minji. She knew the other woman was suffering a lot. She couldn’t imagine how much though, no one could. But it was heartbreaking.
“I just wanted to get this out of myself.” She sounded devastated, so fragile. “Please Minji, tell me, how can I achieve that beautiful peace again?”
Minji held her breath for a few seconds, Bora even considered the possibility of being a burden on the older woman.
But in a soft, sweet voice, Minji started, “I don’t know how peace feels like, my dear, I never had that in my entire life. But I know that I will be here for you so you won’t have to face it alone. We will find peace together, and if we can’t, we won’t have it together as well, until it’s all over. I can promise you that.”
She gave Bora a forehead kiss before hugging her tightly. Her blonde hair was almost like sunlight, but combined with moonlight. A grayish tone that represented both day and night. Kindness and reality. Minji looked like the hope Bora couldn’t find anywhere. Wherever she went, it was always darkness and pain. But Minji was peace. Minji was the determination she needed. And she couldn’t give up. Not just yet.
—
The following days were no better. On the contrary, Bora felt weak, her body couldn’t even bear her own weight, although she was thinner than usual.
Her mind? Even worse. It wasn’t easy to control countless voices talking to each other loudly, nonstop, fighting for dominance.
Minji was desperate, looking for anything that would relieve the pain, end the torment of the woman she had fallen in love with.
She hadn’t told Bora, but the witch was waiting for her. Not in a romantic way, no. At some point of her life, she also had dreams. But she dreamed that she would be part of something big, that someone special would come into her life looking for help, and she would be the only person who could actually do something about it.
Bora thought that Minji was just too good, and to be fair, in the beginning it was really her only intention: to save someone. But the witch couldn’t say for certain the moment when things changed, the moment when it became more sentimental than rational. But she wasn’t planning to stop. She would go with her until the end, whatever that end was.
—
When Minji returned home that day, Bora was retracted in the corner of the living room, with bruises that covered all of her pale skin.
The house that Bora used to keep completely organized and habitable, now had books scattered everywhere. Some pages torn and crumpled, others burned by the candles thrown into the small room.
Minji called for her once, got no answer. She called again, but when she approached Bora, she noticed that the smaller woman was astonished.
Minji knelt beside her.
“Hey... talk to me, my dear.”
It was possible to feel the bad smell, the icy wind touching her arms as if every fiber of her body was getting in touch with the end of times. Minji had seen a lot during her life, but she was afraid. For the first time, the witch felt that she had no control over what was about to happen, and it scared her even more.
Minji felt Bora’s hand tightened on her wrist. Her eyes becoming dark and lifeless. Her face was covered with terror and indignation. The laughter that echoed through the empty space of that small room was guttural, it was like a distortion that turned something good into something really, really bad.
“ Sunt mala quae libas. Sunt mala quae libas. Sunt mala quae libas. SUNT MALA QUAE LIBAS. SUNT MALA QUAE LIBAS-”
Bora repeated those words, and Minji knew what they meant. What you offer me is evil.
Now that song, the song that previously had another meaning while Minji watched Bora dancing, was playing at an unusual speed. It seemed to tell a story, the language of all demons intertwined as they tried to communicate together.
“Come back to me, Bora...”
The cold wind was turning the room into a mess. The pots were falling noisily and screechy, almost as if they were in sync with the small woman’s voice.
Minji saw herself saying a prayer she had no idea she knew, and suddenly, Bora’s grip on her wrist began to loosen.
All at once, there was an absolute silence. Minji looked around and things were extremely strange, as if the world had paused with them.
“ Crux Sacra sit mihi lux ,” Bora whispered.
“ May the Holy Cross be my light .”
“You know Latin.”
“No.” Minji stroke Bora’s hair softly. “I know you.”
She smiled, the most painful smile. Still the most beautiful one to Minji.
“I don’t have much time. You know what you have to do, my love.”
“No, Bora, I can’t. Please, don’t ask me to do that.” Minji held Bora’s face in both of her hands gently. “Remember when we first met? Your eyes were shining, you know that? I remember exactly their brownish color and their innocent look. That look, my dear, it contained hope. Please, you can’t give up.”
She was now holding one of Bora’s hands. And the smaller woman had tears in her brownish but not so innocent eyes.
On the one hand, Minji knew how selfish her request was. She knew it was being especially painful for Bora. But Bora also knew that asking Minji anything like that was just as painful for both of them. Nothing would be easy now.
“I don’t want to become this horrible thing, do you understand? I don’t want my soul to wander in darkness.” Bora’s small hand gently touched Minji’s dazzling face, now expressing only pain and sadness. “I accept the sacrifice, Minji. I can see clearly now... the path will be beautiful. I realized that I am not giving up. I realized that I am being strong enough for doing this, and you... you will also realize that soon.”
“You know I love you, right?” Minji said between faint sounds.
“I do,” she said, smiling softly, “and I want you to know that I never felt so alive in my entire life as in the time I was here with you. This past month, it was so... so special, Minji. You made me so happy. I don’t regret it for a second for knocking on your door that day.”
Minji couldn’t control the tears that streamed down her face, and seeing her like that also broke Bora’s heart. Maybe she shouldn’t have appeared in Minji’s life just to take something else away from her, it felt so selfish now. But what was done, was done. And she deserved to know the important role she played in Bora’s trajectory.
“That’s why I need you to do it right now. I want to keep the most precious moments and let go of the bad ones. You made everything here worthwhile, and I wholeheartedly love you, my dear.”
Minji ran her hand through Bora’s hair one more time and got up slowly, heading towards the room she had her things in. When she returned, she knelt down again, placing the smaller woman’s head in her lap.
She was holding Bora’s hand that was tightly around the figure of Christ on her neck. Bora looked again into the eyes of that witch who didn’t even believe He was there to save her. But still, Minji was holding it with her.
They exchanged glances for a few more seconds, until Bora’s eyes started to darken again.
It was time.
Bora then closed her eyes, and pressed her second hand over Minji’s. She was ready.
Minji was kissing Bora’s lips like her life depended on it. The loud noise the gun made while pressed against the smaller woman’s chest was drowned out as tears streamed silently down Minji’s face again.
It was so fast. Within seconds Bora was no longer breathing.
That was life, after all. To live was so difficult, but to finish seemed so easy.
The pain inside Minji burned as if her heart was being pulled out by the hands of the devil himself.
She didn’t even notice before, but a candle that fell during the chaos was also burning all the material of the house made of wood.
There was fire everywhere now. And Minji didn’t move.
The fire was approaching in slow motion, the pain she felt was as strong as the flames around her. But still, she didn’t move. She remained there, no more fear, only Bora’s small body in her arms and love in her heart.
In the end, it seemed poetic for a witch to let herself be carried away by fire.
This is fire, after all.
Fire releases heat, light and reactions. Fire evolves. Fire grows. Fire destroys.
But fire also dies and starts again.
And maybe they could start again, together, in another life.